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00:30Just thought we'd be travelling, is it?
00:38Yes.
00:39That's fine.
00:40Is there any baggage you want to check in?
00:41You just pop it on the conveyor belt for me, please.
01:00I think you're going to have to pay some excess baggage.
01:04There's nothing to do.
01:12Oh.
01:13I didn't know you were invited.
01:16I, uh, I wasn't.
01:18No.
01:18You think I want to be invited to such a low-class party as this?
01:22I'm mainly a gatecrash to spit in the samosas.
01:26Well, they weren't expecting me either.
01:30In fact, I climbed in through the bathroom window
01:32and told everyone I was a mate of Kevin's.
01:36I've been sick in a bedroom.
01:37Me too.
01:38And I got off with someone under the courts.
01:42Still very brave of you to show your face.
01:46Why?
01:47Oh, I just hear that your son is living with his girlfriend.
01:52I'm surprised the news is being discussed
01:54down at the dog track.
01:58So, living with a woman and not married.
02:01Funny, I don't remember anything in the Gita about that one.
02:05Very, uh, new labour.
02:07Very anti-fox hunting.
02:09Your information is incorrect, as per usual.
02:13My son is not living with his girlfriend.
02:14He's living with several girlfriends.
02:17My son is a stud.
02:18Is that so?
02:23Mm-hmm.
02:24And he's dripping with honeys.
02:27Well, of course.
02:29Honeys.
02:30My son has his fair share of skirt, too, and no mistake.
02:34Hmm.
02:34So he talks the talk, but does he walk the walk?
02:38I don't think so.
02:40I bet he doesn't have a shag palace like myself.
02:44No, he doesn't.
02:45He doesn't need one, because he usually does the beast with two backs round at their place.
02:49So, they don't know where he lives, and he can leave before they wake up.
02:53Ooh, wake up?
02:56My son doesn't let them go to sleep.
03:00He pounds away at them through the night, one hand breaking down their sweaty back, the
03:05other speed-dialing a cab.
03:10Ah, only one cab.
03:13My son requires a fleet of cabs to transport the sweaty, massive, sticky bodies that nightly
03:20cling to his water belt, like survivors from some erotic shipwreck.
03:24Well, dadi dadi, have you heard about Sky's new television series, My Son's Bedroom Uncovered?
03:31My son is known as the Prince of Punani.
03:36And his little black book was used by BT to compile their last phone directory.
03:41Well, according to the latest census, my son has officially slept with every single girl
03:47in the whole of Great Britain.
03:49Really?
03:50Well, how big is his dundah?
03:51You tell me!
04:01This house, near Calcutta, India, is home to one of the greatest filmmakers of the 20th century.
04:07Ratchajit Tse's work has been recognised by film academics the world over for its incisive
04:13but complex portrayal of a society in decline.
04:20But we began our conversation on a contentious note.
04:26Ratchajit, your films are incredibly powerful and cerebral tour de force.
04:31Yes, they are.
04:34But how do you count to critics who claim that your films are inaccessible and even obscure?
04:41I say...
04:42No!
04:43They're not!
04:48Perhaps your most famous film is The Drafts Game.
04:52Now, you once said that this film documented the decline in post-partition India.
04:56Now, how does it do that exactly?
04:57Well, what you have to remember is that the game of drafts is symbolic.
05:04The decline in Indian society happens in the backdrop.
05:08It occurs in the background.
05:11So, it's in the subtext?
05:13No!
05:14In the background, you pargal!
05:16The two people in the background.
05:20And they represent the decline in post-partition India?
05:24Two...
05:24Clubs.
05:25Clubs.
05:28Right, well, how do you respond to critics who say that your use of symbolism is also obscure?
05:34Like this.
05:35Ooh.
05:35Ooh.
05:36Ooh.
05:36Ooh.
05:37Ooh.
05:37Ooh.
05:38Ooh.
05:38Ooh.
05:39Ooh.
05:39Ooh.
05:40Ooh.
05:40Ooh.
05:41Ooh.
05:42Ooh.
05:43Ooh.
05:44Ooh.
05:45Hello!
05:46Also again.
05:47Yes.
05:48How many items this time?
05:50Oh, just the two suitcases.
05:52I think you'll find they are underweight.
05:53Right.
05:54And what about all that stuff?
05:57I'm mortgage.
05:58I know it's really old-fashioned, but I think it's really important to get to know a girl's
06:05family and that when you're starting a relationship.
06:07Aww.
06:08That's so sweet.
06:09Yeah.
06:10That's why I'm sleeping with your sister, innit?
06:14Ooh.
06:15That's so sweet.
06:16Okay.
06:17Ah.
06:18Yeah.
06:19Check, please.
06:20Mom, Dad, I'm going out with my friends.
06:21I'll see you later.
06:22Alright?
06:23Okay, betta.
06:24What did you say?
06:26I'm going to hang out with my friends.
06:28Friends?
06:29Why you want to hang out with your friends when I can make them at home for nothing?
06:35Let's go stand in the corner and be sulky.
06:38Mum!
06:39I know.
06:40Let's practice gobbing.
06:41it's not the same what not the same not the same look here i've got some alcohol pops let's drink
06:49it till we're sick and then go and steal things from your dad's shop i know let's talk like young
06:55african-americans yo homie booyaka mama this is really embarrassing look what i found your porn
07:05mag come on oh look at the bazookas on that mom will you just just leave him alone all right
07:14you're all dressed up going out with your friends too huh well i can make them at home as well
07:22oi my mate fancies you i'm not going out with my friends i've come to tell you that i'm leaving
07:30home i found a flat and i'm moving in with my boyfriend are you sure betty yes daddy i really
07:37need to do this but why well i need my freedom mama no no no why moving with your boyfriend when i can
07:45make him at home for nothing come on i'll sit here and i'll watch the football on telly while you go
07:50and make me my dinner and then i'll go upstairs and piss on the toilet seat and fart in bed
07:54what jeffrey's not like that come on baby let's get you up the duff then i can go down the pub and
08:02and use the milk tokens to buy lager and crisps what would jeffrey want dad can you please do
08:09something about her yes i can come on kids we're all going what i have a mistress in a love nest in
08:16norwich she's anglian and we're going to go and stay with her mistress you have a mistress
08:23mistress i can make at home come here a big boy oh you don't get many of them to a pound
08:31i love you long time okay kids get your coats we're leaving okay fine go see if i care i don't need
08:45anybody i don't need any family all i need three small old babies
08:53in the game of drafts one of your rare comedies you examine the decline in post-partition india
09:04yes but in a humorous way you see i took the pathos of chaplin the slapstick of bergman
09:13the social satire of the chuckle brothers
09:16so you see in the foreground you have your symbolic game of drafts while the comedy occurs
09:28in the background
09:29bloody funny bloody funny
09:35big in a wig at four o'clock
09:44hey isn't that serena mathura yeah the cellulite looks familiar
09:50god has she grown a beard no good damn it bullshit to hell yeah it's not a beard
09:57that's a facelift that went a little too far
10:01eww pubic chin factor awarder
10:06will passengers for flight 297 to zurich please make their way to pauling gates
10:14oh but you
10:15e3
10:22e3
10:23c3
10:27e3
10:29sending in Vanessa you frequent flyer
10:32what are you chaps doing here oh we've just seen our youngest off to finishing school
10:37in switzerland
10:37Switzerland.
10:38Quite right.
10:39What is he finishing?
10:41She is finishing potty training.
10:43She's almost three.
10:45We English don't like to keep our children clinging to our apron strings, you know.
10:50Quite right.
10:51That's why we sent our youngest boy off to Rodin when he was only two.
10:56Rodin?
10:57Isn't that a girl's school?
10:58Well, he got in.
11:00So, what are you fellows up to?
11:03I'm waiting for my mammaji and papaji.
11:07He means his mater and pater.
11:10Of course.
11:11Maker paper.
11:12Yes.
11:13We're a very close family.
11:16Dennis's parents visit at least three times a year.
11:19What a queer lot you are.
11:22Who are you calling queer?
11:25No, it's just that we English are never very close to our families, are we?
11:32That's right.
11:33What could be more English than to hate your in-laws?
11:35I knew that.
11:36I knew that.
11:37I knew that.
11:38I think that Charlotte's mother is a fat cow.
11:40Is Dennis's father the right brat?
11:43No.
11:44Well, I would never dream of visiting Vanessa's mother.
11:47She's a pig.
11:48She lived in that smelly, horrible little place.
11:51Actually, darling, I think she's bought a new house.
11:55No, I meant India.
11:57No.
11:58No.
11:59No.
12:00Absolutely.
12:01So, your parents are coming to stay with you in your house.
12:04Hmm.
12:05The extended family.
12:06How very ethnic.
12:08Not at all.
12:10There's nothing ethnic about it.
12:12They will be paying full rent.
12:14Rent is not included.
12:15Check out by 11.
12:16No petting in the shallow end.
12:17No tickety-boo with that, are they?
12:18Oh, yes.
12:19Dennis's parents are as English-ism as we are.
12:23I say.
12:24There they are.
12:25Yes.
12:26There they are.
12:27Come on, Dennis.
12:28Oh, Peter.
12:29Peter.
12:30Peter.
12:31Peter.
12:32You must be Sergita.
12:33Yeah.
12:34Ah!
12:35Ah!
12:36Ah!
12:37Ah!
12:38Ah!
12:39Ah!
12:40Ah!
12:41Ah!
12:42Ah!
12:43Ah!
12:44Ah!
12:45Ah!
12:46Ah!
12:47Ah!
12:48Ah!
12:49Ah!
12:50Ah!
12:51Ah!
12:52Ah!
13:00Ah!
13:01Can I help you?
13:02Just wanted you to see your weapons of hate before I set them alight.
13:06What are you talking about?
13:07I should've known it, man.
13:09Pharmacist.
13:10Take the letters F, A and M out and what are you left with?
13:13Racist.
13:14There is no F in pharmacist.
13:17I know!
13:19No, and there shouldn't be any effing pharmacist
13:23while you continue to stop crypto-imperialist skin products.
13:27Is it the suntan motion again?
13:29No.
13:31And you burnt all my skin-coloured sticky plasters.
13:33The white man's skin, Judas Patel, the white man's skin.
13:37No, this is another struggle.
13:39These weapons of white supremacy,
13:41these ointments of ethnic cleansing,
13:44these anti-Asian creams.
13:46Malki, these are anti-ageing cream.
13:53Ageing.
13:55Oh, right.
13:57Do you want your hammer-o-doin or not?
13:59Yes.
14:02Fascist!
14:06Hello!
14:08How many?
14:09One.
14:10Really?
14:10Yeah!
14:16Well, we came from a very traditional community,
14:21so we've had lots of pressures throughout our marriage.
14:25What sort of pressures?
14:26Well, the hardest thing for me...
14:29well, for us,
14:31is the tradition of no sex for the first six months of marriage.
14:36Is that really a tradition?
14:40Yes.
14:41I remember us, the Delhi students.
14:49Only now we're not students anymore.
14:53We've graduated.
14:54Yes!
14:55I'm an accountant,
14:56waiting to start work in my father's business.
14:59I'm a lawyer,
15:00waiting to start work in my father's business.
15:02I'm a structural engineer,
15:04waiting to start work in my father's business.
15:07I failed all my papers.
15:09I'm going into politics.
15:12Hooray!
15:15But before we all joined the rat race,
15:18we decided we wanted to put something back into society.
15:21Yes.
15:22To help those less fortunate than ourselves.
15:25So, we joined the voluntary service of India.
15:28Hooray!
15:29Hooray!
15:33The first problem facing any VSI worker
15:36is deciding where to do the most good.
15:38Yes, there are a lot of countries that need help,
15:41like South America,
15:42you know, where they've got shanty towns and street urchins.
15:45And Africa,
15:46with its terrible droughts and inadequate health care.
15:50And Eastern Europe,
15:51with its crumbling infrastructure and stodgy food.
15:55It is one country that has all these problems and more.
15:58Which is why we've all come to help out here in England!
16:01Hooray!
16:02Hooray!
16:08We have come here to a ramshackle clinic
16:11in the poverty-stricken village of Wolverhampton.
16:15Sadly, over the years,
16:16the government have neglected their health care.
16:18And now, for the poorest,
16:19health care is rudimentary at best.
16:21In fact,
16:22if it wasn't for places like India and Pakistan,
16:24there would be no doctors here at all.
16:27One of the tragedies of this country
16:31is that though for most of the year it rains continuously,
16:34during the hot summer month,
16:36there are droughts and water is in short supply.
16:39So,
16:40then we saw these poor guys digging a well,
16:43we decided to roll up our sleeves and muck in.
16:47It's thirsty work, I can tell you.
16:50Are we nearly there yet?
16:52Bye.
16:53Keep digging.
16:54You know,
17:01Britain used to be famous
17:02for its green and pleasant lands.
17:05But sadly now,
17:06most of it has been bought up
17:08by big foreign companies.
17:10Yeah, that's right.
17:12They build their factories here
17:13so they can exploit the cheap labour costs.
17:17So,
17:18another way that Britain can help itself
17:20is to cash in on the
17:21eco-tourism boom
17:23which is sweeping the globe.
17:25That's right.
17:26Gordon here is a warden here.
17:29But we're at one of the new game reserves,
17:31Epping Forest.
17:33Wow!
17:34He's finally agreed to show us around.
17:36Hurry!
17:37Hit it!
17:37Many of England's endangered species
17:44find a haven
17:45in this protected woodland here.
17:49That's right.
17:50Gordon here is going to show us
17:51some of the rarest.
17:53But we have to be very quiet.
17:54We don't want to startle them.
17:56Um,
17:57what exactly should we be looking for, Gordon?
18:00Well,
18:00it's Latin name
18:02is Califora vomitora.
18:04Wow!
18:05And what's that?
18:06It's a type of flower.
18:08Oh!
18:10Er,
18:11what colour is it?
18:13It's blue.
18:17Nope!
18:18Haven't seen one yet!
18:25Come any closer
18:26and we'll hurt you.
18:30So,
18:31how's it going
18:31with Danny Desai?
18:34I hear he's got
18:34the most enormous
18:36trust fund.
18:38I don't think so, darling.
18:41You don't mean...
18:42Yeah.
18:42Tiniest credit limit
18:44I have ever seen.
18:45Do you know,
18:46the other day
18:46he took me out to dinner
18:47and
18:47his card got refused.
18:50Wow!
18:51Well,
18:52that happens to some men
18:53apparently
18:54when they're tired and all.
18:55Yeah.
18:56I got really confused
18:57and embarrassed
18:58and...
18:59and I did something
19:00really stupid.
19:02You didn't.
19:04Yes.
19:05I paid for my own dinner.
19:08That's what.
19:11After the game of drafts
19:13came a commercial departure
19:14for you.
19:15Having previously shunned
19:16use of song and dance
19:17you decided in 1958
19:19that it could be
19:20a powerful tool.
19:22Well,
19:23I realise
19:24that there is a long
19:25tradition of storytelling
19:27through the dance.
19:29In India
19:29one thinks of
19:30Bharatnatyam,
19:32Kathak.
19:33In Europe
19:33you have your
19:34classical ballets
19:35like Swan Lake,
19:37Giselle.
19:39And in America
19:39of course
19:40Saturday Night Fever.
19:43But John Travolta?
19:44Precisely.
19:46You see,
19:47what do you have to remember?
19:47Yeah,
19:48the two people
19:48are symbolic
19:49and in the background
19:50post-partition society
19:51declines.
19:53But
19:53do a nice deal.
19:55LAUGHTER
19:57LAUGHTER
19:58And in America
20:00.
20:00.
20:01.
20:01.
20:02.
20:06.
20:06.
20:06.
20:10.
20:11.
20:11.
20:12.
20:12.
20:16.
20:17.
20:18.
20:19.
20:19.
20:20.
20:20Adulter literacy is a major problem here.
20:32Because of this country's diverse ethnic mix, some people cannot even speak English.
20:36We're here at a local education center to see how we can help.
20:41Hello.
20:43Can you tell me what you did today?
20:46Well, it didn't turn out, really.
20:48A couple of cunts with his nits down the boozle, eh?
20:56Child labor is a major problem here, as in many developing countries.
21:03Kids like little Eric here has to work very long hours in terrible conditions for very low pay.
21:10What would you really like to do, Eric?
21:13I'd like to be a teacher, if I could.
21:18Maybe one day he'll realize his dreams.
21:21I hope so.
21:23Do you want fries with that?
21:24Oh, yes, please.
21:25And two strobe-y-makes.
21:27And only your arms.
21:30Hooray!
21:33But it's not all doom and gloom, you know.
21:36That's right.
21:37Even in these appalling conditions, the human spirit still shines through.
21:41These smiling faces are proof of that.
21:48Where's my wallet?
21:50Where's my watch?
21:52And my camera!
21:54Bosses!
21:56You know, I believe that people should get to know as much about each other's little foibles before they make a long-term commitment.
22:04Yeah, I quite agree.
22:06So tell me.
22:08Spit or swallow?
22:12Check, please.
22:16Listen, Dad.
22:18I've got something to tell you.
22:20And you're not going to like it.
22:22What is it?
22:23Well, Dad, I've been thinking about this a lot.
22:27And, um...
22:29I've decided to become a Christian.
22:33Good.
22:35Good?
22:36I thought you'd be upset.
22:38Beta.
22:39Why would I be upset at Christianity when it's Indian?
22:44No, it's not, Dad.
22:45Listen, um...
22:46I've accepted Jesus as my saviour.
22:50Well, of course you have, Beta.
22:51Because he was a nice Indian boy.
22:53Not Jesus.
22:55Ah, Beta.
22:56He is as Indian as they come.
22:57He worked for his father.
22:59Indian.
23:00Parents had children without having sex.
23:02Indian.
23:04Fed 5,000 people with two loaves and five fishes.
23:07Indian picnic.
23:09That's not true.
23:10Ah, Beta.
23:11Not just him.
23:12All people from the Bible, Indian.
23:14Rubbish.
23:15Not rubbish.
23:16Think about it, yaar.
23:18Moses.
23:18The people came unto him with their suffering.
23:21He went up the mountain and came back with two tablets.
23:24Because he was a pharmacist.
23:27Noah.
23:28Came from a land where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights.
23:31He was Bengali.
23:33Walls of Jericho.
23:34Walk around it seven times.
23:35Blow a trumpet.
23:35The whole thing falls down.
23:36Indian builders.
23:38No!
23:39And that other fellow.
23:40Samson.
23:41Big, strong man.
23:43Long hair.
23:43Cut his hair as weak as a child because he was sick.
23:47The Bible's not Indian, Dad.
23:48Read the Gospels.
23:49Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
23:52Mahmood, Malik, Lakshmi and Jaggi.
23:54Beta, Apostles, Indian.
23:56What about Judas?
23:57He betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.
24:01Well, business is business.
24:04No, Dad!
24:05I'm telling you, Beta.
24:06All people from the Bible, Indian.
24:08All except one.
24:09Which one?
24:10God, not Indian.
24:11Why not?
24:12In six days he created the heavens and the earth and everything upon it.
24:16And on the seventh day he rested.
24:18What kind of Indian doesn't work Sundays?
24:20That's it.
24:21I'm off to church.
24:22No, Beta.
24:23Sing with me.
24:23And was Jerusalem builded here on Jalander's brown and black?
24:29Let me take you to a place
24:51Where membership's a peaceful face
24:53Rubbing chakras with the stars
24:56Where strange men take you by the hand
24:59And promise you a wonderland
25:01If you'll just remove your bra
25:04Love, Nirvana, drink some tea
25:08Pick a mantra
25:11There's enough for everyone
25:14Try some hypnotherapy
25:16But don't worry
25:20I won't be yours
25:22Travelers and bring stars meet
25:24At my highly overpriced retreat
25:26Trying to change their western ways
25:30I cleanse their souls and make them hum
25:32I stick a horse pipe
25:34But there's one
25:35Make sure everybody plays
25:38Club, Nirvana, nothing's free
25:42Mumbo-jumbo
25:45There's enough for everyone
25:47Try aromatherapy
25:51I'll rub oil into your fermion
25:55Club, Nirvana, join today
26:15It's good karma
26:18And it's tax deductible
26:21There are so many ways to pay
26:23Free for ladies
26:27If they touch my
26:29Give back your bags
26:47And leave your gear
26:49We've been shut down
26:51They'll charge us with indecency
26:54No matter of fact
26:56No guarantee
26:57We've got your cash
27:00And all you got was dysentery
27:02Oh
27:03Oh
27:07Oh
27:09Oh
27:11Oh
27:13Oh
27:15Oh
27:17Oh
27:18Oh
27:20Oh
27:24Oh
27:28Oh
27:30Oh
27:32Oh
27:34Oh
27:36Oh
27:38Oh
27:40Oh
27:42Oh
27:44Oh
27:46Oh
27:47you know the situation you're getting ready for a job interview and you really want the job
27:57but you're nervous so you have to go to the toilet but you don't like the way that toilet
28:03paper chafes and doesn't really get you clean that's why i always carry this
28:11thanks for their ability to direct water right into the affected areas milk bottles have been
28:19proved to be twice as effective as even the leading brand of toilet tissue so next time you're
28:25in the toilet stick this behind the cistern where the guests won't see it milk bottle because my
28:33arse is worth it
28:34goodness gracious me
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