- 2 days ago
مسلسل A Series of Unfortunate Events مترجم - Episode 3
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00:11Look away, look away, look away, look away, look away.
00:18The show will wreck your evening, your whole life and your day.
00:22Every single episode is nothing but dismay, so look away.
00:26Look away, look away, look away.
00:31The Baudelaire's are living with a man who studies snakes.
00:34He's jolly and he's secretive and makes a few mistakes.
00:38Spoiler alert, a villain comes to steal and murder.
00:41And so if I were you, I wouldn't even watch one minute further.
00:45Just look away, look away.
00:50There's nothing but horror and inconvenience on the way.
00:53Ask any stable person, should I watch, and they will say, look away.
00:58Look away, look away.
01:01Look away, look away.
01:05Look away, look away.
01:32The cry you're hearing is that of the broken-hearted crocodile.
01:35It is a rare species of reptile found in swampy regions that are particularly sad.
01:43My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my sworn duty to carefully research the dire plight
01:48of the Baudelaire orphans, but there is no reason for you to make yourself as miserable
01:52and melancholy as I am.
01:54If I were you, I would look away before viewing any of the horrible and horrifying events that
01:59comprise this ghastly new episode in the Baudelaire's unfortunate lives.
02:05It's a brand new episode in your lives, Baudelaire's.
02:08In a few minutes, you'll be meeting your new guardian, Dr. Montgomery.
02:11He's your closest living relative and apparently should have been your guardian all along according
02:15to your deceased parents' will.
02:17I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to listen to that oddly dressed consultant who
02:20walked into my office with no references and no identification and who suggested that I
02:24place you in Count Olaf's care.
02:26My siblings and I wholeheartedly agree.
02:31My recently rehired secretary Jacqueline is nervous that Count Olaf is still at large,
02:35but I don't think Count Olaf will be able to find you way out here.
02:38Oh, look, there's an easy to read sign for Lousy Lane.
02:41The Baudelaire orphans more than wholeheartedly agreed.
02:44And living with Count Olaf had been more than a mistake.
02:47It had been a disaster.
02:48It had been a catastrophe.
02:50And the worst of it was that the villainous Count Olaf was still at large.
02:53The phrase which here means that the authorities had not caught him and would not catch him
02:58for a very long time.
03:00By the way, the police tell me they feel very confident that Count Olaf would be caught
03:04in no time at all.
03:05Ah, here's the turn.
03:06Lousy Lane is perhaps the most unpleasant lane in the world.
03:09It runs past an orchard of trees which once produced apples so sour one only had to look
03:15at them to feel ill.
03:16And it encircles a horseradish factory so the entire area smells bitter and strong.
03:27What is that smell?
03:30Ginger, I believe.
03:33We're here.
03:40How exactly is Dr. Montgomery related to us?
03:44Dr. Montgomery is, let me see, your late father's cousin's wife's brother.
03:50That probably explains why you never met him.
03:53Yeah.
04:03Come along, Violet.
04:06What do we call him?
04:07I mean, he's not exactly our uncle.
04:09Well, you can call him Dr. Montgomery.
04:10Unless, of course, he asks you to call him by his first name, in which case you'll call
04:13him Montgomery.
04:14His name is Montgomery Montgomery?
04:16Yes.
04:17Yes.
04:18And I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so please don't ridicule him.
04:21Ridicule means tease.
04:22You know what ridicule means?
04:25I can still smell that ginger.
04:27I hope Dr. Montgomery is a decent person.
04:32Hello, hello, hello.
04:35You must be the Baudelaire's.
04:37Yes.
04:38Well, this is perfect timing because I have just finished frosting this delicious coconut
04:43cream cake.
04:43Take a fork, take a fork, take a fork.
04:46Nice to meet you, Dr. Montgomery.
04:48Please, call me Monty.
04:50I don't like fancy titles unless they get me a discount at the movies.
04:53Do you like going to the movies?
04:55Very much, but our parents didn't take us very often.
04:58Well, we are going to go a lot to some very important and very special films.
05:04What is your favorite movie?
05:05Um, Dawn Patrol, the 1938 version.
05:08It was your father's favorite, too.
05:10Well, let's not stand out here.
05:12Come in.
05:13Let's go.
05:14Come on.
05:14Yes, you're going.
05:15Now, you must be Violet, the inventor, and you are Klaus, the reader.
05:22Your mother was so proud of your voracious intellectual appetite.
05:27And you must be Sonny.
05:30Would you like a piece of cake?
05:31My sister prefers very hard food.
05:34Ah, well, that is unusual for a baby, but not so unusual for many snakes.
05:40Perhaps Sonny would prefer a raw carrot.
05:43Hmm?
05:45Hmm?
05:48Well, that leaves one extra slice of cake.
05:51Hmm.
05:54I know.
05:55I'll eat it myself.
05:57I'm just kidding.
05:58Just kidding, Mr. Poe, Volturi Money Management.
06:00You are welcome to a slice of cake.
06:02You know, I should be getting back to the bank soon.
06:05Besides, coconut leaves a funny feeling in my mouth.
06:08If you need anything, Baudelaires, remember, you can always reach me.
06:11They won't need anything from you, Mr. Poe.
06:13They're finally in my care.
06:15And I will dedicate myself to their safety, comfort, and happiness as enthusiastically as I have dedicated myself to this
06:21coconut green cake.
06:22Our parents' fortune can't be used until Violet comes of age.
06:24Klaus, don't be rude.
06:26Though legally, he's correct about the fortune.
06:28I don't give a fig about the Baudelaire fortune, Mr. Poe.
06:31What with my salary from the Hepatological Society.
06:33But as a scientist, I do admire your skepticism, Klaus.
06:38It's understandable after what you children have been through.
06:41Ah, that unpleasantness with Count Olaf.
06:44No need to scare the man.
06:48I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Poe.
06:50My screeching iguana clock does tend to startle some people.
06:52But then, so of course, does the screeching iguana.
06:55I think I'll see myself out.
06:56Capital idea.
06:58Bye, Mr. Poe.
06:59Bye.
07:01Goodbye, children.
07:01Remember, you can reach me at Mulctuary Money Management if you need me for anything.
07:04Just don't forget to call me.
07:08I'm terribly sorry if I was rude to him, children.
07:11But, frankly, that man ruffles my scales.
07:15Unpleasantness with Count Olaf, he says, when Mr. Poe is the very reason you were put with Count Olaf in
07:21the first place.
07:22Well, not to worry.
07:24You're finally safe now, children.
07:27Just as your parents wanted.
07:28Actually, Dr. Montgomery.
07:30Monty.
07:31Monty.
07:32Uncle Monty, I hope.
07:33Once you get used to me.
07:35Monty, our parents never mentioned you.
07:39Really?
07:39Really.
07:41Dr. Montgomery Montgomery?
07:44Renowned scientist?
07:47A.
07:49Herpetologist?
07:52That is astonishing.
07:56Follow me.
07:57Now, your parents and I practically grew up together.
08:00I can't believe your parents never told you about me.
08:03I love them dearly.
08:04Look, here's a picture of us.
08:07There's no one in that picture.
08:09We're locked inside the piano.
08:10Ah, we were so young.
08:13Well, it seems that some proper introductions need to be made.
08:16Do you know what herpetology means?
08:19Well, ology always means the study of.
08:22Snakes.
08:22Snakes, snakes, snakes.
08:24That's what I study.
08:25I circle the globe in search of a creature who can encircle a globe.
08:29Oh, don't worry about your dishes.
08:31Just leave them anywhere.
08:32Gustave will wash them up.
08:34Ah!
08:35Gustave?
08:37Oh, drat.
08:38What?
08:39I forgot all about Gustave.
08:42He was my assistant for many years and he left me a quite unexpected letter of resignation
08:47just yesterday morning.
08:49Quite surprising, really.
08:51Well, no matter what, who needs an assistant when I have three charming Baudelaire Bambinis
08:57to help me with my research?
08:59Bambini?
09:00Bambini?
09:01It's Italian for children.
09:03Why I'm so giddy having you here that I might as well be talking gibberish.
09:07Now, Baudelaire's, I'm about to show you one of the most important scientific collections
09:12in the history of the world.
09:14Spies and rivals in the world of herpetology would eat nine garter snakes to get a glimpse
09:19of the wonders inside this room.
09:21This door has been installed with top-of-the-line security system.
09:27You can't get inside unless you have 19 keys, three combinations, two fingerprints, and
09:32one optical scan.
09:34Or, as I share with my most trusted associates, I'm turning this doorknob right here.
09:47This is the reptile room.
09:50Feel free to explore.
09:52Here is the lizard wing.
09:55And here is a winged lizard.
09:59Now, see his yellow striped belly, a sign of camouflage and cowardice.
10:05Can it really fly?
10:06He can fly on cue.
10:08Fly!
10:21And here, we have the dissonant tortoises, soothed only by the music of Alexander Scriabin,
10:29or early sonic youth.
10:31This, my dears, is my most recent discovery.
10:35The crown jewel of the Montgomery Reptile Collection.
10:38I discovered him on a recent journey, and I brought him under cover of night and a very large hat.
10:45Because next month, I am going to present him to the Herpetological Society as my new discovery.
10:57I discovered him, and so I got to name him.
11:02What is it called?
11:04The Incredibly Deadly Viper.
11:12One thing that I have found is that when the story of the Baudelaire's becomes too upsetting for me,
11:17when it becomes absolutely overwhelming, it is useful to stop for a moment of contemplation with a cup of tea
11:23or some other powerful beverage.
11:25However, I can sip my tea knowing that Sonny Baudelaire absolutely survives this particular incident.
11:31It is Dr. Montgomery, however, who ends up dead.
11:34Although, not yet.
11:35Anyways, apologies for the interruption.
11:39Cheers.
11:42Do something!
11:43Sonny!
11:44Get the snake!
11:45Get the snake!
11:46What are you doing?
11:47You had a deadly snake bite your sister!
11:49I told you we couldn't trust him!
11:50I told you we couldn't trust him!
11:54I'm terribly sorry, children!
11:57I'm so sorry!
11:58Oh!
11:59But the Incredibly Deadly Viper is one of the friendliest and least dangerous animals in the entire animal kingdom!
12:07Sonny will come to no harm, and neither will you!
12:10But it's called the Incredibly Deadly Viper.
12:13Yes.
12:14It's a misnomer.
12:15Do you know what that means?
12:16A very wrong name?
12:18Well, a very fitting definition.
12:21Why would you give your own discovery the wrong name?
12:24Because...
12:25I intend to play a little joke on those stuffed shirts of the Herpetological Society.
12:31Payback.
12:31For years of ridicule.
12:34Hello, hello, Montgomery Montgomery.
12:36How do you do, how do you do, Montgomery Montgomery?
12:39Well...
12:39At our next meeting, I'm going to introduce the Incredibly Deadly Viper, and then pretend it's escaped.
12:46And you know who'll be laughing then?
12:49Me.
12:50Are there any snakes in this room that are dangerous?
12:53Well, of course.
12:55You can't study snakes and not find some that are dangerous.
12:58I have an entire cabinet full of venom samples from some of the most venomous snakes known to man.
13:04And woman.
13:07Which leads me to the heart of the operation.
13:16Now, Bambini, this is the most important part of the reptile room.
13:23My scientific library.
13:25The deepest secrets of the snake world can be found in these pages.
13:30And I hope that you'll find them.
13:32So we're allowed to read all these books?
13:34You are not only allowed, you are implored to read these books.
13:39You know, I always wanted to have a family of my own.
13:46But time flies like a winged lizard.
13:52Now, I know that a few dangerous reptiles can make you skeptical of the entire species.
14:02But if you give them a chance, and you get to know them well enough to tell the dangerous from
14:12the good,
14:15I promise you, no harm will come to you in the reptile room.
14:22There's a type of situation which occurs all too often in the story of the Baudelaire Orphans called dramatic irony.
14:28Simply put, a dramatic irony is when a person makes a remark and someone who hears it knows something,
14:33which makes the remark have a different, usually unpleasant meaning.
14:37For example, if I were to say, I can't wait to eat this almond cookie,
14:40but there were people around that knew the almond cookie was poisoned,
14:43that would be dramatic irony.
14:45For that reason, when we hear Uncle Monty tell the children,
14:48I promise you, no harm will come to you in the reptile room.
14:52We should be on guard for the unpleasant arrival of dramatic irony.
15:06Don't be sad. Uncle Monty will be down soon.
15:09He can't understand you.
15:11Dr. Montgomery said the broken-hearted crocodile's maiden call just happens to sound like a breast human speech.
15:16I know. I just like talking to it.
15:19I wish he'd go back outside. He's annoying.
15:21You lost me.
15:23Woe is you!
15:24We're the ones whose parents perished in a fire and now we're being passed around like hot potatoes.
15:28Ugh, Klaus, it can't understand you.
15:30I know that!
15:32I'm sorry.
15:35Klaus, I know how you feel.
15:37We're always gonna miss our parents.
15:40But Monty's been a good guardian so far and it seems like our parents really wanted us here.
15:44But that's just it.
15:46Our parents never mentioned Dr. Montgomery.
15:49Why did we never visit him?
15:50I thought we knew all our parents' friends.
15:52I thought we knew everything about them.
15:55I'm sure they had a good reason for not telling us about Monty.
15:58Maybe it was the same reason they sent us to Briny Beach that day.
16:01Or maybe there was a more sinister reason.
16:05Bambini! Baudelaire Bambini!
16:07There you are.
16:08How was your day?
16:09I polished the tortoise and Sunny fed it some bananas and Klaus clipped the iguana's nails.
16:14Ah, thank you.
16:16I'm so grateful.
16:17Perhaps when I'm out you can lure the androgynous cobra out of my sock drawer.
16:21Where are you going?
16:22Well, I'm gonna go into town and pick up a few things that I like to keep in stock.
16:25Wasp propellant, canned peaches, a fireproof canoe, and then tonight we'll go and see our first movie.
16:32Won't that be exciting?
16:33What movie are we seeing?
16:34Well, we won't know until we get there.
16:35I've never heard of a movie theater that doesn't tell you what movie is playing.
16:39Ha ha!
16:40Klaus Baudelaire, I have a feeling there are many things that you're going to see that you've never heard of
16:46before.
16:47Life is a conundrum of esoterica.
16:50Come along, Raymond Dittmarz.
16:54There we go.
16:55Come along.
16:57Yes.
16:59Now, there we go.
17:02That's offer now.
17:04Come along.
17:05Come along.
17:06Yes.
17:07Yes.
17:08That's right.
17:08What did he mean, conundrum of esoterica?
17:11Well, a conundrum is a mystery.
17:13And esoterica are obscure objects or documents.
17:17Look at this.
17:19This is the original blueprints for Dr. Montgomery's landscaping.
17:22Those hedges outside make up a labyrinth.
17:24And if you look at the labyrinth from the top, it's...
17:27It looks like the tattoo Count Olaf has on his ankle.
17:31It's a mark of villainy.
17:34Monty cannot be in cahoots with Count Olaf.
17:37He seems too nice.
17:39Things aren't always as they seem.
17:42Something strange is going on here.
17:45Mother and father told us all sorts of stories that happened before we were born.
17:49So why does the name Montgomery Montgomery ring a bell?
18:06Good morning.
18:08I am Stefano, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's new assistant.
18:13It's afternoon.
18:14Enter Count Olaf.
18:16Perhaps one of you can take my suitcases up to my room.
18:18The ride along that smelly road was dull and unpleasant.
18:23And Stefano is very tired.
18:25You're Count Olaf.
18:26And if anyone ever deserved to travel along Lousy Lane, it's you.
18:30We will not help you with your luggage if we will not let you in this house.
18:41Well, I see you children haven't changed a bit.
18:44Violet, you are obviously as stubborn as ever.
18:47Klaus, you're still wearing those idiotic glasses from reading too many books.
18:52And I can see little Sunny here still has nine toes instead of ten.
18:58What are you talking about?
18:59My sister has ten toes like the vast majority of people.
19:03Really?
19:03That's odd.
19:04I could have sworn that she lost one of her toes in an accident.
19:07I seem to recall a man named Stefano being so confused by being called Count Olaf that he accidentally dropped
19:14his knife on one of her little feet and severed one of her toes.
19:19You wouldn't dare.
19:20Let's not discuss what I would or would not dare do.
19:25Instead, let's discuss your poor unfortunate parents.
19:32Your father and mother were very brave in their days.
19:36But their days are done, Baudelaire's.
19:42That is not a photo of our parents.
19:44Yes, it is.
19:45They're inside the piano.
19:46How do you know that?
19:47I took the picture.
19:49And now, all that's left of them is their enormous fortune.
19:54And that enormous fortune is mine.
19:57Never.
19:58Never is a very long time.
20:00And your ridiculous uncle will be back in a few seconds.
20:17You're so brave.
20:25Blasting furnaces of hell!
20:33Baudelaire's!
20:35I've brought you a present.
20:37It's very sharp.
20:38How did he find us?
20:39That's the wrong question.
20:40What do we do?
20:42We could smash a window and make our way into town and catch a train far away from here.
20:47And where would we go? Anywhere, Peter.
20:49If Count Olaf found us here, he could find us wherever we went.
20:52Open this door!
20:54We can't just stay here and wait for the person to slaughter us.
20:58He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt us until he gets his hands on our fortune.
21:02He must have some scheme. I just don't know what it could be.
21:05We should never let him in the house. We can't think about that now.
21:08Open the door!
21:09For years afterwards, the Baudelaire's wondered what they might have done differently the day Count Olaf appeared at their door.
21:14Or maybe they thought, just maybe, they could have saved Monty's life.
21:19Monty's back.
21:19Hello!
21:20He'll see right through Stefano's disguise.
21:22Allow me to enter all those...
21:23Okay.
21:24My name is Ecephus. I have been sent to you from a very far away.
21:27Well, that is an unusual and long-winded explanation.
21:32Let me understand this.
21:33You are my new assistant.
21:35Sent to me, even though I didn't ask for one, by the Scientific Society Seeking to Soothe Stress and Suffering.
21:41Yes.
21:43For short.
21:44Ssss.
21:47Ssss.
21:47Hmm. No. It's...
21:50Ssss.
21:53Ssss.
21:55Ssss.
21:55No. Listen to...
21:57Ssss.
22:00Ssss.
22:01Ssss.
22:01Ah, yes.
22:02Ssss.
22:04Ssss.
22:05Ssss.
22:06Ssss.
22:06Ssss.
22:07Ah.
22:08And your name is Stefano.
22:11What?
22:11Yes. Yes, definitely.
22:13Ssss.
22:14Ah. And these are your papers.
22:16Yes.
22:19Ssss.
22:42Ssss.
22:43Um...
22:44Uh...
22:45It...
22:57It...
23:28Uh-uh.
23:30Is that you, Dr. Montgomery?
23:32Yes.
23:33Let me just unlock all of these important security measures and I'll join you in the reptile room.
23:40Ssss.
23:42Ssss.
23:52Ssss.
23:55Ssss.
23:55Ssss.
23:55Ssss.
23:57Ssss.
23:58Ssss.
23:59Ssss.
23:59Ssss.
24:02Ssss.
24:04Ssss.
24:07I am so sorry, Bordelais, that you were frightened by that man who arrived earlier.
24:14It makes sense that you were alarmed, being that he chased you up and down the stairs with a knife.
24:21But there's nothing to fear. He is my new assistant, Stefano.
24:26I have seen his papers, and everything is in order.
24:32So, you see, there's nothing to be worried about.
24:37Oh, yes. I see now.
24:40How silly we were to be afraid.
24:44Precisely, Bordelais. Stefano has explained to me that he has a very strict fitness regimen
24:52where he has to run up and down the stairs brandishing a knife at least three times a day.
24:58Okay, so that makes perfect sense.
25:01I might join him on that exercise regimen.
25:08So, now that that is cleared up, would you mind helping me bring things in from my truck?
25:18Now, I got all my shopping done, and I even brought takeout for dinner.
25:23There should even be enough for Stefano.
25:25Now, we don't have much time before the movies, so help me take down this canoe.
25:34Here we go.
25:36Oh, I am so sorry, Bordelais. I had no idea that our enemies would catch up to us so quickly.
25:42It's clear now that I can't turn my back for a second.
25:45So, you recognized him?
25:46Of course I recognized him. I'm not some half-witted banker or some member of a high court
25:51who's so starstruck that I can't see what's right in front of me.
25:54He can wear as many lab coats as he wants and present me with as many ridiculous papers as he
25:59wants.
25:59He's no more a lab assistant than I'm a three-mouthed Brazilian wax turtle.
26:04So, what are we going to do? Call the authorities?
26:07What does AJ spell?
26:08What?
26:09You think when I was climbing Mount Felix, searching for the goat-eating cobra, that I called the authorities?
26:13No.
26:14If we call the police or Mr. Poe or the official fire department,
26:18that so-called lab assistant will have us in his clutches before they can darken my doorstep.
26:23And we all know Stefano does not work alone.
26:36We must keep an eye on Stefano.
26:38He will join us for dinner, and then we'll invite him to the movies tonight.
26:42A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk.
26:46That's all we're going to do? Keep an eye on him?
26:48For now, Baudelaire's, we'll be watchful and wary.
26:52Which is a word that around here means very careful.
26:55We know what wary means.
26:57Good, because we can't afford to turn our backs, even for a second.
27:03Sir.
27:04Oh, sorry!
27:07Marty!
27:08No, sorry.
27:08I seem to have been very careless with the heavy glass reading lamp that was in my bedroom
27:13that fell out right when you were walking under it.
27:16Uh, totally understandable.
27:19It happens all the time.
27:22Sorry about that.
27:23No.
27:25No harm done.
27:28I know the layout of that room, as well as I know the bone structure of the osteoporosis lizard.
27:33And there is no way that that lamp was near that window.
27:36Of course not.
27:37He wasn't being careless.
27:39He was being murderous.
27:40Dr. Montgomery, I really think we ought to contact the authorities.
27:46Trust me, Baudelaire.
27:47I may be a world-renowned herpetologist, but I also minored in criminology.
27:53I know what I'm doing.
27:59Now, let's see quickly, everyone.
28:00We don't want to be late for the movies.
28:02I don't think I'll be joining tonight.
28:04I thought I'd stay in and read up on poisonous venoms.
28:07Ah, ah.
28:10Where's Stefano?
28:11You must join us.
28:12We have to celebrate your arrival.
28:13In all honesty, I prefer long-form television to the movies.
28:17It's so much more convenient to consume entertainment from the comfort of your own home.
28:24Hmm.
28:25Well, I insist you come.
28:27I insist upon staying here.
28:30Well, I insisted first.
28:32Well, I insisted louder.
28:35Well...
28:36With all due respect, I feel a little uncomfortable leaving my reptiles alone with a relative stranger.
28:45Fine.
28:46But I would like to make a brief phone call before we leave.
28:51Of course.
28:52The phone is in the parlor.
28:56Could you please pass the potstickers?
28:58Yes.
29:16Yes.
29:23A movie theater where they show movies.
29:29Yes, of course it's more convenient to watch from the comfort of your own home, but I didn't ask for
29:33your opinion.
29:40Shotgun.
29:42Shotgun.
29:49Hurry up.
29:50Where can you go, Klaus?
29:51Tick-tock.
29:53Don't want to miss the previews.
29:56And all of the excessive commercials.
29:59Just keep...
30:00Get in?
30:00All right.
30:02We don't know what you're up to, but we will find out.
30:05If anything happens to my sisters or me, you'll never get your hands on the Baudelaire Fortress.
30:08If I wanted to harm you, orphan, your blood would be streaming out of this car like a waterfall.
30:15No, I am not going to harm a hair on any Baudelaire head.
30:19At least, not on purpose.
30:21Adverse.
30:22But accidents happen all the time, don't they?
30:29And that is when I said to him, the frog is the greatest reptile known to man.
30:37The frogs are amphibians.
30:38What?
30:39Stavala, where did you study herpetology?
30:41I don't know anything about mouth sores.
30:44Oh, I love this dog.
30:53I just thought it might be nice to get out and see a movie.
30:57I need more exciting things in my life.
31:00And I think it's because my life is boring.
31:04Yeah.
31:05But enjoy the show, ma'am.
31:08Dr. Montgomery.
31:09Hello, old chap.
31:11Two adults, three minors.
31:12I'm giving you the verified film discount.
31:17Ah, lovely.
31:20I decided to treat myself to some popcorn because there is nothing exciting happening in my life at all.
31:28Hey, some popcorn actually sounded delicious.
31:31I get popcorn for me, for all of us, my treat.
31:34Really?
31:34Yes, you go.
31:35Go take a seat.
31:36Come on, children.
31:37Go, go, go, go, go.
31:427th row, right of center.
31:44That is the best place.
31:46That's what our mother always said.
31:47Who do you think taught it to me?
31:50You know, kids, I am so happy to be seeing a movie with you.
31:55Your parents would be so very proud.
31:57I know they would.
31:58For seeing a movie?
31:59There's more to a movie than just a movie.
32:02Just like a book can contain crucial secrets about the world of snakes, or it can be used to prop
32:09open a refrigerator door when you're airing it out.
32:12Well, what my sister means is we're not sure we're really following you.
32:16Ah, there's so much to learn.
32:19Unfortunately, some of that learning is going to have to be delayed tonight because of Greenoo.
32:23Blue, promise me this.
32:25If I leave during the showing, you will not act as if anything is amiss, but you'll keep your eyes
32:33on that fraud, Stefano.
32:36I got the popcorn.
32:38Ah!
32:39This one is for me, and this one is for the rest of you.
32:44Well, your generosity is noted, Stefano.
32:49My name is not anything, but Stefano.
32:54Shh.
32:58A.
33:10Ah, Gustav.
33:17Fuck now.
33:26Subtitles, this movie is boring already.
33:31Come, Gerda.
33:34Today we honor the founding of our sleepy alpine village with the traditional building of a snowman in the village
33:39square.
33:41Traditions are important, Rolf.
33:44If the movie's in English, why are there English subtitles?
33:47All the best movies have subtitles.
33:51But that still doesn't explain.
33:53Shh.
33:54I'm watching the movie!
33:57The radio barrier.
33:58No!
33:59Where's your conscience?
34:01Close.
34:01Where's your sense of tradition?
34:02Haven't we seen that actress before?
34:05I don't think we've seen anything like this before.
34:07Sing about it!
34:09There is.
34:10There is.
34:12There reach your feet.
34:15There reach your feet.
34:16A munch on your head.
34:18A munch on your head.
34:19You're a tasty treat.
34:21A tasty treat.
34:23For the walking dead.
34:30The sturdy oak barrier.
34:32They've broken through it.
34:33Yeah.
34:35Gerda.
34:36Don't let them take the children.
34:54Onward to the safe house.
34:56Don't shed tears, sweet girl.
35:00I promise this isn't goodbye.
35:03No one's preparing to die, Rolf.
35:06Put on this warm scarf.
35:14Chill!
35:15Oh, I need to get more popcorn.
35:21And your poor mother's tutu.
35:24What are you doing?
35:26Should I go this way?
35:27No, no, no.
35:27Just go that way.
35:29Is it better to go this way?
35:30No, no.
35:30Just don't go that way.
35:31I can't go this way.
35:32Go that way.
35:32Go this way.
35:33I'm all right.
35:34I'm better here.
35:35Go that way.
35:35That way.
35:36Yes.
35:36I feel like your elbow held me.
35:38And your hand, your finger.
35:39Sit down.
35:40You're blocking the screen.
35:42I'm sorry.
35:43I can't see.
35:44I hope you didn't miss anything.
35:46Always be in my heart.
35:49And in this snowbank.
35:53Per favore.
35:55Butter.
35:56Salt.
35:58I thank you for coming on such short notice.
36:00But I'm not in the habit of coddling my hench people.
36:03Due to one overprotective herpetologist's hysteria over the safety of his appalling collection of creatures,
36:10Operation Capture Monty has been relocated from Monty's home to this godforsaken Nickelodeon.
36:17And just in time, I think you-know-who is trying to send a you-know-what.
36:25Hello?
36:27Am I...
36:29A message.
36:30They're trying to send a...
36:32Oh, forget it.
36:33Operation Capture Monty is a go.
36:35Is there anything else I should know?
36:37You look handsome in that beard.
36:38Hmm.
36:39I already knew that.
36:44I am zombie.
36:51What did I miss?
36:52Oh boy, they're still singing.
36:57I am going to need to excuse myself.
37:02Nature calls.
37:03Stefano, will you be so kind as to keep an eye on the children?
37:17Wait.
37:18Dr. Montgomery said to keep an eye on us.
37:20Were it too young to be left in a theater alone?
37:21Down in front.
37:26Get out of the way!
37:36Pictures today, so violent.
37:38Mm-hmm.
37:40Mother always said we'd catch a man at the movies.
37:43Uh-huh.
37:44Surely nothing can spoil this happy and festive occasion.
37:48There are hundreds of zombies coming down from those snowbanks.
37:53The munch on your head.
37:54What was going on?
37:56Oh!
37:57Ah!
38:00And your poor mother's tutu.
38:03We've already seen this part.
38:07And in this snowbank.
38:12For this is where I shall bury you.
38:15This would be much easier with a shovel.
38:19How can we overcome our differences in a world of life?
38:21Quick squirting, old friend.
38:24Things must be worse than we thought.
38:26I need four tickets on the SS Prospero to Peru.
38:30Meet me at the ticket booth.
38:32I sell all kinds of tickets.
38:36Oh!
38:37Oh!
38:42Now wish me luck, old friend.
38:43Good luck, Dr. Montgomery.
38:46And a one.
38:47And a two.
38:48And a chick-a-boom-a-chick.
38:51Oh!
38:53Oh!
38:53The Baudelaire's did not want to turn their backs on Count Olaf,
38:57so they did not see what happened in the back of that dark theater.
39:00Oh!
39:05But of course, there was much more going on
39:07that the Baudelaire orphans were not aware of.
39:11Well, that was an aeroscape
39:12full of incredible twists and astonishing acrobatics.
39:15Can you walk?
39:16Better than I can waltz.
39:18We're lucky we'll be with the children by bedtime.
39:21Any idea where this tunnel lets out?
39:23I'd say judging by the barometric pressure and watery winds
39:26somewhere south of Winnipeg.
39:39Peru.
39:41Like I said, south of Winnipeg.
40:00Terrible ending.
40:01The villagers should have been eaten
40:03like in Citizen Kane.
40:08Monty never came back.
40:14Monty!
40:14Monty!
40:15What's this?
40:16Your guardian has disappeared?
40:17Dear me.
40:19Dear me.
40:21Oh, this is just terrible.
40:23Three helpless children all alone in the world.
40:26Whatever shall we do next?
40:28Drive home, of course.
40:30Monty, you're here.
40:32Hello, children.
40:33It's been a long night,
40:35and we have a very busy day tomorrow.
40:37Did you enjoy the movie?
40:38It was unusual.
40:40Well, it will require some further explanation.
40:43Wait in the car, Baudelaire's.
40:44I have some unfinished business with Stefano.
40:50Will you be okay?
40:51Of course.
40:52I am your guardian.
40:53It is my job.
40:54And my delight, might I add,
40:58to keep you safe.
41:00Run along.
41:07Arriba...
41:08Chet...
41:11Do you think you can just waltz into my life
41:14and the life of my children
41:16and perpetuate this treachery?
41:18You're a wretched person.
41:20And a bad actor.
41:24Stefano.
41:25Or whatever your real name is.
41:27You don't know my real name?
41:29I don't need to know your real name.
41:32Because you are a spy
41:35from the Herpetological Society.
41:38What?
41:39Can you hear what they're saying?
41:41I hope he's telling Cattleloff
41:42that his plot is foiled and he's done for.
41:44You're done for, Stefano.
41:47Well, what can I say?
41:50Montgomery, Montgomery.
41:51Montgomery, you have found out my secret identity.
41:54There's no doubt about it.
41:56I've been outsmarted.
41:58Yes, you have.
42:01Now be gone.
42:02You and your pale-faced twins.
42:06I said, be gone!
42:12Hang your head in shame.
42:15Hope it's a loser.
42:24He's tougher than he looks.
42:26Even tougher than two old ladies.
42:28Really?
42:32Well, but Liz,
42:33that terrible man
42:34will never bother us again.
42:36You mean...
42:37That's right.
42:38I confronted him
42:39and threw him out of our lives forever.
42:41The authorities are on their way.
42:44And we're just
42:44leaving him there
42:45in the parking lot.
42:47Under the watchful eye
42:48of a very capable ticket seller.
42:51Besides,
42:52if he does slip away...
42:53Again?
42:54Well, it's none of our concern.
42:56We will be far, far away from here.
42:58But Liz,
43:00we are not going to spend the season
43:02in a research laboratory.
43:04We
43:05are off to Peru.
43:07Peru?
43:08It's a wonderful country
43:09full of natural
43:10and slithering beauty.
43:11And what's more important,
43:13answers.
43:14You must have
43:15odys of questions
43:16after that movie.
43:17If my parents
43:18hadn't taught me all about this
43:19when I was your age,
43:20my head would be dizzy
43:21with confusion.
43:22Well,
43:23once we disembark
43:24in Chimbote,
43:25you will have
43:25all the answers you need.
43:27What do you say, Baudelaire's?
43:29Are you in?
43:31Where am I?
43:32Well,
43:32it's a good thing
43:33I stocked up on peaches
43:34and canoes
43:35because you never know
43:36when you might need
43:36to leave the country
43:37at a moment's notice.
43:40Life
43:41is
43:41a conundrum of esoterica.
43:43Well said,
43:44Klaus Baudelaire.
43:45Well said.
43:47Then,
43:48we travel inward
43:49to Olante Tambo
43:50in search of some geckos
43:52who have an extra leg.
43:53First one to find one
43:54gets to name it.
43:55Sounds wonderful.
43:56Doesn't it?
43:58Listen, children.
43:59I know that the loss
44:01of your parents
44:01was a great tragedy.
44:03But you can still have
44:04the life they wanted
44:06for you.
44:07But now,
44:09it is time for bed.
44:11Yes!
44:12We have a skidillion
44:14things to do tomorrow
44:15and a boat to catch.
44:17Ah, Sunny,
44:17it seems that you've
44:18finished all of your marshmallows.
44:21What my sister means.
44:23I know what your sister means,
44:24Violet.
44:25It seems we've finally found
44:26a soft food
44:27that you like after all.
44:36More on that tomorrow.
44:38Good night, Bambini.
44:41Good night.
44:44Good night, Uncle Monty.
44:50Sweet dreams.
44:52And tomorrow,
44:54Peru.
44:57Oh.
44:59Oh.
45:00Oh.
45:01Oh.
45:02Oh.
45:05Oh.
45:21I'm sorry to say this was the last time the screeching Iguana clock would strike before
45:26the arrival of traumatic irony, but as Dr. Montgomery had promised, no harm would come
45:30to the Baudelaire orphans in the reptile room.
45:38But I regret to say that great heart would come to Uncle Monty.
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