- 2 days ago
مسلسل Brooklyn Nine-Nine مترجم - Episode 2
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00:03Ah, Captain, you're at my desk.
00:06Just what do I want to see first thing in the morning?
00:08You're three minutes late, Peralta.
00:09Not my fault. I had a plumbing problem.
00:16Which reminds me, I'm gonna need a new departmentally-issued phone.
00:20Oh, come on, really? I'm a few minutes late, so you're gonna call me out in front of everyone?
00:24Good idea. Everyone, gather round so I can call out Peralta in front of you.
00:29Okay, fine. I was three minutes late. I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong.
00:34Oh, it's more than one thing.
00:35Uh-oh.
00:36Let's start with the Kristoff murder.
00:37It was an amazing solve. I got him to confess in 20 minutes.
00:40You also mislabeled the evidence, so that confession is worthless if the sergeant hadn't caught your mistake.
00:45Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork. Here are two pictures.
00:49One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?
00:58That one's the dump.
00:59They're both your locker.
01:01God, I should've guessed that. He's good.
01:02This folder is labeled undies, comma, dirty.
01:05So I won't confuse it with undies, comma, clean.
01:08Also, who cares about all these rules? I have more felony arrests than any other detective here.
01:12You also have more mice living in your desk than any other detective.
01:17Algernon!
01:18You guys, Algernon's back!
01:21Get rid of the mouse and get your act together now.
01:26He's grumpy.
01:50Okay, detectives, let's get started. Santiago, where are we with the J Street drug bus?
01:55There are 12 keys of coke unaccounted for, but we just got a warrant to search the dealer's apartment.
01:59Good. Take Boyle and Diaz.
02:02Dream Team.
02:04Peralta, brief us on the vandalism case.
02:06Well, there's no easy way to put this, Sarge, but someone has been painting wieners on squad cars.
02:11And apparently, they won't stop until there's a penis drawn on every cop car in Brooklyn.
02:16Oh, that's what he's been drawing. But what are those two little round things at the bottom?
02:20It's the butt.
02:22The butt?
02:23I assume you have a plan to catch this gentleman.
02:26Did you just say genitalman? Because if so, kudos. And yes, I have a plan.
02:31I'm gonna plant a decoy squad car as bait. Meanwhile, I'll be waiting in an undercover vehicle here.
02:37He's already tagged three UC vehicles. You can clearly spot them. You should take my minivan.
02:43A minivan? Ah ha.
02:45You all got a problem with my minivan?
02:50Because my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll.
02:56It's a good idea, Sargeant. We'll take the van.
02:57We? You're coming with me?
02:59Sir, with all due respect, I don't need backup.
03:02It's not backup. It's babysitting.
03:05Babysitting. Ah ha.
03:09Oh, look at this. Drug dealer got a B.A. in art history from Brooklyn College. Interesting, huh?
03:15How's that interesting?
03:17Well, it's surprising because you would think he had studied drugs.
03:22I studied art history, too. Also not interesting.
03:25Excuse me. I know I'm just a lowly civilian administrator, but I couldn't help overhearing you're looking for some missing
03:31drugs.
03:32As it turns out, my friend here, Carlene, is a psychic, and she's ready to help you.
03:38I do palms, tarot, and I have a degree in numerology from the internet.
03:42Ugh. Really, Gina? A psychic?
03:44What? She's the real deal. E.G., last week she predicted I would have a sensuous encounter with a guy
03:51named Mark.
03:52And I did.
03:57Is anyone here named Mark?
04:01You're good.
04:03Okay, she's had visions which, frankly, science cannot account for.
04:07Also, she can get you amazing deals on ladies' footwear.
04:11She's assistant manager at Leonard's Designer Shoes.
04:14Vision!
04:15The drugs are in a location.
04:17I see the color blue.
04:19She sees blue.
04:20And yellow.
04:21And I see the letter L, R, S, T, W, E, and B.
04:26So basically everyone's first eight guesses in Hangman?
04:30Carlene, your entire life is garbage.
04:34So Holt's coming on my stakeout now?
04:36I made a mixtape with some very explicit rap on it, and now I can't sing along.
04:39You made a mixtape?
04:40Yes, I still listen to cassettes. This guy is all over me!
04:42I mean, a captain on a minor vandalism case? It's insane!
04:46What's insane is how you refuse to get with the program.
04:48There is a new sheriff in town, Jake.
04:50Well, I like the old sheriff.
04:52I mean, McGintley wouldn't care about a messy desk or all these stupid rules.
04:56Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase!
04:58Hey!
04:58What the hell's going on here?
05:00Science experiment.
05:01I want to see what happens if I taser this cantaloupe.
05:04Okay.
05:05Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase! Tase!
05:09Wahoo!
05:10Oh! Yeah!
05:13And McGintley wouldn't care if I was three minutes late,
05:15because he was always an hour late and hungover.
05:18And he would let you do literally anything you want if you gave him a hamburger.
05:22Let you play your mixtape?
05:23Okay. That's very funny.
05:25Get an iPod, man.
05:27Mixtape.
05:28I just want to apologize for my fellow detective's behavior.
05:32Okay, my granny also had a gift.
05:36I feel that I will die soon.
05:40She was right. She died two years later.
05:42Your sincere belief in my gift means a great deal.
05:47Vision.
05:48The woman you love. The one you work with.
05:51The scary one with the black hair.
05:52Rosa? Yes?
05:54She doesn't love you back. She will never love you back.
05:57Say thank you, Charles. She just told you your future.
06:09You left without me.
06:10You were late. Again.
06:11Well, I had to put on my undercover minivan disguise.
06:14Say hello to Harvey Norganbloom.
06:17CPA. Recently divorced father of two with a dark sexual secret.
06:23What's your cover?
06:24Angry Captain.
06:26Okay. So you do not like my ensemble.
06:28I'm just concerned that you may find it hard to pursue a criminal on foot while wearing man sandals.
06:33But the sandals define Harvey. He's a sandals guy.
06:40Captain, why the babysitting? Why are you micromanaging me?
06:42You think I want to be sitting here with you instead of running my precinct?
06:45Yes.
06:46It was a rhetorical question.
06:47I've spent the last 12 years fighting for my first command.
06:50And I'm not going to let you screw it up because you refuse to take your job seriously.
06:53Hey, I do take my job seriously. I put away bad guys. That's what matters.
06:58Well, so does doing your paperwork, showing up on time, wearing proper footwear.
07:01That's not Harvey. That's not me.
07:03Well, so here's the deal.
07:04You're going to have a superior officer babysitting you on every one of your cases.
07:08And when you show me that you can do your job, every part of your job, perfectly, then I'll back
07:14off.
07:17Okay. Counter offer. I give you 50 bucks and you let me do whatever I want.
07:23Fine. We'll do it your way. From this point on, I'll do every part of the job perfectly.
07:29Perfecter than perfectly.
07:30It's more perfectly. You said that imperfectly.
07:33I was testing you. You did perfectly.
07:36Quick update on the Tagger situation. He is currently spray painting our van right now.
07:42Police! Freeze!
07:43Ow! Ow!
07:45Sandal down!
07:47Lost the sandal.
07:48Am I feeding free?
07:50I'm here.
07:52You're busted.
07:54Already got him.
07:54We got him.
08:00Oh, hey, Captain.
08:02Hi, so I was able to procure that $50 after all, and my offer still stands.
08:08Let me do whatever I want, and the $40, that's how much I actually have, is yours.
08:12No?
08:14Fair enough. I only had 30 anyway.
08:15Well, I guess in order to get you to stop micromanaging me, I'm going to have to get back to
08:18the most important piece of police work there is.
08:21Writing a perfect report.
08:22Good. I'm anxious to read it.
08:24And I'm anxious to restore my status as a lone wolf.
08:31Anything else, Detective?
08:32Anything else, Detective?
08:33Yeah, I'm going to do one more.
08:36Lone wolf.
08:41Digging me.
08:43Hey, Sarge, do you know where we keep the glitter?
08:46I just want to make sure this report for the captain is extra sparkly.
08:49What are you doing, Peralta?
08:50Look, if I have to do things his way, I'm going to do them my way.
08:54Okay, man. It was nice working with you.
08:57I'm not scared of him, okay? I'm not scared of anyone.
09:02Oh, also, the tagger drew a penis on your minivan. I'm sorry. Please don't chase after me.
09:05What? There's a penis on my minivan?
09:09High ceilings, three bedrooms.
09:11Why does every perp have a nicer place than I do?
09:14You know what they don't teach you at the academy?
09:16It's better to be a criminal.
09:17Oh, no. The cabinets are blue.
09:20Tacky.
09:21It's not a deal-breaker, though. I'd just repaint it.
09:24The psychic predicted drugs would be found in something blue.
09:27I see the color blue.
09:30You just made this really depressing prediction about my life.
09:34She won't have her love you back.
09:36And if she's right about where we find the drugs,
09:39that means she's right about the other thing.
09:40Uh-huh. Kitchen.
09:46Whoa, jackpot.
09:48There's way more than 12 keys in here.
09:50Where was it?
09:51Baseboard behind the hamper.
09:53What color was the hamper?
09:54Green.
09:55Yes, the clothes hamper was green.
09:57The clothes hamper was green!
10:00Drinks on me.
10:02Oh, you're weird.
10:06Sorry, this is taking so long.
10:08Still writing up my report.
10:10Pretty detailed.
10:11Hey, Gina, can you look up what the humidity was about an hour ago,
10:14and also what moon cycle we're in?
10:16No, sorry.
10:18Don't feel like it, no.
10:19Thanks, Gina.
10:22And now to you.
10:23What's your name?
10:24My name is Banana Fartman MD.
10:26I don't believe you.
10:28Come on, man.
10:28Just tell me who you are.
10:29I need to fill this thing out perfectly so my boss will get off my back.
10:32Are you a minor?
10:33How old are you?
10:34I'm 610.
10:35I'm a Highlander.
10:36Okay, you know what?
10:37I'm going to put that in there, and then you're going to be tried as an adult Highlander,
10:40and they're going to cut your head off.
10:42Is that what you want?
10:43I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your psychic friend's predictions about the drug
10:48case were wrong, which means all of her predictions are wrong.
10:52Mm-mm.
10:53No way.
10:53She's never wrong.
10:55We found the cocaine behind a green hamper.
10:57Never said green or the letter H.
10:59Mm-hmm.
11:00She said blue and yellow, Charles.
11:02I don't know if there's any kindergartners present, but those two colors combined make green.
11:06She also mentioned the letters L and B, and another name for a hamper is...
11:14Lady Bin Laundry Basket.
11:18Oh, little boo-boo.
11:20Can you go be depressed over there?
11:22You're bumming out my whole area.
11:25Baby, I've got some bad news.
11:27Someone painted a giant penis on our minivan.
11:31No, you cannot have an SUV now.
11:34Those things roll, baby.
11:35They roll!
11:37Hey, look at this.
11:39Your prints were on file.
11:41Nice to meet you, Trevor Podolsky.
11:45Podolsky, just like Deputy Police Commissioner Podolsky.
11:49Your father is Deputy Police Commissioner Podolsky.
11:53I'm not sure how things work here, but does that mean that your career is in my hands?
11:59Okay, you know what?
12:01Yes.
12:0820.2 kilos.
12:10I feel like we could round up to 21.
12:12Or we could round down to 20, take the extra 0.2, sell it to our friends.
12:22I'll call the DA.
12:23Okay, Rosa, you log this in.
12:24Charles, maybe watch Gina.
12:27So what are you doing tonight?
12:29Nothing.
12:30What about you are doing tonight?
12:33Nothing.
12:36Carly.
12:39Well, I hope you find something to do.
12:43I'm going to pee.
12:45That's what I'm doing tonight.
12:47Nope.
12:50Deputy Commissioner, son, huh?
12:53His decision to target cop cars makes a lot more sense now.
12:56We've got to let him walk, right?
12:58He defaced nine police vehicles and you caught him red-handed.
13:00Why would you let him walk?
13:02Captain, I did all the work on this.
13:05Perfectly.
13:05I mean, my report has over 25 pages of meticulous research diagrams and maps.
13:11I even put an about the author section on the back.
13:14I did everything you asked me to do, but this is above my pay grade.
13:18You've got to make the call.
13:20You're the arresting officer.
13:21It's your call.
13:23I told you to do every part of your job, and making this call is part of your job.
13:28Yeah, but you think I should process him.
13:30Mm-hmm.
13:31Well, if I do, the Deputy Commissioner could ruin my career and I'll end up on the street selling my
13:35beautiful body for a can of beans.
13:37Mm-hmm.
13:38Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like a statue?
13:41Yes.
13:43Man, you were totally right about the cocaine, and you were also right about Rosa.
13:48Who's Rosa?
13:49The woman I...
13:50The woman who doesn't love him back.
13:52Yes, that woman.
13:53You know, it can be a burden to always know what's going to happen in the future.
13:57Don't get out of this chair!
13:58I just had a vision of you leaving this chair and getting seriously injured.
14:02Oh, my God.
14:03I should probably wheel you back to your desk.
14:06That is a great idea.
14:07Wheel you off a bridge.
14:08I'm kidding.
14:09Oh, you're alone.
14:11Uh-oh, you're alone for life.
14:14So, here are my options.
14:17One, I process Podolsky's kid.
14:19He fires me, and I spend the rest of my career as a detective third grade, which is literally pathetic.
14:24No offense, Hitchcock.
14:25None taken.
14:26Option two, I let him walk, and I spend the rest of my life with Holt as my babysitter.
14:31And honestly, when I think about spending the rest of my life with a babysitter, she's kind of a cute
14:36blonde named Erica, and she always has pizza money and lets me stay up as late as I want.
14:40How old are you in this scenario?
14:42Anyway, the point is, Holt cares more about whether I do my job right than whether I have a job
14:47at all, so I'm taking suggestions.
14:50I say piss off Holt, so we get to watch your career end right in front of us.
14:54Okay, thank you for that, Santiago.
14:55I'm going to put you down for don't arrest, and I'm also going to put your phone number on every
14:59urinal in Rikers.
15:00Don't arrest him.
15:01Just smack him hard with a phone book on a body part no one can see, you know what I'm
15:05saying?
15:05So you're suggesting police brutality?
15:07I guess so, yeah. Why?
15:10Hey, Scully!
15:11Yeah?
15:12You want this collar? Paperwork's all done, and it's perfect.
15:14The Podolsky kid? Are you kidding? I just gave him my lunch.
15:18Okay.
15:19Boyle, what do you think?
15:20I don't know, man. I'm lost. The universe is a cruel, invexing puzzle. I'm at the whim of the cosmos.
15:27Alright, I'm going to put you down for bummer, and you can hang out in that category all by yourself.
15:34Hey, everyone!
15:35Hey, Jake. There's a very sexy, angry official here, Deputy Commissioner Podolsky. He's asking for you. Very angry, elderly, sexy,
15:46furious.
15:48Well, my career is over. See you at the bottom, Hitchcock. No offense.
15:54No, none taken.
15:58Deputy Commissioner!
16:00Where's my son?
16:01He is at my desk, enjoying a nice glass of bubbly water and some chocolate I was saving for a
16:06special occasion.
16:07Hey, Peralta. When you're done, can you help me wrap up this massive cocaine bust I just pulled off?
16:12Thanks.
16:13Oh, Deputy Commissioner. Didn't see you there. Sorry for interrupting. Amy Santiago.
16:22Trevor, what'd you do this time?
16:24Nothing.
16:25There you have it. He said he did nothing.
16:27So I caught him red-handed doing nothing?
16:29I'm saying maybe it's a possibility he made a mistake.
16:32You know, normally I would agree with you, but I've been pretty detail-oriented the last few hours.
16:36You might not understand this, but Trevor is a special kid.
16:40He makes straight A's. He's going to Duke next year.
16:43Lacrosse scholarship.
16:44Oh.
16:45Sometimes boys just need to be boys.
16:48You do realize he did thousands of dollars worth of property damage, though, to police vehicles?
16:55Look, I think we can all agree that I'm ordering you to let this slide, because nothing happened.
17:00This is officially out of your hands.
17:03Would you actually mind just checking out my report?
17:06It's pretty thorough, and I spent over an hour on fonts.
17:09Kind of snazzy, so...
17:11Oh, thank you. I'll get right to it.
17:14Thanks.
17:14Trevor, let's go.
17:16Have a good one.
17:29Yes.
17:30What's up with the chair?
17:31Um, Carlene predicted if I get out of this chair, I'd get badly hurt, so I'm not chancing it.
17:38Oh, man. There's no more pudding cups left.
17:41Oh! What'd you do that for?
17:43There. Now you're hurt in this chair.
17:46You can get hurt anywhere, Boyle, and if you do, it won't be because some shoe salesman predicted it.
17:54You make your own destiny.
18:02Well, we don't have to worry about Podolsky's son anymore. The case is officially out of my hands. No charges
18:07filed.
18:07Why is there yogurt on this?
18:09The deputy commissioner threw my report in Terry's trash can, and he'd been eating yogurt earlier.
18:14Terry loves yogurt.
18:17Something wrong?
18:18Something wrong?
18:19Kinda, yeah. I called six precincts about this kid. He's been brought in a dozen times. Theft, vandalism, drunken disorderly,
18:25but he's never been processed. His daddy comes in and bails him out every time. He's a lucky little jerk.
18:31No, I wouldn't say he was lucky. I feel bad for this kid. I mean, what kind of father cares
18:36so little for his son that he lets him get away with everything?
18:40Well, it's someone else's problem now. Like you said, he's out of your hands.
18:46All right, I see what you're trying to do, but it's not going to work. I'm not going to arrest
18:50him. I'm going to arrest him!
18:51You want backup?
18:52Yes!
18:58What is this? You can't do this! Get that thing out of here!
19:02Excuse me, sir. Trevor Podolsky, you're under arrest for vandalism and destruction of property.
19:07Dad!
19:08What are you doing? I told you to back off, Peralta.
19:10First off, the name's Santiago. Detective Amy Santiago.
19:14Second, I'm arresting your son, which, as I say it aloud, seems like an unwise choice.
19:20But it's the one I'm making. Once again, my name is Amy Santiago.
19:24You're being stupid, Peralta. Don't be stupid. I can make your life miserable.
19:29Commissioner, please don't talk to my detective in that tone. If you have a complaint, you can take it up
19:32with me.
19:33You just made yourself a very powerful enemy, Hulk. I'm going to be watching you, both of you, like a
19:39hawk.
19:39You're going to have to try a little harder if you want to scare me.
19:42I've been an openly gay cop since 1987, so you're not the first superior officer to threaten me.
19:47You know how I'm still standing here? Because I do my job. And I do it right.
19:54Damn, son!
19:55Don't say son.
19:56Sorry. Deputy Commissioner, if you want to pick Trevor up, we'll be at the 9-9.
20:01Let's go, fartman.
20:06Carleen was wrong, Gina. Rosa said it herself. I'm in charge of my own destiny. That means she wants me
20:11to make a move.
20:12But Carleen was also right. You did get hurt because Rosa punched you. And the fact that Rosa punched you
20:18means she does not like you.
20:20No, no. She punched me to prove Carleen wrong.
20:22Move!
20:24Oh, wait. I take it back. She definitely is into you. So much chemistry.
20:29Now it's crazy.
20:30All right. Let's get this meeting started.
20:32I'm not late. I'm here.
20:41Right on time.
20:43You have a uniform brought.
20:45Baby steps, Captain.
20:47Baby steps.
20:50Not a doctor.
20:51Shhh.
20:52From your lawn.
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