- 2 days ago
First broadcast 6th December 1968.
Mr Hedges' trust is abused when he gives the responsibility of running the new school library to 5c.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
Michael Holden - Graham Webster
Arnold Peters - School Governor
George Georghiou - Pupil
Mr Hedges' trust is abused when he gives the responsibility of running the new school library to 5c.
John Alderton - Bernard Hedges
Deryck Guyler - Norman Potter
Noel Howlett - Mr. Cromwell
Joan Sanderson - Doris Ewell
Richard Davies - Mr. Price
Erik Chitty - Mr. Smith
Liz Gebhardt - Maureen Bullock
Penny Spencer - Sharon Eversleigh
Peter Cleall - Eric Duffy
Malcolm McFee - Peter Craven
Peter Denyer - Dennis Dunstable
David Barry - Frankie Abbott
Michael Holden - Graham Webster
Arnold Peters - School Governor
George Georghiou - Pupil
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00The
00:30When we consider the climatic clemency
00:54of the southern coastal states of America,
00:57we must of necessity also consider the Gulf Stream.
01:02The Gulf Stream flows through the narrow strait
01:08between Florida, Florida and...
01:15Oh, isn't it good?
01:17The Bahamas and Florida.
01:22It flows at nearly six miles an hour.
01:27Yes, it's six M.T.
01:30And although it streams quite frequently,
01:47it carries a thousand times as much water
01:52as the...
01:54All right, fire at will.
01:59All right.
02:00All right.
02:02Was that rain?
02:11A thousand times as much water as what, sir?
02:15As the Mississippi, to attend, ever sleep.
02:18Now, it is judged that 90,000 million tonnes of water...
02:27Just think of that.
02:3090,000 million tonnes...
02:34Heavy artillery, Eric.
02:37Double me.
02:37Now, a big bit of elastic to fire with.
02:39Here, Sharon, could we...
02:40No!
02:41E.I., you can use the elastic like my old gym niggas.
02:44Oh, try.
02:47Ready?
02:48Aim!
02:50Cease part, there's privet edges.
02:51Oh, I know.
02:52Tons of water.
03:16What are you doing here?
03:19Maffy King's relief, Smithy.
03:21My turn to be shot at.
03:22Oh!
03:23Oh, dear.
03:24You know, another few minutes
03:26and I should have dozed right off.
03:31What you got there?
03:32This.
03:33Oh, well, it's for, um...
03:35It's for, um...
03:37Helping with the football coaching.
03:40Football coaching?
03:41Yes, come on, get those three quarters moving.
03:43Oh, I see.
03:44You know, I thought it was a duncey's cap for a whirlwind.
03:52What, for this lot, they're not that intelligent.
03:55Oh, yes.
03:56What a cruel thing to say about your own little class.
03:59Don't you mean my own little branch of the Mafia, Craven?
04:02Right.
04:03Now, this period, we work on our form project.
04:06Oh, no, not that plain library again.
04:09The school library, yes, stuffy.
04:11I don't know.
04:12I thought you'd be interested in a practical project.
04:16Hmm.
04:16Well, surely it's more interesting
04:17than dealing in pure theory all the time.
04:19Still work, doesn't it?
04:20You'll be giving the school a library.
04:23All you've given it so far is a bad name.
04:25You've done the cataloguing and you've built the shelves.
04:28Isn't that worth anything to you?
04:29Yeah, about ten and six an hour.
04:31Yeah.
04:32Yes, but you're responsible yourselves in the evenings.
04:35Sweaty labour, that's what we are.
04:37Yeah.
04:37The day I see you sweat at any labour, Abbott,
04:41I'll have the school bell rung in your honour.
04:44Right.
04:46Now, come on, girls, carry on with the cataloguing.
04:48The rest of you...
04:49Well, come on, you've got the plans.
04:51Sharon, are these yours?
05:09Isn't it marvellous?
05:12The minute Nick has come up,
05:13anyone starts picking on me.
05:16They're mine, sir.
05:18Right, well, put them on, will you?
05:19Ah, put them on.
05:23Right.
05:24Come on, girls, on with the cataloguing.
05:27The boys, the rest of you,
05:28get the books packed and get the shelves finished.
05:30Slain for it.
05:31Well, come on, Dunstable, you're a boy.
05:37No, because I don't like hammering
05:39and holding nails in me mouth.
05:41Well, that's what professional carpenters do.
05:44No.
05:44I swallowed one yesterday.
05:47Well, look, you tell Duffy
05:49that you are number one spirit-level man today.
05:53Eh?
05:53You know, the thing with the bubble in it.
05:55Oh, yeah!
05:57Eric!
05:58Eric!
06:02Good book, Sharon.
06:04Yeah, no, I'll.
06:05Yeah, well, catalogue it.
06:06Don't read it.
06:08Male anatomy, I might have known.
06:10Page 33.
06:19Okay.
06:21Okay.
06:23Right, er, Mr. Potter.
06:25Er, you've come about putting a PowerPoint in the library?
06:27Yes, I have.
06:28And for your information,
06:30Miss Ewell has dragged me off my toilets to do it.
06:35Literally?
06:37Yes.
06:37And I don't like junior masters
06:40going over my head to the headmaster.
06:42Quite frankly, Mr. Potter,
06:43I'm beginning to feel I go over your head most of the time.
06:45Exactly.
06:46You've caught on at last, haven't you?
06:48Now, look, if you'd just said to me in the first place,
06:50now, look, Mr. Potter,
06:50if you'd be so kind,
06:52when you have a moment's spell,
06:54as to put in a PowerPoint for me,
06:56I'd have said yes.
06:57Gladly.
06:58No, you wouldn't.
07:00No, because you'd have said it in a sarcastic manner,
07:01wouldn't you?
07:02Oh, I'm so sorry.
07:04Look, I wonder if you'd mind giving me a hand
07:06with the tape reporter.
07:08Make yourself beautiful.
07:09Come on.
07:10I am the schoolkeeper,
07:12not a native bearer.
07:14Excuse me, Mr. Potter.
07:16Well, well, well, well, well,
07:32this is splendid, splendid.
07:34I'm lost in admiration for your efforts.
07:37Are you really lost, Edmar?
07:38Yes, Duffy, I am.
07:40Dunstable.
07:43Well, now you know.
07:45Really, this library is a testament
07:48to the newfound team spirit in 5C.
07:52It's a sort of, um,
07:54a sort of team spirit, sir.
07:56Exactly.
07:57Yes, sir.
07:58How does this little bubble get in here?
08:01Oh, what an inquiring mind
08:02and what an intelligent question.
08:04I'll tell you.
08:06The, uh, the, uh,
08:07I don't know.
08:10Never mind, then.
08:12Well, I'll write your question down, Dunstable.
08:14Well, and, uh,
08:16let you have the answer
08:17as soon as I get it.
08:19Now,
08:20can I give you chaps a hand?
08:23Well, uh,
08:23you could, uh,
08:25get a hold of this bit of wood for me, sir,
08:26while I bang in you now.
08:28Oh, of course, Dunstable.
08:29Of course.
08:30Duffy.
08:31Duffy?
08:31Oh, monsieur,
08:34have you come to tell me
08:35that the hooter is going for the tea break?
08:40My word, Doris,
08:41isn't this exciting?
08:43Oh, yes.
08:48One hopes, of course,
08:49that it won't be another
08:50nine days' wonder.
08:52What I really came to see you about,
08:54Headmaster,
08:54is the meeting with two of the school governors,
08:57which I've arranged on your behalf.
08:58Oh, yes, yes, of course.
08:59I'm sorry, boys,
09:00I must dash.
09:01For tomorrow.
09:03Oh, yes, but I must dash now.
09:04I've got 4B to take in comparative religion.
09:073A, surely, Headmaster.
09:09Oh, Javik,
09:09you've jumped up little...
09:11More willing hands.
09:12Ah, Headmaster.
09:14Yes, well,
09:15just doing what I can
09:16to assist in my own
09:17humble little way, you know.
09:19And so willingly, too.
09:21You know,
09:21I almost have to ban Potter
09:22from the library
09:23for fear of overtiring himself.
09:25That's typical of my strong left arm.
09:28I suppose it comes from
09:29his army experiences
09:31as a desert mouse.
09:33Rat.
09:34Rat.
09:35I think perhaps we'd better leave
09:37this happy band of brothers
09:39to carry on, Headmaster.
09:41Yes, quite, quite.
09:42Well, Hedges,
09:43fee-fi-fo-fum.
09:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:47What?
09:50Giant strides, Hedges.
09:52Giant strides.
09:53Oh, ho, ho, ho.
09:54Ho, ho, ho.
09:55Oh, one of your funniest
09:57little edit jokes,
09:57then, Lonson.
09:58Ho, ho, ho, ho.
10:00Right.
10:01Where do you want me
10:01to put this?
10:02I'd like you to put it
10:03right in the corner
10:05over there,
10:05if you wouldn't mind,
10:06Mr Potter.
10:08Type recorder.
10:10Oh, I ain't saying
10:10nothing, then.
10:12I heard I had one
10:12in the classroom
10:13in that case.
10:13So what's she doing
10:14up here, then?
10:15Well, we've got
10:15a book library.
10:16I thought we'd start
10:17a tape library as well.
10:18You know, music,
10:19plays, sound effects.
10:21Grunt, grunt.
10:23That's the pig,
10:23that is.
10:24I suppose the music
10:26would be on
10:26meant of bleeding
10:27varney in that
10:27classical moody.
10:29Well, not necessarily.
10:30We can have anything
10:30you want.
10:31Jazz, pop, jerk,
10:33twist, wrench,
10:34hernia.
10:36I reckon we ought
10:37to get some
10:38of Hitler's speeches
10:39with all them drums
10:40and everyone shouting
10:41sing higher,
10:43sing higher.
10:44And I fought
10:45for you.
10:47I think you're
10:47lost, Potter.
10:49Now, I wonder
10:49if you'd mind
10:50putting in the
10:51PowerPoint for me.
10:52Oh, how very kind
10:53of you to have
10:54noticed that I'm
10:55still here,
10:55Mr. Inch.
10:56Well, it's very kind
10:57of you to wait,
10:57Mr. Potter.
10:59Ah, I thought
11:00just there.
11:01All right.
11:02Er, no.
11:03No, them books
11:04are in the way.
11:05Well, if you move
11:05them, they wouldn't
11:06be, would they?
11:07They're educational.
11:08I'm administrative,
11:10would say.
11:11Right.
11:11Er, Duffy,
11:13you're more or less
11:14educational, aren't you?
11:16Yes.
11:17Better move the books,
11:18would you?
11:18All right.
11:22Book.
11:22Pardon?
11:23Granted.
11:23Well, if you'll just
11:26pass me my electrical
11:27installation and
11:28equipment, I'll get
11:29on with it.
11:30Well, I couldn't
11:31touch your tool bag,
11:32Potter.
11:32I'm not administrative.
11:35I'll have the
11:35National Union of
11:36Teachers.
11:37Come on, lad,
11:37off you go.
11:38Oh, Duffy, I want
11:39you to work out a
11:40library duty roster
11:41for 5C.
11:42You mean you were
11:42serious about us
11:43stopping after school
11:44to open this
11:45blimmy mausoleum?
11:46Yes, it's your
11:46responsibility.
11:47It's an extension
11:48of your project.
11:49Oh, I think it's
11:49a dead liberty.
11:50You'll have us
11:50bringing our camp beds
11:51in and sleeping here
11:52next.
11:53I'll tell you one
11:54thing.
11:54If your hooligans
11:54are staying on
11:55after school to run
11:56this library, I
11:57declaim all
11:58responsibility.
11:59Right.
12:00Give me the keys
12:01to the room, then.
12:03What?
12:05One of my keys?
12:07Of my key ring?
12:09Stay and supervise,
12:11then.
12:15This is the first
12:16time that this
12:18key and my soap
12:21have been parted
12:24have been parted
12:24since it was cut.
12:30It's only a key,
12:31Potter.
12:31It's not your child.
12:33Oh, wait till the
12:34other little children
12:35hear this, eh?
12:36Our own little key
12:37for our own little
12:38library.
12:39Oh, come on, Potter.
12:45Cheer up.
12:45No.
12:46Leave me alone.
12:48Look, I know we've
12:49done nothing but row
12:50ever since I've been
12:51at Fen Street, but I'm
12:52really not trying to
12:53undermine your authority.
12:54I just want to give
12:54these kids some sort of
12:56responsibility.
12:57You might just as well
13:00give them a 25-pounder
13:02to play with.
13:03What, that lot here
13:04after school?
13:05Yeah.
13:06It'll be El Alamein
13:07all over again.
13:13Well, I don't care what
13:14Privet said.
13:15I ain't doing no library
13:16duty, and that's flat.
13:17And when Frankie Abbott
13:18says he ain't going to do
13:19something, nobody makes him.
13:21Privet!
13:22Where?
13:24Anyway, it'll ruin my
13:25social life.
13:27Take this fella I'm
13:27going out with.
13:28Well, that sales
13:29representative with the
13:30sports car and the
13:31blared nostrils.
13:32Yeah.
13:33Well, if he comes
13:34round my house one
13:35night and me mum says,
13:36no, right, she's doing
13:37the school library,
13:38he'll find out I'm a
13:39school girl.
13:40Well, don't he know
13:40then?
13:41No.
13:42I told him I was an
13:43aero-stice.
13:44I can't stay.
13:45If I get in late, my
13:47dad'll pay me, and he
13:48always does.
13:49Rotten bully.
13:50I reckon he only takes
13:51it out on Den because
13:52he always loses the
13:53fights outside the pub
13:54himself.
13:55Me, a bleeding
13:56librarian.
13:58How can I ever show
13:58me face down Vicks
13:59McCambo club again?
14:01Oh, I think you're
14:02all missing the point.
14:04I mean, Privet's
14:05trusting us, hasn't he?
14:07He give us a free
14:08hand.
14:09Don't that mean
14:10nothing to you
14:11lot?
14:11good night, children.
14:23Good night.
14:24And so, to the weary
14:26labourer comes his rest,
14:28hey?
14:28good night, children.
14:34Good night, children.
14:47Ah, Mr. Hedges.
14:48On your way to supervise
14:51the gala opening of the
14:52school library.
14:53Not me, monsieur.
14:535C are doing the
14:54supervising.
14:55Then on your head be it.
14:57Well, that's just the
14:58point.
14:58I'm leaving them to it.
15:00Then good night, Mr. Hedges.
15:01I thought you were
15:22going home.
15:24Ah, yes, yes, I am.
15:25Well, you should know
15:26which way the door is by now.
15:27You've been in this
15:28bloody snake pit a month.
15:29Ah, well, I thought I'd
15:31dropped half a crown.
15:32Oh, well, well, yeah.
15:34Ah, you bloody layard.
15:36Anyway, what are you
15:37still doing here?
15:38You usually have a pub
15:39at this time of night
15:40with a pint in one hand
15:41and a barmaid in the other.
15:42Well, I can't help it
15:43if my innate nobility
15:44keeps rising above the
15:45level of common man.
15:47You mean you want to be
15:48up front if anything goes
15:49wrong with the library?
15:51Well, if you didn't
15:51suspect something was
15:52going to go wrong,
15:52what are you doing
15:53hanging about here?
15:54I am going home.
15:57Well, you wait.
15:57All you doubting
15:58Thomases tomorrow will be
16:00hoist by your own
16:01petards, if you'll
16:02pardon the mixed metaphor.
16:03I'm giving these kids
16:04something they don't
16:05see too much of price.
16:07Trust.
16:08Ah, and that's how
16:09you'll end up.
16:10Trust.
16:11Come on.
16:12Go on.
16:13I can do that drink
16:13now.
16:14No, actually,
16:14you've left something
16:16behind in the library.
16:17Come on.
16:17You old Welsh Jewett.
16:27Get out of this,
16:29Webster!
16:30Bloody sauce.
16:32Bursting at our library
16:33like that.
16:33Typical 5B, that is.
16:35Trunky crowd, they are.
16:36Yeah, I mean,
16:37we built the thing,
16:38didn't we?
16:38Yeah.
16:39We should be the first
16:40to avail ourselves
16:41of the facilities.
16:42Now, let's have
16:43an avail.
16:43Hooray!
16:44Hooray!
16:44Hooray!
16:58Hooray!
16:59Hooray!
17:00Hooray!
17:01Hooray!
17:01Hooray!
17:01Hooray!
17:01Hooray!
17:02Hooray!
17:02Hooray!
17:03Hooray!
17:03Hooray!
17:04Hooray!
17:05Hooray!
17:05Is that another
17:06of your jokes?
17:07I don't make any jokes.
17:08What?
17:09What's twisting
17:09your bracelet,
17:10then, boyo?
17:11Well, I thought
17:12this new library
17:13was to open last night.
17:14Oh, so it was.
17:15So it was.
17:15Yes, but when
17:16young Khan of 3A
17:18went along,
17:19he found the door locked.
17:20Well, you know,
17:205C, they probably
17:21did a two-minute opening
17:23and then they
17:23shot off off.
17:24No, no, no,
17:24they were in there.
17:26You see, young Khan,
17:27he's a very persistent lad.
17:29Oh, I seek by name
17:30and seek by nature,
17:31is he?
17:32Oh, that's very good!
17:34I like that.
17:35Anyway,
17:36he knocked repeatedly
17:38and eventually
17:39the door was flung open,
17:41his little turban
17:41was pulled over his eyes
17:43and he was told
17:44to go and get knitted.
17:46Not it.
17:47Not it?
17:47Not it.
17:49Maybe, maybe.
17:51Still,
17:51what do you make
17:52of it, Bryce?
17:53Well, it's obvious.
17:545C made the library
17:55and they are keeping
17:56it in the family.
17:57Poor Hedges.
17:59I did hope
17:59his form would
18:00respond to the stimulus
18:02he gave them.
18:03Stimulus?
18:03That bunch
18:04ought to be put
18:05to bloody sleep, man.
18:07At Hedges,
18:07he couldn't stimulate
18:08a rabbit.
18:08morning!
18:27Are you in the register
18:28for me,
18:28Mr Potter?
18:29You can't sidetrack me, you know.
18:32Well, don't start so early. I haven't had my sedative yet.
18:36You are going to get a complaint from Miss Fairbrother of the Evening Institute.
18:41Well, I'll keep away from her till she's better.
18:45I hate those sort of remarks.
18:47Well, I would say, what do you mean for a change?
18:49All right, I will.
18:52Miss Fairbrother is going to complain about the noise coming from your library.
18:55Well, they couldn't have been my kids.
19:00They'd have locked up and gone home by half past six.
19:02On paper, maybe. In fact, half past nine.
19:06Well, it's just over-exuberance. It's like a new toy to them.
19:10Toy, my aunt, funny.
19:12If you ask me, they were having a right all day about that.
19:15Oh, don't be ridiculous.
19:17I've got unreputable evidence.
19:20What, a couple of toffee papers on the floor?
19:23No, half a ton of empty beer bottles in my dustbin.
19:27Yeah, well, perhaps the Evening Institute ladies are secret drinkers.
19:30They only drink tea, because my ruby makes it.
19:35And what about that, what about the smell of the smoke of tobacco fumes coming from the library this morning, eh?
19:40All right, so they had the odd fag.
19:43The odd fag?
19:44The old flying Scott never popped up as much smoke as that.
19:47Probably not plain tobacco, either, you know.
19:50Oh, yeah.
19:51I bet you they were smoking that carnaby rubbish.
19:56Cannabis!
19:58They're not that stupid.
20:01All right, then, all right.
20:01What about that thumping and banging that was going on, eh?
20:03Miss Lovibon was all in her dancing class under the library,
20:06and she got ceiling plaster all over her velita.
20:11All right.
20:12All right, you've made your point.
20:13Well, look, do me a favour.
20:16Don't say anything about this.
20:17I've already said, I've told Miss Yule.
20:20Well, thanks, mate.
20:22Ah, Mr. Hedges.
20:25Yes, well, if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to cleaning the headmaster's car.
20:31Well, Mr. Hedges.
20:33I know.
20:33You told me.
20:34Oh, I'm not gloating.
20:35I'm just considering the appropriate steps I should take.
20:39Well, let me deal with them.
20:40Well, I meant the appropriate steps with you.
20:43Oh, well.
20:45On the other hand, I can't construe your desire to trust your form as reprehensible.
20:49Oh, well, thank you very much.
20:50Just silly and immature.
20:53Well, not anymore.
20:54They've aged me.
20:55I'm fed up with my martyred belief in this class.
21:01Well, tonight, they burn.
21:07Look, let's keep it down a bit tonight, eh?
21:10When the evening institute starts.
21:11We don't want that old bag knocking on the door again.
21:13She couldn't have reported us, could she?
21:15Cos no-one's given us a racking today.
21:17Oh, Prim, it's been as good as gold all day.
21:20Oh, bless him.
21:20He's such a trusting soul.
21:22Thank God.
21:23Sir's coming.
21:26Quick, eyed.
21:27What are we going to do in here?
21:29Disguise ourselves as books.
21:30I'm going home.
21:31Get back in your pram and cool it, Frankie.
21:33We're doing our library, don't you?
21:35Wait.
21:42May I come in for a moment?
21:45Hello, Chief.
21:46What a book.
21:48No, thanks, Duffy.
21:48I just popped in to...
21:50Just popped in to see if you've got everything organised.
21:56Oh, yes, we have.
21:57And we ain't got no bottles yet.
22:02Bottles?
22:03Bottles?
22:04Yeah, er, you know, ink bottles.
22:07For writing on the cards.
22:09Oh, I see.
22:10Just for a moment there,
22:11I thought you were talking about, er,
22:13beer bottles.
22:14Oh, yet...
22:15It's funny, you seem to have more staff
22:26than customers at the moment.
22:27You can never tell.
22:28There might be a rush later on.
22:31Yes, quite probably.
22:33Well, that's all splendid.
22:36I'll leave you all to carry on
22:38with tonight's Festival of the Arts.
22:42Good night.
22:43Good night, Chief.
22:46You've got to take care of the other baby, ain't it, eh?
22:49I'm beginning to feel a bit rotten.
22:50Oh, forget it, Moor. Come on, have a dance.
22:53Music maestro, please.
22:55This is Mr Hedges.
22:58If you yobs aren't out of here within five seconds,
23:01I'll take the elastic out of Maureen's knickers
23:03and throttle a lot of you.
23:05Oh, my God, we've been rambled.
23:11Good night, children.
23:16See you in the morning.
23:17APPLAUSE
24:11I am not generally in favour of corporal punishment,
24:15but last night I came close to indulging myself.
24:19However, since then, I have time to think.
24:23And this morning, caning does not seem to be the answer.
24:29Mass executions are more in order.
24:32Oh, Lord...
24:33Shut up!
24:34At least you have achieved the impossible.
24:39You have actually lowered the reputation of this form.
24:44No, you may not be excused.
24:47You will sit and wriggle if necessary.
24:49And listen, the fault, of course, is mine.
24:56I wouldn't say that.
24:57I would!
24:59I made the mistake of believing that if you were given trust,
25:02you would respond to it,
25:04and you did respond
25:05like the shifty,
25:07dishonest layabouts
25:10that you are.
25:11Who's he calling a layabout?
25:14You!
25:15Climmy, we was only having a giggle.
25:18You don't even understand what I'm trying to say, do you?
25:21Your having a giggle
25:23was exactly what the rest of the school expected you to do.
25:27And you didn't disappoint them, did you?
25:30Everybody, that is, except me.
25:33Bernard Muggins.
25:35And to think I was a big enough idiot
25:37to defend you.
25:42Don't cry, Maureen.
25:47And sniffling won't help either.
25:51Well, not any more.
25:53From now on,
25:55if anybody tells me
25:57that someone is set light to a first former,
25:59I will just take it for granted
26:03it was one of you.
26:06That's all I've got to say.
26:11The next time I shall be seeing you
26:14is the third period this afternoon,
26:17which, as far as I am concerned,
26:19is several years too soon.
26:24I'm going to confession tonight.
26:28I've never seen him that angry.
26:30All his nose went white.
26:33Yeah, well, he never frightened me.
26:36What are you trembling for, then?
26:39I always do that
26:39when I come close to laying someone out.
26:42Great pudding.
26:43Oh, come on.
26:45We've had ruffings before.
26:47This ain't a bleeding funeral.
26:48Yeah, it was a typical teacher snide trick, wasn't it?
26:51He's trying to make us feel guilty.
26:52Yeah.
26:53And I do.
26:54Oh, so do I.
26:57So do I.
26:57It's what gets up my nose.
27:00Even when he was annoyed,
27:01he'd give me his clean hanky.
27:03It's his fault.
27:04He shouldn't have been a big enough bird to trust us.
27:06But he did.
27:07Oh, shut up.
27:17Your Regis,
27:18is that right you gave young Emma
27:19to my form 500 lines last period?
27:21Yes, one of it.
27:23Nothing, nothing.
27:23I applauded himself a little,
27:25but I can't remember what lines he's got to write.
27:27The mastication of glutinous substances
27:29is an obnoxious habit
27:30and should be castigated at every opportunity.
27:33Oh, it's beautiful.
27:36It's almost bardic.
27:37What does it mean, boyo?
27:40Don't chew gum when you're reading Ode to a Nightingale.
27:43You know something, boyo?
27:44If you keep this lovely sadistic streak going,
27:46we'll make a teacher of you yet.
27:48Come on, let's go and have a school dinner.
27:49That'll keep you in the right mood.
27:50No, thanks.
27:51There are enough ugly things in this school
27:54without having to face school cooks.
27:56Well, I wouldn't go up the pub if I were you
27:57in your spare frame of mind.
27:58You'll never come back.
27:59No, I'm going into the library
28:01to read a beautiful book about beautiful people.
28:04Something like Dante's Inferno.
28:07Little bastards.
28:16Yuck, how do we write?
28:18Looks as if the London West parts
28:20will not lose more, then, yeah?
28:23Much worse.
28:245C.
28:25Well, that's it.
28:28Blood is going to be spilled, Bryce.
28:30Use this, boy.
28:34Well, thanks.
28:34There aren't enough nails in it.
28:36This way, Doris.
28:38That headmaster.
28:39Oh, Doris, what and you will aim off?
28:41Oh, it is.
28:52I was just looking for you.
28:54Now, will you tell Duffy that I'm desperately sorry,
28:57but nobody seems to know about his bubbles?
28:59Should I know about his bubbles, sir?
29:02Oh, no, no, no, no, you shouldn't,
29:03but the point is, Duffy wanted to know
29:05about the bubbles in a spirit level.
29:07Well, now, that's item one.
29:08Item two.
29:09Now, couldn't we go in and chat?
29:10No.
29:11Why not?
29:11Why not?
29:14Right, why not?
29:15Because the, um, the, um,
29:19walls, still a bit wet.
29:22Ah.
29:22What are you talking about?
29:23No, no, no, understood, old man, understood.
29:25Then item two, um, what was item two, Doris?
29:30The governor's headmaster.
29:31Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course.
29:33Hedges.
29:34I'm having the governor's for lunch.
29:36I do hope you enjoy them, dear.
29:38Oh, yes, I'm sure I shall.
29:40They're very pleasant.
29:41But the point is, after lunch,
29:43I'm bringing them along
29:44so that you can show them the library.
29:48Oh.
29:52Is that all you have to say?
29:54Oh, I think he's a little overwhelmed,
29:56aren't you, Hedges?
29:57Yes, I'm ever so overwhelmed.
30:00Well, now, we mustn't keep the big brass waiting.
30:03Hedges, do you think your, um,
30:05what's-its will be, um, dry in about an hour's time?
30:08Well, I, I put a four to seven hour
30:10slow drying gloss,
30:12but I'll blow on them or something.
30:14Ah, splendid.
30:15Come along then, Doris.
30:20An hour.
30:22Oh, that's 60 minutes.
30:23That's 3,600 seconds.
30:26That's impossible.
30:28Oh, hell.
30:29Ah, that's our library, you're smashing up.
30:47I'm smashing up.
30:49You did the smashing,
30:50you and your thuds masquerading as children.
30:53We never.
30:54Well, who's responsible for this lot then, Mace?
30:56I don't know, but I'm going to bloody well find out.
31:00You come back here and I apologize.
31:02Do you mind not shouting in my face?
31:03Potter, thank goodness.
31:05Aye, aye.
31:06Oh, oh.
31:08Typical, yeah.
31:09That's what you get through
31:10knocking national service on the end.
31:12Yes.
31:13Look, anything you say, Potter,
31:14only get your tool bag and help me.
31:16I've got the school governors coming in an hour's time.
31:18Do you know what time it is now?
31:19Yes, that's the whole point.
31:21It is 1,300 hours, which is my lunch break,
31:24and no little jumped-up Noah like you
31:26is going to keep me from my ruby's hot pop.
31:28She'll keep it warm for you.
31:29I'm sure she'll...
31:30You do it.
31:33Yeah, well, I do say there's something I could do.
31:36Thanks, Potter.
31:37I'll never call you another nasty name.
31:39Oh.
31:41All right.
31:42Yes, my PowerPoint's all right.
31:45Good afternoon, sir.
31:46Fascist!
31:50You know, it was Webster who smashed up the library, Eric.
31:53Stands to reason, Dan.
31:54Now, which form is like the Viet Cong offensory?
31:57Us.
31:58Oh, 5B.
32:00And who'd I sling out the library the other night?
32:01Old O.G. Webster himself.
32:03It's revenge, isn't it?
32:04You should have let me at his throat, Eric.
32:06I'd have ripped open his Jaguar vein.
32:09You'd be reading your Tarzan comics again, hadn't you?
32:12Maybe.
32:13Maybe not.
32:14Oh, shut up.
32:16Next time I pray for the whole school,
32:17I'm going to leave Webster out of it.
32:19Let his dredges down like that.
32:21Edge is nothing.
32:22What about us?
32:23If there's any smashing up to be done,
32:25we'll do it ourselves.
32:26Like smashing up Webster when he gets here.
32:28He ain't just going to walk through that door, is he, Eric?
32:29He knows if he comes in, he gets a nuttel sandwich.
32:32Oh, but he will.
32:33It's just a question of,
32:34if you go fishing, you use the right bait.
32:37Sharon.
32:38Exactly.
32:39Stump.
32:40You're even frightened to come in, Graham.
32:42Just forget it.
32:44No, I'm not frightened.
32:46Well, it's just that you do biology,
32:48and I thought you'd know.
32:50It's ever so painful.
32:53I wondered if you'd have a look.
32:55Right.
32:55Hello, me old Graham.
33:01You cat.
33:02Naughty Graham.
33:05Now, we have reason to believe
33:06that you and your lot smashed up our library, Graham.
33:09We ain't in any rush for you to own up.
33:10You've got ten seconds.
33:11I never, I never.
33:13Looks like the touch of the old head down my lab, Pam, Peter.
33:16Thanks, I pull the chain.
33:17All right, Graham Webster.
33:20Oh, now, for I'll push this hat in right through your eyeball.
33:25I did it.
33:26I did it.
33:28I thought it was.
33:30Wouldn't have done it really.
33:31Would you, Ma?
33:32Of course I wouldn't.
33:34I feel quite sick at the thought of it.
33:36I don't know what got into me.
33:38I do, sir.
33:39Hold in, Peter.
33:41OK, Webster, baby, talk.
33:43Talk fast.
33:44What are you doing?
33:46I'm using the old FBI technique to get him to own up, aren't I?
33:50He just has.
33:52Anyway, Joe Friday, your bulb's gone.
34:04I'll go sick.
34:06Yeah, that's it.
34:07I'll have another breakdown.
34:08Here's your guilty party.
34:12Webster and his mob from 5B.
34:13Green jealous, eh, was?
34:15That's why they smashed it up.
34:17Is this true, Webster?
34:18Yes, sir.
34:19Give him.
34:20Give him!
34:20All right, Duffy, release the backhammer.
34:24Right, Webster and fellow 5B mobsters.
34:29I don't know how long it took you to smash this place up,
34:31but you've got exactly 45 minutes to put it together again.
34:35That's the hammer.
34:35Give him a time limit.
34:36We've already got one.
34:37The governors are coming in, then.
34:39Stone me!
34:40And we was going to say sorry and all, sir.
34:43Thank you, thank you.
34:46Get in there.
34:47Here are, sir.
34:48Here's another 5B right around here.
34:50Do you think you can hold the governors up for a bit when they get here?
35:03Right, yeah, look, I've got to have my nervous breakdown in the corridor.
35:18All right, come on, get on with it.
35:20Eric, Eric.
35:21You?
35:22I think I'll have a lie down.
35:23You lie down, haven't you?
35:25One, get up, because you'll be six feet under.
35:26Now, get on.
35:28And the amusing part of it all was that Mark Antony was lurking in the background,
35:36so Caesar said, on with the game and play up Pompey.
35:40Oh, yes.
35:42Oh, headmaster, you rascal.
35:45Well, now we come to the Napoleon brandy, as it were, of the luncheon.
35:50The new library.
35:53Oh, no, good.
35:53I really think we should hurry, sir, you know.
35:56We should...
35:56Potter, stop interfering with the headmaster.
35:58Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
36:00It's quite all right now.
36:01There's an example of this new team spirit that I'm trying to inculcate at Fen Street.
36:05Here is an executive who is interested, excited about us seeing the new library.
36:12Oh, I am indeed, sir, yes, extremely, sir.
36:14Would you please, sir, just follow me?
36:16No, thank you.
36:18Ah, ah, ah.
36:20And here is the most excited of them all, our Mr. Hedges, who is responsible for the library.
36:25How do you do, Hedges?
36:26How do you do, sir?
36:27Mr. J...
36:28How do you do, sir?
36:29How do you do, sir?
36:32Is everything ready, Mr. Hedges?
36:33Well, of course you are, sir.
36:35Pardon?
36:36Well, off we go, then.
36:38Yes, thank you.
36:38Good Lord.
36:40Don't point at Mr. Harvey.
36:42It is Mr. Harvey, isn't it?
36:44I thought it was.
36:47Fancy meeting you here after all these years.
36:49Here?
36:50Yes.
36:51I'm sorry, I don't...
36:51No, no, you wouldn't.
36:52No.
36:53It was my uncle that knew you.
36:54Oh, I see.
36:56From where?
36:57Don't you remember?
36:59It was when you were in, um...
37:00What's the name of the place?
37:02It was, uh...
37:03Abroad somewhere?
37:04Oh, Nairobi.
37:05Nairobi!
37:06Yes, that's the place, yes, yes, yes.
37:08I wasn't actually in Nairobi, of course.
37:10No, not actually in Nairobi.
37:14No, it was just...
37:16Outside.
37:17Just outside, yes, just outside.
37:19It's almost like Stanley and Livingston, isn't it?
37:22Uh, this, uh, uncle of yours, what's his name?
37:26Well, he was always talking about a very good friend of yours, but his name, I can't remember.
37:31I'm terrible with making...
37:32Oh, Hillier, you mean?
37:33That's the chap, Hillier.
37:35Yes, yes.
37:35I'm afraid we lost touch.
37:37Oh.
37:37How...
37:38How is Hillier these days?
37:40How is, uh, Hillier?
37:40Ah, he's, um...
37:42Nasty business out there, wasn't it?
37:44Shocking.
37:46Well, what happened to Mr Hillier?
37:49Well...
37:49Well, he's...
37:52Yes.
37:55He lost, um...
37:57He got, um...
37:59Really, Mr Harvey's story, he was out there.
38:02Ah, well, what happened to Mr Hillier, Mr Harvey?
38:05Oh, poor chap got mauled.
38:07Mauled?
38:07Yes, yes, yes.
38:08In a game reserve.
38:09Hmm?
38:10Hmm?
38:10By a lion.
38:11Tiger.
38:14A lion.
38:15Yes, it was a lion.
38:15He's fine now, though.
38:18Must limp.
38:19Apart from the limp, he's fine, yeah.
38:21Yes, sir, lives in, uh...
38:22Lives in Sutton somewhere, I believe.
38:25Extraordinary coincidence, so do I.
38:26Coalfield, down the M1.
38:28Oh.
38:29Was Mr Hillier badly mauled?
38:33Well, he had scars all...
38:37Poor chap, poor chap.
38:39Hello, sir.
38:41Right.
38:43Well, I mustn't take any more of your time, sir.
38:45I wondered if you'd like to have a look at the library.
38:47Oh, thank you.
38:48Would you follow me, please, sir?
38:49No.
38:50Yes, sir, it's awful.
38:51Allow me to go for the doors, boy.
38:52Well, um, now, um, here are some of, uh, Mr Hedges' willing lieutenants.
39:05I must say, this is all very impressive.
39:06Very impressive.
39:10What are you doing, young man?
39:12Oh, I'm cross-referencing the author's subject index, sir.
39:15And I'm an...
39:16Annotating.
39:17Annotating, sir.
39:18Very good, very good.
39:20My word, I could do with you two in my bank.
39:22And here are you.
39:25A little bubble, boy.
39:27Hello.
39:30And what are you reading, Abbott?
39:33Flowers and trees of the British countryside.
39:37Very good, Cromwell.
39:39Very good.
39:40I, uh, I don't see many borrowers.
39:42Um, uh, hedges?
39:44Nothing?
39:45Oh, there'll be flooding in any minute.
39:48Yes.
39:49Of course there will.
39:50There'll be flooding in any minute.
39:54Any, uh, any minute now.
39:56How did it work this one, Duffy?
39:59All right, then, Nob, what's it going to be?
40:00Fair call for me or kiss up with Sharon?
40:03Kiss up with Sharon.
40:04Come here, then.
40:05Go on.
40:06Bit of a come down from an air roast, isn't it?
40:08Well done, hedges, first class.
40:14But, um, what is the, uh, the tape recorder for?
40:18Well, I'm starting a tape library, sir.
40:19Oh, what a splendid idea.
40:21What's on here?
40:23This is Mr. Hedges.
40:25If you yobz aren't out of here within five seconds,
40:29I'll take the elastic out of Maureen's knickers
40:31and throttle a lot of you.
40:32Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
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