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00:04Every evening in Britain, more than 20 million of us choose to spend a night in, in front of the
00:13telly.
00:15Somehow we find the time to watch an average of four hours every day.
00:28Now imagine while you watch TV, it was watching you.
00:33A bunch of bureaucrats fucking up the country.
00:36It's getting on my tits as well.
00:38What would it see?
00:44We're going behind closed doors.
00:47What are you saying?
00:47That program made him look innocent.
00:49Oh, dear Lord, I'm really just...
00:52Oh, no.
00:53Into living rooms up and down the country.
00:56She's almost boarding on Pat Butcher.
00:58Yeah.
00:59Oh, that's a bit harsh.
01:00To find out what people thought about what was on in the last seven days.
01:05Oh, I like that.
01:06It started with the windmill.
01:08In the week when a former cabinet minister was jailed for eight months.
01:13Good.
01:13We enjoyed lots of great telly, including Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway.
01:19Oh, look, Ashley Roberts is a girlfriend.
01:23Oh.
01:23Yeah, although I'm...
01:25See if there's any sexual chemistry.
01:26Oh, I think there is.
01:28BBC One drama, Call the Midwife.
01:31Oh, my God, Miranda, heart-giving birth.
01:34It's not Miranda, though.
01:36It's Chummy.
01:36It's Miranda.
01:38And Cruft's Best in Show.
01:412013.
01:42The dogs don't know no different.
01:44They're just sitting at the back licking their bollocks.
01:54We've got to stop eating takeaways, you know that.
01:56I'm getting fatter and fatter.
01:59Hairdressers Stephen and Chris were friends for nine years before getting together last October.
02:05Right, what are you having?
02:06Jonathan and Nicky Tapper live in North London.
02:09I've got, like, this itching up my nose and it's making my eyes water.
02:13With their two children, Josh and Amy.
02:17Mmm, yum.
02:19The Michael family spend Saturdays watching telly with daughter Alex, who comes home from uni at weekends.
02:25You can't watch a girl in bed with her period.
02:32Sandy and Sandra have been pals for 40 years and have six children and six grandchildren between them.
02:39That's what Saturday night take...
02:41Oh, thanks for being here.
02:43These are just some of the seven million people.
02:46We've got our two favourite midgets.
02:48Oh, Ant and Deck.
02:49That's the one.
02:50Who watched Ant and Deck's Saturday night takeaway?
02:53Put the telly on.
02:54Oh, I love Ant and Deck.
02:59For one night only, your star guest announcer, who thinks best of me from every port, it's me, Ellington.
03:07Oh, I love it.
03:09This and then next Saturday night, Saturday night.
03:14I mean, it's just, it's funny, but it's so true.
03:18It's silly, isn't it, really?
03:20I can't wait.
03:20I've done something a bit special for my mum this year.
03:22Dinner at the Ivy, don't you know?
03:24Oh, yeah.
03:26You've got plans.
03:27Well, I've got plans.
03:28Yeah.
03:29I've booked something, and that's actually better than that.
03:31Better than that?
03:32Yes, yes, I am.
03:33What is it?
03:34Two dinners at the Ivy.
03:36Well, you can see why they've won 12 comedy awards in a row, can't you?
03:41For some reason, Ant and Deck have added a glamorous assistant in this series,
03:46Pussycat Doll, Ashley Roberts.
03:48It's not married, but Ant's married, and he fancies that girl.
03:51And he fancies that girl.
03:52Ashley Roberts.
03:53Yeah.
03:54See if there's any sexual chemistry.
03:55Oh, I think there is.
03:57Look at you.
03:59Gorgeous.
04:00Absolutely gorgeous.
04:02Look at you.
04:03Look, look, look, look, look, look.
04:03What a lovely dress.
04:07She's a canary.
04:08Did Deck actually help me pick it out?
04:09I did.
04:10I've got a figure just like that.
04:11You know, it's a bit more, it's electric yellow, isn't it?
04:14Just like saying you'd wear down being a mint rhino.
04:17He really, really fancies her on that I'm a celebrity thing,
04:20and he got himself all in a tizzy about her.
04:23Look, look, even now you can sell.
04:25He really fancies her.
04:27Although, I'm not so sure about the French maid outfit that you've picked out for now, too.
04:31Why don't we look at that again after the show?
04:34Let's, let's look at that one more time.
04:36Hey, I don't.
04:36I hear to interrupt you, Ashley, but you have a challenge for us, the emphasis.
04:39They say he's gay, but I don't think, he likes that girl, I don't think.
04:44Well, eventually, if he's gay, he'll come out.
04:46They'll always do.
04:47In it at the closet.
04:49No, he would come out.
04:50No, they, no.
04:51He's just single.
04:52He's not gay.
04:53He's not gay.
04:54I thought that was married with kids.
04:56No, I'm just not him.
04:57Anyway, join us after the break to see Ant and Deck.
05:00Play a round of golf that's guaranteed to be a real shocker.
05:04Not a nice-up panty shot there.
05:07Well, you missed that.
05:08I didn't.
05:11I've never gone for him.
05:13He's got a good personality, and he's rich.
05:16Yeah, of course you have Louis.
05:17Of all the things the program had to offer,
05:22it was the prizes that really caught our viewer's imagination.
05:35Oh, guess what?
05:36Hey, my dream is to have a caravan.
05:38And go all over.
05:39No, no, no, no, yeah.
05:41Oh, you know what?
05:42Sandy, I'm not lying.
05:45I'd love to whisk you away in a caravan.
05:50Some of them caravans are flat.
05:52Listen, my girl.
05:53Hey, they have it locked to mine, let me tell you.
05:55Oh, by the grace of God.
05:57I know the kids love caravans.
05:59Well, you can take them.
06:00It's a kid thing.
06:01Yeah, I'll take the kids on the caravan.
06:04Shit in a bucket.
06:05Wouldn't it be better if the people watching got the chance to win something,
06:10rather than just the people who were actually there?
06:13Why?
06:13Okay.
06:18And once in the shopping center, people had to perform in public to win a trip to Las Vegas.
06:28Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
06:30Dude, it'd be embarrassing.
06:40Come on, Chris.
06:44Come on, Chris.
07:14God, people would do anything for something for free, wouldn't they?
07:17It's a whole load of silliness, but you can win yourself a caravan.
07:23In the news this week, one story seemed to really shock our viewers.
07:30And Bieber's bad week.
07:31Now he has a scrap with a snapper.
07:34I don't think he's had a bad week.
07:35I think he's had a great week.
07:37How much has he hit the news in the last few days?
07:39Pop star Justin Bieber's behavior is once again grabbing the headlines
07:43after he apparently tried to grab a photographer.
07:45He just wants himself in the paper.
07:47That's it.
07:48Or on the news.
07:50When Justin Bieber keeps his head down, he still keeps himself in the headlines.
07:55Is that Justin Bieber?
07:56Oh, he looks sick.
07:57Oh, is that that singer?
07:59Yeah.
08:00Oh, for goodness sake.
08:02Oh, my.
08:02It's fucking Justin Bieber.
08:03Are you kidding me?
08:04Leaving his London hotel, he pushes a photographer.
08:10He stresses out like some bouncers.
08:12Now we have to watch it on the stupid news like anyone gives a shit.
08:16After some choice language from the paparazzi,
08:18the singer decides to express his own opinion from behind the safety of two bouncers.
08:25What did you say?
08:26You had one, look.
08:27What?
08:27His own one.
08:28Oh, my.
08:29Weird.
08:30You had one.
08:31The blues, the f***.
08:33I'd be fucking terrified if Justin Bieber came at me like that.
08:41It's just a little shit, isn't it?
08:44It's not him swearing.
08:45It is him swearing.
08:47Good heavens, he's not worthy of it then.
08:49The punch doesn't quite land, but Bieber's clean-cut image has taken another hit.
08:54They're bringing these kids too young into this music, music.
08:58Did he start off from X-Factor?
09:00No, I don't know, you know.
09:01I think I can't, Britain's got talent.
09:04I think I'd rather watch Rylan than watch this little shit.
09:08Justin Bieber's not even hot anyway.
09:10Not like Michael Bubay.
09:12I love Michael Bubay.
09:13Michael Bubay, listen, when he starts...
09:15Well, that's a different category, isn't it?
09:16When Michael Bubay moves his f***.
09:19I'm just saying.
09:20I said, move his f***?
09:21When he starts to do that dance.
09:22Oh, he does that...
09:23Oh, I don't think they'd turn me on.
09:25That's a zazzy, kind of.
09:29Sunday was Mother's Day.
09:31Hey, hey.
09:32This is a nice place to spend Mother's Day.
09:35You've got to come along.
09:36Yeah, Mother's Day.
09:37You've got to come along.
09:40And that night, nine million of us sat down to watch the season finale of BBC One's smash
09:47hit drama called The Midwife.
09:50Oh, Richard Girdle.
09:51I have a valley good mind to write to play tape.
09:53Why is she so endearing?
09:54That's what I want to know.
09:56What is it about her that's endearing?
09:58Is it because she's a comedian and makes us laugh?
10:00It's the round spectacles.
10:01It's not for long.
10:03Miranda Hart plays midwife Chummy.
10:06This time, she was giving birth.
10:08She's a big girl, isn't she?
10:11Well, she's pregnant.
10:12No, no, but, you know.
10:14Uh, yes, quite all.
10:16Yeah.
10:16Sort of heavy-boned.
10:20As she went into labour, we could tell it wasn't going to be easy.
10:25Oh, my God, Miranda Hart giving birth.
10:30It's not Miranda, though.
10:31It's Chummy.
10:31You're doing brilliantly, Chummy.
10:34We'll examine you in a minute or two and see how things are progressing.
10:37Why, Miranda?
10:38You think it's easy?
10:41Waters.
10:42I felt my waters.
10:52She's bleeding.
10:53Oh, here we go.
11:00Is that a bad sign?
11:01Yes, it is.
11:03Yes, it is.
11:03Well, it's blood.
11:04You shouldn't have blood.
11:05Oh, dear.
11:06Oh, no.
11:07Oh, no, please, God.
11:08I can't deal.
11:09This is...
11:10Oh, dear Lord.
11:12I mean...
11:13Oh, no.
11:16Oh, Miranda.
11:19And she needs Petherdine.
11:22Here.
11:23Oh, no, please, God.
11:24Oh, no, please, God.
11:24I can't deal.
11:25This is too emotional.
11:27It's too emotional.
11:28I can't bear it.
11:29No, not Chummy.
11:29Oh, no.
11:30No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
11:34They call in the doctor.
11:35No, no, no, no.
11:35I can't actually take any more.
11:37It's just too much.
11:42Try to keep calm.
11:45Chummy, stay calm.
11:47Oh, God, Louie, I need tissue.
11:49Louie, get Mum some tissue.
11:50Oh, for God's sake.
11:52It's horrible.
11:53No, I don't want her to...
11:55Hurry up.
11:55...the baby.
11:59Catch her fall in style.
12:05What?
12:07Catch her fall in style?
12:11Never listen.
12:14Face away.
12:16What?
12:18She's dead.
12:19She's dead.
12:21Oh, no.
12:22That's horrible.
12:24Biz, don't cry.
12:26There you go.
12:28A whole bloody toilet roll.
12:30Well, Mum's going to use that.
12:32That's a tissue from the kitchen, not that.
12:34It was just a bit of tomato ketchup.
12:36I don't care.
12:37It was quite real.
12:44Oh, my God, her husband.
12:46Too nice.
12:47It's just too...
12:52Oh, dear.
12:59I don't want anything to happen to her.
13:05Oh, boy.
13:07In the end, baby was fine.
13:10But viewers were kept waiting to see if Chummy would pull through.
13:14We've got a little boy.
13:19You're not dead.
13:21And a little bean.
13:24I see you're not dead.
13:26God, you see how good it is?
13:28It's really good, isn't it?
13:29It's absolutely...
13:31I can see that you love it.
13:32Absolutely.
13:33I love it.
13:35Was that...
13:36What was that an hour?
13:3820 minutes would have been fabulous.
13:39Yeah.
13:49Steph and Dom met on a blind date
13:52and have been married for 14 years.
13:54There you go.
13:56Oh, fuck.
13:57I hope it tastes better than the last thing.
13:58It will do, because that was proper almond.
14:00That really made me feel quite sick.
14:02In Derby are Sid Siddiqui
14:04and his three sons, Bassett, Umar and Raza.
14:08You should be the tea maker of the family.
14:09Well, why don't you?
14:11In Essex are the Allen sisters,
14:13who all have their hair done once a week.
14:16Charlotte!
14:17Sorry, I was making tea for myself.
14:19Where's mine, you selfish bitch?
14:21You said you didn't want any.
14:23Best mates Stephen and Michael
14:25spend most of their free time at the gym.
14:29I need a bird's cuddle.
14:31A bird's cuddle?
14:32Yeah.
14:34Have you still got that wig?
14:37On Sunday evening,
14:39more than one and a half million of us
14:41settle down to watch the final day of Crufts.
14:44Pitches do love their dogs like no other nation.
14:47Yeah, that's true, actually, yeah.
14:48I mean, Chinese like dogs as well,
14:50but not even the same.
14:51For different reasons.
14:53Yeah, what's Cruft like in China?
14:54It's a cookery programme.
15:01Best in show.
15:05Look at him, he's like, oh, he chased me.
15:09He's a gay dog.
15:10What about the owner?
15:11Not the bloody dog.
15:13Look at him.
15:13Welcome to Crafts Best in Show 2013.
15:18Maybe look at the way them dogs will land up.
15:19What's that tick me out, don't they?
15:22There's like the pretty dogs.
15:24Yeah.
15:25The clever dogs.
15:26Like, that one's clever.
15:27Yeah.
15:27And then the agile dogs.
15:29And then the gay dogs.
15:30I'm waiting for the bikini section.
15:33She's perfect size for the breach.
15:36Now, at this stage, we're back into the same problem
15:39I had with that food, glorious food thing.
15:42How can you compare that against a Lacerab Sua Shih Tzu
15:46with this and the other
15:47by feeling its bones and looking up its arse?
15:52Crufts has been going since 1891.
15:55But what does today's audience get out of it?
15:57What's he doing, that?
15:59She's doing an enormous amount of winning.
16:02Look at him holding the dog's tail.
16:04Oh, what a wonderful anus.
16:05Of course, you heard the big cheer when she came in.
16:08She plays nicely.
16:11And pucker up.
16:15And this is for your dog.
16:19And many of our viewers noticed some crucial information
16:23we're missing from the show.
16:25Did they win any money?
16:27Oh, I think it was a shitload of money, innit?
16:29Best in show at this year's Crofts will win 100,000
16:32and doesn't get to take...
16:33No, it's £100, isn't it?
16:35No, it's not.
16:35Oh, yeah, £100.
16:36£100 and doesn't get to take the trophy home.
16:40Prize money is very modest, currently £100.
16:43God.
16:44Yes, it is winning Crofts, isn't it?
16:46It is, yes.
16:47It costs a minimum of £20 to enter one dog,
16:51£7 to park and petrol to get to the show.
16:55Oh, fuck off.
16:57Finally, after four days of intense competition...
17:00More than 20,000 dogs were here.
17:02These are the seven that have come through
17:04to contest the best in show competition.
17:08World-renowned dog judge Geoff Corish
17:11made his final inspection.
17:15Oh, what's he want her to do now?
17:17Fucking roll over and shit Mal's balls.
17:25I want that one to win.
17:32Oh, and the lab door's got it.
17:34Come on, Labrador, come on.
17:44Oh, it's fucking dragging on, though, isn't it?
17:46Yeah.
17:51No, it's not.
17:53Oh, it is.
17:54There's a little bit.
17:55Grilled to bits.
17:56I didn't pick that one out.
17:57The Petit Basset Grip Bonvendien
17:59takes best in show...
18:01Oh, my life.
18:02Is he crying?
18:03Yeah.
18:04Hey, look at that.
18:05Oh, he's crying.
18:06What a loser.
18:08But he won £100.
18:10Look at him.
18:11What a way.
18:13Sorry if you're an idiot.
18:14Blubbering away.
18:15I'm telling you, I wish you'd get a dog.
18:17You can run around like a big Mary Ann with it.
18:21Get us some cash.
18:25You all right?
18:26Yeah?
18:27No.
18:33You were so lucky to marry me.
18:36Hey.
18:37Oh, stop it.
18:38This week...
18:40Don't do me a crack.
18:42Leon and June watched BBC Two
18:44and saw a London cabbie struggle to survive on the streets of Mumbai.
18:51Fuck me, why are you done?
18:53There you are.
18:53I could drive one of those, June.
18:57But even more of us decided to watch BBC One
19:01as Countryfile celebrated its Silver Jubilee.
19:04Welcome to a very special edition,
19:06or what some people say is a very special edition, of Countryfile.
19:09Chris.
19:11Yeah?
19:12Prince Charles is on it tonight, on his own farm.
19:15Oh, good.
19:17This is about Prince Charles' estates in Gloucestershire.
19:20His Royal Highness is guest editor of the programme this week.
19:29Oh, sire, you are so witty.
19:31His Royal Highness explained why he believes organic farming is best
19:35and told us of his desire to preserve the British countryside.
19:39You know, using so many chemicals and artificial fertilisers
19:42was inherently unsustainable in the long run.
19:45And I wanted to find a way of improving the solar conditions.
19:49I don't understand a word he says.
19:51He just is.
19:51His voice goes up and down, doesn't it?
19:56But that's how you speak when you're posh.
19:58They all talk so posh, you can't understand them,
20:01because it's all very...
20:04And then, Elizabeth.
20:06And then you understand one word.
20:08The programme showed the heir to the throne,
20:11sporting goggles, and brandishing a machete.
20:14He was hard at work.
20:16It's one of his favourite ways of unwinding,
20:18and on any free weekend, he's out here hacking the hawthorn
20:21and getting artistic with the ash.
20:23Most days, this is where we find him.
20:25The hedges.
20:26Mate, he was holding the knife the wrong way round.
20:29In his hand, bleeding.
20:30What the hell?
20:31Like hitting the wooden bit on the stick.
20:33It's not cutting.
20:34What do I do?
20:35Afternoon, your highness.
20:37This is what I like to see.
20:38Hard-working gentleman in the countryside.
20:41He's doing it for show.
20:43Yeah, but look at the skill, eh?
20:45Yeah.
20:45He's done it before.
20:47I think Charles is wonderful.
20:49He's a wonderful prince.
20:51He'll be a wonderful king.
20:52I think I'm falling in love with him.
20:54You're like Cinderella.
20:56You should leave your shoe outside the broadcast.
20:58In a knife, but not in a sexual way.
21:01Don't get paired with him.
21:03Why is the British countryside so special to you?
21:05It provides that essential link with the magic of nature.
21:11And it's also full of some wonderful characters.
21:14Have you noticed how many royals have been in the paper, on the telly at the moment?
21:17Are they trying to reconnect with people now?
21:19Because after all that stuff, remember the royals are never out the news for having like affairs.
21:24This, that, the other happened and all that.
21:26And then they just disappeared.
21:27And then all of a sudden, you see, the royals have all come back on the telly.
21:30Right, it's goodbye from them and it's goodbye from me.
21:34Mate, he has a life where he just walks around shaking people's hands and smiling.
21:38That is his life.
21:39And banging bears up like horses.
21:45On Monday night, there was one news story that dominated the headlines.
21:51From power couple to prison inmates, Chris Hewn and Vicky Price are both jailed for eight months for perverting the
21:57course of justice.
21:59Good.
22:00Delighted.
22:01If you had no points on your licence, if you had none, and I had nine, and I did driving
22:06for a living, which I do, I'm a driver, you'd probably have no choice.
22:12Right, but then what happens if we got caught, that we were lying?
22:13And then both of you would go to prison.
22:15And then we'd both go to prison?
22:17I don't think she should have got the same sentence either.
22:20She should have got more.
22:21They should have both got as bad as each other.
22:25Later that evening, our viewers settled down to watch a BBC Three documentary.
22:30Get something to eat.
22:32You are not having anything to eat.
22:34A chocolate log.
22:35Who is Sarah?
22:37Ha ha ha!
22:37Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
22:38Ha ha ha!
22:39It was about Paralympic runner Oscar Pistorius.
22:42Did he murder his girlfriend?
22:44Or was it a terrible accident?
22:47Oh, sorry.
22:49Why?
22:52We can confirm that there was a shooting incident this morning at the home of the well-known Paralympic athlete
22:58Oscar Pistorius.
23:00No, this is terrible.
23:02And I shouldn't be laughing.
23:03Really?
23:03Apparently, Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his wife was dead against it.
23:09Ha ha ha!
23:09I'm seeing this reality show acting, and then we've got Oscar left.
23:13I don't get that.
23:14Ha ha ha!
23:16The last time Oscar Pistorius tweeted was the 13th of February.
23:21Was it?
23:22Yeah.
23:22Day before.
23:23Well, he's obviously not going to tweet just after he's killed his girlfriend.
23:30Oscar Pistorius spent Valentine's night in a cell in this police station.
23:34I've got a copy of his charge sheet here.
23:36The accused did unlawfully and intentionally kill Riva Steenkamp.
23:41I've come to South Africa to find out how and why this tragic event unfolded.
23:45I want to find out what really happened.
23:47Well, you won't.
23:50Why is Rick Edwards presenting this?
23:51Why have they got this guy doing it?
23:53I know.
23:54He does tool academy.
23:55He doesn't do serious stuff.
23:56In his version of events, he was unusually on the left-hand side of the bed as we look
24:01at it here, because he had a shoulder problem.
24:03He and Riva had swapped sides.
24:05The programme used elaborate reconstructions to show both Oscar's and the prosecution's
24:11side of the story.
24:12I heard a noise in the bathroom and realised that someone was in the bathroom.
24:17But if he thought there was an intruder, surely he should have looked for her first.
24:21If she wasn't in bed with him, where was she?
24:24Wouldn't he have called her?
24:25As more details were revealed, everyone had a theory.
24:29Too scared to switch on the lights.
24:30He says he didn't put on his prosthetic legs.
24:33But why would you be scared?
24:34Why would you be scared if you're holding a gun?
24:37Because he didn't have any legs on.
24:39Literally, like, not in a rude way.
24:41He, like, literally has no legs to stand and he can't run away.
24:44He needs self-defence.
24:46Nobody's threatened him yet.
24:48Hasn't heard anything.
24:50He goes wandering up to the bog.
24:57You're fucking off your tits, aren't you?
24:59No.
25:00I know I'm bolder, really.
25:02I was trying to have a proper conversation with him.
25:04You're fucking hammered.
25:07If it was an accident, can you imagine how he feels?
25:11I fired shots at the toilet door and shouted to Reva to phone the police.
25:15She did not respond.
25:16You're tired, Jack?
25:19You don't just wander around.
25:20You hear things and go around and shoot someone in the bathroom without questioning who's in there.
25:28Who's in the bathroom?
25:29You don't have to shout.
25:30I'm right here.
25:31Well, I've got the perpetrator over there.
25:34Yeah.
25:34I'm right here.
25:35She loved me.
25:36I ran off.
25:38And then I gave her a hug.
25:42Later that day, Reva met up with her ex-boyfriend, Warren LaHood.
25:46Oh.
25:46I thought Reva won the June.
25:47Oh, when would that happen?
25:49Yeah.
25:50Well, if you'd spoken to an ex-boyfriend, I'd have battered him.
25:54I wouldn't have touched you.
25:57Because I'm very jealous.
25:59I'm possessive.
26:00Well, you couldn't get out the chair to do it, said so.
26:02I could.
26:03What do you mean?
26:05Interesting.
26:06Look.
26:06Hey, BBC Three.
26:08Do you not think that Oscar Pistorius should have an actual trial before putting on a show
26:15like this out?
26:17I say, leave it to the police to investigate.
26:21Yeah.
26:22What's it got to do with the BBC Three?
26:24Done.
26:24For the courts to decide?
26:25I mean, this hasn't actually gone to trial yet, so it's just, usually you wait for the
26:30trial and the sentence to be given before you broadcast what happened.
26:34It's a very, very sad case, actually.
26:37Very sad.
26:38Well, for her it is.
26:39She's dead.
26:52Yay!
26:54Oh, wow.
26:56Should I have one chip?
26:58One chip each.
27:00Just one each.
27:01Don't throw them!
27:02One each?
27:02Wouldn't have been one each.
27:03One for me.
27:06June?
27:08Oh.
27:11June?
27:13Give me another of those rolls.
27:17June?
27:21Give up.
27:25Are you going to watch this, Dad?
27:27Yeah, sorry.
27:28I don't know.
27:28Whoa.
27:29Oh, my God.
27:32Eight super skinnies.
27:33On Tuesday night, Channel 4 served up a final helping of supersize versus super skinny, which
27:41sensitively handles the health risks posed by chronic over and undereating.
27:45Oh, my word.
27:47Look at our knickers.
27:49Watching fat people makes me want to eat chocolate.
27:51Is that wrong?
27:52I'm sorry.
27:53I like big butts and I cannot lie.
27:56With the itty-bitty crack and a little brown eye.
27:58Itty-bitty crack and a little brown eye.
28:04As ever, Channel 4's favourite medical expert, Dr. Christian Jessen, was on call to guide
28:10us through the programme.
28:12...different.
28:12Hayley is incredibly focused about what she eats, whereas Rob just eats mindlessly.
28:17He's a doctor that does walks on your knob.
28:21I love Dr. Christian.
28:22I used to fancy him.
28:24Until I realised who was going.
28:26Jeff lives on an excess of carbs and comfort food, whereas Josh's favourite food choice
28:31is sugary sweets.
28:32Why is he whispering?
28:33He's on TV.
28:34That there is a healthy middle ground.
28:36Oh, he gets on my nerves.
28:37Look at me, how fit I am.
28:41They're getting your nerves.
28:42I saw him last week.
28:44Did you?
28:44In London, in central London.
28:45Yeah.
28:46I saw him in a food shop and he was getting lunch.
28:50Was it healthy?
28:51Yeah, I just watched him, but he did get a piece of cake as well.
28:54No.
28:55Yeah, he got a sandwich, a drink, a piece of cake.
28:58...statistic.
28:59To show viewers what might happen here if we continue to overeat, Dr. Christian travelled
29:05to America.
29:06Have you been to America?
29:07Well, everything's just, like, super-sized.
29:10In McDonald's, you get a Coke, it's like that.
29:12Yeah.
29:12I mean...
29:13You'll be pissing for a fucking week.
29:14Yeah, yeah.
29:15...5 million people...
29:16Dr. Christian showed that in America, as a result of obesity, diabetes is a major problem.
29:22Between 14 and 24% of diabetic patients who develop foot ulcers end up having an amputation.
29:28Oh, no, that's wrong.
29:32Oh, my word.
29:34Oh, I can't bear to look at that.
29:36Oh, my...
29:38...reputation.
29:38I don't think that they should show things without warning you first.
29:43Because if you're a bit squeamish, then that's not fair.
29:47Well, she weighs less now, right?
29:49Maybe were you, then, at your biggest...
29:51...looks like a platypus or something, didn't it?
29:53...clinic is Rob.
29:55To highlight how unhealthy their food habits were, the programme asked a super-sizer to swap diets with a super
30:02-skinny.
30:05First up, it's breakfast.
30:06And for Hayley, it's one of Rob's gargantuan fry-ups.
30:11Oh, that looks handsome, doesn't it?
30:14That is a heart attack on a plate, really, isn't it?
30:17Yeah, and it tastes fucking good.
30:20Black pudding, beans, bacon.
30:24Oh, it'll be lovely.
30:25It's lunchtime.
30:26Oh, my goodness.
30:28As she's presented with a huge dinner of roast beef, potatoes, mash, carrots, peas and gravy.
30:35Oh, this is making me really hungry.
30:37Hayley's last meal of the day is a double-helping of Thai green curry with rice and a glass of
30:43cola.
30:44Oh, lovely.
30:47Oh, love Thai green curry.
30:49I had that the other night.
30:50Then an Indian straight after last night.
30:54Seeing all that makes me hungry.
30:56Oh, doesn't it?
30:57It makes me feel sick.
30:57The show ended with a success story of one of the previous supersizers.
31:04Apparently, Big Jeff has transformed his life since he was last on TV.
31:10Getting active has brought positive changes to Jeff's life.
31:14Look, he's even swimming.
31:16Swimming is one of those activities that I think larger people can still enjoy.
31:20They stay up, don't they?
31:22They stay floating because they've got more...
31:24Is it buoyancy?
31:25Yeah, I think so.
31:26Because whenever I go swimming, the fatter people are always overtaking me.
31:30That is rubbish, what you just said.
31:32Bassett's theory is that the fatter people can float.
31:35Yeah.
31:36Because of the buoyancy.
31:37So it's such a scientific fact, that is.
31:40Couldn't have asked, actually, for better results from either of you.
31:45Do you remember in the paper there was that big, fat lady
31:49and they found a cat in one of the folds of her skin?
31:52Really?
31:53No.
31:53Yeah.
31:54A dead cat?
31:56A dead cat.
31:57Should he continue denying it?
31:59Really?
32:00In the folds of her skin.
32:01It was the next-door neighbours.
32:02They'd been missing it, searching it for weeks,
32:05and it was there, tucked in between a...
32:07whatever.
32:09Gunt.
32:10Ugh.
32:13Louis, let's have the remote.
32:15No.
32:15Louis, let's have the remote.
32:16No.
32:17Louis?
32:17No.
32:18No remote, no allowance.
32:20How does that sound?
32:21Oh, for fuck's sake, be quiet.
32:25We've got another TV guide.
32:27We've got a TV guide, baby.
32:30Last night, as the Vatican announced the election of new Pope Francis,
32:35BBC Two aired a very British wedding.
32:38It's going to be good.
32:38Which showed how different cultures get married in the UK.
32:49Multiracial, you see, England, now.
32:52The programme introduced us to East European lovebirds,
32:56Sasha and Vlad.
32:58I met with Sasha when it was her sister's wedding.
33:05We met first time.
33:07I love this girl.
33:09We met first time.
33:10I love this girl.
33:11Where do you think they're from?
33:12Russia?
33:13Poland?
33:14I might like that.
33:16Mate, I swear, I cannot hear any European speak without trying to mimic the voice.
33:20We make babies.
33:22Strong like bull.
33:24There's a lot more Ukrainians, a lot more Polish.
33:29Lutheranian, Lutheranian.
33:31Lutheranian.
33:32Yeah, well, yeah.
33:34Vodka.
33:35On the wedding day, we saw Vlad helped along with a little tipple.
33:39Oh, vodka.
33:42Have you tasted Polish and Lutheranian?
33:47Yeah, Lutheranian.
33:48Yeah, Lutheranian.
33:49Yeah.
33:49Have you tasted their vodka?
33:52Strong, you know.
33:54At first, our viewers weren't impressed by what they saw of Ukrainian nuptials.
34:03It's absolutely stupid.
34:05I don't like that.
34:07But at the reception, it all felt a bit more familiar.
34:12Oh, no, look.
34:14Cheese and pineapple.
34:16Welcome to tropical Ukraine.
34:18We have pineapples and vodka.
34:20Russian-Ukrainian wedding.
34:22All drink, all food has to be on the table.
34:25When I got married to my last husband, we never had nothing.
34:29Have you never had a cake or like?
34:31Nope.
34:31Straight down KFC.
34:34Get tacky.
34:35Serious?
34:38Serious, I went KFC.
34:40It was romantic.
34:42In my eye.
34:46Oh, he's got a tongue in her.
34:51Grace.
34:52Everything for you, my darling.
34:56And the whole world is on.
34:59And by the end of the programme, our viewers got swept up by the romance of it all.
35:05Oh, that's lovely, isn't it?
35:08Remember ours.
35:10Confetti all over the road.
35:14Come on, do you remember our wedding?
35:15I remember our wedding.
35:16Very special, very emotional.
35:18Very emotional.
35:21I'm going to get married.
35:23I'm going to look for a man.
35:26I'm going to look for a man.
35:26Do you hear me?
35:27Yeah.
35:28I'm going to wear sorry.
35:30Yeah.
35:30I'm going to look for a man in your face.
35:34And the whole world is on your face.
35:40I could offer you a warm embrace.
35:45To make you feel my love.
35:51To make you feel my love.
36:02Googlebox continues at the same time, 10 o'clock next Thursday.
36:05But you can always catch the most popular and talked-about programmes from the last seven days over on 4
36:11-7.
36:11Next here, the healing power of leeches.
36:14How very medieval in embarrassing bodies.
36:17The healing power of leeches.