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00:03I'm fascinated, Miriam. What?
00:06You've just got the biggest spring onion in the world and you're just eating it.
00:11I mean, it's not chopped up in a salad or is it not?
00:14Oh, it's lovely though. I really would love you to try.
00:17Right, give me a spring onion and I'll try.
00:19I'll give you a smaller one because I took the biggest.
00:22There. Have a biscuit.
00:25I don't want a biscuit.
00:27I like a bit of cheese with it.
00:30Cheese with it? No.
00:32Cheers.
00:39No! Here we go.
00:42They've got him.
00:43What are you doing?
00:44Oh, she's a chicken nugget.
00:47Isn't it embarrassing, Madeline?
00:50Oh, kiss. Oh, that's a bit forward.
00:52This is Roachie, isn't it?
00:54Bring on the Delfs!
00:55Yay!
00:56Who's in for the finger this week, isn't he?
00:58Oh.
00:59It's so bad, it's actually good.
01:01It's actually good.
01:02What just happened?
01:03Siri, call Ofcom.
01:05In the week we bid a fond farewell to shot putter and world's strongest man, Jeff Capes, we enjoyed lots
01:14of great telly.
01:16It was lads on tour again with Will and Ralph on You and Dave.
01:23Milton Keynes, can I say, is one of the names I use.
01:28You know when you check into a hotel and you're on tour and use a false name?
01:32I use Milton Keynes as my name.
01:34Do you?
01:34Yeah.
01:35But surely they know that's a false name when you check in.
01:37I don't know.
01:38The receptionist thinks, well, that's surely not your name, Mr Keynes.
01:41I've used light and buzz.
01:43Honestly.
01:44I think if you're light and buzz, you're an older man.
01:48A racy 80s romp got us hot under the collar on Disney+.
01:58He's so creepy.
02:00Ooh.
02:01I know, he's horrible.
02:02He's so rude, isn't he?
02:03No, he's just horrible.
02:04Ooh.
02:05He's horrible, but I don't believe him, you see.
02:09No.
02:09But we don't really believe anyone, really.
02:11It's not meant to be like that, is it?
02:13It's just silly, cartoon fun.
02:15It's not like our show.
02:18And a wannabe rapper was looking for love on Channel 4.
02:22I paint a picture in detail.
02:24I've been feeling kind of senile.
02:27Looking for this female.
02:28When we get to the bar, are you going to do a rap for me?
02:30Yeah.
02:30Man, you need a rap for me.
02:32It's just really hard to rhyme things with Brida.
02:35Brida, Mida, Nida.
02:36Nida?
02:38I need her.
02:39She's met a girl called Frida.
02:40No, she's called Brida.
02:41What's she called?
02:42What's she called?
02:43Yeah, she's called Brida.
02:44I met a young lady called Brida.
02:45By the way.
02:46After one date, oh, I need her.
02:48Just so you know, no rapper's ever started with,
02:51that I met a young lady called.
02:55Sorry, I've confused rap with limericks.
03:04HAHAHAHAHAHA
03:06In South West London.
03:09I've been meaning to ask you what day does your rubbish get collected?
03:13Ah, that's a good question.
03:14I think on a Thursday.
03:16When do you get yours collected?
03:17Well, usually on a Tuesday.
03:19But just the other day, it was Wednesday.
03:21Nobody told me.
03:23Good friends Miriam and Leslie.
03:25When you get to a certain age, you like things to be the same.
03:30I don't.
03:31I do.
03:32I want my rubbish collected on a Tuesday.
03:36Well, you might want that with the rubbish,
03:37but I don't want everything else to be the same.
03:40Do you like your life completely, like...
03:43It's not my whole life, but...
03:45You like the rubbish to be collected when it should be collected.
03:49There are certain things that I think should be set in stone,
03:53and rubbish collection is one of them.
03:55On Monday night, the BBC gave our brains a workout again
03:59with their Crackers game of cryptic clues.
04:02Dad, we need your thinking cup on.
04:03It's only Connect today's the day, guys.
04:06My favourite, that is...
04:07I don't like games.
04:08You see, I like poker.
04:09I used to play hockey, but not anymore.
04:11Oh, did you?
04:12You don't play cards?
04:14No.
04:17Cards?
04:18Cards?
04:18Poker.
04:19A poker night is the best night.
04:21No, not for moi.
04:22Is it going to make us both look really thick?
04:24Yes.
04:25It did?
04:26Now, this is a quiz show.
04:29Yeah.
04:29Victoria Conradio.
04:30One point.
04:30Thank you, yeah.
04:34All the music is saying, if there's anyone not clever watching this,
04:39if I was you, I'd switch over.
04:40I get very intimidated by these quizzes, because I just...
04:43I think I'm quite a smart bloke, and then I watch these,
04:45and I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.
04:47You're not a smart bloke when you watch this.
04:51Only Kinect.
04:53I only wish I could.
04:54I've never seen this game in me whole life.
04:56Only Kinect.
04:57This is very worrying.
04:58Only Kinect 4, you've probably cleared.
05:00I have a feeling this is going to be a bit difficult.
05:05Good evening.
05:06Good evening.
05:07No expense spared on the set.
05:09On my right...
05:10OK, we've got a full table of geeks.
05:13Leonie Mercedes, a writer who's slept through three earthquakes...
05:17My fact is that I'm allergic to guinea pigs.
05:19..and their captain, James Devine Stoneman,
05:22a patent attorney who collected egg timers as a child.
05:25Oh, God.
05:26Of course he did.
05:27I'm anyone who's collecting egg timers.
05:29I mean, he must have been a pussy magnet.
05:32On my left, Eleanor Ayres,
05:35a solicitor who's been working on the same cross-stitch project for ten years.
05:38It's like that with my blanket.
05:40That'd be you.
05:40That sounds like me.
05:42Rob Sassoon, a university admissions manager
05:45who owns 60 ties but only wears ten of them.
05:48What?
05:48When they said, tell us something about yourself, Rob,
05:50isn't that what his go-to was?
05:52Yeah, I got a shit-tonne of ties, but I only wear a few.
05:55Pipe dreamers, you won the toss.
05:57What hieroglyph would you like?
05:58This is making me really anxious already.
06:00Right, come on, Simon.
06:01Could we have the horned viper, please?
06:03Yes, you could.
06:04The horned viper!
06:05It's a fucking snake, mate.
06:07What is the connection between these clues?
06:10Here's the first.
06:11Right, come on, let's see how many we get.
06:12OK, here we go.
06:14OK.
06:14Nice.
06:15What does kichna mean?
06:17I think that's Russian, isn't it?
06:19I can understand.
06:19Is that Russian?
06:20Kichna is Russian for what, Miriam?
06:22I don't know, but it's Russian script.
06:25It is Russian, look.
06:26Next, please.
06:29I've got Greek.
06:30No idea.
06:30Feta cheese!
06:32Feta cheese?
06:33That's Greek, isn't it?
06:34Salata.
06:35Are these...
06:35Oh.
06:37Is it salad?
06:38What is it, Greek salad?
06:39It's Greek salad.
06:40That's a Greek word, I bet.
06:41I have not got a scooby-doo of what's going on.
06:45Revolution.
06:46I think...
06:47Oh, is it?
06:49The Russian something.
06:51Cocktails.
06:52The Greek something.
06:53The French Revolution.
06:54This is the opening question.
06:56I mean, they should lure me in with something I can kind of get my head around.
07:01Spanish Inquisition.
07:03Just preceded by nationality.
07:05The Inquisition in Rome.
07:08The Inquisition was in Spain.
07:10Yes, it was.
07:11Just testing you.
07:12French Revolution.
07:13The Spanish Inquisition.
07:14So, is it countries?
07:17Go on, James.
07:18Go on, James.
07:18What would happen if you translated these phrases into English?
07:22So, French Revolution, Spanish Inquisition, Greek...
07:27Obviously, it's not salad.
07:28But it is salad.
07:29It is salad!
07:31What?
07:32Greek salad?
07:32So, I wasn't wildly off.
07:34I said Greek salad.
07:35No, he said Greek salad.
07:36He repeated it back.
07:37Did I?
07:38You can't have that.
07:39Why are you trying to take it away?
07:40He said Greek salad and you mocked him for saying Greek salad.
07:43Is that what happened?
07:44Yeah.
07:45Is that what happened?
07:46I thought that was me.
07:47I thought I'd come up with that.
07:48What do you think is happening at clue one?
07:50Russian...
07:51Erm...
07:51Doll.
07:52Roulette.
07:53Russian...
07:53Doll.
07:54Doll.
07:55That's the Russian word for doll.
07:56Well done, Steve.
07:57It is a Russian doll.
07:59That is clever.
08:00How you would know that...
08:01Were he knew it?
08:02Were you the words?
08:03They knew it.
08:04No, I did, but...
08:05What would come forth in this sequence is the first.
08:09A television station.
08:10It's a channel.
08:11Yeah, I've got a chance here.
08:12It's a bit of TV on.
08:13What sequence begins with UK Gold 2?
08:16UK Gold 2.
08:17Probably The Office.
08:19Oh, here we go.
08:20How has merchant made money?
08:22Here we go.
08:23The next one will be...
08:24Erm, next, please.
08:26Oh, maybe it is.
08:28Because now it's just rebranding.
08:30Oh.
08:31Dave?
08:32Yeah, OK.
08:34Oh, is that an idea?
08:35After two?
08:36We're going to say Dave.
08:38Why would they get Dave from UK G2?
08:40Oh!
08:41Dave?
08:42Who's Dave?
08:43Is the right answer.
08:45No, why would we know that?
08:47Ah, so UK Gold 2, it's now Dave.
08:51We teams are going to play the missing vowels round.
08:54Vow?
08:55I'm stuck already.
08:55A-E-I-O-U.
08:57Fucking hell pitters, come on.
08:58You're good at this one.
09:00My strong point is actually vowels.
09:02You taught me A-O-I-O-U.
09:04I'm good with words.
09:07Welcome to the dyslexic household.
09:09Yeah.
09:10I can tell you that the first group of this guy's clues are all...
09:13Guys.
09:15Here we go.
09:15Guys and dolls.
09:16It could be a musical.
09:19Guy Ritchie, Bear Grylls.
09:21Guy Ritchie.
09:21Guy Ritchie.
09:22Guy Ritchie.
09:23Pipe Dreamers.
09:24Guy Ritchie.
09:25Correct.
09:26Nice.
09:26Oh, right.
09:27Well done.
09:27Oh, I see.
09:28OK.
09:30Guy Fawkes.
09:30Guy Fawkes.
09:32Well, that's easy.
09:33Yeah, well, you didn't get it.
09:34Guy Fawkes.
09:35Guy Fawkes.
09:36Oh, goodness.
09:38T-Toteless.
09:38Guy Fawkes.
09:39Correct.
09:40On the ski.
09:411-0.
09:41Have we got a question wrong yet?
09:43We're on fire.
09:44Next category.
09:45Dolls.
09:46Guys and dolls.
09:48Barbie.
09:48Barbie.
09:49Barbie.
09:49Barbie.
09:50Barbie guy.
09:51Barbie.
09:51Barbie.
09:52Yep.
09:52Pipe Dreamers.
09:53Barbie.
09:54Barbie.
09:54I know Barbie.
09:55It does make you feel quite good when you get on right.
09:57I have to admit.
10:05Well, I thought that, but I thought I'd better not say it.
10:08Sorry.
10:09Catwoman.
10:11Action man.
10:12Count Nimrod.
10:14Count Nimrod.
10:15T-Toteless.
10:16Action man.
10:17Well done.
10:17Oh, action man, of course it is.
10:19So close.
10:19T-Toteless.
10:21Well, I feel pretty good myself after that, to be fair.
10:23I figured I outshored myself there, Julie.
10:25I'm well impressed.
10:26I won't play a game I don't know the answer to.
10:29But then you won't play any game.
10:30No, I won't.
10:32What do you do then if you don't, if you're watching?
10:34I read.
10:35When you were growing up, do you ever, like, sometimes at Christmas,
10:38like, a family friend would come round and there'd be, like,
10:40a whole sheet of this sort of question?
10:43Oh, like, riddles?
10:44Yeah, and it would be, like, there'd be, like, 50 of these.
10:46Yeah.
10:46And I just used to think, fuck off.
10:48I hate a riddle.
10:49This is no Christmas.
10:51Put a bloody poster on my head and write Winston Churchill.
10:54That's what I'm here for.
10:55I just want to watch the spy who love me.
11:05In Liverpool...
11:05How is your golf game, man?
11:07You know how it is.
11:07Still shite.
11:08It's shit, yeah.
11:09I'm just a better version of shit now.
11:10I'm bad at the minute, so...
11:12Are you shy?
11:13Your bad is my exceptional.
11:15What are you playing off now?
11:16Ten.
11:16Good mates Jordan and Tony.
11:19All the England boys hit us 50 yards further than me.
11:22Do they?
11:23Oh, ridiculous.
11:23Who's the best on the squad?
11:26You'd have to pick one.
11:28Who's got the lowest handicap?
11:30Harry Kane.
11:31Harry Kane-McGuire.
11:32Good game.
11:33Harry...
11:33Is he?
11:33Kane-Bomber.
11:35McGuire is quite safe.
11:36Is he?
11:37Mm.
11:38Harry Kane.
11:39Fucking hell.
11:40On Friday night, service resumed at our favourite dating restaurant on Channel 4.
11:46You're sitting there just staring at me with your tongue out.
11:50See if he'd get up there.
11:51Like me on their first date, wouldn't he?
11:54I've never been on a date.
11:57Never been on a date.
12:03I haven't been on the first date for a really long time.
12:05No, me neither.
12:07Thank God.
12:08Do you know what?
12:08If I got thrown back onto the dating scene, I'd go, I can't be bothered now.
12:12Yeah.
12:13I'm quite happy.
12:14Just die alone?
12:14Dying alone.
12:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:16I know what you mean.
12:17Yet to rhyme his way into a woman's heart is aspiring rapper, Matt.
12:22When do you bring out the rap during the first date?
12:25I tend to be freestyling as she arrives.
12:28Yes.
12:28Yes.
12:29I normally wait until at least the starters are over.
12:31I absolutely love rom-coms.
12:33Oh, he's a bit of a romantic.
12:36Oh, he's a rapping romantic.
12:38That's what he is.
12:39He's very sweet.
12:41I like him.
12:42What's your favourite rom-com?
12:43Notting Hill.
12:44Why do you like it?
12:46It just makes me believe in love again.
12:48Oh.
12:49It's not what you expect from a rapper, is it?
12:51That his favourite film's Notting Hill.
12:52No, it's not a classic, is it?
12:55It's just him and Tupac.
12:57Tupac and Biggie, their main fallout was Notting Hill versus Four Weddings.
13:00That's right, yeah.
13:01Hoping to make her and her mum's dreams come true is music producer, Brida.
13:08She fits the bill.
13:09And likes music.
13:11I think this is going to go absolutely smoothly.
13:13Do you?
13:14It's going to be boring, Tully, because it's going to go so well.
13:18How are you doing?
13:18How's it going?
13:19I'm Brida, loving you.
13:20Loving to meet you.
13:21What's your name?
13:22Matt.
13:22Matt, nice to meet you.
13:23It's really hard as well.
13:24I mean, look at the lighting.
13:25You've got to meet someone and it looks like a supermarket.
13:29Mind you, apparently that's where you meet people, supermarkets.
13:31Really?
13:32Cheers.
13:33Cheers.
13:33Lovely to meet you.
13:34Lovely to meet you too.
13:35You're beautiful.
13:37Straight away.
13:38Straight in there.
13:39Oh my God, my eyes are watering like mad.
13:41Why is it watering?
13:42Okay, what's she crying about?
13:43Is it the price is in here?
13:45Because I've got a couple of tears in my eyes as well.
13:47I don't put makeup on that often, and when I do, it just fucking does not agree with me.
13:51You look pretty, though.
13:52You look good.
13:52You look good.
13:53You look good.
13:53Nice.
13:54He said that twice now, hasn't he?
13:55Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:57He's coming on a bit too strong.
13:59Overkill.
14:00Yeah.
14:00I'm probably quite an extroverted person.
14:02He said, I need someone to match my energy.
14:04You see, if I went on a date and someone said, I need someone to match my energy, I'd say,
14:11look, here's the money for the meal.
14:13I'm going now.
14:14When was the last time you were on a date?
14:15A couple of months ago, I think.
14:16But I find it difficult because maybe, like, looks-wise, I'm like a 6.5.
14:22What?
14:23I'm a 6.5, me, stop it now.
14:26That is quite a bold thing to class yourself.
14:30But the banter gives me the edge.
14:32Oh, really?
14:33I just think I'm quite funny.
14:35Okay.
14:36Yeah.
14:37Hang on, she's made a face.
14:38The look on Breida's face suggests...
14:40Maybe not.
14:41I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much.
14:43I'll tell you if you're funny.
14:44When I was younger, I legally changed my middle name to Danger.
14:49He didn't.
14:50Oh, no.
14:51It's a real thing.
14:53Did he just catch that fly?
14:54He just did a karate kid.
14:55That is quite cool, actually.
14:56Yeah.
14:58Right, his middle name's Danger.
15:00Do you actually get that?
15:02She's thinking, in her mind, 6.5 has just gone up to about 8.
15:06Yeah, just on the basis of insect catching.
15:09I have loads of plants in my house.
15:11Hooray.
15:11So midges are a problem.
15:13Hey, that was quite cool, what you did, but then you ruined it by saying,
15:16I've got loads of flies in my house.
15:18I've got a lot of flies in my house, yeah.
15:20It's the dead bodies of the dates.
15:22Did he say dead bodies?
15:24Yeah.
15:24That's quite funny.
15:25Is it?
15:26No, I'm joking.
15:29That's not a bad joke and quite a bold joke, considering she probably is a bit worried.
15:33Yeah, serial killer joke on a first date.
15:35She's a really beautiful girl.
15:36I definitely fancy her a lot, yes.
15:41I'm going to suggest that she wasn't as bothered.
15:44No, I agree with that.
15:45Do we get to find out?
15:47Yeah, they do, like, do you want to see me again?
15:49Oh, okay, right, because I do need resolution in any kind of reality.
15:53Yeah, yeah.
15:53You know, like, if you watch Holmes Under the Hammer, and they say,
15:56we've bought this house and we're going to turn it into this and this and this,
15:57and you watch to the end and they haven't finished the renovation,
16:01and there's still bags of cement, and I'm like, oh, come on.
16:06Hello.
16:07Right, take a seat, Brita, to Moaguan.
16:09Moment of truth, yes.
16:10I'm scared.
16:11I think they're going to say, yeah.
16:13I think they're going to say, no.
16:15Would you like to see each other again?
16:18Look at her face.
16:19Wait a minute.
16:19He's going to say, hell yeah, she's going to go in there.
16:22They're both going to say, yes.
16:22I'd say yes out of politeness on TV, and then you could always ghost them later.
16:27I would definitely like to see her again, yeah.
16:28Oh, definitely.
16:29What's she going to say?
16:31I'd like to see her again too, yeah.
16:33Hey, well done.
16:34Good on him.
16:35Yeah.
16:36I told you, you know Nish.
16:38Are they going to interview us at the end of this?
16:40See how we go on.
16:42I would watch TV with him again.
16:47This week, we heard Glenn's story.
16:50I'd got to a stage in life where everything had fallen into place, really.
16:57I'd met the lady of my dreams.
16:59Oh, everything had fallen into place.
17:02And had two great children who are now aged 11 and 8.
17:0611 and 8, look at him.
17:08That's a part of your life that's just starting, isn't it?
17:11When you've got married and you've got kids.
17:13I was also very passionate about fitness.
17:15Done several marathons.
17:17Wow.
17:18Fit as a fiddle then.
17:19Yeah.
17:19Life was very good.
17:21I was really happy.
17:23Around a year ago, that just suddenly came toppling down.
17:28It was a Monday.
17:29I had time to give my wife a cup of tea before going to work on my bicycle.
17:34Somewhere halfway, all I felt was a warm rush of air of something starting to overtake.
17:40God.
17:41Oh, my God.
17:43Then I hit the floor and was knocked unconscious.
17:47A coach had knocked me off my bike.
17:49No.
17:50Bloody hell.
17:51When I came round, I was in hospital.
17:54I had a couple of fractures to the back.
17:56A fractured neck as well.
17:58That's awful.
18:0071 killed.
18:01So, three days later, scans have been done for the broken bones.
18:06However, those scans showed I had a tumour that's in my colon and has started to spread to my liver.
18:13Oh, my God.
18:15God, so that was found after an accident.
18:17Just by chance.
18:19You see, sometimes there's no signs of you've got cancer, is there?
18:22Which means cancer is in my blood now and could appear anywhere within my body.
18:29God, how frightening.
18:30Living hell, isn't it, right?
18:32Oh, goodness me, I mean.
18:34You just can't imagine getting that news or anyone in your family getting that news.
18:43Stage four.
18:45Stage four is quite bad.
18:48I never expected to be someone that would have this cancer at this early stage in life.
18:56Oh, poor child.
18:58There's just no rhyme or reason for it, is there?
19:01It's just, it's cruel.
19:03And then, by six months post-diagnosis, I was told, it's class now, it's terminal cancer.
19:09It's fair to say, I'd reached a new rock bottom.
19:15God.
19:21But what's important is that time with loved ones, particularly for the children, to see
19:27them grow up.
19:28I've got kids.
19:31Three old kids.
19:32That's how precious time is, because you never know how long you've got.
19:35I got my mum to take me to this place where I'd like to be buried.
19:40It was a nice cemetery near to...
19:52I'm sorry.
20:01Don't be sorry, mate.
20:03Oh, can you imagine having to have that?
20:04Yeah.
20:05Is it?
20:07It was a nice cemetery near to my daughter's school.
20:12Oh, God.
20:14Oh, God.
20:16And my son's school, and I had these visions.
20:20And being able to walk there and see Daddy.
20:26Oh.
20:36Heartbreaking.
20:40You shouldn't have to do that, should you?
20:42Whatever the ability that you have to say goodbye, saying goodbye for a guy like that,
20:48to children that young, it's so hard.
20:51Yeah, leaving the kids behind is the worst thing.
20:59Oh, no, don't say.
21:08Oh, 45.
21:1045?
21:11There's no age.
21:13Just like, oh, God, my mate.
21:17Oh, that's so sad.
21:20You always just want these stories to, like, have some sort of miraculous, happy ending.
21:26Yeah.
21:27You just hope that people will see that and want to help.
21:38I mean, how can you not want to?
21:45In North London...
21:47I'll tell you one thing.
21:48Yeah.
21:48If we were watching a film, yeah, there'd be none of this talking.
21:53Your phones are off.
21:54There's no eating.
21:55Yeah.
21:56You can have a cup of tea.
21:57There's certainly no discussing things.
21:59Good friends Josh and Stephen.
22:02We watch specific things, which I think is our way of saying, can we just look at our phones?
22:08Do you?
22:08So we'll say, oh, I'm not sure I can handle anything heavy.
22:12Yeah, I know what you mean.
22:13Shall we watch Inside the Factory of Greg Wallace?
22:15And what we mean is, shall we look at our phones, but make it less bleak by having Greg Wallace
22:20make a Battenberg behind us?
22:21Well, it's funny you say that, because my partner, I must say, is American.
22:26Yeah.
22:26So introducing her to the concept of Greg Wallace, that's quite something.
22:31Because they don't really have people who look like that on American TV.
22:34He's a greengrocer and he looks like one of his potatoes.
22:38And he's got his own shirt.
22:39And when he walks around the factory, unbelievably he's wearing a hairnet.
22:41Exactly.
22:43On Thursday night, it was all about pub grub on the Food Network.
22:48Oh, I love a bit of Tom Kerridge.
22:49He's all over the place now, Tom Kerridge, you know, he's got a range in marks.
22:53I went in a pub once and they served me a roast dinner on a Sunday.
22:56And it was, you know, those like packets of meat, like packets of beef, thinly cut beef, cold beef.
23:01It was that, it was three slices of that.
23:03Yeah.
23:04And some oven potato, oven really potato.
23:06And so I thought they were so disgusting, I went to another pub, I got the nickname Stevie Two Roasts.
23:10I'm very proud of that name.
23:17I'm not sure I want to know the secrets of a pub kitchen.
23:20Do you?
23:21I like all foods.
23:22The only thing I won't eat is oysters, because I had a nasty turn once in Dubrovnik.
23:27I don't want to go into it, but it was horrific.
23:29I'm heading to my test kitchen to make a 70s favourite.
23:33This is a thing, of course, that top chefs do quite a lot of nostalgia cooking,
23:37where they basically re-imagine stuff that in the 70s was just shit.
23:43Child of memory for me that takes us right back to those sort of retro times is a chicken Kiev.
23:50It's called Kiev, mate, but a bit of respect.
23:52No need to mess around with the ingredients of that, just put it on the plate, mate,
23:56put it in the oven, cook the fucking thing and give us it.
23:59And this is a version that I'm going to make that you can do at home.
24:02I've had chicken Kiev twice this week, eh?
24:04Oh, no.
24:04Yeah.
24:05You'll love chicken Kiev still, don't they?
24:07Oh, my favourite.
24:08Yeah.
24:08Margaret went to shop last night and got me one.
24:10Who's fucking Margaret?
24:12My neighbour.
24:13Like all chicken Kievs, it's got a lovely crisp coating and oozes with garlic butter.
24:18Oh, no, I wouldn't like that.
24:20That's not pub food, mate.
24:21Need to take the asparagus off.
24:23He needs to get some chips on it.
24:24My mouth's warring.
24:25Yeah.
24:25Oh, my gosh.
24:26I'm salivating right now.
24:27The garlic that's going in is confit.
24:30Confit?
24:31What's garlic confit?
24:32I don't know.
24:33I'm mixing the confit garlic into softened butter.
24:36Do you think that's fattening?
24:38What, garlic confit?
24:40Garlic confit and butter.
24:42Yes.
24:42Yeah, probably.
24:44Look delicious.
24:46And adding a salty punch with anchovies and capers.
24:50No, no, that's a red flag.
24:52Ooh, you wouldn't like that at all, sure, would you?
24:55I don't like any of it.
24:56Butter into the cling film.
24:59Roll it.
25:01I'm very impressed by people who can cook.
25:03I also am impressed by the fact that he won't just eat that straight away.
25:06That mixture there already looks nice to me, and I would start eating it before I'd got it in the
25:11Kiev.
25:11Stick the butter in the freezer for at least two hours.
25:14I do check out a bit there when they have to start involving cellophane and popping it in the fridge
25:18for three days.
25:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:20Because you just want to enjoy your Saturday.
25:22I do want to sort of get on with it.
25:24The chicken's ready for panneying.
25:26Panneying?
25:27What's panneying?
25:28Yeah, he'll tell you.
25:29Dip in flour, then egg, then into super fine breadcrumbs.
25:33I can't do that.
25:35It makes a terrible mess.
25:36I've got some super fine breadcrumbs at all.
25:38Have you?
25:39Yeah.
25:39We're halfway there, babe.
25:40Finally, into panko breadcrumbs.
25:44Oh, he's going double breadcrumbs.
25:47Double breadcrumbs.
25:48The Kievs get five minutes in the deep fat fryer at 170 degrees.
25:53They've always got deep fat fryers as well, haven't they?
25:55What am I going to do about that?
25:56Why isn't he cooking it in an air fryer, then?
25:59Just go careful when you open it.
26:01The big reveal.
26:02Is it juicy inside?
26:03Let me have a look at the inside.
26:05Don't spill it down your shirt.
26:07Look at that.
26:08Oh, look at that.
26:10We all made the same noise, didn't we?
26:13A man shouldn't make us make that noise, didn't we?
26:16A father and his two sons shouldn't make that noise together, should they?
26:20That, for me, is the perfect chicken Kiev.
26:24But where's the...
26:25Well, that's the chicken round.
26:27The thing that he wrapped it in.
26:29Did you not see the cling film come off?
26:31You didn't see the cling film come off.
26:33I did.
26:33You didn't.
26:34I just told you they took...
26:36You saw the cling film come off.
26:39Well, fuck me.
26:41Do you think you're going to be doing that at home?
26:43No.
26:43Oh, no.
26:44That's a lot of work.
26:46M&S.
26:49Do you think cooking shows are popular?
26:51I know they're on all the time, but do you think they're popular or are they just cheap
26:53to make?
26:54No, they are really popular.
26:55They're really popular.
26:56People love it.
26:57Don't they call it food porn?
26:59Oh, is that what it is?
27:00Yeah, I suppose you're right.
27:01Yes.
27:01Yeah.
27:03I prefer the regular porn.
27:04Yeah, I know.
27:06This week, we'd watch the film about Caden.
27:12Caden was such a good baby.
27:14Oh, look at that beautiful face.
27:17He was just always smiling, giggling.
27:20He was very content as a baby.
27:22That's what you want as a baby, isn't it?
27:24Some, your child being content.
27:26Growing up, he did his jazz tap and ballet.
27:29They do boxing twice a week.
27:31Good lad.
27:31Caden was so full of life, and I never, ever wanted that to change.
27:40When he was seven.
27:41It declined his health.
27:43Yeah.
27:43Seven months.
27:45That's really young, isn't it?
27:47He started suffering initially from dizziness.
27:52He started to have double vision.
27:54Oh, that's not good, is it?
27:55No.
27:56That sets alarm bells ringing, that, doesn't it, Lee?
27:59But then their symptoms just started.
28:01Progressively getting worse.
28:04All of that thing.
28:06We organised an MRI, and the consultant told us it was a brain tumour.
28:12No.
28:13Bless him.
28:15Oh, boy.
28:17If left untreated for another four weeks, he might not be with us.
28:22Oh.
28:23Oh, my God.
28:25That call it.
28:26For me, the worst bit was when the consultant was trying to tell Caden, because it's almost
28:32like I didn't want him to know.
28:33But I couldn't bring myself to tell Caden.
28:40How do you say that to a seven-year-old?
28:44No, because your first instinct is to protect him.
28:48The biopsy results came through.
28:51God.
28:51Oh, look how poorly it looks.
28:54Bless him.
28:54Oh.
28:55And that's when they told us that it was a malignant brain tumour called medulloblastoma.
29:01Oh, my God.
29:02And to make sure that there are no more cancer cells left, he needed to have proton beam
29:07therapy and then chemotherapy.
29:09I remember thinking, oh, God, this is us now.
29:13We're in the club that no parent wants to be in.
29:21Family's worse for you, isn't it?
29:23One of the hardest things was hearing Caden come out with things like, why me?
29:29Oh.
29:29Why does it have to be me that's got cancer?
29:34Why should a child at that age be saying things like that?
29:38He's a child.
29:39He's going to ask why him.
29:41You can't answer that.
29:43How do you answer that to your child?
29:52Chemo is so evil.
29:55It was eight cycles over 36 weeks.
29:58He stopped eating, ended up having to have a feeding tube.
30:02Oh, this poor lad.
30:04Awful.
30:05That's a lot to go through, isn't it?
30:08Seven years old.
30:09He literally turned to skin and bone.
30:11We were watching him on a daily basis, just wasting away in front of us.
30:15Oh, my God.
30:22When you're going through it yourself, I imagine you're going through it yourself, so, but when
30:27you're actually having to watch, you're actually having to watch your child after it, it's just awful.
30:42Caden's latest MRI shows that he's currently stable, so he is in recovery.
30:47Oh, he's in recovery.
30:50Look at that.
30:51Come on, Caden.
30:52If you have cancer, it's not nice.
30:56It's hard to beat it.
31:00Come on, you little superstar.
31:01So, I'm looking forward to going back to all the stuff that I couldn't do before.
31:07What a brave young man.
31:16Oh, God.
31:29There's just no justice with things like that.
31:32The world's too cruel, man.
31:34It means.
31:35It means, you know, you don't want to complain about anything when you see that.
31:45You just think about, like, people you love and what it would be like, and it's just the worst nightmare.
31:54Yeah.
31:55I know it's an obvious thing to say, but you can give money.
31:58Yeah.
31:58Because the fact that people have given money and money's been supplied is why he's still alive.
32:03And it gives people a better chance, doesn't it?
32:08Almost one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
32:11Help us fight back.
32:13To give 40, 30, 20 or 10 pounds to support Stand Up To Cancer, text 40, 30, 20 or 10
32:20to 70404.
32:21Or to donate any amount online, go to channel4.com forward slash su2c.
32:27100% of the money you give will fund life-saving cancer research.
32:40In North London.
32:42So one thing about this is I would not watch TV in shoes, but I have a problem getting my
32:47shoes off.
32:47Old friends David and Frank.
32:49I've taken one shoe off.
32:51Yeah.
32:52And then this other shoe, right, I've got a broken toe for years ago on this one.
32:58So, oh, no.
33:00So, look, how do I do that?
33:02Because it hurts.
33:03Do you want me to take your shoe off?
33:04I sort of do.
33:05Do you mind?
33:06Come here.
33:08See, it's quite hard.
33:10Can you imagine that with a broken toe that I'm out of for?
33:12On Monday night, a couple of middle-aged men were back on the road on you and Dave.
33:18Don't do that.
33:20Oh, will and mouth's on.
33:22Is it?
33:23Oh, there we go.
33:24No, this is not my kind of programme.
33:26Oh, this is absolutely my cup of tea.
33:28Not mine.
33:29100%.
33:29No.
33:32Well, my midlife crisis was realising I'd been barking up the wrong tree all my life.
33:37With your sexuality?
33:38Yes.
33:39Yeah.
33:39As in you're more interested in Martha than Arthur.
33:43Martha, yes.
33:44Right then, got a bit of a surprise for you.
33:47I've sorted out for us to be on stage with the Dream Boys.
33:52Oh, the Dream Boys!
33:54But what are the Dream Boys?
33:55The Dream Boys are beautiful male strippers.
33:57I think the Dream Boys, do they get the cock out?
34:00I think they do, you know.
34:01Because magic might, they don't get the cock out.
34:03Let's see if we've still got it at our age.
34:05No-one's going to be looking at us.
34:07Are you insane?
34:08Ralph's arse is gone.
34:09To be fair, my arse would go.
34:11If I had to do that.
34:12Ralph swallowed it.
34:13Ralph wants out.
34:14I'll never forgive you for this.
34:16Let's go see what the choreography is like and then we'll go from there.
34:18Let's see what the choreography is like.
34:21I've got Will.
34:22If there were Dream Boys on stage, I probably wouldn't be looking at Ralph and Will, to be
34:27absolutely honest, Miriam, because the Dream Boys are absolutely gorgeous.
34:31Well, I'm an old dyke and I'm not interested in any of these men.
34:34Well, just have a look and see what you think.
34:37Hello, Jordan.
34:38Hey, Jordan.
34:39Ralph, nice to meet you.
34:41Jordan and Jason.
34:42Jordan and Jess and JJ.
34:43You never went through this as part of your midlife crisis, did you?
34:46You didn't join the Bengali boys or anything, did you, Dad?
34:49We will be in front of a live audience and I'm not going to lie, no pressure, but they're
34:54animals.
34:55Yeah.
34:56I've seen it.
34:57I've been to one of these, Magic Mike, Magical Mike.
35:01Honestly, the lads were nearly ripped Lynn from Lynn.
35:04I'm in the wrong deal.
35:05We do go full nude and do the full monty.
35:07The full monty, Ronnie.
35:09That's when they strip everything.
35:12But they're saying that there are these bestial women in the audience who are animals.
35:16Yes.
35:17Who want to see their front bottoms.
35:20Yes.
35:20That's awful.
35:22I'm so depressed to think I'm alive at a time when there are enough women.
35:26Not even Starmer can stop it, Natty.
35:28We do use certain tricks.
35:30I've got tricks, any?
35:31Like a penis pump.
35:34Penis pump?
35:35What's that?
35:36Like where you're putting helium in your penis?
35:38Find out where they get them from, buy one.
35:41And a tie-off.
35:43Fucking penis pump and a tie-off.
35:44What's this?
35:45What would a tie-off be, Miriam?
35:47Why am I asking you?
35:48I don't know why you're asking me.
35:49I don't know what a tie-off is.
35:51I haven't seen a penis since the First World War.
35:53And then within that, you've got to learn how to move with it and do choreography and dance.
35:57Is this bloke talking up his job a bit?
36:01What?
36:01Well, he's saying it's really quite complicated to run around with your knob out.
36:05Are we going to take it off?
36:06Are we going to take it off?
36:07No, we're not.
36:09Yes, we are.
36:10No, we're not.
36:11Yes, we are.
36:14Teasy, teasy, teasy.
36:16Yeah, go for it.
36:17I don't like this programme.
36:21It's all about genitals and testicles and tying off your cock.
36:33Oh, there's a lot of people in there.
36:37I am fairly certain, as a man who finds it difficult to go to the toilet, in a public toilet,
36:43that my genitals would let me down in this situation.
37:00Oh, I can't watch this, I can't watch this.
37:03It's all a bit of a laugh.
37:04Nothing.
37:06Nothing.
37:06It's just a laugh, you think?
37:08Yeah.
37:13Oh, no.
37:15No.
37:16You could see his ass.
37:18No.
37:18Oh!
37:19Skin old!
37:21Ha, ha, ha, ha!
37:25Oh
37:29Ralph Lills ass has never seen the light of day. I'll tell you look at the color of it
37:37Oh, they are actually the date say it. I can't believe they're gonna take everything off
37:45No
37:47Don't it to be fair. I'll give them the jew like they've got some balls to do that life
37:53I got take your hands away boys. Go off not the full thing
38:00Couldn't get me doing that. No, I'm not getting my goldfish off and I want me
38:05You see they didn't actually turn around and show you everything Miriam. I don't want everything
38:10No, I know but what I'm saying is they didn't actually do it. They didn't know
38:16You relieved
38:18Very I was naked on stage in a play
38:22Yeah, and I only sure I only showed my bomb in that I saw that play where you were naked
38:27and you know what the restricted view tickets were going like hot
38:33In North London the other day
38:35I had my my granddaughter to stay and she's seven and she's completely adorable
38:40Dame Kristen and a good friend Saskia says I know I'm not supposed to ask but how old are you
38:47granny?
38:47Well, I'm sorry
38:48I don't know and but you mustn't ask anyone else that I said oh
38:52Yes
38:53Because you're not supposed to ask people how old they are because it reminds them that they're going to die
38:59soon
39:01This week we were hobnobbing with the country set as bonk-busting rivals the series dropped on Disney plus
39:08This actually has my three favorite things in it raunchiness the 80s and the Cotswolds
39:15You've got your David Tennant. Yeah, which adds a sense of gravitas. It does doesn't it?
39:20Yes, he's a Shakespearean actor and now he's in a bonk-buster. Yeah, so yes, so get the call
39:25I've not had the call well partly I would be nervous because I understand that there's quite a lot of
39:29nudity in it
39:30I think we might like this Miriam. You might like this. Well, we'll see what the acting's like
39:38I've been in Concord here. Yep
39:45That ass is a 1980s ass
39:49Ah, what a star
39:56It's a waste of good soap that night and also very uncomfortable. Oh, that's a bit of fun
40:15Oh
40:15Straighten that skirt
40:18She don't care
40:19Don't give a shit still shit. I'm not a member of the Mahering Club are you?
40:23Well, I'm so tall that just having regular sex I'm a member of the Mahering Club
40:26Oh, it's good stuff
40:33So that is Rupert Campbell black
40:36He is gorgeous though. Look at him. Yes
40:41Oh
40:41When I walk down the aisle on the plane everyone looks at me, but not for the same reason
40:47Oh
40:53Enjoying your flight Rupert
40:55Tony
40:56Battingham
40:57David Tennant's really gone on the Grecian 2000
41:00He has, doesn't he? He looks good
41:02Feel a little bit of tension between them
41:04There's a little bit of history with these two
41:07Did the prime minister give you permission to fuck a journalist in the on-board toilet?
41:11Lou, Tony, don't you plebeian?
41:13Plebeian? That means he's a plaid
41:15Yeah
41:15So if I'm right
41:17They don't like each other at all
41:21So my wife often says of certain types of music
41:24This is making me go mad
41:25And that's what this music is gonna do
41:29It's all very sexual
41:33Tell me something that isn't
41:37In the episode we saw a new family moving into the famous Shire
41:49It's a bit of me
41:50That's a bit of me
41:50An old bag of shit there
41:55Are they going to live there?
41:59Poldock
42:00What's he doing?
42:01Family
42:01This is the family arriving
42:03No it's not, it's Poldock
42:04Exciting things are gonna happen to us in a place like this
42:07Have you ever said that?
42:08All the time
42:09Just before I arrived today
42:11Exciting things are gonna happen to us in a place like this
42:20Oh there's Taggy out in the countryside walking the dog
42:23Of course it's called Taggy
42:25Taggy, Taggy, Taggy
42:28What's she spotted?
42:29Oh what's that?
42:31Is that a fire?
42:33Oh there's fire!
42:34The fuck she's shown to
42:36Fire!
42:37Why is she running to?
42:39She's running into a maze to get help
42:41Yeah, never run into a maze to get help
42:48Jesus Christ
42:50That's Rupert
42:52All of Rupert
42:53Is that his real or do you think he's wearing a prosthetic?
42:57I didn't know that was an option
43:00Naked tennis
43:02Don't be shy darling
43:05That's pure carry on
43:07That's pure Barbara Windsor isn't it?
43:08Your fields are on fire
43:10Oh fields are on fire
43:11I thought it was the house
43:13And
43:14Well that wasn't who he was on the plane with
43:16So Rupert just is getting about then basically yeah
43:19A bit later and everyone had gone round to Tony's gaff
43:22for a high society knees up
43:25Tony Paul Stratton's here
43:29Who's Paul Stratton?
43:30Deputy Prime Minister
43:32Oh he's in with the big wigs isn't he?
43:34Sorry we're late everyone
43:36Oh the tennis player
43:38Rupert's been banging his wife
43:40Correct someone
43:41Stop it this is getting messy
43:45But she knows because she's seen them
43:47Yeah
43:47Her world is crumbling
43:49Her innocence is disappearing
43:51Now you are a very welcome upgrade
43:54Well done Paul
43:57He gave the look
43:58Don't say a word
44:01Tony's caught the stare
44:02Tony's caught
44:02He got AIDS
44:03Tony and her
44:04So Tony now knows that she knows something
44:06Good to get everything out in the open
44:08We're insanely happy
44:10Aren't we Paul?
44:11It was all out in the open
44:12I seen it myself
44:17I heard about you catching Campbell Black playing tennis in the Noddy
44:21Word gets around Julie apparently
44:22Noddy means naked
44:24And I know who the mystery woman was now
44:27Don't I?
44:34But here so he is going to blackmail them do you think?
44:38Oh yes
44:43That's the woman from the plane
44:45It is
44:46Don't tell me Tony's snitching
44:49Look watch her face will crumble
44:54Dish the dirt
44:55Oh she didn't know
44:56She is not happy
44:59Oh he's getting it
45:01Incoming
45:06Oh look at that
45:07You've been shagging Sarah Stratton too
45:09Oh
45:10Oh
45:10Sarah Stratton's there
45:12We're Paul
45:13It was only tennis
45:16Naked
45:22It's sort of a little bit like a carry-on
45:24Yeah
45:25It's like a slightly fruitier carry-on
45:27Film
45:31Oh look at that
45:32Tony's really delighted
45:34Didn't he really
45:35He's done his work
45:35Yeah
45:36I tell you what David Tennant is doing a lot of
45:38I can't do it because I'm not a good enough actor as this
45:40Yeah there's a lot of
45:41Yeah but he's just caused tremendous trouble
45:43And so we have to register that he's pleased with himself
45:46Yeah
45:46Would you ever play naked tennis Miriam
45:48Just asking
45:49I'm just asking
45:50Don't shout at me
45:52Would I play naked tennis?
45:54I'm just asking
45:55Only with you
45:56Don't be ridiculous
46:05And Josh and Miriam will be popping over to the Last Lake studio
46:08Come on guys you've not got long
46:10They're kicking off the new series with a stand up to cancer special next
46:13And we're keeping an eye on Sunday too
46:15Not just because we heard zombies might be here
46:17Then weekly's Generation Z starts at 9
46:22You've got time to watch
46:24You've got time to watch this world