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00:00Here I come, here I come, here I come
00:04Just call me the roller
00:09Every evening in Britain
00:10You've just won one
00:11More than 20 million of us choose to spend a night in
00:16In front of the telly
00:18It's the expected judges
00:18Somehow we find the time to watch an average of four hours every day
00:29Now imagine while you watched TV, it was watching you
00:33Oh my God, look, look
00:35What would it see?
00:43We're going behind closed doors
00:45This is irritating already
00:46Into living rooms up and down the country
00:49She used to be a fur
00:51Where's Jeremy Kyle when you knew you didn't handle
00:54To find out what people thought about what was on in the last seven days
00:58Oh my God
01:00The Queen has been admitted to hospital with a stomach
01:03It doesn't sound good, does it?
01:05The world is seeking to learn why we never saw this coming
01:09I would have thought it was the end of the world
01:10Well you would, look at that
01:12Welcome to food, glorious food
01:14This is on the shirt tails of the Great British Bake Off
01:18And that's just rude
01:22What made us laugh?
01:26What made us angry?
01:28All that matters is money
01:29Because everyone's corrupt
01:30It's conceivable because I can conceive it
01:32And what made us cry?
01:35Aww
01:36Find out what the nation was thinking this week
01:39That was wonderful
01:47Meet the Michael family
01:48Retired hotelier Andrew
01:50His wife Caroline
01:51And their two children
01:53Oh my God
01:54Do not
01:55No
01:55I have to
01:59You've got half your dinner down your chin
02:01In Liverpool
02:03That's better
02:04Leon and June have been married for 52 years
02:07In Brighton
02:09Hairdressers Chris and Stephen have been together for six months
02:14Gingy minge
02:17And from Derby
02:19This is Sid Siddiqui and his three sons
02:22Is it three did you say?
02:24Yes quite nice
02:25Alright starting
02:26A couple of weeks ago
02:27An asteroid fell to earth in Russia
02:30Luckily no one died
02:31On Sunday evening
02:33There was a documentary about it
02:35Using special computer graphics
02:37To show what the meteor must have looked like
02:40The world's astronomers
02:42I never trust these things
02:44They always tell you these things
02:46I don't believe it
02:47Half the time
02:47No one on earth
02:49Had the faintest inkling
02:51Of what was coming their way
02:52There's no way
02:54You cannot see that
02:55Look at it
02:55It's not like it's a cocoa pop
02:58It was bigger than a double-decker bus
03:01Careering towards us
03:02At 40,000 miles an hour
03:05Fucking hell
03:05Bruce Willis
03:07Bruce Willis will see you to us
03:14Is that it?
03:15Yeah
03:15No way
03:17Yeah
03:20You'd think what the fuck's that wouldn't you?
03:22Yeah you'd be petrified
03:23We don't know it was a meteor though
03:25It could easily be some sort of American thing
03:28That they're doing
03:29Of God's sake
03:29A testing
03:30Oh my God
03:37What was that?
03:41You'd have thought it was the end of the world
03:43Well you would
03:44Look at that
03:45I bet you there wasn't even a meteor
03:48There's the Americans doing something
03:52You're just guessing
03:53You don't know any of these things
03:57The program followed a British scientist
03:59Who went to Siberia to find a sample of the alien rock
04:05They said that a good place to look would be somewhere over there
04:08Over by those forests
04:09So that's where I'm going to head out now
04:13Oh Chris you want to see what this crank's up to now
04:17What?
04:18She's gone out looking for the meteorite
04:19But she's fucking minged deep in snow
04:24There we have it
04:26That is one meteorite
04:28Yeah it's just a bit of rock isn't it
04:29I mean
04:30You know it's not cut and dried
04:32That it was necessarily a meteorite
04:36They're the first people to get up close and personal with these meteorites
04:40So being here at the moment is a really exciting time
04:43It isn't
04:44And in a program about the wonders of the solar system
04:47It seemed one big star was missing
04:50Where's Brian Cox when you need him?
04:53God dear
04:54I'm surprised they haven't like shown Brian Cox or got his view of it
04:58I'd imagine he'd say something like
04:59Oh look at that, what's that in the sky?
05:02Oh it's so shiny
05:05I'm just so amazed by
05:08Who's Brian Cox?
05:10Meteor
05:11Who's Brian Cox?
05:12Who's Brian Cox?
05:13You know that song
05:14Things will only get better
05:19When Tony Blair came to power
05:21It was his theme tune
05:23He's going to break the theme tune
05:25And Brian Cox was part of that band
05:26Okay can I watch this?
05:29I'm quite allowed to see what's happening
05:31Do you actually care about it?
05:33Yes
05:34We're overdue for a giant meteor strike
05:36Chances are there is going to be one at some point in the future
05:40The program ended with the scientist's phase for the future of life on Earth
05:45It's going on a bit now this isn't it?
05:48Mmm
05:48Mate you know what I've suddenly lost all interest in this meteor
05:52Things can only get better
05:57Can only get better
06:01Mum
06:03Shut up
06:17What a weekend
06:19What are you having tonight?
06:21I'm going to have a very large Bloody Mary please
06:24Okay
06:24Meet Steph and Dom
06:26Who live in a 17 bedroom house in Kent
06:30In Wigan
06:31Recovering from a big night out
06:33Our best mates Stephen and Michael
06:35Do you want a herbal tea?
06:37Yeah
06:39The Allen sisters live with their parents in Essex
06:42I'm very impressed that you didn't
06:44Drop, spill, smash
06:45And in Maidstone this is Helen who lives with her daughter Jill
06:50There's snow tomorrow is it?
06:52No, no snow but it's going to be rainy and horrible tomorrow
06:57Just some of the millions who watched the news on Sunday night
07:00When people feared that something serious may have happened to our monarch
07:05The Queen is admitted to hospital suffering from the stomach infection gastroenteritis
07:10Buckingham Palace say the move is a precaution
07:13And stress the Queen is in good spirits
07:16Oh dear
07:17The Queen has been admitted to hospital in London
07:19To be assessed for symptoms of gastroenteritis
07:22That doesn't sound good does it?
07:24That isn't good is it?
07:26I never believe them when they say like
07:27Neither do I
07:28Yeah but
07:29They have to report something
07:31Yeah
07:31Poor old thing
07:33She's never real
07:34Because the gastroenteritis has not cleared up after two days
07:38They did talk to Queen's hospital gastroenteritis
07:40What's that?
07:41They say you spew up and you've got the shits
07:45Doctors say gastroenteritis can be debilitating
07:48I feel sorry that she's asked to have that all glazed over the television
07:52Why would they want to put that?
07:54We don't really get to see the Queen eat
07:56We never get to see the Queen eat
07:57Because it's not permitted
08:00Why we should be allowed to be discussing her
08:04Her bowels?
08:05Her bowel movements
08:06Is beyond me
08:08Totally information
08:09I don't think she'd want us to know
08:11Mate if it's all over the news
08:12That the Queen's got the shits
08:13What's going on when she finally pops her clogs?
08:15The Queen is renowned
08:16Mate at least when Michael Jackson died
08:18You've got to listen to Michael Jackson
08:20On all the radio stations for days
08:22She's got such lovely twinkly eyes
08:25And where's Philippe when you need him?
08:27Oh, there he is
08:27Right there
08:30Insulting everybody
08:30Yeah, but obviously she turns 87 next month
08:34She's the same age as you, isn't she?
08:3686
08:3786, I mean, she's had a hugely busy year
08:42Well, I hope it's not serious
08:44Bloody right, I hope it's not serious
08:45There's people dying around the world
08:47And the news just tells the Queen's got the shits
08:48Sweet
08:49Yeah, nice one for that
08:52But Her Majesty was okay
08:54And it was only a day later that we saw her going home
08:57She thanked hospital staff
08:59Before being driven away from the King Edward VII Hospital
09:02In central London
09:03Oh, she looks marvellous
09:05Oh, wonderful
09:06Her hair looks good, no?
09:08So someone's been in there and done her hair
09:10Yeah
09:10And while some thought discussing the Queen's bowel movements was off-limits
09:14The same couldn't be said for the brave people in embarrassing bodies
09:18Let's put it on, yeah?
09:20Yeah, put it on
09:20Later that evening
09:22I'll be alright as long as there's nothing to do with balls
09:25There's nothing with balls in
09:26I'm alright
09:27Episode 3, balls
09:28Oh, brilliant
09:30As ever, Dr. Christian Jessen pulled his finger out
09:35Would you?
09:37No, I wouldn't
09:39If you put a paper bag over his head
09:42No, Christian's alright
09:44I think it must be hard coming to something like this
09:46And showing all your ailments and stuff
09:48When, like, the doctor's ultra buff as well, though
09:51I'm not saying I have a thing for Dr. Christian
09:55I don't
09:57Embarrassing Bodies aims to remove the stigma
10:00Surrounding some medical conditions
10:04This week, there was a woman worried about her breasts
10:08Your nipples, to put it unkindly, are now pointing at your feet
10:13Was that a low-calorie dinner tonight?
10:17No, I'm not
10:17Oh, God
10:18Oh
10:19If you want to pop this down
10:20There are an awful lot of lumps here, aren't there?
10:23Oh, this gets more and more graphic
10:25Yellow in colour
10:25And they're right inside your ball bag
10:29I don't get it, Dad
10:30It's vain
10:31It's got my boils on his boils
10:33Oh, no
10:34Please don't show us
10:36Oh, no
10:38He's never going to get a bird, is he?
10:41Not now he's been on this, no
10:43Flipping hell
10:44Did he even, like, blur his face out or anything?
10:47The man with lumps on his privates
10:50Had to have an operation
10:51But the scrotal skin heals incredibly well
11:00Over the next two hours, Mr. Anderson cuts and stitches 15 more cysts
11:06I can't look, sorry
11:14Leading Ian decidedly less knobbly
11:17This is graphic
11:18Yeah
11:18I mean, they can talk about it
11:20They don't have to show everything in detail
11:23It's really
11:23I can't see the point of it
11:25It's graphic, but I don't think it's excessive
11:28I think it is
11:29When I looked at this before
11:30It was just like a big mass of a sebaceous cyst
11:33But one question continued to trouble our viewers
11:36I will never go on embarrassing Boswells
11:38Not in a million, billion years
11:41What about if they offered you about 200,000 pounds to do?
11:45No
11:45No
11:45Because why would you want to embarrass yourself?
11:48I wish I'd gone on there now
11:50For my knob
11:51When I had to get circumcised
11:53Because I would have been in a room on my own
11:55So yeah, I think it's maybe six grand's worth of treatment
11:59But then you're broadcasting to everyone
12:01That you've got a small willy
12:05Don't you think that a certain thing
12:07Certain health issues
12:08That should be in a doctor's
12:10Surgery
12:11And not shown on television
12:12And not shown on TV
12:13Absolutely
12:13That way crosses the line
12:15Whether it's past the watershed or not
12:18Oh, excuse me
12:29I'll just have a fizzy drink
12:30Bobca Red Bull?
12:32Yeah, I'll be fine
12:34Well, if you weren't so fucking hungover
12:38If you hadn't been pestering me for sex all fucking night
12:41I wouldn't be, would I?
12:43On Sunday night, six million people watched BBC Two's hit show Top Gear
12:48In North London, the Tapper family
12:50Especially Dad Jonathan
12:52An executive chauffeur
12:54Was looking forward to it
12:56Oh, I love it
13:03Thank you everybody
13:05Thank you
13:06And welcome to what is a Top Gear special
13:10A two-part adventure around the heart of Africa
13:14Everyone seemed to have an opinion about Mr. Clarkson
13:18Do you think he's stupid?
13:20Like him, he is stupid
13:21He makes these silly comments
13:23Arrogant and insulting
13:24I think he thinks
13:25Well, I suppose some people think he's funny
13:26Or he wouldn't be on, would he?
13:28I do like Jeremy Clarkson
13:30There's a huge body out there
13:32That would like him for Prime Minister, you know
13:34Imagine
13:34I think he'd be an excellent Prime Minister
13:37I'd vote for him
13:39Absolutely
13:40He'd cut all the crap
13:41Get rid of this
13:42We're not having that shit
13:43Hang on
13:44That is the throb of a turbocharged flat-four engine
13:47A sound which all over the world
13:49Heralds the imminent arrival of a moron
13:53The moron's already there to you, pal
13:56Legend
13:57Subaru Impreza WRX
13:59He must be so tall, Jeremy Clarkson
14:02He is, 6'5
14:04Are they taller than you?
14:06And they're about an inch taller than you
14:07And Richard Hammond's tiny
14:08Yeah, he's much shorter
14:10I don't know what the challenge is going to be
14:13But I'm going to be doing it like that
14:15Where are they?
14:17In Africa
14:18Unbelievable
14:26It's a nice way to see Africa, isn't it?
14:28At the country's expense
14:30Stop talking
14:32Must cost them a fortune
14:34I know
14:34Don't know how the BBC can justify it
14:39Our expedition
14:41Look at his tummy
14:43There's a lot of beer
14:44Make a tummy
14:45Look at that
14:47South East
14:47Yeah
14:50They've all got, like, big guts, haven't they?
14:53Big guts
14:53They've got horrible hairdos
14:55When they started off
14:56You know, they were just really car enthusiasts
15:00And they've turned into now big, big celebrities
15:03I hate to say it
15:05Yeah
15:05I'm enjoying it
15:06Yeah
15:10I act into the wilderness
15:12In my little mobile house
15:16Do you know, I would love to do this
15:19And I think next year I think I might do this
15:22I could just absolutely go for fuck-assing around in Africa
15:26Or Europe or anywhere
15:28In a broken-down car
15:31Pissing around, having fun like that
15:32What man wouldn't want to do that with his maids?
15:40Where have you been?
15:41Hey
15:42Can I get the tea?
15:44In Manchester, meet retired Rufa Colin
15:47Thank you very much
15:48His granddaughter Erin and son Chris
15:53While in South London
15:54Wagwan
15:55Wagwan
15:56Sandra likes watching telly with her best friend Sandy
16:00So you've been alright?
16:01Yeah
16:02They are just some of the people
16:04Who watched a documentary called
16:0716 Kids and Counting
16:08It was about one of Britain's biggest families
16:13And counting
16:14So that means they'll go to about 20
16:16How could she be pregnant 16 times?
16:20I can't imagine why anybody would want that number of children
16:23Look, she doesn't breathe every minute, innit?
16:27She's not tired
16:29They come back with a baby at least once a year
16:32It means I'll be betting everyone
16:34That's another 10 ways she'll tell us to shut everyone a baby
16:37Speaking of the noise, I couldn't take the noise
16:40I can't take the noise
16:40I can't take the noise as it is now
16:42It's where we have to be
16:43Guys, can you just shut up?
16:45No
16:51It's chaos now
16:53Absolute chaos
16:54Absolute chaos there
16:54Can you imagine us?
16:56The 16 kids
16:57Josh
16:58Amy
17:00Susan
17:09Some of us worried the kids might not be getting enough attention
17:12I come from a big family
17:16I'm trying to think how much attention each individual one got
17:20Even with five
17:24Couldn't be done
17:25The tension you had to give Julie
17:27Because she wasn't well
17:28And she had bad eyes
17:29And she had terrible nosebleeds
17:32Well, what do you do if you've got 16?
17:34All the children in small families might get more presents than us
17:39If they have three people, they get a lot
17:42And it's not fair
17:43I would honestly prefer it to have been less
17:47Yeah
17:48Because especially when we were very young
17:52We were quite poor
17:57Noel works hard in the family bakery to pay for it all
18:01And although his income is boosted by £160 a week in child benefits
18:07£160 isn't it much though, is it?
18:09No, for all of them
18:09No, that isn't
18:10No, that's per child
18:12A week?
18:13No, it's for all of them
18:15He has to find ways to cut costs
18:17Yeah, it's quite difficult
18:19Because, you know
18:20I do all this on my own
18:22We don't employ a baker
18:23Just to try and save a wage there
18:25It's good
18:26It may have bad bakery
18:27It's all right
18:29There's idiots breeding
18:30All over the country
18:32Right?
18:33Who shouldn't be allowed to have any kids
18:35They seem like good parents
18:37Who provide for the children
18:38Why shouldn't they have as many kids as they want?
18:40£18,000
18:41Watch for the green man
18:43Let's go
18:44I'm amazed how youthful she looks after £16,000
18:47She does
18:47She looks very well
18:49Our Julie looked terrible after one
18:52Arriving in Chester for their date night
18:54Noel has pulled out all the stops for the couple's first night away in 20 years
19:00It's the Queen's Hotel
19:02We stayed there
19:03Welcome to the Queen's Hotel
19:05You're very welcome
19:06That's the same fella
19:07Who greeted us
19:08Now I realise at the moment it's 16
19:10But we were hoping that number 17
19:14Would perhaps happen here at the Queen's
19:17So we put you in a little pack
19:18We have these sort of romantic seduction packs
19:21That guy seems a bit like over-familiar
19:24And in there, in here, you have everything you need for number 17
19:29There is titillating massage
19:31There is actually a condom in there
19:33So I'll...
19:34Condom!
19:34I won't leave that
19:35I won't leave that in
19:36Alright
19:38Use condom
19:39OK
19:40Nice to see you
19:41Thank you
19:41Thank you so much
19:43Bye
19:43It's bizarre what that...
19:45No, that was...
19:45That was scripted for television
19:48Simply because...
19:49What will the hotel manager say?
19:50When you book in a hotel, what do you say?
19:52Oh yes, I've got 16 kids
19:54And I've come here to have a night of peace on our own
19:57To make number 17
19:58Who's the hotel manager?
19:59It's because it's all done for the television
20:00Yeah
20:10Come on!
20:11Come on!
20:12I'm here
20:13Another show that got our viewers talking this week
20:17Song, Jim
20:18Was Bank of Dave
20:21Say you don't love me
20:24I'm nothing that way
20:26It's coming back, it's coming back
20:30The documentary followed Dave Fishwick
20:34Hey up, I'm Dave from...
20:35Hey up, I'm Dave
20:36Hi Dave, on top of the van
20:38Hey up
20:38Hey up
20:39Hey up
20:40A self-made millionaire
20:41A self-made millionaire
20:41Who set up his own bank
20:43And put his hometown Burnley on the map
20:46You have two clocks on the wall behind them
20:48At a time in Burnley
20:49And New York
20:50Because Burnley's the banking hub of Britain
20:53Burnley, where is Burnley?
20:55Burnley's up north, where?
20:57Up north Burnley, it's near um...
21:00Although Dave Fishwick is publicly optimistic
21:03It's Bank of Dave
21:04Better banking in Britain
21:05What we do is we help people get a decent rate of savings
21:08We then lend it out, lend money out to local businesses
21:11And then we give profit to charity
21:14Ohhhh
21:14It's a bloody brilliant idea
21:16The profits go to charity
21:18If I was in Burnley, I would put some money in that bank
21:21So would I
21:22But our viewers were shocked when the authorities had a problem with Dave's dream
21:29Financial service authority
21:32Shit
21:33I'm shut down
21:35We're actually shut down
21:37Oh, that's so awful
21:39It's just another example of the fucking people in power shitting on those who are fucking trying to do some
21:45good
21:45Yes
21:46A bunch of bureaucrats fucking up the country
21:49It's all intents and purposes
21:50Starting to get on my...
21:51Yeah, isn't it? It's getting on my tits as well
21:54We watched as Brave Dave embarked on a campaign to save his bank
21:59Don't stop me now
22:02FSA, are you listening? Are you listening?
22:04Don't stop me now
22:06I'm having a good time, having a good time
22:10Yes, don't give up, don't give up
22:16I like this guy, I really do
22:19There's just not enough hours in the day
22:20There just isn't
22:21There needs to be more Debs
22:23Hi, Dave
22:25He's off his trolley in the nicest possible way
22:28I am a little bit nervous
22:30And I don't normally admit that
22:32Yeah
22:33Right
22:33It's that Wallace and Gromit dig banking
22:35It's a bit of Wensley, dear
22:40Magnificent seven
22:41He's a stocky little fella, isn't he?
22:46He's short, he's about four foot tall
22:49He's like Danny DeVito there, doesn't he?
22:51He actually is Danny DeVito
22:53Hey, me like Dave, you know
22:55Look at him, look, he's like a little filth from his senders
23:00The basic things you need to do is get your Twitter platform right
23:03Get your Facebook platform right
23:04Get your Twitter platform right
23:06Get your...
23:06Actually, I need you to show me how to do the Twitter
23:09Because I...
23:10No, I'm not showing you how to use Twitter
23:12Because I keep trying to do Twitter and I can't
23:14Why? What could you possibly want to use Twitter for?
23:17Tweet
23:18Who?
23:18I don't know, I can tweet, can't I?
23:20No, you can't
23:21Oh, I can easily be a tweeter
23:23No, no one's going to want to read your tweets
23:25You know, I haven't heard any of this program
23:29Boring!
23:30The program ended with Dave waiting to find out if he could keep his bank open
23:35They're not going to let him do it?
23:36There's too much money in the banking system for them to let him
23:39This little, you know, one fella on his own to make a difference
23:42I had an email in from the FSA, they're happy for you to continue
23:49Fucking brilliant
23:51Fucking brilliant
23:52Oh, that's brilliant
23:53Yeah
23:55Brilliant
23:57Man of the year
23:58He's a local hero, isn't he?
24:01A national hero
24:01That's to show you that you can get somewhere and do things
24:04Do you know what I mean?
24:05Yeah
24:05Because he was just kept on, he didn't give up
24:07He never give up
24:08Wonderful
24:09And a place like Burnley that needed so badly
24:11A small man is fighting back
24:14Yeah, is this real though?
24:16Is it a...
24:16It's definitely very real
24:18I don't think anybody would be bothered
24:20To go, go to that effort if it's not real
24:22For a TV show, of course they would
24:24I'm just being the devil's avocado here
24:26We're led to believe and this is a...
24:29Power of television is a very...
24:30I know, but this is a documentary thing
24:32How do you know that?
24:32So I don't know
24:34Come on
24:36These are the most delicious roasted peanuts that you've ever got
24:39Are they?
24:40Could you continue to get the same one?
24:42No, they're different
24:43Does anyone want a drink?
24:45Tea, please
24:45I need them
24:48Thanks Dad
24:49On Wednesday this week
24:51Two million of us chose to watch
24:53One Born Every Minute
24:56Hello maternity, best mate midwife
25:00Push, push, push
25:01I love this programme
25:03So do I
25:05And this episode was yet another chance
25:07For the nation to celebrate the miracle of life
25:10Happy birthday little man
25:12Oh man
25:21Cute baby
25:23Aww look
25:23Aww
25:25Wanna get a pizza soon?
25:27Yeah, why not?
25:29Okay, so it's not your first baby is it?
25:31Baby number six
25:31Alright, tell me
25:32Sixth baby
25:34I thought we held the record for five
25:36Since you've come in
25:38Has anybody examined you to see how we should induce you?
25:41I've had three swoop and squeaks
25:43Once again we were given the chance to share in the very intimate moments of three women in labour
25:49Yeah, when you go to ten centimetres then you get loads of pressure in your bum
25:53And you have to do
25:54Ugh, pressure in your bum
25:56That's when they poo
25:57Yeah
25:58What would you do if you were pushing a baby out and a poo came out?
26:03A lot of that happens to a lot of people
26:04Apparently you don't care
26:06So listen, how much is it for her pizza on one side of a pizza and what I asked for
26:13on the other?
26:14Yeah
26:15Really, I need a poo
26:16Ooh
26:16I can see your baby, I can see it
26:20Awww
26:24Awww
26:25Awww
26:26Awww
26:26Awww
26:27Awww
26:28Awww
26:29Awww
26:29Awww
26:30Awww
26:31Awww
26:34Awww
26:37Awww
26:38Awww
26:39Awww
26:40Awww
26:41Awww
26:41Awww
26:42Awww
26:44Awww
26:45Awww
26:47Awww
26:48Awww
26:48Awww
26:49I try my best to be a good mum
26:51He's not pleased me
26:52He is, he is, he is, he's just been playing
26:54Look at your pinkies off, I'll be on the far end, look at him
26:57Look at him
26:58Is it finished?
26:59Louis, has it finished?
27:00Yeah
27:01And he's definitely a boy
27:03Yeah, he's definitely a boy
27:04What I do remember is that you were
27:08Perfect
27:08No, you were born
27:10Shut up
27:10You were born with a cord around your neck
27:12Yes I know
27:12So as soon as the midwife had to go like that and like pull it over your leg
27:17With one baby brought safely into the world, it was time to prepare for the arrival of another
27:23I can relate to that guys, just yawning now, it's such a tedious time
27:29What the way is that?
27:30Awww
27:36Awww
27:40Hi
27:43Liberty
27:45You can fly them wings back home
27:48I think a water's have just gone
27:50Fabulous, that's great
27:54Awww
27:56Now, your baby's coming. Take your time, but go for it.
28:01Ready? Well done.
28:04All your baby's head is delivered.
28:08I can't take any more of this.
28:09Can't your husband be fine, do you?
28:11Oh, come on, Andy. This is the best bit.
28:13Not interested.
28:15It's the best bit. Let him go.
28:19If anyone came anywhere near my machine with one of those big, like, scissor-looking things...
28:23Four steps like that.
28:24Yeah.
28:25One more push.
28:27Baby over here.
28:32Oh, fuck, baby.
28:34Oh, my God!
28:38That's it. Come on, my dad.
28:42Look down, look down, look down, look down.
28:45Oh, hello, gorgeous.
28:46Shall I just see, baby, what you got?
28:49What have you got?
28:50A little bite?
28:51No.
28:52I can't imagine.
28:58I've eaten this baby, I think it's good in the world, so that's right.
29:01She's done it.
29:02She's done it.
29:04You've got ginger hair, ma'am.
29:06I think it's cute.
29:09It's an amazing feeling, though, when you hold your child in your own arms.
29:15You wait till you have yours.
29:18Fantastic.
29:32Hello, Bubba.
29:34Hello, Bubba.
29:48You wait till you have to eat it, because they won't put it on if it's a load of shit.
29:54Welcome to Food Glorious Food, a competition to find Britain's most glorious recipe.
30:00This is right up your street, isn't it?
30:01I know, I know.
30:03Real food created by the nation's home cooks.
30:06How do people have so much interest in food?
30:08We are not looking for the next super chef, just one brilliant recipe.
30:13She's irritating already.
30:15She's so pleased with herself all the time.
30:17All right, yeah.
30:18Since when does Carol Wardenman know anything about food?
30:21We're in Kingsbridge, in Devon.
30:23Oh, God, she looks good on a tractor.
30:25We're in for the best dish in the south-west.
30:28Carol Wardenman, what's she now like about 50?
30:31She's got to be older than that.
30:32She's still older, isn't she?
30:33Yeah.
30:33She's looking tired, yeah, like...
30:36She's got a prawn.
30:37That blowfish looks a little bit like a hedgehog to me.
30:39That's Nemo, she's got little ears.
30:41Look at her hands, look how old her hands look.
30:44Mum, there's nothing wrong with someone wanting to make themselves look nicer, for God's sake.
30:47That's not what annoys me about her.
30:49It's annoying me is that she is known as Carol Wardenman from Countdown, who's good at maths.
30:54Why is she on a cooking show?
30:56She's got a Mensa IQ of about 6,000 or something like that.
31:00She's pretty clever.
31:00She used to be on Countdown, but she's gone from something like that to hosting a stupid
31:06food...
31:07Well, you've got to take what you can, Chris.
31:08There's a fucking recession on.
31:11To find the winning dish are four passionate food experts.
31:15Mate, he's got a proper punchable face, that Tom Parker balls, hasn't he?
31:19I can say straight away, the apples are delicious.
31:21Very, very good apples, indeed.
31:22God, he looks like his mother.
31:24And there's a bit of toffee in there as well.
31:26Could be.
31:27There's just toffee in there as well.
31:28And globe-trotting gastronome Lloyd Grossman.
31:32Lord Grossman.
31:33Remember Lord Grossman?
31:35Remember Lord Grossman?
31:37Who's house is this?
31:39That was good.
31:39I used to like that.
31:40It's him.
31:40Who would live in a hell-flying world?
31:44I know what it takes to make a product of success.
32:16But after the keto, he's done his sauces.
32:17He'sĐ¸Ñ‚ĐµĐ»Đ¸ whales began, but they wrote tales of the Greek-British Bake-Off.
32:20And that's just rude.
32:22What's a copy of the BBC one?
32:24That's a biggie.
32:25It's as simple as that?
32:26It's gone from America, that one.
32:28ITV or whoever copied this.
32:30They're stealing exactly the same format.
32:32They're not.
32:33Of course they are, and Simon Cowell's saying it's his.
32:35This is nothing like Bake Off at all.
32:37It is exactly that.
32:38It's not.
32:39They're not being told what to do.
32:40They're doing their own things.
32:41This is completely different.
32:43They've tasted hundreds of dishes,
32:45and now they each have to pick just one favourite
32:48to battle for a place in the semi-finals.
32:51How can you pitch a pie against a cake,
32:55against a stir-fry, against a roast,
32:58against this, that and the other?
32:59And to find the best as I understand it.
33:03Maybe I'm a complete twat.
33:05I don't know.
33:06Probably.
33:07The thing is, though, it's all really different food.
33:09You've got dessert there.
33:10You've got seafood.
33:12You've got meat.
33:13You know, you've got Chinese food.
33:15You know, it depends what mood you're in.
33:17If you're in a mood for a sweet thing,
33:19you're going to pick the cake, aren't you?
33:21Just one home-cooked recipe will win the ultimate prize.
33:25A place on the shelves of Marks and Spencer.
33:27The thing about food programmes is,
33:29they all follow the same storyline that annoys me.
33:32Like, someone cooks something,
33:33the judges vote on it,
33:35and then they win and get the food in shops.
33:36It's boring.
33:38One contestant in particular captured our viewers' hearts.
33:43My name is Eunice Wilcox, and I'm 92 years old.
33:47Oh, my God, she's 92!
33:48Wow!
33:49And this is my Cornish pasty that I've been making
33:52ever since I was about three or four years old.
33:55I love Eunice.
33:56There's Eunice.
33:56I love Eunice.
33:57Come on, Eunice!
33:58Come on!
33:58As with all Simon Cowell shows,
34:00there had to be a big finale.
34:03The most glorious dish as chosen by our judges,
34:06which will go through to the semi-finals
34:08and represent the South West,
34:11is...
34:12Guarantee they'll go,
34:13and the winner is...
34:14and then hold it off for about 20 seconds.
34:18Eunice, Eunice, Eunice, Eunice, Eunice!
34:22Who's going to be?
34:23I think it's going to be the curry lady.
34:27Eunice, Eunice, Eunice, Eunice, Eunice.
34:31By the time they give the results,
34:33she'll forget why she's there.
34:35And the winner is...
34:39Who are you?
34:43Eunice's Cornish pasty.
34:45Yay!
34:48Give that grandmother a kiss.
34:50Bloody marvellous.
34:51Look at that.
34:52Whoa!
34:54Whoa!
34:56It's time Cornwall won the battle.
34:58Yeah, I tried.
34:59I only gave her that,
35:00because she's 93.
35:01Really, I bet it tastes like shit.
35:04I hope the legend will go on,
35:06and people will continue to make a good Cornish pasty.
35:10Pasties do go on forever.
35:12You'll never get rid of a Cornish pasty.
35:15It's a good food, you know?
35:16That's what I'm saying.
35:17Filling.
35:17You see?
35:18Simon Cowell has sucked me in by the end of it.
35:21There you go.
35:21I'm voting for the person, not the food.
35:23Of course you're voting for the person.
35:25That's why he's a complete wanker.
35:28Oh, God, he's gone.
35:31If you missed the episode of One Born Every Minute,
35:34they featured in Gogglebox,
35:35and you want to react to it yourself,
35:36guess what?
35:37You can.
35:38Hooray!
35:38You can catch it over on 4-7 this Saturday at 10.
35:41It's what 4-7's for, see?
35:43There's embarrassing bodies next there.
35:45It's a perfect world.
35:48It's a perfect world.
35:52It's a perfect world.
35:55It's a perfect world.
35:57It's a perfect world.
35:58It's a perfect world.
36:00It's a perfect world.