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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket, I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones, but you don't ask questions
00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one what's driving me berserk?
00:28Why do only fools and horses work?
00:32La la la la, la la la la, la la la la la
00:37Now they're beautiful, aren't they? They're beautiful
00:41Now listen, I don't care whether your nipper has got measles, mumps or a scabby eye
00:45Because these are guaranteed to bring a smile right back onto his face
00:48Now gather round everybody, listen to me
00:50Now listen ladies, I want to tell you something
00:52Please don't let it go any further
00:54Because I'm afraid I might be in breach of the official secret act
00:57I happen to know that little Prince William has one of these little fluffy toys in his nursery in Buckhouse
01:04Now I'll tell you how I know, shall I?
01:05Because his dad gave me a bell last week and he said
01:09Little boy, little boy, he said
01:10I'm in right lumber
01:12The enemy's doing her pieces because I've forgotten Spud's birthday
01:16Now Spud happens to be the nickname for the little Prince William
01:19So what did I do?
01:20I walloped straight round there with one of these
01:22And it was end of aggravation, end of story
01:25Now they come complete with batteries
01:27They're guaranteed fully house trained
01:28Whoops, not that one, isn't it?
01:30Never mind
01:30These are not made in Taiwan
01:32These are not made in Hong Kong
01:34These are made in Burma
01:35What can't speak, can't lie
01:37Now listen
01:37Now I'm not going to mess about with coppers
01:42Now that's a Freudian slip
01:43So I'm not asking for 14 quid
01:45I'm not going to ask for 10 quid
01:47Who'll give me 6 quid for this little yak?
01:51If these were fluffy little chickens
01:53You'd be saying, good heavens
01:54They are going cheap
01:55Going cheap chicken
01:56And I'll tell you why I've got to get rid of them, shall I?
02:02Because I'm going on me holidays
02:04And I need me suitcase
02:06Right?
02:07Now what I'm
02:08What I
02:08Sorry I can't stay
02:13Tell you what
02:13I just remembered
02:14Me flight leave in half an hour
02:16See ya
02:18Hey, it's a pity
02:23Excuse me
02:24Hey
02:25Oh
02:26Oh
02:27Oh
02:27Oh
02:28Oh
02:29Oh
02:30Oh
02:31Oh
02:32Oh
02:32Oh
02:32Oh
03:02Oh
03:03Oh
03:04Oh
03:05Oh
03:07Oh
03:08Oh
03:09Oh
03:10Oh
03:11Oh
03:12Oh
03:13Oh
03:14Oh
03:15Oh
03:16Oh
03:17Oh
03:18Oh
03:19Oh
03:20Oh
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03:22Oh
03:23Oh
03:24Oh
03:25Oh
03:26Oh
03:27Oh
03:28Oh
03:29Oh
03:30Oh
03:31Oh
03:32Come on, Rosie, come on, here!
04:02Have you had a good day, Del?
04:16Have you had a good day?
04:19Good day?
04:20Oh, the best, Grandad, the very bloody best.
04:23I've been chased by a gendarm, attacked by pussycat Willem, and almost caught rabies,
04:28and it's all this dipstick's fault!
04:31I've been half exaggerate.
04:32Exaggerate?
04:33You should have been with me in that alley, Rodney, it was like Call of the Wild!
04:37Why didn't you warn me that that copper was coming?
04:39Because I didn't see him!
04:40You didn't see him?
04:41What do you want me to get you, radar or something?
04:44Are you not giving the benefit of the doubt, Del, boy?
04:48Yes, thank you, Grandad, at least somebody understands.
04:51I mean, they are difficult to spot with their size 18 boots and their pointed heads.
04:58Why don't you shut your mouth, you sulky old gunt?
05:01Oh, what about last Friday, then, when we were knocking out them Italian shirts?
05:05Listen to this one, Grandad!
05:07That wasn't just one copper you failed to warn me about, it was an entire squad car!
05:12I mean, it stood there by the curb, all big and white, with a red stripe running through
05:17it, like a tube of signal!
05:19Well, I didn't see it!
05:20You didn't see it!
05:21You must have been a tiny bit suspicious when this ginormous great big jam sandwich pulled
05:26up next to you!
05:27Maybe he needs medical help, Del!
05:30Yeah, like psychiatric treatment!
05:32Or glasses!
05:33Look, I don't need psychiatric treatment, I don't need specs, right?
05:37I've had a lot on me mind just recently.
05:40I've been struggling to find a way of making a very important announcement.
05:44Oh, yeah, what important announcement?
05:46Alright.
05:47For the past two weeks or so, I've been taking stock of my life.
05:53Who I am, what I am, and where I'm going.
05:57And that's taken you a fortnight!
05:59I could have answered all their questions for you, could have answered them all during
06:02a commercial break!
06:04Can you just shut up for one minute?
06:07I am 24 years old.
06:09I have two GCEs, 13 years of schooling, and three terms at an adult education centre behind
06:15me, right?
06:16And with all that, what have I become?
06:19I'm a lookout.
06:22No, Rodney, you're wrong.
06:25You're not just a lookout.
06:27You're a bad lookout!
06:29Alright, alright, so I'm not very good at it.
06:32Perhaps that's because my art's not really in it.
06:35I'm not asking you to put your art in it, just your eyes will do!
06:38Del, what I'm trying to say, I'm thinking of breaking up the partnership.
06:45What partnership?
06:46Ours!
06:47Oh, what do you want to do that for?
06:48We're doing well.
06:49Business is booming, profits are up.
06:50What more do you want?
06:51I want to make my own decisions!
06:52And I've made one, Del.
06:53I'm going it alone.
06:54Who with?
06:55Mickey Pearce!
06:56Mickey Pearce!
06:57Oh, leave it out!
06:58He couldn't keep a rabbit going with lettuce!
07:00You want to watch that young Pearce?
07:01He's a bit too fly for my liking.
07:02He'd drop his own grandmother, he would!
07:03Oh, don't be stupid, Grandad.
07:04That was never proved.
07:05Anyway, you give credit where it's due, right?
07:06Mickey's quite an astute businessman.
07:07I want to make my own decisions.
07:08I want to make my own decisions.
07:09I want to make my own decisions.
07:10And I've made one, Del.
07:11I'm going it alone.
07:12Who with?
07:13Mickey Pearce!
07:14Mickey Pearce!
07:15Oh, leave it out!
07:16He couldn't keep a rabbit going with lettuce!
07:17And the other half of my liking, he'd drop his own grandmother, he would!
07:20Oh, don't be stupid, Grandad!
07:23That was never proved.
07:24Anyway, you give credit where it's due, right?
07:27Mickey's quite an astute businessman.
07:30And he's putting capital into this venture.
07:32Oh, he's putting money in, is he?
07:35Well, no, but he will as soon as his gyro check arrives.
07:39I see.
07:41What are you putting in?
07:42I've got money, Del.
07:44Oh, have you?
07:45Yeah. I've got my offer to partnership.
07:48What partnership? What our pa-
07:59All right, if that is the way that you want it, my son.
08:03You're going to have to understand one thing, Rodney.
08:06Going it alone means exactly what it says.
08:09Right, from now on, you've got to pay your own way in the world.
08:12You pay your own way in the pubs and you pay your own way in this house.
08:14You make a mistake, you stick by that mistake, all right?
08:17Fine. Fine.
08:19If things don't go right for you, I don't want to hear no moaning or whining from you.
08:23Look, I want moaning or whining about nothing.
08:25Right. There you go, then.
08:31Is this all I've got?
08:33Oh, bloody hell, Dan, all them years of work, can you give me these?
08:36Yeah, well, I mean, you know, business is a bit shaky, profits are down.
08:39Hold on a minute, just as you said, we were doing well.
08:41Yeah, well, we are doing well, relatively speaking, Rodney.
08:45I mean, we are doing well compared to an Iranian gin salesman.
08:51Anyway, I had to buy some stock off Alfie Flowers yesterday,
08:54and I mean, a trader is only as good as his stock, right?
08:57All right.
08:58Well, this will have to do, then, won't it?
09:00Oh.
09:00But I'm going to prove to you that I have got business acumen,
09:04that I'm as quick-witted as you, Dale.
09:07I'll see you down the auction tomorrow.
09:09All right.
09:09How will I recognise you?
09:11Um, I'll wear that stripy tie with...
09:13Not 35, ladies and gentlemen,
09:19is a consignment of smoke-damaged fire alarms.
09:22Now, they're industrial models,
09:24all guaranteed, so forth,
09:26to be in perfect working order.
09:28Well, we've written evidence from the night watchman
09:30to say they all went off when the factory went up.
09:32Now, there's 70, all told,
09:35and they usually retail around the 30 quid mark,
09:37so I can start the bidding at £50 a lot.
09:40Go on, bid for them.
09:42What are we more industrial fire alarms for, eh?
09:45How many factories do we know are going to catch fire?
09:49All right, Rodney.
09:51Good morning, Derek.
09:54Hello, young Michael.
09:56Whatcha, Dale?
09:56It's good here, innit?
09:59Oh, terrific.
10:01This is my first auction.
10:03I thought it might be.
10:06Listen, a word of advice.
10:07You've got to be very careful what you do with your hands
10:10in a place like this.
10:12I mean, I know you didn't realise it, Mickey,
10:14but just now you put in a £40 bid
10:16for an electric generator
10:17when you scratched your bum.
10:19What?
10:20He's winding you up.
10:24Look at the state of England.
10:28What are you after?
10:29Cut glass goblets.
10:31No.
10:31No, we ain't.
10:32But I thought you said...
10:33No, no.
10:34We're not after nothing in particular.
10:35Oh, I see.
10:38Now, listen.
10:39The one that you want to beware of is lot 37.
10:42It's nothing more than a load of old scrap iron.
10:45All right?
10:45So be careful.
10:47120.
10:48See you later.
10:49Thank you very much, sir.
10:50Thanks.
10:53130.
10:54Thank you, sir.
10:55130.
10:55Do I hear any more?
10:57130.
10:58Down the young tower, sir.
11:00Now, ladies and gentlemen,
11:03we come to lot 36.
11:06112 pieces of near-perfect cut glass goblets.
11:09Take a look, ladies and gentlemen.
11:11This is us, Rodney.
11:12No, hang on a minute.
11:14Let's have another look at lot 37.
11:16Yeah, but Del told us to be careful with that one.
11:19Yeah, and why do you think he did that?
11:21Usual noddle, Mickey.
11:23Del's after lot 37, ain't he?
11:25He's just trying to put us off
11:27and leave the field open for him, ain't he?
11:29I know how his mind works, son.
11:33Right, lot 37.
11:35Assorted agricultural machinery.
11:38Hey, that could be anything.
11:39That could be tractors, combined harvesters.
11:42Yeah, we could take them out of the sticks
11:44and do them old carrot crunches up.
11:46Shall we go for lot 37, then?
11:49Yeah.
11:50Yeah.
11:51Yeah.
11:51You bought this, son.
11:57Yeah.
12:00We've always wanted every auction.
12:02Linderdale.
12:03Yeah.
12:03Get two for the same price at this one.
12:05There we go.
12:07This stuff is a load of rubbish.
12:09I know.
12:09I did try to warn you, Rodders.
12:11Yeah, but I thought...
12:12Yeah, no, the trouble with you is, Rodney,
12:14that you will insist on thinking.
12:17Well, what have you bought, then?
12:19I got those crystal goblets that you were after.
12:23What are these things?
12:25What, those?
12:26They are lawnmower engines.
12:28Lawnmower engines?
12:30Listen.
12:31They're not ordinary lawnmower engines.
12:36No?
12:37No.
12:39They're broken lawnmower engines.
12:41They're broken.
12:50Phil, we'll probably have a few problems
12:54getting these back to the depot.
12:57Yeah, we come down on a green line, see?
12:59Yeah.
13:00Oh, well, your best bet
13:02is to hire an open-back truck, then, innit?
13:05Yeah.
13:06But we was wondering
13:07whether you could take maybe a few
13:09in the back of the van back of my van you must be joking i've only just cleared them out of the van
13:19you mean you were selling them in the first place yeah that is the rubbish that healthy flower sold
13:30me normally i'd never have bought it but you know he caught me when i was a bit non-compensantist
13:35down the 111 club well i never thought i'd ever get shot of them but you know me rodney he who
13:41dares wins actually made a tidy little profit on it and all well what are we supposed to do with
13:51them well why don't you do what i did find yourself a couple of right little plonkers with cash on the
13:56here
14:03so what are we gonna do
14:07wait till he ain't looking and run away
14:11no we can't do that he's got my address
14:14yeah well he ain't got mine oh thanks partner well you would insist on bidding for them yeah
14:20and who wanted to go down to the sticks and flog them to the carrot crunchers well you said they
14:24were combine harvesters and tractors the way you were talking we were gonna do a deal with
14:29quite a bit i'll get off my family oh i'm gonna get home there anyway
14:35hello granddad here are look at this brought you some strawberries go on dip in oh dear they
14:43ain't very big are they what do you mean they ain't very big you wouldn't like one of those up your
14:47nose for a walk would you go on then shut up and eat up i'll put the kettle on you're splashing out a bit
14:56aren't you yeah well i've had a right blinding week i've sold the loft
15:00yeah even sold those technicoloured woollen tea cosies i bought
15:04how do you manage that who the hell wants woollen tea cosies these days
15:08no no no no look i've got that mrs murphy right to stitch up all the holes
15:12and then i whipped down to the youth centre and i flogged them to the west indian lads a soppy hat
15:21there you go look there's the housekeeping money all right and look at that there's a tenner for yourself
15:25oh cheers deal that's it don't squander it no no i'll invest it wisely
15:33how's young rodney doing oh well the opposition are floundering somewhat
15:38well to be more precise they're going down like a one-legged man doing the okey cokey
15:45i've seen rodney skulking around the garden centres and what have you
15:48you ain't got rid of them normal engines yet no they're still in their depot well depot that's
15:55mickey pierce's garden shed yeah they're talking about that do you know what happened last tuesday
16:01night somebody broke into their shed and nicked two of them engines oh no that's rotten on it i feel
16:07sorry for young rodney no no no it's all right because wednesday night they broke in again and
16:12buttoned back here he is listen del boy don't say nothing about them normal engines i think he's
16:19getting a bit embarrassed about it i won't mention them
16:22all right though triff brill rodders had a blinding week how about you oh fine could not be better
16:37sold those lawnmower engines yet
16:40lawnmower lawnmower oh no no uh we've had lots of inquiries obviously but uh we're hanging on for the
16:46right price you know oh that is the way rodney agent provocateur as the french would say well
16:52that's what i thought oh that reminds me did the paper boy bring my son this morning well we've had
16:58to cancel it rodney cancel it why well you haven't paid your bill have you what i'm paying that separate
17:04as well now am i yeah well you're on your own now remember oh yeah yeah it's all right i'm just saying
17:08you know as long as i know i'll go and pay it tomorrow you hungry rodney uh well i'd uh
17:16pretty hefty lunch with a client earlier on but um yeah i reckon i could manage some egg and chips
17:21i'll go and put the pan on just a minute just a minute as he paid his housekeeping money
17:27um well i've got a bit of a cash flow problem at the moment well so's half the people on this
17:32estate but they don't come in here eating my egg and chips come on that's all right i'll pay double
17:38next week ah well that's all right then that's all right you can have double egg and chips next week
17:42how can you have a cash flow problem rodney i thought you had nearly 200 pounds left out of
17:49your share yeah yeah that's right but uh mickey's holding the money
17:58well he's he's financial director see why don't you pop around his house and get some money yeah yeah i
18:04would but he's uh out of town at the moment yeah i thought i hadn't seen him around for about four
18:09or five days no no well that's cause um we're doing this really big deal you see and uh mickey's gonna
18:17wait to tie up all the loose ends oh well that explains it then yeah explains what no just i saw his
18:23mum this morning she said she just got a postcard from him from benidorm benidorm yeah he's doing all
18:29right you know the weather's fine food's good met this swedish bird called helga oh would that be
18:36the contact that he went to me what yeah yeah yeah well i've got to admire your bottle rodders i must
18:46admit they've been in the business five minutes and already you've opened up a spanish branch
18:50you've cornered the world market on broken lawn mower engines what's your partner doing now is he
19:00buying second-hand pedalos no no no nothing like that no we're um we're going into the self-catering
19:07holiday trade what on 200 nicker yeah well we're starting in a small way well you got a windy house
19:20and then i am not prepared to discuss the situation any longer all right it's confidential information
19:27it's right i understand rodney no no i i understand well i'm off out where are you going well i thought
19:37i might go down and have a couple of lighthouse down the nag's head and then go on to the star of bengal
19:42for a ruby murray coming what uh no no i really ought to stay in and do the company accounts i suppose oh
19:54here they are oh cheers
20:12you don't really think i'm that hard do you rodney no no of course i'm not oh cheers
20:26yeah
20:43wait tony none of the boys been in i haven't seen any of them though oh young towels has just come in
20:49for a takeaway oh is he oh yeah oh yeah wait towels up towels up sorry madam your onion barge is down
21:00here by your foot how's it going all right my son sit down and have a shot with a pop with them now
21:06listen i can't get involved i'm getting the missus a takeaway and i want to get home tonight oh you've
21:10got time for a drink oh sit down oh cheers listen i'm glad i bumped into you i want you to do me a
21:15favor what's that no sit down you know those broken lawnmower engines that dozy tron rodney got himself
21:21lumbered with yeah what about i want you to buy them off him you want me to do what do me a favor
21:27del alfie flowers offered me them engines a month ago i don't want nothing to do with them it's all
21:32right it's all right listen you don't have to spend any money i'll give you the money yeah see that
21:39look 200 quid i want you to offer him that 200 here they're only worth about a score of scrap value
21:47i know but i want him to think he's made a good profit look he's had a bad week he's been tucked
21:51up something chronic by that best mate of his and now he's brassy why don't you just give him the money
21:56well because he seemed like charity wouldn't it
22:00yeah i need be too proud to accept it no he'd snap it up like a shot
22:03but i want him to think that he's been successful i want him to believe that he's proved me wrong
22:13it's important tauser
22:16all right then deal if that's what you want you're a pal
22:22don't let him know that you say to him that you've got this contact in the glc parks department
22:29and uh they can't get enough lawn mower engine something like that you see thing is i'm not
22:33going to lose out on the deal because come this time tomorrow rodney will want to be my partner
22:39again and i will get my money back that's it hey wait a minute what am i going to do with all these
22:46engines i know dump them somewhere oh no no i couldn't do that del i mean i got nick for fly
22:51dumping a couple of months ago i mean they're going to chuck a book at me this time i'll tell you what
22:55you do take them back to alfie flowers and tell him that he can have them for nothing yeah all right
23:02here hang about what's in it for me
23:09give you 15 for it oh yeah 20. that'd do thank you anything for a mate
23:17i wouldn't pay that bill if i were you thank you guys good night
23:31all right brothers yeah
23:36hey look i've had a right blinding day look at that look yeah i must tell you there's a really silly
23:41float down the market today i think he must have come from a funny farm it was really silly i said to
23:46him i said here do you want to buy some broken lawnmower engines and he said to me i ain't that
23:51silly for your information derrick this morning i successfully negotiated the sale of them engines
23:59to young towser you're kidding me no on my life he's bought the lot he's got a contact in the parks
24:07department at the glc cool well that's a stroke of luck then isn't it no no it's not luck del that is
24:13good business sense aren't you all the time if i held on long enough i'll get my price
24:18yeah well i must say i admire your courage rudders hey well he who dares wins
24:26yeah that's right
24:28so well that mickey pierce he's gonna be pleased when he comes back off holiday anyway now don't
24:32you talk to me about that mickey pierce i've liquidated our partnership oh
24:37oh so what are you gonna do then i mean you're still carrying on on your own right
24:44well i i was thinking oh you know
24:51go back as we was eh you and me yeah you and me do i yeah and now i've got experience in buying and
24:58selling myself yeah that could be invaluable rudders
25:01yeah okay then come on let's pull our resources right there we go now how much did you get for
25:09them normal engines 165 pounds
25:17is that all you got for them rodney well it's not bad del because they're only worth what a score scrap
25:22value hmm certainly have learned a lot aren't you rudders okay let's see the color of your money
25:29well i ain't got it what do you mean that towser didn't pay you oh yeah he paid me but i've
25:34invested the money you do what i went down to alfie flowers yard got us another load of lawnmower
25:44you're joking tell me that you're joking no he tells this bloke at the glc well he can't get enough of
25:58them engines oh you can tell me i was dead lucky down at alfie's he'd had another load delivered this
26:03morning i don't worry because they're exactly the same as the others
26:12and bet your life they're the same
26:16what a 42 carat plonker you really are come on del don't you think it's time you showed a bit of
26:24faith in me yes anything you say rodney anything you say good oh del i was wondering now that we're
26:33partners again do you think you could help me out hey because i had a pint all week all i've had to
26:40eat is granddad's cooking and look the soul's coming off me best gucci look yeah i'll help you
26:48outrodders put that round your gucci it'll stop the soul coming off
27:06all games gold chains what's names and had a push and trevor francey tracks suits from a
27:12mush and shepherds bush bush bush bush no income tax no vat no money back no guarantee black or
27:22white rich or broke we'll cut prices and a straw god bless hooky street viva hooky street long
27:36live hooky street same monday feet hooky street
27:42mind if feet hooky street hooky street hooky street
27:50hooky street