- 1 day ago
First broadcast 19th October 2012.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jimmy Carr
Cal Wilson
Jack Whitehall
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jimmy Carr
Cal Wilson
Jack Whitehall
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:04And welcome to QI for a show all about joints.
00:09And joining me are the shapely ankles of Cal Wilson.
00:17The sharp elbows of Jack Whitehall.
00:25The cold shoulders of Jimmy Carr.
00:33And hip, hip, hooray, it's Alan Babies!
00:41But before we begin, let's hear your buzzers and Jack goes...
00:45The finger bone connected to the hand bone.
00:49And Jimmy goes...
00:51The hand bone connected to the wrist bone.
00:53And Cal goes...
00:55The wrist bone connected to the arm bone.
00:58And Alan goes...
00:59The minute you are in the joint.
01:02Oh!
01:03And then you walked in the joint.
01:05J for joint.
01:06J for joint.
01:06Very good.
01:07Excellent.
01:08All right.
01:08Well, now, Alan, we're going to make your life a little easier.
01:11We're going to lower the lights here.
01:12I can go home?
01:13Yeah.
01:16Wait.
01:18Now...
01:18Alan.
01:19This is unfair.
01:20Alan gets a girl.
01:21I've got Jack.
01:23I'm going to ask Alan...
01:24That's a girl.
01:27Steady.
01:28Steady.
01:28I'm going to ask Alan a very specific question now.
01:32Can you feel your sphincter relaxing?
01:36LAUGHTER
01:38LAUGHTER
01:38LAUGHTER
01:41APPLAUSE
01:44It's a perfectly innocent question.
01:46I must say, I thought it was until you asked.
01:49LAUGHTER
01:53Well...
01:54What you might have said is, which sphincter?
01:58Oh, of course.
02:01Because...
02:01You may not know this, but you have many sphincters.
02:04Oh, I know.
02:05I know a little...
02:05I know a thing or two about sphincters.
02:07Tell me about sphincters.
02:08I once had...
02:08This may not be an appropriate story.
02:11I certainly hope not.
02:13I once had...
02:13I once had a bladder complaint.
02:15This is not STI.
02:16It was just a...
02:17I was getting up in the middle of...
02:17Why are you looking at me when you say...
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20I thought you would understand.
02:23If you go to the doctor,
02:23sometimes they say,
02:24we're going to pop a camera in,
02:25we're going to have an explore.
02:26And it was...
02:27It was in my bladder.
02:28There was a bit of an issue.
02:29Yes.
02:30In my bladder.
02:30So they decided to get a camera
02:32and just...
02:33Pop it in my bladder.
02:34And obviously, the easiest way to get in is to...
02:36Is to...
02:37Is through the schlong.
02:38Is through the schlong.
02:39And I thought...
02:40I imagine the camera would be like
02:41the width of a human hair.
02:42It was like a...
02:43It was like a pen.
02:44Oh!
02:46And they...
02:46And they...
02:46And they fed it in.
02:47And it was about ten years ago I had this.
02:49LAUGHTER
03:03And it was about ten years ago.
03:05And it was a lovely nurse that was doing the procedure.
03:07And as she sort of fed it, she went,
03:08What do you do for living?
03:09She was trying to start conversation at this awkward moment.
03:11In a man's life.
03:12She went, What do you do for living?
03:13And I went, I'm a comedian.
03:14And she went, Tell us a joke.
03:16And it is a matter of professional pride that I did.
03:18Oh, well done.
03:19They put you in the DVD though at the end, didn't they?
03:22If they put a camera in you.
03:23You get you in the DVD.
03:24But for what?
03:25Eventuality.
03:25My dad got one inside of his...
03:29But like, when is that appropriate?
03:30His doings.
03:30At Christmas.
03:31Oh, let's not watch The Great Escape this year.
03:33Let's watch your dad's song.
03:34The Great Escape is producing when they pull the camera out.
03:37Oh!
03:38I love it.
03:39The reason I mention that is because of the...
03:41There are two sphincters on the way in.
03:43And actually the painful bit is when they have to go,
03:45We're just going to go through the sphincter.
03:46You might feel a little tightening.
03:48Yeah.
03:48You might feel a little something.
03:49Yes.
03:49And it's got a camera in here.
03:51By the way, it looks like you're playing...
03:52It looks like you're playing snooker.
03:53Or something.
03:54I'm just going to hit the camera into the...
03:57How...
03:58The point is, a sphincter is a ring of muscle
04:01that can contract and expand.
04:03And we'd lowered the lights so that your eye sphincters,
04:06your optic sphincters will have dilated your eyes, Alan.
04:10So your sphincters will have relaxed.
04:11All of my sphincters are clenched.
04:14There's no photograph in my image of the scene.
04:16What do you do?
04:17They can expand or contract.
04:19Sight and delight.
04:20We have an endoscope here that you may...
04:22No, don't worry.
04:23It's all right.
04:24It's all right.
04:25You really don't worry.
04:25I did have a similar experience to Jimmy's in New Zealand.
04:29I was going for a ladies' examination.
04:32And so lying there with this doctor doing the examination...
04:36It was good.
04:36...and she was sort of tinkering away.
04:37And then she goes,
04:38Haven't I seen you on Thank God You're Here?
04:41Which is a TV show back home.
04:43And I went,
04:43Yes, but why are you recognising me now?
04:47I went to get something looked at which was a sort of rash near the top of my leg.
04:52So it was a slight worry.
04:53It turns out it was nothing.
04:54But I didn't know that at the time.
04:56And I went in to have it examined.
04:57And he did the thing where he recognised me.
04:59But he thought I was George Lamb.
05:00He said,
05:01Oh, you're that guy George Lamb.
05:02And I was about to go and correct him.
05:04But then I thought,
05:04If that is an STI,
05:05My father could fix it.
05:07And George Lamb had it than I do.
05:13Anyway, so,
05:14You've got...
05:15The other thing is you even have within your capillary system,
05:18Your blood system,
05:19Each has a little sphincter.
05:20So the chances are we probably have thousands.
05:22Nobody quite knows how many sphincters we have.
05:24We have thousands and thousands of them.
05:26So,
05:27Now,
05:27What is this?
05:30Snake.
05:31Excuse me?
05:32Is it a snake?
05:33Oh dear.
05:35Oh dear.
05:36Oh, what is that?
05:37Is it a legless lizard?
05:39Yes,
05:39It's the right answer.
05:41It's a lizard.
05:42How can you tell it's drunk?
05:45He keeps going,
05:46I love you.
05:47Best one.
05:48Come here.
05:50Don't go.
05:50Have another one.
05:51Yeah.
05:52Yes, it is.
05:53I mean, snakes you think of obviously is looking like that.
05:55But lizards could look like that too.
05:56They don't have to have legs.
05:58And in fact,
05:59Two thirds of that is tail.
06:01There's a real snake.
06:02Now,
06:02real snakes have got,
06:03you know,
06:04these moveable jaws,
06:05and lizards don't.
06:08See,
06:08you're thinking of dogs.
06:10That was uncanny, wasn't it?
06:13It was like a snake is in the room.
06:15And it was.
06:18For a moment there.
06:19Oh, God.
06:20Steve.
06:21A few.
06:22Also,
06:23the eyes are very different.
06:24Snake eyes are very particular with this kind of film over it.
06:27Are the difference, of course,
06:28I don't have a lizard in my trousers.
06:31No.
06:32Ladies.
06:35Dear, oh dear, oh dear.
06:36Well,
06:37in England you get a particular...
06:39Adders, vipers, and grass snakes.
06:41And grass snakes.
06:42And there's another kind,
06:43which I had in my garden,
06:44in Norfolk not long ago,
06:46which is a slow worm.
06:48There.
06:48Which is neither a worm,
06:50nor a snake,
06:51but again is a lizard,
06:52a legless lizard.
06:52My brother had them, I think,
06:54when he came back from school once.
06:55Yeah.
06:56Yeah,
06:57what do you mean,
06:57in his tummy?
06:58Yeah.
06:59Seriously?
07:00Yeah,
07:00and we couldn't lick the loose,
07:01well,
07:01not that we were licking the loose eat before,
07:04but he was accused of,
07:05that's what he'd been doing at school,
07:06and then we had to get rid of them,
07:07because he had the worms and stuff.
07:09But that looks a lot bigger.
07:10They accused him of licking the loose eat.
07:12No, because that's how you get worms.
07:14By licking the loose eat.
07:16I think that's how, yeah.
07:17You licked the loose eat.
07:18Sorry, the loose eat.
07:19The loose eat.
07:20I thought he said loose eat.
07:24The loose eat.
07:26You get worms by licking the loose eat.
07:28Yeah, that's definitely a fact.
07:29That's my first fact of the evening,
07:31there we are,
07:31off to a flyer,
07:32and lick the loose eat,
07:33and you will get worms of the belly.
07:35You'll get more than worms,
07:36you'll get universal contempt.
07:40That's power.
07:41You can get,
07:41you can get a lot of STIs from,
07:43from loose eat,
07:44interestingly, Stephen,
07:45but only if you sit down before the last guy's got up.
07:53That's terrible.
07:54Too strong.
07:56Too strong.
07:57Too strong.
07:57Is there STIs?
07:58Is that sexually transmitted information?
08:02Sexually transmitted information should be a thing, shouldn't it?
08:04It sounds like the late night version of QI though, doesn't it?
08:07It's like the after 12.
08:08Yes, STI.
08:09Yes.
08:10Come on, it's STI.
08:12It's mockative questions.
08:14I like the sound of it.
08:15All right.
08:16Well, now, let's play Stick the Knees on the Elephants.
08:20Um, you should have cards with elephants on,
08:23and you should have little red dots,
08:24and all you have to do is stick your red dot on the knees of the elephant.
08:27It's as simple as that.
08:29It's a little fun art craft thing that you can do.
08:31I feel a little bit like we're in,
08:33we've underperformed and we've been taken to a special class.
08:35Yes.
08:36Where it's mainly arts and crafts and colouring in,
08:39and you know what, you can't fail, we've all learnt very well.
08:41That's right.
08:42I'm just doing polka dots.
08:45Very sweet.
08:46But try and do it on the knees of the elephant if you can.
08:50I think elephants have got a lot of knees.
08:51Yes.
08:52That's my, that's my...
08:53Because otherwise, why would you have given us this many dots?
08:56This is a lot of...
08:57You don't have to use all the dots, I may say.
09:00This...
09:00We are...
09:01This elephant's actually got the same thing that Jack used to have at the top of his thigh.
09:06It turns out it was nothing, but it was a real worry.
09:08Yes.
09:09I've marked his, uh, his sphincter on there as well.
09:11So have I!
09:12So have I!
09:13We've got matching sphincters.
09:14Yes.
09:15All right.
09:15So if you'd like to present and show.
09:17So, sphincter, eyes, because it's nice to get to know them.
09:21Uh, and...
09:22Four knees.
09:24Can you just tilt the card forward a bit so they're not too shiny?
09:27They reflect on the camera.
09:28I've gone, I've gone four knees on each.
09:30Are you tilting it forward a bit as asked?
09:32I'm sorry.
09:32No, you're not, aren't you?
09:35I can't get taken down to a lower class than this can be.
09:37Yeah, there you go.
09:39What are you doing arts and crafts?
09:41Dear, oh dear, oh dear.
09:41Knees and knees.
09:42Well, I mean...
09:43I've got knees on the front and on the back.
09:45Everyone except Alan has at least managed to put dots on the knees which are the back of the elephant.
09:51Because the front two joints are elbows.
09:54Oh.
09:55All are mammals essentially.
09:59Whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:00Hang on.
10:00You're going to have to back up there a little bit.
10:02He's got elbows on his legs?
10:03On his front legs, yes.
10:04His front legs are essentially arms.
10:05I mean, the bones in his front leg are the radius and the ulna, just like ours.
10:10They're essentially walking on their hands and on their hind legs.
10:14And we may think of elephants as having four knees.
10:16They don't.
10:17They only have the two knees at the back.
10:19The two front ones are elbows.
10:21It seems unlikely, but it's true.
10:22That means my interesting bar fact that I tell everybody that the elephant is the only animal in the world
10:26that has four knees is complete rubbish.
10:28Exactly.
10:29And it's a common fact you'll find on the internet and it's a lie.
10:31Wow.
10:32And any zoologist will tell you so.
10:33I felt sorry for an elephant the other day.
10:35I watched it on the new BBC show about planet Earth.
10:39Oh, don't talk to me about that.
10:40With Richard Hammond on it.
10:41Richard Hammond was stood in front of all of these elephants in one of his tragic midlife crisis necklaces and
10:45it definitely had ivory on it.
10:49It did!
10:49It had a little thing!
10:51That's probably one of his cousins!
10:54They put Richard Hammond out in the middle of the night with lots of lines around just hoping that he
10:59would be savage live on television.
11:02I'm afraid it's minus ten to everybody except Alan.
11:05There you go.
11:06That's very good.
11:07So, well done Alan.
11:08In fact, you got it right, didn't you, in the end?
11:09No, I didn't.
11:10I put two knees.
11:11I thought it only had two knees.
11:12Which it does.
11:13But I put them on the front.
11:14Oh, did you?
11:17Yes, you get the minus ten.
11:18Sorry about that.
11:19And in fact, we can have here, look, a man here.
11:21How many legs does a sheep have according to him?
11:24Oh, boy.
11:24Beautiful.
11:26Oh dear, no.
11:28No.
11:29I go, no.
11:30If you go into a butcher, you can order a leg of lamb, or you can order two legs of
11:33lamb.
11:33But if it was from just the one lamb, you'd have two legs.
11:37Two legs and two drumsticks.
11:40We have leg of lamb and we have...
11:42Shoulder.
11:43Shoulder.
11:44They call the front legs of a lamb the shoulder.
11:47And if it was a pig, what are the front legs of a pig called?
11:51Drumsticks.
11:52No, no, no.
11:53They're not drumsticks.
11:54Sausages.
11:55Sausages.
11:55Sausages is the best guess.
11:57Crankling.
11:58No, no.
11:59Hands, actually.
12:00Hands.
12:00Hand of pigs, which you go into a butcher.
12:02Yeah, they call them hands.
12:03Hand of pig.
12:04I've experienced hand of pig before.
12:06I'm sure you have.
12:08I apologise.
12:09Go on about it.
12:10That's why you're on that side.
12:12Exactly.
12:14It's a court order.
12:15So.
12:16Yes.
12:18By the way, how does an elephant drink?
12:20With its trunk.
12:22Oh, Alany well and he woo.
12:24Oh, look.
12:26Do you know there's a sense in which, prepositionally, you were correct.
12:29Because it does drink...
12:30I don't understand what that means.
12:31I'm afraid.
12:32You said with its trunk.
12:33You didn't say through its trunk.
12:34Through its trunk.
12:35It doesn't drink through its trunk.
12:36Do you think the sense it does drink with its trunk?
12:38I think they scoops it into its mouth.
12:39Because it sucks it up and then blows it back into its mouth.
12:42They drink to forget, don't they?
12:45That's why.
12:47So, they don't suck it up.
12:48They drown.
12:49It's their nose.
12:49Any more than if we drank through our nose.
12:51We'd be in real trouble.
12:52You can do that thing with tequila shots through your nose though, can't you?
12:55Oh, yes you can.
12:56You can, yeah.
12:56That's...
12:57I mean, it's not a way to hydrate.
12:59No.
13:01You know how sometimes if you're violently ill...
13:03Yes.
13:04...and you're sick and it comes out your mouth and your nose,
13:06could an elephant vomit out its trunk?
13:08I wouldn't be surprised if it could.
13:09And I don't know if anybody's been cruel enough to experiment on making an elephant
13:13dependent on cocaine.
13:14Because that would be...
13:15That would be a pretty extraordinary expensive habit, wouldn't it?
13:18I view that...
13:19I view that as the highest calling of the stand-up comedian.
13:22If you're doing a concert and you can make someone, you can time a joke
13:25so that someone's taking a sip and it comes out their mouth.
13:27Consentation.
13:27Yeah, that is it.
13:28It's just the best thing when they've ruined their evening.
13:31Imagine...
13:32Imagine if you made an elephant laugh so much that...
13:35Yeah.
13:35...something came out its trunk.
13:36Or, of course...
13:37And then applauded.
13:38I remember...
13:39With its hands.
13:40The front of house...
13:41The front of house staff at the Savoy Theatre many years ago,
13:44when Noises Off, the Michael Frayne thing,
13:47showed me that every single day there were wet seats.
13:49People wet themselves laughing.
13:51Isn't that elderly people go to the cinema?
13:52No, it's not.
13:53In the theatre.
13:55I did a gig in Reading, Reading Festival, and I was doing so well on stage,
13:59actually, someone in the audience wet himself straight into a bottle
14:03and then threw it in.
14:05That's how good I was doing.
14:07Does that...
14:07I was that funny.
14:08Does that really happen?
14:09Hit me straight on the head.
14:10Does that really happen?
14:10I mean, you say Monsters of Rock at Donington, they do that, don't they?
14:13They throw stuff up onto the stage.
14:15Yeah, they're full of urine.
14:16They didn't break, though.
14:17Well, it's like when Bono was meant to play Glastonbury
14:19and then he pulled out, and I was so...
14:21I'd been literally saving up months' worth of piss to throw at him
14:24and I had to wait for an entire year.
14:27You poor thing.
14:29Had about that much, like a vat.
14:32Water cannon.
14:33Bono, he does come in for it, doesn't he?
14:35Bless him.
14:35He did his back in, that's why he couldn't do it there,
14:37which is fair enough,
14:38because I imagine my back would be pretty sore
14:40if I'd spent the last 20 years with my head up my own arse.
14:42Whoa!
14:49Oh, wow.
14:52Wowzo Rudy.
14:53So, yes, your skeleton is just like Jumbos,
14:57but apart from that,
14:58what else do we have in common with elephants,
15:00uniquely with elephants?
15:02Tusks.
15:02Tusks.
15:03We don't really have tusks.
15:04We do big tusks.
15:05Walruses have tusks and...
15:07Oh, I think of walrus.
15:08After a certain age,
15:10you get horrible whiskers under your chin.
15:12Oh, no!
15:13You just said...
15:13What's the last word you said?
15:15Chin.
15:16That's it.
15:16It's as simple as that.
15:18Very oddly,
15:19the only mammals that have chins are humans and elephants.
15:23You may say,
15:24hang on, dogs have chins.
15:25No, they don't.
15:26Wow.
15:26They don't have chins.
15:27Look at that real chin bone.
15:28Chin bone on the right,
15:29the right obviously the elephant,
15:30the left the human being.
15:31But no, obviously there's a big difference,
15:33but they both have chins.
15:35The elephant one,
15:36the actual face structure,
15:37looks a bit like one of those women on Made in Chelsea.
15:40It does!
15:41Because they do,
15:42all those women on Made in Chelsea
15:43look like a horse that swallowed an anvil
15:45and it's just sitting there.
15:46I was watching it on 3D TV the other day
15:49and one of them started talking about her gappy
15:50and he knocked off my sofa.
15:54That PG Woodhouse thing about the sort of
15:56the goofy upper-class person
15:58who looked as if he'd swallowed a laundry basket.
16:00You know, that sort of thick neck.
16:02And the constant look on their face
16:04like they've just forgotten their own name.
16:09Right.
16:10And the weird thing is nobody quite knows
16:12why we have chins, as it were.
16:14I mean, we know that they're extremely useful
16:16for various things like speech and so on,
16:18but do we have a chin because we can speak
16:20or do we speak because we have a chin?
16:22So no one knows why we've got a chin?
16:25Otherwise we're just a fun way of me.
16:25There are things we can do with it.
16:27I agree.
16:27I am currently peacocking,
16:29which is what I'm doing with it.
16:30Are you?
16:31Yeah.
16:31This beard is peacocking.
16:34That's what I'm doing.
16:35In as much as it's an attractive display.
16:37Yes.
16:37For ladies.
16:38So the ladies in here are currently impressed by this.
16:41I am peacocking with my beard.
16:43I know they might not be showing you now.
16:45I would try and peacock a little less camply.
16:47OK.
16:49Just a suggestion to the ladies you want to look for.
16:52Oi, babes, check this out.
16:53There you go.
16:55I call it the clunge sponge.
16:56Whoa.
16:57Too far.
16:59Maybe, maybe, maybe.
17:01Slipper difference.
17:01Slipper difference.
17:04Slipper difference.
17:04Oh, yeah.
17:07Anyway, the ancient Greeks used it for earache.
17:10Columbus took 80 tons of it to America.
17:13And Henry VIII made it compulsory.
17:16What am I talking about?
17:17Oh, hang on a second.
17:18What's the, what's the theme of the show?
17:19It's joints.
17:20Yes.
17:21I'm going to guess marijuana.
17:22Marijuana is the right answer.
17:24Cannabis, yes.
17:25So he took 80 tons to America.
17:26Yes.
17:27You're saying that he's a trafficker.
17:30I'm not saying Columbus is a drug trafficker.
17:32He wasn't.
17:32He must have had a very big sphincter.
17:38Is that a joke?
17:39It was pretty enormous.
17:41Pretty, pretty nervous.
17:43Well, as you probably know, a cannabis plant is also used for the creation of hemp and ropes.
17:49He had tons of it just on his ship alone of rope made from hemp.
17:53And also it was made under King James.
17:55It was made compulsory for the colonials to grow it and to use it.
17:59They mostly wore hemp clothing.
18:01And hemp was used as an oil, as a lubricant and all kinds of things.
18:03As you can buy hemp oil now.
18:05But by the middle of the 19th century, cannabis was recommended by the US pharmacopoeia for the following disorders.
18:12Neuralgia, tetanus, typhus, cholera, rabies, dysentery, alcoholism, anthrax, leprosy, incontinence, snake bite, gout, tonsillitis and insanity.
18:23That seemed to be a list of pretty much everything, though.
18:25I would imagine if you went into the chemist, it sounds like they only had one thing.
18:28I know.
18:29What have you got? Well, I'll have a thing.
18:30Well, there's a great word for that.
18:32Panacea.
18:32A cure-all, literally.
18:33And so they did more or less think it was a panacea.
18:36As they did so many drugs.
18:37As they did heroin when that came out.
18:39And cocaine.
18:40Well, in defence of both of those, it will take the edge off.
18:43Yeah.
18:45But there are still people who believe it.
18:47People are very keen for the legalisation of medicinal marijuana.
18:51It seems weird that we haven't got medicinal marijuana, but we've got medicinal heroin.
18:55Yes.
18:56That's kind of an odd quirk, isn't it?
18:57I suppose so, except that, of course, there is no real painkiller available, except the one that we get from
19:04the poppy, which includes morphine and heroin.
19:06We just can't make a drug that does the same thing.
19:10Mummy's hugs.
19:11Mummy's hugs and kisses.
19:13Sweetheart.
19:14That's so lovely.
19:15And if they don't work, heroin.
19:18Well, you've got it spot on the money, Jack.
19:21Absolutely.
19:21It is.
19:23It's illegal to sell the seeds in America of cannabis, except in one circumstance.
19:27Can you imagine what that might be?
19:28Is it if you're going to grow a beanstalk?
19:30No.
19:31No.
19:32It's for birdseed, fairly enough.
19:34Birdseed can have cannabis seeds in it.
19:36Anyway, there we are.
19:37So, what next?
19:37Ooh, let's have another pin the something on the something round, shall we?
19:41Because we enjoyed that last time enormously, didn't we?
19:43So, let's pin the knee on the bird.
19:45So, stick a little sticker on the bird's knee.
19:48That's all you have to do.
19:49Well, it's never going to be where I think it's going to be.
19:52In the knee bit.
19:55Or it could be a double buff.
19:57Oh, not a double buff.
19:59Well, I'm going to put in an early pitch for there.
20:02I'm going to say it's got a knee in its neck.
20:04Right.
20:05It's got a knee in its neck.
20:06That's how it bends its neck.
20:07And it's a little quirk of nature.
20:09Oh, and Jack's put it on the knee.
20:11You're not putting it on the knee, where the knee is.
20:13No, because the bendy bit would be...
20:15Oh, no, that could be like a little camp arm.
20:19It's a big game.
20:20The wings are going to be the arms this time, aren't they?
20:22The wings are the arms, aren't they?
20:23The wings are the arms.
20:24The wings are the arms.
20:25The legs are the legs.
20:26The legs have got the knees in.
20:27The legs have got the knees in.
20:28The legs have got the knees in.
20:29The knees wear the bend in the middle.
20:30The way they have it.
20:31Have it inhibited.
20:33Going knees.
20:34I'm going in.
20:34Going in.
20:35He's going in.
20:35He's going in, ladies and gentlemen.
20:37I'm feeling a double bluff.
20:38You're just covering the entire animal with red dots, Caroline.
20:42I've just given it my...
20:43I've given it a perm.
20:45You're giving it a coxcomb.
20:47There we are.
20:48So you've...
20:48Ah, dear, I'm afraid, Alan.
20:50You've fallen into our little trap.
20:52Those are...
20:52Oh, shit.
20:53Those...
20:54Those are not the knees.
20:55People think birds' knees goes backwards.
20:57Those are ankles.
20:58Oh, you see?
20:59You see, those are ankles.
21:00I thought it was going to be something like that.
21:01Yeah.
21:02Yeah, maybe.
21:03There.
21:04Now, Jack.
21:05Points for Jack.
21:06You lose one for the bottom one, which is the...
21:09Forget that one.
21:10It's an unusual flamingo.
21:12And then it's got a duck coming out of its arm.
21:21It's pretty hard to deny...
21:22Where are the duck's knees?
21:26They're here.
21:26Ask the flamingos.
21:28Well, there are the knees at the top.
21:30They're usually covered in feather.
21:32And the bottom bit is the ankle.
21:34I know it seems strange.
21:35So there's a very real chance if you kicked a flamingo
21:37in the knees and the balls at the same time.
21:39That's some pain, isn't it?
21:40Whoa, yes.
21:41Because they must be up in the same sort of area.
21:42Yes.
21:43They don't really have testicles, though, do they?
21:47I mean, they have little sexual parts.
21:49Well, because it's different.
21:51Well, so as do I.
21:55I mean, quite an unnerving sight as flocks of flamingos
21:57flew overhead if they did have dangling teeth.
22:01Boyish, girl.
22:02Boyish, boy.
22:03Boy, girl.
22:03So do I get a point?
22:04Have I got a point?
22:05I think you've got a point, Jack.
22:06Oh, yeah, yeah.
22:07There's an apple thing.
22:08Oh!
22:10Oh, I can't tell you how much that works.
22:13That always works for me.
22:15Thank you, Jack.
22:16Oh, bless you, apples.
22:17Starts with an apple.
22:18Next thing you know you're in some sort of therapy.
22:20But get with that.
22:22Hey, what did Glaswegian women lose on their wedding night?
22:26Oh, a fight.
22:27A fight?
22:28Or a Glaswegian man.
22:30A long battle against alcoholism.
22:34It's not necessarily Glaswegian, but, I mean, they're chips.
22:38In the past, it was a very traditional thing on your wedding
22:42to lose almost as a dowry, and the men would be given it
22:46as a 21st birthday present.
22:48It would be the loss of their...
22:49Teeth.
22:50Teeth is the right answer.
22:51Is it?
22:51Have them all out in one go, have a few days of eating milk
22:54and bread, and then have a dentures put in.
22:56It was considered a really good thing.
22:58It would save you all dentistry bills for the rest of your life.
22:59My mother was offered this.
23:01Was she?
23:01My mother got offered this when she was a young woman.
23:03I think she was about 18.
23:04She was nursing in Limerick, I think.
23:06And she went in to see a dentist back, too.
23:09Yeah.
23:10And he tried to convince her to have all her teeth taken out.
23:11I know.
23:12He sort of went, well, you've got...
23:13I mean, you've got quite good teeth, but really,
23:15it's going to be expensive over the years.
23:17That's exactly the reason.
23:18You know what?
23:18We've got an offer on.
23:19I will take all of these out.
23:21And we can just put in dentures.
23:22And dentures really are the future.
23:23It does seem a bit odd.
23:24It does seem that the woman getting her teeth out on her wedding night
23:27is more of a present for the husband, really, doesn't it?
23:30There are advantages, you might say, yes, absolutely,
23:33that there could be pleasurable outcomes.
23:44Scott and May.
23:45So...
23:46You've been very good on those sex chat lines.
23:50Do you like a pleasurable outcome with your little sexual bits?
23:54Yes.
23:55Right, let's just return to the 19th century
23:57and think about false teeth.
23:59Now, what were false teeth made of in those days?
24:01Wood.
24:02Wood was used, supposedly, George...
24:04Abraham Lincoln had wood in false teeth.
24:06Well, yes, indeed.
24:07And he would fall asleep in Congress or wherever they sit.
24:11And they were sprung-loaded, these things,
24:13so if you relax your jaw, the spring would fire them out of your mouth.
24:16That's absolutely right.
24:17They did.
24:17They did have springs, in France in particular,
24:20there are holes in their gums with...
24:22so they would sort of hang the tooth on it.
24:24I was looking at my granny the other day,
24:26and I had a really good idea, okay?
24:27This is what I'm going to pitch when I go on Dragon's Den,
24:29is to create some dentures that clamp shut
24:32every time they sense racism coming out.
24:34LAUGHTER
24:36He's brilliant, isn't he?
24:38LAUGHTER
24:39As soon as she starts...
24:41So, Susan...
24:41You get through a lot of Christmas.
24:43I've got nothing against them personally, but...
24:45LAUGHTER
24:46I think the word, the word but would be the key,
24:49would be the trigger words.
24:50It would be, I'm not racist, but.
24:52Yeah.
24:54Teeth is the answer.
24:56Well, yes, exactly.
24:56I think they used teeth.
24:58They did use teeth.
24:58But whose teeth could they use?
25:00Well, either...
25:01Did poor people sell their teeth?
25:02Yes, poor people did sell their teeth.
25:04So, I think dead people.
25:06Dead people, but a very particular kind of dead person.
25:08You are not allowed to rob a grave.
25:10Are we not?
25:10Not a grave, no.
25:12So, there are other places where you might...
25:13Oh!
25:14I know, it's disappointing.
25:15I'm in a lot of trouble.
25:17LAUGHTER
25:19There are other places where you might find
25:21too many dead bodies of healthy young men, usually,
25:24who might have good teeth.
25:26Oh!
25:26Battlefields.
25:26Battlefields is the right answer.
25:28Oh, how depressing.
25:28What became known as Waterloo teeth.
25:30It became almost your patriotic duty, if you lost a tooth,
25:33to fit in that of a dead soldier from Waterloo.
25:36There were these scavengers who went around the battlefields,
25:39pulling out the teeth of the dead bodies,
25:41and selling them back in barrels,
25:43and people would buy them and fit them into the holes
25:45where their teeth were, and...
25:48Barrels of teeth?
25:48How many people died in this battle?
25:50Well, thousands died in this battle.
25:51Wow.
25:52And each head had 32 teeth in it.
25:54And the dead horses, their teeth were sent to the people
25:56from the only way as Essex.
25:59LAUGHTER
26:02Absolutely right.
26:05But right up until the American Civil War passed the 1860s,
26:09they were called Waterloo Teeth,
26:10even though, of course, that was, you know,
26:11the Battle Waterloo was in 1815,
26:13so it was, you know, 45 years later.
26:15There's a tourist attraction in country Victoria in Australia
26:17that's, um...
26:18It's called Casper's World Miniature,
26:20and it's all sort of a bit bonkers,
26:21but then you get to the end of it,
26:23and you walk into this room,
26:24and suddenly you're just in this room
26:25full of sculptures made out of human teeth.
26:27Oh, my goodness.
26:28So crazy things like a tooth fairy made out of human teeth,
26:31and a hamburger made out of human teeth,
26:33and a castle made out of human teeth,
26:34and the horrible thing is,
26:36because it's food, like,
26:37because you're looking at a hamburger,
26:38you sort of start to think,
26:39oh, I wonder what that would taste like,
26:40and then you think about teeth on teeth.
26:42It's very grotesque.
26:43And this is in Victoria, in Australia?
26:44This is in Victoria, in Australia.
26:45And then, when we went through this exhibition,
26:47we were all quite disturbed,
26:48and we walked out through the gift shop,
26:49and there was an elderly man sitting there,
26:51eating mashed banana,
26:53because he had no teeth.
26:54Oh, my God.
26:56I always find whenever I'm in Melbourne,
26:58I can't get the image out of my head
27:00when there was a terrible crime in the Yarra district
27:02or something like that.
27:03Victorian police were soon on the scene,
27:04and I picture these up front,
27:05you know,
27:06mustaches,
27:07you know.
27:07Oh, no, no.
27:09You just can't help.
27:11Victorian police just means something very particular.
27:13Low your whistle running.
27:14Absolutely.
27:15There's a story you may have come across
27:17in the newspapers not that long ago
27:19about a Polish dentist.
27:20Does that ring a bell?
27:21A female Polish dentist?
27:23She got revenge on someone by...
27:26Her lover left her...
27:26Her lover left her,
27:27and she took out all his teeth.
27:28Her lover left her,
27:28and then went to see her when he had,
27:30a stupid idiot,
27:31went to see her when he had toothache,
27:33and she anaesthetized him and took all his teeth out.
27:36But, apparently,
27:37it was in all the newspapers,
27:38and he's absolutely bollocks.
27:39Can you imagine something in British newspapers
27:41that isn't true?
27:42No, no.
27:44She's taken all the teeth out,
27:46and then made a little hole in his scrotum
27:48and put them all in there.
27:49Yeah.
27:51Just loose.
27:52Of course.
27:52And then sewn up again.
27:54I have...
27:55Yes, that is a much better idea.
27:57Yeah.
27:58I think we can all agree she missed a great opportunity.
28:02Unless we've had a bag of teeth hanging around her.
28:06But you can have a look at this little device.
28:08What do you think that might be?
28:09I think it's a piece of dental equipment, Stephen.
28:11I'd have to play with it.
28:11It's certainly a piece of dental equipment.
28:13I pieced that together myself.
28:13I need that more specifically.
28:16I bet it's a tongue clamp or something.
28:18No, it's a little tongue clamp.
28:19Grotesque.
28:19Oh, is it for snipping open the scrotum
28:20to put the teeth in?
28:21For hang it.
28:23Hang it yourself.
28:24Well, yeah.
28:25Presumably,
28:25he'd have yanked something out.
28:26It looks like a Yankee out thing.
28:28It's not a Yankee out thing.
28:29Well, it's not...
28:29It's got...
28:29It kind of crosses over,
28:30and it's got those sort of cutting things.
28:32Is it for turning the upper lip into a fringe?
28:36I think it looks like you might jam it in somewhere,
28:38open it up,
28:39and then you could put the tooth in.
28:40Oh, no, it's not that.
28:41It's called the masticator.
28:43It's for people who had no teeth.
28:44You first chop your food up a little,
28:46and then you really mash it up.
28:48And so it's really...
28:50You don't need your teeth to chew.
28:51It basically just gets your food into a soft pulp.
28:56That's it.
28:57Exactly.
28:59There was a very common belief in the...
29:02Oh!
29:03You see...
29:04The load of teeth have fallen!
29:06It was an extremely valuable exhibit
29:09in the British Dental Museum,
29:10and we're very grateful to them.
29:11It's a rusty old tool.
29:12You could use it on your apple.
29:14I could, couldn't I?
29:15My lovely apple.
29:16I might do that.
29:18You're being very flirty, Jack.
29:20I quite like it.
29:28Yeah, that's...
29:29My sphincter just tightened.
29:33So...
29:34Not for the first time this evening, I shouldn't want to.
29:37That's your masticator.
29:39That's not your sphincter.
29:40It's your masticator.
29:41So, who's got noisy knees and a urine-soaked hairbrush?
29:46Oh, who hasn't?
29:48The creaking knees is something that just happens to you.
29:52Really noisy knees, yeah.
29:53Sounds like a parent complaint.
29:55You know, like your knees go and the kids peed on your hairbrush.
29:58Well, that would indeed happen, but this is a very particular species.
30:01My grandmother?
30:03Again, we're returning to her.
30:04We're returning to her.
30:04Your grandmother's not coming well out of this program, is she?
30:07No.
30:07She's a racist...
30:08Racist, pissy grand.
30:12Is it a bush baby?
30:14No, it's not.
30:14It is a mammal.
30:15It's an ungulate you'll find in Africa, in the savannah.
30:18What kind of ungulates do we find in the savannah?
30:21Richard Hammond.
30:22Richard Hammond.
30:25Clip springers, things like that.
30:27Yeah, antelopes.
30:28It's a type of antelope.
30:29Yes.
30:29Called an eland, which you may have heard of, an eland.
30:33An eland.
30:33There it is, a fine specimen.
30:35I can't see it's hairbrush.
30:37It's hairbrush is sort of the tufty little bit up the top,
30:39and the bigger and the mailer they are, the bigger the hairbrush,
30:42which there it is, and they soak it in their own urine
30:44in order to face off other males,
30:46because it's all about fighting the other males for the right to mate
30:49and pass on their genes.
30:50And what you were talking about is your display.
30:52Yes, I sometimes soak this in urine when I don't want any trouble.
30:57That's its hairbrush anyway, and it soaks it in urine,
31:00and this apparently is a big butch thing to do if you're in need of,
31:03but the other thing is it snaps its tendons over its legs like a guitar string,
31:07which makes a really, really very loud noise.
31:09And the thicker and the bigger the muscles of its leg,
31:11the louder the noise, and hence the more the chance it has of mating.
31:15Now, a lot of animals do make noises in order to attract mates in different ways.
31:18I don't know any, I don't know any humans that get sort of mates by getting,
31:22because sometimes when you get to a certain age you get out of a chair
31:23and something makes a knot and you go,
31:25was that me?
31:26Something creaks.
31:27Yes, it's a horrible thing.
31:28It's a weird snap.
31:29Or if you squat and, you know, for a low shelf in the library or something,
31:31to look at the book when you stand up,
31:33there's a sound of sort of crunching gravels on your knees.
31:35I don't know at what age you start going,
31:37ohhh.
31:38Yeah.
31:38When you sit into or get out of a chair.
31:40That's weird.
31:40Well, it was a Billy Conley point, wasn't it,
31:42is when you shout to pick something up.
31:43Yeah!
31:47So true.
31:48I had my son when I was 38,
31:50and so he's three now, but he's grown up,
31:52so that when he bends down to pick stuff up,
31:53he goes,
31:54because that's what mummy does.
31:56Oh, that's perfect.
31:57Mummy does it,
32:00and my little girl,
32:01and if you could carry up the stairs,
32:02she goes,
32:03oh, so many stairs.
32:07And you carry them?
32:09Yeah, just copying, just copying the,
32:11that would be her first words.
32:13I'm only,
32:14I'm only 23,
32:15and I got depressed so much the other day,
32:17because I turned down sexual intercourse with my girlfriend,
32:19and the reason that I gave is because I had heartburn.
32:22I'm 23,
32:23that shouldn't be happening.
32:24She said, I'll give you anything you want.
32:25I was like, some Renni,
32:26some Renni, quick.
32:28You need PPI's,
32:29proton pump inhibitors.
32:31That's what I want.
32:32I offered one of them as well.
32:33Oh, yes.
32:37Well, that's really,
32:37that is sad news,
32:38as a 23-year-old,
32:39you really shouldn't be using that as an excuse not to have sex.
32:42to be better to be honest.
32:43That's not good enough,
32:44no.
32:45I can recommend a diet for you.
32:47Come and see me.
32:49So.
32:51Anyway, sorry.
32:53I knew this would have to stop.
32:54Stop it.
32:54It involves nuts.
32:56Stop it.
32:56Yeah.
32:58There's a new meaning to,
33:00we shall march on Whitehall.
33:01Um.
33:03Um.
33:06Anyway.
33:08Who wrote the cat in the hat?
33:10Dr. Seuss.
33:11Oh!
33:12Wah!
33:13Wah!
33:14Wah!
33:15I'm afraid,
33:16not Dr. Seuss,
33:18but Dr. Zeuss.
33:20Zeuss.
33:21Zeuss.
33:21He's spelled S-E-U-S-S.
33:23It's a Germanic name.
33:24His real name was Theodore Zeuss Geisel.
33:27But there was a Dr. Seuss,
33:29and he did really propose something,
33:32which is still held to be true today.
33:34And I wonder if you might guess what that is.
33:36A scientific thing?
33:37It is a very scientific thing, yes.
33:39He doesn't look like he enjoyed it though, does he?
33:41Well, he learned like a lot of Victorians,
33:42he does look a bit somber and solemn, shall we say.
33:45Jack.
33:45Jack's a proper beard.
33:46Yeah.
33:47Yes.
33:49No.
33:50Is it physics, chemistry, maths?
33:52One that transformed the way we looked at the world,
33:54quite literally.
33:56Glasses.
33:59I was trying to stress not looked, but world.
34:02Geology.
34:03Geology.
34:04Yeah.
34:04He discovered by looking at rock formations and fossils,
34:07there was certain, so many strange things in common
34:09with the way the different continents seem to fit together.
34:12Well, see the guy that did continental drift.
34:13Well, not so much continental drift,
34:14which he didn't quite get,
34:16but he had this idea that there was once one big supercontinent.
34:19Gondwana land.
34:20Which he called Gondwana land, exactly.
34:22He was the man who named it,
34:24and as you know, New Zealand was one of the islands
34:26that spun off from it, India, Africa,
34:28and you can see where South America and Africa
34:30fit together exactly like jigsaw puzzles.
34:32And that photo was taken earlier then.
34:34It was quite a lot earlier, yes.
34:36Millions of years earlier.
34:37And that's what Dr. Seuss did,
34:39and he was pronounced Dr. Seuss,
34:41as opposed to Theodore Zeuss Geisel,
34:44who created The Cat in the Hat and Sam I Am and other such things.
34:47And his first children's manuscript story was rejected 27 times
34:51because he was told it had no moral.
34:53There he is with his most famous creation, I suppose.
34:56And he tried different surnames.
34:57He tried, for example, Rosetta Stone.
35:00He's quite a good idea.
35:02And Theo Lezieg, Lezieg being geisled backwards.
35:06But in the end, Dr. Seuss was the one that caught on.
35:09So, anyway, Dr. Edward Seuss is the man who first came up
35:12with the idea of the supercontinent Gondwana land.
35:15What kind of glass does the Popemobile have in its windows?
35:17Oh, probably the...
35:18Has he got the slidey kind so he can sell ice creams?
35:23I imagine it plays the ice cream band music.
35:25I'm not casting aspersions on the Catholic Church, but...
35:27Don't be very careful.
35:28A stained glass.
35:30Stained glass, that's a very good point.
35:32Tinted.
35:33I love everything.
35:34Tinted.
35:34Tinted.
35:35So, like, when they're all waving,
35:37everyone thinks that he's in there doing that,
35:38but actually he's cracking open some tinnies.
35:41What else would you say about the glass?
35:43Well, you want us to say bulletproof, don't you?
35:45That's the thing, isn't it?
35:46I wouldn't.
35:47Would I want you to say what?
35:49Bulletproof.
35:49Oh!
35:55I'm afraid we're being very technical with you.
35:57There's no such thing as bulletproof glass
35:58by any manufacturer or anybody else.
36:00What? That must have cost me a fortune in my hand.
36:01It's called bullet-resistant glass.
36:03They don't claim it to be bulletproof.
36:04Four inches thick will do.
36:05It's layered with sort of vinyl and things in between
36:08and it absorbs the shock of the bullet.
36:10There's a really clever, which is one-way bullet-resistant glass,
36:14where you shoot into it and the bullet does that,
36:18but you can shoot out from the other side and it goes straight through.
36:21Well, if that gets fitted incorrectly and you've got one shot...
36:25Or they could put a gun up to it.
36:27It's because of the way the laminations done.
36:29I can describe to you if you wish.
36:30It works because of the order in which the layers are assembled.
36:33The shock-absorbed layer is on the inside with the glass on the outside.
36:36That would be great if you could be shot by the Pope.
36:39That would be... How exciting would that be?
36:42You could shit-eat-shoot and be like...
36:43Yeah, you're going to hell. I've had a word.
36:46He could definitely do the sideways thing, wouldn't he?
36:49It doesn't matter of interest.
36:50How many Popes does the Vatican have per square kilometre?
36:54How many Popes?
36:55Yeah.
36:56Buried or in storage?
36:58No, actually live living Popes.
37:00One.
37:01No.
37:01No.
37:02There's actually 2.27 recurring.
37:04Because Vatican City is only 0.44 of a kilometre.
37:07Wow.
37:07So on a hit, the average would be per square kilometre.
37:10Well, I think we have it, ladies and gentlemen.
37:12The most annoying question you've ever asked.
37:15I think we've done it.
37:18I understand your point of view.
37:21Well, we weren't going to get it, were we?
37:23No, you weren't.
37:24So, anyway, how would you improve this plane here?
37:27How would you make it a bit safer?
37:29Well, now...
37:30Well, I'm no aeronautical engineer, but I can see a floor.
37:33Yeah.
37:34Ryanair just getting worse and worse.
37:37They do, don't they?
37:38O'Leary would charge you for the extra air conditioning.
37:42Is it...
37:42You get a cheaper ticket if you bring your own fuselage?
37:45Do you know what I want to do when Michael O'Leary dies?
37:47I think what they should do is they should put him in his coffin
37:50and then build a grave that's slightly too small for the coffin to fit into.
37:53So it's just like that baggage claim thing that you have to try and put the baggage in.
37:57Yes!
37:57All his family can be trying to shove him in.
37:59And then when they can't, so you're going to have to charge you extra.
38:02Oh, there would be much cheering.
38:03Well, no, this was a rather cunning insight that when aeroplanes returned with, you know, battered and hurt like that,
38:10that one there, as you can see, has been pretty badly hurt.
38:12But it came back and the crew survived.
38:15But the ones that didn't come back were hit elsewhere.
38:20If you hit there, you can clearly survive.
38:22So spend the money on extra armoring on the bits where it wasn't hit.
38:28And that's where its knees are.
38:32And they're the fine four Merlin engines.
38:35It's good, isn't it?
38:36It's a clever insight, isn't it?
38:37It's quite cunning.
38:39So there you are.
38:39But now we're going to close very excitingly with a jolly jake, which I like to do from time to
38:44time.
38:45It's to bring out a really extraordinary mechanism, a device.
38:48It's called a strand-based.
38:50And if you know Dutch, you'll know that means?
38:54Strand-based.
38:55Yeah.
38:56What means?
38:57It means good times, deaf leopard.
38:59Yeah.
39:00That's all the Dutch I know.
39:02Strand is like English word strand, beach.
39:04Beach.
39:05Beach.
39:05And a beast, as in hearty beast or wildy beast, is a beast, basically.
39:11A sand beast.
39:12A sand beast.
39:12So is this like a waiter that's done loads of tourists?
39:15There's a man called Theo Jensen, an extraordinary artist inventor,
39:19who has created this remarkable machine.
39:21Do you know about it?
39:22It walks along.
39:22It walks on the sand without any electronics or anything else like that.
39:26Just powered by the wind.
39:27I mean, it's really extraordinary.
39:28This is some of the things it can do.
39:30No metallic or electronic parts, remember that.
39:32You can detect the tide coming in, walk away from the water,
39:35anchor itself by hammering a pin into the ground.
39:37That's what it looks like if the wind gets too strong.
39:40You can even store up air in bottles when the wind is blowing
39:43and release it to keep itself moving when the wind drops.
39:45Lots of clips on YouTube, but you have to go to Holland
39:48to see them live on the beach.
39:49But through the magic of the next big thing in tech,
39:53which is 3D printing, where you can print an object out,
39:57this is a 3D printed object.
39:58It's entirely 3D printed.
40:00It needed no extra thing except to have the propeller put on the end.
40:03Wow.
40:04And this is a version of the sea beast.
40:06And instead of blowing, I'm going to use a little sort of electric fan like so.
40:11There we go.
40:12Wow.
40:13Oh, sand beast.
40:17Isn't that cool?
40:19That's great.
40:19And that was printed out.
40:21But isn't it an amazing object?
40:24Oh, it looks really spooky.
40:25It's coming from your glasses.
40:26I can't believe you got that from a 3D printer.
40:28I know.
40:29I sort of feel like this is going to be bluff.
40:31That can't be a real thing.
40:33I promise you it's true.
40:33So how does it work?
40:34Is it a block of resin?
40:36How does it...?
40:36It's basically lasers fusing pounded plastic together.
40:39Even though it consists of at least 76 separate moving interlocking parts,
40:43they emerge from the printer, ready to operate,
40:46without the need for further assembly,
40:48with the exception of the addition of the propeller.
40:50No way.
40:51That's absolutely right.
40:51That is the future.
40:52Isn't it amazing?
40:53You want to make sure you hit the right number of copies.
40:55Yeah.
40:56Oh, 12!
40:57Oh!
40:5812, it does take rather a long time.
40:59The house is full of sand beasts.
41:00No!
41:01The sand beasts!
41:03Presumably...
41:03They are becoming commercially available.
41:05Although now you can get a consumer 3D printer for about £1600.
41:09Although it's available on the QI website for £12.99.
41:12I can't find a way by that.
41:14I think we should...
41:14Let's hear it for this amazing routine.
41:17Really.
41:19Really impressive.
41:21I love doing that.
41:23Well, that brings us to the end of tonight's question.
41:26So please do join me now for the scoreboard.
41:30We have a clear winner.
41:32With minus five points, it's Cal Wilson!
41:34Oh!
41:43And a highly creditable blue and dewy-eyed second with minus 24 is Jack Whitehall!
41:54It's crowded at the bottom.
41:57That's a very unfortunate phrase.
41:59Oh!
42:01With minus 45 in third place, Jimmy Carr.
42:04Minus 45?
42:08But...
42:10Six of the best behind on minus 51 Alan Davies!
42:22Thank you all very much indeed for watching and that's all from Jack, Jimmy, Cal, Alan and me.
42:27Please spend the rest of your lives being extremely good to each other.
42:29Good night.
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