- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01On the duke.
00:02We just gotta find that diary.
00:06Nobody's got a gun around.
00:07All right, you guys do it.
00:08Come on.
00:08It's hot pursuit, Don Flies.
00:16Roscoe, I can't hold a gun.
00:17I'm on probation.
00:17Let's go.
00:18Come on.
00:22No, no, no.
00:23Don't do that.
00:34Just a good old boy
00:38Never meaning no harm
00:42Beats all you've never saw
00:43Been in trouble with the law
00:45Since the day they was born
00:48Straightening the curves
00:52Flatening the hills
00:56Someday the mountain might get them
00:58But the law never will
01:01Making their way
01:04The only way they know how
01:08That's just a little bit more
01:11Than the normal life
01:13Just a good old boy
01:17Wouldn't change if they could
01:21Fighting the system
01:23Like a two modern-day Robin Hood
01:42Yes, sir, this is one of them
01:44Clean, crisp, hazard county days
01:46When the duke boys know that
01:47Life is really worth living
01:49Even the general is feeling pretty good
01:51That is, except for a broken brake light
01:53Which in most places
01:55Is a minor traffic violation
01:57But in hazard
01:58It's the same as
01:58Stealing from winners
01:59That is, if you happen to be a duke
02:02Now that ain't no ticket
02:03Old Roscoe's writing
02:05That's Roscoe's secret diary
02:07And if old boss knew what Roscoe's been telling
02:09This diary all these years
02:11He'd have a double conniption fit
02:13Now it says
02:14Dear diary
02:15My little buddy boss
02:17Hog really made a killing
02:19This week again
02:20He made approximately
02:21A $10,000 profit
02:22On some hijacked radio tires
02:25Good talk
02:26But yours truly gets
02:27At least 50% off
02:30Well
02:31I won't
02:32Let's see
02:33I'll make that 30%
02:36You're not gonna
02:37Let me fib to my diary
02:39Are you?
02:40Well, I'll make it 10%
02:43If I'm lucky
02:54Whoa, whoa, whoa
02:55Look at there, fish
02:56There goes those dukes
02:58And they got a taillight out
02:59Good, dude
03:01Whoa, look at this time
03:15I give up
03:16What does he want us for this time?
03:18I don't know
03:18I can always ask him
03:19Uh
03:21Break of one line
03:22For one Roscoe P. Coltrane
03:24Listen, uh
03:25What exactly is it
03:25We supposed to have done wrong this time?
03:27You got a broken taillight
03:28That's a no-no
03:29So just pull it over
03:30You're gonna get a $5 ticket
03:34Roscoe
03:34You have a screw loose or something
03:35That's a
03:36That's the third time
03:37You've tried to use
03:38That phony brake light charge
03:39On us this month
03:40Are you gonna try to use it again?
03:41Now, I'm serious
03:42You got a broken taillight
03:43I mean it
03:44Now pull it over
03:45Well, listen up, Roscoe
03:46If you're gonna try
03:47And stick us with that phony charge
03:48You're gonna have to catch us first
03:50Oh
03:50They're making a run for it
03:51I love it
03:52I love it
03:53It's hot pursuit
03:54Time flash
04:10Luke, this road goes back to the fire
04:11Luke, this road goes back to the fire
04:24What are you leaving Roscoe back to the farm for?
04:27Just for once
04:28I'd like to have Uncle Jesse and Daisy as witnesses
04:31When Roscoe tries to pin us with a phony brake light charge
04:47What are you doing now?
04:49All right
04:50You know, Roscoe's got some cockamamie story about us having a taillight that ain't working
04:54That's right
04:55Well, this too
04:56You know, it ain't
04:57Luke, it ain't working
04:58It's broke
04:59I saw it when you drove in
05:00What do you mean?
05:01It ain't working
05:01Oh, God, I just love it
05:03You're all kin
05:04Put your finger on you
05:06Anyway, you're gonna get a ticket
05:07Don't give it to me
05:08Give it to Luke
05:08He was driving
05:09Now, you were the one who said we got busted for it four times
05:11But you had possession of the steering wheel
05:13Now, where do you suppose old Flash is going with Roscoe's diary?
05:16I could paper my room with these things
05:18Our room
05:19Most dogs would rather bury a bone than a diary
05:22Maybe old Flash is one of them vegetarians
05:24All right
05:26Give me the pen
05:28Give us a copy
05:29I'll give you a copy
05:29Why don't you let me keep the pen?
05:30You keep the blue one
05:32Hush
05:33I know which copy
05:35I love it, I love it, I love it
05:37You got more tickets than I do
05:39All right, let's get out of here
05:41All right
05:42Leap into the car
05:44Just go
05:44Just go right on
05:45And leap right in there
05:48I'm getting awful tired
05:49I'm doing your leaping for you, sweetheart
05:51You just
05:53You know you're getting chubby
05:54Just like Boss Hall
05:56In fact, you're getting fat
05:58But I love you
05:59I love you
06:01All right, now
06:03Not having your car legal ain't funny
06:05So just get it fixed and get to work
06:07And maybe we'll make enough out of this farm to pay your tickets
06:11Sure
06:12Sorry about that, lad
06:14Meanwhile, Boss Hall was paying off them two fellas who hijacked the brand new radial tires
06:19That old Roscoe's been riding about in his diary
06:21All right
06:22There it is, boys
06:24Here's your money
06:25And I want to thank you very, very much for everything
06:28Oh, no, no, no, no, no
06:29There's no need to count it
06:30Listen, like they say around here
06:32When you do business with J.D. Hogg
06:34There's no need to worry
06:35You're $1,000 short of our deal, Hogg
06:38Oh, am I?
06:39Oh, yeah, yeah
06:40So I am
06:41Well, I can explain all that
06:43You see, them hijacked tires of yours
06:45Well, they turned out to be little itty-bitty tires
06:48To go on little itty-bitty phone calls
06:50So I took myself a little itty-bitty discount
06:53And if you don't give us our $1,000
06:55We're just gonna have to take a little itty-bitty out of your hide
06:58Yeah, like knocking them gold feelings out your teeth
07:02That ought to be worth something
07:04Well, wait a minute, wait a minute here
07:05Say, you boys sure don't know nothing about doing business, do you?
07:09I mean, I just decided to give you a break here
07:12You understand?
07:13And besides, I never even did deduct my overhead expenses
07:17You mean like filling your fat belly?
07:20No, sir
07:21I eat like a bird
07:23I'm just naturally plump
07:26Here's your lunch, cousin boss
07:27Ham hocks, deep-fried okra, hush puppies, and red-eye gravy
07:30Now, Cletus, give me this thing
07:33And listen, these gents here are taking up too much of my time as it is
07:37So do your duty and show them the fastest way out of town
07:40No, sir, now we ain't going nowhere till we get our money
07:43That's right
07:44Oh, yeah?
07:45Well, cousin boss says move, you move
07:47Cletus, do it again, only this time use your gun
07:50Oh, yeah?
07:51Cousin boss says move, you move
07:55It worked
07:57Yes
07:58We ain't through with you yet, hog
08:01Oh, yes, you are
08:02Oh, yes, you are
08:06Here
08:09What in some nation is that imbecile doing out there?
08:13Oh, I gotta go stop this
08:15I'll be back
08:17What Roscoe's looking for is his diary
08:20that Flash buried out at the Duke farm
08:25Which is what Flash is saying
08:27If Roscoe would just pay attention
08:29Anything here?
08:30Oh, oh, there's a little car
08:34Roscoe!
08:35What do you think you're doing there?
08:37You're tearing up your car!
08:39You lost your marbles!
08:41No, I didn't lose my marbles
08:43I'll tell you what I lost
08:45I lost my diary
08:46Diary?
08:47Yeah, my little red diary
08:49You keep a diary?
08:50Yeah, well, it's just a little diary
08:52What kind of diary?
08:53The usual diary
08:55The diary that you write everything in
08:57Everything?
08:57What kind of everything?
08:58Did I say everything?
08:59You did
09:00Oh, well, I didn't mean everything
09:01Everything
09:02I meant just little everythings about this and that
09:05This and that?
09:06Well, what kind of this and that?
09:07Did I say this and that?
09:08You did
09:08Well, I didn't mean just this and that
09:10I meant about me and everybody
09:12Everybody!
09:13Everybody!
09:13Who, everybody?
09:14Did I say everybody?
09:15Oh, let's not go through all that again!
09:17Let me get it straight, Uncle Hen
09:18It's me you're writing about in that diary, isn't it?
09:20Well, naturally
09:21You're my little fat buddy
09:22And I just
09:22I wrote in there a little bit
09:23A little, a little, a little
09:25Maybe a little bit
09:26So, old Roscoe told Boss
09:28How he wrote in his diary
09:29Every detail
09:30Right down to the fine frog hair
09:33From the first one-armed bandit operation
09:35Right on down to the present hijacked radial tires
09:40Roscoe, say you didn't
09:41What?
09:41Just say you didn't write all that
09:43Down in your own handwriting?
09:44Well, I didn't write all that down in my own handwriting
09:48King Jack's good
09:49I lied
09:49I know it
09:50I know it
09:50All right
09:51All right
09:51Look, look
09:51We just gotta find that diary
09:53Where was the last place you've seen it?
09:55Uh, uh, the last time I saw it was in my car when I was out at the Duke farm
09:59The Duke farm?
10:00The Duke farm?
10:00All right, all right
10:01Then that's where you lost it
10:02You go, Joe
10:03Now, if them Dukes find that diary
10:05They've got your true confessions
10:07And enough on me to send me up the river for 500 years to life
10:10Or even longer
10:11Yeah
10:11Come on, we gotta get that diary back
10:14Let's get that back seat in there
10:15Then we can get
10:16Now, knock this in
10:17Take that driver's side
10:19You drive with me
10:20All right
10:22All right
10:23All right, get it in there
10:23Come on
10:24Don't move
10:24All right
10:25Come on
10:28Oh, Flash keeps talking
10:30And nobody's listening
10:31You know, sometimes I feel that way myself
10:34All right
10:35Keep in there
10:36Just leap right on
10:38Oh, Flash, I'm telling you
10:41Get that thing in there, will you?
10:43She wants to go
10:44Oh, get that fleek electric
10:46Let's go
10:47Oh, I love this
10:48Hurry up
10:49Yeah
10:51You ready?
10:53Yeah
10:53Let's go
10:53100%
11:03Naturally, old Roscoe's diary was still where old Flash had married it
11:10Hey, Bo
11:12What?
11:12That brake light working?
11:14Yeah, it works fine
11:15You're a genius
11:16All right
11:18What about that wood?
11:19Oh, it doesn't work so good
11:20Got it fixed, huh?
11:22Yeah, it wasn't a burnout bulb after all
11:24This loose wire
11:24All right, all right
11:27Now watch it
11:28Watch it when you stop
11:29How you feel
11:30Oh, it's not
11:32Oh, it's not
11:35Oh, it's not
11:36Oh, it's not
11:37Oh, it's not
11:38Oh, it's not
11:38Oh, it's not
11:38I'll tell you something
11:39I can't believe what you've done with this course
11:42No, I
11:43Nice piece of driving there, Roscoe
11:45Well, of course
11:45All right, J.D., just state your business
11:48Listen, get on
11:49We got chores to do
11:50Jesse, the only chores I want to see out of you, Dukes
11:53Is you giving Roscoe back his diary
11:55Yeah
11:56Diary?
11:56What diary are you talking about?
11:58You know doggone well which diary
12:00The one I lost when I was writing Luke that ticket
12:02Roscoe, was it red and had a little gold clasp on it?
12:06Oh, yeah, that was it
12:07Give it to me
12:07I ain't got it, Roscoe
12:09I know that's the only kind Mr. Rubat sells at a store
12:12So, you must have lost it somewhere else, Roscoe
12:14Besides, what's so important about a dang diary?
12:17Are you kidding me?
12:18I'll tell you what was important
12:20Had all my private little thoughts in there
12:22And I know what you Duke boys were gonna do
12:23You were gonna blackmail Bosch
12:25Where did you get Roscoe's zip?
12:26You talk too late
12:27J.D., we ain't got the diary and that's the end of it
12:30No, it ain't
12:31Out of kind of I ain't buying that story no how
12:33No
12:33So, if you don't give back the diary
12:35I'm having you boys taken in and locked up
12:38Locking us up on what charge?
12:40We don't need a charge
12:41You Duke boys are guilty and hazard canning until proven innocent
12:44Roscoe
12:45Listen, if you want a charge
12:47I got a whole file of charges back in my office
12:49Yes
12:50The first charge is Grand Theft Diary
12:54Roscoe, cuff them Duke boys and stuff
12:55Right
12:56Come on
12:59You see all my things
13:03Get the race
13:05Get the race
13:06Get the race
13:06Get the race
13:08Get the race
13:18Get the race
13:34Come on, come on, come on, come on.
13:54Three cars, two lanes.
13:56And everybody knows that three don't go into two without some pieces left over.
14:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
14:24oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
14:25She's not used to those sudden stops, either.
14:28Well, I'll tell you, we're in the free and clear now, cousin.
14:33Hang on to her.
14:37Damn it.
14:39Whew.
14:41Why is it that every time we think we're in the free and clear, something like this happens?
14:47I don't know.
14:48Well, that dang Roscoe's diary's already cost us a tire.
14:51And what worries me more is that pile of charges boss got against us.
14:54I wonder why he kept the secret so long.
14:56I'll get the keys.
14:58The tire ain't gonna change itself.
14:59Now, meanwhile, old Jesse and Daisy kept up with the chores,
15:03even though inside they were plumped up
15:05with what old boss and Roscoe was doing to Bo and Lou.
15:07All right, Bonnie May, let's get with it.
15:09It's time to get milked.
15:11Uncle Jesse, take it easy.
15:13Bonnie May's not the one you're really angry at.
15:15Well, you're right about that, girl.
15:17I'm sorry, dear.
15:18Let's go.
15:19We'll take...
15:22We'll take...
15:25Hey, would you look at this?
15:33Roscoe's diary?
15:33It must be.
15:35Like I said, this is the only kind that Mr. Ruebottom sells in his store.
15:38Just make sure I'm gonna read it.
15:39No, no, it's the first case.
15:40Daisy, we can't.
15:41It's private.
15:42It's...
15:44It's private.
15:45And I'll bet you the way old J.D. was after this,
15:49that every rotten deal that the two of them ever made
15:52is ripped down right inside of here.
15:54And, you know, I'll bet you're thinking that boss wants it bad enough
15:56that he's gonna let Bo and Lou out the hook for this, huh?
15:58That's exactly what I am thinking.
16:01And I think you nearly ate it, Bonnie May.
16:03Well, it's a good thing you didn't, Bonnie May,
16:04because what's written in here would have made you sick to your stomach.
16:09Let's give old J.D. a call.
16:10Yeah, and let me take care of this for you.
16:12No, no, no, you don't.
16:13I know what you're up to.
16:15Now, friends, that's integrity.
16:18Let it down easy now.
16:20I'll get it.
16:20Let me slide off that jet.
16:21Oh, for Pete's sake, the spare's flat.
16:28Well, it looks like one of us is gonna have to go get the pump
16:30and pump it full air.
16:31I'll get the pump.
16:31We're both pumped.
16:32Yeah, that's right, J.D.
16:33I found Roscoe's diary.
16:36The right word was there.
16:37Listen, Jesse, this is Roscoe.
16:39I don't want you reading any of my personal thoughts,
16:42especially about my mama reading Jack and the Beans talk to me at night
16:45to get me to sleep.
16:46That ain't none of your business.
16:47Give me this thing.
16:48No, I didn't read it, Roscoe, and I got no mind to read it.
16:51Look, I hope you ain't read about Roscoe's teddy bear.
16:53None of that stuff, you know, Jesse.
16:55No, I didn't read about no teddy bear.
16:57Now, I'll tell you what I want to do, J.D.
17:00I want to make a deal with you.
17:01Uh, I'll give you this here diary
17:03if you'll drop all them charges you say you got against my boys.
17:07Now, is that a deal?
17:08Like I said, that book is just about Roscoe's teddy bear
17:11and all that stuff.
17:12Well, now, look who else has got their ears on
17:15for this conversation.
17:16Them old boys that bossed double-crossed.
17:18J.D., if we got us a deal or not, I'm a-waitin'.
17:21How can I be sure that you ain't really read Roscoe's diary
17:24from cover to cover,
17:26and you're just waitin' to use Roscoe's words
17:28against him in a court of law?
17:30J.D., because I say I didn't read it.
17:33And I got more integrity in my little pinky
17:35than you got in your whole body.
17:37If I say I didn't read it, I didn't read it.
17:40All right, all right, it's a deal,
17:41only we're gonna spit and shake on it first.
17:43All right, I'm a-spittin'.
17:46And I'm a-spittin'.
17:47And I'm a-shakin'.
17:49And I'm a-shakin'.
17:50Done.
17:51Done!
17:52Oh, I'm proud of you.
17:54Now, listen, Jesse,
17:56you just get that diary over here lickety-splits, you hear?
17:58And I mean lickety-spit.
18:00All right, J.D., I'm a-comin' in.
18:02Now, I'm comin' down the old mill road,
18:03so you tell Roscoe and Cleetis
18:05to take in all their speed traps.
18:07You got that?
18:09He's gone.
18:10Oh, you know something?
18:12Nobody ever read about my teddy bear before.
18:15Yeah, and nobody would have
18:16if you hadn't put it in writing.
18:19Well...
18:19And it didn't take much thinkin' to figure out
18:22what was in that diary, too.
18:24And just how they could use it
18:25to get back at Boss for double-crossin' them.
18:27That diary can get us that thousand bucks
18:29hog owes us and then some, Avery.
18:31You know, just as Duke say,
18:33he'd be comin' round old mill road.
18:36Let's do it.
18:46Jesse didn't know that he had
18:47a whole truckload of trouble
18:48headin' his way
18:49as he talked to Bo and Luke
18:51and told them about
18:52Bonnie May finding Roscoe's diary
18:54and his deal with Boss
18:55to drop all the charges against him.
18:57Listen, so when you boys
18:58get through there
18:59while you hightail it over
19:00to J.D.'s office,
19:02I'll meet you there.
19:03And we'll get this whole thing
19:05settled and get back to doing it.
19:06What are we supposed to be doing?
19:08Running a farm.
19:09This is Shepard.
19:10Clear.
19:41Well, it's just about here
19:43where that load of trouble
19:44caught up with Jesse.
19:46Must be here.
19:49Run him off.
19:52Run him off.
19:57Now, Jesse didn't know
19:59who them fellas were,
20:00but it was pretty plain to see
20:01that their intentions
20:02were a mite malicious.
20:04Dad, looks like I got myself
20:06some company.
20:08All right, boy.
20:10Just see how good you are.
20:22Prove it, Avery.
20:23You're losing.
20:34I'll cut my teeth
20:36on the likes of you.
20:37I'll just keep you with me
20:38a little while
20:39and then you'll wonder
20:40what happened to Uncle Jesse.
20:41Friends, it takes an awful good man
20:43to catch an old ridge runner
20:45like Jesse.
20:46However,
20:47what was chasing
20:47wasn't the problem.
21:00Stay in the road.
21:02They ought to be made
21:04to come out.
21:05Oh,
21:07hold that spot.
21:16Daddy.
21:17All right.
21:18Duke.
21:19We'll take that diary.
21:21What diary?
21:22Look in the truck.
21:24Who are you fellas?
21:30It ain't in there.
21:32You must have it on him.
21:33Hand it over, Duke.
21:35I don't know
21:36what you're talking about.
21:37Listen, fellas,
21:39I need a doctor bad.
21:46That hurt.
21:48I'm real sorry
21:49we got to leave you
21:50like that.
21:51Come on,
21:51let's go.
22:02Get to that seat, mate.
22:13look at her toenails.
22:15Look at her toenails.
22:17They just shot.
22:18What?
22:18Oh, but...
22:21Daddy.
22:22Daddy,
22:23you scared your balls.
22:24Gee,
22:25listen,
22:25those are your diggers.
22:26What are you doing?
22:27They're cuticles.
22:29What are you?
22:30Oh,
22:30there's another one here.
22:31Yeah.
22:32You trim your cuticle.
22:35You got a long cuticle
22:36with a long cuticle.
22:39Oh,
22:39hi,
22:39y'all.
22:40Where's Uncle Jesse?
22:40Well,
22:41I was just asking myself
22:42the same question.
22:44Well,
22:44something's wrong.
22:45He should have beat us here
22:46by five minutes.
22:46So he should.
22:47And if he ain't here
22:48in two minutes
22:49with Roscoe's diary,
22:51you boys are headed
22:51straight for the Hooskow.
22:53You see,
22:53I knew we couldn't trust
22:54you Duke boys.
22:55Well,
22:55hold on just a minute.
22:56Now,
22:56Uncle Jesse gave his word
22:57he'll be here
22:58and he'll be here.
22:59Sheffered a lost sheep.
23:01Sheffered a lost sheep.
23:03Sheffered a lost sheep.
23:05Sheffered a lost sheep.
23:06You out there,
23:07come in.
23:08Sir's Luke,
23:08Uncle Jesse.
23:09What's wrong?
23:09Where are you at?
23:10I'm on the Old Mill Road
23:11right near Sutter's Creek.
23:14It seems I kind of
23:15got my ankle out of the joint.
23:16I stepped in a gopher hole
23:18or something here.
23:19Some fellas tried
23:20to run me off the road
23:21and-
23:21Their diary!
23:22Roscoe's diary, Jesse.
23:23Where is it?
23:24They took it.
23:25Oh,
23:25there's a Saturday in them.
23:27They took it.
23:27What?
23:28Uncle Jesse,
23:28listen,
23:29look at me around the way.
23:30Don't you move.
23:30Yeah, but-
23:31Oh,
23:31wait a minute.
23:32Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
23:33Wait a minute.
23:34You boys ain't going nowhere
23:35but jail.
23:36Roscoe,
23:36you know where the ploy is?
23:37Well, no, it's, uh-
23:38You're looking at one.
23:39Caller,
23:40this is a ploy
23:40by these dukes
23:41to get back
23:41that pile of charges
23:42I gotta get.
23:43Now, wait a minute, boys.
23:45Roscoe, lock them up.
23:45All right.
23:46Freeze, you boys.
23:48Listen,
23:48just move it.
23:49Roscoe,
23:49you hurt Uncle Jesse
23:50on the CB.
23:50He hurt himself.
23:51Get over there
23:52and get in that cell.
23:52We can't sit around here
23:53on Uncle Jesse.
23:54Just push it right there.
23:57Roscoe,
23:58I can't hold a gun.
23:58I'm on probate.
23:59Oh, no,
24:00don't pull that gun in there.
24:01Clean it, clean it.
24:02Get after him.
24:02I ain't got a gun either.
24:04Nobody's got a gun.
24:05Clean it.
24:06Freeze.
24:07All right,
24:07let's get the guns
24:08and get after him.
24:09All right,
24:10you guys do it.
24:10Come on,
24:11get him,
24:11get him after him.
24:12Stop, my kiddies.
24:13Get in there.
24:14Stop, my kiddies.
24:19Get in there.
24:28Looks like old Roscoe
24:30watched the same cowboy movies
24:32tonight.
24:34You scuffed my posterior
24:36and you scuffed my wife.
24:38You're lucky.
24:39Get out of here.
24:41Follow me.
24:43Follow your leader.
24:59Jesse,
24:59this here's Luke.
25:00We're on our way.
25:01Can you hear me?
25:02I hear you, Luke.
25:03Shoot up Plainville Road.
25:05That'll save us
25:05a couple of miles.
25:15Hot percent,
25:16hot percent.
25:19Okay, Charlie,
25:20yeah,
25:20raise it up there.
25:22Easy now.
25:29Raise it on up.
25:30Yeah, easy.
25:31Easy now.
25:32That's it.
25:32You got it.
25:34Well, what in the heck
25:39is that?
25:41Hey, look out!
25:45Look out?
25:46What good would that do?
25:53Hang on.
25:58Oh, no!
26:00Did you?
26:01Oh, what a scuff.
26:03Real, you dipstick!
26:05You see what you...
26:06Get that big oversized toothpick
26:08off of my feet!
26:09That's a big pole.
26:11You don't know what
26:11that could have done
26:12to my...
26:13Get out of here!
26:16Don't let me crash!
26:17No!
26:26Hey, right over there.
26:27There he is.
26:33I'm glad to see you.
26:34I'm glad to see you, too.
26:36How bad is it, Uncle Jesse?
26:38Well, it's a long ways
26:39from my heart,
26:40but it sure does hurt.
26:42Hey, you might have torn
26:43something pretty bad.
26:44We better get you
26:44Doc Appleby.
26:45Don't put no weight on it.
26:48I'm glad to see you, boy.
26:49You can give us a hand here.
26:50Give us a hand with Uncle Jesse,
26:51will you?
26:51All right.
26:53There he is.
26:54Looks like old Doc Appleby's
26:55gonna have to make a house call
26:57to the jailhouse.
26:58Just be careful now, Doc.
27:00Uncle Jesse, hi.
27:02You okay?
27:03Well, I'm fine, fine, fine.
27:05Just...
27:06Will you watch it?
27:07Daisy came running over
27:08from the boar's nest
27:09when she heard
27:10what had happened
27:10to Uncle Jesse.
27:11All the boys could do
27:12from that cell
27:13was just watch and wonder
27:14what Boss Hogg
27:15had in mind for them
27:16this time.
27:17Get out of here.
27:17Moscow, do you believe
27:19Jesse's cock and bull story
27:20about being ambushed
27:21for that diary?
27:22Uh, I do.
27:23So do I.
27:24Do you?
27:24Yeah, but don't you ever,
27:26ever, ever tell him
27:27I said so.
27:27No, I won't.
27:28The question is,
27:29who else would want
27:30to use that diary against me?
27:32Well, just about
27:32anybody in town.
27:33Oh, there's a phone.
27:36J.D. Hall.
27:37We ain't through
27:37with you yet.
27:38Yeah, Avery and me,
27:39we got this little red book
27:42we think you might
27:42be interested in.
27:43Oh, what, what?
27:45Avery and Hadley
27:46have got their hands
27:47in that diary of yours.
27:48Are you kidding?
27:50Uh, say about the diary,
27:51uh, how do we know
27:53that we're talking
27:53about the one
27:54in the same book?
27:55Well, I could, uh,
27:56read a page or two
27:57of what's in it.
27:59Well, it says here
28:00how, uh,
28:01Boss ran a stolen
28:02car operation
28:03in 1978.
28:05That's you,
28:05that's you near.
28:06Oh.
28:06How he robbed
28:07his own bank
28:08for the insurance money
28:09in 1979.
28:10Oh, no.
28:12Oh, we figured
28:13this could make
28:13real nice reading
28:14for the federal
28:15marshal in Atlanta.
28:16Oh, no, no, no,
28:17don't do that.
28:18Don't do that.
28:18All right, all right.
28:19How much?
28:20$25,000.
28:21Deliver it in small bills
28:23to the Sycamore Road
28:23dead end in one hour.
28:25And no funny business.
28:27Because you know
28:27how good Avery is
28:28with a gun.
28:32They're blackmailing me
28:32for that dagblasted
28:34dumb diary of yours.
28:35I know it.
28:35Oh, Jim.
28:36Ah, what you got here?
28:37Get me out of this thing.
28:38Sorry about that.
28:39Oh, you caught me out there.
28:41Oh, listen, boss.
28:42Listen, listen.
28:44I am just terribly sorry.
28:45Yeah, well, being sorry
28:46ain't gonna save me
28:47from paying out
28:4825,000 simoleons
28:49of my hard-earned money.
28:51Well, maybe if...
28:51Legal or illegal.
28:52Maybe, you know,
28:53if I could pay...
28:54Illegal money.
28:55Illegal money.
28:56Illegal money.
28:56Oh, I got it.
28:57I got it.
28:58Oh, listen, listen.
29:00We still have lots
29:00of that old counterfeit money
29:02down in the evidence
29:02being doing.
29:03Yeah, it's down there, but...
29:04Oh, but me nothing.
29:05But me nothing.
29:05Listen, you go get it.
29:07Because that's what
29:07I'm paying off
29:08Avery and Hadley with.
29:10Are you kidding?
29:10Listen, if they find out
29:12that's funny money,
29:13that's gonna be hazardous
29:14to anybody that delivers it.
29:15Yeah, I know, I know.
29:16That's why I'm gonna have
29:18the Duke boys deliver it for me.
29:20Oh, did you do that?
29:21In exchange for their freedom.
29:23Oh, that's brilliant.
29:26You fat little middle muffin.
29:27I just love you.
29:28I just love you.
29:30Well, all right, Jesse.
29:31I'll cut you back in one piece.
29:33Hey, G.D.,
29:34now you can just
29:35let them boys out of jail
29:36because when I tell you
29:37them fellas bushwhacked me
29:38and ran me off the road,
29:40that's a living truth
29:41and you know it.
29:42Well, of course I do, Jesse.
29:44In fact, I just heard from them
29:45and you know what?
29:46They want $25,000
29:48in return for Roscoe's diary.
29:50Yeah, my guess is
29:51they're just partners here, boys.
29:53Partners?
29:54Oh, now, wait a minute.
29:54They ain't no partners of ours.
29:56Yeah, we don't even know
29:56who the heck you're talking about.
29:58Well, then prove it.
29:59How?
30:00You just deliver that money
30:01to them fellas
30:02or whoever they are
30:03and bring back Roscoe's diary.
30:04They know to prove
30:05you're innocent.
30:06What are we gonna get
30:07out of that, boss?
30:08You'll get a jail free.
30:09How's that going down with you?
30:10Plus, I'll destroy
30:12that big file of charges
30:13I got against you.
30:14Roscoe, go show them that file.
30:16Now, boys, boys,
30:17don't you listen to J.D.
30:19He's gotta have
30:20something up his sleeve.
30:21Bull sleeves more than likely.
30:22Oh, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse,
30:24the only thing
30:24I got up my sleeve
30:25is a one-way ticket
30:27to the state pen
30:28if you boys
30:28don't bring back that diary.
30:30Uncle Jesse,
30:30we gotta take the chance.
30:32All right, boss,
30:33we'll deliver the money for you
30:34and we'll get
30:35that dang diary back.
30:36Well, there's more like it.
30:37All right, come on.
30:38Let's go get that money.
30:41Daisy, why don't you make sure
30:42Uncle Jesse gets home
30:42okay on that foot?
30:43Yeah, you bet I will.
30:45You boys,
30:46I still don't like
30:47what you're doing,
30:48but be careful.
30:50Jesse headed home
30:51to Daisy's tender,
30:53loving care.
30:53Get my shoe.
30:54Roscoe went to put
30:55that phony $25,000 together
30:57and all Bo and Luke
30:59could do was just
30:59sit there
31:00like a sack of grits,
31:01just like these two fellas
31:03waiting for boss
31:04and that money.
31:05Boss gave Bo and Luke
31:06the bag filled
31:07with the money
31:07and sent them out
31:08to meet them fellas
31:09to bring back
31:10old Roscoe's diary.
31:11Where are we supposed
31:11to meet these guys?
31:12Well, they say
31:13they'll be waiting for you
31:14as Sigamore Road did end.
31:16But don't you give them
31:17the money
31:17until you get your hands
31:18on the diary.
31:19And once you got
31:20the diary,
31:21I'm sure Roscoe
31:22wants you to
31:23keep your nosy eyes
31:25out of it.
31:26That's it.
31:26I don't want you reading
31:27about my teddy bear.
31:28Oh, hush.
31:29Well, he'll read
31:29about your rubber ducky.
31:30Hush!
31:31This time I mean it!
31:33Roscoe, you sure
31:33I'm making that diary
31:34awful tempting to read?
31:35Well, there's page
31:36four you can read.
31:37Oh, would you just zip up?
31:38Yeah, here,
31:39take the money.
31:39Can I have it now?
31:40Here, get started.
31:41And you bring back
31:42that diary.
31:43Unread.
31:44Now get.
31:45Yes, sir.
31:45All righty.
31:46Page four, huh?
31:47You want to get
31:48an interchange to your wrist.
31:49Oh, they couldn't get it.
31:51Oh, they're going to take it.
31:55Oh!
31:58Bo!
31:58What?
31:59Spare the paint job.
32:00We ain't in a rush.
32:02Oh, yeah.
32:04You're right.
32:06I'm going to gun
32:06them tires, though.
32:19There must be
32:19something awful, awful
32:20important in that diary
32:21to bust apart
32:22with that kind of money.
32:23I don't feel
32:24nothing too good
32:24about it, either.
32:26It just don't seem right.
32:36I hear a car coming.
32:39You know what to do.
32:41I know what to do.
33:02All right, that's far enough.
33:04Avery?
33:07All right.
33:09Now, listen.
33:10We got your money.
33:12I'm moving, all right?
33:15Where's the diary?
33:16I don't know you two.
33:17Why didn't Boss Hogg come himself?
33:19Just lazy, I guess.
33:21Hey, look,
33:22we're not trying to pull anything.
33:23All we want is that diary.
33:24You'll get the money,
33:25we'll be on our way.
33:25Yeah, but not till we teach you
33:26a lesson for ganging up
33:27on our uncle.
33:28Easy, Bo.
33:29That ain't what we came here for.
33:30Yeah, take it easy
33:31and hand over that money.
33:33We want to see that diary first.
33:37See it?
33:38Now, let's take a look
33:38at that money.
33:40All right, here you go.
33:46All that money
33:47looked beautiful.
33:48Go on, give him the diary.
33:49Let's get out of here.
33:50Yeah, I would,
33:51if it was real.
33:53But it ain't.
33:54Here, feel it.
33:55Feels good enough,
33:56but it ain't good enough.
33:58Look at these
33:59slightly smudged serial numbers.
34:01The USA is a lot more neat
34:03than that.
34:04We've been had.
34:20That's dirty, don't it?
34:21I've lost my gun.
34:22Come on, let's get out of here.
34:27Bo, can you drive?
34:28I ain't quite feeling up to it.
34:30I can't see nothing.
34:30Let's get going.
34:31Come on.
34:32One thing the boys knew for sure,
34:34if they didn't bring
34:35that diary back to boss,
34:36he'd throw his own book at them,
34:38figure that they was in
34:39with them fellers after all.
35:01You all right?
35:02I think so.
35:03Once I start breathing,
35:04I'll feel a lot better.
35:19Okay, they're heading up here
35:20or head rope.
35:37What's wrong?
35:39I don't think this dang thing
35:40gonna make it up this heat.
35:44Slow him down.
35:48Try the emergency brake.
35:49I did.
35:52He ain't working either.
35:53You're backing up, Adam.
35:54You better reconsider.
35:55Uh-huh.
35:58Get out of the way!
36:11We're gonna go over to the edge.
36:12Jump for it, Avery.
36:15Quick, I smell gas!
36:17Well, thank goodness
36:18they got out of there all right.
36:20But Roscoe's diary didn't.
36:25You know,
36:26some days nothing goes right.
36:47All right, Mr. Mell, where's that diary at?
36:52You want it?
36:54Go get it.
36:56Go get it.
36:56Are you kidding me?
36:57Come on.
37:00Hold on, Paul.
37:01Come on.
37:02They ain't worth nothing to us now.
37:05Neither is that diary.
37:07No, that's for sure.
37:11Well, the boys started back to town
37:13to tell Boss and Roscoe
37:14the good news about the diary burning up.
37:17But then old Luke thought of something.
37:19Well, there ain't no reason
37:20for us to drive back into town
37:22until Boss's diary burned up.
37:24Give me one good reason why not.
37:26We never believed us before.
37:27Why should we start now?
37:29That's one good reason.
37:31We still gonna think we read the thing
37:32and we're out to black.
37:33And he's still got that file of charges
37:34to hold over our head.
37:36How the heck are we gonna get
37:37that thing away from him?
37:39I only wish I knew.
37:41You know, if Boss had only seen
37:42that diary burn up
37:42with his own beady little eyes,
37:44we'd be out of this mess.
37:53What'd we stop for?
37:55I think you might have just hit
37:56the nail on the head.
38:00How'd I do that?
38:02Well, what if Boss did get
38:04to see that diary destroyed?
38:05Are you crazy?
38:06We just saw the dang thing
38:07burn up with our own eyes.
38:08Yeah, but he didn't.
38:10What we gotta do is
38:10get ourselves another diary
38:12and then let him see it get destroyed.
38:14Like, like that.
38:22Oh, no, wait a minute.
38:23Now, how are we gonna get him
38:24out here to see it?
38:26That's gonna take a little planning.
38:29I've got an idea.
38:33Daisy, got your ears on?
38:36Now, part of Luke's plan
38:37was to get Daisy to make a special trip
38:39over to Rue Bottom's general store
38:41and buy another red diary
38:42just like Roscoe's
38:44and meet the boys
38:45over at Cooter's garage.
38:47All right.
38:48Hey.
38:48Hey, fellas.
38:50Here you go.
38:50Daisy, all right.
38:51Oh, that's perfect.
38:53Anything else you want me to do?
38:54No, you just make sure
38:55Uncle Jesse's okay, all right?
38:56Oh, I'll make sure
38:56he's off that foot.
38:58Okay.
38:58And, hey, good luck, huh?
39:00Thanks a lot.
39:02Time to call boss.
39:03Mabel, can you get me boss hog
39:05over there at his city hall office?
39:07You know, I'm gonna get me
39:07a ringside seat for this time.
39:09Boss hog, this is Luke Duke.
39:10Luke, Luke, yeah, how you doing?
39:12Let's see.
39:12You boys have any trouble or anything?
39:14I mean, have you got the diary?
39:16Yeah, we got the diary, all right.
39:17Oh, they got the diary!
39:18They got the diary!
39:21Well, all right.
39:22Well, then, why aren't you
39:23bringing it over here
39:23instead of calling?
39:25I know.
39:26This time you actually
39:28read that there diary,
39:29and now you're playing
39:30it to blackmail poor old Rosco
39:32because of it, ain't you?
39:34Or maybe you're gonna use it
39:35to blackmail me, huh?
39:36Yeah, naughty, naughty.
39:36All right, how much?
39:37We didn't read it,
39:39and we don't want any money for it.
39:40Uncle Jesse brought us up
39:41better than that.
39:42Yeah, that's right.
39:43Your Uncle Jesse,
39:44he is an honorable man,
39:45and I sure hope that honor
39:46runs in the family.
39:47They didn't read it.
39:49They didn't read it.
39:49So they say.
39:50Yeah, you are.
39:50All right, then,
39:51what are you calling me for?
39:52Now, hold on.
39:53I just want to check
39:54the original deal.
39:55Now, when we give you the diary,
39:57you give us that file
39:58of charges against us, right?
39:59Yeah, right, right.
40:00That's our deal.
40:01You just bring me that diary,
40:02and we'll forget everything.
40:04You won't forget.
40:05You have that diary
40:06in your hot little hands
40:06before you know it.
40:07All right.
40:08They're bringing it right over.
40:09Oh, good.
40:09Yeah.
40:10Let's go, boys.
40:11All right.
40:11This I gotta see.
40:14Knock, knock, knock.
40:15Come in.
40:16Come in.
40:17Get this through.
40:18There it is.
40:18There it is.
40:19All right, school's diary.
40:20Now, hand over that charge file.
40:22Oh.
40:22All right, all right.
40:23Fair exchange.
40:24That for this.
40:25This for that.
40:26That for this.
40:26Give it here.
40:27Now, come on.
40:28I ain't sure I trust you.
40:29Hand me that first.
40:30Oh, listen.
40:30I have a humongous idea.
40:32Listen.
40:32On the count of three
40:33you both exchange, okay?
40:35Agreed.
40:36All right.
40:36Okay.
40:37One, two.
40:39I didn't say three.
40:40You're cheating.
40:40Now, you wait a minute.
40:41I've been thinking about it.
40:42Ever since I can remember,
40:43you've been trying to snooker us,
40:44Dukes, at everything we own.
40:45I think it's about time
40:46you paid for it, boss.
40:47Oh, Bo, listen.
40:47We had a deal about that.
40:49No, sir.
40:49You made a deal with Luke.
40:50You never talked to me about nothing.
40:51Listen, Bo.
40:52Give me...
40:53I'm going to take care of this.
40:55Now, listen, Bo, Duke.
40:56I don't take kindly to you
40:57making me look like a fool.
40:58Now, I promised that man
40:59I was going to hand him that diary.
41:00Luke, it seems to me
41:01that you'd be on my side.
41:02He's been trying to snooker us
41:03out of everything we own.
41:04I ain't going to give it back
41:05to you, neither,
41:05not unless you pay for it.
41:06Now, you're going to stand
41:06in front of that door or what?
41:07Listen, you think you're
41:08man enough to go through me?
41:09You go ahead.
41:09I think I can go through you.
41:13Take care of me not to give him
41:14that diary.
41:15Oh, I do.
41:15I do.
41:16I do.
41:17I do.
41:19Read a minute.
41:19Oh, we're going to get in the night.
41:22Bobby, you're overactive.
41:24I'm sorry.
41:24Let's move.
41:25Oh, we're out of the towards that way.
41:28Oh, gosh, for work.
41:29I got milk crunching in there, dude.
41:30Oh, I'm out of the way.
41:32Oh, hey.
41:33Hey.
41:34Hey.
41:35Oh, hey.
41:36Oh, hey.
41:36Oh, hey.
41:37Oh, hey.
41:39I don't give us back to the diary.
41:41Oh, hey.
41:42That's smart.
41:43Oh, boy.
41:44Oh, hey.
41:45Oh, hey.
41:46Oh, hey.
41:47Oh, hey.
41:47Oh, hey.
41:48Oh, hey.
41:48Oh, hey.
41:48Oh, hey.
41:49Oh, hey.
41:49You and me are through permanent.
41:51That's you, boss.
41:53If you ever want to see this diary again, you're going to have to pay me real good for it.
41:55You got it?
41:58Wait a minute.
41:59Wait a minute.
42:06Wait a minute.
42:11Hold on, Ross.
42:12Let me drive.
42:13What?
42:13I know every move with that double-dealing, double-crossing cousin of mine.
42:16Good idea.
42:17Let him drive.
42:17Are you kidding?
42:18He can't drive.
42:19He's no lawman.
42:21He can't drive the sheriff's car.
42:22Well, then deputize me.
42:23You're deputizing him.
42:24The diary's getting away.
42:25I can't just go poof.
42:26You're a deputy.
42:27Go poof or you're fired.
42:29Poof.
42:29You're a deputy.
42:30Come on.
42:30Come on.
42:30Let's go.
42:32In here.
42:33Here.
42:38Here we go.
42:40Oh, man.
42:41Oh, man.
42:41Oh, man.
42:41Oh, man.
42:42Oh, man.
42:42Oh, man.
42:42Oh, man.
42:42Oh, man.
42:42Oh, man.
42:42Oh, man.
42:43Oh, man.
42:43Oh, man.
42:43Oh, man.
42:45Oh, man.
42:46Oh, man.
42:46Oh, man.
42:50Good as y'all did enjoy the boy's performance, but it wasn't over yet.
42:59I know a boy's going to try and lose us up Cottontail Road.
43:05Here he is.
43:07Ow!
43:08Oh, man.
43:09Oh, man.
43:12Oh, man.
43:12Oh, man.
43:12Oh, man.
43:13Oh, man.
43:14Oh, man.
43:15Oh, man.
43:16First off, you've got to learn how to drive in order to do that.
43:21Uh, you know, it sounds like they mean that.
43:24Are you sure they're acting?
43:25Oh, I'm positive, Uncle Jesse.
43:39Shit, he's gonna jump.
43:40Oh, oh, oh!
43:42Yeah!
43:45Whoo-hoo!
43:46Here we go!
43:47Whoo-hoo-hoo!
43:50Whoo-hoo-hoo!
43:51Oh, no!
43:52Hey!
43:55Come on, get out of here!
43:57All right, come on, get out of here!
43:59Go get him! Go get him!
44:00All right, I'll go. Hand over that diary.
44:02You gotta come get it, Luke.
44:04All right, get out of here!
44:13All right.
44:15You win.
44:17There's your diary.
44:19Good work, good work, Luke!
44:20Now, just hand over the diary.
44:22Set that file charge right there.
44:24Huh?
44:24Set the file of charges on the General Lee and back up.
44:26All right, all right. Yeah, we had a deal. There it is.
44:29Now, take a little step back.
44:30Oh, step back. What are you gonna do, throw it?
44:31All right, well, toss it to me.
44:33Here you go. Catch!
44:33Whoo-hoo-hoo!
44:37My diary!
44:38My precious little diary.
44:39All my precious memory's gone.
44:41Oh, quit your crying.
44:43Most of what you wrote there was about me, wasn't it?
44:44Well, you are a fat little memory.
44:46Ah, dang.
44:46Good riddance to that thing.
44:48Oh.
44:48And now that that diary has all been shredded in these bitty little pieces,
44:52there's no reason for you boys to keep that file of charges against you.
44:54So hand it on.
44:55That ain't our fault you couldn't catch that diary.
44:57Oh, Roscoe, just go get him, brother.
44:59Give me that file.
45:01Oh, look at that!
45:02Oh, look at that!
45:05Oh, look at that!
45:07Oh, look at that!
45:08Oh, look at that!
45:08It's your fault.
45:09It's your fault.
45:10I mean, it took me twenty years of squeezing the pigeon
45:12and doing everything to get all them charges on them.
45:15Well, now the boys finished up the little playlet
45:17by making up with each other in front of Boss and Roscoe.
45:21Old Boss made Roscoe promise that he'd never write anything on paper again
45:25unless it was a citation against the Dukes,
45:28which meant starting up a whole new pile of charges against them.
45:33Jesse and Daisy just loved hearing the whole story about all that play action.
45:37You know, them Duke boys ain't having bad.
45:41That is, for Hazard County.
45:51Must see.
46:16Wilson!
46:18Schluss
46:24Oh, yeah, yeah, dude.
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