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00:00:00Stick a pony in me pocket, I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:00:09Cause if you are the best ones, but you don't ask questions
00:00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:00:21It's like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea
00:00:25But is the one that's driving me berserk?
00:00:29Why do only foes and horses work?
00:00:32La la la la. La la la la la. La la la la.
00:00:38In New Orleans, the 1840 Kingston Road, that's closed northbound at Ruxley Lane due to an accident.
00:00:44We've got Jubilee Way also closed. That's causing a few problems.
00:00:47We're heading onto the airport. You can see behind me not looking too good.
00:00:50You better get ready for school, don't you?
00:00:52This isn't heading into town, it's heading out of town on the westbound...
00:00:54I am ready.
00:00:55all right
00:00:58is that contraction
00:01:02no indigestion
00:01:04it's that bacon burger I have for breakfast
00:01:07you never used to eat bacon
00:01:09what burgers
00:01:10I'm craving bacon now
00:01:12bacon and Rolos
00:01:14together
00:01:15when I was having Damien
00:01:18I had a terrible craving for tuna
00:01:19I used to have tuna for breakfast, lunch and dinner
00:01:22didn't I
00:01:22yeah it was horrible
00:01:24saying goodnight to her, it's like kissing Japan
00:01:26shut up
00:01:28if I'm like this with indigestion
00:01:31how am I going to be when I go into labour
00:01:32it affects women differently, some just sail through
00:01:35yeah that's right
00:01:36I remember when mum was giving birth to Rodney
00:01:39she said it was the worst experience of her life
00:01:42just because you're mum at a bad time
00:01:45doesn't mean Cassandra will
00:01:46oh no no no
00:01:48no I see what you mean
00:01:49no I mean really Cassandra
00:01:51you should have a nice easy birth
00:01:53shouldn't you
00:01:53why?
00:01:54well look at you
00:01:55you and Rodney
00:01:57you're both very skinny
00:01:58skinny slim
00:01:58aren't you
00:01:59so the chances of you having a very skinny slim
00:02:03slimmy baby
00:02:04you're not very high
00:02:06you know you won't have to push too hard
00:02:08will you
00:02:08because your little sprog will come shooting out
00:02:10like that
00:02:10like that
00:02:11Del please
00:02:13sometimes you really overstep the mark
00:02:16no no no
00:02:16what I'm saying
00:02:17is that
00:02:18you see Cassandra won't need a midwife
00:02:20in the delivery room
00:02:21what she will need is a goalkeeper
00:02:23here it comes
00:02:24come on you
00:02:27you'll be late
00:02:28oh there he is
00:02:29all ready for school son
00:02:30yeah got your sunglasses
00:02:32your walkman
00:02:32your mobile phone
00:02:34yeah yeah
00:02:34don't bother me man
00:02:35go on off you go
00:02:36I think I'll have a lie down
00:02:37I don't know if Cassandra will still feel up to it
00:02:49but she was planning to spend the day at her parents house
00:02:51she hadn't seen her mum for a while
00:02:52I thought I might go with her
00:02:53yeah that's all right darling
00:02:54you go off and enjoy yourself
00:02:56we'll meet you down the pub later
00:02:57I'll have a bacon sandwich
00:02:59and a packet of Werther's original on the side for Cassandra
00:03:01do you think she's all right
00:03:04yeah she's fine
00:03:05yeah of course she'd be all right
00:03:06well I mean she's had buckets of pork and toffee
00:03:09she's about to feel a bit jippy
00:03:10ain't she
00:03:11yeah I suppose you're all right
00:03:12well we better think about doing something
00:03:14haven't we
00:03:15I thought we could go down
00:03:16Rodney Nelson's warehouse
00:03:17no no no
00:03:18not today Rodney no
00:03:19right
00:03:20Del
00:03:21hmm
00:03:21Rodney is the managing director now
00:03:23yes
00:03:23I'm in charge
00:03:24yes I know
00:03:25but today I'm going down the cemetery
00:03:27to put some flowers on mum's grave
00:03:28I'll come with you
00:03:29no
00:03:30look I want you to stay here
00:03:33and look after Cassandra
00:03:34yeah
00:03:35yeah I suppose so
00:03:35but if she feels better a bit later on
00:03:37I'll go down Ronnie's place on my own
00:03:38oh no
00:03:39look if she bucks up
00:03:41I want you to take her and Raquel over to her mum's
00:03:45and I want you to stay with them in case they're carjacking
00:03:47put on your capri gear
00:03:49you're all right
00:03:51hmm
00:03:52oi
00:03:52what
00:03:53what's the matter with him
00:03:56why would you never let him do things on his own
00:03:58I can't let Rodney go out with the business in his hands can I
00:04:02he'd come back with a bag of magic beads
00:04:04oh yeah and you're so successful aren't you
00:04:07oh come on don't start
00:04:08this situation
00:04:10what situation
00:04:11you being made bankrupt
00:04:12owing the inland revenue of 53,000 pounds
00:04:15and the official receiver threatening to evict us
00:04:17and put the flat up for auction
00:04:18oh that
00:04:19yes that
00:04:20and what about all those letters from that firm of solicitors
00:04:22have you phoned them to find out what it's about
00:04:24no I haven't
00:04:25I've been rather busy
00:04:26have you told Rodney about it
00:04:28no he's got enough to worry about
00:04:30I'll tell him when the moment's right
00:04:32okay can I borrow these
00:04:33thank you
00:04:35have you told Raquel yet
00:04:40I told her what
00:04:42that the official receiver is auctioning this flat in a month's time
00:04:45no look she's got enough to worry about
00:04:48I'll tell her when the moment's right
00:04:50tell
00:04:51no see you Rodney
00:04:53are you alright mum
00:05:01I've come to give you a bit of a scrub up
00:05:06how'd you like your new obelisk
00:05:13the other one you know your old one was okay
00:05:19but you know
00:05:20it wasn't quite you
00:05:22so when me and brothers became millionaires
00:05:26we got you this new one
00:05:27best one in the yard is
00:05:29this is the Ferrari of shrines
00:05:32anyway
00:05:34Cassandra
00:05:37she'll be giving birth to
00:05:40another grandchild in the family
00:05:43I said to him
00:05:45I said
00:05:45if it's a girl
00:05:47would they name her after you
00:05:49Joan
00:05:50anyway I'm sorry mum
00:05:54I haven't been down for a long time
00:05:57but I've had one or two problems to sort out
00:05:59what with the bankruptcy
00:06:01and all of that
00:06:02then I received this letter
00:06:07from the official receiver
00:06:08says they want to auction the old flat
00:06:11the lads have been good
00:06:14they've all been trying to think of ways for me to make money
00:06:19you've got to invent something
00:06:22invent something
00:06:24all inventors are rich
00:06:25what's the name of that bloke who invented the Dyson vacuum cleaner
00:06:29what about that bloke who invented the biro
00:06:40Bic
00:06:40millionaire
00:06:43so no trick I thought about that
00:06:45but everything's already been invented
00:06:47hasn't it
00:06:48not everything
00:06:49picture this
00:06:51you're on a crowded bus
00:06:53you get an itch in your back
00:06:55and no matter how hard you try
00:06:57you just can't reach it
00:06:58so
00:06:59what do you do
00:07:00ask one of the other passengers to scratch it for you
00:07:03no you can't do that Dave
00:07:07no trick I'm just
00:07:08I tried that once
00:07:11and it caused nothing but trouble
00:07:13now
00:07:16what's this
00:07:19chopstick
00:07:21correct
00:07:23with this
00:07:24you can reach down
00:07:26and hit the spot
00:07:27that's very good Trig
00:07:31it's good
00:07:31not quite up to Bill Gates standard
00:07:34but
00:07:34it is brilliant
00:07:36I don't want to disappoint you Trig
00:07:38and I know the Chinese have always been a very inventive race
00:07:41but we created something years ago
00:07:43that rather beat them to the punch
00:07:45we called it the backscratcher
00:07:46yeah but they're big long things Dave
00:07:49you can't carry one of them in your inside pocket
00:07:51it will stick out
00:07:52people will look
00:07:54it's a no trick
00:07:55but what you've got to do
00:07:56you've got to have something long haven't you
00:07:58to get it right down there
00:07:59where the itch is
00:08:00isn't it
00:08:01that thing's too short
00:08:02so
00:08:03what's the answer
00:08:04another drink
00:08:06no
00:08:09two chopsticks
00:08:15I'm going to fit
00:08:17a little hinge
00:08:19on the end
00:08:19so you can
00:08:21open it out
00:08:23scratch away
00:08:24fold it down again
00:08:27and put it back in your pocket
00:08:29and
00:08:31you can use it
00:08:33for pointing at things
00:08:34well it's brilliant
00:08:38isn't it
00:08:39no more fingers
00:08:41this is just a specimen
00:08:43I'm going back to my flat now
00:08:45to work on it
00:08:45when I take the patent out
00:08:47Dale
00:08:48I'm going to put it in your name
00:08:49thanks Trig
00:08:50see you on tomorrow's world
00:08:53well
00:08:58everything that could go wrong
00:09:00has gone wrong
00:09:01seems like nothing's going to change
00:09:03my bad luck
00:09:04Raquel says
00:09:06that we ought to try
00:09:07Feng Shui
00:09:08I said to her
00:09:09I said
00:09:09what good is eating raw fish
00:09:11going to do
00:09:11if all that weren't bad enough
00:09:16I'm getting all these letters
00:09:17from the solicitor
00:09:18demanding a meeting
00:09:20all I know is
00:09:22if I go and get over 50 grand
00:09:24in four weeks time
00:09:26I'll be kipping on that bench
00:09:27over there
00:09:28at least I'll be keeping you company
00:09:31won't I mum
00:09:32if there's anything
00:09:35that you can do
00:09:36you know
00:09:37while you're up there
00:09:38like
00:09:39a word
00:09:40in the right ear
00:09:41everybody else are grateful
00:09:44anyway
00:09:47I better
00:09:47buzz off
00:09:48see you soon mum
00:09:51buzz you
00:09:55what are you doing
00:10:08actually I'm writing a screenplay
00:10:11for a movie
00:10:12oh
00:10:14where is everyone
00:10:15dad's down the cemetery
00:10:17Cassandra's gone round
00:10:18to her parents place
00:10:19for the afternoon
00:10:20with your mum
00:10:20is it a silent film
00:10:25no it is not a silent film
00:10:27actually
00:10:28you might be able
00:10:29to help me with this
00:10:30oh yeah
00:10:31what do you want me to do
00:10:32bugger off
00:10:32and leave me alive
00:10:33postman's given me another letter
00:10:45from the official receiver
00:10:46look
00:10:46suppose it's about this flat
00:10:48it certainly ain't a Christmas card
00:10:49is it
00:10:50getting busy have you
00:10:52yes
00:10:53what's wrong dad
00:10:56you look a bit worried
00:10:57that's probably
00:10:59because I am worried son
00:11:00dear I don't know
00:11:03I haven't slept for ages
00:11:05I feel so stressed out
00:11:07that you do de menu in
00:11:09could play a symphony on me
00:11:10I'm gonna go play football
00:11:13yeah right
00:11:15here
00:11:16don't forget what I told you
00:11:17about dirty tackling
00:11:19yeah be first
00:11:20good boy
00:11:49how's that creative writing course
00:11:50of yours coming along Rodney
00:11:51yeah fine
00:11:53good
00:11:53because I get worried
00:11:55about you you know
00:11:56even though I got this
00:11:58bankruptcy looming over me
00:11:59and my eminent eviction
00:12:02of course
00:12:02but
00:12:03I lie awake at night
00:12:05you know worrying
00:12:05and I keep on thinking
00:12:07I say to myself
00:12:07is Rodney getting his commas
00:12:10in the right place
00:12:11alright what's up with you
00:12:14what do you mean
00:12:14what's up with me
00:12:15I tell you what's up with me
00:12:16here I am
00:12:17halfway down the gurgler
00:12:18with only me head
00:12:19above the waterline
00:12:20and there's you poncing around
00:12:22on your wife's laptop
00:12:23wasting money
00:12:24on some mail order calls
00:12:26I'm not poncing around
00:12:27and I'm not wasting money
00:12:28I'm investing in our future
00:12:30what future
00:12:32we've got all the prospects
00:12:33of a toilet duck
00:12:35and I'm trying to get us
00:12:37out of this situation
00:12:38by earning us
00:12:39some serious money
00:12:40have you got any idea
00:12:41how much money there is
00:12:42to be earned
00:12:43out of writing a book
00:12:43or a film
00:12:44I don't suppose
00:12:45you've ever heard of the writer
00:12:46JK Rowling
00:12:47as a matter of fact
00:12:49yes I have
00:12:51he happens to be
00:12:52one of my most favourite
00:12:53yeah right
00:12:57JK Rowling's wrote
00:12:59all the Harry Potter books
00:13:00right
00:13:00and has earned
00:13:01over 70 million pounds
00:13:0370 million
00:13:05that would do us then
00:13:07wouldn't it
00:13:08it could get us
00:13:08over the worst
00:13:09yeah right
00:13:10go on then
00:13:11what
00:13:12write one
00:13:13I can't write
00:13:15a Harry Potter book
00:13:16it's copyrighted
00:13:17oh no
00:13:18don't worry about that
00:13:19just change a bit
00:13:20no one will notice
00:13:21call it
00:13:22Harry Trotter
00:13:23no
00:13:25look
00:13:27you shut up
00:13:28you tart
00:13:29all you've got to do
00:13:31is just
00:13:31have a couple of wizards
00:13:32and some little git
00:13:34with John Lennon glasses
00:13:35right
00:13:35and then we're off
00:13:37we're at the races
00:13:38no I can't write
00:13:39all that magic stuff
00:13:41I'm more drawn
00:13:42to the styles of
00:13:42Michael Crichton
00:13:43and Thomas Harris
00:13:44he wrote
00:13:45Silence of the Lambs
00:13:46oh yeah
00:13:47Hannibal the Cannonball
00:13:48no it's Cat
00:13:51hmm
00:13:51yeah
00:13:52well he's earned
00:13:54over a hundred million dollars
00:13:56a hundred million
00:13:57oh no it's all big talk
00:13:59you know
00:13:5970 million here
00:14:00100 million there
00:14:02but
00:14:02no no Rodney
00:14:03no you're entitled
00:14:04to talk big
00:14:05you know
00:14:05once you've been a millionaire
00:14:06like what we have
00:14:07you know what this is
00:14:11don't you Rodney
00:14:12you see
00:14:13every time
00:14:14we get into trouble
00:14:16and I go down
00:14:16and have a little talk
00:14:17to mum
00:14:18something turns up
00:14:20to save us
00:14:21huh
00:14:21and this is it
00:14:23this is a sign
00:14:24this is mum's doing
00:14:27come on Rodney
00:14:30we're going to come up
00:14:32with a film idea
00:14:33oh yeah
00:14:34so
00:14:39I rang Mike in prison
00:14:41and we've decided
00:14:42to turn this into
00:14:43a theme pub
00:14:44good
00:14:45we decided on a
00:14:461930s
00:14:47pre-war London
00:14:48theme
00:14:49well it's turned out
00:14:50well hasn't it
00:14:51it ain't started yet
00:14:53it's still at the
00:14:55consultation stage
00:14:56well let us know
00:14:57when it's finished
00:14:58Raquel
00:15:00Cassandra
00:15:01what are you drinking
00:15:02oh vodka
00:15:03and tonic please
00:15:03just an orange juice
00:15:05for me please
00:15:05Del and Rodney
00:15:06not here
00:15:07ain't seen them
00:15:08all day love
00:15:08tell Del
00:15:10the prototype
00:15:11has hit a snag
00:15:12right
00:15:14me paraffin heater
00:15:15melted the chopsticks
00:15:16I might have to go
00:15:19I might have to go
00:15:19to a Chinese shop
00:15:20he'll understand
00:15:22so
00:15:25right
00:15:26what are they doing
00:15:27who
00:15:28oh these people
00:15:29that you said
00:15:30that landed
00:15:31on an uninhabited
00:15:32desert island
00:15:33in the middle
00:15:34of the Pacific
00:15:35right
00:15:36they're scientists
00:15:38right
00:15:38right
00:15:38they've been sent
00:15:39there because
00:15:40there's been
00:15:40strange goings on
00:15:41like people
00:15:43getting killed
00:15:43yeah
00:15:44yeah
00:15:44disappearing
00:15:45strangely
00:15:46right
00:15:46hey this idea
00:15:47is getting
00:15:48better and better
00:15:49Rodney
00:15:49right
00:15:50so they land
00:15:51in a jumbo jet
00:15:52right
00:15:52which is being
00:15:53flown by
00:15:54well I'm thinking
00:15:55Mel Gibson
00:15:56Mel Gibson
00:15:57yeah
00:15:58yeah
00:15:59he ain't got
00:16:00all that soppy
00:16:01paint over his face
00:16:02though has he
00:16:02no no no
00:16:03he's the leading
00:16:05scientist
00:16:06right
00:16:06okay
00:16:06what's he doing
00:16:09flying the plane
00:16:10then
00:16:10oh I don't know
00:16:12we could say
00:16:14that in the past
00:16:15right
00:16:15he was a pilot
00:16:16for um
00:16:18Monarch
00:16:19no
00:16:22something exciting
00:16:24NASA
00:16:25NASA
00:16:26yes sir
00:16:27NASA
00:16:27so right
00:16:29Mel
00:16:29and his assistant
00:16:30right
00:16:31because I was
00:16:31thinking um
00:16:32Julia Roberts
00:16:33Julia Roberts
00:16:35yeah
00:16:36now you're talking
00:16:37like a mogul
00:16:38yeah
00:16:38so whilst they're
00:16:40out there doing
00:16:40all their
00:16:41you know
00:16:41scientific
00:16:42research
00:16:43and all that
00:16:43something
00:16:45in the jungle
00:16:46is watching them
00:16:47the monster
00:16:49except it's not
00:16:50really a monster
00:16:51no
00:16:51no
00:16:51because what
00:16:52they don't know
00:16:53is
00:16:53right
00:16:53on this island
00:16:55are a forgotten
00:16:56tribe
00:16:57of Neanderthals
00:16:58and they're called
00:16:59blimey
00:17:00well you need
00:17:00that
00:17:01don't you
00:17:01well
00:17:03old Mel
00:17:04there
00:17:04he's got
00:17:04his work
00:17:05cut out
00:17:05isn't he
00:17:06you know
00:17:06doing all
00:17:07his research
00:17:07and trying
00:17:08to sort
00:17:08Julia out
00:17:09so in the jungle
00:17:11right
00:17:12there's all
00:17:12these cavemen
00:17:13cavemen
00:17:14yeah
00:17:14and women
00:17:15and you know
00:17:16the women
00:17:17right
00:17:17you know
00:17:17what I mean
00:17:18serious film
00:17:19goers
00:17:20they like
00:17:20you know
00:17:20a bit of that
00:17:21I was thinking
00:17:23about
00:17:23Liz Hurley
00:17:25and Jordan
00:17:27we'll talk
00:17:29about it
00:17:30and I bet
00:17:30these cavemen
00:17:31they're killer
00:17:31cavemen
00:17:32aren't they
00:17:32yes
00:17:33yes
00:17:33I can see
00:17:34this is going
00:17:35to be a blockbuster
00:17:36it's called
00:17:37the island
00:17:38of death
00:17:39we'll talk
00:17:41about that
00:17:41as well
00:17:42yeah
00:17:42did you get
00:17:44the baby blues
00:17:45after Damien
00:17:46was born
00:17:47well I had my
00:17:48moments
00:17:48but not too bad
00:17:49I didn't get
00:17:50at all depressed
00:17:51after I had
00:17:52Tyler
00:17:52then again
00:17:53I was private
00:17:54the doctors
00:17:55and the drugs
00:17:55are much better
00:17:56than you get
00:17:56on the NHS
00:17:57I didn't get
00:17:58postnatal depression
00:17:59at all did I
00:18:00how would I know
00:18:01you've been
00:18:01screaming and crying
00:18:02all your life
00:18:03correction
00:18:06only since
00:18:07I married you
00:18:08it's our anniversary
00:18:10soon
00:18:1034 years
00:18:13god
00:18:14they dig up
00:18:14fossils younger
00:18:15than that
00:18:16yeah
00:18:18quite a bit
00:18:18of make-up
00:18:19on them
00:18:19and I might
00:18:19fancy them
00:18:20more on you
00:18:21mind you
00:18:24she has
00:18:25her uses
00:18:26if ever
00:18:27I have to
00:18:27draw a straight
00:18:28line
00:18:28I can't
00:18:28find a ruler
00:18:29I'll just
00:18:30use her chest
00:18:30that is
00:18:35one horrible
00:18:36git
00:18:37but he has
00:18:39got his
00:18:40nice sight
00:18:41last month
00:18:42he took out
00:18:42a massive
00:18:43life insurance
00:18:44on me
00:18:45shows he cares
00:18:47let's go home
00:18:50and ignore each
00:18:51other
00:18:52for the evening
00:18:52right
00:18:56right okay then
00:18:57where are they now
00:18:58at the end
00:18:59of the runway
00:19:00yeah
00:19:01right and they're
00:19:02just getting ready
00:19:02to take off
00:19:03when suddenly
00:19:04a big bird
00:19:07gets sucked into
00:19:07one of the engines
00:19:08yes
00:19:10yes
00:19:10I can see that
00:19:11Rodney
00:19:11that is drama
00:19:13yeah
00:19:13I feel an Oscar
00:19:15coming on here
00:19:16who do you see
00:19:18playing the big bird
00:19:19hey
00:19:23Roseanne Barr
00:19:26she ain't small
00:19:26is she
00:19:27no no
00:19:29when I say
00:19:30big bird
00:19:31I know
00:19:32because I mean
00:19:32if you got Roseanne
00:19:33Barr stuck in your
00:19:34engine
00:19:34you'd know all about
00:19:35it
00:19:35no no
00:19:37I'm talking about
00:19:38an angle
00:19:39or a tournament
00:19:40a tournament
00:19:43an eagle
00:19:46right
00:19:47I see
00:19:48ah
00:19:49no no
00:19:50got it
00:19:51got it Rodney
00:19:52listen
00:19:52this is it
00:19:53listen to this
00:19:54you see now
00:19:55Mel
00:19:55right
00:19:56his assistant
00:19:57is in the beginning
00:19:59played by
00:19:59Roseanne Barr
00:20:00I don't want
00:20:01Roseanne Barr
00:20:02listen to this
00:20:03but when old Mel
00:20:04pulls her out
00:20:04of the engine
00:20:05right
00:20:06she's in a right
00:20:07mess
00:20:07ain't she
00:20:07Mel
00:20:08listen to me
00:20:09so this is
00:20:10no listen
00:20:10this is when we
00:20:11find out
00:20:11that not only
00:20:12is Mel
00:20:13right
00:20:13a pilot
00:20:14and a you know
00:20:15a science
00:20:16researchist
00:20:17but he's also
00:20:18a plastic surgeon
00:20:19no
00:20:20and in the back
00:20:21of his aeroplane
00:20:22right
00:20:22right
00:20:22he's got some
00:20:23of his old
00:20:23plastic surgeon
00:20:24tools
00:20:25so he operates
00:20:26on her
00:20:26I don't want
00:20:28him operating
00:20:28on her
00:20:29yeah you see
00:20:30and then he
00:20:30turns her
00:20:31into Julia
00:20:32Roberts
00:20:32right
00:20:33and when she
00:20:34looks in the
00:20:35mirror and
00:20:35sees what
00:20:36he's done
00:20:36she says
00:20:37go on
00:20:38bloody hell
00:20:38Mel
00:20:39help yourself
00:20:39and that
00:20:43is your
00:20:43romance
00:20:44I'm not
00:20:47I'm not having
00:20:47Roseanne
00:20:47Bale's leg
00:20:48sticking out
00:20:48of one
00:20:49end of a
00:20:49jumbo jet's
00:20:50engine
00:20:50and Julia
00:20:51Roberts
00:20:51head sticking
00:20:52out the
00:20:52other end
00:20:53you certainly
00:21:00said they'd
00:21:00meet us
00:21:01I'm positive
00:21:02oh my god
00:21:06oh no
00:21:08why did they
00:21:09do things
00:21:10like this
00:21:10as I've said
00:21:12to you before
00:21:12women are
00:21:14from Venus
00:21:14men
00:21:15are from
00:21:16Peckham
00:21:17carry that
00:21:25coffee for
00:21:26you
00:21:27get off
00:21:27me
00:21:27Rodney
00:21:28I'm sorry
00:21:29I know
00:21:29you're an
00:21:30attentive
00:21:30and committed
00:21:31man
00:21:31but you're
00:21:32getting on
00:21:32my bloody
00:21:32nerves
00:21:33hormones
00:21:36eh
00:21:36yeah
00:21:37I'm glad
00:21:38I ain't got
00:21:38none
00:21:39no
00:21:41it's an
00:21:41answering
00:21:42machine
00:21:42I hate
00:21:43them
00:21:43hello
00:21:45Denzel
00:21:45this is
00:21:46Del Boy
00:21:46yeah listen
00:21:48I haven't
00:21:48been able
00:21:48to get
00:21:49hold of
00:21:49you
00:21:49for the
00:21:50last
00:21:50couple
00:21:50of
00:21:50weeks
00:21:51but I
00:21:52just wanted
00:21:52to let
00:21:52you know
00:21:53that I
00:21:53had a
00:21:54job for
00:21:54you worth
00:21:54500 quid
00:21:56well
00:21:57I've had
00:21:58to let
00:21:58it go
00:21:58to someone
00:21:59else
00:21:59now
00:21:59so I
00:22:00just wanted
00:22:01to let
00:22:01you know
00:22:02what a
00:22:03half head
00:22:03I think
00:22:04you really
00:22:05are
00:22:05bonjour
00:22:06you'll
00:22:09never guess
00:22:10I've just
00:22:11been talking
00:22:11to that
00:22:12woman who
00:22:12cleans
00:22:12for
00:22:13Boise
00:22:13and
00:22:13Marlene
00:22:14she says
00:22:15she hasn't
00:22:16seen sight and
00:22:16a sound of
00:22:17Marlene
00:22:17for eight
00:22:18days
00:22:18now
00:22:19no
00:22:19what do
00:22:20you think's
00:22:20happened
00:22:21I don't know
00:22:21strange though
00:22:23I can't imagine
00:22:24how Boise and
00:22:25Marlene weren't
00:22:26divorced years
00:22:26ago
00:22:27oh come on
00:22:28Marlene will never
00:22:29divorce Boise
00:22:30she hates him
00:22:31too much
00:22:31you shouldn't
00:22:33laugh about it
00:22:35marital breakups
00:22:36can be very
00:22:36damaging
00:22:37years ago
00:22:38I did some work
00:22:39for the Samaritans
00:22:40what you were
00:22:41actually on the
00:22:41phones
00:22:42oh yeah
00:22:43yes
00:22:43very successful
00:22:45he was too
00:22:46no one ever
00:22:47phoned back
00:22:47Del
00:22:54have you seen
00:22:55Marlene recently
00:22:56no
00:22:57I bumped
00:22:57into Boise
00:22:57a couple of
00:22:58days ago
00:22:58he just said
00:22:59she'd gone
00:22:59away
00:22:59maybe he's
00:23:01mad at her
00:23:01keep your nose
00:23:03out of this
00:23:03do you think
00:23:05she's left him
00:23:05well they were
00:23:06having quite a
00:23:07row in the
00:23:07pub
00:23:08he got very
00:23:09nasty
00:23:09he accused her
00:23:10of being flat
00:23:11chested
00:23:12oh come on
00:23:13they're always
00:23:13having rows
00:23:14you ain't seen
00:23:15Denzel for a
00:23:16while either
00:23:17have you
00:23:17maybe they've
00:23:19run off
00:23:19together
00:23:20fuck it
00:23:22him though
00:23:22Marlene has
00:23:24run off
00:23:25with Den
00:23:25so
00:23:27Jane
00:23:32half a lager
00:23:33and Del
00:23:34Shusel
00:23:34poison in
00:23:36the dining
00:23:36room
00:23:37candlestick
00:23:38in the
00:23:39bedroom
00:23:39what are you
00:23:41playing
00:23:41Cluedo
00:23:41no
00:23:42it's called
00:23:43whatever
00:23:43happened
00:23:44to Marlene
00:23:45it's been
00:23:46ten days
00:23:47now
00:23:47I reckon
00:23:48she's either
00:23:49run off
00:23:49with another
00:23:50bloke
00:23:50or Boise
00:23:51has killed
00:23:51her
00:23:51and buried
00:23:52her in
00:23:52the garden
00:23:52or she's
00:23:53spending
00:23:54the week
00:23:54at her
00:23:54sisters
00:23:55spending
00:23:56the week
00:23:57at her
00:23:57sisters
00:23:58you're in
00:23:58your imagination
00:23:59Rodney
00:23:59do you remember
00:24:01the old
00:24:02jolly boys
00:24:02outings
00:24:03we used
00:24:03to go
00:24:03on
00:24:04oh
00:24:04what
00:24:05the
00:24:05Benos
00:24:05to Margate
00:24:06yeah they
00:24:06were great
00:24:07yeah they
00:24:07wanted him
00:24:08in years
00:24:08no
00:24:09well after
00:24:10the last
00:24:11one
00:24:11the coach
00:24:12firms
00:24:12wouldn't do
00:24:12business
00:24:13with us
00:24:13the other
00:24:15night
00:24:15I was going
00:24:16through a
00:24:16couple of
00:24:17old boxes
00:24:17and I
00:24:18found this
00:24:19it's the
00:24:22first jolly
00:24:23boys outing
00:24:24July 1960
00:24:26there's
00:24:28Del
00:24:28about 15
00:24:29there's
00:24:30Trigger
00:24:30Boise
00:24:31Denzel
00:24:32what a bunch
00:24:33of mungs
00:24:34bloody
00:24:35hell
00:24:35no they
00:24:36look stupid
00:24:37that was
00:24:37the fashion
00:24:38there's
00:24:40your dad
00:24:40Reg
00:24:41oh yeah
00:24:42there's
00:24:43your grandfather
00:24:44there's
00:24:45me
00:24:45blimey
00:24:47Sid
00:24:47you look
00:24:48like an
00:24:48old
00:24:48git
00:24:49even in
00:24:49them
00:24:49days
00:24:50yeah
00:24:52I
00:24:54haven't
00:24:54really
00:24:54aged
00:24:55see you
00:24:57later
00:24:57Rodney
00:24:58I've
00:24:58got to
00:24:58go
00:24:58and get
00:24:59something
00:24:59to eat
00:24:59we do
00:25:00food
00:25:01here
00:25:01yeah
00:25:01I know
00:25:02I've
00:25:02tried
00:25:02it
00:25:02before
00:25:03fair
00:25:04enough
00:25:05sick
00:25:05can I
00:25:06borrow
00:25:06this
00:25:06so as I
00:25:07can get
00:25:07a copy
00:25:07made
00:25:07I'm gonna
00:25:08get it
00:25:08blown up
00:25:09and I'm
00:25:09gonna embarrass
00:25:10Dill
00:25:10with it
00:25:10for the rest
00:25:11of his
00:25:11life
00:25:11I want
00:25:12it back
00:25:13though
00:25:13yeah
00:25:13yeah
00:25:13of course
00:25:14there you
00:25:19go
00:25:19oh
00:25:20what
00:25:20oh
00:25:20what are you
00:25:22smirking
00:25:23it
00:25:23nothing
00:25:24alright
00:25:26Trigger
00:25:26nothing to
00:25:27report
00:25:27waiting
00:25:28for the
00:25:28glue
00:25:29to dry
00:25:29all right
00:25:32mum's the
00:25:32word
00:25:32I hope
00:25:34you're
00:25:34gonna be
00:25:34around
00:25:35on
00:25:35Saturday
00:25:35night
00:25:36it's
00:25:36a very
00:25:37special
00:25:37evening
00:25:38what is that
00:25:39the brewery
00:25:39giving us
00:25:40a new
00:25:40governor
00:25:40no
00:25:41somebody's
00:25:42booked
00:25:42the pub
00:25:43for a
00:25:43do
00:25:43and
00:25:44it's
00:25:45the
00:25:45first
00:25:45of my
00:25:46tribute
00:25:46nights
00:25:47I've
00:25:48got a
00:25:48couple
00:25:48of
00:25:48young
00:25:49singers
00:25:49from
00:25:49Newcastle
00:25:50they
00:25:51call
00:25:51themselves
00:25:51Lordy
00:25:52Geordy
00:25:53they
00:25:55do a
00:25:55tribute
00:25:56to
00:25:56Robson
00:25:57and
00:25:57Jerome
00:25:57why
00:26:01I
00:26:05didn't
00:26:05ask
00:26:05the
00:26:07first
00:26:08act
00:26:08on
00:26:08is
00:26:08a
00:26:09David
00:26:09Bowie
00:26:09tribute
00:26:10a
00:26:11carpenter
00:26:11calls
00:26:12himself
00:26:13Ziggy
00:26:14Sawdust
00:26:15make a note
00:26:19of that
00:26:19will you
00:26:19Rodney
00:26:20I can't
00:26:20miss
00:26:21this
00:26:21yeah
00:26:23sounds
00:26:23good
00:26:23doesn't
00:26:23it
00:26:24I've
00:26:29been
00:26:29thinking
00:26:29a good
00:26:30idea
00:26:31for one
00:26:31of our
00:26:31films
00:26:31here
00:26:32what's that
00:26:32well
00:26:33you know
00:26:35Denzel and
00:26:35Marlene
00:26:36running off
00:26:37together
00:26:37these two
00:26:38people who've
00:26:39known each
00:26:39other since
00:26:40their teens
00:26:41you know
00:26:41and hid
00:26:42their passion
00:26:43for each
00:26:43other
00:26:44and then
00:26:44when they
00:26:45reach middle
00:26:46age
00:26:46they can't
00:26:47contain it
00:26:48no longer
00:26:48so they
00:26:49rush into
00:26:50each other's
00:26:51arms
00:26:51but this
00:26:52is Denzel
00:26:53and Marlene
00:26:53I know
00:26:54we'll get
00:26:55someone nice
00:26:55though
00:26:56won't we
00:26:56yeah
00:26:57I can't
00:26:58do all
00:26:58that romance
00:26:59stuff
00:26:59I'm more
00:27:00into science
00:27:00fiction
00:27:00yeah
00:27:02I like
00:27:02all that
00:27:02as well
00:27:03Dave
00:27:03I mean
00:27:06you think
00:27:07about space
00:27:07it's everywhere
00:27:09isn't it
00:27:10you're right
00:27:13you can't
00:27:13move for it
00:27:14can you
00:27:14well I read
00:27:16something the
00:27:16other day
00:27:17that was
00:27:17very frightening
00:27:17scientists
00:27:19have just
00:27:19discovered
00:27:19this gigantic
00:27:20black hole
00:27:21right on the
00:27:22very edge
00:27:22of our
00:27:23galaxy
00:27:23and if
00:27:24our planet
00:27:24continues
00:27:25on its
00:27:25ever-widening
00:27:26orbit
00:27:27then eventually
00:27:28we'll be
00:27:28sucked into
00:27:29it and
00:27:29destroyed
00:27:30well I'll
00:27:31make sure
00:27:31I'm out
00:27:32that day
00:27:32so when
00:27:34is this
00:27:34going to
00:27:35happen
00:27:35they can't
00:27:39be too
00:27:39specific
00:27:40can they
00:27:41they can't
00:27:41sort of
00:27:41say
00:27:41Saturday
00:27:42the 12th
00:27:43of March
00:27:43at our
00:27:43past three
00:27:44can they
00:27:44no well
00:27:46you know
00:27:46they can
00:27:46give us
00:27:47an idea
00:27:47you know
00:27:48give or
00:27:48take a
00:27:48fortnight
00:27:49well
00:27:50roughly
00:27:51within
00:27:52two to
00:27:53three
00:27:53hundred
00:27:55million
00:27:56years
00:27:56oh we got
00:27:58time for a
00:27:59quick one
00:27:59then
00:27:59so what
00:28:03are they
00:28:03going to
00:28:03do about it
00:28:04Dave
00:28:04what are
00:28:07who going to
00:28:08do about it
00:28:09well the
00:28:09government
00:28:10well it's
00:28:12nothing
00:28:12they're going to
00:28:14send my
00:28:14calpines up
00:28:15with a
00:28:15spaceship full
00:28:16of bricks
00:28:16no they need
00:28:18more than
00:28:18one
00:28:19Dale I
00:28:23know you
00:28:24don't believe
00:28:24in all this
00:28:25UFO rubbish
00:28:26but I've
00:28:27been sitting
00:28:28here looking
00:28:28out of that
00:28:29window at the
00:28:29sky and I
00:28:31suddenly noticed
00:28:32a star
00:28:32well it's
00:28:33nitric it
00:28:34happens
00:28:35yeah but this
00:28:36star suddenly
00:28:37disappeared just
00:28:37for a split
00:28:38second and
00:28:39then it came
00:28:40back again
00:28:40and then it
00:28:41disappeared
00:28:42and then it
00:28:44came back
00:28:44again
00:28:44and then it
00:28:47disappeared
00:28:47and then it
00:28:49came back
00:28:50again
00:28:50do you think
00:28:53that's a close
00:28:53encounter
00:28:54no it's called
00:28:57blinking
00:28:58it's done it
00:29:03again look
00:29:04no missed
00:29:06it
00:29:06there it
00:29:14goes
00:29:14it's
00:29:20amazing
00:29:20isn't it
00:29:21eh
00:29:21dear
00:29:23god
00:29:24trotters
00:29:28independent
00:29:29traders
00:29:29yeah
00:29:32alright
00:29:33thank you
00:29:34we'll be
00:29:34right down
00:29:35there
00:29:35it's the
00:29:36manager of
00:29:37the soprano's
00:29:38pizza parlor
00:29:39we've found
00:29:40Denzel
00:29:41hey
00:29:50Denzel
00:29:51me old mate
00:29:52alright
00:29:53tell
00:29:54hi guys
00:29:55hi fellas
00:29:56how's it going
00:29:57yeah
00:29:57it's fine
00:29:58just a wee
00:29:59little worried
00:30:00about you
00:30:01me old mate
00:30:01don't worry
00:30:02about me
00:30:03I was just
00:30:03off
00:30:03no no
00:30:04you sit
00:30:04down
00:30:05sit down
00:30:05let's have
00:30:06a little
00:30:07chin
00:30:07wag
00:30:07eh
00:30:08there
00:30:10is there
00:30:15anything
00:30:15you'd like
00:30:16to tell
00:30:16us
00:30:16we promise
00:30:19we won't be
00:30:20judgmental
00:30:20these things
00:30:21happen
00:30:21who told you
00:30:23don't worry
00:30:24tell
00:30:25tell
00:30:25tell
00:30:25what did
00:30:25out
00:30:26yeah
00:30:27well
00:30:27once
00:30:28marlene
00:30:28went
00:30:28missing
00:30:29and so
00:30:29did
00:30:30you
00:30:30you
00:30:31didn't
00:30:31have
00:30:31to be
00:30:32jeremy
00:30:32paxton
00:30:33to work
00:30:33out
00:30:33that
00:30:34you
00:30:34don't
00:30:34love to
00:30:34get
00:30:35run
00:30:37off
00:30:37with
00:30:37marlene
00:30:38have
00:30:39you
00:30:39gone
00:30:39mad
00:30:39or
00:30:39what
00:30:40what
00:30:42have you
00:30:42been
00:30:42in
00:30:42well if you
00:30:43must know
00:30:43I've been
00:30:44in hospital
00:30:44hospital
00:30:45well was there
00:30:47something wrong
00:30:47with you then
00:30:48well yes of course
00:30:49there was something
00:30:49wrong with me
00:30:50look
00:30:52look I don't want to
00:30:55talk about it
00:30:56Del
00:30:56it's been with me
00:30:58for quite a while
00:30:59I didn't say anything
00:31:01to you or the others
00:31:02because
00:31:02well I just didn't
00:31:04want to admit it
00:31:05to myself
00:31:05finally the doctor
00:31:08said
00:31:08I've got to have
00:31:09the operation
00:31:10or
00:31:11or what
00:31:14Trigger you don't
00:31:18need to ask
00:31:18that question
00:31:19when a bloke
00:31:21says
00:31:21or
00:31:22you know
00:31:22what he means
00:31:23what
00:31:24look I've had
00:31:28the operation
00:31:29and I'm feeling
00:31:30better now
00:31:30it's just that
00:31:32the specialist
00:31:33said it could
00:31:33always return
00:31:34you know
00:31:35I've just got
00:31:36to live in hope
00:31:37look let's
00:31:40get a drink
00:31:41four beers
00:31:42please over here
00:31:43hey
00:31:45I didn't spot
00:31:46you not lurking
00:31:47over here
00:31:47how's it all
00:31:48going there
00:31:49alright
00:31:50you and
00:31:52me I've got
00:31:52mutual friend
00:31:53that young nurse
00:31:54that was looking
00:31:54after you
00:31:55Jolene
00:31:56I took her out
00:31:56for a couple
00:31:57of drinks
00:31:57she told me
00:31:58all about your case
00:31:59I don't believe this
00:32:01it's supposed to be
00:32:02confidential
00:32:03Mickey
00:32:04yeah well like I said
00:32:05she'd had a couple
00:32:05of drinks
00:32:06I don't envy you
00:32:07at all Denzel
00:32:08my old granddad
00:32:10suffered with piles
00:32:11piles
00:32:16you've had piles
00:32:19I always asked
00:32:20worried sick
00:32:21about you
00:32:21and all you'd
00:32:23got was a touch
00:32:24of the farmer
00:32:24Giles
00:32:25not piles
00:32:26Derek
00:32:27super piles
00:32:28all this fuss
00:32:30over a few
00:32:31hemorrhoids
00:32:32hemorrhoids
00:32:33they were more
00:32:34like asteroids
00:32:34surgeons said
00:32:37it was keyhole
00:32:38surgery
00:32:38forgot to say
00:32:40it was the keyhole
00:32:40to the tower
00:32:41of sodden
00:32:41London
00:32:42you want to see
00:32:44what he's done
00:32:44to me
00:32:45no thank you
00:32:46very much
00:32:47Denzel
00:32:47I'll just
00:32:48take your word
00:32:48for it
00:32:49so what's all this
00:32:51about Marlene
00:32:52then
00:32:52she's gone missing
00:32:53nobody's seen her
00:32:54for about a week
00:32:55no we thought
00:32:56she was having
00:32:56an affair
00:32:57it's funny you
00:32:59should say that
00:32:59you know
00:32:59because I was in
00:33:00town two weeks
00:33:01ago and I saw
00:33:02Marlene talking
00:33:03to this fella
00:33:03all dressed up
00:33:05low cut blouse
00:33:06high heels
00:33:08full make up
00:33:08the lot
00:33:09what's she seeing
00:33:11a bloke like that
00:33:12no not the
00:33:17he's talking
00:33:18about Marlene
00:33:19you are talking
00:33:21about her
00:33:21aren't you
00:33:22yeah
00:33:22so maybe
00:33:23Boisey found
00:33:24out Marlene
00:33:25was having
00:33:25an affair
00:33:26and then he
00:33:28took out
00:33:29a very large
00:33:30life insurance
00:33:31policy on her
00:33:32oh Boisey
00:33:39we just
00:33:39possibly thought
00:33:40we'd pop in
00:33:41oh
00:33:41well you
00:33:46must appreciate
00:33:47I'm a very
00:33:48busy man
00:33:48so
00:33:49what can I do
00:33:51for you
00:33:51well a cup of tea
00:33:52wouldn't go amiss
00:33:53oh
00:33:54so
00:33:55how's Marlene
00:33:56these days
00:33:56she's fine
00:33:58oh it's just
00:33:59we haven't seen her
00:34:00around lately
00:34:01no
00:34:02and that's because
00:34:03she's
00:34:04been away
00:34:06I'll put the kettle
00:34:09on
00:34:10I see
00:34:13she's done
00:34:13you don't know
00:34:15that
00:34:15what other
00:34:16explanation is
00:34:17there
00:34:17maybe she's
00:34:18staying with
00:34:18friends
00:34:19oh don't be
00:34:20stupid
00:34:21she's been
00:34:21missing for over
00:34:22a week
00:34:22who the hell's
00:34:23gonna have
00:34:23Marlene in their
00:34:24house for a week
00:34:25you'd be
00:34:27observing
00:34:27this could make
00:34:28a nice little
00:34:29film
00:34:29look we've got
00:34:31to be very
00:34:31careful about
00:34:32what we say
00:34:32we could be
00:34:33making a terrible
00:34:34mistake
00:34:35and one wrong
00:34:35word could cause
00:34:36a lot of pain
00:34:36and distress
00:34:37yes you're right
00:34:38subtlety is the
00:34:40order of the day
00:34:41absolutely
00:34:42well
00:34:48right well
00:34:50Boise
00:34:50I hope you
00:34:52won't take
00:34:53offence
00:34:54by what I'm
00:34:55about to say
00:34:55but
00:34:56me and
00:34:57Rodney
00:34:57think you've
00:34:58murdered Marlene
00:34:59and buried her
00:35:00in the garden
00:35:00beautiful
00:35:06how dare you
00:35:09murdered my
00:35:10wife
00:35:10and buried
00:35:11her in the garden
00:35:12I have never
00:35:12been so insulted
00:35:13in all my life
00:35:14you know how much
00:35:16I've spent on that
00:35:16garden
00:35:17you think I'm
00:35:17going to dig
00:35:17a lot of women
00:35:18I never thought
00:35:22of that
00:35:22so what have you
00:35:24done with her
00:35:24then
00:35:25I have done
00:35:26nothing with her
00:35:27she's upstairs
00:35:28what
00:35:29there you are
00:35:30see she's upstairs
00:35:31what else is there
00:35:32to say
00:35:32well dead or alive
00:35:34might help
00:35:35Marlene and I
00:35:38will be down
00:35:39the pub tonight
00:35:40then you will have
00:35:40all the proof
00:35:41you need
00:35:42inspectire
00:35:43now if you'll
00:35:45excuse me
00:35:46I have business
00:35:47to attend to
00:35:48see you later
00:35:58Marlene
00:35:58well she's
00:36:02I was probably
00:36:03asleep
00:36:04oh yeah
00:36:05oh yeah right
00:36:06see you later
00:36:08Marlene
00:36:09she's a deep
00:36:14sleeper
00:36:15she's dead
00:36:18to the world
00:36:19see you
00:36:22tonight
00:36:22boy see
00:36:23bonjour
00:36:25bonjour
00:36:26oh yeah
00:36:33oh yeah
00:36:34I was going to
00:36:39drop
00:36:40to my
00:36:40nature
00:36:41I
00:36:41D
00:36:42I
00:36:43What's all this?
00:37:13I got the idea from that little Spanish place in Fulham.
00:37:17That's tapas.
00:37:18This is, uh, well, it's not good, is it?
00:37:21This is English tapas.
00:37:23Does Mike know you're doing this?
00:37:25I mean, I know he's still inside, but it's still his pub.
00:37:28Michael said, treat the pub as if it were your own.
00:37:32That's just a figure of speech.
00:37:33You stay at someone's house, they say, treat it as your own.
00:37:37Yeah, doesn't mean to say you take a sledgehammer to build a thru lounge.
00:37:40Look, there it is. Take it or leave it.
00:37:42Oh, thank God, we've got a choice.
00:37:48Do you think Boyce will turn off?
00:37:50No, I shouldn't think he's halfway across Europe by now.
00:37:54Yeah, grab the insurance money and run.
00:37:56Good evening.
00:38:22I know what you have been saying about me, so I am here to prove you wrong.
00:38:29Would you please all greet my wife, Marlene?
00:38:31Good evening, everyone.
00:38:42Sorry about your hair, Marlene.
00:38:46This cost me a bloody fortune up west.
00:38:49You look like Brian May in a spin dryer.
00:38:53Tell him!
00:38:54Ignore him.
00:38:56If I may, my dear.
00:38:58I've got a feeling this is going to cause trouble.
00:39:15She's going to have someone's eye out.
00:39:17So that's where she's been for the last week or so.
00:39:33Uptown, getting a boob job.
00:39:35She has not had a boob job.
00:39:37Leave it out, Boycey.
00:39:39You brought a Fermi.
00:39:40I have not brought a Fermi.
00:39:42I'm going to call up, twicken them, and see if they've got a couple of bulbs missing.
00:39:47She has not had a boob job.
00:39:49That is all natural.
00:39:51Really?
00:39:52Well, she never used to have boobs as big as that.
00:39:55Now, the bloody order you know?
00:39:58You told me.
00:40:01Oh, yeah.
00:40:03So we've got a dress designer here, you know, who simply made the most of what was available.
00:40:07Oh, yeah.
00:40:07And who was that bloke that she was seen uptown with the other week?
00:40:11Oh, that bloke.
00:40:12Yeah, that bloke was, uh, well, that bloke was, uh, he was, uh, all right, that was her plastic surgeon.
00:40:20Ha, ha, there it comes out, eh?
00:40:23Hmm, I just thought it might bring us closer together.
00:40:25And I thought that'll have the opposite effect.
00:40:29Well, I bloody well hope not.
00:40:31It was four grand a boob.
00:40:33Well, how much that costs you, then?
00:40:34About eight grand, Trig.
00:40:40Ninety.
00:40:47I feel sorry for her.
00:40:48It must be horrible going round with a couple of big boobies.
00:40:51Raquel and I are used to it.
00:40:56Are they laughing at me?
00:40:58I'm rather just having a good time.
00:41:01We'll see about that.
00:41:02Raquel, I'm so glad you wore that dress again.
00:41:09It's always been one of my favourites.
00:41:12If you don't mind me, boys, we've got to collect the curtains from the cleaners.
00:41:17Oh, just listen.
00:41:18And her looking like one of those little women you put over toilet rolls.
00:41:22Did you hear what she said?
00:41:24Yes.
00:41:26Now, be fair, Raquel.
00:41:28Marley's made a big effort this evening.
00:41:29You could see a struggle's taken place.
00:41:34She's been in that bedroom for hours.
00:41:36Oh, shut up!
00:41:37No, no, I'm just trying to defend your honour.
00:41:41Leave it out, boys.
00:41:42You're trying to defend Marlene's honour.
00:41:44What have you got in the garden shed?
00:41:45A time machine.
00:41:47Just jealous, aren't you?
00:41:49Just because I can afford a bit of surgery for my 40th birthday.
00:41:5340th?
00:41:54When I first met you, you were pushing 40.
00:41:56For the last few years, you've been towing it.
00:42:00Right, that's it.
00:42:01Raquel, get out of the pub, you'll barred.
00:42:06What are you talking about, Sid?
00:42:08Eh?
00:42:09Um...
00:42:10No.
00:42:10Marlene, get out of the pub, you'll barred.
00:42:13Beg your pardon?
00:42:14Get off home and take your foster tits with you.
00:42:19Don't tell me what he just said.
00:42:22How dare you!
00:42:24Right, we'll finish our drinks and then we'll...
00:42:26You will not finish them.
00:42:27You'll get out now.
00:42:28Right.
00:42:29Come along, Marlene.
00:42:30I've never been so insulted in my life.
00:42:36Sid, far be it from me to interfere,
00:42:38but I think you're taking this landlord lark a bit too seriously.
00:42:41You're like Mussolini in a local harvester.
00:42:45I'm running this pub now.
00:42:47I don't think you should have banned Boise and Marlene.
00:42:50Oh, yes.
00:42:51And why is that?
00:42:52Because it's their anniversary due.
00:43:00Excuse me.
00:43:01I am paying for all this.
00:43:04Right.
00:43:05Drinks all round.
00:43:06Hey!
00:43:11All right, Raquel, where are you?
00:43:28You rotten, lying, devious, cheating man.
00:43:37Have I upset you, sweetheart?
00:43:39I found that letter from the official receiver.
00:43:41Ah, right, yeah.
00:43:43I've come back home to talk to you about that.
00:43:45You lied to me!
00:43:47And you've lied to Rodney about those letters.
00:43:49What letters?
00:43:50Hmm?
00:43:52Oh.
00:43:54All right, all right.
00:43:55These letters.
00:43:59Cartwright, Cartwright and Cartwright solicitous of law.
00:44:03Dale, there must be ten letters here.
00:44:04I know.
00:44:05It looks worse than it is.
00:44:06Yes, because half of them are Rodneys.
00:44:09You've been hiding my personal correspondence.
00:44:12I just wanted to take the pressure off you.
00:44:14That was all, because you got Cassandra and the baby.
00:44:17And you didn't tell me that this flat is being auctioned in ten days' time.
00:44:21No, well, you had all that ironing.
00:44:26It's just been one bit of bad news after the other.
00:44:30I was just trying to protect you all.
00:44:32That was all.
00:44:32You're just a control freak, Derek.
00:44:34To you, other people don't matter, do they?
00:44:36That is not true, sweetheart.
00:44:37You just step over them like they don't exist.
00:44:39And what do they do in return?
00:44:41They love you so much, they all try to help you,
00:44:44and you just throw it back in their faces.
00:44:46Oh, they all try to help me, yeah.
00:44:48What was it that you wanted me to do?
00:44:50Ask Boise for a loan?
00:44:52That's about the same as joining the Moonies.
00:44:54Then I've got Rodney here trying to write
00:44:56Freddy Krueger and the Chocolate Factory
00:44:58and Trigger back at his place,
00:45:00scratching his arse with a chopstick.
00:45:02All these people are supposed to help me.
00:45:07You ungrateful sod.
00:45:11Well, at least I didn't suggest
00:45:12forming a Hollywood film company.
00:45:15You're going to wish that you'd never said that, Rodney.
00:45:18Just bringing up a pertinent point.
00:45:20No, pal, that's more like bringing up a furball.
00:45:23You were going to form a Hollywood film company?
00:45:26You see, you see, you see.
00:45:27No, not me, him, Rodney, that's what.
00:45:29He wanted to make this film
00:45:31about an uninhabited desert island
00:45:33with a tribe of cavemen living on it.
00:45:36Well, how's it uninhabited, then?
00:45:38I don't know.
00:45:39And then this jumbo jet lands
00:45:41with a load of other people on board.
00:45:42A jumbo jet?
00:45:44And where's the runway come from?
00:45:46Well, I don't know.
00:45:48What's all this noise?
00:45:50Oh, Cassandra, you've got to hear the latest
00:45:52from these two morons.
00:45:53They're going to make their own Hollywood film.
00:45:56What was it, Del?
00:45:57They land on an uninhabited island
00:45:58and a jumbo jet.
00:46:00Who do?
00:46:01Mel Gibson and Julia Roberts.
00:46:03It's his idea.
00:46:04He wanted Julia Roberts.
00:46:05Oh, yeah, but he wanted Liz Hurley and Jordan.
00:46:08How can you land a jumbo jet
00:46:09on an uninhabited island?
00:46:11Where's the runway come from?
00:46:13Ha-ha.
00:46:13Yeah.
00:46:14Oh, I don't know.
00:46:15I'll ask him.
00:46:16Here.
00:46:16Seth will be demented.
00:46:17I don't know.
00:46:24You see?
00:46:25Well, maybe Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble,
00:46:28they knocked it out, didn't they, one weekend, eh?
00:46:30And who was going to produce this masterpiece,
00:46:33as if I need ask?
00:46:34Oh, well, exactly, yeah.
00:46:36Alfred Stopcock here.
00:46:39So while we're worrying ourselves sick,
00:46:42these two are getting drunk
00:46:43and dreaming of making a Hollywood film.
00:46:45Aren't you just glad you made sacrifices for them?
00:46:48Now, just listen to me, Raquel.
00:46:50No, you listen to me, Derek.
00:46:52You've got to make contact with reality, Del.
00:46:55Everything with you is image.
00:46:57I saw you down the pub last night.
00:46:59We're broke,
00:47:00and you are throwing money around like Elton John.
00:47:02And instead of grinding work,
00:47:04you prefer to sit in this recycled council flat
00:47:07pretending to be Quentin Tarantino.
00:47:09And when we go out in the Capri,
00:47:11you insist on having the windows wound up,
00:47:12even in a heatwave,
00:47:14just to make other drivers think you've got air conditioning.
00:47:18Well, I know I'm not perfect.
00:47:19Oh, God!
00:47:21That is the understatement of the year.
00:47:24Unless a miracle happens in ten days' time,
00:47:27my son and I are going to be living in some
00:47:29flea-bitten bed and breakfast
00:47:31in downtown Sodoffsville.
00:47:32Well, if it's a miracle you want,
00:47:35then I'm your man, aren't I?
00:47:36I'm chairman of Miracles Are Us.
00:47:38You're a man, Del.
00:47:40You'll never understand.
00:47:41Just remember one thing.
00:47:43Only women bleed.
00:47:45God blimey!
00:47:46Only women bleed!
00:47:48Gordon Bennett!
00:47:53I am not a control freak.
00:47:56It's just that I have had no choice.
00:47:58Do you realise that when I was sixteen,
00:48:02my old man walked out
00:48:04and left me and Rodney
00:48:05in the care of our daft old grandad?
00:48:08He tried his best,
00:48:10but he wasn't up to it.
00:48:13So I had to take over.
00:48:15And I've been doing it ever since,
00:48:16and I can't get out of the habit.
00:48:18I'm going to have a lie down.
00:48:34All right?
00:48:37Oh, yeah.
00:48:38Yeah, fine.
00:48:40Raquel and I have had a quiet little chat.
00:48:42Yeah, I heard.
00:48:58You've got somewhere to stay?
00:48:59You know, after the auction.
00:49:01Well, Trigger said I could
00:49:04doss down at his place.
00:49:05There's not much room, you know.
00:49:07What with all those
00:49:08X-File videos and chopsticks.
00:49:13Dear.
00:49:14Women.
00:49:15Do you know what Raquel said?
00:49:17She said,
00:49:17only women bleed.
00:49:19God blimey.
00:49:20She ought to be outside
00:49:21the Nags Head on a Saturday night.
00:49:24They reckon they're the only ones
00:49:25who suffer.
00:49:26They don't know what it's like
00:49:27to be a bloke.
00:49:28I mean, they worry about their PMT.
00:49:31Well, us men, we worry about...
00:49:34Our MOT?
00:49:35Yes.
00:49:36Do they listen to us?
00:49:39No, they don't.
00:49:40No, they don't.
00:49:42She'll never meet another bloke like me,
00:49:44will she?
00:49:45Huh?
00:49:46No.
00:49:49Well, that's it, really.
00:49:51I mean, that is it.
00:49:51You know, once the...
00:49:53Once the flat is auctioned,
00:49:55that's it, we'll split up,
00:49:56we'll go our separate ways.
00:49:58I won't see her again.
00:50:00Oh, Del, don't say that.
00:50:01No, no, no.
00:50:02That's it, Rodney.
00:50:03She won't be able to get round me
00:50:04because, you know,
00:50:05when my mind is made up, pal,
00:50:07my mind is made up.
00:50:11Del?
00:50:13Yes?
00:50:14I just said
00:50:16I'm going for a lie down.
00:50:18No, she's...
00:50:31She's all right,
00:50:33and she's with me, really.
00:50:36She's lovely.
00:50:37I mean, she...
00:50:38Eh?
00:50:41Yeah, she's lovely.
00:50:42I mean, she's lovely.
00:51:12You're not really with me tonight, are you?
00:51:27Sorry.
00:51:28Just thinking.
00:51:30Look,
00:51:30I know you're worried about losing the flat,
00:51:33but my mum and dad said
00:51:34we're welcome to stay there
00:51:34as long as we like.
00:51:36I know you and my mum don't...
00:51:38Yeah, that's great.
00:51:39Thanks.
00:51:39Thanks.
00:51:39All right.
00:51:44All right.
00:51:45What's wrong?
00:51:46I think I'm...
00:51:47I'm just not angry.
00:51:48Rodney,
00:51:49I refuse to have this baby
00:51:50until you tell me.
00:51:53Take a look at this.
00:51:56It's a jolly boy's out
00:51:57into Margate,
00:51:58July 1960.
00:52:00Oh,
00:52:00this is great!
00:52:03Is that Del?
00:52:04Yeah.
00:52:05Fifteen.
00:52:07And Trigger.
00:52:07Oh, look at Trigger.
00:52:10Keep looking.
00:52:11That must be Boise.
00:52:12Those eyes.
00:52:14And Denzel.
00:52:15Look at his hair.
00:52:17Yeah.
00:52:18Keep looking.
00:52:20There's your grandad.
00:52:21Aw.
00:52:21And there's you.
00:52:26Yeah, there's me.
00:52:30July,
00:52:301960.
00:52:32Before I was born.
00:52:43Well,
00:52:43where is everyone?
00:52:45I'm in the bathroom.
00:52:47Dinner's in the oven.
00:52:48Oh,
00:52:49all right.
00:52:56Fridge ball.
00:53:05Oh,
00:53:06dear,
00:53:06oh,
00:53:07dear.
00:53:11Bloody
00:53:11hell.
00:53:14So,
00:53:15who is he?
00:53:17He's my father.
00:53:19But your father is...
00:53:21My real father.
00:53:23My biological old man.
00:53:27I've had my suspicions
00:53:28for years,
00:53:29you know.
00:53:30People tried to convince me
00:53:32it was just my imagination.
00:53:36His name was
00:53:37Freddy the Frog.
00:53:39He'd been a
00:53:40Royal Navy diver,
00:53:41hence the nickname,
00:53:42you know.
00:53:42him and my mum
00:53:44were
00:53:44friends.
00:53:48Are you
00:53:49absolutely certain?
00:53:50Look at the
00:53:51photo, Cass.
00:53:53We don't need
00:53:54DNA with this one.
00:54:01All right?
00:54:03What's the first
00:54:04name that
00:54:04springs to learn?
00:54:06Well,
00:54:06Rodney.
00:54:09Exactly.
00:54:10Rodney.
00:54:13Who is he?
00:54:16His name was
00:54:17Freddy Robdall.
00:54:19He was a mate
00:54:20of my dad's.
00:54:22See,
00:54:22my mum was having
00:54:23a, well,
00:54:24a rough time
00:54:25with the old man.
00:54:26He was very
00:54:26handy,
00:54:28if you know what I mean,
00:54:29with women.
00:54:30Not much cop
00:54:31when it came to men,
00:54:32but,
00:54:33you know,
00:54:33he was a real
00:54:34hard nut
00:54:34with women
00:54:35and kids.
00:54:36Anyway,
00:54:37one day my dad
00:54:38brought his
00:54:38Freddy Robdall home
00:54:39and him and my mum,
00:54:40well,
00:54:40they got on like
00:54:41house on fire,
00:54:42didn't they?
00:54:43You know,
00:54:43the same taste
00:54:44in music
00:54:45and,
00:54:46well,
00:54:47everything.
00:54:48And what was he,
00:54:49this Freddy Robdall?
00:54:51He was a
00:54:52gentleman safecracker.
00:54:54They called him
00:54:55the Raffles of Peckham.
00:54:58People have mentioned
00:54:59him before
00:54:59and we sounded
00:55:00similar,
00:55:01you know.
00:55:02He was a connoisseur
00:55:03of fine wines,
00:55:05gourmet of
00:55:05international cuisine,
00:55:07real snappy dresser,
00:55:09big time charmer.
00:55:11So how are you
00:55:12similar?
00:55:16We're about
00:55:17the same height.
00:55:19So where's
00:55:20Freddy the Frog
00:55:22or Daddy now?
00:55:23He's dead.
00:55:25Back in 64
00:55:27he was breaking
00:55:27into a safe
00:55:28and he sat
00:55:29on the detonator.
00:55:30He sat
00:55:31on the detonator?
00:55:33Why?
00:55:34Well,
00:55:35I think it's
00:55:35what's known
00:55:35in the underworld
00:55:36as an accident.
00:55:42And you've
00:55:42known all
00:55:43these years?
00:55:45No.
00:55:46Well,
00:55:47at least not
00:55:47when Rodney
00:55:48was a baby
00:55:49but when you
00:55:50get to 20
00:55:51and your six-year-old
00:55:52brother is taller
00:55:53than you are
00:55:54makes you think,
00:55:55doesn't it?
00:55:55I never knew
00:55:59really who he was.
00:56:00As a youngster
00:56:01I was told
00:56:02to call him
00:56:02Uncle Fred.
00:56:04And then one night
00:56:05a few years back
00:56:06Uncle Albert
00:56:08got drunk
00:56:08at an old folks
00:56:09do
00:56:09there was a
00:56:11wet corset contest.
00:56:15And anyway,
00:56:16he told me
00:56:17all about
00:56:18Freddie
00:56:19and my mum.
00:56:22You know.
00:56:25I don't know
00:56:25whether you noticed
00:56:26but there are
00:56:27no photographs
00:56:28of my mum
00:56:29in this house.
00:56:31Except for a couple
00:56:31of close-ups
00:56:32I gave to Rodney.
00:56:34Well, yeah,
00:56:35but I assumed
00:56:35your dad
00:56:36had taken them
00:56:36when he left.
00:56:37No, I used to
00:56:38think that.
00:56:39He only used to
00:56:40take money
00:56:40and things
00:56:41that he could sell.
00:56:43And then
00:56:43Uncle Albert
00:56:44told me
00:56:45it was my
00:56:48Aunt Rean
00:56:48who dealt
00:56:50with it
00:56:50just after
00:56:51mum's funeral.
00:56:53You see,
00:56:54every photograph
00:56:55in this house
00:56:56had a picture
00:56:57of Freddie
00:56:57Robdall in it.
00:57:00My Aunt Rean
00:57:00knew that
00:57:01as Rodney
00:57:02got older
00:57:02people would
00:57:03see the
00:57:04Stimularities,
00:57:06you know what?
00:57:08So she took
00:57:08them out
00:57:09and burnt them.
00:57:10Do you think
00:57:11Rodney knows?
00:57:14Well, he's never
00:57:15been very observant,
00:57:16has he?
00:57:17Yeah.
00:57:19Ain't got a clue.
00:57:22Do you think
00:57:22Dale knows
00:57:23anything about
00:57:23all this?
00:57:25He would have
00:57:25said it.
00:57:27You're going
00:57:27to tell him?
00:57:29No.
00:57:32He'll break
00:57:32his heart.
00:57:37Will you
00:57:38say anything
00:57:38to Rodney?
00:57:41I can't.
00:57:43It'd
00:57:44break his
00:57:44heart.
00:57:59Here,
00:58:00we've got to
00:58:00see.
00:58:02Oh,
00:58:02right.
00:58:04What do you think
00:58:05he wants?
00:58:06You've asked
00:58:07me that
00:58:08a hundred
00:58:08times and
00:58:09a hundred
00:58:10times I've
00:58:10said I
00:58:11don't bloody
00:58:11know.
00:58:13Well,
00:58:13think out,
00:58:13Derek.
00:58:14We don't want
00:58:14to go in
00:58:15there unarmed.
00:58:16If we know
00:58:17what you did,
00:58:17then we can
00:58:18have our
00:58:18excuses ready.
00:58:19I've done
00:58:21nothing but
00:58:21think.
00:58:23All I know
00:58:24is that
00:58:24every business
00:58:25decision,
00:58:26every tactical
00:58:27move that
00:58:28I've ever
00:58:28made,
00:58:28we've already
00:58:29been done
00:58:30for.
00:58:32Oh,
00:58:32it's
00:58:32probably
00:58:34nothing.
00:58:35Dale,
00:58:36solicitors don't
00:58:36send you
00:58:37ten letters
00:58:38for nothing.
00:58:39No,
00:58:39this is
00:58:39something.
00:58:40And my
00:58:41instincts say
00:58:41it's
00:58:41something bad.
00:58:42we're going
00:58:47to go to
00:58:47prison,
00:58:47aren't we?
00:58:48Oh,
00:58:48shut up,
00:58:48you type.
00:58:49We're not
00:58:49going to
00:58:49go to
00:58:49prison.
00:58:51Cassandra's
00:58:51going to
00:58:51be bringing
00:58:52my baby
00:58:52to visit
00:58:53me in
00:58:53Wormwood
00:58:53Scrums.
00:58:55Oi,
00:58:56and you
00:58:56know the
00:58:56fun and
00:58:57games they
00:58:57get up to
00:58:58in prison,
00:58:58don't you?
00:58:59Well,
00:59:00you can
00:59:00guarantee
00:59:00I'm going
00:59:00to be a
00:59:01prime target.
00:59:04Well,
00:59:05I hope
00:59:05they put us
00:59:06in separate
00:59:06cells,
00:59:07you depressing
00:59:08git.
00:59:09Well,
00:59:10how do you
00:59:10expect me to
00:59:11feel?
00:59:11A few
00:59:12weeks from
00:59:12now,
00:59:12I could
00:59:13be
00:59:13someone's
00:59:13bitch.
00:59:17Some
00:59:17great big
00:59:18ugly
00:59:18geezer's
00:59:19going to
00:59:19choose me
00:59:19to be
00:59:20his
00:59:20special
00:59:21friend.
00:59:23All you've
00:59:23got to say
00:59:24is,
00:59:24Oi,
00:59:25none of
00:59:25that.
00:59:27You say,
00:59:28I'll look
00:59:28after you,
00:59:29Rodney,
00:59:30and he'll
00:59:30lend me his
00:59:30Rolling Stone
00:59:31CD,
00:59:32and then we'll
00:59:32be engaged.
00:59:34Well,
00:59:35at least we'll
00:59:35have a little
00:59:35bit of a
00:59:36party then,
00:59:36won't we?
00:59:38I'm going
00:59:39to ask to
00:59:39be put in
00:59:40solitary confinement.
00:59:41No,
00:59:41no,
00:59:42no,
00:59:42don't do
00:59:42that,
00:59:43because you
00:59:43don't want
00:59:43a reputation
00:59:44as a tease.
00:59:49You're
00:59:49enjoying this,
00:59:50aren't you?
00:59:51No,
00:59:51look,
00:59:52just listen to me,
00:59:53will you?
00:59:53Don't be.
00:59:54The lawyer has
00:59:54asked us to come
00:59:55in there and have
00:59:56a little chat,
00:59:56and this,
00:59:57whatever it is,
00:59:58is a civil
00:59:59matter.
01:00:00You only go to
01:00:01prison for a
01:00:02criminal offence.
01:00:04That means a
01:00:05police prosecution.
01:00:06do you see
01:00:07any Mr.
01:00:08Plodds around
01:00:09there?
01:00:10Yes.
01:00:11I'm so stupid,
01:00:13aren't I?
01:00:13I'll just let my
01:00:14imagination run
01:00:15away with itself
01:00:16and...
01:00:16But if the
01:00:20worst comes to
01:00:21the worst...
01:00:22All right,
01:00:23I'll go in the
01:00:24showers first.
01:00:25deal,
01:00:32I've been doing
01:00:33a bit of
01:00:33thinking lately.
01:00:34Mm-hmm.
01:00:36Well,
01:00:36you know that
01:00:36photo that Sid
01:00:38lent me?
01:00:40Gentlemen,
01:00:42Mr. Cartwright
01:00:42will see you now.
01:00:55Ah, gentlemen,
01:00:57please take a
01:00:58seat.
01:00:59So, at last
01:01:01we meet.
01:01:02You two have
01:01:03proved to be
01:01:04very elusive.
01:01:05I've been writing
01:01:06to you for three
01:01:06months now,
01:01:07not one word of
01:01:07reply.
01:01:08Yes, sorry
01:01:09about that.
01:01:09We've been a bit
01:01:10busy.
01:01:11Yeah, we've had
01:01:11a few problems,
01:01:13you know, recently.
01:01:15Yes, I heard.
01:01:16I took the liberty
01:01:17of speaking to your
01:01:17solicitor.
01:01:18He related a tale
01:01:19of woe to me.
01:01:20Yeah, well,
01:01:21the international
01:01:22stock market can
01:01:23be a fickle
01:01:24thing.
01:01:24No, I was
01:01:26referring to his
01:01:27unpaid bill.
01:01:29Oh, er, yeah,
01:01:31we were discussing
01:01:32that out in your
01:01:32waiting room,
01:01:33and it's in the
01:01:34post.
01:01:35Yes, I'm sure.
01:01:36Um, let's attend
01:01:37to the matter at
01:01:37hand.
01:01:38Look, can't you
01:01:38just cut to the
01:01:39chase and tell us
01:01:40the worst?
01:01:41Yes, you tell us
01:01:42what you're suing us
01:01:43for, and we'll tell
01:01:44you why we can't
01:01:45pay.
01:01:47Mr. Trostle,
01:01:48you seem to be
01:01:48under entirely the
01:01:49wrong impression.
01:01:50Did you not read
01:01:51any of my letters?
01:01:52I said I had
01:01:53something that may
01:01:54be of interest to
01:01:55you.
01:01:56My firm acted as
01:01:57solicitors for your
01:01:58great uncle, Albert
01:01:59Gladstone Trotter.
01:02:00Oh, no.
01:02:03All right.
01:02:04What did he do?
01:02:07Well, nothing as far
01:02:08as I know.
01:02:08this is a reading of
01:02:11his last will and
01:02:12testament.
01:02:14Albert left the
01:02:14will.
01:02:15Indeed.
01:02:15He didn't have
01:02:16nothing.
01:02:17Well, not quite.
01:02:19I understand that
01:02:19when you came into
01:02:20your fortune, you
01:02:21made Albert a very
01:02:23generous gift.
01:02:24Yeah, well, I mean,
01:02:25we saw that he was
01:02:26all right, but that
01:02:27would be, well, you
01:02:29know, what, six years
01:02:30ago.
01:02:31He'd probably blown
01:02:32all that.
01:02:33Well, not entirely.
01:02:35As you know, Albert
01:02:36lived a very simple
01:02:37life.
01:02:38He didn't buy
01:02:38properties or
01:02:39Rolls Royces, didn't
01:02:41care for Caribbean
01:02:42holidays or Hawaiian
01:02:44cruises.
01:02:45He simply invested
01:02:46your gift, and with
01:02:47respect, in a far more
01:02:49stable area than you
01:02:50managed to.
01:02:51All his investments
01:02:52were blue chip.
01:02:53Not very exciting, but
01:02:54stable, and bringing in
01:02:55a small but regular
01:02:57interest.
01:02:58Anyway, he's left his
01:02:59entire estate to you.
01:03:01Now, before I do the
01:03:02legal reading, let's, as
01:03:04you say, cut to the
01:03:05chase, after death
01:03:06duties, he has left
01:03:07you the sum of
01:03:08£145,000.
01:03:15Each.
01:03:26Yes, hello?
01:03:30Raquel!
01:03:31Raquel!
01:03:32You'll never get
01:03:33saved.
01:03:34It was all about
01:03:35Uncle Albert, his
01:03:36will.
01:03:37We're on our way.
01:03:42Right.
01:03:43She's in delivery,
01:03:44room 10.
01:03:46I don't know if I can
01:03:47fight sticks.
01:03:47Of course you can,
01:03:48Rodney.
01:03:49You've got to be there
01:03:50for her birth.
01:03:51Otherwise, you'll never
01:03:52forgive yourself.
01:03:54No, no, you're right.
01:03:55Here you are.
01:03:57This is it.
01:03:58This is it.
01:03:59Come on, give us a
01:04:00coat, give us a coat.
01:04:00That's it.
01:04:02Good boy.
01:04:03Good boy.
01:04:04Right.
01:04:04Go on, then.
01:04:14Oh, bloody hell.
01:04:17I'm sorry.
01:04:21I'm really, really sorry.
01:04:22What are you playing at, Pat?
01:04:24My wife's in there having a
01:04:25baby and you're just
01:04:25wandering in for a look.
01:04:27I don't look like that.
01:04:28I was, I'm sorry.
01:04:31You're perfect.
01:04:37It was room 16, not 10.
01:04:41I've only got a punch on the
01:04:42mouth.
01:04:42Just shut up, you
01:04:44to heart.
01:04:44Come on.
01:04:50Pardon me.
01:04:51I can't be there for the birth.
01:04:52You can't be there for the
01:04:53birth.
01:04:54What?
01:04:59They've had to give Cassandra
01:05:00a caesarean section.
01:05:02What's happened to my baby?
01:05:04The baby's already been
01:05:05delivered and mother and
01:05:07child are fine.
01:05:14Mr. Trotter.
01:05:15Are you all right, sweetheart?
01:05:31Yeah.
01:05:31I've never felt better in all
01:05:33my life.
01:05:33Oh.
01:05:34Oh.
01:05:34Oh.
01:05:34Oh.
01:05:35Oh.
01:05:35Oh.
01:05:35Oh.
01:05:35Oh.
01:05:36Oh.
01:05:37Oh.
01:05:37Oh.
01:05:38Oh.
01:05:39Oh.
01:05:39Oh.
01:05:40Oh.
01:05:41Oh.
01:05:42Oh.
01:05:43Oh.
01:05:44Oh.
01:05:45Oh.
01:05:45Well?
01:05:49What do you reckon?
01:05:52She's like a work of art.
01:05:56Yeah.
01:05:58Lovely chubbly.
01:06:00What are you going to call her?
01:06:25I don't know yet.
01:06:27I mean, Cass had this agreement, you know, if it was a boy, she'd name him.
01:06:34If it was a girl, I could name her.
01:06:37You're not going to hold me to that, are you?
01:06:41Oh, yeah.
01:06:42What were you saying on the phone about Uncle Albert in the will?
01:07:04Oh, I'll explain it all later.
01:07:10All I'm going to tell you is that the auctioneers can go and stuff themselves because we are staying put.
01:07:24Yeah?
01:07:24Yeah.
01:07:43A work of art.
01:07:45Yes, you are.
01:07:49I don't know.
01:08:19Did he love him? Did he love you? I hope he made you happy. You know, a few laughs. I've got two photos of you. But that's it. That's my past. My history is two photos. One of them's blurred. Don't matter.
01:08:49I hope she'll be as lovely as you. Well, she will.
01:08:59I wish I'd known you. I wish we'd had... well, you know, something to...
01:09:15If you bump into Uncle Albert, say thanks.
01:09:30Oh, here you are, Rodney. I wonder where you was. Been looking for you.
01:09:39Well, I just thought I'd take her out for a little walk, you know.
01:09:42Mm.
01:09:42Did a bit of tidying up.
01:09:43She's a little heartbreaker, isn't she, eh?
01:09:51Hey, you got a name for her yet?
01:09:54Hmm.
01:09:56What?
01:09:57Huh?
01:09:57Huh?
01:09:57Del, can I ask you a question?
01:10:27Yeah, what's that?
01:10:35Other than looks, was it like me in any way?
01:10:40Who?
01:10:42You know who?
01:10:44Freddy Robdall.
01:10:47My father.
01:10:51Freddy the Frog was a professional burglar.
01:10:55He was disloyal to his friends.
01:10:59He was a womaniser, a homebreaker, a conman, a thief, a liar and a cheat.
01:11:07So no, Rodney.
01:11:09You're nothing like him.
01:11:15Come on. Let's go home, bruv.
01:11:25Can I ask you a question, Rodgers?
01:11:38Yeah, far away.
01:11:39Where did that runway come from?
01:11:45Well, I don't think he might get out of film anymore.
01:11:47You know what, Rodgers?
01:11:50It's a bloody good idea.
01:11:52LAUGHTER
01:11:53APPLAUSE
01:11:54We've got some art prize practice
01:12:00And miles and miles of capital
01:12:02Teeth and food foods and baby bonnie open
01:12:05Oven fultures whistling
01:12:07And never push and treasure points
01:12:09We'll check since from a mission
01:12:10Shepherds Bush
01:12:11Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
01:12:13From Beckingham Palace to Madrid
01:12:16A year with Posh and Bex
01:12:18Courtesy of Alistair McGowan and...