- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01On the deuce, Hazard gets a new deputy.
00:04Okay, hold it right there.
00:05It doesn't help.
00:06Ah!
00:07Ah!
00:08Let's go!
00:11Now ain't this fun!
00:24We got him, Gordon!
00:34Just a good old boy
00:38Never meaning no harm
00:42Beats all you never saw
00:43Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born
00:48Straightening the curves
00:52Flatening the hills
00:56Someday the mountain might get them but the law never will
01:01Making their way
01:04The only way they know how
01:08That's just a little bit more than the law will allow
01:13Just a good old boy
01:17Wouldn't change if they could
01:21Fighting the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood
01:33It all started one hazard morning as Bo and Luke Duke was coming back from a hunting dream
01:38But they wasn't hunting coon, they wasn't hunting possum, they wasn't even hunting women
01:43They was hunting American green, Uncle Munch
01:47How are we doing now?
01:49Well, with that forty bucks for the fencing job we got a grand total of sixty-nine if I don't
01:55let it blow out the window
01:56That was great
01:59That means we're only seven hundred dollars short now getting that tractor fixed
02:10Oh, shoot
02:11They're playing our song
02:13Speeding?
02:14No, I'm going fifty-four right on the nose, cross my heart and hope to give up women
02:18Now, friends, that's enough
02:21We can't afford a citation right now
02:24Get her hiking, let's go ride
02:29Oh
02:36Right now it looks like the Duke boys are on a losing streak
02:39With more to come
02:40Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey
02:42Hey hey hey hey hey
02:43Special head of town meeting will come to order
02:46Everybody sit here
02:49Now the Secretary will read the minutes of the last meeting
02:52Done
02:52The Chairman of the Committees will give their reports
02:55Done.
02:56Now we come to old business.
02:58Chairman, boss, listen, would you mind going easy on the gavel?
03:01You're giving Flash and me a headache.
03:03Just out of order.
03:04The chair didn't recognize you.
03:07Quiet, quiet.
03:08Now we come to old business.
03:10Done.
03:10Now we come to new business.
03:12Would you give her an aspirin or something there?
03:15Now new business.
03:17And that's what we're here for.
03:18New business.
03:19New business.
03:20The very first item on the agenda is the financial crisis facing our town's office.
03:25I mean, our cash flow has dwindled down to an itty-bitty little drip.
03:30Oh, good news, good news, boss.
03:32Listen, I just caught the Duke boys and I gave them a $25 ticket, didn't we, Flash?
03:37Ah, bull feathers.
03:39I mean, that ticket is just a hunk of paper.
03:41What we need around here is cash.
03:43Cold cash.
03:44And on the barrel here.
03:45Wait.
03:46Therefore and whereas, I hereby move a new town law to wit.
03:50All citations shall be henceforth paid for by the perpetrators on the spot.
03:54In cash.
03:56Or else, into the clink they go.
03:58How say you go?
03:59Well, I don't...
04:00Cash!
04:01No!
04:06J.D.O.
04:08Oh, hello, Lulu.
04:09No, no, I can't talk to you now, precious.
04:11I'm very busy.
04:13Huh?
04:14Well, eat another breakfast, then.
04:17Roscoe.
04:17Where?
04:18I want you to get a hold of Cletus, and you get out there and start that money rolling in.
04:22No.
04:22And just remember our new hazard motto.
04:26Cash!
04:27Or click!
04:28Meaning a...
04:29Where's my gavel?
04:31Get up!
04:32That flea bag of yours is chewing up my gavel.
04:35Oh, Flash, darling, don't do that now.
04:37Give me that.
04:37Spit it out.
04:39She's got the munchies.
04:40Oh, gee!
04:41Ugh!
04:43Look at this.
04:44That's a mess, isn't it?
04:45That hound of yours are gonna pay for this now, on the spot, in cash, or into the clink with
04:50her.
04:50Maybe we get some putty and fill it in, you know?
04:52No!
04:52Give it a new varnish job and then we smooth it up.
04:54No, you can't do nothing!
04:55Meaning a day!
04:56Well, with the $69 you just brought and the $150 we had, we're still gonna be short of
05:03getting our tractor fixed.
05:05We need $500 and we ain't got no tractor and maybe no new truck.
05:08Now, the situation was a mite ticklish.
05:11You see, when they gave out pride, the Dukes got more than a double dose.
05:15A lot of the hazard folks owed them money for work that they had done for them, and the
05:19Dukes had to try and collect that money from everybody without looking like they was hard
05:23up, you know.
05:23Well, which they are.
05:25You see, Jesse feels the same way about that old tractor that the boys feel about General
05:29Lee.
05:30Some folks like that about machinery.
05:33Now, let's think a minute.
05:34Look, we still got money coming for Mr. Pringle.
05:37Is that a roofing job?
05:37That's right, that's right.
05:38I got two weeks back pay.
05:39All right.
05:40All right.
05:40And Bibb Tucker never paid me for that last load of corn he got.
05:44We may be sealed.
05:44A little bit here, a little bit there, a little bit else.
05:47We'll get it together.
05:47We'll get anything standing around.
05:49Let's go.
05:49All right.
06:00Where in the heck did that stop sign come from?
06:07Tweet us.
06:08Dang it all.
06:09Must be the hog blood engine coming out.
06:26Well, the dirt is dried in his fender, I think.
06:32What the heck is that coming about, Will?
06:33Looks like an out-of-town smokey to me.
06:38He's got in that thing.
06:48Oh, listen, officer, we...
06:51Okay, hold it right there.
06:53My, oh, my.
06:54I think I have died and gone to speed trap heaven.
06:56Okay, get out of there right now.
06:58Yes, ma'am.
06:58There's no need to sugarcoat it.
07:00Put your hands over here on this car where I can see him.
07:03What seems to be the problem?
07:04Yeah, well, I saw you trying to escape from that deputy.
07:06Cletus, how?
07:07No, deputy, that's Cletus.
07:09Come on.
07:09We just kind of played around a little bit.
07:10Oh, Cletus is a printer.
07:11I see Jason.
07:12Look, you can just relax and kind of turn that thing.
07:14It's okay, deputy.
07:15I caught him for you.
07:16Oh, thank you very much, deputy.
07:19You're a girl, aren't you?
07:20Cletus.
07:21What?
07:21Will you call her off and tell her who we are?
07:23Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
07:24This is Bo and Luke, Duke.
07:26That's okay.
07:26You can do a weapon.
07:27We're a little buddies.
07:28We've known each other a long time.
07:29Grew up together and stuff.
07:30Ain't you a little bit out of your jurisdiction?
07:32Well, I've been assigned to a temporary duty in Hazard.
07:35And right now, I've got to go report in.
07:37Deputy Hogg, they're all yours.
07:39Bye-bye.
07:40Thank you, ma'am.
07:41Bye now.
07:43Nice working with you.
07:44Stay between bitches.
07:45We'll see you later.
07:46Got a car, isn't it?
07:49I would like to find myself in the hands of that kind of law more often.
08:06Are you kidding me?
08:08We don't need it.
08:09We need it.
08:10Get it.
08:11Do it, Hank.
08:12Boss, listen.
08:13Listen, that was a phone call for down in Roseville.
08:15And they're sending a deputy sheriff down here on a tour of duty here in Hazard.
08:20What'd you say?
08:21I said you're sending a deputy.
08:22I heard what you said.
08:23Now, dang it.
08:24That's all we need.
08:25I know.
08:25Some big, dumb Flatfoot from out of town.
08:28Yeah.
08:28Licking his nose in our business.
08:29Well, listen, don't you worry about it, little fat buddy.
08:31Because if a big, dumb Flatfoot comes in here, I will kick and twist them every way.
08:38I'm Officer Barnes from Roseville.
08:40Barnes?
08:41Did you say L.M. Barnes?
08:43Officer Linda May Barnes reporting for temporary duty.
08:46Oh, well.
08:47Well, well, well, and well.
08:50To say the least.
08:51I'm J.D. Hogg, police commissioner.
08:54And I'm Rascopee Coltrane.
08:56Nice to meet you.
08:57And I'm commissioning everything else around here, honey.
09:00Say, would you like a little piece of my homemade chitlin pizza?
09:04He told me, did you?
09:05Uh, no, no, thank you.
09:07I have to watch my figure.
09:08You're gonna have to stand in line with the rest of us then.
09:12Sheriff, the U.S. Marshal's office has sent you these signed secret orders.
09:16Oh, I appreciate it.
09:17Secret?
09:18What's secret?
09:19It says top secret there.
09:21J.D. Hogg.
09:22I'm gonna open this right here.
09:23Oh, hello, Lulu Dumplin'.
09:24Oh, that's my fat sister Lou.
09:26Oh, no, no, sweet potato.
09:27I'm too busy to talk to you still.
09:29Mm-hmm.
09:30Well, just have another breakfast.
09:32All right, what is any of them secret orders you got?
09:34Oh, hee.
09:36Oh, hee.
09:36Are they kidding about this Rafe Logan?
09:39Rafe Logan?
09:40Isn't he public enemy number two?
09:41Is Rafe Logan in there?
09:42Well, read it.
09:43Read it.
09:43This is to notify you that Rafe Logan is being transported by a car from Roseville to Atlanta.
09:51And he and his escort will stop for the night in hazard.
09:54Use the jail facilities, too.
09:56Well, what do you know about this?
09:59Officer, honey, these secret orders of yours just made my thing.
10:04Are you kidding, boys?
10:05I mean, why are you so happy?
10:06Didn't you hear what it said?
10:07That's Rafe Logan, you're the killer.
10:09I mean, he could hurt you, too.
10:10That's right.
10:11Which means that I can charge the U.S. government a big bundle for boarding a dangerous criminal.
10:16Oh, that's good.
10:17That's good.
10:19Yeah, thank you very much, officer, honey.
10:21You see, we was having a little cash flow problem around here.
10:25Yeah, we was barely dripping.
10:26Yeah, and in return for what you've done, I'd like to offer you a piece of this pizza.
10:32Yeah, there's a pizza.
10:32It's my very own recipe, and I made it with my very own hands.
10:36You fat, chubby little fingers.
10:37It's smothering in chitlins and floating in hog pants.
10:41Hog off.
10:42Now, that's awful.
10:43He left off the okra.
10:44I thought you wouldn't want it.
10:49Now, the boys were curious about two things.
10:52The girl deputy, of course, and the car that overtook them so fast.
10:56How you doing, Liz?
10:57Just fine, sweetheart.
10:58How are you?
10:59Fine.
10:59How you doing, Liz?
11:01How you doing?
11:02Just fine.
11:03What's this?
11:04I'm going to complain.
11:05That might as well be responsible.
11:06There he is.
11:07Oh, please.
11:10Go ahead.
11:10You take a big bite.
11:13You know, Roscoe, I think I'm going to sell this pizza to all them folks coming to see the jail
11:17cell.
11:17Yeah.
11:18Which jail cell is that?
11:20Well, the one Ralph Logan slept in.
11:22Oh, that one.
11:22Yeah, and I'm going to sell tickets to see it, too.
11:25And plus, uh, T-shirts and mugs and little figurines.
11:29No, no, Mr. Hogg.
11:30This is top secret.
11:31Oh, yeah.
11:32Oh, yeah.
11:33Well, you saw the orders.
11:34Oh, well, of course I did.
11:35Listen, I was referring to afterwards, when Ralph Logan's long gone.
11:39Is he real, buddy?
11:40Oh, greetings.
11:40Say, you're bringing me a big load of cash?
11:42Uh, well, I did nail them dupes with that cockamamie stop sign of yours.
11:45Oh, good.
11:46Well, I should say Officer Barnes nailed them.
11:47Oh, she did?
11:49I think I'm going to like this girl.
11:51You know, you're the only one that has it who can nail dupes.
11:54All right, Cletus, hand over the money.
11:56That's a $25 side t-shirt.
11:57They also damaged his patrol car, which makes him liable for that money, too.
12:01So you saw that, too?
12:02Well, thank you very much.
12:04Cletus, how much did you collect?
12:06Well, you see, after Officer Barnes left, I gave him the $25 ticket.
12:09And I didn't have change for a 50, so they had to go home for change.
12:11I don't want to hear about that.
12:12How much did you collect?
12:13Well, I'm coming to that, you see.
12:14I took this ticket, and I walked around the car,
12:17and they told me to wait there and hold the ticket for collateral.
12:19How much did you collect?
12:21Well, nothing.
12:22They never came back.
12:23They never came back.
12:26Oh, oh, oh.
12:28Now you see, dipstick, what you did?
12:30He made him squish his pizza.
12:32Well, I'll just go across the street and get him a...
12:33You got him.
12:35The Duke boys are there.
12:36The Duke boys are here.
12:36The Duke boys are here.
12:37That's $25 plus $500 for damaging a county car.
12:41And if them Duke boys don't have the money, which I'm sure they don't, in the jail they go.
12:46Yes, it's cash or clean, Kendall.
12:48Yeah, so come on, come on, come on, go get him.
12:50Oh, why'd you use that door?
12:52You want some help?
12:53Are you kidding, lady?
12:54I don't need any help.
12:55You just watch two deputy sheriffs do their duty.
12:59See, I swear she'd have come right up over top of us.
13:01Freeze!
13:02All right, you Duke boys, you're under arrest.
13:06Good, good.
13:07Seems that you owe the county a $525.
13:11$525?
13:12How did you figure that?
13:14I'll tell you how I figured.
13:15$25 for the fine and $500 for scuffing Cletus's vehicle.
13:20That's $250 per fender?
13:21Oh, you hush.
13:22Now, come up with it or you're going to the clink.
13:24And this time I mean business.
13:25Ain't no business like go business.
13:27What are you two ruffians doing here with this vehicle anyway?
13:30Yeah, yeah, look here, Roscoe.
13:31Take a peek under this carburetor here.
13:33Look under the air cleaner there.
13:34See that?
13:34It is a little bit fancy, isn't it?
13:37Hey, wait, wait.
13:38Hey, wait.
13:41Get back here.
13:44Get back here.
13:47Get back here.
13:48Get back here.
13:52You know, this is hot pursuit.
13:54I'm sure you did fine.
14:26It's coming.
14:28Looks like they're in a giant pinball machine, don't it?
14:31Hope they don't tilt.
14:38Go to my side.
14:48Well, they look all right.
14:55I mean, the suspenders sure are taking a heck of a beating, though, ain't they?
14:59Meanwhile, back in town, that girl deputy was slipping out to make a phone call.
15:03You know, I didn't trust her from the start.
15:05She's too pretty.
15:07Hello?
15:07Denny, it's me.
15:09Denny, it's me.
15:09Our scam is working perfectly.
15:11Did they buy me calling?
15:12Sure did.
15:13And the secret orders.
15:15And me being a real police officer.
15:17Good, good.
15:18Now, listen.
15:19My inside guy in Roseville just tipped me.
15:22That U.S. Marshal will be arriving at Hazard with Rafe at 5 this afternoon.
15:25Perfect.
15:26By 5.05, we should have your brother sprung.
15:29Right.
15:30Anyone gets in our way, we take care of him.
15:32I'll be down there by 4.
15:33Where can we meet?
15:34Well, if you go all the way out 49, there's a little dirt road.
15:37And if you take a right on that, and then go all the way down till it ends, there's a
15:40gully
15:40to the left.
15:41And I'll meet you there.
15:42Okay, got it.
15:44Bye.
15:45Uh-huh.
15:46I told you.
15:47Phony and a $3 bill.
15:49Boy, she sure does walk good, don't she?
15:53I don't think so, all right, sir.
15:55Well, hey, I think you just pulled up.
15:57Been able to find any wires down there?
16:02Bo and Luke, meanwhile, had sent out a call on the CB.
16:05And the Duke family was gathered to talk over what was happening.
16:09Y'all mean to tell me because you couldn't pay their phony ticket they're gonna throw you
16:12in jail?
16:12You got it.
16:13Cash or clink, that's Boss Hogg's new motto.
16:15It ain't only the 25 bucks for the ticket, either.
16:17It's $500 damages on Lidus' car.
16:20You gotta pay damages?
16:22And we still gotta fix our tractor.
16:24That just has to be done.
16:26Hey, well, we can't give up here.
16:27Where's the Duke spirit?
16:28Let's just not stand around here.
16:30Let's get at him.
16:31Let's get moving, huh?
16:34See you later.
16:35We'll catch up with you, or call us if you want.
16:37We'll scare.
16:38Back in town, when old boss heard about Bo and Luke escaping again,
16:42he got so mad that he made some big changes.
16:45And so, I'm making Linda Mae Barnes acting sheriff.
16:50What?
16:50Are you kidding me?
16:51What do you mean you're making her acting sheriff?
16:53I mean, I don't want nothing to go wrong when public enemy number two gets here.
16:57That's what I mean.
16:58I've headed up to here with you two clooks.
17:01It just so happens I'm an elected cluck.
17:03Not anymore, you ain't.
17:05I'm making you, honey, acting sheriff of Hazard County.
17:09And I'm making you acting deputy.
17:13Oh, that hurt.
17:14Well, your wallet's gonna start hurting, too.
17:16On the corner, if you don't catch them dukes, the money's coming out of your pee.
17:21I don't want to go cause any trouble around here, Mr. Hogg.
17:24Will you please call me Jefferson?
17:27And besides, it ain't no trouble, honey.
17:30It's a real pleasure.
17:31Now, let's just adjourn to my office.
17:34We're right there.
17:37J.D. Hogg here.
17:38Oh, hello, Lulu, honey.
17:40Uh, what?
17:41My little apple pie?
17:42No, I still can't talk to you.
17:43I'm busier than ever.
17:45Well, start on your lunch.
17:48Uh, Captain Sheriff Lawrence, you know there's an awful lot of particular points
17:52about your duties here in Hazard County that I've got to discuss with you.
17:57Hmm.
17:59You know something?
17:59I'm so mad I could spit.
18:01Oh, don't do that.
18:02It's a $10 fine.
18:02Will you just hush, hush?
18:04It's all them dukes' fault anyway.
18:06If it hadn't been for them, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
18:08I'm gonna nail them.
18:09I'm gonna nail them to the wall this time.
18:10All right.
18:11Now we can stand here.
18:12Let's go.
18:12Come on.
18:18Freeze that car.
18:19Get it on out of here.
18:20Get in.
18:21Get in your old vehicle.
18:23What's your...
18:26Hot pursuit when he sees it.
18:28All right.
18:3330, 40, 50.
18:36Meanwhile, Bo and Luke was collecting money that was owed to them.
18:39Get out of here, Bo.
18:40All right.
18:40Remember, come spring, I'm gonna put a new roof on this barn.
18:43We'll do it.
18:45Thank you, sir.
18:51Well, there's another 50 bucks in the kitty.
18:53Yeah.
18:56Yeah, but it sure is growing slow, ain't it?
18:59Hey, why don't we go over to Cooter's and see if he's been able to sell that old CB yet?
19:02That's a good idea.
19:03I wonder if it's the first time for everything.
19:04Yeah, it'd probably be best not to let on to Cooter about our financial problems, you know what I mean?
19:08I'm sure old Cooter would probably go out and sell his boots.
19:11He knew we needed the money.
19:12It'd be pretty embarrassing seeing him running around town barefoot.
19:15You got that right.
19:21Whoa!
19:23Cletus, this is your superior officer, Roscoe.
19:26I guess right.
19:27Here they come.
19:28We got them in a box this time.
19:30Now, let's gift wrap them.
19:31Oh, no, no, no, no, no, 100%.
19:35Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
19:41Yeah.
19:44And the Roscoe is.
19:46Need us ain't far in front.
19:50We'll never get through all that.
19:54Oh, get that out.
19:57Oh, hell.
20:02You son of a gun.
20:03Hey, looks all right.
20:05What a horrendous embarrassment, idiot.
20:07Man.
20:08Man, you do.
20:11Hey, you're upside down.
20:13You all right?
20:13You know you.
20:14Oh, well, Linda May's partner was right on schedule, heading for town.
20:23As you can see, I got to make myself another one of my famous chitlin' pizzas.
20:28So if you don't mind, you can just wait around here and watch me while I do it.
20:32Uh-oh, here comes Lulu Hall.
20:34She's only eating about three times today.
20:36She's feeling hungry and mean.
20:38First, I roll out this here pizza dough.
20:41Here, I take me the rolling pin, and away I go.
20:48You wouldn't like to try this yourself, would you, Linda May?
20:50Oh, I'd love to, Jefferson.
20:52Oh, you would?
20:53All right, well, just take this here.
20:55That's right.
20:56Now, be gentle.
20:57I mean, you need to have a very delicate touch so as not to bruise nothing.
21:05Oh, no, no, no.
21:06Easy, easy, does it?
21:08Here, let me put my arms around you.
21:10I ain't too close, am I, sugar?
21:12Oh, no, Jefferson.
21:13Oh, there we go.
21:15Ain't this fun?
21:17Come on!
21:21Jefferson Davis, hog.
21:23So this is why you've been too busy for me?
21:25No, listen there, sugar pie.
21:26Look, look, I don't know what you're thinking, but I was just showing Linda May here, who was
21:31acting sheriff, how to roll out a pizza dough.
21:34Well, when you come home tonight, just forget it, because you ain't getting in that dough.
21:38Look, I was just rolling out a pizza.
21:40See?
21:41See?
21:41You?
21:45Oh, sugar, don't go!
21:48Oh, damn, man.
21:50Oh, what a woman.
21:52Oh, hello.
22:07Just a bowl of butter.
22:08Hey!
22:09Hang on, look.
22:10Hey, I have got some good news for you two.
22:12You know that C.B. he brought by here and wanted me to sell?
22:15Yeah?
22:16Got $56 from my cousin.
22:18Hey, all right!
22:19Dang, you are a horse trader.
22:20You know what I'm doing?
22:21Hey, listen.
22:22If y'all are short, I got a little bit in the mattress, you know?
22:24Nah, we just got a bunch of junk up in the barn.
22:27We figured we'd get rid of it.
22:29Yeah.
22:30A little drink and money.
22:30Hey, that lady police brought this thing by here and wanted me to fix an oil leak.
22:35You know, that gal moves like, uh...
22:38Yeah?
22:38Like, uh...
22:39Yeah, and she's got more curves than old Mount Perrin Road, ain't she, Cooter?
22:42That's what I meant to say.
22:43I still can't shake the feeling that something about her ain't right.
22:47What?
22:49Cooter.
22:49Hmm.
22:51Have you ever seen a police car with an engine like that?
22:54No, I can't say that I have.
22:55You know, it's got no smog device on it.
22:58And it's got that nitrous oxide.
23:00Look at that air conditioner compressor.
23:01It's just for looks.
23:02It ain't hooked up.
23:03Mm-hmm.
23:04I wonder what else.
23:07J.D. Hawk here calling actor Sarah Barnes.
23:10J.D. Hawk calling Sarah Barnes.
23:12This is Barnes here, Mr. Hawk.
23:14I'm having a little slight domestic problem here over at my house.
23:18Oh, please, please, Lamb Chop.
23:19Let's act like civilized people, shall we?
23:22Oh, listen, Sheriff.
23:24I can't get over there now, so I'm gonna have to put you in complete charge of everything, over and
23:29out.
23:30Don't do that.
23:31Don't do that.
23:31Please, little jelly donut, think of the kids.
23:34We don't have any kids.
23:37You beast.
23:38You animal.
23:39Don't do that.
23:40Ah, hello.
23:43And meanwhile, the marshal escorting Rafe Logan was heading for hazard.
23:47We gonna stop for the night somewhere?
23:49Don't you worry about it, Logan.
23:51When I get you into Atlanta, you're gonna be nice and fresh for that grand jury.
23:55Yeah, we're gonna be stopping.
23:57I can see we're just gonna have to go check her out.
23:59Luke ain't gonna be able to sleep nights.
24:02How are you supposed to be gonna do it?
24:03I figure you can handle it.
24:05Me?
24:06Sure.
24:06We put in a little phone call over to the Roseville Police Department.
24:09I will.
24:10You will.
24:11What am I gonna say?
24:12Well, you ask them about patrol car number 109.
24:16I don't know.
24:16Think of something for once.
24:17Come on.
24:18I gotta think of something.
24:18Cooter, can we use the phone?
24:20Mabel?
24:22Yeah, would you give me the Roseville Police Department, please?
24:26Doug.
24:28Hey, Dixon.
24:29Hey, Dixon.
24:31Nesher, I'm gonna go over to Cooter's garage and have some of the dents taken out of my V here.
24:35Me too.
24:36I gotta get three new fenders.
24:37Don't you think we better check in with the new action sheriff first?
24:40You just hush that.
24:41I ain't gonna check in with that female badge grabber.
24:44Just hush that up.
24:45Don't have to get hot.
24:45I was just asking.
24:46Pull it back.
24:47Well, I'm out of here.
24:48You pull through her.
24:49All right.
24:51Woo-hoo!
24:52Clean ass!
24:53What?
24:53You dickstick!
24:54You see what's...
24:56You ready stuff to get...
24:59You ain't got no patrol car number one, art nine.
25:03Thanks a lot.
25:04Bye.
25:06I guess our little patrol car here is a phony.
25:08And so is Officer Linda Mae Barnes.
25:10Well, ain't that a shame.
25:11I wonder what kind of game she's playing.
25:12Whatever it is, we ought to report it to the authorities.
25:15After the bill we got lined up out there for wrecked police cars?
25:17Look, it could be a bank shipment or a payroll or something coming into town.
25:22Whatever it is, it's gonna come down bad and it's gonna come down hard on us.
25:25Well, y'all better decide something quick, because I recognize that engine.
25:29Roscoe is here.
25:30Let's try it.
25:31What the heck are you doing back here?
25:32You're backing and punched you.
25:34Don't tell me I'm your command.
25:35I didn't know.
25:36You hit me right here.
25:38Oh, well, it's a...
25:39Boy, you know that informant.
25:41It's all the Duke's fault anyway.
25:42If I see him, I'm not going to save one moment.
25:45Get out of here.
25:46Hey, Roscoe, I'm so sorry about all that.
25:48Hush, I want to talk to the Duke.
25:49Me?
25:50You are the Duke.
25:52Roscoe, we got something mighty important to tell you.
25:53Hush, I don't want to hear it.
25:54But it's about that gal over there.
25:56I don't want to hear about that gal.
25:58I'm going to show that bad snatcher what a real sheriff's like.
26:01Now, just march it on over the jail.
26:02Now, just hold on there, Roscoe.
26:04You hush, too.
26:05March it.
26:06March it.
26:06Yes, sir, you got it.
26:09Well, would you look at that.
26:10Bo and Luke spent so much time in a car, I wasn't sure that they could even walk.
26:14Much less run.
26:18Tell me.
26:36Just go get my vehicle and follow me.
26:38Through there?
26:40Oh, go around the right.
26:41You, you, you, you.
26:44Hurry.
26:47Come back there.
26:48Oh, go, go, go, go, go.
26:50Oh, go, go.
26:53See this?
26:54What?
26:54You dipstick.
26:54You nearly run over me.
26:56Well?
26:57After those dudes, I'm going to catch them up to the last thing I do.
27:05Well, so much for trying to tell Roscoe.
27:15Oh, I didn't have it hot for a suit.
27:23We got him, Mr. Tom.
27:26We got him, Corny.
27:32Look at him.
27:33Oh, look at him.
27:35Oh, look at him.
27:35Oh, look at him.
27:36Oh, look at him.
27:39What are you doing with my steering wheel?
27:41It came loose.
27:42I told you.
27:42Give me that.
27:45Get it on.
27:47Oh, get it.
27:48Oh, get it.
27:49Get it.
27:50Oh, yeah.
28:00Get it on there.
28:01Get it.
28:02Oh, get it.
28:03Oh, get it.
28:04Somebody.
28:04Oh, stop it.
28:07What should we do now?
28:09Should we go to boss or call Roseville or what?
28:14Or what, I guess.
28:15Look, we ain't got time to do either of those things.
28:17We better keep a close eye on that girl because I got a feeling things are going to start happening
28:20fast.
28:20Hello, Lulu Cupcake, this is J.D.
28:22Oh, wait, wait, wait a minute.
28:24Don't hang up on me.
28:25Listen, I'm just calling to clear up this little misunderstanding between us.
28:30You know, I sure hated to see that little pumpkin face of yours all sad and miserable.
28:35Mm-hmm.
28:36Mm-hmm.
28:36Yeah, I want you happy and smiling with them cute dimples of yours all short.
28:41Yeah, all 12 of them.
28:44Yeah.
28:45Hello.
28:46Oh.
28:47Ding.
28:49Now.
28:49I'm really sorry I caused you so much trouble with your wife, Mom.
28:52Oh, well, it really ain't your fault, honey.
28:54I mean, she's like this a little.
28:56She'll get over it once she gets her appetite back.
28:59And meanwhile, thanks to you, I got a good chance of getting my cash flow going again.
29:05How's that look to you?
29:07Now, you promised me there'd be no talk about Rafe Logan coming to town till after he's long gone.
29:12Yeah, yeah.
29:13This is top secret, remember?
29:15Oh, yeah, I remember, honey.
29:16But don't forget, this is a small little town.
29:18Won't be many folks around.
29:19And what harm can it do if we sell a few tickets, you see?
29:22Tickets?
29:23In case you folks lost your timetable,
29:25the hood pal of Linda May is due in Hazard at 4 o'clock
29:29and Rafe Logan at 5 o'clock.
29:32In Hazard, it's 3.45.
29:35I sure am getting sleepy, Marshal.
29:39How about you?
29:40You're looking awful tired.
29:42You're looking like an old man over there.
29:46Bo and Luke called Jesse and Daisy to help keep an eye on Linda May,
29:50whoever she is.
29:56You boys all right?
29:59And when they told him about that gal police officer being a fake
30:03and the trouble that was coming,
30:04well, the Duke money problems was put aside.
30:07Folks was in trouble.
30:08Did you all tell Roscoe this?
30:10Well, we tried to, but it's kind of hard to talk and run at the same time.
30:14We figured since she's acting sheriff,
30:16maybe you two could go in there and get something out of her.
30:19Okay.
30:20We'll see what we can find out.
30:21All right.
30:22Where's the general?
30:23Oh, well, we figured he'd stick out like a sore thumb.
30:26We borrowed Cooter's tow truck.
30:28Okay.
30:31You be careful now.
30:32Yes, sir.
30:33You got it.
30:34Now, look here, Mr. Hogg.
30:35This is an undercover operation.
30:38Oh, yes, so it is.
30:39It has got to remain a secret.
30:41Yeah, like you say it, honey.
30:42Calling the Hazard County Sheriff.
30:44Come in, please.
30:46Acting Sheriff Barnes here.
30:48Howdy, Sheriff.
30:49This is U.S. Marshal Ken Collins.
30:52I'm going to be coming through Hazard about 5 p.m. with the prisoner.
30:55I'd like to use your jail facilities, if possible, for the night.
30:58Be our pleasure, Marshal.
31:00We'll have everything waiting for you.
31:02Over and out.
31:03Ray Flogan arriving here in Hanson at 5 o'clock.
31:06It's almost 4 now.
31:08I've got to go out for a while.
31:10You do?
31:11Mr. Hogg, you've got to promise me something.
31:13Oh, honey, I'll promise you anything.
31:15Now, you've got to give me your word.
31:18This is going to be a secret.
31:20I'll give you my word.
31:26Now, my word ain't worth diddly-do.
31:34It's got to be here.
31:35There's that car.
31:40Well, hey there.
31:41We were just coming looking for you.
31:42Yeah, we've had...
31:43Well, the dukes decided to lay on a little hazard shuck and jive to stir things up.
31:47We've lost six of our good laying hens.
31:50Couldn't you come out with us and maybe take a look?
31:52Look, I have an emergency call.
31:53You'll have to come back tomorrow.
31:54But couldn't you just...
31:55Maybe it'd only take you a few minutes to get out there and we could go...
32:01Looks like our little bird's on the wing.
32:03Let's make tracks.
32:05All right.
32:06Now, Bo and Luke had their own shuck and jive going.
32:10Since that phony deputy would spot General Lee, the boys was following her in Cooter's truck.
32:17What are we going to do now?
32:19I don't know.
32:21There's Roscoe now.
32:23Roscoe, we've got to talk to you.
32:25Jesse, the last thing in the world I want to see right now is the face of a duke.
32:30Cletus, get that chicken off of me.
32:33Get it.
32:33Wait a minute, Roscoe, it's really important.
32:35But, Roscoe, hush.
32:37Roscoe!
32:38Cletus!
32:39Daisy, I'm sorry about that $525 a boy's owe, but...
32:41Don't you start with that cash and clink with me, Cletus, or else I'll clunk you.
32:45Hush!
32:46Here.
32:47But, listen, Cletus, we got...
32:49Uncle Jesse?
32:50It's like trying to talk to a rock.
32:53Nobody will listen to nobody.
32:55Yeah, yeah.
33:03I'm sure I'll weigh in on a wild goose chase.
33:07I was kind of hoping that she was going to lead us up to somebody.
33:14I was going to do a bath a thousand today.
33:17Pull over on over there in them bushes.
33:19All right.
33:31How you doing, sugar?
33:32Oh, great.
33:33We got lucky.
33:34Can you believe it?
33:34They made me acting sheriff.
33:36Could be a whole new career.
33:38On you, looks good.
33:40We all set?
33:41Yeah.
33:41Marshall will be arriving with Rafe at 5 o'clock.
33:43Good.
33:44We'll be there to greet him.
33:45Yeah, only one problem.
33:46There's this fat little butterball named a boss hog who's trying to turn it all into a circus.
33:51Can you imagine?
33:52He wants to charge admission to the jail and sell t-shirts.
33:56Rafe Logan slept here.
33:58Don't you worry about Fatty.
33:59He gives us any problem, he's gone.
34:02Get him up or you're dead.
34:04What are you two doing here?
34:06Uh, that bird's watching.
34:07You know these jokers?
34:08Yeah, they live in Hazard.
34:09Their name's Duke.
34:11Just wanted to know for the tombstone.
34:13All right, just hold on a second, friend.
34:15Now, can't we talk?
34:16Not after that earful you just got.
34:17I didn't hear nothing.
34:18I got me an idea.
34:20We only need him out of the way till we're long gone.
34:21So, uh, how about we use the, uh, tools in my trade?
34:25Cuff him.
34:25Just one hand apiece.
34:27Getting this a little deep, ain't you?
34:28Shut up!
34:29Or I'll finish you right here.
34:31Well, hook him up to the side mirrors.
34:34All right.
34:35You have to pull it so hard, you know.
34:37I'm coming.
34:42Uh, listen, you know, really...
34:45I'm trying to...
34:46Uh, talk this over?
34:49Have fun, fellas.
34:50Distinct impression.
34:51We don't want to talk!
34:54Let's slow this thing down.
34:59Well, why don't you think of something?
35:00You're the smart one.
35:01Come on, do something.
35:03Turn around.
35:04Run forward.
35:09How long do you reckon they can tread water with that car hanging on?
35:18The dang thing's getting faster, bloke.
35:20I know.
35:23Jump up!
35:23Jump up!
35:26Dang it!
35:27Come on!
35:35I'm going to church this Sunday.
35:38Early.
35:42Hey, man.
35:43How about that little sweetheart?
35:46Looks like she's in the big time, trying to break out Rafe Logan.
35:49And there ain't no good can come from it, either.
35:51We gotta get back to town.
35:53We tried hot-wiring the car with one hand before.
35:56Together we got two.
35:57All right.
35:58Come on.
35:58Get down here.
35:59Oh, don't that feel good?
36:00Good, good, good.
36:02Oh, good, please.
36:04Oh, Fredis!
36:05Watch what you're doing.
36:07All right, here.
36:07Put this up, will you?
36:09Brief Logan!
36:10Arrive in any minute!
36:11Oh, any minute!
36:11We got us a cash flow!
36:13Oh, he got it!
36:14What you got here?
36:15Listen, those are little pieces of steel bar that he spent so much of his time behind.
36:20Oh, just like I is here to provide.
36:21That's for sale.
36:22Now, these are little baby walkie-talkies.
36:24They're made of licorice.
36:25Oh, you got your ears off?
36:26Give me that.
36:27They say over and out before you eat it.
36:29No, I'm saving it for the customers.
36:30Hey, looky there.
36:31The crowd's beginning to give.
36:33Oh, they're gathering.
36:34Come on in.
36:35Come on in.
36:35Don't be bashful.
36:36Come on in.
36:37Step right up here, everybody.
36:39Yeah, get your tickets now.
36:41It's five bucks they have to meet and greet public enemy number two and get your pictures took.
36:45J.D., we don't want to meet and greet or get our pictures took.
36:48We're here to talk to you.
36:49Linda Mae Barnes ain't a police officer, boss.
36:51That's right, boss.
36:52Bo and Luke called over there.
36:54Wait a minute.
36:54Wait a minute.
36:54I've got no time for no cock and bull story from Bo and Luke Duke about Linda Mae.
36:57Now, if you ain't paying customers, then you just get out.
37:00Pull on that thing right there.
37:02Hold that wire.
37:03Got it.
37:04Hold that wire.
37:05Hold it.
37:19Not much of a town.
37:20What you see is what you get.
37:25What you see is what you get.
37:27Oh, we don't want to stay.
37:31Oh, look in there.
37:33Here's Reef Logan now.
37:35What's going on here?
37:36This could last up everything.
37:38It's almost five o'clock.
37:41You shut up or you're dog food.
37:43Yeah, you.
37:43Get these people out of here.
37:45There's a jail cell downstairs.
37:46Good.
37:47Let's get them down there and we've got to clean this place up fast.
37:49Okay, move it.
37:50Come on, move it.
37:51Linda Mae, honey.
37:53Linda Mae, what happened?
37:55Wait a minute.
37:56Wait a minute.
37:57Shut up and move it.
37:58What's going on here?
38:00Wait a minute.
38:02Let's get out of here.
38:04Bo?
38:04Luke, help.
38:05I got guns.
38:05They're taking us to jail.
38:07Oh, you get on over there.
38:08Daisy?
38:10Daisy, come back.
38:11This here's Luke.
38:11Daisy?
38:12This here's Luke.
38:12Come back.
38:14Daisy?
38:14This here's Luke.
38:15Come back.
38:16Got your ears on?
38:17That sounded like big trouble.
38:18We've got to get out of here.
38:19Dang it.
38:21All right.
38:22Now, start trying out.
38:23Trying out.
38:26Need business.
38:27Let's go to town.
38:40You can't make us do this kind of stuff.
38:42Stop.
38:44Now, take off your uniform.
38:46You can't make me do...
38:49Come on, move it.
38:50Get it off.
39:02Now, Logan, you want to try something foolish, it just tickled me to death.
39:07Now, get out.
39:13Now, you just move right over there.
39:17Move it.
39:34Marshal Collins.
39:35Well, Sheriff Barnes, well, howdy.
39:37Well, I think I'm going to enjoy my little stop over here.
39:40What kind of dump is this?
39:41Would you shut up, Logan?
39:43Now, you wanted to stop, so we are stopping.
39:45Sheriff Barnes, would you mind watching this prisoner for a few minutes?
39:48I'd kind of like wash up.
39:49Yeah, it's right through that door over there.
39:51All right, thank you.
39:54Nice work, baby.
39:56Now, get me out of these things.
39:56The key's right there on the belt.
39:57Boy, you're in trouble now.
39:59I mean, you lose that gun and you're going to be a lot of trouble.
40:01That costs about four months' pay.
40:03And listen, another thing.
40:04You're sweating that hat.
40:06Just get out.
40:09If anybody makes a sound, it'll be your last.
40:13Let's bring it back, will you?
40:14When you get through with it, I mean...
40:17Get the keys.
40:18Let us out of here.
40:19I don't have any keys.
40:21Come on, Cleetis, help us.
40:22I don't have any clothes.
40:23Come on, Cleetis.
40:31There's the marshal's car.
40:33We still got these dang handcuffs on.
40:35Come on, let's go over to Kudos.
40:44Let's see if you can see any bolt cutters.
40:49There you go.
40:49You've done it now.
40:51Come on, let's go, let's go.
40:52That ain't going to hold it forever.
40:53Little brother, little brother.
40:54We did it.
40:55I didn't think you had it in you.
40:57Nice work, doesn't it?
40:58Nice work.
40:58I'm going to give you something extra this month.
41:01Come on, let's get out.
41:04Right there.
41:07There you go.
41:14Along about now, Miss Lulu had decided to make up with Boss, because she missed him.
41:20Now, that should tell you something about what her life is like.
41:22Got it, got it.
41:24Ah.
41:25There you go.
41:26Let's get out of here.
41:27Come on.
41:31Mrs. Hawk.
41:31Who's that?
41:32A local Big Shot's wife.
41:33Good.
41:34We'll take her along with us for a little insurance.
41:37Oh, you almost spilled my gun.
41:39You got Lulu.
41:39What are you doing?
41:40No, I want to see my chickabitty.
41:42I decided to forgive him.
41:43Just get in, Leah.
41:44Oh, Lulu.
41:45What are you doing?
41:46What?
41:46Oh, my.
41:47Oh, my.
41:48Oh, my.
41:49They got my little preemie.
41:51Oh, chickabitty.
41:52Oh, chickabitty.
41:54Oh, my.
41:54They'll need a general to catch him.
42:17I am Mrs. J.D. Paul.
42:19You never get away with this.
42:21Shut up, please.
42:21You shut up.
42:24Help.
42:25Help.
42:27Come on.
42:28Bingo.
42:29Here they are.
42:30All right.
42:31Let's go, Custer.
42:32Got it.
42:34They got my Lulu.
42:36They got my Lulu.
42:37Oh, yeah.
42:38But listen, my boys.
42:39Don't worry.
42:40If anybody can get her back in, Duke boys can do it.
42:42Yeah, well, I hope so.
42:43Because if anything happened to her, I just couldn't go on.
42:47Oh, I know.
42:48Let me tell you, I badmouth her sometimes.
42:51But she sure has a heart of gold.
42:53Yeah.
42:55Underneath all that blubber.
42:56Yeah.
42:57Yeah.
43:00Oh, boss.
43:01You didn't say over and out.
43:09Hey, someone's following us.
43:11Noah's car.
43:12Oh, that's those Duke boys.
43:14Oh, we should have really wasted them.
43:16What are we waiting for?
43:21You know, Lulu can't be helping his aim no whole lot.
43:29Shut up.
43:33I know that feels like being a duck.
43:36As long as they keep missing.
43:42Oh, I can't see through this windshield.
43:45Let's get this thing out of the window.
43:48We're in the clear now.
43:49Let's duck her.
43:53I'm getting you out of here.
43:55You're getting off here, lady.
43:56Now you let go of me.
43:57What are you doing?
44:03Tugboat here.
44:04Take this.
44:06Good riddance.
44:14All right, let's go.
44:24They dropped off Lulu.
44:26We'll be back to get you, Miss Lulu.
44:32We want to cut them off before they get the county line.
44:34Come on, step on it.
44:39The road behind's clear.
44:41We shook them up.
44:42Nice work, honey.
44:46Here comes the creek.
44:49Here you go.
44:55Look, I think they're out of bullets.
44:59Daddy, you never could count.
45:04All right, now get out of there.
45:06Come on.
45:14And that's how them flying Duke boys captured public enemy number two.
45:19And Cletus got his pants back.
45:21Threaten me.
45:22Oh, jeep.
45:23Oh, you're too crazy.
45:24Settle a belt we checked out.
45:25Watch her.
45:26Cause she's probably got a...
45:27Oh, she's...
45:29Roscoe got his job back.
45:31Oh!
45:32And Boss got his Lulu back.
45:35He's just hoping she don't try sneaking back into his bedroom.
45:39And with the reward money from the government, the Dukes got their tractor fixed.
45:43So things in Hazard was back to normal, which most folks would have to look pretty hard to spot.
45:48Jeta's daughter.
45:49You're too...
45:49Oh, I see the
46:31Good night, YouTube.
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