- 6 minutes ago
The Baby Snooks Show was an American radio program starring comedian and Ziegfeld Follies alumna Fanny Brice as a mischievous young girl who was 40 years younger than the actress who played her when she first went on the air.
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00:00The Baby Snook Show!
00:06Starring Fanny Bryce as Baby Snooks, with Hanley Stafford as Daddy, and brought to you by Tums!
00:11My Daddy loves them!
00:26And now to Sycamore Terrace and the Higgins family.
00:30Well, Easter is almost here, and with it the new outfits for that stroll down the avenue on Easter Sunday.
00:36Ah, but Easter finery costs money, and money is what poor Daddy Higgins is always without.
00:42Having been victorious in the battle with Mummy, who wanted a new Easter outfit, he's just started the second one
00:47with Snooks.
00:48Why can't I have a new Easter outfit?
00:52Oh, first Mummy, now you.
00:54Well, if you must know, I don't have the money.
00:57My job doesn't offer that kind of remuneration.
01:00What's rem... what you said?
01:04Remuneration.
01:05Look, it's time you learn a new word.
01:07Tell me, what do I carry home every Saturday night?
01:10Hmm, Uncle Louie.
01:15I mean my paycheck.
01:17It's all spent.
01:19Well, Pamela Richardson is getting a new Easter outfit, and I want one, too.
01:25Oh, so that's it.
01:27Well, Pamela's father happens to be a banker.
01:29I don't have his kind of money.
01:31What kind do you have?
01:34I don't mean it that way.
01:36We have the same money, but he has a whole lot more.
01:39Well, why aren't you smart enough to be a banker?
01:42I am smart enough.
01:44I'm just not lucky.
01:45I never got the opportunity.
01:47Well, Mummy, since you and she got married, you passed up every opportunity.
01:54I wish I'd passed up that one, too.
01:59Forget Pamela and new Easter clothes.
02:02Well, if you was a banker, would you have lots of money, too?
02:06Of course.
02:07Well, why do you get to... why don't you be a banker?
02:12Why don't you get to be a banker?
02:15By lending other people money.
02:17Is that how you become a banker?
02:19Yes, it is.
02:21Then, uh, your worries are over.
02:24I can fix it for you now to be a banker.
02:26Oh, how?
02:27Lend me $30.
02:31A banker lends out thousands of dollars.
02:34All right, I'll lend me thousands.
02:36Will you please stop bothering me?
02:38Well, I want to look as nice as Pamela on Easter Sunday.
02:42Look, honey, I just can't afford it.
02:44What if Pamela does have nicer clothes?
02:47Does that make her happier than you?
02:49Oh, it sure does.
02:50It does not.
02:51Well, how do you know how happy I am?
02:54Snooks, you mean you aren't happy?
02:57I cried in my sleep all last night.
03:01Oh, you didn't.
03:03I thought my low heart would break.
03:06Why, Snooks, honey, I didn't know.
03:09Yes, I did.
03:10Honest, I didn't.
03:11What made my baby cry in her little bed?
03:15There's a spring busted in my mouth.
03:21I was talking about happiness.
03:23Look, run along and forget clothes.
03:25I'm broke.
03:26All right.
03:27I guess Pamela will write about us being poor white trash.
03:31Hey, wait a minute.
03:33Pamela said that?
03:34Yeah, and she laughed and said,
03:36you're too poor to buy me new clothes.
03:39Oh, she did.
03:40Yes, she did.
03:41Well, we'll just show her.
03:43All right, we're all going to have new Easter outfits.
03:46I'm going to do something I've never done before.
03:48What's that?
03:49You and I are going right down to Mr. Richardson's bank
03:51and try to get a personal loan of $300.
03:55Come on.
04:06Well, Mr. Richardson will see me in a few minutes about my loan, Snooks.
04:10So stay right here.
04:11Gee, Daddy, look at that man over there behind the bars.
04:16What about it?
04:17What's he in for?
04:19He's not in for anything.
04:22He's a teller.
04:23He's a teller?
04:25Yes.
04:25Can I go over and listen?
04:28A teller is a person in a bank who takes in and pays out money.
04:32He doesn't tell things.
04:34Now be quiet.
04:36What's all those windows, Daddy?
04:38There's so many of them.
04:40I know.
04:41Well, all banks have them.
04:42There's a paying window, a receiving window,
04:45loan and interest window, Christmas fund window.
04:48Well, where's the one Uncle Louie always goes to?
04:52Uncle Louie?
04:53Yeah.
04:53Which one is that?
04:54The $2 window.
04:59Look, you don't find $2 windows in banks.
05:03You only find them at racetracks.
05:06Why?
05:07Because a bank isn't like a racetrack.
05:09Well, what's the difference?
05:10There's a big difference.
05:11The money a man puts in a bank, his wife spends.
05:14At least at the racetrack, he gets to watch the horses.
05:17Now, will you please be...
05:18Mr. Richardson, Mr. Richardson will see you now.
05:20Oh, come on, Snooks.
05:21That door right over there.
05:25Come in.
05:26Oh, hello, Mr. Richardson.
05:28Well, how do you do, Mr. Higgins?
05:30This is my little daughter, Snooks.
05:32She and your daughter are great little pals, you know.
05:35That's right.
05:35I, I, I love Pamela.
05:38Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that.
05:40I was afraid that Pamela would be so spoiled and conceited that nobody could like her.
05:45Yeah, you can say that again.
06:04So, Snooks.
06:05I'm mad about her.
06:06Well, I suppose I shouldn't.
06:09You shouldn't?
06:10No.
06:10All right, then let's hate her.
06:13Snooks.
06:14Anyway, Mr. Richardson, in view of our daughter's mutual friendship, I felt you might think me
06:20coldly businesslike if I didn't come to you personally for, uh, for, uh, what I need.
06:26Just what do you need, Mr. Higgins?
06:28A loan.
06:30A small loan?
06:31Yeah, just a teeny-weeny little loan.
06:33Oh, I see.
06:35Well, Mr. Higgins, in spite of our mutual friendship, I still must adhere to banking policy, which,
06:41as I'm sure you know, makes it necessary to check with the condition of all people who
06:45borrow money.
06:46You gotta check Daddy's condition?
06:48Yes.
06:49Tell me, Mr. Higgins, do you have collateral?
06:51Oh, no.
06:52All he has is a little signage trouble.
06:55Snooks, please, your help isn't helping me at all.
06:59Uh, look, Mr. Richardson, the reason I need money is because I don't have collateral.
07:03I'm just plain broke.
07:05And I need $300 for Easter outfits for the family.
07:08But I've got a steady job.
07:10Easter outfits?
07:12Well, I hardly consider that a worthy reason for my risking an unsecured loan.
07:16Oh, but Mr. Richardson, I...
07:17Sorry, Mr. Higgins, policy is policy.
07:20Well, there go our Easter outfits.
07:23Gee, I guess we're gonna be poor, just poor white trash, like Paula said.
07:29Just a minute, my daughter said that?
07:32Pamela said that?
07:33Pamela said that.
07:35She said my daddy couldn't buy me a new Easter outfit like, like she's getting.
07:41Hmm.
07:42Mr. Higgins, I, uh, I have reconsidered.
07:45For reasons of my own, I'll lend you the money.
07:48Come in first thing tomorrow morning, we'll arrange the loan.
07:50Well, I, I thank you, Mr. Richardson.
07:52Gee, Daddy, now we can all get new Easter outfits.
07:56Oh, I'm so glad.
08:10Daddy, how come we're gonna shop right now at the department store?
08:15You ain't getting the money till tomorrow.
08:17Because now that I know I'm getting it, I can go ahead and charge everything.
08:21First, we'll buy you an Easter bonnet right over there.
08:23Come on.
08:24Oh, how do you do, sir?
08:26Something for the little miss?
08:27Yes.
08:28We'd like to see some of your Easter bonnets.
08:30Oh, well, here's a charming little bonnet.
08:33Do you like it, little girl?
08:35Mm-hmm.
08:36It's too plain.
08:38Could you put on that pretty pink bow over there?
08:41Why, sure.
08:43And that sweet little bunch of daisies?
08:45All right.
08:46And that beautiful little red rose?
08:49Fine.
08:50There we are.
08:52Oh, that's just so pretty.
08:55Good.
08:55Well, shall I wrap it up?
08:58No, I hate it.
09:04Oh, Snopes, don't start getting difficult.
09:06But I don't like it, Daddy.
09:08Now, don't worry, sir.
09:09I have loads of patience.
09:11Just loads.
09:13Um, oh, I know.
09:14How about this little green bonnet?
09:16You know, green like spring in nature.
09:19Things budding, birds on the wing.
09:22And it's such a pretty shade of green.
09:24Yes, isn't it?
09:26I never saw such a pretty shade of green.
09:29Neither have I.
09:30There's only one thing I wish.
09:33What's that?
09:34I wish it was red.
09:38I, uh, I'm afraid she is a bit difficult.
09:41Yes, I'm beginning to think it isn't going to be so easy to please this little miss.
09:47Little miss?
09:48As far as my wife and I are concerned, this is a big miss.
09:54Oh, nothing, nothing.
09:56I, uh, I guess you'd better show her something else.
09:58Well, fortunately, as I said before, I do have loads of patience.
10:03Now, uh, how about this flat straw with a big old-fashioned black velvet bowl?
10:10I don't like it.
10:12It looks like a flying saucer.
10:16Well, you look strange enough to be coming out of one.
10:20I mean, uh, it's really very pretty.
10:24Well, I don't care.
10:25I don't like it.
10:27Look, will you please make up your mind?
10:31Gee, why are you getting mad?
10:34I thought you said you had loads of patience.
10:37I do, but you're making me dump my whole load.
10:42Now, uh, we'll, we'll try again, shall we?
10:46Okay.
10:47Uh, how about this bonnet here?
10:50Oh, that is nice.
10:52At last.
10:53But I want a lot of more stuff on it.
10:56I want a real Easter bonnet.
10:58Well, uh, I mean, well, what sort of, uh, what sort of stuff do you mean?
11:05Well, put on that chocolate Easter bunny there.
11:10Chocolate?
11:11Yeah.
11:11On a hat?
11:13Yeah, yeah.
11:15Oh, put it on anything to please her.
11:18Well, all right.
11:19And put on some of them marshmallow eggs.
11:24On a hat?
11:25Yeah.
11:28All right.
11:31And some of them little candy chickens.
11:34On a hat?
11:36Yeah.
11:39Well, frankly, I think it's getting a little loaded.
11:42And I wish I were, too.
11:45Is there anything else you want on it?
11:47Yeah.
11:48Sprinkle some of those junk beans on.
11:52Oh.
11:55Well, there you are.
11:57Oh, on your hat, you now have a chocolate Easter bunny.
12:00Mm-hmm.
12:01Two marshmallow eggs.
12:02Yeah.
12:03Three k-chicks and a handful of jelly beans.
12:06Yeah, that's it.
12:08Will that be it?
12:09Fine.
12:10Shall I wrap it up?
12:12No.
12:13I'll eat it here.
12:22Well, Vera, between you and me, we put in quite an afternoon of shopping.
12:26Well, you know me.
12:28Since I got your call to go ahead and charge a new Easter outfit, I was off like a flash.
12:32I'm sure glad Richardson okayed that loan for me tomorrow morning.
12:35By the way, where's Snooks?
12:36Oh, she couldn't wait to show it off to Pamela Richardson.
12:39The way Pamela's been picking on her, she couldn't resist attempting...
12:41Oh, here she is now.
12:44Mm.
12:46Why, Snooks, honey, what's wrong?
12:49Yes, what is it, dear?
12:52Pamela said I still look like white trash.
12:55Oh, she did, did she?
12:56Well, she shouldn't get away with a thing like that.
12:59She didn't.
13:00I punched her right in the nose.
13:02Well, that's fine.
13:04Oh, no.
13:04My loan.
13:05My poor loan.
13:07There it is.
13:08That has to be Richardson.
13:10Hello, Mr. Richardson.
13:12Oh, so you know who it is, Higgins.
13:14Mr. Richardson, are you mad at me the whole 300?
13:18What?
13:19Couldn't you just be mad at me, a hundred and fifty dollars worth?
13:22Higgins, since you seem to know the reason for my call, any further conversation is unnecessary.
13:27And don't show up tomorrow morning thinking I'll change my mind because I won't.
13:31Goodbye, Mr. Higgins.
13:33Snooks, I'd whip you right now, except for one thing.
13:37You love me.
13:38No.
13:39I don't want to rumple your new dress.
13:41It's going back.
14:02Well, it looks like the Higgins family is not going to have a happy Easter, thanks to Snooks.
14:07When she punched Pamela in the nose, she punched Daddy right off a $300 loan for Easter clothes.
14:12At the moment, he's telling his woes to his next-door neighbor, Randolph Conk.
14:16Yeah, Conk, all the clothes we charge will have to go back.
14:19Say, that is tough.
14:21Unless I can arrange a loan somewhere else.
14:23Oh, you're going to try to get another loan, huh?
14:26Look, Higgins, we've been friends for a long time.
14:30Yes, Conkle, yes.
14:31And whenever we're in trouble, we always come to each other, don't we?
14:34Right.
14:35And now there's a cash problem.
14:37Yeah, come on, Conkle.
14:38Say what you're going to say.
14:40All right.
14:40If you get the loan, will you split it with me?
14:45Great.
14:46I thought you were going to lend me the money.
14:48Yeah, I would, but I'm too broke from buying Easter outfits myself.
14:51And on top of that, Martha just clipped me for my last 20 to pay a beauty parlor bill.
14:56I know what you mean.
14:58I just wish I had the fortune Vera spends on face creams alone.
15:02Well, it's actually a necessary expense, Higgins.
15:05As I see it, there's one big factor that makes women spend all that money on their face.
15:09Oh, really?
15:10What factor is that?
15:12Max.
15:13Oh, stop.
15:16This is a serious problem to me.
15:18Well, now, look, you've been working for Weemish for almost ten years.
15:20Maybe he'll lend you the money.
15:22I've never even been able to get a raise out of him.
15:24Well, he might not be as hard as you think.
15:26Tell him how much it means to your wife and children.
15:29In fact, take Snooks down there to help you play on his sympathy.
15:33Say, that's worth a try.
15:35Sure.
15:36The old skinflint might not have the heart to turn down a child.
15:40I'll get a hold of Snooks right now.
15:52Mr. Weemish will see us in a few moments, Snooks.
15:55Now, do you remember what I want you to tell him?
15:57I think so.
15:59Well, just to be safe, I'll run over it with you once more.
16:03Now, my father has worked hard for you for the better part of a decade.
16:08You got that so far?
16:09Yeah.
16:10Let's hear it.
16:11My father has worked hard for you and the better part of him is decayed.
16:22That is decade.
16:24Now, let's get on with the rest.
16:26During that time, he has asked nothing of you.
16:29And now he's miserable that he has to stand and face you for a loan.
16:32Let's hear the whole thing.
16:34All right.
16:35My daddy has worked hard for the better part of a decade.
16:39Go on.
16:40During that time, he has asked nothing of you and has had to stand your miserable face alone.
16:48Forget the whole thing.
16:50Just keep in mind that I need money and you are here to play on his sympathy.
16:54All right, daddy.
16:55All right, Higgins.
16:56Come on in.
16:57Oh, thank you, Mr. Weemish.
16:59Come on, Snooks.
17:00Higgins, why did you have to bring that little pest with you?
17:03Well, I won't bother nobody, Mr. Weemish.
17:06I'll just sit in the corner and play with your mean cat.
17:10My mean cat?
17:11Yeah, daddy told me you had a sourpuss.
17:17Oh, well, she really didn't hear me say that, Mr. Weemish.
17:22Never mind, Higgins.
17:22Never mind.
17:24What is it you want to talk to me about?
17:26Well, Mr. Weemish, I've worked for you for a long time now and I've never asked much.
17:32Well, it's mutual, Higgins.
17:33You've never done much.
17:35But I've tried.
17:37And now I need help.
17:38And you're the only one I can come to.
17:39I need a loan of three hundred dollars.
17:44Three hundred dollars?
17:45That's a lot of money, Higgins.
17:47Of course, if it's for an emergency, I might consider it.
17:50On the other hand, if it's for something foolish like Jackson and the shipping department
17:54wanted a hundred dollar advance just to buy some Easter clothes.
17:58Ha!
17:59Ridiculous.
18:01Naturally, I turned him down.
18:03Oh, naturally.
18:05Well, what's your story?
18:08Well?
18:09Sorry, we need some time to change it.
18:16Well, the reason I need the money is, uh, it's on account of Vera.
18:22You see, she's sick.
18:24Oh, she's very sick.
18:26Sick?
18:27Of what?
18:28Of wearing the same old clothes.
18:31No, this is no time to joke about your mother's illness.
18:34For which we need the money.
18:36Get it?
18:37Oh, yeah, yeah.
18:38Poor mommy's awful sick.
18:40Oh, yes, Mr. Weemish.
18:42Just this morning, I took Vera's temperature, and it was a hundred and five.
18:46A hundred and five?
18:47And that was in the shade, too.
18:51You can just...
18:52This does sound serious.
18:53Oh, it is, Mr. Weemish.
18:55The doctor says she'll need an operation.
18:57And that's why I need the three hundred dollars.
19:00Yes, you'll need an operation.
19:02Well, Snooks, Lancelot, I'm very sorry to hear this.
19:06Uh, what are they going to operate on Vera for?
19:08Appendix.
19:09Hallstones.
19:10What?
19:10Hallstones.
19:11Appendix.
19:12Appendix.
19:12A gallstone.
19:13Huh?
19:14Once more, maybe we can come out to get it.
19:19Higgins, what's going on here?
19:20Well, you see, she has both appendix and gallstones.
19:24Oh, well, an appendix isn't serious, but a gallbladder is another thing.
19:29Are you sure she has stones?
19:31Oh, yeah.
19:33When she sits down, she rattles something warm.
19:38A beanbag.
19:42Well, Higgins, under these circumstances, I can see you do need money.
19:46Oh, yes, Mr. Weemish.
19:48How do you know that three hundred will be enough?
19:51Will three hundred be enough?
19:53Well, because that's all the Easter outfit costs.
19:58It costs that, you know.
19:58The Easter outfit costs all that.
20:00No.
20:01Easter outfit.
20:01So, Higgins, you wanted the money for clothes after all.
20:04Well, yes, I did, Mr. Weemish.
20:06I've worked for you for a long time, and I thought you might be willing to help me get a
20:10little joy out of life.
20:11Higgins, I'm going to help you with just one thing, and that's out that door with my foot.
20:17Now, get up!
20:28Look, I could cry, too.
20:30If it hadn't been Fior hitting Pamela, I'd have gotten the money from Mr. Richardson.
20:34Now, look, it's high time you learned to control your temple like I do.
20:38For instance, when I was plenty mad, Mr. Weemish wouldn't lend me that money.
20:42I felt like hitting him, too.
20:43But do you know why I didn't?
20:45Calls you a coward?
20:50I just know how to control myself.
20:53So instead, I came home and used this piece of paper to let off my steam.
20:57I wrote down every nasty thing I wanted to say to Mr. Weemish.
21:00After that, I felt better.
21:02You did?
21:03Yes.
21:03And that's what I want you to do hereafter, when you're mad at Pamela.
21:07Write down every nasty thing you want to say, and write it just like a letter.
21:11Mm-hmm.
21:11After you get it down on a piece of paper, you'll feel better.
21:13I think I'll feel better if I write the stuff down on my blackboard.
21:18Why?
21:18Well, after I finish writing, I could hit her over the head with it.
21:23You're not going to hit anybody.
21:25You're going to hold your temple like I do.
21:27You understand?
21:28You're going to have my control.
21:31What are you bawling about?
21:33You scared me.
21:36I'll just remember.
21:38Hereafter, no hitting.
21:39Just writing.
21:41I'll remember, Daddy.
21:51Well, Lancelot, here's my dress and hat, all wrapped up, ready to go back.
21:55And here's mine.
21:57My suit's in this box.
21:58I feel awful.
21:59So do I.
22:00I was really counting on attracting a lot of attention in that outfit.
22:03Now I'll have to march in the Easter parade without a thing to wear.
22:06Gee, that way you'll attack even more, can't you?
22:10Oh, you be quiet.
22:11This is all your fault anyway.
22:13I'll get it.
22:15Hello.
22:16Hello, Higgins.
22:17This is Mr. Weemish.
22:18Oh, yes, Mr. Weemish.
22:20Higgins, I just got through giving my kids their Easter outfits.
22:23They were awfully happy.
22:24And it made me happy.
22:26Then I got thinking about you.
22:29Higgins, I'm sorry about this morning.
22:31That $300 loan will be in the mail for you in the morning.
22:34And happy Easter.
22:37Oh, gosh.
22:39That's a million, Mr. Weemish.
22:41Goodbye.
22:42Vera, Snooks, we can keep the clothes.
22:45You mean Weemish's loaning is the money after all?
22:47Yes.
22:48Snooks, you see there?
22:49If I'd told off Mr. Weemish instead of writing those things down on the paper,
22:52he'd never have given me the money.
22:54So, you see, it really works.
22:57Well, I've been doing it too, Daddy.
22:59This morning I got mad at Pamela again.
23:02So I wrote down every nasty thing I could think of.
23:05Just like it was a letter.
23:07Well, that's wonderful.
23:09Then I mailed it.
23:13Oh, no.
23:14Those letters are just a let off steam.
23:16You're not supposed to mail them.
23:17Well, I didn't know that.
23:19I think you're going to be mad at me.
23:20Huh?
23:21Well, when I mailed my letter to Pamela,
23:26I also mailed the one you wrote to Mr. Weemish.
23:30Oh, no.
23:31Oh, yeah.
23:49And now, here's Snooks again.
23:51Well, Snooks, fortunately for you,
23:53I was able to intercept that letter at the office
23:55before Mr. Weemish got it.
23:57I'm glad, Daddy.
23:58But you might have cost us not only our Easter outfits,
24:01but my job as well.
24:03Yeah.
24:03Lucky I didn't.
24:05Then there wouldn't be any money to buy you any clothes at all.
24:07Yeah.
24:08You have nothing to wear.
24:09Yeah, I'm lucky.
24:11You couldn't go outside and play.
24:13Boy, I sure am lucky.
24:14Or go to school.
24:16I couldn't go to school.
24:18No.
24:19Gee, I know this luck couldn't last.
24:22I guess I knew it.
24:24Oh, fine.
24:24Good night, Snooks.
24:25Good night, Daddy.
24:26And good night, everybody.
24:41The Baby Snooks Show came to you from Hollywood
24:43and was produced by Arthur Stander
24:44and written by Bob Fisher and Arthur Stander.
24:46Also, the cast for Arlene Harris as Mummy,
24:49Frank Nelson, Elvie Allman, Ken Christie, and Fred Shields.
24:52Don't forget to listen to The Baby Snooks Show
24:54every Tuesday at the same time.
24:56This is Don Wilson reminding you
24:58that night and day, at home or away,
25:00always carry Tums.
25:02T-U-M-S.
25:03Tums for the Tummies.
25:12Now enjoy the Bob Hope Show.
25:14Tomorrow, laugh with Groucho Marx on NBC.
25:17See you.
25:17See you.
25:19hickeytone�
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