- 1 day ago
First broadcast 23rd September 1986.
Ray Brooks - Robby Box
Sharon Duce - Jan Oliver
Pamela Cundell - Vi Box
James Ottaway - Tommy
Lisa Geoghan - Debby Oliver
Stephen Tate - Dick Mayer
Frank Mills - Gil Roach
Deirdre Costello - Joan
Andy Mulligan - Geordie
Kenneth Waller - Ferret
Roger Walker - Kipper
Alex Tetteh-Lartey - Black George
John Bardon - Ken Parsons
Desmond McNamara - Des Parsons
Herbert Norville - Vince
Alton Douglas - Len
Shelagh Stephenson - Hospital Sister
Matthew Taylor - Alan
Paul Williamson - Man with Shotgun
Lloyd McGuire - Police Sergeant
Sarah James - Bank Cashier
Ray Brooks - Robby Box
Sharon Duce - Jan Oliver
Pamela Cundell - Vi Box
James Ottaway - Tommy
Lisa Geoghan - Debby Oliver
Stephen Tate - Dick Mayer
Frank Mills - Gil Roach
Deirdre Costello - Joan
Andy Mulligan - Geordie
Kenneth Waller - Ferret
Roger Walker - Kipper
Alex Tetteh-Lartey - Black George
John Bardon - Ken Parsons
Desmond McNamara - Des Parsons
Herbert Norville - Vince
Alton Douglas - Len
Shelagh Stephenson - Hospital Sister
Matthew Taylor - Alan
Paul Williamson - Man with Shotgun
Lloyd McGuire - Police Sergeant
Sarah James - Bank Cashier
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh, my God.
00:30I've known war have frozen out.
00:31What?
00:32I see it.
00:33Come on.
00:36I didn't wake you up because I thought when you came in so late last night.
00:40You didn't wake me up?
00:41No.
00:42Oh, ta.
00:43Who's coming to tea?
00:46I'm getting it nicer when Tommy comes back.
00:51Want a cup of tea? You'll have to make fresh.
01:05Problems?
01:07Bloody shockers.
01:09Not them kids again.
01:11Shock absorbers.
01:13Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:14Er, spanner.
01:17Spanner?
01:18Yeah.
01:21That's a wrench, not a spanner.
01:27Yeah.
01:41Geordie could do with a hand.
01:43Well, can't he take it down the garage, then?
01:45Money.
01:47Oh.
01:48How much?
01:49Too much.
01:50Well, you know, don't you?
01:51I mean, if I can do anything, you know, anything to help.
01:55How?
01:56You're not a builder or a painter.
01:58You're not a mechanic.
02:00You're not exactly a bank manager, are you?
02:07Take it back, Tom.
02:10Why?
02:12Because next move, I'm going to fork your king and queen, aren't I?
02:17Oh.
02:18I can't concentrate.
02:22Listen.
02:23Have a peppermint, eh?
02:25Blow your head off, eh?
02:26Eh?
02:27Oh.
02:27Oh, chap.
02:28Yes, sir.
02:29I'll keep them until later.
02:32Oh, and, er, something simple.
02:34Uh, crib.
02:35No, no.
02:37Got me into a rate, Tommy.
02:39You've read them all.
02:41It's you fancy a game.
02:42Game of what?
02:43I don't know.
02:44Anything you like.
02:45Um, five-card stud.
02:47You know, just for laughs.
02:49Vince, this is your number.
02:50Vince is good at poker, he says.
02:52See, you can't play poker, are you?
02:55And why not?
02:56It's gambling.
02:58Well, just coming into one of these places is a gamble.
03:02Right, first, Jack.
03:05Oh, you can leave me out of it.
03:22Good morning, Debbie.
03:23Morning, Mr Johns.
03:35Guess who?
03:36No, it's all right.
03:37They'll only think it's a customer.
03:40What are you doing at lunchtime?
03:43Good.
03:44Come round, then.
03:45We'll have a sandwich.
03:46About 12.
03:48Great.
03:50See you, Alan.
03:53Call you.
04:03Oh!
04:05That was a good one, eh?
04:06Me and all.
04:07Thanks, Lance.
04:08Terrific.
04:10Oh, Des.
04:11Can't they play on your bed?
04:13Not with my legs.
04:15What about my urnia?
04:16Well, they ain't touched you yet.
04:18You're all right.
04:25Oh, I sure do.
04:37Johnny!
04:40Johnny!
04:45Is he there?
04:46Ah, wait a minute.
04:47I'll call him for you.
04:49Tuck.
04:52What's up?
04:53We've got the subbies.
04:56Oh, I have to get my head next.
05:09He'll be all right as long as nobody cooks.
05:12Oh, she's all together.
05:14Aye.
05:15It's a good job one of us has got his head screwed on.
05:17There's 40 pounds in there for the plaster for last week, OK?
05:21I don't know.
05:21It just seems to be all out, out, doesn't it?
05:24I'm looking forward to the day when it's all in, in.
05:27We'll get there, OK?
05:29All right.
05:29See you.
05:43You're two.
05:45And up five.
05:49Pity.
05:50I've got a tasty hand here, Rob.
05:52Yeah, I could see that, Des, yeah.
05:55I mean, you don't bring a wad of notes into a place like this, do you?
05:59See, normally, I never allow Margaret's.
06:02Nor me, Des.
06:03But this is not normal.
06:08If you win, I'll give you a check.
06:09No messing about.
06:13Now, that's fair, isn't it?
06:15Yeah, eh?
06:15Go on, Robbie.
06:17He's had a lot of pain, Robbie.
06:21What are you going to use, then?
06:23Sam, can you fetch that box on my table?
06:25Yeah, sure.
06:25Put it up.
06:37Smarties?
06:38Brown ones are nega.
06:40Blue's five.
06:41Yellow's ten.
06:43Red's what we might be needing there, mate.
06:45I don't know.
06:46That's your five and up.
06:49Five.
06:52Yeah, tasty was right.
06:56Okay, there's a short five and up.
07:06I'm up three.
07:15Fifteen.
07:16Get your feeding hands out.
07:17Let him have one.
07:18It's his bed.
07:20A green one, then.
07:22There ain't any green ones.
07:24Well, I'm sorry about that, but I need the others.
07:27Oh!
07:28I got enough to call the nurse.
07:30All right.
07:31All right.
07:32Give him an orange one.
07:36Tom.
07:38Embedments.
07:39Yeah.
07:39I'd rather have a smarty.
07:41Give us a bit.
07:41Oh.
07:42Oh.
07:43Oh.
07:50This is worth a fiver.
07:53You're, er, trying to tell me something?
07:55You're fifteen.
08:00I'm up thirty.
08:12Fifty.
08:17Okay.
08:20Rates.
08:21Fifty.
08:22Fifty.
08:23Fifty.
08:23Fifty.
08:34Fifty.
08:34Here's your fifteen.
08:36Done.
08:38Be a pity to finish the hand, wouldn't it?
08:41So, I'll, er, I'll see you.
08:47Good thinking.
08:47VINCENT.
08:51Oh, oh.
09:02Oh, oh, oh.
09:05Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
09:08Oh, lucky, miss.
09:17right what's the damage right
09:22looks like uh 108 quid that's right des
09:34i should have seen you come in son
09:39bye-bye tommy see you later
09:47what's going on
09:51mr wilson what are you doing out of bed
09:58hello home cash please
10:01have you got any identification yeah
10:04oh this needs two signatures
10:08it's a business account
10:10mr d and mr k parsons both have design it
10:27you're robbing banks now then me i'm here at your party oh yeah oh oh
10:35what's all this then mind the paying work sorry good clean runner yours for six and a half
10:39i see you're flogging wagons now are you
10:43if i have to yeah i'm selling this one on for a mate
10:46not for charlie
10:47listen i'm gonna lose 108 quid unless i can get the knees to them back by the time the bank's
10:51shut
10:51yeah yeah well you've got hours then ain't ya
10:53i wouldn't mind somebody else being there with me
11:16is this the right place yeah of course
11:25the six and a half
11:35i'm gonna lose
11:38i'm gonna lose
11:44i'll lose
11:45i'm gonna lose
11:49I've been passing the time of day with your brother.
11:51He's well on the road to recovery.
11:52Oh, you've been up in the hospital, have you?
11:54That's right, we had a game of cards.
11:56He's a good player, but he lost.
11:58108 quid.
11:59Now he's done his signature, now I want you to do yours.
12:02108? You've got to be joking.
12:05No, no, no, no.
12:06This is a company check, right?
12:07He's put his name down there.
12:09I've got about 500 witnesses, now you've got to sign there.
12:11No, sorry, son, it's the wrong account, isn't it?
12:14He's used the wrong checkbook.
12:15You tell him he's used the wrong checkbook.
12:17Well, that's simple, isn't it?
12:17You sign it and he can pay you back.
12:19No, I can't do that, son.
12:20He's made a mistake, hasn't he?
12:22So it's down to him, isn't it?
12:23No, Des doesn't make mistakes.
12:25He's not the type.
12:28Goodbye, Mr Box.
12:32Excuse me, Mr Parsons.
12:34You know what this is, don't you?
12:36This is a forgery.
12:38Your brother has done a naughty.
12:41Yeah, he's uttered a fraudulent document.
12:46That's right, yeah.
12:48He's made a silly mistake.
12:50Which you can sort out, because in any court of law, I would get the money and costs, and
12:56you get done, because I've got witnesses and I've got friends.
13:00Yeah, well, look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
13:01You can have goods to the value.
13:03You what?
13:04Well, all this stuff, it's bankrupt stock.
13:07It's my business.
13:08All right, I've got cement.
13:09Now, that is a bargain.
13:11Window frames, they're top quality.
13:12What am I going to do with window frames?
13:14Sell them, son.
13:15Who to?
13:16Anybody.
13:17Paint.
13:18I'll sell that for two quid a litre.
13:20That's the best.
13:21Listen, you're a friend of the family.
13:23One pound.
13:24Oh, yeah?
13:25Well, yeah, well, that's double the amount on account of the inconvenience.
13:28Double?
13:28Yeah, well, you sell it on for a bit more.
13:30See, look, if you're in a blue, look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
13:32I'll stick half a dozen brushes on top.
13:48Half price?
13:49What's the nip for him?
13:51Keeping out of jail.
13:52No, no, it's got to be nicked.
13:54No, it's bankrupt stock.
13:55He paid buttons for it.
13:56Buttons?
13:56Well, he could still have pushed the price off.
13:59No, no, he was sweating, you see.
14:00It was that check it could have done him.
14:01So what's the deal?
14:02No deal, it's yours.
14:04Well, all of it, I told you, if I can help, this is a contribution to the business.
14:07Least I could do.
14:08Well, well, what, I know labels.
14:10Look, there isn't a label on it, look.
14:12Because it's bankrupt stock, you bungehead.
14:15Aye, well, what colour?
14:17Oh, cream emulsion.
14:1920 litres of Vienna blue silk finish.
14:22No, no, I couldn't use the blue, Robbo.
14:23It's quality stuff.
14:25The owner won't have blue on the place.
14:26He's a committed socialist.
14:28Oh, my God.
14:30I'll take the cream, though.
14:31Thank you very much.
14:32Well, come on, let's get it shifted.
14:34I'll be here all day.
14:40That saved us some money, that year.
14:41Good.
14:42About 200 pounds.
14:43Well, it's a start, isn't it?
14:44On what?
14:45On five grand.
14:47Robby, that wasn't just five grand, you know.
14:49And that was our home.
14:51Well, I haven't forgotten.
14:56Nice, isn't it?
14:57Mm-hmm.
14:58You got that old rust strap with no teeth?
15:00Aye.
15:00Oh, it must have been a dark old night.
15:02Rubbish.
15:02Shush.
15:03This one's up for offers, actually.
15:06Quite an exchange.
15:09Do what?
15:18Here, what's he say?
15:19Oh, shush.
15:20Mounting goat.
15:21Will you shush?
15:25Here, didn't he say Mounting Goat?
15:26Hello, boys.
15:27Oh, shut up.
15:28I can't hear it.
15:29Nobody can hear it.
15:33Who won me?
15:34Captain Silver.
15:35I'm never.
15:36This is ridiculous.
15:38Who won me?
15:39Don't ask me.
15:40Look, who mended that?
15:41Gil's brother in law, Bertie de Broger.
15:43I might have guessed.
15:44Don't knock it.
15:45He's useless, but he's cheap.
15:47Joanie, I want my winnings.
15:49What winnings?
15:50We all want our winnings.
15:51We want our winnings.
15:53We want our winnings.
15:55We want our winnings.
15:57What Gil's really done at this time?
15:59He's fixed the tenor so it's villain-proof.
16:01Except you can't hear it.
16:03Is this worse or worse?
16:04We want our winnings.
16:05We want our winnings.
16:07Oi.
16:09Oi.
16:10News of the betting, our racing correspondent, Peter Bronco.
16:13Let me call her, please.
16:14If they know who won the 3.30, yeah.
16:16Risky Dick.
16:17What?
16:19Risky Dick, natural brakes, blow a third.
16:21How do you know?
16:23I don't know.
16:24I never heard Risky Dick mentioned.
16:26I never heard nothing mentioned.
16:28It's a conspiracy.
16:29It's a what?
16:30Gil and the bodger fixed it so we'd never know who's won.
16:32That's evil.
16:33That's Gil.
16:34That's done it.
16:35I've had enough.
16:36I'm going up the mecca.
16:37Coming, George.
16:38Coming up the mecca.
16:39Coming up the mecca.
16:42Lads, just a minute.
16:46Lads, lads.
16:47Can we talk about this?
16:52I'll say one thing for you, Gil.
16:54You know how to keep your customers happy.
16:58Risky Dick, did you?
16:59Yeah, but that's not the point, is it?
17:00I mean, they've got the needle.
17:02Eh?
17:03And it's not just the tan away on you.
17:05Me?
17:07Come here, son.
17:08Let's have a little walk.
17:09I mean, take a look at this place.
17:11I mean, you wouldn't keep chickens in a place like this, would you?
17:14Oh, God.
17:14No, no, shush, shush, shush.
17:15Listen.
17:16If they're going to be robbed blind week after week after week after week,
17:21they want somewhere nice to be robbed blind in.
17:24It would cost me an arm and a leg to do this place up.
17:26What's wrong with you, son?
17:28Oh, come on.
17:28It's all deductible, isn't it?
17:31Wear and tear.
17:32It's like the inland revenue paying you.
17:35And that way, you keep your clientele happy.
17:37Nah.
17:38They wouldn't even notice a difference.
17:43Do you want to talk about this, eh?
17:48Every time you talk to me, I lose money.
17:50Oh.
17:52The way you're going, son, you won't have any money left to lose.
17:55You tell him, Rob.
17:56Shut up.
17:56You've had your pay, Rose.
17:57Oh, shush, shush.
17:58Oh, shush.
18:07They'll be back.
18:09Yeah?
18:10Yeah.
18:11No-one else will have them.
18:12Where do you think they've gone, then?
18:13Church?
18:14They've gone to where the grass is greener,
18:16where they give customers big colour tellies,
18:19and they tell them who won the last race.
18:21Ain't they got no loyalty?
18:24No, stupid question.
18:27Who are the ringleaders, then?
18:29There's Ferret, Kipper and George.
18:30You get them back, you're halfway home.
18:33A few free bets.
18:35I'm not going to stoop to bribery.
18:37You've done it before.
18:38Yeah, but they could win.
18:39It's a gamble.
18:40That's the business you're in.
18:44No.
18:45Forget it.
18:49I've forgotten it.
18:49I've forgotten it.
18:50Hang on, hang on.
18:51Straight out of the window.
18:51Hang on.
18:52Could be.
18:52What?
18:53What?
18:55Would a fiver cover it?
18:57Hmm?
19:08Five.
19:10I'm talking about 50 quid each.
19:14150 quid?
19:16And maybe more?
19:17For nothing?
19:18No, it's not for nothing.
19:19It's for your livelihood.
19:21You've lost me.
19:22First, get the tannoy fixed.
19:24Yeah.
19:25Well, that's easy, but Bodger will do it for nothing.
19:27City's not.
19:29Second, get the place painted.
19:31Well, that's another 500, nigger.
19:33You get Ferret, Kipper and George to do it.
19:37No, no, no.
19:38As soon as they've spent their 50s, they'll be off.
19:41Look, if they've painted the place, they want everybody else to see it.
19:44That's human vanity, you see.
19:46Then you start taking real money.
19:50Now, here's the best bit.
19:52I can get you some very cheap paint.
19:55Top quality, but at a silly price.
19:57Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:58Well, someone left it to you in their will, didn't they?
20:00What would it cost you in a paint shop, eh?
20:02The paint?
20:03100 quid.
20:04I can get it for you for...
20:0735.
20:08Who's getting done?
20:11Not you, Gilbert.
20:12That's all you've got to worry about.
20:1635 quid.
20:20Yeah, well, a nice brown one, Jules Lamarck's.
20:23No, it's terrible.
20:23Brown's a very bad colour.
20:25Now, what you want is a sort of, um...
20:28Vienna blue.
20:30Vienna blue?
20:31What's that?
20:32Same colour as a five-pound note, you see.
20:34But you've got to move fast.
20:36Because punters get used to a place, you see.
20:37So get on a ferry.
20:38Tell him about the credit.
20:39I'll get the paint down here about five o'clock.
20:41Free delivery.
20:42But don't hang about.
20:43Oh, no, I'll link to 35 quid.
20:46What, now?
20:47Yeah, well, it's a strictly cash deal, you see.
20:51All right.
21:02Vienna blue.
21:16Hello, son.
21:17Not still at it then, are you?
21:19Yeah.
21:19Tommy, but...
21:21I've just washed it.
21:24You put the kettle on, I'm parched.
21:26Oh, Tommy won't know the old place.
21:29Talking about...
21:31Tommy won't know the old place.
21:34It's always like this.
21:39I think we've got a bit of Swiss roll in the cupboard.
21:41Well, it's bad for you.
21:42I'll only have a small bit.
21:44That's all there is, a small bit.
21:48Bobby!
22:06Well, let's put the tea ready, eh?
22:11Hello, Joni.
22:12Hi, Lance.
22:12I thought you'd lost your way.
22:13Here we are then.
22:14Now, listen, you've fixed up the girl, Paul.
22:16Peter, what are you paying you?
22:17He's doing better than that.
22:19Better?
22:19Free credit.
22:2025 quid each.
22:2225?
22:23Yeah, he offered us 20, but we upped him.
22:25We're not stupid.
22:28Yeah, Robert, where's the brushes?
22:29Oh, the brushes?
22:30I forgot the brushes!
22:32Oh, no.
22:32Here we go again.
22:33We're going to be here all night.
22:34Yes, baby, so.
22:38I've got brushes.
22:39Why didn't you say so?
22:40On your way!
22:53Oh, here the brushes go!
23:06Your contribution to the business, this.
23:07You've done it again, haven't you?
23:09I just don't believe this.
23:12Work now!
23:14Talk later.
23:17What are we going to do with it all?
23:19Lose it!
23:20Lose it, he said.
23:21Lose all of this.
23:22I mean, the man's out of his mind.
23:24He must be joking.
23:24Where could you lose all that?
23:26Where?
23:27I think of somewhere.
23:28Great.
23:31What?
23:32What about gills, then?
23:33Hmm?
23:34Oh, well.
23:35Well.
23:36Well.
23:43Funny shade of blue.
23:45They keep thinking up new names.
23:46You can't go by what it says on the label.
23:48It ain't got no label.
23:50That's how they get round it.
23:53It's started.
23:54It's looking pretty good, isn't it?
23:56What, lives on, tins out.
23:57Yeah, legal.
23:58It's a treat.
23:58It'll be great when it's finished.
24:00Can't stop.
24:01Look after the yard, will you?
24:09Bankrupt stock.
24:10We need our heads looking at.
24:12He get us his word.
24:13That's what I mean.
24:14We need our heads looking at.
24:16Receiving stolen goods.
24:19Who says he's stolen?
24:21What do you think the coppers were doing, then?
24:23Square dancing?
24:24All right, but we didn't know.
24:25I will tell that to the judge.
24:28Now where to?
24:29Stands to reason, doesn't it?
24:31If the stuff underneath is the undercoat,
24:33then the stuff on the top's got to be the overcoat.
24:48Oh, God.
24:50Good, isn't it?
24:54He told me it was Vienna Blue.
24:56Yeah, well, it says all the lint.
24:58I suppose if he had said Guinness, you'd have drunk it.
25:05It'll look great when it's finished.
25:08Well, what are you writing for?
25:10What about you took the paint away?
25:12He took the paint?
25:14Why?
25:15I don't know.
25:17What's going on?
25:19Oh, perhaps he'll bring it back, eh?
25:21Looks great, doesn't it?
25:24Do you like it?
25:26Knock out.
25:29Do you like it?
25:30It's terrific.
25:32It's terrific.
25:50Right, get the paint off the truck.
25:51Dump it over here and off we go.
25:53Uh-oh.
25:57Hello?
25:58I don't think this is a very good idea.
26:00Looks like it's going to rain.
26:11So what's the next good idea?
26:18Oi, George.
26:20Is Geordie about?
26:21No, no one's here.
26:24He said he was a bit interested in the truck, you see.
26:27Did he say anything to you about it?
26:28No.
26:31Well, I can't keep coming and going.
26:33When's he going to be back?
26:38A nice little hideaway.
26:40Why don't we try Oxford Street?
26:41When I used to come here as a kid, there was never a soul about.
26:44Ah, well, they'd be meant to the motorcastles then, isn't it?
26:47What are they all doing?
26:48There, are keeping their noses clean.
26:51Oh, come on.
27:08Oh, look at that.
27:10What?
27:12That.
27:14Look at all of that.
27:16Oh, that.
27:17Oh, Robbie.
27:23No good you looking at me like that, Panther.
27:27We've both got to be on our very best behaviour when the old man comes home, haven't we?
27:35No getting under his feet, no jumping on his tum, and no tearing his cardie to bits.
27:43You see, he's had a very serious operation.
27:50I've got to be very...
27:52I've got to be very kind to him.
28:01How about here?
28:04Eh, this looks like a likely spot.
28:31What's that?
28:32Hmm?
28:33It's a cow.
28:35It's not, you know.
28:36It's not a giraffe, is it?
28:37No.
28:39It's a bull.
28:40Where are you going?
28:40He's looking at us.
28:44Listen, just dump the paint and we'll go home.
28:46Bores have got very bad eyesight.
28:47Everybody knows that.
28:48Well, then why is he coming after us?
28:49He's not.
28:54This will help.
28:55Oh.
29:01Oh, it still hurts.
29:02Not surprised.
29:04It's your own fault, Mr. Foster.
29:06Well, I told them to use someone else's bed, but they wouldn't listen.
29:09You could have called a nurse.
29:11That would have been grassy.
29:13You don't seem to realise you've got a serious condition, do you?
29:18So why don't they operate?
29:21That's the place.
29:24Good thinking.
29:25Good thinking.
29:48Oh.
29:55It's like one of them old war films, isn't it?
29:57A secret meeting with the Resistance.
30:00And then suddenly, the Gestapo jumps out of the bushes.
30:07Don't move.
30:08Bloody hell.
30:10I want a good look at you.
30:17What's that?
30:21Paint.
30:22What are you doing with it here?
30:24If we told you, you wouldn't believe it.
30:27I don't doubt it.
30:28Right, where have you put the birds?
30:31What birds?
30:32My birds.
30:34I've got pheasants breeding up here.
30:36I know what you lot have come for.
30:39Pheasants?
30:39Mm-hmm.
30:41Oh.
30:42Sorry, can I have a...
30:45Can I have a quiet word?
31:05In my wood?
31:07Oh, yeah.
31:10That's disgusting.
31:11No, it's not.
31:12That's worse than stealing pheasants.
31:14Go on, get out of it.
31:15Go on, get out of it.
31:16Not a whole lot of you.
31:17And don't come back.
31:23What did you say to him?
31:25Never you mind.
31:26I want to know.
31:27I'm not going to tell you.
31:27Oh, Robbie.
31:28No, and that's final.
31:38You've got to meet her in the end.
31:42Look, you can't hide inside that helmet forever, Alan.
31:46But I'm running out of lies to tell her.
31:50Look, Mum's not like that.
31:54Come round now.
31:55She'll be home soon.
31:57Just say hello.
31:58Oh, great.
32:01See ya.
32:10Debbie will be wondering where I am.
32:13Nice front.
32:14We've got company.
32:17Oh, no.
32:18Aye.
32:18Well, put your foot down.
32:20That was a six-linder rover with James Hunt behind the wheel.
32:23You'd better start thinking of a good story quick.
32:27We found the paint.
32:29Aye, we drove 30 miles from London in there.
32:31It was.
32:32Look, why do we just tell him the truth?
32:33We can't do that.
32:34That time he's straight in with Parsons.
32:36He's getting closer.
32:37Hang on, listen, Johnny.
32:38You've got an old schoolmate of yours called, um, called...
32:42Wally.
32:42No, we can't say to hang on.
32:44What's called Wally?
32:44All right, then, Wally, Wally.
32:45That's right.
32:45He's got a boozer up here called the, um...
32:48Drummond Monkey?
32:48That's in Kentley's town.
32:50What are you trying to help?
32:50All right, then, the Drummond Monkey.
32:51That's right.
32:52And we thought it'd be a nice evening to come out and have a drink with him.
32:54Aye, and bring him 30 litres of green remulsion.
33:07Afternoon, sir.
33:08Aye.
33:09This is your vehicle, sir.
33:11Aye.
33:13Got some bad news for you.
33:15Small get nice, sir.
33:28Would that be paint?
33:31Yes.
33:34I assume you've got a spare wheel.
33:38Aye.
33:42Oh, craty.
33:44Yeah, we had a job catching you.
33:46Anyway, I'll get that changed straight away, otherwise you'll be all over the road.
33:49Uh, yes, uh, thank you, Sergeant.
33:52Thank you, uh, very much.
33:54That's a lot of paint you got there.
33:56Hi.
33:57Hi.
34:09I don't think I could do with a drink.
34:12Oh, my God.
34:38Something broke.
34:49Oh, no.
34:50It's the main pin.
34:52Oh, yeah?
34:53It's sheared.
34:54Well, does anybody mind if I read Debbie?
34:56She'll think I've had an accident.
34:58It's a big job, is it?
35:00No, it's... no.
35:03Shall we go for a drink?
35:04I mean, I know you're the gaffer and it's your wagon and all that, but...
35:09Let's have a drink.
35:16Debbie?
35:17Mum, where are you?
35:19Oh, I don't know.
35:21I'm in a village in the middle of nowhere.
35:23Are you all right?
35:24Yeah, of course I'm all right.
35:26Why shouldn't I be?
35:27Well, look, I might have a bit of difficulty getting back tonight.
35:31What's going on?
35:32Well, Geordie's truck's fallen to bits.
35:34Eh?
35:35Look, I'm sorry, love.
35:36I'll see you tomorrow.
35:37You sure you'll be all right?
35:38Yeah.
35:40But look...
35:41Oh, it doesn't matter.
35:43Take care, eh?
35:45Yeah, okay.
35:46Well, see you soon, then.
35:51Truck's broke down.
35:52They won't be home tonight.
35:55What's up with it?
35:56Who cares?
35:58Well, it won't be the engine.
36:02So what are we going to do, then?
36:04It's the same with bikes.
36:05It's never the engine that goes first.
36:07You don't have to scoot off.
36:09No.
36:10No, it's either the electrics or the clutch.
36:14Alan...
36:15I had two new clutches in six months.
36:17Sixty quid each.
36:18That's a lot of cash.
36:20Yeah.
36:20The bloke said it was my fault.
36:22My fault.
36:23Stupid bird.
36:24The bike hire before never had a clutch go.
36:27Really?
36:31I'm telling you.
36:33I could have sold that truck half a dozen times by now.
36:35Why didn't you?
36:36Because, Ferret, Geordie is a mate.
36:39Yeah.
36:39Skint and all.
36:41Geordie?
36:42Skint?
36:43Skint.
36:44I'm not surprised, man.
36:47No, me neither.
36:48Any mate of Robbie Box.
36:50It's like an epidemic, but...
37:01Well, you can't fix it until the morning.
37:05Well, that's settled then, isn't it?
37:07What's settled?
37:08They do bed and breakfast here.
37:10Hey, that's money.
37:11What's the matter with you?
37:12Okay, I'm listing what?
37:13They might be full up.
37:15Well, it might be, yeah.
37:21No, no, I wouldn't sleep a wink just thinking about the bill.
37:25Okay, keep me in the wagon.
37:26Oh, thank you very much.
37:31No, it's no good.
37:35What, no rooms?
37:37Only one.
37:43There's, er, there's just enough room in the wagon for one.
37:46The wagon?
37:47Hmm.
37:48I mean, I'd be all right, but that's about all.
37:54Right, er, who's ready then?
37:57My turn.
37:58Is it?
37:58Oh, good.
38:00Thanks, Geordie.
38:05It's not two singles, you know.
38:09Aye, sir?
38:10The room.
38:13It's a double.
38:20Oh, you asked, did you?
38:25Thoughts if you could go and try somewhere else.
38:32Well?
38:33No, it's all happening up here, Princess.
38:34It's all right, it's all right, mate, yeah.
38:43Erm, look, I've been thinking.
38:45It'll work out a lot cheaper if I do keep in the wagon.
38:48You're not serious.
38:49And, er, my friend over there's going to get us a couple of blankets.
38:52So, cheers.
38:57You're a bloody hero.
38:59Cheers.
38:59Cheers.
39:00I'll drink to that.
39:01Cheers.
39:03Cheers.
39:25This local brew's a killer.
39:27I dropped Geordie twice carrying him across the car park and he never woke up.
39:34Oh.
39:36Oh.
39:39Oh.
39:41Oh.
39:41Oh.
39:42Oh.
39:43Oh.
39:44Here we are again.
39:46Oh.
39:47Well, no one's pushing you out.
39:49I mean, I could always go and sleep on the governor's sofa.
39:52And the eternal optimist, that's my trouble.
39:54Oh, I see.
39:55Yeah.
39:55As bad as that, is it?
39:58Well, we jump into bed and everything's great.
40:01And in the morning, nothing's changed.
40:06What do you expect to change?
40:10You.
40:12Oh, come on.
40:13Come on.
40:14I got you the free paint, didn't I?
40:16Yeah?
40:18I mean, I know I'm not an engineer or a builder or a bank manager, but I took you out
40:24for
40:24a day in the country.
40:25I showed you all that wildlife.
40:28As good as David Attenborough.
40:30And it cost me a hundred quid.
40:32Which wasn't really yours in the first place.
40:36You've always got good intentions, Rob.
40:38But there are always naff results.
40:42Yeah.
40:44Yeah, well, that's me, isn't it?
40:45I mean, they're not always bad times.
40:48There's good times as well.
40:49We always come through in the end, don't we?
40:51We come through to what?
40:53You dodging some small-time villain?
40:55Or losing tonight what you won last night?
41:05I admit life would be a lot duller if you weren't around.
41:08You're never boring.
41:10You're never round long enough to be boring.
41:13But the clock's ticking by, Rob.
41:15You're not the best poker player anymore.
41:18You may think you are, but nobody else does.
41:22You can't go round pulling idiot strokes out of this paint job.
41:27And I'm glad.
41:28I don't want you to.
41:31Where does that leave us?
41:37The second best poker player I ever sat down with was 62 years old.
41:47I never saw him lose.
41:50And who was the best?
41:54He was a bit younger.
41:57American, was he?
42:05No, I was, but...
42:07Not my problem.
42:10I suppose it's your problem.
42:14I don't fit into a neat little box.
42:18She's bad needs for both of us.
42:23If you want me to be neat and tidy and not spit over the edges,
42:27then you'd better start looking for somebody else,
42:28because it's not me.
42:29I tried being an upright sitting there.
42:31It didn't work.
42:34I only got one skill.
42:38Just one.
42:41If I've got to give that up,
42:46you're dead.
42:57I've got to get some air.
43:10You're dead.
43:11I can't.
43:12Let's try it again.
43:16Anyway,
43:17if that was here,
43:17denser
43:17to the other card needed a night.
43:37Mo.è¾£
43:39Jones Sports
45:45And another thing.
45:47Oh, I thought you were spark out.
45:49What?
45:50What did you say to that man in the wood?
45:53Oh, forget it.
45:56You're not getting in here till you tell me.
45:58And that's final.
46:00Oh.
46:01Oh.
46:01I mean it.
46:02Oh, no.
46:03It's nothing.
46:05I mean it.
46:07I'll scream.
46:08Oh, well...
46:11Oh, well...
46:18Nude photographs.
46:20But what else can I say?
46:22Of me?
46:23It couldn't be me and Geordie, could it?
46:26What about the paint?
46:27Well, I'm going to pile it up and put you on top.
46:33Why?
46:35Oh, I don't know.
46:38Because you're beautiful.
46:41Anyway...
46:42Where have you been?
46:45Church.
46:47Church?
46:48Forget it.
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