- 6 hours ago
First broadcast 15th January 2010.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jo Brand
Rob Brydon
Sean Lock
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Jo Brand
Rob Brydon
Sean Lock
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:07Guten Abend, guten Abend, guten Abend, guten Abend
00:13and willkommen to QI. Tonight we're dallying in Deutschland.
00:17And joining me on the panel we have the Germanic Rob Bryden.
00:23Joined by the Teutonic Sean Rock.
00:30The Wagnerian Joe Brown.
00:36And the Jerry-built Alan Davis.
00:45And tonight to attract my attention with an Achtung,
00:49the panel have the very latest in precision-engineered buzzers.
00:52Rob goes...
00:59Sean goes...
01:05Joe goes...
01:09And Alan goes...
01:11Don't let's be beastly to the Germans...
01:16And I should warn you that I'll be cracking down very hard,
01:20panelistas, on any mention of the war.
01:25Don't mention the war.
01:27You have been war-ned.
01:31So since we're talking about Germany, let's define our terms.
01:34There are some words that we don't have English,
01:36and we sometimes borrow them from Germany.
01:38I want you to give me a sentence using correctly the word schadenfreude.
01:45A whole sentence?
01:47You didn't get that itch!
01:49That statue's all covered in schadenfreude.
01:53It's a sentence, but I'm...
01:55Must have been a cold night.
01:56Look at the size of my schadenfreude.
02:00Any other thoughts?
02:02Familiar with the phrase?
02:04Oh!
02:05Oh!
02:06Yes.
02:06I enjoyed the schadenfreude I experienced
02:09when my husband was killed by a local gangster.
02:13It's a correct use of the word schadenfreude.
02:19Correct, but deeply in need of therapy.
02:22So schadenfreude means...
02:25Pleasure in the misfortune of others.
02:27Pleasure in the misfortune of others.
02:28And there is no English phrase for it,
02:29so we had to borrow it from the Germans.
02:31Does the word gemütlichkeit mean anything to you?
02:35Hmm.
02:35Dare you.
02:36That sounds kind of Jewish.
02:38That's like a Jackie Mason...
02:39I don't know what he's talking about.
02:42Why should it be?
02:43How ironic that it's actually German.
02:45Well, it's not ironic,
02:46because Yiddish is German the Jews use.
02:48Yeah, I knew that.
02:49It's Gesundheit, Yiddish.
02:51Gesundheit is German.
02:52It just means, literally, soundness,
02:54or health.
02:55Yeah.
02:55Oh.
02:56But gemütlichkeit mean anything to you?
02:58No idea.
02:59No?
02:59It's a word that, particularly in Austria and Bavaria,
03:01but all around Germany,
03:03it sort of signifies a kind of cosiness,
03:05a charm, an ease,
03:07a relaxed, pleasant feeling.
03:09Swingers party.
03:11Mine!
03:12Gemütlich people are also good community people.
03:15They're very kind to their neighbours.
03:16Is it the German brand name for Rohypnel?
03:20You're not such cynics.
03:22It was considered so important for things like Austrian holidays.
03:25There was a reasonably famous case in the early 70s
03:27of a man who sued a travel company
03:29because there was no gemütlichkeit on his holiday,
03:32and he won.
03:33He won for lack of gemütlichkeit.
03:36Yeah.
03:36What was that, like, lack of a good feel, a nice feeling?
03:38A nice, warm feeling.
03:39It was called Jarvis versus Swan Tors Limited in 1973.
03:43It was precedent in English contract law, apparently.
03:46OK, well, I'll try...
03:48Zugzwang?
03:49Mean anything to you?
03:50It's used in chess.
03:52Checkmate, stalemate?
03:53No, it's slightly like stalemate.
03:55It isn't, though.
03:55It's for one player
03:56where his disadvantage is that he has to move.
04:00And in chess, you have to move.
04:01Obviously, if your opponent has moved, it's your move.
04:04You can't just say,
04:04I pass, you can now move.
04:06And by moving,
04:07you weaken your position sometimes fatally,
04:09and that's called being in Zugzwang.
04:11Right.
04:11Yeah.
04:12But anyway, so, I'll try one more zeitgeist.
04:14You know that one.
04:16Zeitgeist, yes, I've heard of that.
04:18There's sort of something in the air
04:19that everyone feels
04:20and it leads to similar ideas happening.
04:23Spirit of the age.
04:24Spirit of the age.
04:25It literally means time ghost or time spirit.
04:28Yeah, exactly.
04:29Well, you did pretty well on your German.
04:31Turns out that German words are not in the zeitgeist.
04:34It seems not.
04:36It seems that they aren't.
04:39They're not in your...
04:40I did a German word joke.
04:41I didn't even know I had one.
04:44German words are not in your Weltanschauung.
04:47Indeed.
04:47Yeah.
04:49Well, good.
04:49We use a known word
04:50when we're overwhelmed
04:51with that weltschmetz and angst
04:53because we don't have one of our own.
04:55One of the many ways
04:55that our German friends
04:56have contributed
04:57to the gestalt of the English language.
04:59How upset are the Germans
05:01about the 1966 World Cup?
05:03Well, very, I would say.
05:10Well, they would be.
05:11Surely I would have thought
05:12a proud nation like the Germans.
05:14They were upset at the time,
05:15but I said,
05:16how upset are they?
05:17They barely remember it.
05:18If you asked every German
05:19who won the World Cup in 1966...
05:21Yeah, they're pretending.
05:22You don't say that.
05:23No, because the fact is...
05:24No, I don't know.
05:25No, because we care about it.
05:27They don't.
05:28They care about their scores
05:29against Holland.
05:30That's their big thing.
05:32They really, honestly,
05:33if you ask the average German,
05:34they're just 66.
05:35They really don't know.
05:36Oh, did you?
05:37Well done.
05:38International...
05:38For us, it was like everything.
05:40Wow, we won.
05:41But they, in 1974,
05:42beat the Dutch,
05:43and that, to them,
05:44was the one they really, really care about.
05:46But surely,
05:48the Dutch have never provided
05:49great deal of opposition to them.
05:50Generally, in history,
05:52they've just walked into Holland
05:53whenever they fancied it.
05:54Oh, in that sense.
05:56Any time they want.
05:57They just go into Holland,
05:58which is just like,
05:59spin the windmill,
06:00and eventually...
06:01I was talking about...
06:10I was talking about
06:11the great Geschmutzflip
06:13in 1762,
06:15where they just walked into Holland,
06:16but they can just enter...
06:17Oh, I'll mention the War of Holland.
06:20You have to.
06:21Surely they're denying
06:22their true rivalry,
06:23which will be with us.
06:24Why?
06:25They're in denial.
06:27We may think that,
06:28but it's up to them to decide.
06:30I mean, you can't force a German
06:31to care about whether they beat us or not.
06:33Well, they bloody well should.
06:34Yes.
06:35I'm sure you're very upset by it,
06:37but, I mean,
06:37they just don't care that much.
06:39And there are other things,
06:40like the sun lounge,
06:41hogging with the towel.
06:42Yeah.
06:42Is that something
06:43you've actually experienced?
06:44Yeah.
06:45There's some pictures.
06:46These are some of
06:47Alan's holiday photos
06:48he brought with you.
06:51It turns out
06:52that a German lawyer
06:52called Ralph Hooker
06:53actually did a study,
06:54and he confirms
06:55that we think it.
06:56But Germans are blissfully
06:57unaware of their reputation
06:58in this case.
06:59No, really?
07:00A study by Halifax...
07:01I think they don't care
07:01is the right description of it.
07:03They just don't...
07:03They don't know
07:04that's what we think of them.
07:05But Halifax Travel Insurance...
07:06They think it's just common sense
07:07to go down before breakfast
07:09and basically at dawn
07:10and take all the beds
07:12around the pool.
07:13The Halifax Travel Insurance
07:14in 2001 confirmed
07:16with the study
07:16that Germans are the most likely
07:17to reserve suns and landers
07:18with towels.
07:19And which nation
07:19do you think
07:20is the second most likely to?
07:21The Dutch.
07:22The British.
07:23The British.
07:24Yeah.
07:24Very close.
07:25Who turned up
07:25ten minutes later
07:26and got...
07:27Ah, exactly.
07:28Well, the French
07:29and Italians
07:30and Portuguese
07:31are having breakfast
07:31and not really going.
07:33they're in their own countries.
07:34Yeah, well, that's...
07:37That's true.
07:37Enjoy the lovely food
07:38of the weather.
07:43That is highly true.
07:45Highly true.
07:46I had a run-in
07:47with some Germans
07:47on holiday once.
07:49I'm sad to say
07:50because I like Germans
07:51on the whole.
07:53And I'd walked
07:54through the hotel
07:54past a group of Germans
07:56who didn't realise
07:57I understood German
07:58and as I went past
07:59one of them said
08:01there goes the sad
08:02fat English
08:04something rude.
08:06And so I railed
08:08at them
08:08in my pigeon German
08:09which made them
08:10laugh even more.
08:11And then the next morning
08:13I had to walk past
08:14them on my way
08:15round the pool
08:16because obviously
08:16they'd sat down
08:17in all the nice chairs
08:18and I went past
08:19with my head held high
08:20like that.
08:21Sat down on a deck chair
08:22went through it.
08:23Oh no!
08:25Oh no!
08:26Oh no!
08:26Oh no!
08:27Oh no!
08:29And they pointed
08:30and laughed.
08:30They sabotaged it.
08:32In fact,
08:32they left the one chair
08:33they'd already weakened it
08:35perforating
08:36and I'm like
08:36yeah.
08:37Oh, that's very good
08:43I remember that.
08:45The other stereotype
08:46we have in Germans
08:47of course
08:47is they're efficient
08:48and they think
08:48that of themselves
08:49as well
08:50but they anticipate
08:52that we think
08:52of them
08:53as Lederhosen
08:54wearing beer drinkers
08:55but what do they
08:56think of us?
08:57What are the
08:57six major thoughts
08:59that Germans
08:59have about the British?
09:00They'll be probably
09:01a bit smelly
09:02beer-y
09:04Untidy
09:04they would say.
09:05They think of us
09:06as untidy
09:06Violent
09:07Well,
09:08we come in mobs
09:09certainly
09:10Yeah, yeah
09:11that we're obsessed
09:11with royalty
09:13They think we're all
09:14obsessed with royalty
09:15that we drink tea
09:16all the time
09:17that we're rather
09:18reserved
09:19and we can't cook
09:21So they've been over
09:22then?
09:22Yeah, they've been
09:23pretty accurate
09:25summation out there
09:26If not,
09:27they've certainly
09:27read our newspapers
09:29There you are
09:30The fact is
09:31we may think
09:31of the Germans
09:32as our great rivals
09:33on the football field
09:34but they're more
09:34interested in caning
09:35the Dutch
09:35but why did the Germans
09:37confiscate
09:38the Dutchman's trousers?
09:40What the Dutch
09:41is there some
09:42special Dutch trouser?
09:43Am I missing
09:43some Dutch trouser?
09:44When was the World Cup
09:45held in Germany?
09:461974 and 2006
09:482006
09:49Now in 2006
09:50a group of Dutch
09:52fans
09:53in fact
09:54hundreds of thousands
09:55of Dutch fans
09:56thought it would be
09:57rather charming
09:57to buy some
09:58orange lederhosen
09:59that were provided
10:00for them
10:00which had two
10:01big pockets
10:02they could put beer in
10:03and they had a
10:03lion's tail
10:04they were called
10:05lievenhosen
10:06in Dutch
10:06which means
10:06lion trouser
10:08lion pants
10:08there they are
10:09big, big pockets
10:10for their beer
10:11they look like
10:11they work for
10:12easy jet
10:12they do
10:13they do
10:14it's the same colour
10:15the colour of Holland
10:16the orange
10:17the colour of Nassau
10:18but these were
10:19confiscated en masse
10:21to such an extent
10:22that all the Dutch
10:23fans that came
10:24to the first
10:24Dutch game
10:25against the
10:26Cote d'Ivoire
10:26the Ivory Coast
10:27had them taken away
10:29so they had to watch
10:29in their underpants
10:31so why
10:32that's my question
10:34why
10:35why
10:35Alan
10:36why
10:37take a Dutchman
10:38it could be used
10:38as a catapult
10:39no
10:40I'm afraid
10:41it's a
10:41no they probably
10:42thought it's not
10:42going to be a very
10:43good match
10:43we want a shot
10:44of loads of people
10:45in their pants
10:46during the going
10:46do they manufacture
10:48do they have some
10:49kind of logo on them
10:50well they do
10:50you can see
10:51what is it
10:51oh sponsorship
10:52it's just because
10:52of their sponsorship
10:53I fear it's true
10:54that the official
10:55FIFA beer
10:56was not Bavaria
10:58and therefore
10:59it wasn't allowed
11:00and this happens
11:01a lot
11:01I'm afraid
11:02at Wimbledon
11:02it's happened
11:03that some woman
11:04had her yoghurt
11:04taken away from her
11:05because it wasn't
11:07the official yoghurt
11:08of Wimbledon
11:09that's outrageous
11:10that's terrible
11:11it's Britishly
11:12pathetic
11:13but it's outrageous
11:15as well
11:15your yoghurt
11:16can't hang your yoghurt
11:17the Bavaria beer company
11:19that scam
11:20was a complete
11:21waste of trousers
11:21it was a waste of
11:23you've got a brilliant
11:23idea
11:23oh no
11:24exactly
11:25they should have got them
11:26to tattoo
11:27they should have got them
11:28to tattoo
11:28Bavarian beer
11:29on their foreheads
11:30yes
11:31and then they'd have had to
11:32laser them
11:32before they go into the game
11:34I think they'll
11:36and they'd be
11:37and they'd be
11:37and they'd be burnt foreheads
11:38watching the game
11:39that'd have been good
11:40I'd have liked that
11:41you know that's why
11:42you know when premiership footballers
11:44get booked
11:44when they're
11:45if they take their shirts off
11:46when they score a goal
11:47it's because
11:47that's the time you see the sponsor
11:49isn't it
11:49when they score a goal
11:50you see the sponsor on the shirt
11:51that's why FIFA
11:53made it a bookable offence
11:55to take off your shirt
11:55when you've scored a goal
11:56because that's the time
11:57when you get all the coverage
11:58is that right
11:58you know the Bino
11:59you know
12:01the Bino
12:02we're going
12:02Christ
12:02we've paid hundreds of millions
12:04for sponsor Man United
12:06and Ronaldo takes his shirt off
12:08all you're seeing is some nipples
12:09yeah
12:09so what does Lederhosen mean
12:11leather trousers
12:13leather pants
12:13leather trousers
12:14absolutely
12:14it's one of those
12:16rather typical things
12:16where the upper classes
12:17decided to ape the peasantry
12:19in the 18th century
12:20and had these incredibly expensive
12:22wedding and country feasts
12:23in which they pretended to be
12:25rather like you know
12:26Marie Antoinette
12:27with her silver milk churns
12:29pretending to be a milkmaid
12:30now the socks
12:31that that man in the middle
12:32is wearing
12:32are very long socks
12:33and just out of interest
12:35for you
12:36that's something
12:37that I've turned to recently
12:38I now
12:38I now favour
12:40the longer socks
12:41do you
12:42can you take me
12:43through your reasoning
12:44yes I can
12:44I'll show you
12:45the gentleman's sock
12:46the half hose
12:47it's called the half hose
12:48now Joe
12:49you as a lady
12:50you're going to think
12:51this sock is going to stop
12:52a lot sooner than it does
12:55so what's
12:56what's this
12:57look at that
12:57surely surely
12:58we've reached the peak
12:59oh my goodness me
13:00surely we've peaked
13:01no
13:01oh my word
13:03surely
13:03he's wearing tights
13:06oh
13:10can I say
13:11not so much for Joe
13:12but Stephen
13:13Alan
13:14and Sean
13:15I urge you
13:17to give it a go
13:19because it gives you
13:20a feeling of security
13:23they do make you look
13:24like a knobhead
13:27sorry
13:27Rob
13:28well one of the problems
13:29men have
13:30there's a problem
13:31men have Joe
13:32which is that we wear away
13:34the hair on our shins
13:35by tight short socks
13:37don't we
13:38is that one of the things
13:38we're afraid of
13:39but by just carrying on
13:41the conversation
13:42you imply that you agree
13:44with what Joe
13:46what was going through my mind
13:48is how difficult it would ever
13:49be for a man to say that to a woman
13:50that's all
13:51and I thought I'm not going to go
13:52in that direction
13:52we allow women to be rude
13:54could you please come down
13:55on one side or the other here
13:58you're either with me
13:59or you're with her
14:00it's true
14:00but it's just as true
14:01that women make themselves look
14:03positively ridiculous
14:04occasionally
14:04it doesn't make you look cool
14:05put it that way
14:06nobody's going to go
14:07I'm going to get a pair of those
14:09well at the risk of turning this
14:11into ready steady cook
14:12why don't we let the audience decide
14:17all those who think Rob
14:19is really onto something
14:20with the gentleman's half hose
14:22as I believe they are
14:23technically called
14:24the long sock
14:25the Bryden long sock
14:26could you please shout out
14:28long sock
14:29long sock
14:31oh it's not good
14:32that's not good
14:32I fear without having to ask
14:35there's no need to carry on
14:45there's a class of ethnic immigrant
14:47now long established in America
14:49known as Pennsylvania Dutch
14:50where do you think
14:51they originally came from
14:53Germany
14:53yes
14:54the Rhineland and Switzerland
14:56see I went
14:56I double bluffed
14:57exactly very good
14:58but why would they be called Dutch
15:00because the Americans
15:02can be bothered
15:03no
15:04because they rightly recognise
15:05the word Dutch and Deutsch
15:06are the same word
15:07Deutsch is Dutch
15:08and it was partly because
15:10what we now call
15:11the Dutch Dutch
15:12the Hollanders
15:13were at war with Britain
15:14many times
15:15and indeed of course
15:16invaded
15:16you mentioned the war
15:17at war with
15:19not the war
15:21you did
15:25it's a minefield
15:30oh my lord
15:33can I just say
15:34could I just say
15:35Joe
15:36bit of a knob head
15:42what would you use
15:43this for
15:44I have a picture of them here
15:46it's like the children
15:48it's a German invention
15:50put a torch behind it
15:51and then you creep up
15:52into their bedroom at night
15:53when they're asleep
15:54you move it very slowly
15:56across the room
15:57it's a thing that is used
15:59in the lavatory
16:00in the WC
16:01no
16:01it's a habit
16:02it's for men to do something
16:04when they go to the lavatory
16:05it's to encourage them
16:07the seat
16:07anything to do with the seat
16:08it is to do with the seat
16:09dive off it into the toilet
16:11no
16:11no
16:12noble guess
16:13but doomed
16:14no
16:15do they sit down
16:16do they sit down in Germany
16:18it's if they lift the seat
16:19which
16:20men tend to do
16:21before having a pee
16:23this
16:23I have one here
16:25here it is
16:26hello
16:27this is your toilet speaking
16:29wouldn't you rather like to sit down
16:31oh
16:31you prefer to stand
16:33well then you may leave now
16:34good German men
16:36don't actually get to go to the toilet then
16:37do they
16:39no wonder
16:40they're wearing that lederhosen
16:41and slapping themselves all the time
16:42no
16:43the point is
16:44in Germany
16:45they think it's somehow unhygienic
16:46because they're splashing
16:47and things
16:47they want the men to sit
16:49so it's like
16:50that's how it's attached
16:51so when you lift up the seat
16:52it starts speaking at you
16:54loud enough
16:54in a public laboratory
16:56for others to hear
16:58so that men sit
16:59and have a pee
17:00that's the idea
17:01well splashing is a problem
17:02we've got builders in at the moment
17:03and they're all using
17:04the lower loo
17:06it is like the centre park's log flume
17:08in there
17:12is that why
17:13is that why you've got the long socks
17:22what I say to you
17:23and to every
17:24every person here
17:25is don't knock it
17:26till you try
17:27yeah I was the same as you
17:28I thought they were ridiculous
17:30then I put them on
17:31and I'm loving it
17:33how good can it be though
17:35just a long sock
17:36yeah I know
17:36exactly
17:37exactly
17:37but have you tried it Sean
17:38no
17:39exactly
17:39try it then come back
17:41I'm just going to wonder
17:42what's going to happen to you
17:43when you go like skydiving
17:44you go wow
17:45this is incredible
17:47forget the socks
17:48this is amazing
17:50I have been skydiving
17:52have you tried jelly
17:53that's nice
17:56oh my god
17:59the socks were good
18:00this is incredible
18:01you know what
18:02they laughed at Edison
18:03you know
18:04they
18:05they laughed at a lot of weirdos
18:07as well though Rob
18:09no they did
18:10I'm just
18:11bouncing it out
18:13anyway these are called
18:15a spook
18:15which is German for spook
18:16but it's also an acronym
18:17SPUK
18:18that stands for
18:19Steepinkler
18:20Untercontroller
18:22a steepinkl
18:23is to stand
18:24urinating
18:25as opposed to
18:26sitzpinkl
18:27which is to sit
18:28you're going to think
18:29I'm making this up
18:30but when I
18:31when I sit down
18:32if I'm wearing
18:34a heavy cord
18:34a jumbo cord
18:35for example
18:36one of the things
18:37that annoys me
18:39more than anything else
18:40are you saying anything?
18:41is when I
18:42is when I
18:43is when I
18:43put my trousers
18:44and I sit down
18:44sometimes it catches
18:45the long sock
18:46and takes it down
18:47to the
18:48oh
18:49oh
18:49and I sometimes
18:51will pull the sock
18:52while I'm sitting there
18:53just to have that
18:54nice feeling of
18:55of control
18:56of the sock
18:57reaching the knee
18:58and just a minute
19:00Rob
19:00you're not a knobhead
19:01you wear long socks
19:02and jumbo cords
19:04I said
19:05if I'm wearing
19:07sometimes I'll wear
19:08a jumbo cord
19:09you know what my dilemma
19:10is in that situation
19:11is what I often do
19:13is if I'm sitting
19:14on the toilet
19:14is I often take
19:15my glasses off
19:16right
19:16because I don't
19:17like wearing them
19:18for distance
19:19I don't need them
19:20I'm sat there for a while
19:22I don't need my glasses
19:23so often take my glasses
19:24off
19:24and the pants
19:25act like a little
19:26hammock
19:26for the glasses
19:33it gets worse
19:35because what if I put them in there
19:36and then I might be sat there
19:38for some time
19:39because my diet
19:40isn't the healthiest
19:42I eat far more meat
19:43than I should
19:44and then sometimes
19:45so I might be sat there
19:46for 10 or 15 minutes
19:47and then
19:47when I stand up
19:48finished
19:48I stand up
19:49to pull my trousers
19:49up
19:49I forget about my glasses
19:50and I go
19:52oh for glasses
19:53and I rammed my glasses
19:55deep into my under
19:57region
19:58whoa
19:59and I clean this pair
20:01of these
20:04well
20:06I hope no one else
20:07has any more
20:08thanks for sharing
20:08yes quite
20:11well anyway
20:11the spook is a high-tech
20:13weapon in the German
20:14battle
20:14against men
20:15weeing on the floor
20:17what do
20:17what do
20:19naked German
20:20German students
20:20do for a living
20:25the
20:25Nacktputz
20:26service
20:27if that means
20:27anything to you
20:28you can hire a naked
20:29person
20:30not just for life
20:31modelling
20:31no not for life
20:32modelling
20:33for doing housework
20:35Germans like
20:36to have naked
20:37students
20:37doing their
20:38hoovering
20:39and their housework
20:42because nudism
20:43is a very
20:43German thing
20:44Germans sort of
20:45I wouldn't say
20:46they invented nudism
20:46that's ridiculous
20:47but as the kind
20:48of movement
20:49we know it
20:49it did spring
20:50from Germany
20:50FKK
20:51FKK
20:52very good
20:52points
20:53do you know
20:53what that stands for
20:54Freikorpus Kulture
20:55Freikorpus Kulture
20:56Freikorpus Kulture
20:57yeah exactly
20:57free body culture
20:59is the way
20:59it must have points
21:00for that
21:00how do you know
21:01about FKK
21:01I just know
21:02I know about it
21:03it's famous
21:04in the 30s
21:05wasn't it
21:05there's a lot
21:06of nudism
21:07until Hitler
21:08I know some stuff
21:09yes I know you do
21:10I was just interested
21:10no Goering in particular
21:11of all the
21:12high echelon Nazis
21:13loathed nudism
21:14and spoke out
21:15against it
21:15and said
21:16that a police
21:16must be trained
21:17to stop anybody
21:18going naked
21:18but after that period
21:19which must not be mentioned
21:22sprang up again
21:22and now in Switzerland
21:23and places
21:24where there's an open border
21:25in Poland for example
21:27hordes of naked German hikers
21:29are crossing the border
21:30and going hiking
21:30and the Poles don't like it
21:32the Swiss hate it
21:33they all find it disgusting
21:34they love it in Germany
21:35don't they
21:35and not only of course
21:36in beaches
21:37but in the centre of Munich
21:38the English garden
21:39the Englischer Garten
21:39has a nudist area
21:40and the biggest park
21:42in Berlin
21:42the Tiergarten
21:43has a nudist area too
21:44can't really imagine
21:45Hyde Park
21:46having a nude area
21:47can you
21:47can you
21:48because if you're a naturist
21:50in this country
21:50I mean it's just
21:52you're on a hiding
21:52to nothing aren't you
21:53it's not really
21:54the country for it
21:55it's not
21:55no it's not
21:56it's not
21:56it's not
21:56you're asking for punishment
21:57I mean Germany does
21:58have decent summers
21:59doesn't it
22:00yeah it does
22:01you know
22:01if it doesn't
22:02it just expands
22:02to somewhere
22:03where the summers have been
22:13if I was a nudist
22:14what I'd do
22:14I'd go nude
22:15but just for a laugh
22:16just before I left the caravan
22:17I'd just get a little bit
22:18of tissue paper
22:19and stick it
22:22see how long
22:23see how long
22:24before someone mentioned it
22:26I play brain volleyball
22:30who wants to come
22:31for a smoothie
22:32come on
22:33I'm buying
22:35so they go
22:35Sean
22:36you've got
22:36what
22:40anyway
22:41knacked put service
22:42is the popular
22:43German practice
22:44of hiring students
22:44to clean your house
22:45in the nude
22:45it's all in the finest
22:46tradition of the home
22:48of modern nudism
22:49what's the most
22:50repeated TV show
22:52of all time
22:53Top Gear
22:57there's not a time of day
22:59when it is not possible
23:00to watch
23:01Top Gear
23:02it's true
23:03it is on
23:04and it's always a different one
23:06ah
23:06but this one is one program
23:09one show that's the one show
23:11it's the most repeated show
23:12it's a German show
23:13it's a British comedian
23:14two British comedians
23:15the Duchess
23:15sorry
23:16it's called the Duchess
23:17or something like that
23:18I think you know what I'm referring to
23:19yeah
23:19the waiter
23:20or lady somebody
23:22it's
23:23yeah
23:24it's a British comic
23:24being a waiter
23:25to a posh
23:26it's called Dinner for One
23:28that's right
23:28and it's shown
23:29on every channel
23:31in Germany
23:32on December the 31st
23:34every year
23:35and has been since
23:361972
23:37oh and I know who's in it as well
23:39yes
23:39Freddie Frinton
23:40Freddie Frinton
23:41you're right
23:42plays a butler
23:43who has to
23:45serve a Christmas dinner
23:46for his mistress
23:48played by May Ward
23:49who's rather mad and old
23:50and pretend that there are other people there
23:52and he pours out drinks
23:53and gets drunk himself
23:54you can see a bit of it
23:55here you are
24:15you know
24:15all right
24:16it's broad humour
24:16but it was
24:18yeah
24:19it's all very well
24:19in its own way
24:20but what's going on with it
24:22every single channel
24:23every single year
24:24it's become a cult
24:24it's unavoidable in Germany
24:25they have parties for it
24:27it's just a tradition
24:28it was a sketch done in 1920
24:30they used to do it
24:31you know
24:31on the halls
24:32and all around the other places
24:33like that
24:34and a German TV presenter
24:36saw it in 1963
24:37and thought it was amusing
24:38and said
24:38come and do it on German television
24:40so they did it on German television once
24:41then they did it again to record it
24:43in 1972 they showed it
24:45and they've showed it ever since
24:46and it's become so popular
24:47I think
24:48to get the Germans their credit
24:49they laugh as much ironically at it
24:51as we would
24:52if we saw it
24:52it's just
24:53one of those things
24:54that happens to have become
24:55an extraordinary tradition
24:57I was born in Denmark
24:58and it's spread to Denmark
24:59and Austria
25:00and all around Europe
25:01is there any dialogue at all?
25:03so yeah
25:03this line
25:03the same procedure as last year
25:05Miss Sophie
25:05and she says
25:06the same procedure as last year
25:08James
25:08and then at the very end
25:10when she's going up to bed
25:12and she says
25:12the same procedure as last year
25:13she says
25:14I'll do my best
25:14so
25:15that's the sort of lunch line
25:17I'm quite glad
25:18we've got the greatest escape
25:19over here
25:21that's our tradition
25:22if you might exactly argue this
25:24not on every channel
25:24not on every channel
25:25I agree
25:26it is pretty extreme
25:27it's almost impossible to avoid
25:28Dinner for One
25:29with Freddy Frinton
25:30anyway
25:31what did Uncle Wiggly Wings
25:33ever do for Germany?
25:35sounds like a children's character
25:36Uncle Wiggly Wings
25:38well he was someone
25:39who helped children
25:39what are we looking at here
25:41we're looking from a high point
25:42down on children
25:43abandoned orphans
25:44calling the helicopter
25:46to please airlift me out of here
25:47airlift is a good word
25:49stick with the word airlift
25:50what does airlift in Germany
25:51bring to mind?
25:52the Berlin airlift
25:53the war
25:54no it doesn't
25:56it's not the war
25:59no it's the Cold War
26:01the Cold War you can mention
26:03when they blockaded
26:06Berlin
26:06yes the Russians
26:08completely closed off
26:09the city of Berlin
26:10which was in their sector
26:11the eastern sector
26:12in 1948
26:13and for over a year
26:15Berlin was completely cut off
26:17from the rest of the world
26:18and so they dropped food
26:20millions of tons of food
26:21the Americans
26:22the British
26:23and so on
26:23dropped it
26:24and there was an American pilot
26:26who had two sticks of gum
26:27and he gave it to some kids
26:28and he said
26:29if you'd share it amongst each other
26:30I'll come back tomorrow
26:31and I'll give you more candy
26:33and so when he flew over
26:34the last time
26:35he wiggled his wings
26:36over them
26:36and dropped some chocolate
26:37and he'd do this each day
26:38more and more children came
26:39and it took on
26:40and became a huge propaganda coup
26:42for every year
26:42and it was called
26:44Operation Little Vittles
26:45and children in America
26:47provided their own candy
26:48and of course the candy
26:50corporations caught on
26:51and huge tonnage
26:53of sweets
26:54it sounds lovely
26:55but do you imagine
26:56a Terry's chocolate orange
26:59heading down at you
27:00at great speed
27:01but you see what that boy's
27:02holding out there
27:03he's the little hanky
27:04style parachutes
27:04that's no match
27:05for the Terry's chocolate orange
27:08of course the chocolate orange
27:09could have landed
27:10like the bouncing bomb
27:11that it did in the wall
27:12oh no no no
27:15that's not
27:16that's not
27:16that's not
27:17if the chocolate orange
27:19if the chocolate orange
27:21were to land
27:22like a bouncing bomb
27:23that would be a good thing
27:24because if you hit it
27:25it would go
27:26boom
27:27it would just open up
27:29nicely wouldn't it
27:30oh it would be gorgeous
27:312,223,000 tons
27:34of supplies were dropped
27:36not in the one go
27:37not no over
27:38because that would have
27:39just buried them
27:41over a year
27:42that's the airlift itself
27:45during the Berlin airlift
27:46American pilot
27:47Gail Halverson
27:48used handkerchief parachutes
27:49to drop sweets
27:50to the children of Berlin
27:51he was known as
27:51Uncle Wiggly Wings
27:53what's bound to happen
27:54eventually when you get
27:55into an argument
27:56on the internet
27:57imagine you'd go away
27:58at some point
27:59and have a word with yourself
28:00and go why am I
28:00wasting my life
28:03there's plenty of people
28:04I can have an argument
28:05with outside
28:06it's one of the most
28:07dispiriting views of the world
28:09isn't it
28:09an internet message board
28:10when you see
28:11what some people
28:13will write
28:14and how worked up
28:15they'll get
28:15about this one
28:16well you
28:18it just shows
28:19that you're
28:20and all the other
28:22have been
28:23with their own
28:24for the last
28:25why don't you
28:27sounds like they've got
28:28a problem with their keyboard
28:38well there's a thing
28:39called Godwin's rule
28:41do you know this
28:42it's called
28:43Godwin's rule
28:44of Nazi analogies
28:45it basically says
28:46that as an online
28:47discussion grows longer
28:49the probability
28:50of a comparison
28:51involving Nazis
28:51or Hitler
28:52approaches one
28:53and it actually
28:55happened
28:57eventually someone
28:58will say
28:58that's what Hitler
28:59did
29:00or that's what the
29:00Nazis did
29:01or that argument
29:02do you see what I mean
29:03and there is a sort
29:05of unwritten rule
29:06that the moment that
29:07happens that thread is
29:08over
29:08that ends it
29:09and that the person
29:10who uses that
29:11pathetic analogy
29:12is deemed to have
29:13lost the argument
29:13imagine if you're having
29:14an internet discussion
29:15about the founding
29:17of the Nazi party
29:18well that obviously
29:18would be an exception
29:20he started off
29:21and you're right
29:22that's it
29:24I'm just trying
29:24to get a nice
29:25discussion going
29:26I think that
29:27will be allowed
29:27and who's this
29:29Godwin then
29:30well he's
29:30General Counsel
29:31of the Wikimedia
29:31Foundation
29:31but it's a very
29:32very apt
29:33and intelligent
29:34observation
29:34any argument
29:35deteriorates
29:36to that point
29:37you might as well
29:37end it
29:38because it's nearly
29:39always inappropriate
29:40people will say
29:41Hitler liked that
29:42therefore it's bad
29:43or Hitler
29:44didn't like that
29:45therefore it's good
29:46you know
29:46Hitler for example
29:48was massively opposed
29:49to fox hunting
29:49he thought it was
29:50cruel and terrible
29:52so he banned it
29:52so no therefore
29:54it must be right
29:55because it
29:55you know
29:56that's just a mad
29:56argument
29:57oh my god
29:58look at his socks
29:58hey
30:01that's what Hitler
30:02whoa
30:05that's not the argument
30:08but you see
30:09he's brought in
30:09Hitler to prove
30:10that your socks are bad
30:12yeah
30:12yeah but I feel
30:13in the broader picture
30:14I've come off the worst
30:15out of this
30:15yeah
30:17reductio ad Hitlerum
30:18it's called
30:19are you saying
30:20he looks like a knob
30:21it
30:21well
30:22yeah so you're
30:23saying Hitler
30:23looks like a knob
30:24now
30:24he looks like
30:26he's turning around
30:27someone saying
30:28look I'm ready
30:28are you
30:30you've been hours
30:31getting dressed
30:31let's just go out
30:32you know that
30:36well listen
30:36say what you like
30:37about him
30:37great socks
30:38yeah
30:39true
30:40yeah
30:40fine fine socks
30:42yes Godwin's law
30:43states that
30:44as an online discussion
30:45grows longer
30:46the probability
30:46of a comparison
30:47involving Nazis
30:48or Hitler
30:49approach is one
30:49how would you use
30:51a monopoly set
30:51to escape
30:52from a prison camp
30:53I can see how you
30:55might use a buckaroo
30:59just fly out
31:00over the fence
31:01I mean you'd probably
31:02just keep ending up
31:03on the barbed wire
31:04like that
31:05again
31:06try it with the bucket
31:08there
31:08is it the other
31:09covering up the hole
31:10with it
31:11well
31:11like in Shawshank
31:12no there was a man
31:13whose nickname was
31:14Clutty
31:15Clutty Hutton
31:15who in Britain
31:16bought up lots of
31:18monopoly boards
31:19and turned them
31:19into escape kits
31:20that he then set up
31:22through MI9
31:22with these pretend
31:24charities
31:24so you'd get out of
31:26jail free cards
31:35that's a very good idea
31:38it was
31:38no what was brilliant
31:40hidden in the monopoly
31:41board were incredibly
31:42useful things
31:43like a small dog
31:45tiny hat
31:47and a little ship
31:48there would be real money
31:51interspersed with the
31:51monopoly money
31:52there would be maps
31:53on silk
31:54because they obviously
31:55tried it on paper
31:56it's too bulky
31:56and rustly
31:57but on silk
31:58on parachute silk
31:59you'd get an enormous
32:00amount of detail
32:00on tiny
32:01that's an example
32:02of his earlier work
32:03putting a compass
32:04in a military tunic
32:05button
32:06the Germans got wise
32:07to this
32:07they'd unscrew them
32:08eat the buttons
32:09and they'd see it
32:09so then they reversed
32:10the thread
32:10so when the Germans
32:11unscrewed it
32:12they in fact
32:12tightened the button
32:13then they got wise
32:14to that
32:14so then he used
32:15razor blades
32:17which were magnetised
32:18at one end
32:19so that when they
32:19were attached
32:20to something metal
32:20they would spin around
32:21with the G of Gillette
32:22would point north
32:23which was very good
32:24so they were well
32:24disguised
32:25they said
32:25they said now look
32:25we put the normal
32:26thread on
32:28old kraut
32:29he's unscrewing it
32:30then what we've done
32:31is we've put it
32:32the other way
32:32so when he's unscrewing
32:34it
32:34he's actually tightening
32:35it
32:35now we've got a step
32:36further
32:37we've done one here
32:37you can't get the top
32:38off
32:42isn't there a floor
32:42in that sir
32:44don't complicate it
32:45don't complicate it
32:46Perkins
32:46no one's going to see
32:47this bloody compass
32:48that's for sure
32:49give it a try
32:50you won't get it off
32:51in many ways
32:52it's become
32:53what I call
32:53a button
32:54if I was a German
32:59camp commandant
33:00I'd have made them
33:01all wear duffel coats
33:04if it was me
33:05if I was in charge
33:06I would have started
33:07shipping out
33:08giant Jengas
33:09would you
33:10well then you just
33:11build them
33:12you know the Jengas
33:13you get in pub gardens
33:14just massive ones
33:15just hop over the fence
33:18brilliant
33:18if only you'd been
33:19in charge
33:20or snakes and ladders
33:22but with actual ladders
33:25yes
33:27and real snakes
33:28who would scare the Germans
33:30scare the Germans
33:31good British snakes
33:33who didn't like the look
33:34of a German soldier
33:35and would go up to them
33:36and go
33:38what about if they gave them
33:40toy tanks
33:40but really big ones
33:41and they could just
33:42go and turn around
33:44and go
33:45take this Jerry
33:45what if they were to
33:48send the prisoners
33:49of war
33:50very long socks
33:51and concealed
33:52inside of the socks
33:53are big files
33:55to file down the bars
33:57well they said
33:58the blankets
33:58which when wettened
33:59gave the outline
34:00of a great coat
34:01which they could cut out
34:03so it was like
34:03a tailor's template
34:04to make a great coat with
34:05and pens with hidden
34:07sacks of dyeing
34:08to make them
34:08in different colours
34:09and claim cards
34:10so when you threw them
34:11in water
34:11they peeled aside
34:12to have money in them
34:14it's really clever stuff
34:15double laminated
34:16I can't believe
34:16the Germans gave them
34:17their post after a while
34:18well they didn't know
34:20obviously they had to
34:21hide the fact
34:21they got all that
34:22anyway
34:23monopoly boards
34:24were amongst
34:25the ordinary items
34:26which were sent
34:26to help escaping prisoners
34:27but now it's time
34:28to navigate our way
34:29through the hostile territory
34:30of General von Ignorance
34:32so fingers on buzzers
34:34if you please
34:35who wrote
34:36Brian's Head Revisited?
34:39it's Eve in War
34:46sorry
34:48that was um
34:49yes
34:51of course you did
34:52Eve in War
34:52Brian said
34:53of course he did
34:53of course he did
34:54I was just checking
34:55whether or not
34:55you'd remember
34:55not to mention Wars
34:56it's not pronounced by that
34:57is it
34:57Eve in Woff
34:58if only it were
34:59but firstly
35:00what breed of dog
35:01is this in fact
35:04yeah
35:04a German shepherd
35:06is the right answer
35:07you avoided saying
35:08Alsatians
35:09they used to be
35:09called Alsatians
35:10until
35:10they became
35:11German shepherds
35:15until 1977
35:17yeah
35:17it was the first
35:18world war thing
35:19this whole business
35:20of not liking anything
35:21with the word
35:21German in it
35:22is that why
35:22it was stopped
35:23really
35:23yeah
35:23it was that reason
35:24that anything
35:25with the name
35:25German in it
35:26was sort of
35:26taboo for long
35:27so they were
35:28called
35:29Alsatian wolfhounds
35:29and then the wolfhound
35:30was dropped
35:31and they were called
35:31Alsatians
35:32we used to have one
35:33did you
35:33nice
35:34frenzy
35:35yeah it was lovely
35:35but it did kill
35:36next door's dog
35:37ah
35:40whoops
35:42and when it happened
35:43did you say
35:43well he's never done
35:44that before
35:46you had to go to court
35:48didn't you
35:48over all that
35:49yeah
35:49and then you had to go
35:52to prison
35:52didn't you
35:53and then I sent you
35:54some monopoly
35:58happy days
35:59yeah
36:00the term Alsatian
36:01the term Alsatian
36:02was coined
36:02the term Alsatian was coined
36:02in 1918
36:02but the Schäferhund
36:04officially reverted
36:05to being a German shepherd
36:06in 1977
36:07a trip to the Munich
36:10Oktoberfest
36:10might be nice
36:11when would be the best
36:12time to go
36:12September
36:13yes
36:14it's not October
36:15it occasionally leaks
36:16into October
36:17depending on the way
36:18the months are
36:19sort of
36:19you'd definitely leak
36:20if you drank all that
36:21well you certainly would
36:22it is possibly the world's
36:24largest regular festival
36:26or fair
36:27over 6 million people
36:29cram into it
36:30I didn't like it actually
36:31I spent one night there
36:32two nights there
36:32yeah
36:33and everyone was so drunk
36:34it was just
36:35it was idiotic
36:36it was these huge long tents
36:37full of pissed up Australians
36:40who I love
36:42they are
36:42they went to the World Cup
36:44in 98
36:45in France
36:46and in Bordeaux
36:47they built
36:48and it's sort of similar
36:49size to that
36:49in the middle of the town square
36:51they put temporary bars
36:52up
36:53and then Scotland
36:54played Norway
36:54and the Scots arrived
36:56and they drank more beer
36:57in the weekend
36:59than they normally
37:00drink in Bordeaux
37:01in a year
37:03every single one
37:04of these bars
37:05served only lager
37:06and there were no food
37:07stalls at all
37:08and no toilets
37:09oh
37:11it was unbelievable
37:13but it was one of the
37:14best nights of my life
37:16and then one of them
37:17went to me
37:18Alan
37:19right across the bar
37:20Alan
37:20Alan
37:21Alan
37:22Alan
37:23Partridge
37:29Partridge
37:30then he started
37:30then he started going
37:32aha
37:34aha
37:35aha
37:37every time I saw him
37:38for the rest of the night
37:39aha
37:44it was very funny
37:45yeah it's a huge huge event
37:48I mean they drink
37:486,940,600 litres of beer
37:53horrifying isn't it
37:54most of the Octoberfest
37:56takes place in September
37:57and knocks into a cocked hat
37:59the idea that Germans
38:00don't know how to have a good time
38:01now a musical question
38:03what's wrong with this
38:04cream coloured ponies
38:06and crisp apple strudels
38:07doorbells and sleigh bells
38:09and schnitzel with noodles
38:11schnitzel with noodles
38:12yes schnitzel with noodles
38:14schnitzel is almost never served with noodles
38:16it might be occasionally now
38:18simply because of the song
38:19but it basically rhymes with strudels
38:21let's be honest
38:22that's
38:22that's why
38:23could have had it with a poodle then
38:25yes
38:26you've ruined the film for a lot of people
38:28I'm sorry
38:30I hope not
38:31the magic
38:31I mustn't tell my kids that
38:32no please don't
38:34it's a wonderful song
38:34and who wrote the lyrics
38:36it was Rogers and Hammer
38:37the lyrics were therefore
38:39Oscar Hammerstein
38:40the second
38:41yes
38:42how does the film end
38:43there it is
38:44they sing
38:45farewell
38:45don't they get
38:46over the border
38:48and where do they get to
38:49supposedly into
38:50Switzerland
38:50well actually
38:51why in Bavaria
38:53in quite near
38:54Hitler's private house
38:58Hitler's sitting down
38:59to have supper
38:59and his family
39:01singing about goat herds
39:03arrives
39:04it's all very odd
39:05but there's the border
39:05there's Salzburg
39:06there's Bavaria
39:07in fact what the family did do
39:08you're right
39:09they walked the hundred
39:11kilometres all the way down to
39:12you see where Innsbruck is
39:13down towards the Italian border
39:15that's the way they did it
39:16the Italian border was conveniently open
39:18they very luckily got there
39:19the day before
39:20the Italian border was closed
39:21so it was very fortunate
39:23so it's a little bit artistic licence
39:25but it's worth it
39:25of course
39:26one of the great masterpieces
39:27of popular culture
39:30good
39:30now lastly
39:31what happens in Germany
39:32at 1111
39:34on the 11th of November
39:35every year
39:36everything carries on
39:37as normal
39:41no there is something special
39:42happens
39:4311th of September
39:4411th of November
39:461111 on the 11th of November
39:47phone rings
39:48and the British Prime Minister
39:49says
39:52we won
39:59which war though
40:01which war
40:01yeah well it is of course
40:02we celebrate it on the 11th
40:04the 11th
40:05the armistice of the First World War
40:06but they don't celebrate the armistice
40:08not surprisingly
40:09they have a much older celebration
40:11that takes place there
40:12oddly enough
40:12it's their carnival
40:13and it runs all the way
40:15from the 11th of November
40:15right through to Ash Wednesday
40:17and it's a huge
40:18as I say
40:19it goes on
40:19I mean it starts quite slowly
40:20in November
40:21there's December
40:22and there's Christmas
40:23and then through January
40:24and then reaches fever pitch
40:25at the time of Mardi Gras
40:26and carnival
40:28what does carnival mean
40:29the word carnival
40:30do you know
40:30eating valerie
40:32well carne is
40:34carne is meat
40:35yeah
40:35there's an incorrect belief
40:37that it means goodbye to meat
40:38vale
40:39as in you know
40:40valediction
40:40but it actually means
40:41carne leware
40:42to leave the meat
40:43literally
40:44to remove meat
40:45from your diet
40:46carnival season in German
40:47officially begins
40:48at 1111
40:49on the 11th day
40:50of the 11th month
40:50every year
40:51resistance has proved
40:53futile
40:54and for us
40:54the game is over
40:55all that remains
40:56is for the scores
40:57to be meted out
40:58and yes
41:00in first place
41:01our fluent German speaker
41:03ha
41:04with a magnificent
41:05a magnificent
41:06minus 6
41:08Joe Brand
41:15and
41:17auf Platz 2
41:20mit
41:21minus 7
41:22Rob Reiden
41:31auf Platz 3
41:33mit
41:34minus
41:3436
41:36Alan Davis
41:42auf dem
41:45letzten Platz
41:47Gott in Himmel
41:49mit
41:49mit
41:50minus
41:53minus
41:5476
41:55Sean Lock
41:57Thank you
42:08as I'm sure you know
42:09it was minus 76
42:11possibly a record
42:12so it's
42:13Auf Wiedersehen
42:14und gute Nacht
42:14von dieser QI
42:15Ausgabe
42:16und von Rob
42:17Sean
42:17Joe
42:17Alan
42:18und mir
42:19I leave
42:19with a story
42:20about the
42:20Bloomsbury
42:21group writer
42:21Lytton
42:22Strachey
42:23who was
42:24a confirmed
42:25bachelor
42:26an
42:26esthete
42:27and also
42:28a conscientious
42:28objector
42:29and a pacifist
42:30and he appeared
42:30before the
42:31conscientious
42:32objection board
42:33and they
42:34were obviously
42:35going to quiz him
42:36on whether or not
42:36he truly was
42:37or was just a coward
42:38trying to get out
42:38of serving
42:39they said
42:39Mr. Strachey
42:40are you married
42:40no
42:41he said
42:42well they said
42:43well do you have a sister
42:43he said yes I do
42:44have a sister
42:45they said well
42:46suppose a german soldier
42:47came and
42:48tried to rape her
42:50what would you do
42:50he said well in that case
42:51I would endeavour
42:53to place myself
42:54between them
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