- 6 minutes ago
First broadcast 5th October 2007.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Rich Hall
Sean Lock
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Bill Bailey
Rich Hall
Sean Lock
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Jumbo, Jumbo, Jumbo, Jumbo, and welcome aboard, welcome aboard the SSQI as we slip our moorings and go exploring.
00:10Joining me at the captain's table tonight are the utterly intrepid Sean Locke.
00:18The completely indomitable Rich Hall.
00:26The entirely indispensable Bill Bailey.
00:35And the quite frankly indescribable Alan Davis.
00:45Now, before we strike out into the unknown, don't forget our special E-series Elephant in the Room bonus.
00:53Ah, that's the one, yes.
00:55Could win one of you eagle-eyed pioneers ten glass beads.
00:59Is this what people use when they're meeting an elephant in an airport?
01:04LAUGHTER
01:12Anyway, meanwhile, hat's off, I think, and it's time to warm to our theme, so...
01:17And what are these for?
01:18These are for keeping away flies.
01:20It's a fly whisk.
01:22It's like Phil Spector.
01:24LAUGHTER
01:27I've got Kate Moss over here.
01:30LAUGHTER
01:35I'll pay you, I'm so bored.
01:39LAUGHTER
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42LAUGHTER
01:43LAUGHTER
01:44LAUGHTER
01:45LAUGHTER
01:45Come over here, I'll shoot you.
01:47LAUGHTER
01:48LAUGHTER
01:49Now, how do we sound?
01:51Sean goes...
01:52LAUGHTER
01:55LAUGHTER
01:58LAUGHTER
01:58And Rich goes...
02:02LAUGHTER
02:02LAUGHTER
02:07Yes, thank you.
02:08And Bill goes...
02:11LAUGHTER
02:15LAUGHTER
02:16And Alan goes...
02:18LAUGHTER
02:20APPLAUSE
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23APPLAUSE
02:23LAUGHTER
02:25So, if everyone has their map and their compasses in a clear way,
02:28clean pair of mosquito net pants, let's plunge straight into the unfamiliar country that is question one.
02:35One of the biggest problems faced by explorers, as you can probably imagine,
02:38is that in language, Alan and Bill, I would like you to...
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44To imagine that you are two of the pilgrim fathers who've arrived on the Mayflower
02:50and in the coast of the United States or America.
02:54Right.
02:55And...
02:55I would like Rich and Sean to imagine that you are Native Americans who meet them.
03:00How?
03:01You can use sign language if you like.
03:03Would you communicate?
03:05I would immediately read from the Book of Common Prayer.
03:07LAUGHTER
03:08Hail, Savage.
03:11LAUGHTER
03:11LAUGHTER
03:12Hi, how are you?
03:15LAUGHTER
03:15LAUGHTER
03:18LAUGHTER
03:18What's that, Toby jug?
03:20Yes.
03:21Where's the...
03:21Foaming pint of beer?
03:27LAUGHTER
03:28Never mind the buzzcocks.
03:33LAUGHTER
03:34LAUGHTER
03:34Jonathan Creek!
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39LAUGHTER
03:41LAUGHTER
03:43LAUGHTER
03:44I can't believe my eyes!
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Not just, never mind the buzzcocks, other things as well.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:54LAUGHTER
03:55In stand-up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:59LAUGHTER
03:59Jano, playing in hotels.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03You think you're the first explorers here, don't you?
04:06LAUGHTER
04:07Where do you think these eyeglasses came from?
04:09LAUGHTER
04:10LAUGHTER
04:11The extraordinary thing is, between them, Rich and Bill are absolutely right.
04:17The first thing said by one of the Native Americans, who met the Plymouth Brethren, was could I have some
04:24beer?
04:24In English.
04:26He asked for beer in English.
04:28He read Indian, did?
04:29Yes.
04:30He spoke fluent English.
04:31He'd crossed the Atlantic six times.
04:33This was in 1620, America had been visited by others.
04:36Because the Pilgrim Fathers were not the first people to land in America, by any means.
04:41It's a trick question, wasn't it?
04:42Yeah, his name was Squanto, the best known of them.
04:45Yes.
04:45But this particular one was called Samoset, and he spoke very good English.
04:52Samoset?
04:53LAUGHTER
04:54What did he say then?
04:56What did he say then?
04:56He said, get off my land!
04:57Oh my God!
04:58Have you got some size, right?
05:01You bloody Pilgrim Fathers, get off my land, man!
05:05He learned his English from fishermen, and from his friend Squanto.
05:09And from the archers, probably, as well.
05:11Sure.
05:11How are you, Buzzcock?
05:14LAUGHTER
05:14That's what he said.
05:15But instead of getting beer, he got cheese and a bit of duck.
05:19And they both helped the Pilgrim Fathers survive their first year,
05:22because they had nothing to eat when they arrived,
05:23and all there was was Maine lobster, which is now a delicacy,
05:26but they thought was hideous.
05:27But they were in terrible strife, weren't they?
05:29And they were about to starve, and then they said,
05:33well, actually, you can, here's some turkey.
05:35Yes.
05:35And some, for the full...
05:37And some cranberries.
05:38And then they killed them all with guns.
05:41Unfortunately, yes.
05:42There was 50 years of peace, though.
05:43In fact, Squanto brokered a peace that lasted for 50 years.
05:47They lived together very happily.
05:48He was an interesting fellow, Squanto.
05:51He was kidnapped from his village by a British captain around 1605,
05:54which was 15 years before the Mayflower sailed.
05:57And he lived in England for nine years,
05:58and then he returned home on another British ship.
06:00Then another British captain kidnapped him
06:02and tried to sell him into slavery in Spain.
06:05He was rescued by some Spanish friars, escaped back to London,
06:08took ship again, this time to Newfoundland,
06:10found it was too far to walk home,
06:11so he sailed all the way back to England.
06:14The following year, he signed up for an exploratory expedition
06:17to New England and crossed the ocean again.
06:19By the time he had crossed the Atlantic six times,
06:21he was fluent in English.
06:23Now, buzz when you see something quite interesting here.
06:28First one to buzz.
06:33Oh.
06:35Something.
06:35Going off the edge of the map.
06:38I'm not interested yet.
06:41Time's up.
06:42There is an elephant in the room.
06:44Oh, an elephant!
06:45Oh, no!
06:46Can you not see the elephant?
06:47I just...
06:48I couldn't because of Alan's head.
06:51That is an elephant on a map, as you see, disguised as a contour.
06:56It is an official British Army map that was made in the 1920s,
06:59and the young soldiers responsible for surveying that part of,
07:02what is in fact the Gold Coast, what we'd now called Ghana,
07:05just got bored and traced an elephant.
07:07They thought it was a very remote part that no one would ever bother to visit
07:10and they wouldn't need the map.
07:11So they just made an elephant with a little 300-foot contour mark on its back.
07:17And there it is.
07:18And it was months, possibly years in fact, before anybody noticed.
07:21Those cartographers are right characters to say.
07:23Aren't they just?
07:25Now, let's explore somewhere a little less unnerving, Paris.
07:30What's the best way to get from the Eiffel Tower to the Louvre
07:34without seeing any French people?
07:36Underwater?
07:37Look, just go straight along the river.
07:39What about if you later at lunchtime?
07:40Yeah?
07:41Because they're all stuffing their faces with pâté, aren't they?
07:44No.
07:44And you could just, probably, at lunch.
07:46They're also the right for lunch, don't they?
07:48Apart from the tourists.
07:49With your eyes shut.
07:50Do it with your eyes shut.
07:51Ha-ha!
07:52Ha-ha!
07:54Ha-ha!
07:55We're in a blindfold and say,
07:56where's the Louvre?
07:57Show me the Louvre!
07:59People might say, no point, it's all art.
08:03I want to experience the ambiance without seeing any of you Frenchies.
08:08That's a big long line that you would fly down.
08:10From the Eiffel Tower.
08:11From the Eiffel Tower.
08:12That would, that would be good.
08:13I mean, in a way, you were very close, Alan.
08:15We were trying to get you to talk about the remarkable sewage system of Paris.
08:20Ah!
08:20Their sewers echo their streets.
08:22Exactly.
08:23So under the Champs Elysees, there's a sewer as wide as it, called the Champs Elysees.
08:26They even have street signs in the sewers for the streets, and all the side streets, and at every intersection,
08:31they have the street names.
08:33So if you knew Paris above ground, you'd never get lost.
08:35You could walk along these wonderful sewers.
08:37Boulevards.
08:38It's smelly.
08:38Cafes.
08:39Yes, there they are.
08:39They're rather fine examples of the art of the sewer maker.
08:43And they used to have excursions.
08:44Right up until 1975, you could get a boat every last Thursday and Saturday of the month, and you would,
08:50uh, full of shit.
08:51You'd have to really hate French people to do that, though, wouldn't you?
08:54There we are, look.
08:54There they are.
08:55Here are some turds from the deuxième cottage.
09:00On the left, uh...
09:01How do you think they clean them?
09:02Oh.
09:03What, the people?
09:04No.
09:06The sewers.
09:07Everyone has to flush their toilet at once with no poo in it.
09:11I love the way your mind works out of there.
09:14I'd probably do it, though.
09:15And I use the word works quite wrongly.
09:19So...
09:19Actually, could you press your buzzer, Rich?
09:23It's a hint.
09:24They rolled a giant cleaning ball down there.
09:26Yes!
09:27Well done!
09:28Wow.
09:28Good cultural reference getting there.
09:30Trained elephants and put bristles over their back.
09:34That would work.
09:36No, it's a big ball that scrapes the side.
09:37They send the ball down with a great whoosh of water, and it cleans the sides and works very well,
09:42apparently.
09:44Now, here's a poser.
09:45Where would you put your ladder if you wanted to get into space?
09:50On top of the spaceship.
09:51On a rack.
09:52A red flag hanging off of it so some other spaceships don't follow you too closely.
09:59It's a conceptual question.
10:00How about this?
10:01Up against the wall of silence...
10:09You should have railings built around you and people who come and worship you as a kind of modern Buddha.
10:16You've got the look, I have to say.
10:19Oh, yeah.
10:19It's a good look.
10:20Thank you very much.
10:21Buddha look.
10:21Rural Buddhas.
10:22Yeah.
10:24And there are wisdom and cheap cider.
10:31You're saying where you put the ladder, if you'd assume, I suppose, the obvious answer is you'd put it on
10:35the highest point, like Everest.
10:37Mmm, yes.
10:38That wouldn't...
10:39It'd be a bit bumpy, wouldn't it?
10:40You couldn't get a good foothold on it.
10:41It's sometimes called a space ladder.
10:43It's more commonly called a space elevator.
10:44It is a genuine idea that has been worked on.
10:47And many people believe would have saved the space program an enormous amount of money in various ways.
10:51It was to build a huge elevator that goes from Earth and is counterweighted at the other end.
10:58It spins around incredibly fast.
11:01But it would be an equivalent of geostationary orbit at the end of it.
11:04And you would have elevators on it that would go up and down.
11:07With a phone that didn't work in it.
11:09I'm stuck on the...
11:13I'm about 87,000 miles.
11:17Quite beyond Venus.
11:19There's some kind of a door in the roof.
11:23It was Arthur C. Clarke who particularly believed in this thing.
11:26But NASA spent a lot of money on it.
11:28But the important point is you would have to do it on the equator.
11:32Ah.
11:32Where the Earth goes at its fastest.
11:35Because it's the bit, you know, like the end of a record goes faster than the middle, obviously.
11:38What about a series of trampolines?
11:41They have a huge trampoline and then up higher up is another one about half a mile up.
11:45And then another one.
11:46So it's like a staircase of trampolines going up into space.
11:49And then there's a big bouncy castle at the top.
11:53And a bloke charging you a quid and you've got to take your shoes off.
11:57I'd tell you the best way to get into space, I would tell you I've just realised it and it's
12:01brilliant.
12:02It's just brilliant.
12:02I'm going to be so rich.
12:06Bubble.
12:08Bubble.
12:08A bubble.
12:09A top bubble.
12:09Get in a bubble, just float up there.
12:11Float up there.
12:13One day.
12:13I'm in a big bubble.
12:15I'm not talking about, not about those bubbles you see in there.
12:18That's not a bubble.
12:18Stupid little one.
12:20You call that a bubble mate, you're going to go and see my bubble.
12:22No.
12:23A big bubble, you get in the bubble and off you go.
12:27Fabulous.
12:28Yeah.
12:29Who wants in?
12:31Me, me, me, me, me.
12:35It's like the dragon's den for cranky ideas.
12:38How about this?
12:40You could just imagine.
12:43Oh, Bill.
12:45Bill, that's so beautiful.
12:47It's the wisdom of the rural Buddha.
12:51The Dalai farmer.
12:52Yay!
12:54Yay!
12:56Woo-hoo!
12:58Very good.
13:04Excellent.
13:05I'll be struggling with that for about five minutes.
13:07I've got to be shown in this.
13:10Oh, your synapses are firing beautiful.
13:13Use your synapses to fire people into space.
13:15Now, what do you do if you're in space and one of your crew goes mad?
13:25For example.
13:28You just know he doesn't look mad, though, does he?
13:30No.
13:30He looks really well-fed.
13:33It's like a mixture between smug and orgasm.
13:38And smorgasm.
13:40Smorgasm.
13:41Is there, like, a strict code?
13:43Well, yes, there is, because it's one of the things, as far as we know, it hasn't
13:46happened, but obviously NASA had to think about it, and they came up with some rules.
13:49Don't let them drive the ship, for God's sake.
13:52Yeah, that's an important one.
13:53Keep them away from the teleport room.
13:56Can't do any of the cooking or be in charge of the airlock.
13:58In fact, really relieve them of all responsibilities and sedate them heavily.
14:02Ah, that's important, yeah.
14:03The astronaut's crewmate should bind his wrists and ankles with duct tape, tie him down with
14:09a bungee cord, and inject him with tranquilizers.
14:13Wow.
14:14Just another night in Abu Ghraib.
14:18Stun guns won't be allowed on board.
14:20There will be no guns on the space station, or the shuttle, it says.
14:23This is an official NASA document.
14:24A gun will be out of the question.
14:26No right to bear arms.
14:28Yeah.
14:28But how are you going to fright off the Vargans?
14:32You send a mad bloke up.
14:36You scare him away.
14:39In Star Trek, they just get confined to sick bay.
14:43Yes, they do do that.
14:44Oh, they do.
14:44They get the little...
14:45They put their little seatbelt over them and then...
14:47That's it.
14:49That's it.
14:50I can do that.
14:51Look.
14:53How am I?
14:55Slightly reduced cholesterol.
14:58That'll be the oily fish.
14:59That will be.
15:00Very good.
15:02Now, to explore beyond our solar system would require astronauts to travel for generations,
15:07so I'm afraid there would have to be sex on board.
15:12What problems do you foresee?
15:14Good.
15:14How are you?
15:15How are you?
15:18We have...
15:21We have a freeway.
15:22That's a NASA training manual.
15:25How to reproduce.
15:28Roger.
15:32It would be very hard to dock, I thought.
15:36That is the problem.
15:37Connecting and staying connected would be very, very difficult.
15:39The other problem would be the male member would be slightly smaller in space
15:43because blood pressure is lower.
15:45Oh, jeez.
15:46So it may be difficult to sustain...
15:48Space, no one can hear you.
15:49Apologize.
15:54Oh, Rick.
15:57I do love you.
16:00And there is the business of fluids.
16:02I don't know.
16:02It's bad enough in at the tub, isn't it?
16:04Yeah.
16:06Important parts, jeez.
16:08And it could get into some important parts of the machinery.
16:12Short-circuit things just in little droplets that are suspended everywhere.
16:16You're trying to get them pregnant, not make a porn film.
16:20Houston, we have a problem with...
16:22Spunk in the bay.
16:25I like the idea of space porn.
16:27I'm here to fix the turbo thrusters.
16:36Well, you...
16:38You'd better come through to the sleeping bay, then.
16:42Okay.
16:43The poor actress is waving it around by his knot.
16:49I'm carrying him across to another woman who can't...
16:52Oh, my God.
16:58Oh, my God.
17:07Oh, my God.
17:08Oh, my God.
17:10Oh, my God.
17:11Oh, my God.
17:11Oh, my God.
17:11Oh, my God.
17:12Oh, my God.
17:15Oh, my God.
17:15Listen, get ready for another round of...
17:17General ignorance, please.
17:19What were the first words spoken from the surface of the moon?
17:24How appropriate, Sean.
17:26Ah, hello?
17:28Can you hear me?
17:30It was like, woo, woo, woo, woo.
17:33It was the clangers, wasn't it?
17:34It was the clangers.
17:36But it wasn't one small step for man,
17:39because he hadn't gone on yet.
17:40Very true.
17:41Very good.
17:42So what else was it?
17:43Well, he was like, come on down, Neil. It's fine.
17:46It's fine. Don't worry about it. What's the big deal?
17:49Golf club.
17:50Great to be here in Philadelphia. I mean, the moon.
17:56Well, let's sort out who said it.
17:58Who said the first human words uttered on the surface of the moon?
18:01Neil Armstrong.
18:02No. Buzz Aldrin.
18:04Yes, it was Buzz.
18:05He was in charge of the steering of the module as it landed.
18:09And 102 hours, 45 minutes and 25 seconds in.
18:14He was saying, fall forward.
18:17Fall forward, drifting to the right a little.
18:19That's good. That's good.
18:20Something garbled.
18:21And then, contact light.
18:24And the contact light that showed there had landed was on.
18:26Those were the first words spoken.
18:27Not the eagle has landed and certainly not small.
18:30This is the moon. This is the end of the line.
18:33Please make sure you have all your bags and personal possessions.
18:39What do you know about Buzz Aldrin otherwise?
18:42His dad had a sense of humour.
18:45What is that?
18:46Well, he called him Buzz.
18:49But he didn't.
18:50He called him Edward Eugene Aldrin Jr.
18:53His sister...
18:54I think I'm right after me.
18:56His sister called him Buzz because she couldn't say brother.
18:59She said buzzer.
19:00And he became Buzz.
19:01He eventually made it his legal name.
19:03He had the hand of a monkey.
19:11Very good.
19:13What was his mother's maiden name?
19:15Surely you know that.
19:17Smith.
19:17Brown.
19:18Jones.
19:18Moon.
19:19Moon is the right answer.
19:20Well done.
19:21Did you know that?
19:23No.
19:30All right, fingers on buzzers again, please.
19:32Who invented the moonwalk?
19:34Oh, Sean's in quickly.
19:36Michael Jackson.
19:37Oh!
19:39No.
19:41He certainly may have popularised it, if that's the word.
19:44He probably isn't.
19:45Winston Churchill.
19:48No.
19:49Now, Michael Jackson got his information from Jeffrey Daniel, who's a member of the soul group called Shallamar.
19:53Does that mean anything to you?
19:54Oh, yes.
19:55I'm gonna make this a night to remember.
19:58Oh, why did I say that?
20:01Tonight.
20:02We're gonna make this a night to remember.
20:07Oh!
20:07Oh!
20:20Ah
20:29Jeffrey Daniel was not the inventor Bill Bailey
20:38Wow
20:40He's taken in space
20:42That's actually the wrong man because the inventor of the moon what was Bill Bailey, and we can see the
20:46real Bill Bailey now, I hope
20:50He's just about to do it
20:55Isn't he great?
20:56I don't think he is. I think he's rubbish
20:57Oh
20:59Do you know of any other famous people who've had your name?
21:02Well, there's uh, Axl Rose of course
21:05Is his real name Bill Bailey?
21:06Axl Rose, lead singer of Guns N' Roses, his real name is Bill Bailey
21:09Oh, that's very good. I thought Guns N' Baileys was rubbish
21:15I have a dormitory at University of Colorado named after me
21:19Have you really?
21:20Rich Hall, I would say
21:28The last man to be hanged in America was a Bill Bailey
21:31Good lord
21:31Yeah
21:32Really? What was his uh, what did he, what was his price?
21:34I'm afraid I don't know more about that
21:35Terrible dance thing in a silly hat
21:41Moonwalking in a built up area
21:44Did you know there's an animal that could moonwalk?
21:47It's a wonderful little bird called a mannequin bird
21:50Do you want to see a mannequin bird?
21:51Yes
21:52Moonwalking, I think it will give you pleasure
21:55Oh
22:01It gets fun, yeah?
22:02It gets fun
22:04It gets fun
22:05To remember
22:05Get rid of it
22:10Isn't it great?
22:12That is the loveliest
22:13In very 70s yellow trousers
22:17Yeah
22:17Oh, that's fantastic
22:20And that's all it does
22:24It's a delight
22:25I have a programme of animals doing like 80s dances
22:31It's some worms doing body popping, you know
22:34What's he doing?
22:35Is he trying to lure?
22:36Attract a female
22:37Attract a female
22:41Colour and movement
22:44He's the best one
22:46That's the one they like
22:47It gets funnier every time
22:48It does
22:49Let's hear it
22:50For the assured comedy stylings of the mannequin bird
22:55There you go
23:01Well done
23:02Well done
23:03Mannequin bird
23:04Bloody mark
23:05They also make extraordinary sounds with their wings
23:07I thought you were saying they make extraordinary sandwiches
23:11Not sandwiches
23:12They actually taste bloody good as well
23:16Maybe you had enough
23:19Not only can they do that
23:20They're the only bird that sings with their wings
23:22In the same way that a cricketer or grasshopper makes a noise
23:24They do that
23:26And it's extraordinary
23:27Sometimes you can be a bit too talented, can't you?
23:30Yeah
23:31Exactly
23:32One is enough
23:33And is it
23:34Cut to the feet
23:35The females just sit there going
23:38And finally
23:39Who first put two feet on the top of Mount Everest?
23:43Show up the tensing
23:44Show up the tensing
23:45No!
23:47Oh dear
23:49Edmund Hillary
23:53I don't know what you're saying they hopped up there
23:56Cliff Richard
23:59Amazingly we didn't guess you might say that
24:01Does it mean someone put an extra rock up there to make it two feet higher?
24:05They made it two feet higher in a very extraordinary way
24:08How high is
24:10He raised it from the bottom
24:1129
24:15That would be laborious
24:18How high is Mount Everest?
24:2029,028 feet
24:21You're absolutely right down to the left foot
24:27Since 1955 that has been the accepted height of Mount Everest
24:31Yes
24:31It's 29,002 feet
24:33Exactly
24:34But
24:36This is very good
24:38But
24:38The applause and what's my line
24:40It was
24:41You're getting warmer
24:42I think it's a man
24:44Yeah
24:46Let's see
24:47Whose house it is
24:50So
24:52It's
24:52Radhanath Sikdar
24:54Was a mathematician from Bengal
24:57Who was the first to identify Everest
24:59Which used to be known as peak 15
25:01As the world's highest mountain
25:02And this was in 1852
25:03He used a theodolite
25:04From 150 miles away
25:06And he measured it to be
25:09Exactly 29,000 feet
25:11Exactly
25:1129,000
25:13And he thought no one would believe him
25:14They would think he just rounded up
25:16And said oh it's about 29,000
25:17You know
25:18But he really
25:18And so he was so annoyed by the fact
25:20That it was exactly 29,000
25:22He added two feet
25:23So that it looked as if he was terribly precise
25:25Right
25:26So he was quite literally the man
25:28The first man
25:28To put two feet on
25:32Yeah
25:32Silly question I grant you
25:34But
25:34It elicited the fact that you knew the two heights
25:36That were known of Everest
25:38Yeah
25:38Most of them
25:39They will get you work anywhere in the world
25:41Those two men
25:42You can travel anywhere
25:44And just say
25:45I know two things about everything
25:47And George Everest
25:48Who was he?
25:49Why was the mountain named after him?
25:50He kept changing his height
25:53He was the surveyor general of India
25:56At the time it happened
25:57And in his honour
25:58They called it Mount Everest
25:59But
26:00Even though it's named after him
26:02It's still wrong to call it Mount Everest
26:04Why would that be?
26:05Because it's not a mountain
26:06It's a hill
26:06No it is
26:08If anything's a mountain
26:09I think we can say it is
26:10No
26:11We shouldn't call it Mount Everest
26:13Because he didn't pronounce his name Everest
26:15He pronounced it Iverest
26:17Iverest
26:18Iverest
26:19George Iverest
26:19George Iverest
26:21Yeah
26:21I think I'm right in saying that
26:23Churchill's nanny was called Everest
26:26Nanny Everest
26:27Yeah
26:27The tallest nanny
26:31Nanny
26:33And with that it's back to base camp for a spot of brandy
26:37Leaving nothing behind but footprints
26:39And gunboats and invidious colonial regimes
26:43And let's see how many points we've looted along the way
26:46Oh my goodness me
26:47In the first place is Rich Hall with eight points
27:00And with three points is Bill Bailey
27:07With minus eight points and a very creditable knowledge of mountains Alan Davis
27:16Which
27:18Sadly means that in the pot simmering gently ready to be nibbled
27:22Is Sean Locke with minus sixteen
27:25Thank you
27:25Thank you
27:32Now you're welcome
27:33So with nowhere else left to explore, it's a tearful valediction from Rich, Sean, Bill, Alan and me
27:39and this moving quatrain from T.S. Eliot's Four Quartets.
27:43We shall not cease from exploration,
27:45and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started
27:49and know the place for the first time.
27:52Good night.
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