- 15 hours ago
The Jack Benny Program, starring Jack Benny, is a radio and television comedy series. The show ran for over three decades, from 1932 to 1955 on radio, and from 1950 to 1965 on television. It won numerous awards, including the 1959 and 1961 Emmy Awards for Best Comedy Series, and is generally regarded as a high-water mark in 20th-century American comedy.
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00:00Jack Benny program brought to you by Lipton tea the change of pace drink
00:09your change of pace and flavor and refreshment brisk Lipton tea
00:15thank you thank you very very much ladies and gentlemen and welcome to our show you
00:35know this is the course the night before Christmas and upstairs CBS is giving a
00:43Christmas party right now you see and they have mistletoe hanging all over the
00:49the doorways you know and just my luck as I walked in Lassie was coming
01:01you know I don't know about you but to me there is nothing more disgusting than a
01:15dog that's had one too many
01:22ladies and gentlemen you know every Christmas time you know I always give a
01:28party at my house I invite the cast and the crew and we exchange gifts see we
01:34have a lot of fun but tonight as long as I have to be in the studio we're gonna have
01:38the party here exchange gifts right on the stage and we're going to do it
01:43Rochester will be here trimming the tree and everything right here on the stage
01:46but meanwhile I want to continue with the show now and bring out my singing star
01:51Dennis Day
01:54now Dennis I know you do some pretty silly things but this is ridiculous you
02:17ought to be ashamed of yourself what is that now take that over now come out here and take that over
02:22look at will you please wait look then then I know you're Dennis what's what's he
02:38doing here oh he's gonna help me with my song oh I get it you're gonna sing
02:45Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer no that's right and it has something to do with the reindeer no
02:58no how is he gonna help you with your song well see he's my piano player
03:11well if he's your piano player I mean why did you make him wear this well I had to why because
03:28on my music it says I should be accompanied by piano and horns
03:31stop stop stop now you're gonna sing a song with the orchestra like you're always supposed to
03:41and you come on you're going with me
03:43sleigh bells ring are you listening in the lane snow's glistening a beautiful sight we're happy tonight
04:02walking in the winter wonderland gone away is the bluebird here to stay is the new bird he sings a love song
04:13as we go along walking in a winter wonderland in the meadow we can build a snowman then pretend that he is
04:22arson brown he'll say are you married we'll say no man but you can do the job when you're in town
04:29later on we'll conspire as we dream by the fire to face unafraid the plans that we made walking in a winter wonderland
04:43we'll put these gifts under the tree open the curtains please
05:06Rochester how come you're not finished oh i would've been finished a long time ago if you'd have bought a tree
05:12instead of a ding it went out of the park
05:17every time i try to hang an ornament a squirrel keeps nibbling at me
05:23stop with the jokes will you please hey what's uh what gifts are those over there oh these are the ones
05:29the boys in the orchestra are giving you well why are the price tags still out oh they said it would save
05:35about six months of arguments have you ever heard me complain about getting a gift that was cheaper
05:46than one that i gave we'll never know till it happens
05:49well look you finish and when you get through call me and i'll continue with the show fine okay
06:03you know ladies and gentlemen i'm kind of glad that rochester isn't through there yet it'll give
06:07me a chance to do something i've always wanted to do that is to walk out and talk to you folks in the
06:12audience i've never done that before and i've always wanted to do that so here i i can get down myself
06:19every christmas they can't do enough for you
06:30well let's see here we have uh here's a gentleman here now what's your name sir johnny vickers jack
06:36johnny vickers i see where you from mr vickers tarzana tarzana well nice to have you at the show
06:41and uh you you're the door oh i'm glad you're here now let's see who else have we here well there's a
06:49lovely woman here are are you enjoying the show oh i certainly am mr benny and and since it's christmas
06:56i'd like to give you a little gift oh oh here's a jar of strawberry jam oh well thank you very very
07:05much that's mother sarah's jam oh mother sarah's jam isn't that nice it's very good strawberry jam
07:14well i imagine it is and thank you very much miss uh miss uh mother sarah
07:19oh well thank you my my jam comes in many flavors strawberry raspberry orange berry
07:37you can get it at your neighborhood store 39 cents a jar
07:41and if your neighborhood store hasn't got it it's a lousy store
07:44mother
07:58i never saw such enthusiasm here
08:02let's see who we got oh here's a gentleman over here your name sir harry johnson harry johnson
08:07i see where are you from mr johnson oh i'm from nebraska oh i'm spending the christmas in
08:12California with my family oh I see mr. Benny I've always been a big fan of
08:18yours I wonder if I could have your autograph well certainly certainly
08:22thank you very much I haven't any paper with me though oh well that's all right
08:26you can write it on here
08:29all right it would be easier if there were some lines
08:44let's see all right I can do that I think there we are
08:52you're welcome nice clean-cut fellow we have here's somebody over here oh oh
09:03mr. oh no what's he doing here he hates me this fella well aren't you going to
09:20talk to me talk to you I'm enjoyed the show very much you are I think you're
09:27giving a wonderful performance look I've been applauding till my hands are all red
09:33that's amazing I think you're funny do you really
09:43my wife down to see you I'd like to have you meet her oh how do you do how do you
09:47do are you really his wife
09:51oh
10:02well I asked for that idea well I better get back on stage now get everything
10:09we also have the economy size
10:11look now I don't care look look look when you're putting it out I've got to go now please I don't care
10:17I have to I have to
10:18mother
10:23have to
10:24Jack Parr does this every night nothing like this happens
10:36where's that usher when I leave
10:47my Hong Kong suit oh Don Don Wilson come out here will you please
10:59will you will you take over while I put on another coat will you oh I'll be glad to Jack and that'll give me a chance to play a little game yeah you and your game
11:12my name is Santa Claus my name is Santa Claus my name is Santa Claus and we want you to decide which one is the real Santa Claus
11:29that's right you guessed it this one is the real Santa Claus now what do you do I work for the Lipton tea company yes sir I am the one who puts the tea in those flow through tea bags the tea bag that brews full strut
11:47strength flavor yes and every day more people are discovering that Lipton is a great change of pace and flavor it satisfies like coffee but refreshes you better that's right Don yes I know I know I know I know I live in the north
12:00yes yes I know I know I know now sir what line of work do you do I also work for Lipton tea Don I see and I came down here to say Merry Christmas to all of you from all of us at Lipton tea
12:13well thank you very much by the way what's your name Joe Higgins
12:17my name is Santa Claus yes I know no but you told us that already yes yes Santa Claus we know that and we want to thank you for coming down here and we hope you didn't mind helping us out with our Lipton tea commercial
12:38well this time I didn't mind oh you've done commercials before
12:46Oh, yes. During the baseball season, they make me shave.
12:53All right. Well, thank you all very, very much.
12:56Thank you. Thank you.
12:58Enjoy brisk Lipton tea all through the season.
13:08Well done. Did you have fun playing your little game?
13:12Oh, did I?
13:16All right, funny man. All right. All right.
13:21Mr. Benny, we're all ready.
13:23Oh, good. Good. Open the curtains, then.
13:25Here, everybody. Merry Christmas, Mr. Benny. Merry Christmas.
13:28Merry Christmas.
13:29Well, all right. I'm going to start giving out presents right away to everybody.
13:33Now, let's see. Oh, here's a gift.
13:36Here's a gift from Jack Benny to my makeup man.
13:40There you are, sir. You're welcome.
13:42Now, let's see. What else have I got here?
13:45Oh, here's one to my stage manager from Jack Benny.
13:52Oh, here's a nice gift here from Jack Benny to Dennis Day.
13:57Dennis, come here.
13:57Oh, thanks, Mr. Benny.
13:59You're welcome.
13:59I've got a gift for you.
14:00You have?
14:01Uh-huh. I think you're going to like it because it's a little different.
14:03Oh, would you push that table over here, please?
14:05You know, I usually give you ties and shirts and stuff like that, but you only sell them.
14:15So this year, I thought I'd give you something a little more permanent.
14:19This isn't a gag or anything.
14:21Oh, no, no, no. Look.
14:22Oh, Dennis, that's me.
14:29Yeah, I had it specially made. It took four weeks.
14:32Isn't that wonderful?
14:35You know, I got the idea in a museum.
14:37They had busts of Napoleon and George Washington and Caesar.
14:40Oh, Dennis, that's sweet.
14:42I'm so grateful.
14:43I'm going to take it right home and put it in my den.
14:46No, no, in the kitchen.
14:47It's a cookie jar.
15:00A cookie jar?
15:01The ear is a corkscrew.
15:03I don't care what it is.
15:05I don't want it.
15:06Listen, you can open bottles right here.
15:08I'm not going to open them.
15:09And you can squeeze orange juice on the nose.
15:11I'm not going to squeeze any orange juice and take that bit off.
15:15Now, get off.
15:16I don't know what he's complaining about.
15:23These cookies are, boy, are they lousy.
15:29Silly kid that is.
15:31Now, let's see.
15:32What else have I got here?
15:34Oh, Don.
15:35Yes?
15:35Don, will you please take this gift to Frank Remley and the orchestra?
15:40I gave the other boys already their gifts.
15:43Oh, Frank Remley would be surprised.
15:45Well, how can he be surprised, Jack?
15:47You've got planted water written all over the package.
15:50Well, lookit, you have to do that with Remley.
15:53You see, when he opens a package and sees a bottle, he doesn't even wait to read the label.
15:59I remember last year, I gave him a miniature ship in a bottle, and the mask stuck out of his mouth for three days.
16:10I know what I'm going to say.
16:11I know what I'm going to say.
16:12I know what I'm going to say.
16:13I know what I'm going to say.
16:14All right, you give it home.
16:15Now, let's, ah, here it is.
16:17From Jack Benny to his script secretary.
16:21Yeah, Jeanette, Merry Christmas.
16:23And don't say thank you.
16:24That'll cost me $80.
16:27All right, I won't.
16:29You'll get it.
16:30Now, let's see.
16:35Oh, here is something.
16:37Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special gift here, a gift for someone special that I want to talk about.
16:44He hasn't been on my show for a long, long time since his automobile accident.
16:51And you're going to see him tonight for the first time in almost a year, Mel Blanc.
16:57Well, Mel, it's really wonderful having you back on the show, and particularly on Christmas.
17:17You know, thanks, Jack.
17:18It was nice of you to ask me.
17:19Oh, yeah.
17:20And you know, we've missed you, Mel, not only because of your talents as an entertainer and a comedian,
17:27because, but of your quality, being such a fine individual.
17:32Well, I appreciate that.
17:34And I'm so glad you're going to be well pretty soon, and you'll be able to walk.
17:38That's just wonderful.
17:39And I, you know, many times we'd rehearse, and I'd think, gosh, why can't Mel Blanc be here?
17:45You know, those lovely voices that he does and those wonderful imitations.
17:49Stop gabbing and give me the gift already.
17:51Oh, I'm sorry.
17:55I'm sorry.
17:57You know, Mel Blanc has a wonderful sense of humor.
18:00I must tell you, the night of this accident that happened on Sunset Boulevard, here he was
18:05absolutely unconscious.
18:07And they brought him to the hospital, and he had really had a bad accident, you know,
18:13and there were, there were all these specialists working over him, you see.
18:17And as soon as he opened his eyes, and he could see who they were, tell him what you said.
18:23Eh, what's up, Doc?
18:25I mean, besides doing Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig and those characters, he also has a lot
18:42of characterizations on my program.
18:43For instance, he always plays a part of Professor LeBlanc, my French violin teacher.
18:50Don't you, Mel?
18:51Oui, Michel Bonnet, oui.
18:52How would you like if I got my violin and played a number for you right now?
18:58No, no, no, no, Michel Bonnet, that well, I am not.
19:05And he also imitates my parrot.
19:08Remember, I had the parrot on my show.
19:09Do the parrot.
19:10Right.
19:12Benny the miser, Benny the miser.
19:15Even my parrot knew.
19:17And he also played, oh, he did the noises of the Maxwell.
19:23Oh, now I got to tell you something, ladies and gentlemen.
19:26This is a true story.
19:28This is really true.
19:29But during our radio, when we were on radio, I went to my writers and I said, fellas, look,
19:35Mel Blanc can imitate anything or anybody.
19:38Let's trick him this show.
19:41Let's put in something so difficult that he will not be able to imitate it.
19:45And we won't tell him anything about it until he comes to rehearsal.
19:49So in the script, we put down for Mel to imitate an English horse.
19:57Imagine.
19:58And we didn't tell him anything about it.
19:59And we brought him the script.
20:00And here's exactly what he took.
20:03Show him what you did as the English horse.
20:07Never said a word, just did it.
20:22Oh, well, I met so many English horses like that.
20:25Listen, Mel, you know, now that you're getting along fine,
20:30you'll walk pretty soon.
20:31I'm sure that our viewers would like to know something about this accident.
20:37Now, how did it happen?
20:38Well, I was on my way down to Tijuana to do a job.
20:42Oh, a show down there.
20:43Yeah, Don.
20:43Where you were going down, oh, you went down to Mexico, huh?
20:48Si.
20:51I see.
20:51I see.
20:52But this accident happened on Sunset Boulevard, didn't it?
20:55Si.
21:00Did you find out who it was that bumped into you?
21:03Si.
21:06What was his name?
21:07Si.
21:15Si?
21:15Si.
21:16This was a pretty horrible accident.
21:30Aren't you going to do something about it?
21:32Si.
21:33What are you going to do?
21:34Sue.
21:38You're going to sue?
21:39Si.
21:41Well, who are you going to sue?
21:42Sue.
21:42Si?
21:46I didn't have anything to do with it.
21:49Did I?
21:50Si.
21:51Well, if you would have had me on your show that night,
21:54I wouldn't have had to go down to Mexico.
21:56Hey, you've got a case.
21:58Si.
21:59I know.
22:00Well, it's nice to have you back,
22:02and I hope you'll be on a lot of shows.
22:03Thanks, Jim.
22:04Oh, here's a gift I have
22:16for a fellow that was sitting in the audience.
22:18Now, all year long,
22:19he plays the part of a man
22:20who's supposed to dislike me,
22:22but we're really the best of friends.
22:24Frank!
22:25Frank Nelson, come on up.
22:26Thank you, Jack.
22:33You are welcome,
22:34and don't open until tomorrow, will you?
22:36Oh, don't worry.
22:36Don't worry.
22:37I wouldn't louse you up.
22:40You wouldn't louse me up.
22:42You know, these boxes are just props.
22:44They're all empty.
22:46Empty?
22:47Yeah, empty.
22:48Look, empty.
22:50Wait a minute.
22:51Empty.
22:52If they had anything I mean,
22:53we wouldn't be able to pick them up.
22:55What are you talking about, Empty?
22:57The only thing he gives away is fresh air.
23:00Well, in Los Angeles, that isn't bad.
23:06Hey, look at this.
23:07What are you doing?
23:08All this kid's in,
23:09don't go away.
23:10Give me a lot.
23:11Don't stop that.
23:11I'm telling you.
23:12Hey, you lay one finger on me,
23:14and I'll punch you right in the nose.
23:19I thought all the year you were only acting.
23:21You really hate me, don't you?
23:23Whoa!
23:24Oh, you are!
23:44Jack will be back in just a moment,
23:45but first, here's a word from our sponsor.
23:48Mother's service jams are the best on the market.
23:51Not you, my partner.
24:03Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen.
24:06And now, in keeping with the holiday season,
24:08Dennis Day will sing a Christmas carol.
24:11Oh, come ye, oh, come ye,
24:28joyful and triumphant.
24:33O come ye, oh, come ye, to Bethlehem.
24:45Come and behold him, born the king of angels.
24:57Oh, come ye, oh, come ye, to Bethlehem.
24:58O come, let us adore him.
25:03Oh, come, let us adore him.
25:10Oh, come, let us adore him.
25:16And now, ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my sponsors and my cast and my crew, I want
25:41to wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas.
25:46The Jack Benny program is a J&M production.
26:06This is Don Wilson saying good night.
26:08And this program is prerecorded.
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