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Fibber McGee and Molly was a long-running American radio comedy series starring real-life married couple Jim and Marian Jordan as the titular characters. The show, which ran from 1935 to 1959, was known for its running gags, most famously Fibber's hall closet, from which a cascade of objects would fall, and for its eccentric cast of supporting characters who visited the couple at their home at 79 Wistful Vista. It became one of the most popular shows of the 1940s, with tens of millions of listeners tuning in each week.
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00:00The Johnson's Wax Program with Fibber McGee and Molly.
00:11The makers of Johnson's Wax Products for Home and Industry present Fibber McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon,
00:17Arthur Q. Bryan, and me, Harlow Wilcox.
00:19The script is by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie. Music by the King's Men and Billy Mills Orchestra.
00:33Fibber and Molly join us in just a moment.
00:36Wistful Vista's annual contest on I Like to Patronize My Neighborhood Merchants Because is over.
00:42And guess who knocked out a prize-winning letter?
00:45The notification has just arrived in the morning mail, and...
00:48Nope, it wasn't him.
00:50It was her, of Fibber McGee and Molly.
01:00McGee, McGee, I won, I won.
01:02Isn't that exciting?
01:03I won a prize.
01:04Imagine, the first contest I ever won, dearie.
01:06Well, gee, that's wonderful, kiddo.
01:08Congratulations.
01:08Sure.
01:09We'll sell the electric refrigerator because we already got one.
01:11What?
01:11We'll keep the car and sell our old one.
01:13You keep the mink coat and I'll learn to fly the airplane.
01:16We can take the trip to Honolulu while they paint the house and refurnish the living room.
01:19Now, McGee, wait a minute.
01:20Huh?
01:20I didn't win all that stuff.
01:22I just won a new one.
01:23What do you mean, all that stuff?
01:25Why, that's hardly anything in a contest these days.
01:29And if that Ralph Edwards thinks he's going to renege on all them promises by George...
01:33This was not truth or consequences.
01:35Huh?
01:35This was the annual Whistful Vista I like to patronize my neighborhood merchant because, in 25 words or less.
01:43Oh, that.
01:45What's the first prize in that vacant lottery?
01:49Trip by motor scooter through the fish hatchery?
01:52I should say not.
01:54Listen to my award.
01:55It says, this letter entitled you as winner of the first prize in the women's division to an original Easter
02:02creation by Henri.
02:03Wistful Vista's leading couturier.
02:06Isn't that marvelous?
02:08Who's Henri and what does he mean in the original Easter creation?
02:11What's he going to do, lay a purple egg?
02:16For your information, sweetheart, the word couturier means fashion designer.
02:20Huh?
02:20Oh?
02:21It's from the French words couturier, meaning dressmaker, and rie, meaning we'll sew some sequins on it for another $700.
02:32Oh, that Henri.
02:34Yes, isn't it wonderful?
02:35Oh, yeah.
02:36A special Easter dress created just for me by Henri himself.
02:40I think I'll tell him I'll...
02:41Come in.
02:43Oh, it's Mr. Williams, the weatherman, McGee.
02:46Hello, Mr. Williams.
02:47Hello, Mrs. McGee.
02:48Hi, foggy old man.
02:49What's the weather forecast?
02:50Light flurries of sunshine followed by Wednesday and Thursday and unsettled bills on the first of the month?
02:57McGee, I'm afraid you take the science of meteorology rather lightly.
03:01He does, Mr. Williams.
03:03He says he can look at an almanac and tell what the weather is going to be better than depending
03:07on you people.
03:08Then I can, too.
03:09I'm part Indian, you know.
03:11Really?
03:12What part?
03:16The part that sits around the fire.
03:26Are Indians good weather prophets, Mr. Williams?
03:29Oh, yes, yes, indeed they are.
03:31Yeah, eh?
03:31Some Indian tribes have uncanny powers of weather forecasting.
03:35Yeah?
03:35I spent three years with the Camelback Indians of western Arizona, and I'm still mystified.
03:40Yeah?
03:40Every year when they performed their rain dance, it rained within 24 hours.
03:45Oh, that's easy explained.
03:47They just waited for a rainy day and then held the dance the day before.
03:52Oh, I don't know, McGee.
03:54Some things aren't so easily explained.
03:56Yeah?
03:56Now, I'm not superstitious, but I went to a St. Valentine's dance once, and the next day I got 12
04:02valentines.
04:08Did the Indians make you a member of the tribe, Mr. Williams?
04:11After I'd studied very hard and learned all their dances, Mrs. McGee.
04:15Then they adopted me and gave me the name, Ma-na-ho-din-din-din-ma-na-kil-ben-a
04:19-la-ma-ra-na-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-fla.
04:25Meaning what?
04:27Clumsy.
04:31Show us how they did the rain dance, Mr. Williams, will you?
04:33Well, I'd be glad to, Mrs. McGee, but I can't dance it without a tom-tom.
04:37Oh, that's easy fixed.
04:38Here, I'll drum on the radio, Captain.
04:40All set?
04:41Mm-hmm.
04:41Go.
04:44Oh, that's the rain dance.
04:50Oh, my gosh, listen to that.
05:07Rain.
05:08I'm sorry.
05:09I'm a little out of practice, and I guess I overdid it a trifle.
05:14I'd better get home and phone the Bureau what happened.
05:17I'm afraid I might have exceeded my authority.
05:20Okay.
05:28Wasn't that the most amazing thing you ever saw, McGee?
05:31He did the rain dance, and it rained.
05:32Oh, I don't know.
05:33My cousin Louie learned to foxtrot one night, and on the way home, he got bit by a fox.
05:38Ha, ha, ha.
05:39So he said, hey.
05:42If we're going to get down with this dressmaker's, we'd better snap into it, kiddo.
05:45We?
05:45Are you going with me?
05:46Why, certainly.
05:47You think I'm going to have some monkey try to palm off a boulder burlap on my wife that
05:51just won first prize in the women's division?
05:53Come on, get your hat.
05:54Well, I'm so glad you're coming with me, because you have such good taste in other people's clothes.
05:59Yeah.
06:00I'll be right with you, dear.
06:01Okay, Tootsie.
06:02Ha, ha, ha.
06:02There goes a good kid.
06:04Imagine her slinking around town in a real Paris creation.
06:07I'll bet you...
06:08Uh-oh.
06:09Now, come in.
06:11Hi, mister.
06:12Oh, hello there, Teenie.
06:13I can't talk to you now.
06:15I and Mrs. McGee are going shopping.
06:16Okay, mister.
06:18Boy, did you hear the car burst, mister?
06:20Did you?
06:21Hear it.
06:22I played the accompaniment for it.
06:25Well, it sure was a...
06:27Huh?
06:27Skip it.
06:28Okay.
06:29My daddy said it was raining cats and dogs for a few minutes, but...
06:32I ran right outdoors, but I couldn't see any.
06:36Looked to me just like ordinary rain.
06:41It did, eh?
06:43Boy, it...
06:44Huh?
06:47I says it did, eh?
06:48Did what?
06:49Looked just like ordinary rain.
06:50Whom, too?
06:51To you.
06:51When?
06:52When it started to rain so hard a few minutes ago and you went out...
06:54I know it.
06:58Oh, gee.
06:59I hope it clears up from Easter, Esther.
07:02Huh?
07:02I said I hope it clears up for Easter, mister.
07:05Oh.
07:07Huh?
07:09I said, oh.
07:10You got big plans for Easter, sister?
07:12Oh, I sure have, I betcha.
07:14First thing in the morning, I'm going to feed Susie some carrots and lettuce.
07:17Who?
07:18Susie.
07:19Oh, your pet rabbit, eh?
07:20No, Susie's my little sister.
07:21Huh?
07:23She hates vegetables.
07:25Oh, I see.
07:25Then after Sunday school, I'm going to take my paint box and creep into my daddy's bedroom
07:30and paint him all red and green and orange and purple and everything.
07:36I hope I can do it without waking him up, I betcha.
07:39Well, that seems like kind of a messy trick to play on your father on Easter Sunday, sis.
07:42What's the idea?
07:43Well, mister, I just got thinking it over.
07:45He's awful good to me.
07:47Well, yeah, but that's all the more reason why...
07:48Well, I just thought to myself, teeny, I thought...
07:51Uh-huh.
07:51Why don't you paint your daddy some pretty colors so he'll look nice for Easter?
07:55Oh.
07:56He's been such a good egg.
07:59Oh, it's tough raining now, mister.
08:01So long.
08:01So long.
08:13Come on, McGee.
08:13Here's Henri.
08:14Oh.
08:15My goodness, I'm so anxious to get in there.
08:17Yeah, but hey, he can't be doing much business.
08:19He's only got one dress in the window.
08:21Down at the bond town, they got 50 of them.
08:22I don't see why...
08:23Oh, hi there, old-timer.
08:25Hello there, kids.
08:26Hey, what you doing downtown?
08:28Well, I'm getting a new dress for Easter, Mr. Old-timer.
08:31I suppose you'll be out Sunday morning to join the Easter parade?
08:34Oh, I sure will, daughter.
08:37I love parades.
08:39Steamed calliopes, tootling fellows with red coats and boat hooks and elephants.
08:43Sure brings back memories.
08:45Used to be with a circus, you know, till my feet got burned to bad.
08:49Well, how did your feet get burned so bad?
08:52Well, they used to shoot me out of a cannon, and one day they used too much gunpowder.
08:58You mean they fired you, and then you quit.
09:06Son, it was no joke and matter.
09:09No?
09:10I had a feeling something was wrong that sultry afternoon in Fort Wayne, Indiana in July 1889.
09:16I crawled down into the cannon while the crowds cheered.
09:19Then I heard the fellow pouring in the gunpowder, the scratch of a match, and boom.
09:24Boom.
09:27Yeah?
09:28Next thing I knew, I was 8,000 feet over Cleveland, Ohio, headed north, northeast, with my shoes
09:33burned off and three friends back in my dressing room waiting to play pinochle.
09:40Spoiled the whole game.
09:41Yeah.
09:42Be that as it may, and speaking of parades as I was, I used to carry the front of the
09:46bass
09:46drum, too.
09:47Yeah?
09:47But I had to give that up too hard on my ears.
09:50Oh, yes, they're pretty noisy, all right.
09:52No, the noise didn't bother me, but the fellow that walked behind and played the drum had such
09:56long arms he liked to beat my ears off.
10:02You should have stood in bed and pounded your own ear.
10:09Hey, that's pretty good, Johnny, but that ain't the way I heard it.
10:14The way I heard it, one fellow says, the other fellow says, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, say,
10:20seen my wife lately, she's had her face lifted.
10:23Is that so?
10:24Says tell the fellow.
10:25Now, who'd ever steal a thing like that?
10:37Well, let's go in and order my Easter creation, dearie.
10:40I'm so impatient.
10:41I wonder what Henri will want to make for me.
10:44Come on.
10:47Wow.
10:48What a shop.
10:49Some stuff.
10:50Wow.
10:51Is this an extra thick carpet, or is this joint built on quicksand?
10:54I'm in it up to my ankles, Molly.
10:56I can't...
10:56McGee.
10:57Huh?
10:57Look.
10:57Huh?
10:58Mrs. McDonald and those other women over there.
11:00Huh?
11:01What are they staring at me for?
11:02Is my slip shown or something?
11:06No, and even if it was and you were wearing army boots, you'd still look better than any
11:09of them biddies.
11:12Look at them whispering.
11:14Talk about cats.
11:15I'm glad I ain't carrying a can of salmon.
11:18Bet you bye, George, there, Rick.
11:20Oh, bonjour, madonna, monsieur.
11:22You are perhaps wishing an appointment with the great Henri, non?
11:26Look, sis.
11:28It's been 30 years since I was in France, and my Parle Francais has lost some of its boo.
11:36Now, let's keep this in broken English, shall we?
11:39Oh, monsieur is pleased to make a joke.
11:42Oh, your husband, madame, in a très jolly.
11:45Oh, you ought to see him at a party with mayonnaise in his hair.
11:50Trying to flip a spoon into a water glass.
11:53Oh, miss, I'd like to see Henri, please.
11:55Tell him Mr. and Mrs. Fibber McGee want to see him.
11:58Yeah, my wife won the contest, sis.
11:59Henri's going to whip her up something for Easter.
12:01Oh, oh, madame McGee.
12:03Yes.
12:04Oh, may we, madame.
12:06Henri didn't expect you.
12:08He is at the moment in conference, but I was hearing that you are here.
12:11Oh, well, I'm sorry you didn't like the idea, Henri.
12:13I thought it was a pretty clever stunt myself.
12:15McGee, look, it's Mr. Wilcox.
12:17Hello, Mr. Wilcox.
12:18Who?
12:18Oh, hi, Junior.
12:20Well, what are you two doing down here?
12:21I brought Molly down to have a dress designed for Easter, Junior.
12:24What's your excuse?
12:24Oh, I had a great idea for Henri, pal, but he can't see it.
12:28Oh.
12:28And he's supposed to pride himself on being original.
12:31Well, maybe he likes to think them up himself, Mr. Wilcox.
12:34Say, you don't mean you're designing dresses for him.
12:36No, I just had an idea for a material, Molly.
12:39One of those prints that are so popular for spring.
12:41I think it'd be wonderful for hostess gowns particularly.
12:44And I'd call it the hospitality print.
12:46Oh, that sounds good, Junior.
12:48Weavish yard or two.
12:49Well, it'll be a series of tiny scenes, you see.
12:52First, a print of a housewife looking dejected, sort of downcast,
12:55with a section of dingy-looking linoleum.
12:57Oh.
12:58Then a picture of a can of Johnson's self-polishing glow coat,
13:01and the words, no rubbing, no buffing.
13:03Then along the side of the gown would be the same housewife smiling,
13:06and the same linoleum, but with a high, glistening glow coat shine on it.
13:10The sort of beautiful new look that only Johnson's self-polishing glow coat
13:13can give your linoleum so easily.
13:15It'd be swell on that glazed chintz.
13:17But Mr. Wilcox...
13:18I figure he could line the gown in a contrasting color, you see.
13:22With a design, a design of cans of glow coat rampant on a field of gleaming faces.
13:27Oh.
13:28Indicating the happiness that glow coat brings,
13:30and the warm hospitality which would give the print its name.
13:33Yeah.
13:34Along the hem, he could embroider Harlow Wilcox, representative.
13:38Oh.
13:40And maybe my phone number.
13:42Oh.
13:42Nothing vulgar, you understand, just a small hand-worked signature that...
13:46Look, look, hey, hey, hey.
13:47Look, waxy.
13:48Yes, pal.
13:50Do me a favor, will you?
13:51I'd like to, pal, but I've got to go.
13:53That's it.
13:54Oh.
13:54So long, Molly.
14:02Well, I wonder when we'll see Henri, McGee.
14:04My goodness, I haven't been so nervous since graduation.
14:07Nervous?
14:07You know, the women in this town are just scared to death of him.
14:10Ah, apatah.
14:11No frilly little minuet-dancing ruffle-duster is going to scare us, kiddo.
14:14What's to be scared about?
14:15Well, they say he's terribly temperamental.
14:18Ah.
14:18If he doesn't like a customer...
14:19Monsieur Henri, we'll see you now, Madame.
14:21Please, just get this way.
14:23Announcing Monsieur and Madame McGee.
14:26Please.
14:26Andre, a civil play.
14:28Oui.
14:30Well, heavenly day.
14:31So you're Henri.
14:33You know this guy, Molly?
14:35Well, I should.
14:36Huh?
14:36Remember the night we went to the Western movie and the man next to me spilled his popcorn all
14:40over us?
14:41Well, this is him.
14:47And you're Miss McGee.
14:54Well, it sure is small world, ain't it?
14:57Howdy, McGee.
14:58Sit down.
14:59Say, it's a nice-looking suit you got on there.
15:01You like this suit, Henri?
15:02January clearance sale at the Bontan.
15:04Thirty-five bucks with two vests.
15:07I wear out a lot of vests because I'm an elk and my elk's tooth swings back and forth
15:10like a friend.
15:15I like the six buttons on the cuff, Henri.
15:17Hey, that's real tricky.
15:18I sure like the way that coat drapes, too.
15:20Well, I'm kind of fussy about how my coats hang around the chest, Hank.
15:23Not a bad-looking pair of pants you got on there, too, either.
15:25Them reverse pleats?
15:26Yep.
15:26I always wear reverse pleats.
15:28Get thick in the waist around my age and the pleats kind of soften up the outline.
15:33You wear belt or galluses?
15:35Suspenders.
15:37Me, too.
15:38The pants hang better.
15:40I, uh, I thought...
15:41I like that button-down shirt collar you got on there, too, Hank.
15:43That's nice.
15:44Well, thanks.
15:45It's mighty comfortable.
15:46Yeah.
15:46Oh, excuse me, Ms. McGee.
15:48Here's a magazine you can read while we talk.
15:50What?
15:51Well, I don't want to read a magazine.
15:53I came down here to get a dress designed, remember?
15:55Oh, my gosh.
15:55She did it that, Henri.
15:56Oh, sure.
15:57Well, now then, Ms. McGee, I'm going to design you something real pretty.
16:01Eloise, get me a bowl of that bengaline and whatever else is laying around out there,
16:06except Mrs. McDonald.
16:06And, uh, drive that dress for me in here.
16:09And, uh, hang up my beret, will you?
16:11Oui, Henri.
16:12Uh, bengaline and whatever else.
16:14Well, now, let me see, folks.
16:15Uh, take a look at these patterns.
16:17Here's one I've done for Ms. McDonald.
16:19She's the president of the Bank's wife.
16:20And she was real tickled with it.
16:22Liked it, did she?
16:23No, she hated it.
16:24Huh?
16:24Tickled her so much, she kept laughing in church.
16:28Kind of fuzzy material.
16:31Well, Hank, I think you and I are going to get along.
16:33Now, here's my idea for a dress for my wife.
16:36Now, suppose we take a few yards of decolet,
16:38sweep it up the shoulder in a sort of a percale bodice
16:40with a line gusset to offset the dirndl.
16:42Now, McGee, I don't think...
16:43Well, now, McGee, I sure would consider that idea a long time before I threw it out.
16:48Uh, Mabel, my pincushion.
16:50Okay, Ms. McGee, now take off your coat.
16:53Now, let me see here.
16:54I think maybe a nice suit, full skirt with a fitted jacket and some peplum.
17:08Now, then, Ms. McGee, we'll just pin it up a little higher on the left shoulder
17:11and drape it a little more around the left hip.
17:12There you are.
17:13Now, take a look in the mirror.
17:16Why, that's beautiful, Henri.
17:18Simply beautiful.
17:19Why, George.
17:19And all with a handful of cloth and a mouth full of pins.
17:23Well, that's going to make a mighty handsome suit, Henri.
17:25Well, thanks, folks.
17:26Glad you like it.
17:27At Eloise, take Ms. McGee's measurements.
17:29Sure, the best linings and buttons we got in the place.
17:32Now, you just trot along at the fitting room with Eloise, Ms. McGee.
17:35All right, thank you.
17:36Lead on, Eloise.
17:37Boy, you sure know your stuff, Hank, old man.
17:40Where'd you pick it up?
17:41You really from Paris?
17:43Twice.
17:44Huh?
17:45Yes, sir.
17:46I was born in Paris, Illinois and run me in a ladies' tailor shop in Paris, France in 1919.
17:50Oh.
17:51Lost my discharge papers, so I had to grow me a beard and get an accent and hide behind a
17:54dress
17:55worn seal.
17:56Then I found I had a talent for it, and here I am.
17:58Oh, what do you know?
17:59If I'm doing so good, I could afford to throw away the accent.
18:02How was the time of...
18:03Hello, Henri.
18:04I was just...
18:04Oh, hello, McGee.
18:06Hi, Doc.
18:06What are you doing here?
18:07Well, I always go through Henri's shop on my way to the hospital.
18:09It's a short cut.
18:10Oh?
18:10Out the back of the post office, through Joe's Coke and Smoke, through Henri's place,
18:14around the filling station, and there I am.
18:16Hospital.
18:16Mm-hmm.
18:17Mm-hmm.
18:18Well, how is it, Henri?
18:19Oh, just well, Doc.
18:20Have a chair and roll yourself a cigarette.
18:21Here, here's the makings.
18:23I haven't got time, thanks.
18:24Well, how's business with you, bag bitches?
18:28I understand you worked some miraculous cures at the hospital last month by taking a week off.
18:35That is a lie, and you know it.
18:37Those people would have gotten well anyhow.
18:41So, what are you doing in here?
18:42I'm going to have Henri make Molly an outfit for Easter.
18:44Hey, that's pretty expensive, isn't it?
18:46The best is none too good for my wife, boy.
18:49Expense is no object.
18:51Hardly.
18:53No, sir.
18:54It's only money.
18:55That's what I always say.
18:56Oh, brother, listen to little string saver.
19:01Rhinestone Jim Brady.
19:03You don't impress me, Pinchnickel.
19:06I happen to know you're so tight-fisted you didn't buy gloves all winter.
19:09You got out your golf clubs and used the mittens off your driver and your brassy.
19:14Oh, now, dog.
19:16Oh, let him talk, Hank.
19:17Let him rave.
19:18He ain't what you might call a swift man with a buck himself.
19:22The taxi drivers around town call him no-tip gamble, the man with the even change.
19:29I don't believe that, McGee.
19:31Oh, thanks, partner.
19:32Well, I look forward to seeing Molly in the Easter parade, Henri.
19:36Followed at five paces by our little Lucius Booby in that pinstripe awning he uses for a sport coat.
19:43I mean, the one with the belted back that ought to be belted right back to the sweatshop it came
19:47from.
19:48No, let's not get started on clothes again, fat boy.
19:52Incidentally, what do you do in a couple of weeks from now when Ringling Brothers start on the road and
19:56want their tents back?
19:59Well, I just want...
20:01Well, I guess everything is all set, Henri.
20:03And thank you very much.
20:04Come on, McGee.
20:05Let's...
20:05Oh, hello there, Dr. Gamble.
20:07Hello, my dear.
20:07Can I give you a lift as far as the front door?
20:09Oh, no, thank you, doctor.
20:11I just want to...
20:12Oh, excuse me, folks.
20:14Henri is speaking.
20:17Well, now, Miss McDonald, that's kind of an embarrassing question for me to ask.
20:20Ain't ethical.
20:21Mrs. McDonald, she's one of them women that was whispering about you when you came in, Molly.
20:24Probably wants to know if Henri has any material that'll make her complexion look like Molly's.
20:28Yeah.
20:28She has an epidermis that looks like it had been sprayed for fruit flies.
20:34Now you just hold the phone, Miss McDonald.
20:36Hey, uh, Miss McGee.
20:37Miss McDonald wants to know who made that dress you got on.
20:40She'll give me $500 to make her one just like it.
20:43Now, now, don't tell me if you don't want her.
20:46Tell him, kiddo.
20:47Should I tell him?
20:49Well, I made it myself, Henri.
20:51Yeah.
20:52When we needed slipcovers for the Davenport, McGee ordered too much material, so I used what
20:56was left for a drink.
20:57Yeah.
20:59Well, thanks.
21:00Uh, hello, Miss McDonald.
21:02That model was an original Sophie.
21:10That's right, and it can't be duplicated.
21:12I'm sorry, Miss McDonald.
21:13Well, I'll have your outfit ready for Easter, Miss McGee.
21:15Thank you, Henri.
21:16Hey, Doc.
21:17You want to get in the Easter parade with Molly and me?
21:19Molly can wear her new creation, and you and I will walk behind her carrying the Davenport,
21:22huh?
21:30Ladies and gentlemen, you probably know that the song Zippity-Doo-Dah won an Oscar during
21:35the recent Motion Picture Academy Awards.
21:37Yes, Ken Darby and our own King's Men featured it in Walt Disney's Song of the South, and we're
21:41very proud that tonight they sang the same arrangement that Ken made for the picture.
21:45A good boy.
21:46Good night.
21:47Good night, all.
21:59This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.
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