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00:05Every evening in Britain, more than 20 million of us choose to spend a night in, in front of the
00:13telly.
00:15Somehow we find the time to watch an average of four hours every day.
00:20Jesus, what is wrong with these peeps?
00:23Now imagine while you watched TV, it was watching you.
00:28Oh, she's burned it. She's fucked that up.
00:31He's a buffoon.
00:33What would it seem?
00:34Martha, stop being typical.
00:38We're going behind closed doors.
00:41No integrity, you bonking Tory frat.
00:44Into living rooms up and down the country.
00:48To find out what people thought about what was on in the last seven days.
00:57In the week where much of the country was covered in a blanket of unexpected snow.
01:02Why are we having this weather now?
01:04We watched lots of great telly, including Boris Johnson, The Irresistible Rise on BBC Two.
01:12Why are you sitting there watching this on screen?
01:17ITV's hit game show, The Cube.
01:20Basically what this show is, crap fairground games on telly in a box.
01:26And a BBC one-off, documenting the frozen people of Pompeii.
01:30She's a strange choice as a presenter.
01:33Very.
01:34Very strange because she's quite dull.
01:45Ginge.
01:48Ginge.
01:50In Brighton, hairdressers Stephen and Chris, with their cat Ginge.
01:56He's hungry.
01:58He's always fucking hungry.
02:00Chicken crispy rolls.
02:02How many rolls are getting there?
02:03In South London, best friends Sandy and Sandra.
02:07Alright, make them fat.
02:09Cos I'm very fat.
02:13I'm having a vodka red bull while they're up there.
02:15Oh really?
02:16Yeah.
02:16Steph and husband Dom.
02:19Woohoo!
02:20Have a sausage dog named Gigi.
02:23Rip my bloody jumper.
02:26Bug a shit fuck.
02:28Come on Louie, put master chef on.
02:30What's his name? Greg somebody.
02:31There it is.
02:32And this is the Michael family.
02:35Dad Andrew is a former local hurdling champion.
02:39That's got about 70 billion calories in it.
02:43Oh, I feel really guilty now.
02:44There are more calories in there than the Cypriot debt.
02:48On Thursday night, they and four and a half million of us settled down to watch Masterchef.
02:55Cooking does not get tougher than this.
03:02These five are all vying for a place in the quarter final.
03:07Welcome to Masterchef.
03:08Good to see you.
03:10Do you watch it?
03:11Not really.
03:12Things don't make, I always sit down to it when I've just cooked my tea as well.
03:15And you're eating your dinner and you're watching this.
03:17It just makes your food look absolutely crud.
03:19You look very calm to me.
03:21Do I? I'm really nervous.
03:23What are you going to make for me and John?
03:24I like him because he's lost weight.
03:26And I think that's really commendable.
03:28Takes a lot of discipline and self-control.
03:31We've got no vanilla.
03:32How can you make custard without vanilla?
03:34He gets so excited over there.
03:36How's he lost weight?
03:37He should still be a fat hefe.
03:38Who is this Wallace bloke?
03:39He's just, he's just a chef.
03:41He's a cock.
03:42Some contestants try to tempt Greg by making a dessert.
03:47Clare, I've been watching you with real interest.
03:49What are you making?
03:50Rhubarb and apple tart.
03:52Told ya.
03:52See him?
03:53I've been watching you with real big interest.
03:55What are you making?
03:55Dessert.
03:56Mate, he gets hard for dessert.
03:58He loves his dessert.
04:01Sweet and sharp and tasty and sultry and sexual.
04:07He ain't sexy like that man that cooked the bread.
04:09I tell you who's sexy for me, Ainsley.
04:12Won't cook, won't cook.
04:14Who cooked?
04:16Chubby, what are you going to make for us?
04:18I'm doing some of the chicken livers with some crispy sage and cabbage.
04:23Looks like Robbie Williams.
04:24That so looks like Robbie Williams.
04:26No, it doesn't.
04:27Stop!
04:29That whole concept of refined food is a challenge for me.
04:34But, er, it should be fun finding out whether I can do it.
04:38I'm doing some crispy chicken with chicken livers.
04:41You told your eyes shut.
04:43I've been told someone with your eyes shut.
04:45Toby tried hard to impress the judges with his giblets.
04:49You have a good touch, but what is that dish?
04:52Ooh.
04:53Ooh.
04:53I don't look like...
04:55I look like doo-doo.
04:56Toby's savoury dish is pan-fried chicken livers with crispy sage, cabbage and black pudding.
05:02That looks absolutely...
05:03That literally looks like complete shit.
05:05That looks absolutely gross.
05:07Definitely looks like something's usually just deposited.
05:11Let's cook.
05:14In the last round, they had to cook something special against the clock.
05:22You've got just 12 minutes.
05:24I could do that.
05:25Stick it in a wok.
05:27Can I just say, though, you can't do it here, because you burnt my wok.
05:31I had to chuck it out.
05:36It's quite a frenetic show, isn't it?
05:38You know, all this...
05:39Yeah, it makes me nervous watching it.
05:41What's she making?
05:42A pancake.
05:42Yeah, it looks like it.
05:44Last five minutes.
05:49Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
05:50Get it done, get it done, get it done, get it done.
05:52The pressure of time was too much for contestant Zara.
05:56One minute.
06:00Oh, my God!
06:04You are fucked that up!
06:06Oh, she's burned it.
06:07She's fucked that up.
06:09Oh, dear.
06:10Oh, dear.
06:11Oh, dear.
06:11Oh, dear.
06:12Oh, dear.
06:12Oh, dear.
06:12Oh, dear.
06:12Oh, dear.
06:13Poor girl.
06:13There's not a lot you can say about it.
06:16I'd actually eat it, you know?
06:17Because you're a fat git, that's why.
06:20It's not a fine specimen of culinary art and skill, is it?
06:24I mean, funny, but you don't get to the quarterfinals,
06:26a master chef, and cook them pancakes and sauce.
06:29I mean, that's what you cook for kid dinners.
06:31She might as well have just put a fucking flip-flop on a plate.
06:36Hey, look, do you notice something?
06:41Hot.
06:45Sorry, guys, but you're both leaving us.
06:47Thanks very much.
06:48Bring back the galloping gourmet, glass of wine in one hand,
06:52One for the pot.
06:53One for the pot.
06:53One for the pot.
06:54One for the pot.
06:54One for the remember.
06:57The thing is, these programmes...
06:59They just make you feel hungry, don't they?
07:01I mean, after starving, now...
07:03Well, not when they're dishing up things that look like fucking shit,
07:05I don't know.
07:09in brighton oh the valley of the king we've been there we've got to watch this mrs michael has no
07:17idea that eldest son pascal who's studying at aberdeen uni is about to pay a surprise visit
07:44they and two million others watched a program about ancient egypt presented by an expert from sheffield
07:53it's okay trying to understand ancient egypt on a visual level pyramids king talk mummies but to
07:59really get into the heads of the ancient egyptians you've got to walk in their footsteps wonder where
08:04they got her from they seem like they pulled her out of a bingo hall oh it loved you want
08:09to present
08:09a program about egypt yeah i can do that can we make tracy come and all that sandwiches the
08:18documentary aimed to show the lives of ordinary ancient egyptians foreman to the stone mason from
08:25the draftsman to the carpenter and they all lived here with their wives and children where do they
08:31find these people she does like a fucking ken dodd yeah she does oh ticker me not ticker me not
08:39a cross between ken dodd and annie oh my god all ancient egyptian women wanted to be like hathor she's
08:48like a modern female celebrity that all women aspire to be she had it all and she was worshipped here
08:55she's like ozzy osbourne looks a bit like john lennon with them sunglasses on imagine all the pharaohs
09:04operating secretly within this stunning landscape love when she does this it became a mine of
09:13information of so much information is that david cameron yes he can't move about using his hands
09:21this is the funerary temple of the great female pharaoh hat shepsut at dear el bahri i don't
09:29understand the word she's saying is she talking english the face of a beautiful woman but with
09:35cows ears poking through the mass of hair to reflect the goddesses cow like docile sweet nature what is
09:43she talking about she's talking about you know what i'm listening to her and i'm not really what is
09:48you talking about she's put me off learning about the egyptians he tells us this very sad story i don't
09:56know i think maybe it's the accent i mean she's very knowledgeable about this but she just sounds
10:01thick to me well we're probably a lot thicker yeah probably yeah the program ended with the presenter
10:12visiting the final resting place of armenotep the third it's so exciting to be going in here and
10:19following in cars wonderful footsteps go on take your lamp with you and get on with it my enthusiasm is
10:25well-founded because the tomb currently under restoration has been closed for decades she's a
10:32crank it literally has brought tears to my eyes he's so stunning oh god she's getting emotional oh
10:39fucking hell this isn't very professional is it oh god she's crying she's crying oh my god oh give
10:48me a break why is she crying because she's so moved she's never seen it before why is it they
10:54can't make
10:55a tv show these days without someone crying their eyes holes why do you bless her if you're really
11:01imagine if you're really into saying like that that would reduce you to tears have you ever been
11:07anywhere or seen anything and you've cried no
11:14in north london mrs tapper wanted to watch the news i hate the news relevant relevant do you know what
11:24i'm not sitting with you watching television don't talk rubbish if you don't watch the news you don't
11:29know what's going on in the world
11:33the russian billionaire boris berezovsky has been found dead at his home in surrey the
11:38circumstances of his death are unclear he was 67 i bet you anything you like he's been bumped off
11:43definitely definitely i wonder how they've done it james bond probably took him out oh the russians
11:50have got him like like they got let's in anchor now what more do we know at this stage we
11:58don't
11:58know much more about the circumstances of his death mr borisovsky survived numerous assassination
12:04attempts including a bomb that decapitated his chauffeur the russians don't mess about do they
12:30don't get it quick no let it ring out didn't it ring before it can ring out and people will
12:35leave
12:35a message don't get it who are you speaking to leon and june went on their first day in 1955
12:45was not the kind baza is an estate agent and got married two years ago hi rocky
12:58on saturday night five million of us tuned in to watch phillips gofield and his perspex box
13:06this is the cube where simple tasks become epic challenges
13:13i love this program
13:14if you can remain calm under pressure you can win big money will someone hold their nerve
13:21tonight and walk away with 250 000 pounds oh your favorite presenter oh
13:26do you think he's attractive paul schofield yeah i do actually
13:37what's that all about mr phillips
13:40women do like him though don't they all written a few fellas doing all
13:44it's that silver gray hair in it one minute he's on telly with jet black hair and next minute he's
13:49got
13:49white hair it's freaked me out when i saw them i thought he's done it on purpose for the last
13:56he's done a little bit thin there on his temples
14:01his temples temples ain't up here temples yeah here your temples are here
14:06oh what are these you there you're there you're there what are these then you read
14:11this week contestant kevin faced a massive dilemma
14:15to keep the fifty thousand pounds he'd already won
14:18or to try and double it and face the cube
14:21What you've got to do is to decide, if you play this, not only what it would mean to win
14:27£100,000,
14:28but you do have to take into consideration the losing of the 50.
14:32Ricky.
14:33I'm nervous. Nervous for this one. It's a lot of money.
14:38£100,000. So...
14:42Oh, fucking get on with it. Stop fuck-arsing about.
14:46You read my mind.
14:47Seriously.
14:48Oh, well, I don't know that. My time is...
14:50Get on with it.
14:51Why do they talk so much?
14:53Because otherwise, if they just...
14:55Well, they just make the programme a bit shorter.
14:56No, because if they did challenge after challenge after challenge, the programme would probably be about 15 minutes.
15:00Come on. Move. On. The. It.
15:05What would you say to me?
15:07Take the 50.
15:09You wouldn't?
15:10I would. I would. £50,000 is a lot of money.
15:13I'd always gamble.
15:14Can you do it?
15:16Let's find out. You in?
15:21Cube, play the game.
15:23The £100,000 rested on a unique test of skill and physical ability.
15:31Once you start your game, by the way, you can't take it out once it's in.
15:34I've heard that before.
15:36Once you're in, don't take it out.
15:41Oh, for fuck's sake, that's not that hard.
15:43I think it probably is.
15:45It's Black Perry Operation.
15:50Please fail. Fail. Fail. Fail.
15:52I feel like shaking the telly.
15:54Shake the telly to put them off.
16:03Quiet, June.
16:06Shh.
16:09Quiet, June.
16:14This is too tense for me. My heart is pounding.
16:20Shh.
16:22He can't hear me.
16:23Hold your nerve, June.
16:28Oh, that's so close.
16:31Oh, he's shaking now.
16:32Come on.
16:33Come on!
16:37He must be dripping with sweat underneath that fleece.
16:40He's going to touch it, he's going to touch it.
16:42Don't touch it!
16:46Mate, when this started, I actually didn't want him to do it.
16:49I want him to do it now.
16:50Oh, he's nearly there!
16:56He's going to lose, he's going to, he's going to, he's going to, he's going to, he's going to touch
16:59it, you know why?
17:01Yay!
17:02Yay!
17:05Yes!
17:05He won a hundred thousand pounds.
17:07Yes!
17:07The whole family's thinking, yes, holiday.
17:10He's done it.
17:11He's won a hundred thousand.
17:13Oh, whoopee doodah!
17:16Is that it?
17:16That was the, exactly, that's it.
17:19Game seven is for a quarter of a million pounds and to beat the dude.
17:26I've never seen anybody take away 250 ever.
17:29Mate, basically what this show is, is crap fairground games on telly in a box.
17:35To go for it, you have to risk a hundred thousand.
17:40No!
17:41Take the money.
17:41Fuck off, take the money.
17:42Take the money, go home.
17:43What would you do, Dad?
17:45Well, what would you do?
17:46I'll have a go.
17:47You would?
17:47Yeah.
17:48Dad would take a hundred thousand.
17:49It's just, it's too much of a gamble.
17:51You have no balls.
17:53What would you say?
17:54Take it.
17:56You know what I'd do.
17:58And if you'd lost it, that would be the end.
18:00I'd never speak to you again.
18:01Really?
18:01Take the money and run, you twat.
18:04I've got heavy, I've got heavy money.
18:06This is it.
18:06A hundred thousand, it's a lot.
18:11Oh, no.
18:13And you'd have gambled it.
18:15Definitely.
18:16And do you know what?
18:18You'd have killed me.
18:19The locks would be changed on the doors.
18:27Queen Eve, Queen Eve!
18:29The news is on!
18:31All right, all right.
18:32I'm on, man.
18:33On Monday night, there was one news story that dominated the headlines.
18:38Tonight at 10, David Cameron promises to limit the rights of migrants to claim benefits,
18:44health care and housing.
18:45He says British people are rightly concerned about a something-for-nothing culture among migrants.
18:51Despite questions about the detail and the impact, the Prime Minister says he has the right approach.
18:57Ending the something-for-nothing culture is something that needs to apply in the immigration system as well as in
19:03the welfare system.
19:04He's toadying to the right wing.
19:08We know Romanians, we know Albanians, we know Polish people who work their socks off.
19:15And my grandparents were immigrants and worked hard.
19:20We're going to strengthen the test that determines which migrants can access benefits.
19:25I bloody well agree with that.
19:27It's about bloody time.
19:28Everybody knows they come over here and they get it all for nothing.
19:32If you come here and you haven't got a job to go to, why should you be claiming it?
19:36They come with the idea that you know exactly what job you're getting.
19:39Well, that's what it happened in-
19:40We'll give them a bit of time to get settled in first.
19:42You come over to this country and we go, come on in, let's have a little chat.
19:46What sort of house do you know?
19:47How about Pimlico?
19:49If you go to another country, get a wander in and go, hi, I've got nowhere to live, they'll go,
19:55piss off home.
19:56By stopping our benefit system from being such a soft touch.
19:59He's toading to the conservative right wing.
20:03He's a weak man with his woman's mouth.
20:07Oh, he's a horror.
20:09The only problem I've got with immigration is that the more they come in, the more our benefits go down.
20:15And less houses we get.
20:17I'm not against them, but there's a lot of foreigners here.
20:21How would you sneak in?
20:23I'd swim the channel.
20:24I'd like get to France and swim the channel and then creep in.
20:28How did we sneak in last time, Dan?
20:35This week, BBC2 brought us a new series about the National Health Service.
20:40We've got a 20-year-old motorcyclist versus car.
20:43But what would our viewers make of this tribute to the NHS?
20:49I feel we're very lucky to have a national health.
20:51Whenever I've had anything done, in and out, brilliant.
20:56Best in the world.
20:581,500 of us will die.
21:012,000 will be born.
21:03Oh, that's a baby.
21:06Often, we take it for granted.
21:08We do take it for granted.
21:09We do take it for granted, but it's the best thing that this country has.
21:14Capturing the NHS as you've never seen it before.
21:18Baby born at 5 to 3.
21:20One of the patients featured on the programme was Lynn, who was having a gastric band operation on the NHS.
21:27It's the start of my new life.
21:31Mate, do you throw out these gastric bands far too easy these days?
21:35Far too easy.
21:36Put them on a treadmill and tie a burger in front of them.
21:39Mate, when you go to hospitals, they're either full of fat people, drunks or drug addicts.
21:43You know what I mean?
21:44I think how much they're closing up the hospitals.
21:46It's something that I need for a better way of life.
21:50See, that's the problem.
21:51In this country, everyone feels it's their right to get everything.
21:54Yeah, yeah, but there's millions and millions of people and everyone says, I need, I need, look, KFC thing.
22:00Because she likes KFC that fucking much, the National Health are willing to give her a bloody gastric band.
22:05Yeah.
22:07When my mum, when my mum, when my mum, um, was in hospital, getting ready today,
22:14I ate all her dinners.
22:17She gave them to me, she went hungry.
22:20Our viewers reacted differently, though, when they saw what was involved in Lynn's operation.
22:25Telescope, so these are the eyes for the operation, and it puts a picture up on the screen.
22:31Fine, so we'll start off here.
22:32Ooh!
22:33Hold on, hold on.
22:35Don't show us.
22:37Don't show us, but...
22:38He's actually inside that woman's body.
22:42Look, he's actually...
22:43What's this?
22:44What's he prodding?
22:46Can you imagine my inside?
22:48Dark like a dungeon, deep like a well.
22:52And a few minutes into the procedure, our viewers watched as the surgeon discovered something wasn't quite right.
22:59Something weird.
23:00There's something in the morning.
23:02Yeah.
23:03There's something there.
23:05Shit.
23:06They found something.
23:07They found something.
23:08I think it's ovarian.
23:10I think she's got an ovarian tumour.
23:13Oh!
23:13Oh, God, I actually...
23:16Oh!
23:16Oh!
23:17What is that?
23:17What is that?
23:19I can't hear it.
23:20It's too horrible to even look.
23:22I've got an even better watch.
23:24I'm not sure I'm going to carry on with her, because I think she's got a cancer.
23:28Oh, my God, I can't watch this.
23:29Oh, my God, I can't watch this.
23:31Oh, my God, I can't watch this.
23:35Oh, my God, I can't watch this.
23:59That'd be awful.
24:06Thankfully for Lynn, further tests revealed it wasn't cancer after all.
24:13It may have ticked my ass off to everybody involved in the NHS when you look at something like this.
24:18The NHS are amazing in this country.
24:20Everyone slags them off all the time.
24:21The doctors and the nurses, they take a lot of stick.
24:25They work very hard.
24:26And it's very stressful.
24:28Yeah, no, it's a good program.
24:32Better than casualty.
24:46Louie, have you eaten all the marshmallows?
24:48No.
24:49I couldn't find them anywhere.
24:50I looked everywhere.
24:51I can't find them.
24:54Does anybody want any buns?
24:55Oh, God.
24:59I'm going to need another one.
25:03This week, BBC One tried to solve the mystery of people frozen in time in Pompeii.
25:12It's not the one with Frankie Howard, is it, is it?
25:14Oh, yeah, no.
25:16Oh, yeah, no.
25:18They are unique.
25:19The documentary followed presenter Margaret Mountford on a trip to Mount Vesuvius, which erupted 2,000 years ago.
25:27They're not statues.
25:29These are the remains of people frozen in the last few seconds of their lives.
25:35Oh, it's old Mags.
25:36Is that her name?
25:37Oh, Margaret.
25:37Yeah, Maggie.
25:38From The Apprentice.
25:40What the hell is she doing on this?
25:42Oh, look, it's her from Dragon's Den.
25:43How come she is doing this program?
25:46It's a bit weird, because she's not really an archaeologist, is she?
25:50Oh, she's a doctor.
25:51This is what she left Apprentice to do.
25:54She has a PhD in paprology.
25:56In what?
25:57Paprology is the study of ancient literature, correspondence, legal archives, etc.
26:02Yes, yes, so it is to do with ancient literature.
26:03It's classics.
26:05The amazing thing is that inside those plaster casts are real people.
26:11Ooh, bullshit.
26:13Absolute bullshit.
26:14I think it is fake.
26:16Do you think it's a conspiracy theory?
26:17No, but I think, look how many visitors it's bought.
26:21Of course they're going to make it up.
26:22It's really bizarre, but are they actually...
26:26I think it's amazing.
26:27I always imagine, like, in 3,000 years' time, how are the people then going to interpret us?
26:33Well, they won't, because we won't be left.
26:35We won't be plaster cast.
26:36We might be.
26:37You don't know.
26:38We'll be just gone to ash.
26:39No, something might happen.
26:41Gone to dust.
26:41I'm saying...
26:41We don't live near a volcano, do we?
26:43I'm not saying about a volcano.
26:45We're not going to be preserved by a bloody volcano.
26:47Well, what else is going to happen?
26:48I'm not talking about being preserved.
26:50I'm just saying, how are people in the future going to interpret us?
26:54There's always remnants of the past, Mama.
26:56Not really.
26:57Mama, there are always remnants of the past, okay?
27:01There will always be remnants of the past.
27:03Well, I thought the only thing would be disposable nappies, because they don't...
27:06Oh, my God.
27:06Oh, my God.
27:06They don't break down.
27:08Just stop talking.
27:08Oh, there won't be much else left.
27:11I had no idea.
27:13To find out what this woman used to look like, Margaret enlisted the help of an expert.
27:18That's the edge of the skull there.
27:21Yes.
27:22Our palette.
27:24And our teeth.
27:25If you put a beard and a moustache on Margaret, she'd look exactly like the guy standing...
27:31So, is this good enough to create a reconstruction from?
27:35Got the same haircut.
27:37Yeah, she still has that face she had with all the contestants in The Apprentice.
27:40Yeah.
27:41I'm waiting for Nick to just be standing in the background rolling his eyes.
27:46Slowly, layer upon layer of muscle and soft tissue is built up.
27:51Once the eyes are in place, the face is taking place.
27:54How does he know she hasn't got a big lump on the end of her nose?
27:57How does he know that?
27:57A wart, exactly.
27:58How does he know that?
27:59Yeah, how did they work that all out?
28:00How did they work out that they didn't have dangly earlobes or the stuck-in earlobes?
28:04Should have had one eye plucked out, so it's got pus oozing out of it.
28:08Yeah, yeah.
28:08Should have had a beard.
28:10Yeah.
28:10Or how big their lips were.
28:12It's a minor detail, isn't it?
28:14It's a pretty big detail.
28:15They spend days, weeks, years on end constantly trying to find out what potentially this body's
28:22face could have looked like.
28:23Who cares?
28:25Well, I'm looking forward to seeing what you've made.
28:27Yes, well, you've only seen a skull of her before, haven't you?
28:57So...
28:57they've helped to explain how the people actually died.
29:02Fucking horrible way to go, though, eh?
29:04Quick.
29:06Well, I'm probably going to die of some hideous cancer.
29:09I'd have to be shot by a jealous husband.
29:24It's so good to have your backpack.
29:25I saw quite...
29:27It's so nice.
29:28Where the hell did you have to go to bloody Aberdeen anyway?
29:31Bloody Aberdeen.
29:32I didn't get into my other universities.
29:35Basically.
29:36Any of them.
29:37So, a little, uh...
29:39A little, uh, Monday evening, um...
29:42Vodka Red Bull.
29:44Just to set the week off.
29:45Why not?
29:48Anyone for Boris?
29:50No, I'm not for Boris.
29:54On Monday night, the BBC introduced the nation to the real Boris Johnson
29:59and wondered if we'd like him to be our Prime Minister.
30:05Oh, look in.
30:06He's just a piss-take waiting to happen, really, isn't he?
30:08I think he's a buffoon.
30:10Oh, no!
30:12Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
30:15Oh, my God!
30:16That's hilarious!
30:18This film examines what really makes Boris tick
30:20and whether he's a man to trust
30:22and whether he could replace his fellow Etonian at number ten.
30:25Biggest star in British politics.
30:27I'd go along with that, actually.
30:28I wouldn't.
30:30He's a buffoon.
30:31OK, that's fine.
30:33The documentary started with the future London mayor
30:36in a rubber dinghy, heading downstream.
30:41my brother's is in. Hello. Is that him? Oh my God. Boris was the first of numerous Johnson children
30:47who grew up in a super competitive household. All right, chubster. God, whose legs did he get?
30:55Boris was a champion when he was born because not only was he very big. You can see where he
30:59gets
30:59his teeth from, can't you? Yeah. Oh, look at his mum. She's been cutting her own fringe, I reckon.
31:04That's a bowl on the head job, isn't it? Yeah, she's dead. They're all the same, aren't they?
31:09They're like little clowns of each other. I shall never forget the expression on Boris's face
31:14when he arrived at the hospital and saw me holding a new baby. Boris was sent to Eton on a
31:29scholarship
31:29aged 13. Over my dead body would you have been sent to Eton if I thought that you would turn
31:38out like one of those tops or twat? Oh.
31:44Do you think that Eton increased your sense of competitiveness?
31:47Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And that was a good thing
31:57and I'd encourage that.
31:59There are the old occasion when I think there's so much waffle that even he doesn't know what he's saying.
32:06So much waffle? No, really?
32:10No, really?
32:15Well, you're not really making any comments, are you?
32:20What does he know about the working class?
32:22Another Eton school boy was also in the programme.
32:26I think it's an excellent opportunity for London to have someone who I think can unite Londoners,
32:31can inspire Londoners and can give leadership to what is...
32:34They've both got big noses. Aren't they ghastly, these posh kids? They really turn my stomach, I have to say.
32:41At least Boris is funny. He's just like a smarmy pillock.
32:45He is a dick. He is an absolute dick.
32:47That last week when he said chillax. Yeah, exactly.
32:50If I'd be in the same room with him, I'd have fucking phoned something at him.
32:54The programme concluded with the big question on everybody's lips.
32:58Would you like to be Prime Minister?
33:00Well, I would like to be...
33:04Go on, say yes, Boris. Come on. Say yes.
33:08The lead singer of an international rock group.
33:12Would you like to be Prime Minister?
33:16Yes, I would like to be Prime Minister.
33:18I think it's a very tough job being Prime Minister. Very tough job.
33:21Oh, Helen would have been a good Prime Minister.
33:25She's bright.
33:27I mean, obviously, if that ball came loose from the back of a scrum...
33:31Of course it would be a great, great thing to have a crack at, but it's not going to happen.
33:36I honestly can't see him as Prime Minister.
33:38His lips are too thick.
33:39He's a twat, he's a top, and he is a fool, and he's a buffoon, and it's obviously fake, but
33:46I still like him.
33:48Yeah, but it's his thing. He is the playful idiot with the shaggy hair.
33:53Yeah, but you have to beware the fool, because in all Shakespeare plays, the fool is actually the clever one.
33:59He's probably a lot smarter than what he does let on.
34:02Yeah, but I reckon underneath it all, he's a conniving little bastard, and he's got his eyes set on that
34:08job.
34:08If I actually genuinely thought he was up for a chance, I'd back him.
34:14You used to think I'd be Prime Minister, Lloyd. I still do.
34:17It'll happen one day, I promise.
34:18What did he think I'd be, Dad?
34:21Let's not go there.
34:26Dom, could you please have some coffee?
34:28Woo!
34:29Oh!
34:29Woo!
34:31Oh, and they're all fucking broke!
34:36Hey, baby!
34:37Oh, shit!
34:40Oh, shit!
34:42We broke in the chair!
34:45We broke in the seriously expensive chair!
34:48Fuck, for serious?
34:52Oh, my God!
34:54Right, come on.
34:57Wee!
34:57Oh, for fuck's sake!
35:00Oh, no!
35:02Fuck off!
35:03I'm busy repairing the sofa.
35:08You've got to keep an eye on Screech!
35:11Why?
35:13Shh, shh, shh!
35:15Grown-up.
35:16Shh!
35:24Well, you can, of course, watch the most popular and talked-about Channel 4 programmes
35:30from the last seven days on 4-7.
35:33An intimate and compelling True Stories documentary next Thursday at 10 o'clock.
35:38What really goes on in the secretive world of dogging?
35:42Up next, it's Random Acts.
35:50It's Random Acts.
35:51All right.
35:52All right.