- 2 days ago
The Pepsodent Show is an American radio comedy program broadcast from 1938 to 1948, during the Golden Age of Radio. The program starred Bob Hope and Jerry Colonna, alongside Blanche Stewart, Elvia Allman, and a continuously rotating supporting cast of actors and musicians which included, for a time, Judy Garland, Frances Langford, and Desi Arnaz and his orchestra.
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00:00Ah, it's nice Christmas weather we're having here.
00:05It's been raining so hard here this past week,
00:07I hear Santa Claus is trading his reindeer and sleigh in for three seals and a surfboard.
00:13I drove my car down to town today to do my Christmas slopping,
00:17and a cop gave me a ticket for crossing the street against the tide.
00:22Instead of a Christmas tree, we're going to put a lighthouse in our living room this year.
00:31Boy, it was really wet today. I went into a bakery to buy a two-pound chocolate cake,
00:35and when I got home, I had three gallons of cocoa.
00:41Yes, I did some more Christmas shopping today. I want to send my uncle something he'll like.
00:46How do you wrap up a saloon?
00:49On Christmas Day, my uncle's going to be Santa Claus in the news colony.
00:53They sent him his costume today, a long white beard and a bottle of mercuricrome.
01:02If it's a cold day, he won't need the mercuricrome.
01:09Shirley Tupper was in the store today. She asked Santa Claus for a doll.
01:12Then Santa Claus asked her if she could get him the right answers to the movie quiz.
01:16I bought a present for my little niece, Bessie, a doll that will hit back.
01:21It's a mama doll. It's a mama doll.
01:24On the way out of the store, a guy bumped into me, and the doll said,
01:27Mom, and the guy looked at me and said, Pardon me, madam.
01:29I wanted to buy a tie and told the clerk I wanted to see something in stripes,
01:35so he brought out my brother from Alcatraz.
01:37The warden up there told the boys it would be nice if they could get a tree for Christmas.
01:42So ten of the prisoners went to Yellowstone Park to get one.
01:45That was six years ago, and they haven't found the tree yet.
01:48My brother always tries to come home for the Christmas holidays.
01:53Last year, he built a boat, and all the other prisoners laughed at him.
01:56He couldn't get it out of his cell.
02:01The warden hung a sign on my brother's cell.
02:03Do not open till Christmas, 1945.
02:05Please, Bill, tell our listeners who we have hanging on the tree waiting to entertain tonight.
02:09All right, Bob. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, first of all,
02:11we bring in the favorites of millions of readers of the cartoon strip, Blondie.
02:15Blondie and Dagwood Bumstead, as portrayed by Penny Singleton and Arthur Lake.
02:19Then we have Skinny Ennis and his band, Six Hits and a Miss,
02:22Jerry Colonna through the courtesy of Warner Brothers,
02:24and Bob Hope through the courtesy of the old man with the whiskers.
02:28Uh, Santa Claus?
02:29No, Joe Miller.
02:35That's Bill Brightmuller Goodwin, folks, who doesn't care if angels are
02:38with dirty faces never wash as long as they clean their teeth with Pepsodent.
02:44Bill's a little tired.
02:45We've been wrapping packages all day to send each other.
02:48You should see me wrap them.
02:51It took me two hours to wrap one package a day, then I had to unwrap it again.
02:54I was in it.
02:58I wrapped up one package and put a sticker outside marked Unbreakable.
03:01The clerk in the post office looked at me and said,
03:03You want to bet?
03:08Boy, you really have to get up to get to that post office early to get waited on.
03:12I was there at 5.30 this morning.
03:14First time I ever mailed a package in my nightgown.
03:17I got there at 5.30 and stood right on the line, the California-Nevada state line.
03:22Everybody was licking stamps and addressing packages.
03:24I reached out for a pen on the table.
03:26When I got my hand back, it had a dozen Christmas seals on it.
03:28Somebody shoved me and I went right through the parcel post window.
03:33It cost me $60 to get back to Hollywood.
03:39Come in.
03:41Uh, Mr. Hope?
03:42That's right.
03:43I suppose you've heard about the peace conference they're having in South America.
03:45Why don't you broadcast from there?
03:47South America? Why should I?
03:48I've been listening to your program, Piru.
03:51Oh, there's a chase.
03:53Oh, here's a chase.
03:55Oh, here's a chase.
03:56Oh, here's a chase.
03:57Oh, here's a chase.
03:58Oh, here's a chase.
03:59Oh, here's a chase.
04:00Jingle bells, jingle bells, just jingle all the way.
04:04Girls and boys, he's loaded with toys.
04:07Santa's on his way.
04:08Hear the sleigh bells ring, jingling-a-ling.
04:13Better watch out, better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why
04:18Santa Claus is coming to town in a couple of days
04:23Making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice
04:27Santa Claus is coming back to town
04:31He sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake
04:36He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake
04:42Better watch out, better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why
04:47Santa Claus, he's coming back to town
04:50Jingle bells, jingle bells, just jingle all the way
04:55Oh, what fun the kids will have, waiting for Santa Claus
05:03Come on, dancer, dancer and vixen, comet, cupid, donder and blitzing
05:09Santa Claus is on his way, trucking on down in a fancy sleigh
05:13He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake
05:18He knows that if you eat too much, you have a tummy ache
05:23You'd better watch out, children, don't you cry, don't you dare to tell a lie
05:28Santa Claus is coming, he's coming back to town
05:34Ladies and gentlemen, you've all seen those well-known Chick Young comic strip characters
05:51Blondie and Dagwood in your daily newspapers
05:53In most of your theaters this week, you'll be seeing them in the new Columbia picture Blondie
05:57Tonight we bring you for the first time on the air, Blondie and Dagwood Bumpstead
06:00America's typical married couple is played by Penny Singleton and Arthur Lake
06:04Hello, Bob
06:12Hello, Mr. and Mrs. America
06:14Hello, Walter
06:15Hey, I thought it was a real treat for you two to play that young couple, Blondie and Dagwood
06:21It certainly was, Bob
06:23We've seen them in the comic strip so often, we thought they were old friends of ours
06:26Did you enjoy being married to Penny in the picture, Arthur?
06:29Yes, sir, I married an angel
06:30You married an angel?
06:32Yeah, Penny's from heaven
06:33Tell me, how did they happen to cast you two for the roles of Blondie and Dagwood?
06:39Well, the director thought we sort of looked like them
06:41Yeah, but I thought Dagwood was supposed to be a dopey-looking guy
06:44Yeah, that's right
06:45The casting director took one look at me and said, if he's alive, he's it
06:50I know, those pages flutter out there
06:57But look, that's marvelous
06:58I wish I could get a crack at one of those comic strip characters
07:01Well, maybe you'll get a chance, Bob
07:03I understand they're going to make Joe Palooka
07:05Don't mind, Arthur, Bob
07:08He's an awful tease
07:10Yeah, sort of a comic strip tease
07:12But I bet you two had a lot of fun making the picture
07:16Yeah, we always get along swell, don't we, Penny?
07:19Sure, the only thing we don't agree on is politics
07:22I see, you're both Democrats
07:23Tell me, uh...
07:24Tell me, uh, why didn't you bring Baby Dumpling along with you tonight?
07:31He had to stay home, he's filing his income tax
07:33Oh, he's a Republican
07:36Well, you know, I've always wondered how a couple like Blondie and Dagwood would spend Christmas Eve
07:41Well, Bob, why don't we just drop in on them and find out?
07:44All right, ladies and gentlemen, we now take you to the home of Dagwood and Blondie Bumstead
07:48It's Christmas Eve
07:49Dagwood is in the kitchen doing the dishes
07:50And Blondie is atop a ladder trimming the tree
07:52Music, skinny
07:53Dagwood, go to the door
08:05I can't, I've still got two more dishes to do
08:07Okay, Blondie, I'm finished
08:10Dagwood, if you break any more dishes, we'll have to start going to the movies again
08:19Dagwood, will you please go to the door?
08:24All right, gee, I sure hope it isn't company
08:26I'm dead tired
08:27Hello, Dag
08:29Well, Bob Hope, come on in, Bob
08:31Blondie, look who's here
08:32Well, Bob, this is a surprise
08:34If I'd known you were coming out of trimming the tree, it was testident
08:37Yeah, well, if I'd known you were going to do that, I'd have brought along my teeth
08:40That's just a joke, you know
08:46Hey, Bob, you're just in time to help us trim the tree
08:53Okay, wait till I hang up my coat
08:54Wait a minute, Bob, that's a Christmas tree
08:57The hall tree's out there
08:58Oh, well, maybe it would be better if you trimmed the hall tree instead
09:01Oh, no, no, that was our Christmas tree last year
09:05Yeah
09:05Look, that's how we got a hall tree this year
09:08That was Dagwood's idea
09:10I guess there must be some truth in that saying
09:12Clever men make good husbands
09:15Don't be silly, clever men don't become husbands
09:17How long have you been married, Bob?
09:21Yeah, well, wait a minute
09:23Well, anyway, I'm glad I came over to spend a nice quiet Christmas Eve with you
09:26Say, that reminds me, how come Baby Dumpling is so quiet tonight?
09:29Oh, we have a new system
09:30When he's good, we let him listen to the Lone Ranger
09:33I suppose when he's bad, you make him listen to Bob Hope
09:35Oh, no, he's never that bad
09:37Dag, make that dag out of my bag
09:41You shouldn't insult our guest
09:43Why don't you use your head for a change?
09:50Sounds like he'll have to use more than that for a change
09:52Well, it's a wet Christmas anyway
09:59Hey, be quiet, Daisy
10:04Oh, so that's Daisy
10:05Does he bark very much?
10:06Only until 10 o'clock
10:08Then he goes to sleep
10:09Yeah, well, what happens if a burglar comes at midnight?
10:11Oh, we don't like to disturb Daisy
10:13So I just kick Dagwood
10:14You kick Dagwood?
10:17Yeah, and he sits up and barks
10:19Yeah, just like this
10:22Pretty clever, huh?
10:24Yeah
10:25You could jump through a hoop
10:26I could get you six weeks at the Orpheum
10:28Come in
10:32Oh, Merry Christmas
10:34I'm here to tune the piano
10:35Oh, but we haven't got a piano
10:37That's all right
10:38We brought one along
10:39Wheeler in for it!
10:44That's smart
10:44Do you mind if music and everything?
10:46Do you mind if I help trim the trees?
10:47All right, but be careful going up the ladder
10:49It's a little flimsy
10:50Flimsy?
10:51This is the first time I ever tried to climb a Venetian blind
10:53Come in
10:59Merry Christmas
11:00We're from the
11:01If you got them, we'll get them termite exterminators
11:03Yeah, but mister
11:05We haven't got any termites
11:07That's what you think
11:08Come on, boys
11:08Hey, what's the big idea of tearing down our walls?
11:13Listen, buddy
11:13You can't be subtle with termites
11:15Come in
11:18Homestead, I've come for the rent
11:20Oh, the rent
11:21Look, Mr. Scrooge, it's Christmas Eve
11:23Well, Merry Christmas
11:24And I still want my rent
11:25Look, mister
11:26Give these people a little time
11:27And I'll let you have two tickets for the Pepsodent show
11:30I'm looking for money, not sleep
11:31Say, what's that?
11:34Oh, that's just baby dumplings
11:36He loves to celebrate the Fourth of July
11:38Fourth of July?
11:39But it's Christmas now
11:40Yeah, but how long will it last?
11:42And besides, are you going to let a little thing like the calendar interfere with baby dumplings happiness?
11:47Yeah, wait till the Fourth of July, I'll think of an answer for that
11:49Ha, ha, ha, there he goes again, isn't he cute?
11:54Yeah
11:54Any minute now, I expect to see Edward G. Robinson shooting back
11:58Yeah, I hope he doesn't try to light them all at once
12:02Oh, no, he wouldn't do anything as foolish as that
12:04He takes after his father
12:06Blondie, Blondie, are you all right?
12:12Yes, but what happened to Bob?
12:13Oh, Bob
12:14Here I am, Blondie
12:15Where?
12:16You see that old stocking hanging in front of the fireplace?
12:19Yes
12:20That's me
12:21Say, uh, Goodwin
12:34I don't like to complain, but it was a silly idea to wrap our lunch in a road map
12:37I have a TL for you, I think we're lost
12:41Now listen, Bob, we are not lost
12:45I've been following Route 88 on the map for the last half hour
12:47Just as I thought, that isn't Route 88, that's a piece of spaghetti
12:50Well, what if we are lost?
12:55This is wonderful, riding along in the great outdoors
12:57I feel like a king
12:58I just advocated
13:03You know, I knew I should never have gotten into this camp carefree on wheels
13:14Listen, you didn't call it that when you sold it to me
13:16Well, things could be worse
13:19At least here we are in the bright California sunshine
13:20Here we are in the bright California sunshine
13:26Bob, don't look now, but the sunshine is leaking through the roof
13:31Gee, Bill, it's pouring cats and dogs
13:35Bob, I think we're stuck in the mud
13:41Yeah, step out and take a look, Bill
13:43You're wearing high-button shoes
13:44Say, we're in luck
13:46Here comes somebody down the road
13:47Maybe he can tell us where we can get shelter
13:49I'll talk to him
13:50Hello, young fella
13:50Hello
13:51Well, Glucose Fripp, what are you doing around here?
13:56I'm a traveling salesman and I'm doing pretty well
13:58I sell all day and I sell all night
14:00Boy, do I sell
14:01Well, what are you selling, Glucy?
14:04Oh, I'm selling stuff
14:07Yeah, what kind of stuff?
14:09Oh, just stuff
14:12Yeah, but what kind of stuff are you selling today?
14:17Mosquitoes
14:17Mosquitoes? Who buys mosquitoes?
14:20Nobody
14:20Then why do you sell them?
14:22Because there ain't no competition
14:23But you can't make any money
14:27I know it
14:28Last week I didn't even make five dollars
14:32Which is pretty good even for me not to make
14:34If you're real careful, you'll just about not be able to make a living
14:39That's the way I figure
14:41Besides, it takes my mind off my worries
14:44What have you got to worry about?
14:46Oh, all kinds of stuff
14:49So we're back to that again
14:53Look, Glucy
14:53We want shelter
14:54Don't you want to get dry?
14:56Nope
14:57Why not?
14:59I'm dopey
14:59You're dopey
15:01Well, I'm snow white
15:02Gee, you sure are pretty
15:04Look, never mind the flattery
15:09Are there any houses around here?
15:10Yep
15:10Can you show us where?
15:12Yep
15:12But I won't
15:14Why not?
15:16I'm no stool pigeon
15:17Bob, never mind
15:19There's a house right over there
15:20Yeah
15:21But it's haunted
15:22Hey, come on
15:29I like them better that way
15:30Yeah
15:31Come on, Bob
15:32That's the house right over there
15:33This is a pleasant little place, Goodwin
15:45It looks like Tobacco Road with a hangover
15:47Don't be frightened, Bob
15:49Ring the bell
15:50All right
15:51Number six on the hit parade
15:59Oh, gosh, Bob
16:07Look at that face staring through the window
16:08Yeah, I'm not sure, Bill
16:09But I think death just took another holiday
16:11Oh, hello, lady
16:15Sorry
16:16We don't want any more bodies
16:17But look, lady
16:21We're just wet
16:22We're not dead
16:22What are you bets?
16:27Well, who are you?
16:30During the night
16:31I'm the housekeeper here
16:33Yeah, well, what do you do during the day?
16:34I model shrouds
16:36Well, can you take care of us for the night?
16:40We'll take care of you, all right
16:43Just follow me
16:45Bob, look at all those white hammocks over there in the corner
16:51Hammocks, those are cobwebs
16:52Brace up, Bill
16:53What are we, mice or men?
16:55Well, I don't know about you, Bob
16:56But I could certainly go for a nice piece of cheese right now
16:59Are you the Bob Hope for the radio?
17:04Why, yes, how did you know?
17:05I know everybody who haunts houses
17:07Nice cheery place
17:14This is going to be as gay as a weekend at the morgue
17:16Oh, just listen to that laugh
17:21Yeah, I wish you were coming from the audience
17:23Say, miss
17:26Are there really ghosts in here?
17:28Ghosts?
17:29That's not the laundry you see up there
17:31Up where?
17:33Oh, Bill, Bill, Bill!
17:34Bill isn't here
17:36Well, who are you?
17:38Just a ghost
17:39A ghost?
17:42But I don't see you
17:43Where's your white sheet?
17:44Shh
17:44I'm a nudist
17:46Say, Bill, where are you?
17:51Here, Bob
17:51Are you all right?
17:52Yeah, but these ceilings are awfully low
17:54Well, they'll be okay after your hair lays down
17:56Say, miss
18:01Do a lot of people stop off here?
18:02Oh, yes
18:03Marie Antoinette came here one night
18:06And we just talked our heads off
18:08Oh, well, that's fine
18:11Shh
18:11What's the matter?
18:12Shh
18:13I'm getting a message from the spirit world
18:15What do they say?
18:19Shh
18:19They'll give you duke in seven points
18:22Shh
18:26I'll take it
18:28Attention all ghosts
18:31Attention all ghosts
18:32Better put on your rubber sheets
18:33It's raining
18:34Bob, look at that ghost over there
18:37He's jumping up and down
18:39What's that?
18:40He's jumping up and down
18:41He's probably got ants in his sheets
18:42Bob Hope?
18:48Yes
18:48I think I'll come over there and tear you to pieces
18:50And then jump on you and just stamp on your nose
18:53Say, who is this?
18:56Oh, just a monster
18:57Wait a minute, a monster?
19:04Oh, yes
19:04Didn't you know the devil is a fissy?
19:10Frankenstein is going to finishing school
19:12Come in
19:14Do you have ghosts here?
19:17Yes, we have
19:18Well, if my father comes in, hang on to him, will you?
19:21I've been looking for him for 300 years
19:23Who are you?
19:24Hamlet
19:25Say, what goes on around here?
19:32What's the matter, hatchet face?
19:34The phantom is coming
19:36Listen
19:36Greetings, gate
19:39Let's evaporate
19:40Hey, Bill
19:45Bill, I can see right through him
19:47Ah, yes, gate
19:47The ghost is clear
19:48Are you really a ghost
19:52An honest-to-goodness specter?
19:54Yes, Nave
19:55And you didn't expect to inspect the specter, did you, inspector?
19:59I can understand why you didn't live long
20:00Mine was a short life
20:02But a merry one
20:03At an early age, I moved to a metropolis
20:04And life began
20:06Ah, metropolitan life
20:08Can I interest you in some life insurance?
20:12Look, are you the only ghost in your family?
20:14Ah, no
20:14My sister was a skeleton in the closet
20:16Sort of a chambermaid to Mars
20:18Yes, indeed
20:20My entire family was very interested in spiritualism
20:23In fact, as my father was very fond of spirits once said
20:26Quote
20:26Unquote
20:28Say, ghost
20:33Would you mind telling me how you haunt a house?
20:35It's very simple
20:36First, you hide in the closet
20:37Then you put your hand out slowly, like this
20:39And grab a throat
20:41Then you squeeze
20:42Tighter and tighter
20:43And I'm choking myself to this
20:45Can I help you, master?
20:49Who are you?
20:50I'm the former Miss Fitch
20:51The Wichita Witch
20:52Ah, yes
20:54You have a twin sister
20:55I can never tell which witch is witch
20:57Well, I've got loads of money
20:59I'm the rich witch
21:00That sounds to me like a switch
21:04Witch
21:05And this sounds to me like something I'm sorry I started
21:14Say, I'm getting out of here
21:15Not so fast, Gates
21:16Ah
21:19The clock strikes twelve
21:20As it strikes, you shall all disappear one by one
21:23Bob, can he do that to us?
21:24Of course not, Bill
21:25I'll start on that facsimile of a man over there
21:28Who, me?
21:29Yes
21:30That pair of teeth surrounded by commercials
21:32Mumbo-jumbo
21:35Disappear
21:36So long, Goodwin
21:38It's a chilling experience, I tell you
21:41Eerie, isn't it?
21:43Eerie
21:43Eerie
21:44Help
21:45I'm in Pennsylvania
21:46And now the former Miss Fitch disappears
21:54Farewell, my bewitching beauty
21:57So long, kids
21:58So long, Fitchy
22:02And now for you
22:04Hey, wait a minute, Phantom
22:04You can't make me disappear
22:06Why not?
22:06Do you realize that if I disappear
22:07America will be deprived of the Pepsodent show?
22:10Ah, yes
22:11You're welcome, America
22:17Thanks for the memory
22:26And as we bid adieu
22:29The sponsor, cast and crew
22:31And I all join in wishing
22:33Best of Christmas time to you
22:35And thank you so much
22:38Thanks for the memory
22:42Of Singleton and Lake
22:44Your Dagwood Blondie team
22:47Was just as grand to work with
22:49As to see upon the screen
22:51And thank you so much
22:54Here's a tip to all you Christmas shoppers
22:58Buy a gift for yourself while it's early
23:02Treat your friends to a smile bright and pearly
23:06Bright smiles are sent
23:09Bob Pepsodent
23:11Excuse me, Bob, but who's going to be with us next week?
23:13Well, Bill, next week we're going to have with us
23:15That great radio team, Lum and Abner
23:17We're really going down to Pine Ridge with them
23:18Then we'll have Skinny Ennis and his band
23:20Our six hits and a miss
23:21Jerry Colonna
23:22And Bob Hope
23:23Thank you, Bill Goodwin
23:24Good night, ladies and gentlemen
23:25And may I wish you a Merry Christmas
23:27On behalf of the sponsor, Cast and Crew
23:29Until next Tuesday night
23:33At the same time
23:34The President Company bid you good night
23:37Bill Goodwin speaking
23:38This is the National Broadcasting Company
23:41The National Broadcasting Company
23:42The National Broadcasting Company
23:43The National Broadcasting Company
23:44The National Broadcasting Company
23:45The National Broadcasting Company
23:46The National Broadcasting Company
23:47The National Broadcasting Company
23:48The National Broadcasting Company
23:49The National Broadcasting Company
23:50The National Broadcasting Company
23:51The National Broadcasting Company
23:52The National Broadcasting Company
23:53The National Broadcasting Company
23:54The National Broadcasting Company
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