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- 10 months ago
The Baby Snooks Show was an American radio program starring comedian and Ziegfeld Follies alumna Fanny Brice as a mischievous young girl who was 40 years younger than the actress who played her when she first went on the air.
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00:00And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's Fanny Bryce as Baby Snooks.
00:12Daddy, played by Hanley Stafford, has a golf appointment with his boss this morning,
00:16and he's promised to meet him on the golf course, rain or shine.
00:19As our scene opens, Daddy's alarm clock is calling insistently.
00:25Okay, okay.
00:26Okay. Oh, boy, am I tired.
00:30Hello, Daddy. Here. I made you some coffee.
00:35Coffee? Looks like plain water to me.
00:39Make believe, Daddy. Make believe it's coffee.
00:42All right, it's coffee.
00:44Drink it.
00:45Okay.
00:48Well, that's wonderful coffee, Snooks.
00:51You like it? I'll make some more.
00:53No, don't go to any more trouble, Snooks.
00:55That ain't no trouble, Daddy. I got it from the goldfish bowl.
01:00A what?
01:01Ain't it good coffee?
01:03Oh, what's the matter with you, Snooks?
01:05Is that all you could think of to give me for breakfast, water from the goldfish bowl?
01:09I was only playing house, Daddy.
01:11Well, that's no way to play.
01:12No child makes a father drink the water from a goldfish bowl.
01:16I did.
01:17Now, don't get smart.
01:19Snooks, I'd just like to go for one whole day without giving you a spanking.
01:23All right, Daddy. I'll let you.
01:26Now, go back to bed.
01:28Why?
01:28Because it's too early for you to be up.
01:30Why are you up?
01:31Well, I have a golf appointment and I've got to hurry.
01:34Oh, you read me the funny.
01:36No, I haven't got time.
01:38Why?
01:38Because I'm going to play golf.
01:40Who is Daddy?
01:41With my boss.
01:43And it's very important that I be there on time.
01:45He gets very mad if I'm late.
01:46Who does?
01:47My boss.
01:48Who is he?
01:49He's the man I work for.
01:50Get out of my way.
01:51I've got to hurry and wash.
01:52Oh, he'd need a funny.
01:54No.
01:54Now, go back to bed this instant.
01:56If he don't read me the funny, your boss.
01:59Your boss is going to get mad.
02:01Well, why should my boss be mad?
02:02Because he'll be late.
02:04Snooks.
02:05Who teaches you these wonderful tricks?
02:07Nobody.
02:08I'll make them up.
02:10Oh, you're looking for a spanking this morning.
02:13Oh, he'd need a funny.
02:15I will not.
02:17Now, if you waste another second of my time, I'll tell you good.
02:19Now, stay out of the bathroom until I get through.
02:22What are you going to do, Daddy?
02:24I'm going to shave.
02:25I don't want you bothering me.
02:27Why?
02:28Because I'm late already.
02:29I should have left ten minutes ago.
02:31Where are you going?
02:32To play golf.
02:33Oh, Ed.
02:33I told you!
02:34In my boss!
02:35Okay.
02:36Snooks, if you ask me one more question, I'll jump in the bathtub and drown myself.
02:41Let me run the water, Daddy.
02:44Oh.
02:47And they think they got trouble in Europe.
02:49Huh?
02:50Nothing.
02:51Get out of here.
02:52Let me shave.
02:53I want to watch.
02:55Oh, Snooks.
02:56How can you be so nasty to your poor old Daddy?
02:59I work like a slave to see that you have everything and you won't let me have this a little fun.
03:03Oh, what's so funny about it?
03:07You sound like Mommy.
03:09Well, never mind that.
03:11Mommy's up in the country enjoying herself while I...
03:13Holy smoke.
03:16You want to do something for Daddy, Snooks?
03:18What's the matter, Daddy?
03:19Listen, Mommy called last night and told me to order a bathing suit for her.
03:23I'll be on the golf course, so you call the store as soon as it opens.
03:27All right.
03:27Now, listen carefully.
03:29Order a bathing suit.
03:30Large girl size, salmon color, fastened by one large pearl button with two little holes in it.
03:35Can you remember that?
03:36Uh-huh.
03:37Now, have it charged to me.
03:39Just tell them who I am and it'll be all right.
03:41Now, what are you going to say?
03:43I want a large bathing suit for a girl fastening it with a pearl salmon.
03:47Just tell me who I am and I'll be all right.
03:51Not pearl salmon.
03:52Button.
03:53Uh-huh.
03:53Button.
03:53Button.
03:54Button.
03:54Button.
03:54Who's got the button?
03:55Let's play, Daddy.
03:56I have no time to play.
03:57Will you order that suit?
03:58What suit?
03:59What did I just ask you to do?
04:01Um, you want a large swimming hole with a pearl-colored bear and two sammons in it.
04:06No, no.
04:08A little swimming suit for a large salmon.
04:10What are you talking about?
04:11For a girl with no buttons.
04:14Ah, forget it.
04:16If she wants to swim, let her wear an apron.
04:21Well, I've got to finish shaving.
04:23Oh, brother, I'll never make it.
04:25My what, Daddy?
04:26My appointment.
04:28Where are you going?
04:29I told you 50 times to play golf.
04:32Who is?
04:33My boss.
04:34Who is he?
04:35The man I work for.
04:37Ah.
04:39I want to go with you.
04:40Oh, you can't go with me.
04:41Why?
04:42Because you drive me crazy on a golf course.
04:45Then lead me to fun.
04:46No, look out.
04:47I'm going to get my clubs and get out of here fast.
04:50Ah, where are my clubs?
04:52Well, I know I left them in this closet.
04:54I think I'll go to bed now.
04:56Snooks, you wait a minute.
04:58Where are my golf clubs?
05:00If I tell you, will you take me with you?
05:02No.
05:03Then I don't know where they are.
05:04Go back.
05:05Come here.
05:06All right.
05:07Tell me where they are and I'll take you.
05:08You promise, Dad?
05:09Yes, I promise.
05:10Where are my clubs?
05:11I gave them to the junk man yesterday.
05:13What for?
05:14For a stack of bunning papers.
05:16You little...
05:18Don't leave, folks.
05:29Baby Snooks and Daddy will be back later on in the program and you'll meet them on the
05:32golf course.
05:38Cost me $2 to rent these broken down clubs and then I find the boss didn't wait for me.
05:43I'll probably get fired, too.
05:44Come on.
05:45Let's get out of here.
05:46Aren't you going to play golf, Daddy?
05:48No.
05:48No use going out without...
05:50Wait a minute.
05:51I might as well play nine holes.
05:54I paid my green fees and rented the clubs.
05:56But I'll play only on one condition, Snooks.
05:59You must remain absolutely quiet when I go to hit the ball.
06:01I promise, Daddy.
06:03All right.
06:04Let me get a ball out of the bag.
06:06Here's one, Daddy.
06:08Where'd you get that, Snooks?
06:09I found it when we was walking over here.
06:12Oh.
06:13Are you sure it was lost?
06:15Uh-huh.
06:16I see the man looking for it.
06:19Oh, well.
06:20I'll turn it in later.
06:21Now stand back.
06:22I want to take a practice swing with this driver.
06:27Not bad, eh?
06:31How do you like my form, Snooks?
06:33I think you're very pretty, Daddy.
06:36All right.
06:37Now I'm going to start.
06:39I don't get too close.
06:40What you doing?
06:41I'm putting the ball on the tea.
06:43Is that tea?
06:45Looks like dirt.
06:47It is dirt.
06:48You said it was tea.
06:50I know I did, but this tea isn't the same as the tea you drink.
06:53Why?
06:54Because one is a beverage and the other is ground.
06:56I thought coffee was ground.
06:59Coffee is ground.
07:01But this is a different tea and a different ground.
07:03Does that answer your question?
07:05I didn't ask you nothing.
07:07Well, don't.
07:08Now keep quiet and let me hit the ball.
07:10All right.
07:12Daddy!
07:13What is it?
07:14Where are you going to hit it to?
07:17You see that flag way down there?
07:19Is today a holiday?
07:21No, today's not a holiday.
07:23Now why have they got all the flags here?
07:25Those flags indicate the position of the green.
07:28What green?
07:29Where the hole is.
07:30Whenever you see a flag, there's a hole.
07:32Then why don't they fix it?
07:34Fix what?
07:34The hole in the flag.
07:36The flag hasn't got a hole in it.
07:37The green has a hole in it.
07:39Why?
07:41So I can crawl in and pull it over my head.
07:45I'll stop that yelling.
07:47Now move back a little.
07:49And don't make a sound.
07:51You just watch the ball when I hit it.
07:53All right, Daddy.
07:54Now, head down.
07:57Right hand over.
07:58Bring the club back slowly.
08:01Daddy!
08:02Oh!
08:03What is it now?
08:04Why don't you hit the ball?
08:06That's what I'm trying to do.
08:08Then why are you putting the stick around your neck?
08:11Oh, leave me alone.
08:12How will I ever shoot a par?
08:14Huh?
08:14I'm trying to shoot a par.
08:16Whose par are you going to shoot, Daddy?
08:19Nobody's par.
08:19I said par.
08:21Not par.
08:22The object of the game is to shoot par.
08:24Why don't you shoot more, Daddy?
08:26Now, don't give me ideas.
08:32Now, just let me drive off this first tee.
08:35People are all staring at us.
08:37All right.
08:38Now, don't make a sound.
08:40Now, here I go.
08:41Knees bent.
08:42I'm shoulder down.
08:44Eye on the ball.
08:47You missed it, Daddy.
08:50Ah, tough course.
08:51Well, I guess this rented driver's no good.
09:00Oh, I wish I had a brassy.
09:02Why?
09:03Well, this cheap outfit only has five sticks.
09:05I usually carry ten.
09:07Why?
09:08Because I need them.
09:10Hagen has about 20.
09:11Alex Morrison has 24.
09:13Charlie Lacey has 26.
09:14And all of us have 31 except February week has 28.
09:18Ain't I smart, Daddy?
09:19Ah, you're very smart.
09:21Now, keep quiet for two minutes and let me hit this ball.
09:24Stand back.
09:25Eye on the ball.
09:27Turn and grip.
09:28Right hand over.
09:30Come back slowly.
09:33Well, go ahead and talk if you're going to.
09:37I ain't going to talk, Daddy.
09:40Okay.
09:41Back slowly.
09:43Daddy!
09:43Oh, why did you do that?
09:46I want to hit the ball.
09:48Wait till we get off this first tee and then I'll let you hit it.
09:51Now, keep quiet.
09:52I'm going to cloud it.
09:54Whee!
09:56Away to go, Snooks.
09:57I didn't see it.
09:59Right under your foot.
10:02Ah.
10:04Guess I'm a little off my game.
10:06I never played so badly before.
10:08Have you ever played before, Daddy?
10:10Yes, I played before, Daddy.
10:13Come on, let's walk down the fairway a little.
10:16These people watching me make me nervous.
10:18Think you're going to hit the ball, Daddy?
10:20Yes, as soon as we get a little close to the hole.
10:22Now, come on.
10:24Walk fast, Snooks.
10:25All right.
10:26Now, I'm going to drop the ball right here.
10:28I'll drop it over my shoulder so I won't be cheating.
10:31There it is.
10:33Now, this is about a four-iron shot.
10:35Head down.
10:36Head down.
10:37Find the ball.
10:37Find the ball.
10:38Sway the head.
10:38Sway the head.
10:39Back slow.
10:39Back slow.
10:40Oh, stop that.
10:42Just turn around for one second.
10:44That's it.
10:46Now.
10:49Did you hit it, Daddy?
10:50And how?
10:51Carried over 60 yards, straight as an arrow.
10:55Except it's a little out of bounds.
10:58Is that good?
10:59Not bad.
11:01Now, come on.
11:01I don't want to lose that ball.
11:02Let me hit it, Dad.
11:04In a minute.
11:05I think the ball went out right about here.
11:08Here's the ball, Daddy.
11:10I found it.
11:11Oh, what a bad lie.
11:12Why, nobody but a professional could make this shot to the green.
11:16Let me do it, Daddy.
11:18All right.
11:19Go ahead, you little smart, Alec.
11:21I bet you won't even move the ball an inch.
11:23Take this club.
11:24Which way shall I hit it?
11:26Well, you see that flag?
11:27Aim for that.
11:28Now, just keep your head down and your eye on the ball and...
11:31No, don't tell me.
11:31Don't tell me.
11:32I want to hit it myself.
11:33Now, go ahead.
11:35Stand back.
11:36Stand back.
11:39Well, I'll be...
11:40What a shot.
11:42Dead to the pin.
11:44No good?
11:46Why, it's a miracle.
11:48Come on.
11:48Let's see how close it is.
11:49All right.
11:51Why, Snooks, look at that ball.
11:54Four inches from the cup.
11:56What do I have to do now, Daddy?
11:58Make it go in that little hole.
11:59Oh, what are you yelling about?
12:03Why didn't you tell me when we were back then?
12:07Ah, come on.
12:07We're going home.
12:08Ah!