- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00On the Duke!
00:05What a homely baby!
00:08You married me for my money!
00:10That was the only way to get it.
00:17J.D., your day of reckoning is accomplished!
00:21This is a challenge to you!
00:34Just a good old boy
00:38Never meaning no harm
00:42Beats all you never saw
00:43Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born
00:48Straightening the curves
00:52Flatening the hills
00:56Someday the mountain might get them, but the law never will
01:01Making their way
01:04The only way they know how
01:08That's just a little bit more than the law will allow
01:13Just a good old boy
01:17Wouldn't change if they could
01:21Fighting the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood
01:26Yee-hoo!
01:31Whoa, now!
01:33I know it looks awful peaceful
01:34And it don't look much like Hazard with nobody chasing anybody or nothin'
01:37Well, friends and neighbors, it's been that way all week
01:40With old Roscoe away at the Sheriff's Convention
01:42And Boss Hogg acting almost human
01:44Why, even old Cletus, he ain't even chased a general once in a whole week
01:47As they say in them old war movies
01:49It's quiet
01:50Too quiet
01:52I don't get it
01:53We keep driving in and out of Roscoe's favorite speed trap
01:55And Cletus just acts like we ain't even there
01:58Well, we ain't exactly speeding
02:00Never needed that as an excuse before
02:03Don't look like it needs an excuse now, either
02:06Now that's more life
02:14Why don't we pull over to the side of the road and see what he wants for a change
02:17That ought to surprise him
02:18Try it
02:38Hi, fellas
02:39Cletus
02:40I'm sorry to have to pull you over, but you've really gone and done it this time
02:43We wanna know, what did we do?
02:45Uh, you dropped this mirror about a half-mile back
02:48I think you ought to hang on to it, you might need it sometime
02:52Thanks
02:52Thanks a lot, Cletus
02:53It's okay, have a good day
02:54You too
02:56I ain't believe in that
03:00I ain't believe in that, either
03:02Tour bus
03:05Ha-ha
03:05What in the world could anybody wanna see her do in Hazard County?
03:09You got me
03:10Woo!
03:11Maybe they're just passing through
03:13For the answer to that
03:15Y'all gotta look at
03:16The old Hazard livery stable
03:18Boss Hogg has done turned into a county memorial historical site
03:22And gambling casino
03:24Another new shooter coming up
03:25Get that present here, cowboy
03:27Where's your best, ladies and gentlemen?
03:31And we have a winner!
03:32The cowboy rolls assembly
03:35$50 on that
03:36I'll take this
03:36That was nothing
03:38Business sure is moving in there, ain't it?
03:42Yes, sir, e-ball, Mr. Lacey
03:44You and your boys sure are lucky that you had my old livery stable here
03:47To set up your gambling casino in
03:49I mean, like you said, you just couldn't find no safe place nowhere else
03:52What with that state crime commission on gambling cracking down everywhere
03:56You're being well taken care of, Hogg
03:59A thirty percent of a daily take is a pretty good rent for this place
04:02And you know something?
04:04That thirty percent is getting you some high-class police protection, too
04:08That thirty percent
04:09I mean, it wasn't easy or cheap to buy off Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane
04:13You know, siree
04:14That man sure drives a hard barber
04:17If you're looking for a raise, Hogg
04:19Forget it
04:20Yeah
04:23Yeah
04:24It's for you
04:25Huh?
04:26Oh, for me?
04:26Well, who knows how in here?
04:27J.D. Hall
04:29Oh
04:29Uh, uh, yeah?
04:31Well, uh, you sure of that?
04:33All right
04:33Thank you, appreciate it
04:35See, I just got a tip
04:37Ain't that funny?
04:38The state crime commission on gambling's gonna poke their nose in the heads of county this very afternoon
04:43Well
04:45It looks like we better close down and move on
04:48Hey, wait a minute
04:49There's no need for this
04:50Give me that
04:51Dang
04:52Listen
04:52I'm prepared for these emergencies
04:54In fact, when that investigator shows up
04:57I got somebody all set up to take the fall
05:05There we go, that'll just about do it
05:06I hope so
05:08He dang near put me to sleep
05:12All right
05:15Now, long about now
05:17Old Roscoe's gonna be coming back from the sheriff's convention in Atlanta
05:20He's got a bag just plumb full of law enforcement goodies
05:23Boss Hogg, this is Sheriff Russell
05:26Cool Pete Coltrane
05:27You got your ears on him, come on
05:29Roscoe, this is J.D. Hogg
05:30We're in time, Neeson, are you?
05:32I'm just a hoot and a holler out of hazard
05:34I tell you, it's good to be back
05:37Uh-oh
05:38Uh-oh
05:39Uh, boss
05:39Now hang on just for a second
05:41Thank you, Mason
05:42Easy
05:51Boss Hogg, this is Sheriff Russell
05:52Cool Pete Coltrane
05:53Listen, I've got them dudes in my sights
05:55And I've got them this time for sure
05:56He'll come back
05:57Uh-oh
05:58Roscoe
05:59You stop them Duke boys
06:01And you're the new box boy
06:02At my all-night drive-through supermarket in Gourmet Daily
06:05Now listen
06:06I don't want them Dukes behind balls
06:09Till I'm ready for them
06:10So you just cease and desist
06:12You hear me?
06:12That's a big ten-four
06:15I'm telling you, Flash
06:16Boss is more changeable than a stack of diapers in a nursery
06:27I don't know
06:29I don't know
06:30But there's something strange going on
06:31And I don't like the feel of it
06:38Now pay close attention
06:40You see all this stuff
06:41These are samples
06:43Used at the police convention down in Atlanta
06:45Oh yeah?
06:46Newest equipment
06:47Now, for instance
06:48This is a radar gun
06:50This is for catching speeders
06:51Like them Duke boys
06:52Right
06:53Zappo
06:53Yeah
06:54Yeah
06:55And this
06:56This is a booklet on training your police dog to sniff out explosives and marijuana
07:01That's you, Flash
07:02Oh
07:03I know
07:04Now
07:05This is the important one
07:06Here
07:07This one
07:07You see this?
07:09Guess what that is?
07:10That's for measles
07:11It's sodium pentothal dipstick
07:13It's a truth serum
07:13See
07:14You inject this into a prisoner
07:16And you ask him questions
07:17And he can't tell a lie
07:18If his life depends on it
07:20Truth and nothing but
07:21That's it
07:22I expect that works
07:23Cletus, I don't know
07:24What?
07:25And if you keep interrupting me
07:26And asking questions
07:27You
07:27I'm not gonna be able to tell you anything
07:29Well, I'm sorry
07:29Well, hush then
07:30Just hush
07:31Alright, now
07:32You see these?
07:33See?
07:34These are handcuffs
07:35I knew that
07:36Cletus, they're not just ordinary handcuffs
07:38You can't get out of these
07:39Give me a wrist and I'll show you
07:40Yeah?
07:40Yeah
07:40Just snap that right on there like that
07:43Now, let's snap these
07:44Right on this
07:45Door
07:45Right there, you know
07:46Whoa
07:47Oh baby, there's a drama
07:48No way out of here
07:49Something with a key
07:50Where's the key?
07:51They're just samples
07:52I don't get the key
07:53It's just
07:53No key?
07:54No, there's no key
07:55Oh, Cletus
07:55Would you clear out of here?
07:57Roscoe and I got business to do
07:58And it's top secret
07:59So move your butt
07:59There's a little problem, boss
08:00There's no key to these cuffs
08:01And I don't cuff the desk
08:03We'll take the drawer with you
08:05Then we'll get it
08:06Then we'll get it
08:06Oh, say
08:07Oh, wait
08:07You want me to take the paper?
08:09Ladies
08:09Oh
08:10Yeah, return that drawer, will you?
08:12It's county property
08:13Huh?
08:14Goodness
08:15Thank you
08:16Would you get that piece
08:17Out of that seat right now?
08:19I mean a chair for humans
08:20Not for how
08:21I'm moving, will you?
08:21Get in play
08:22Oh
08:24Oh, Mabel
08:24This is J.D. Hall
08:26Say hello from Roscoe
08:27Ah
08:28Mabel
08:28Get me the state crime commission in Atlanta
08:31And let me know when you got them
08:34Did you say state crime commission?
08:36I did
08:36I just got me a tip
08:38That an investigator from there is coming down here
08:40To sniff out old gambling
08:42And clean up his county real fast
08:45Oh
08:45Well, we're gonna help him
08:47Are you kidding me?
08:49That means I ain't gonna get the 50% of your 50%
08:51What you got is 30%
08:53And that's of my 30%
08:55Well, now I'm gonna get zipped when you turn in Lacey, right?
08:58Wrong
08:58Wrong
08:59I mean you just don't turn in them organized crime fellas
09:02Without attending your own funeral
09:04Oh
09:04We're in cement shoes
09:06No, sir, Reebok
09:07I'm gonna name someone else to the crime commission as gambling kingpins of Hazard County
09:13Oh
09:13Who could that be?
09:15The Dukes
09:16The Dukes?
09:17The Dukes!
09:18The Dukes!
09:18Oh, I love it
09:19They don't have a casino
09:21Yeah, well they will have
09:23When I set one up in that old barn of theirs
09:25Oh
09:25Now in exactly two hours
09:27That investigator and us
09:29Are gonna catch them with their slot machines down
09:32Oh, that's marvelous
09:35Murphy's law
09:36If everything's coming your way, chances are pretty good you're in the wrong lane
09:41Especially when Boston Roscoe are concerned
09:43So Luke and me figured we'd kinda sneak into town and snoop around and see what we can figure out
09:47Jesse's law is that you don't burn your bridges before you come to them
09:51Well that's true, Uncle Jesse, but
09:52What's about it?
09:53Knowing these two
09:54That trouble's gonna find them quick enough without them going looking for you
09:58Well now that's the truth and you know it
10:00And besides that there's plenty to do around here
10:03As a matter of fact you can just start out by going to town
10:07And picking up these supplies for me
10:09And incidentally that there's brown sugar this time
10:11You got it
10:12Sir, of course now
10:15While you're in town
10:17It wouldn't hurt nothing to look around and kinda see what's going on
10:23Yes sir
10:25Bye
10:27Only the Dukes would go to town to find out why they can't get arrested
10:32Hmm
10:36Cooter
10:36What?
10:37Well you hurry up and finish with my vehicle
10:40I've gotta go on a raid in a little while
10:42What you gonna raid Roscoe? Boss Hogs Ice Box?
10:45Well you...
10:46Will you just hush?
10:47I'm not supposed to reveal official police business to you civilians anyway
10:52Look at that
10:54What?
10:55What?
11:09This is J.D. Hall calling Jeff Roscoe P. Coltrane
11:13Oh
11:14You got your ears on out there?
11:16Roscoe where are you at?
11:19I'm right here little fat buddy
11:20This is old Roscoe P. Coltrane
11:22Come on
11:22Well I just wanted to make sure that everything was ready
11:25So tell me
11:26Did you fill Cletus in yet on the raid?
11:30That's a big 10-4
11:31In fact we will be surrounding the barn at the Duke farm in exactly one hour
11:37I'm gone
11:39He he he he he he he he
11:43Alright Roscoe you ready to roll?
11:45Yeah I appreciate it
11:47Now them old boys are up to something
12:07Now them old boys are up to something
12:08Did Cooter take the bait, boss?
12:10Look flying a blue tail fly
12:11Now stand back and let the dog see the ribbit
12:15He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he
12:20Look
12:20Hey Doc
12:21Cooter
12:22Hey listen
12:23I don't know what to make of this
12:25But I heard boss and Roscoe
12:26Just overheard him talking about something about a raid out at y'all's place
12:29In about an hour
12:30You talkin' raid?
12:31In our house?
12:31In an hour?
12:32Thanks, Black Cooter
12:33Old Cooter didn't know that he was acting as boss's messenger boy when he told Bo and Luke what he'd
12:38just overheard.
12:41Meanwhile, the casino business was cooking like an all-day singing with dinner on the ground.
13:01How in the heck did that stuff get in there?
13:03Well, with that raid coming in less than an hour, it ain't so important how it got there.
13:07It's how we're going to get rid of it.
13:09I know just a man for the job.
13:12Here's the lost sheep calling a shepherd. Come back.
13:17Here's the lost sheep calling a shepherd.
13:19This is shepherd.
13:20Luke filled in Jesse and Daisy on what was cooking, so they raced right back to the farm,
13:25not knowing that they're playing right until boss's grubby little paws.
13:28You need to pick up right away. You make it back? On my way.
13:31Give one, equipment.
13:33I'll be right there.
13:37And Cletus had gone to pick up an official VIP all the way from hot land.
13:43Things are really moving, ain't they?
13:44Roscoe tells me you're some kind of special investigator.
13:49State Crime Commission.
13:51State Crime Commission.
13:53Tell me something, deputy.
13:55Do you always go around handcuffed to a piece of wood like that?
13:59This?
14:00Oh, no.
14:02It used to be a desk drawer.
14:05Cut it down for a easier handling.
14:10Sorry I asked.
14:27That's the organized crime family you're talking about?
14:30Yeah, yeah, that's them.
14:31Jesse, Daisy, Bo Luke.
14:33Otherwise known as the Duke Gang.
14:36I mean, they're behind every dirty, thieving, underhanded racket you can think of.
14:40And then some.
14:41Ain't that right, Cheryl?
14:43Yeah.
14:43See, this is the first time we've really caught them with the goods.
14:46Hmm.
14:47Well, then I suggest we take them right quick.
14:49Do that.
14:50Do that.
14:50Come on.
14:50Let's go.
14:51Let's go.
14:51Come on.
14:53There you go.
14:53Sorry, Jesse.
14:54That's all right.
14:55Get it.
14:58All right, everybody spread out.
15:12Yes, sir.
15:14The Dukes had been snookered smooth as a country pool hustler with their rent due.
15:27And Jesse and Daisy carrying a full load were like two sitting hens waiting for the hungry
15:32fox.
15:45Now, you're going to lose him, my wife.
15:47Come on.
15:47Come on.
15:48Now, y'all see that?
15:50Watch it.
15:54Paul.
15:58I see him.
15:59Now, friends and neighbors, when they go to all the troubles to put up a sign and hazard,
16:04our doggies, they mean it.
16:11No, no, watch it.
16:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
16:21Jesse Duke, Daisy Duke, Bull Duke, Luke Duke.
16:25You are hereby formally charged with running an illegal gambling hall, operating illegal
16:30gambling equipment, and...
16:32J.D., that's a bald-faced lie, and you know it.
16:36Somebody framed us.
16:37And you know dang well who framed us, don't you, boss?
16:40Order, order, order.
16:41Any further outbursts.
16:42Interfering with the arena of these here charges, and there's contempt to court, and I'm going
16:46to hold the perpetrator and fine him five hours.
16:48I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
16:50Right there is five dollars.
16:53Now, I got a thing or two I want to say.
16:57That their equipment didn't belong to us.
17:01Oh, yeah?
17:01Well, it was in your truck.
17:03Well, that don't mean it belongs to us.
17:05Oh, well, if it was in your truck and it didn't belong to you, then it's going to be stolen.
17:11So, I'm just going to have the charge of grand theft gambling equipment to these other
17:14charges of reckless driving, evading arrest, and these are only hazard county charges.
17:19On the corner, you dukes are going to be directed to appear before the grand jury to be indicted
17:23by the state.
17:26Sheriff, lock them up.
17:28Right.
17:28Now, hold on, boss.
17:29Now, we got a right to bail.
17:31Bail?
17:31All right, all right, bail.
17:33But, seeing the seriousness of these here charges and considering them other offenses of yours,
17:38bail is going to be set at one thousand dollars.
17:42Ooh.
17:42Now, hold on.
17:43We can't afford no thousand dollar bail.
17:45Might as well make it a million.
17:46We got as much chance of raising one as the other, boss.
17:48Well, then, I guess there's just no way for you dukes to stay out of jail.
17:52Sheriff, take them away.
17:54All right.
17:55This time, I mean, it sure there ought to be a lot.
17:59He spoke his influence.
18:01Oh, are you just coming out?
18:02Yes, right.
18:03That's the way.
18:05Mr. Gordon, I think that's going to clear up all gambling around here.
18:09It's good.
18:09I'm on my way back to the Capitol.
18:11All right.
18:11You just have a good trip now, you hear me?
18:14Yeah.
18:16Yeah.
18:19Oh, you still here?
18:21Yeah, all right.
18:22Now, with the dukes going to jail and the state crime commission convinced that gambling had been cleaned up in
18:27Hazzard,
18:28well, you might say that old boss Hogg was setting free.
18:31Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
18:37Oh, no.
18:39What's that doing there?
18:40Oh, fuck, did you smash that thing?
18:42That is, until he sat on old Roscoe's hypodermic needle that was filled with sodium pentothal truth serum.
18:48Oh, Lacey, that's J.D. Hawks.
18:50Listen, I'm coming out to get my money.
18:52Now, the state crime commission is all taken care of.
18:55We got nothing to worry about.
18:58Mm-hmm.
18:58Bye.
19:01Quiet, will you?
19:02You think Flash is trying to warn boss?
19:05Well, he ain't listening.
19:07Well, he must be about a half-bubble-off plum letting boss get away with a stunt like that.
19:12He only did what was natural.
19:14And he had no idea it was a set-up.
19:16Yeah, well, that crazy bail boss has got a set-up.
19:18We ain't never gonna get out of here to prove it.
19:20Never fear.
19:21Bail is here.
19:22He couldn't.
19:22Hey, look, I figure since I helped get you in here, the least I can do is get you out.
19:27Well, you ain't got no thousand dollars sitting around doing nothing.
19:30Well, I had a little bit stored in a sock and then I passed the hat around.
19:34A lot of people kicked in.
19:35Miss Ruebottom, Miss Tisdale, y'all got a lot of friends in Hazard County.
19:39Now, what with old Cooter collecting most of the gross national product of Hazard?
19:44Duke's luck had changed.
19:49Meanwhile, old boss had dropped by the gambling casino to pick up his skim money.
19:53He was loaded with enough truth serum to shut down a liar's conviction.
19:59You can pull that handle all night.
20:01You ain't gonna win nothing.
20:02That machine is crooked.
20:06Who said that?
20:07Was that me?
20:09Holy Hannibal.
20:11Why did I go and say something truthful?
20:15I think that stuff's working.
20:18It was a cooter, wasn't it?
20:19Sure was.
20:20Ain't friends wonderful?
20:21You know, Uncle Jesse, the way I figure it, boss is using us to cover his dirty laundry.
20:24Hey, you gotta be.
20:25Y'all, I bet that stuff that was in our barn is sitting right in his casino now.
20:29Yeah, that may be.
20:30But that ain't what's been bothering me.
20:31You know, Hazard County ain't especially known for its high rollers.
20:34Where's boss coming up with these big spenders?
20:36Them tour buses.
20:38Yes.
20:39It's gotta be.
20:39Where else could they be coming from?
20:41Well, then all we gotta do is find the buses and we got the casino.
20:44Let's go.
20:58What do you suppose they're up to?
21:00Well, it's no good.
21:01You can bet on that.
21:02Well, don't just stand there.
21:03Get your posterior in your car and watch those Duke boys.
21:07Just move over to you.
21:24Well, while the Dukes was out trying to clear themselves of something that they hadn't
21:30done, Cletus was following Roscoe's orders.
21:3630% of 30%.
21:41Let's see.
21:4230 to 30.
21:44And Roscoe, who couldn't count a row of pens, was trying to figure out how much his 30%
21:48comes to him.
21:50Meantime, that truth serum was still cooking on old boss.
21:54Alec.
21:55Yes, boss.
21:55I got this strange compelling urge to tell you something, but don't listen.
22:01The wool I pull over everybody's eyes is 80% polyester.
22:05Did you know that?
22:06Give me a hand and I'll stick it in your pocket.
22:09Did you know that?
22:10I lied so much I even lied to my diary.
22:12Did you know that?
22:14I underpay you.
22:15And when I do, I sure change you.
22:17Did you know that?
22:19But what I don't know is why I'm telling you all this.
22:22Stop the car.
22:24Stop the car.
22:25Stop, stop, stop.
22:27Get me out of here.
22:41That's the way it should be.
22:48J.D. Hawke, what in the world is happening to you?
22:52I declare you must be losing your mind.
22:55Now the Dukes were waiting for that tour bus so they could follow it.
22:58How some ever, Cletus was watching them.
23:00Cletus still there.
23:01Yes, sir.
23:03Just like a fly in the buttermilk.
23:06That bus comes along.
23:07We ain't going to be wanting him on our tail.
23:10I'll tell you what.
23:11If y'all can distract him for a little bit, I think maybe I can clip his wings some.
23:14Hey, wait a minute.
23:16I think I got something to distract him here.
23:19What do you think, fellas?
23:21You distract me?
23:22Boy, that don't get him.
23:23He's un-American.
23:25Come on, boy, let's give her some cover.
23:36Daze, you want to hurry up?
23:37That bus can come along any minute now.
23:39I'm hurrying as fast as I can.
23:43Get her out of there.
23:44Yeah, that was deep.
23:47Uh-huh.
23:48That ought to do it.
23:57Hey, you know, this is kind of fun.
24:02Got any film in there?
24:03Are you crazy?
24:04Of course not.
24:12Shoot.
24:13If Bo wanted to, he could take the whole car.
24:15Cletus would never know.
24:19Woo!
24:34Say, you know, I never make a promise I intend to keep.
24:39Forget that, will you?
24:41Say, you know, when I lay my cards on the table, I got another deck up my sleeve.
24:47Just pay no attention.
24:48Pay no attention.
24:50My goodness, why am I saying all this?
24:52Please, please, please, help me to stop saying all these things before I lose everything I work so hard to
24:58steal.
25:03Well, there it is.
25:05Yeah.
25:32Uh-oh.
25:34Looks like Lacey's done sent his boys to ride shotgun on the next bus load.
25:38It looks like them Duke fellas in that car ahead of us.
25:41If I don't miss my guess, they're bigger in the tail of the bus.
25:45Not bad for a city boy.
25:46It looks like Lacey's done sent his boys to ride shotgun on the next bus.
26:03Bo?
26:09Pull over!
26:10You know, if I was old Bo, I'd do what the man says.
26:14He wouldn't miss at that range.
26:21Pull over!
26:22Bo, do what the man says.
26:23What?
26:27Put the pedal down.
26:28Let's get moving.
26:29Yeah.
26:30Yeah.
26:41Deputy Cletus Hall, call the sheriff.
26:43Can you read the sheriff?
26:44Loud and clear, Cletus.
26:46Keep talking.
26:46Well, that's about all I can do, consider I lost both my wheels just after Duke's took after some tour
26:51bus.
26:51Tour bus?
26:52Are you kidding me?
26:53Cletus, I told you not to let them Duke boys out of your sight.
26:56Cletus, if those Duke boys get to that tour bus before I can stop them, you're the new soap and
27:01sudsers at the Hazard County Cow-A-Wash.
27:08Of course, what Roscoe didn't know is that Boss was in trouble up to all three chins.
27:14Oh, my, oh, my.
27:16What a homely baby.
27:19No!
27:19No!
27:20Don't get me!
27:21Oh, save my baby!
27:22Save my baby!
27:23Save me!
27:25Save me!
27:25Come on, get out of here!
27:27That's my baby!
27:31Them boys are right back on us again, fellas.
27:34Who are them, fellas?
27:35I think that's the slightest idea.
27:37We sure they ain't shooting us just to get our attention.
27:39Listen, can we save the question and answer period for when target practice is...
27:41Now, if y'all remember, Jesse had sent them to town to buy supplies, amongst which was brown sugar and
27:47a bucket of nails.
27:48I got me an idea.
27:49Now, that brown sugar ain't gonna be much help, but...
28:02Let's go, fellas.
28:15Good going, Daisy.
28:18Ooh, ooh, you're a little bootflag.
28:22What do you suppose Roscoe's all head up about?
28:25He probably don't want us to find that tour bus.
28:29Daisy, you got any more nails in that bucket?
28:31Lawn dry.
28:32Them bad guys only used a few of those
28:34that we've thrown out there.
28:36Hang on, hang on.
28:48They're slippery and sick, slimy snakes
28:50and an oil slick.
28:58Let's go still there.
28:59Like a dog on a leash.
29:03Take him right up to the one-yard line and then make an end run.
29:06He's got it.
29:07Leaving the nails all by himself.
29:17Ha, ha, ha, ha!
29:19He's down and dirty.
29:20You okay?
29:21Yeah, nothing's hurt but his pride.
29:24Back at Boss's house, that truth serum was creeping into his domestic bliss.
29:29Jefferson Davis, hog.
29:30You were a low-down polecat, if ever there was one.
29:33Yeah, but Lulu, Kims, I didn't mean what I said.
29:36That is, I meant it, but I didn't mean to say it.
29:38No, no, no, no, I mean, what I mean is, I can't help for some compelling reason from saying
29:43anything but the awful truth.
29:46That you married me for my money.
29:48That was the only way to get it.
29:50And I'm as big as a house.
29:52Well, they're all different size houses.
29:54And that when I went to the beauty parlor, it looked like I never got waited on.
29:58Did you?
29:58I mean, didn't you?
29:59I mean, oh, I don't know what I mean.
30:01I just know that I can't help what's come over me.
30:05This is what happened to you.
30:10The truth will help.
30:12You are out.
30:18Lacey's boys told their boss about the dukes trying to tail the tour bus.
30:22Being no one's fool, Lacey decided that he better get old boss hog to find some way to
30:27keep them dukes from nosing around and ride quick.
30:30So they headed for the boar's nest.
30:40What's wrong?
30:41You look down in the mouth of the fat buddy.
30:44Oh, I didn't mean fat.
30:46No, but it's the truth.
30:48It is?
30:48I am fat.
30:49You are?
30:50I overeat.
30:51You do?
30:52I'll eat anything that won't bite me first.
30:54Well, that's the truth.
30:55It's the truth.
30:56Oh, speaking of biting, look at this rascal.
31:00Do you remember that?
31:01I never caught that thing.
31:02You didn't?
31:03I bought it stuffed and mounted in Atlanta.
31:05Are you kidding me?
31:07You told me you caught this sucker and it took about three hours to really mend.
31:10But now, I'm telling you the truth.
31:12Hmm.
31:13Don't you know the truth when you hear it?
31:15Well, not coming from you.
31:16Well, I'm going to tell you some more truth.
31:18Hmm.
31:18I never intended to give you your rightful share of my gambling take.
31:22I'll knock you in the middle of next week.
31:25Yeah, you should.
31:26You should.
31:26You should.
31:27Well, boss, you know something.
31:29That's the nicest thing you ever did, Doe.
31:31I mean, telling me the truth like that.
31:33Roscoe, you're dumb enough to be twins.
31:35I mean, thank you very much for them fine statermans.
31:37Well, you will.
31:38But do you think that I want to tell the truth?
31:40Why do you do it?
31:41I can't stop you, Doe, Doe.
31:43All I know is I've got to find a cure.
31:45A cure to make me stop telling the truth.
31:47You know something, boss?
31:48I would swear you sound just like that police officer down in Atlanta when they injected him with this truth
31:53serum.
31:54He just blabbed his mouth off.
31:55He couldn't stop.
31:56Truth serum?
31:56No.
31:57Truth serum?
31:59Oh, Lord Almighty.
32:01The needle I sat on in your office.
32:04That's right.
32:05That got me a dose of truth serum.
32:07Oh, you got it in the pool.
32:08Roscoe.
32:09What?
32:09You got to get me an antidote.
32:10An antidote, you hear?
32:12Yeah, you get me a cure to help me stop telling the truth or I'm ruined.
32:16Listen, don't worry.
32:16I'll go over to my office and I'll get that pamphlet out that came with the truth serum.
32:20I'm sure it's got an antidote.
32:21Listen, you stay right here.
32:22All right, all right.
32:23Now, listen, don't worry about it.
32:24Help me.
32:26At least we know they're heading west on 17th past Sunset Lake.
32:30Those guys that was taking pot shots at us, we figured they was riding shotgun on the bust.
32:35Discourage anybody from tailing it.
32:36So, listen, y'all be real, real careful when we're out looking for them.
32:38Oh, yeah.
32:39Well, let's get started.
32:40Where are my keys?
32:41I think you left them on the table, Uncle Jesse.
32:42I'll get them and then we'll all eat together.
32:44Yes, sir.
32:45Yeah, our Internal Revenue Service.
32:48Uh-huh.
33:17Well, this is J.D.
33:20Listen, uh, Flash and I've read this whole book through and we can't find an antidote for the pentothal.
33:26While Roscoe was calling Atlanta for an antidote to the truth serum, boss was calling everybody he'd ever lied to.
33:32Hello?
33:34Hello?
33:34Jesse, this is J.D. talking.
33:36J.D. hog, you no good old scallow egg.
33:39What are you...
33:39Just hold your apples, Jesse.
33:41Believe me, this hurts me more than it does you.
33:43I'm calling to admit to you here and now that I...
33:47I penned all them gambling charges on you, too.
33:50That's the truth, pure and simple.
33:52The truth.
33:53J.D., your word is about as worthless as a milk bucket under a bull.
33:58I wouldn't believe you if you swore you was telling a lie.
34:01Dang it, Jesse, I was lying and I'd still be lying if I hadn't accidentally got me a shot of
34:06that truth serum that knucklehead Roscoe brought back with him from the sheriff's convention.
34:11J.D., what are you trying to pull now?
34:13I did it so I wouldn't lose my 30% interest.
34:16Them gamblers from Atlanta gave me for turning the old livery stable into a casino.
34:21Would you be willing to put that in writing?
34:23Well, you get here before Roscoe does and I'll do just that.
34:26But you better hurry, because when them partners of mine get away, if I'm going to spill the beans, there's
34:31no telling what they might do.
34:33Now, you just stay right where you are, I'm on my way. I'll be there directly.
34:41Oh, I done it. I done it.
34:49Boss has got himself into more trouble telling the truth than he ever did by lying.
34:57Oh, you see how it is?
34:59Yes, sir.
35:00Boss was in more trouble than the only chicken in the barnyard when the preacher was coming for Sunday dinner.
35:05That is to say, what, what, what?
35:08We were in the room where you was talking.
35:10Oh, you were?
35:10Yeah.
35:11Well, then you know that I didn't, I mean, I didn't mean anything.
35:16But, uh...
35:17Now, ain't this typical of the Dukes?
35:20They're even going to help old boss out when he's in trouble.
35:34Not now, Flesh. I've got to find the boss.
35:37What tarnation can he be?
35:55Uh, Mabel, would you ring my sister, Lulu? This is Roscoe.
36:05Hello.
36:06Lulu, this is Roscoe.
36:08Listen, the boss wouldn't by chance be back home, would he?
36:11Back here?
36:12Yeah.
36:12That no good brother-in-law of yours said life with me was so dull he looked forward to seeing
36:16his dentist.
36:17Well, I think the only reason he said that because he took some truth serum.
36:21Roscoe P. Coltrane, I have two words for you.
36:24Goodbye.
36:25Mm-mm.
36:27She's just a little upset.
36:32Ladies, I'm on my way over to the boarder's nest looking for boss.
36:36If he calls in, tell him where I am or tell me where he is.
36:39You want me to tell you where he is first and tell him where you are first?
36:43Exactly.
36:45Wait.
36:50JD.
36:51Hey, boss.
36:53Hey, JD.
36:55All right, JD, let's...
36:58Holy Toledo.
37:00Looks like a tornado hit this place.
37:03Sure does.
37:05Probably somebody wasn't too pleased with what boss told you over the phone.
37:09More than likely them new partners of his.
37:10First time boss tells the truth in his life and it could do him in.
37:14Looks like them boys from Atlanta really mean business, huh?
37:16Well, let's don't just hang around here.
37:19You know, they could be hurting JD somewhere.
37:21Let's go find him.
37:22Hey, Uncle Jesse, he told you where the casino is.
37:24You don't suppose they dropped off somewhere and took care of him on the way, do you?
37:26Mabel, this here is Luke.
37:27Get me Cletus, will you?
37:29Listen, Uncle Jesse, you and Daisy find Cooter.
37:31And check out every spot where they might have took boss, okay?
37:34Me and Bo will head over to the old livery stable just in case.
37:36All right, we'll catch up with you later.
37:38All right.
37:38Yeah, you be careful.
37:38Yeah, Cletus, this here's Luke.
37:40Listen, somebody grabbed boss.
37:42Now, we figure it must be them gambling guys that he's hooked up with.
37:45With boss's life at stake, Luke called Cletus to alert Roscoe about boss's disappearance.
37:50Let's go.
37:51All right.
37:57While Lacey was making plans for old boss's very short future.
38:00All right, as soon as it gets a little darker, you boys dress him up nice and warm in a
38:05cement overcoat and drop him in Sunset Lake.
38:07We'll fit him right up.
38:10This is Deputy Cletus Hall, call Chair Goldring, over.
38:13Cletus, this is your superior officer.
38:15Have you heard from the boss?
38:17Come back.
38:17That's a negatory, but I did hear from the Dukes.
38:19Luke said he thinks them gamblers the boss put in with kidnapped him.
38:22Cletus, that's a bunch of hogwash.
38:24He's just making up an alibi to cover up the fact that the Dukes kidnapped the boss in the first
38:28place.
38:29Well, what'd they want to do that for?
38:30Because there's no antidote for that truth serum, and it's about to wear off.
38:34And the boss is due to testify against him.
38:36To the State Gambling Commission.
38:39Now, knock off the chatter and keep an eye out for the boss.
38:43Well, fine.
38:43Where do you want to look for him first?
38:45Wherever the Dukes are, you dipstick.
38:47Now, time was running out for boss, and the truth serum at the same speed.
38:51So, Bo and Luke really had their work cut out for him.
39:06Let's go.
39:06Yep.
39:26Hey, you.
39:27Hold it there.
39:28Glad to.
39:29What do you think you're doing here?
39:30Well, I'm looking for somebody.
39:32Here he is now.
39:35I'd like you to meet my cousin Bo.
39:39You know, friends and neighbors, that was a pretty good right cross.
39:52There he is.
39:54You reckon we should rush him?
39:56Yeah, they got guns.
39:57You know, with all the folks around, I bet they wouldn't dare start shooting at us.
39:59We used to drop in on them.
40:02Let's do it.
40:04Shoot.
40:04Ain't but three of them with guns.
40:06Now, that ain't so bad.
40:11Get your bets down, ladies and gentlemen.
40:14The point is six.
40:15Where's your bets?
40:16Two on six.
40:18Two on six.
40:19Get on six.
40:20Get on eight.
40:21I reckon the boys plan to create a distraction.
40:34What's that?
40:35I don't know.
40:54Hey, what's going on?
40:57Hey, break it up.
41:01Break it up.
41:10I never thought the day would come when I'd be happy at the sight of a duke.
41:13They was going to kill me, you know, then?
41:15Well, they still might be, if we don't get out of here.
41:17Oh, no.
41:17Let's go.
41:18Let's go.
41:19Oh, yes, yes.
41:23Come on.
41:31Hey, boys.
41:32We got them all.
41:33We have them all.
41:34Get them all right.
41:34Yeah, yeah, yeah!
41:36Yeah, move, move, move!
41:37Move, move, move!
41:37Get away!
41:38Ah!
41:40Ah!
41:42Ah!
41:44Ah!
41:45Ah!
41:46Ah!
41:46Ah!
41:48Ah!
41:49I don't know if that double-crosser getting away alive!
41:52Ah!
41:53Ah!
41:56Ah!
41:56Ah!
41:57Ah!
41:59Ah!
42:00Ah!
42:07Ah!
42:07Ah!
42:07Ah!
42:09Ah!
42:09Ah!
42:10Ah!
42:11Hey, they're coming after us!
42:13They're gonna kill me!
42:14They're gonna kill me!
42:15I mean, it ain't my fault!
42:16I can't help killing the truth!
42:18Uncle Jesse, Daisy, y'all got your ears on.
42:20Come back.
42:21I'm listening.
42:22Sure do, Kazin.
42:23What's up?
42:24Well, listen, me and Luke got ahold of Boss, but New Hennies is right behind us on our tail.
42:27We sure could use a little help from y'all.
42:28You pick the spot, and we'll be there.
42:31Glover crossing in two minutes.
42:32How's Glover crossing in two minutes sound?
42:34You got it.
42:35I'm gone.
42:36Clover crossing.
42:37Last one there.
42:38Bye's at the boar's nest.
42:39I'm taking the shortcut.
42:40I'm gone.
42:43That's ten-four.
42:46Gleadish, uh, this is Roscoe.
42:48Did you hear that?
42:49Come back.
42:50You bet, Sheriff.
42:50Loud and clear.
42:51Well, ding-a-ring-a-ding-ding.
42:53Sure.
42:53Clover crossing.
42:54Two minutes.
42:55I'm gone.
43:09Yeah.
43:12You suppose that true stuff works?
43:14I know, but we better not take no chances.
43:18All right, Boss.
43:19What?
43:19I got me a piece of paper and a pencil here.
43:21You have.
43:22You write that confession, all those things you said you was gonna give back to our Uncle Jesse.
43:26Well, did I say anything about a confession?
43:27Now, Boss, you gotta tell the truth now, don't you?
43:30Yeah, I think.
43:31Hey, Fiddler, you know I can't help her.
43:34Hey!
43:35What is this?
43:37Oh, they're shooting.
43:39I thought it like you stole it.
43:41Hang on.
43:43How do you expect me to ride if you know it don't drive straight?
43:56I can't even start to ride with all these sharks!
44:02This here's Clover crossing.
44:04And that's Jesse coming in from east to west.
44:07Daisy's heading from the west to the east.
44:09Roscoe and Clevis are coming in from the south to the north.
44:11But even old Cooter's coming in from somewhere.
44:13And the general and the heavies are coming in from the north to the south.
44:17Friends, I do believe that them Twains is affixing to me.
44:24Oh, Lou, there's your Sheriff Roscoe.
44:26Now, you pull it over.
44:28You're under arrest for kidnapping boys.
44:30What?
44:30Ha-ha!
44:31Give me that microphone!
44:32There you go, Boss.
44:33Roscoe, you knucklehead!
44:35Listen!
44:35Them Duke boys are only trying to help me escape from the killers who are coming up from behind!
44:40So get out of the way, will you?
44:44Oh!
44:49Yeah, well, I knew I chose this road for a reason.
44:52Roscoe ain't the only dip in a road.
44:54Hang on.
45:06You want one piece back there, Boss?
45:08Yeah!
45:14Now, you can't say that when the Duke set out to bring everybody together that they don't bring everybody together.
45:19And you don't have to wait no half hour for a tow truck, neither.
45:23Boss got off the hook by turning state's witness against them gamblers.
45:26But he'd really stirred up a hornet's nest about his last year's taxes, and the years before that.
45:31Now, where there's fire, there's smoke.
45:36The Dukes found Lacey's cash box and gave all the money to the orphan's fund.
45:41And to celebrate, they had a barbecue.
45:43Now, friends, you do tend to eat hearty when you put in the kind of days that they have in
45:48Hazard County.
45:48They're coming fine.
45:49Mrs. Tisdale will sit there.
45:51Right by you, Uncle Jeff.
45:52Well, of course.
45:53She won't do it at that time.
45:55God Remove.?!
46:02I
46:02believe they've been getting more money. I
46:02will help you inilever's budget. I
46:02can't believe it. You
46:02on! No!
46:02No!
46:03No!
46:13No!
46:23You don't
46:23have to leave their queue yet всё alone.
46:24Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
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