- 17 hours ago
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:12But you don't ask questions
00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:23And the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one which drives me bizarre
00:29Why do only fours and horses work?
00:33La la la, la la la la la
00:36La la la la
00:59Down, boy.
01:00Yeah, I wish you could say the same about this chicken.
01:02What's that with it? Tough?
01:04Tough? Tough is the toughest chicken I've ever known.
01:07It's asked me for a fight in a car park twice.
01:10All right, come on, what's upset you?
01:13No, don't worry about me, Rodney.
01:15I'm not worried about you.
01:17I'm worried about the fiver I spent on this ticket.
01:19I thought we'd be enjoying ourselves, you know.
01:21What's the matter?
01:23Oh, it's just a...
01:24I went round to Lenny Morris' little kid's christening today, you know.
01:27And there was just this fantastic atmosphere in his front room.
01:31You know, his mum and dad were there and his wife and his little baby.
01:35And I thought, you know, he's got all his family round him.
01:39He's got a real family.
01:42And what have I got?
01:43You got us.
01:45Yeah, I thought of that.
01:47That is when I left.
01:50You know that rich bird what he's been seeing lately, her with the nose?
01:54Well, she's just giving the whole Evo.
01:56No.
01:57No.
01:58Oh, well, that explains it, doesn't it?
02:00Del had high hopes of selling some gear to her.
02:02What sort of gear?
02:03Well, her dad left her a chain of long drets in his will, right?
02:06Del's gone and lumbered himself a two-ton of hooky purse silk.
02:10Oi, why don't you say nothing, Rodney.
02:12You told me in confidence.
02:14No, no, of course not.
02:15Right, here you are, come on.
02:16Get somebody's gut rocked down your neck.
02:18Oh, come on, Del, cheer up, eh?
02:22I'll tell you what, let's have a family sing song like any old days, eh?
02:25Yeah, all right.
02:26All right, come on then, go on, Rodney, start us off.
02:28Yeah, right.
02:29All together, we're going to hang out the washing on the same green light.
02:33Hey, Enrico, Enrico, come here a minute, will you?
02:43Si, senor.
02:44Listen, do us a favour, will you?
02:46Sing old Shep for me, will you?
02:49I'll leave it out, Del, not old Shep again.
02:51We're trying to enjoy ourselves.
02:53You can't enjoy yourself with a song about a dead dog.
02:58Sing old Shep.
02:59Senor, it's not possible to sing the old Shep song.
03:05It is, how shall you say, the tragic song.
03:08It makes the tears fall from the eyes.
03:10Come on, sing old Shep.
03:14Look, leave it out, will you, Del boy?
03:16I've got a living to earn.
03:19That's a killer of a song.
03:21Once I've sung that, the evening's finished.
03:25Look, I'll sing another song for you.
03:27Hey, any other song.
03:29But no way do I sing old Shep.
03:37Sing old Shep.
03:39When I was a lad, an old Shep was a bum.
03:48For the hill and the hill and the hill we rode.
03:57Just a boy and his bum.
04:00We were just full of fun.
04:03We grew up together that way.
04:10But if dogs have a heaven, there's one thing I know.
04:19Oh, Shep has a wonderful home.
04:28Bravo!
04:29Bravo!
04:30Bravo!
04:34Bravo, Enrico.
04:35Di stafano, my son.
04:37Di stafano.
04:38Oh, Puscus, Puscus.
04:41That is my most favourite song about a dog, that is, you know.
04:46Yeah.
04:46I mean, that song's about dead dogs go.
04:49It's a real mind-bender, isn't it?
04:50The only trouble is nobody likes it.
04:53Yes, they do.
04:54So, do I like it?
04:55And that young lady over there, she likes it?
05:02Excuse me, gentlemen.
05:04I think I've got a cultural encounter coming on.
05:07Tell me, tell me.
05:08While you're over there, ask your cultural encounter if she's all right for Purcell.
05:12Good evening.
05:23Oh, hello.
05:24Do you mind if I park my bot?
05:26No, please.
05:27A drink?
05:28No, thank you.
05:29Oh.
05:30Well, that was...
05:31Oh, sorry.
05:33That was a lovely song, that, ain't it?
05:35Beautiful, eh?
05:35Always gets me right here, that does, yes.
05:37Always brings back such poignant memories.
05:41Did you have an old dog?
05:43Oh, I've had many old dogs in my time.
05:47Uh, sorry, um...
05:48Sorry, what did you say your name was?
05:49Heather.
05:50Heather.
05:50Heather, that's a beautiful name, that, isn't it?
05:52Heather.
05:53It's one of my most favourite names there, Heather.
05:55My name is Del.
05:57It's short for Derek.
06:00Uh, do you know what the word Derek means?
06:02No, I don't.
06:03No, nor do I.
06:04I'm always meaning to check it out.
06:06I'm very surprised to see a charming young lady like yourself here on her own.
06:10Well, I'm supposed to be meeting someone here.
06:13A girlfriend.
06:15But she doesn't seem to have shown up, so I was just about to leave.
06:18Oh, well, don't blame you.
06:19Now he's sung that song, it's stone dead in here, ain't it, eh?
06:22Listen, I hope you don't think I'm being fooled or nothing,
06:24but I just wondered if you fancy going on for a drink in a little nightclub that I know.
06:28Well, I'm not sure.
06:30It's getting home in early hours.
06:31Well, there's no bother, no.
06:32I can always drop you off.
06:33You know, do you live local?
06:34Brixton.
06:35Brixton.
06:36Oh, Brixton.
06:37Do you really?
06:38Oh, that's funny, that is.
06:39Funny I haven't seen you before because I do a lot of work down there, you know, in Rourke's Drift.
06:44What line are you in?
06:46Um, I'm an importer-exporter of quality merchandise.
06:55You know, antiques, that sort of thing.
06:57I tend to specialise in Parisian haute couture fashion, you know, and special objet d'art, modern works of art.
07:04Sounds fascinating.
07:05Oh, yes, it is.
07:07Oh, really?
07:08I tell you what.
07:09If you're interested, I've got some very cheap washing powder.
07:15Oh, straight.
07:16Great.
07:19Yeah.
07:24Sorry about the line.
07:27The landlord took the bulb out.
07:30He says he's doing his bit to conserve world energy.
07:33It's a rare combination, isn't it?
07:35A rent collector and a friend of the earth.
07:38Well, mind the steps.
07:40Oh!
07:43Well, this is it.
07:46I told you it wasn't much of a flat, didn't I?
07:49Well done, I could be worse.
07:51Oh, yeah? How?
07:52Could have been on the top floor.
07:54Yveda.
07:55I love you.
07:57Yes.
07:58What's it say in France?
08:05Oh, true. Very true.
08:08I didn't hear you come in.
08:11Sorry I'm late, love. Del took me on to a nightclub.
08:16It's only being friendly, John.
08:19You know what I mean?
08:22Oh, Del, let me introduce you. This is Brian. Brian lives downstairs. He's my babysitter.
08:37Well, I'm pleased to meet you, Brian.
08:42Nice to meet you, too.
08:44Well, I won't stop. I've got some studying to catch up on.
08:49Brian goes away to university soon.
08:52Boy, you're a bit long in the tooth for that sort of lark, aren't you?
08:55I'm a mature student.
08:57Oh, cool. He and my brother went to university.
08:59Oh, really? And what was he reading?
09:01God knows. Mayfair and Penthouse knowing him.
09:05Yes, I see. Well, I really must be going. See you in the week, Heather. Bye for now.
09:10Thanks for looking after the place, Brian.
09:12Hope you didn't get on your nerves too much.
09:14No, no, no, no. I've got to get used to people like him.
09:18No, I meant the baby.
09:22Oh, sorry.
09:23No, no, no. He was as good as gold. Bye for now.
09:27Bye. Mind the step.
09:29Yeah, I didn't know you had a baby.
09:32Well, he's not a baby anymore. He's nearly three and a half.
09:35There's a picture of him on the mantelpiece.
09:37Blimey, he's a big lad for his age, isn't he?
09:41No, that's Vic, my husband. Oh.
09:45That's Darren.
09:46Oh, of course. He's a little cracker, isn't he, eh?
09:49Here. Where's your husband these days?
09:52I don't know. And I don't particularly care.
09:55He walked out of here one morning, said he was popping down the job centre to sign on.
10:00That was 18 months ago.
10:02Well, the way things are, he could still be queuing.
10:06Do you know, when we got engaged, Vic had a straight choice between going on holiday with his mates or buying me an engagement ring.
10:15Could he send you a postcard?
10:17Like hell he did. Vic looked after number one.
10:21I don't think he was ever meant to be married. Couldn't face a responsibility.
10:26I used to say to him, Vic, I used to say, you've got a baby now, Vic.
10:31Isn't it time you sorted yourself out and...
10:34Oh, God. I'm sorry, Del.
10:38There's nothing worse than having your ear bent by somebody else's problems.
10:42I'm just tired.
10:44Yeah, well, I'd better be off. I've got an early call in the morning.
10:48Yeah, I've got to get down to, er...
10:50I've got to get down to Peckham by seven.
10:53Pick up a consignment of fire-damaged walks.
10:58Anyway, I'll be finished by about ten.
11:01I just wondered whether you might fancy going out for the day somewhere, you know, having a spot of lunch, something like that.
11:05Oh, yeah, I'd love to. I'll see if Brian will babysit again.
11:08No, no, no. I meant, you know, you and the boy.
11:11Oh, you sure?
11:13Yeah.
11:14Most men don't want to know when they find you've got a baby.
11:16Yeah, well...
11:17I'm not most men, have I?
11:27Yeah, OK, well, er...
11:28Yeah, I'll, erm...
11:30Yeah, I'll see you about eleven, right?
11:32Tomorrow.
11:33Yeah, all right, then.
11:34Yeah, OK, then.
11:35Oh, I think.
11:36They're on.
11:41Oh!
11:42My mistake!
11:43Oh, my mistake!
11:44Oh, my mistake!
11:45Oh, my mistake, oh!
11:49Wow!
11:50Yeah!
11:52Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
12:22Oh, oh, oh, oh.
12:24Bang, just one touch and all the church bells ring.
12:30Heaven called and all the angels sing.
12:34Sunrise, shine, the sun in the sky.
12:40Oh, oh, oh.
12:43Soon you chase the day away.
12:51I knew the moon and stars came out to play.
13:00And then my whole wide world went through.
13:07Oh, oh, oh, oh.
13:12Oh, oh, oh.
13:14Oh, oh, oh.
13:16Soon you came down on a wonderland.
13:21Oh, oh, oh.
13:25Soon you chase the day away.
13:33I knew the moon and stars came out to play.
13:43Soon you chase the day away.
13:51I knew the moon and stars came out to play.
14:00And then...
14:02That's right.
14:03Come on in, Darren.
14:05Kick the ball to your Uncle Del.
14:09Good boy.
14:13Good boy, good boy, my son.
14:16Well, let's see you come out of the corner.
14:19This way.
14:29Good boy.
14:30You're gonna play for England one of these days.
14:32What do you reckon, Rodney?
14:34Darren could play for England now, couldn't he?
14:37He's better than that load of rubbish.
14:39Right, come on.
14:40You'll get an England side playing like this.
14:42Just have a look at him, will you?
14:44He's like a born-again ovaltini.
14:46He's only one of them looking for, what, six weeks?
14:50And look at him.
14:51I don't know what's got into him.
14:53He spends most of his time on them climbing frames
14:56and swings and what have you.
14:58The other day, I see the caretaker telling him off
15:02for coming down the slide backwards.
15:05Down backwards?
15:07It's a bit dangerous, isn't it?
15:09I mean, all his conkers and marbles
15:11could have fallen out of his pocket.
15:19That's it, Rodney.
15:21See, Joe?
15:23Oh, nothing, mate.
15:24He was just talking about Wally's, that's all.
15:26Not so much of it.
15:34He out, Darren.
15:37And that's another thing.
15:38I wish he'd get rid of this sign.
15:40I mean, whenever I'm sitting in the passenger seat,
15:43people look at me sort of...
15:46Oh, I wouldn't let that bother you, Rodney.
15:48Huh?
15:49No.
15:50They most probably just think you're a poof.
15:56You must have spent a third of your life standing in front of mirrors.
16:13My earliest childhood recollection is of you standing in front of a mirror.
16:25Up until I was four, I thought you was twins.
16:27If you all are trying to wind me up, Rodney, it ain't gonna work.
16:33No way, bruv.
16:35Because tonight is a very, very happy night and a very, very special one for me.
16:39What is it, Cubs night?
16:42No, it ain't Cubs night.
16:44Well, come on, Rodney, how do I look, eh?
16:46You look like a second-hand car trader.
16:49Oh, thanks a lot, Rod.
16:50Here, that reminds me.
16:51You know, we were talking about earlier on
16:53about Heather and Darren coming over for Christmas.
16:55I mean, you don't mind, do you?
16:57Because you like Heather, don't you, eh?
16:59Don't you, Rod?
17:00Yeah, yeah, she's all right.
17:02What about you, Grandad?
17:03You like Darren, don't you, eh?
17:05He's not a noisy little brat, is he?
17:07Oh, no, he's a good little kid.
17:09Here.
17:11Here, Rod.
17:12How do you feel about, er, Heather becoming your sister-in-law?
17:16Oh, what?
17:17No, no, no, no, not now, not immediately.
17:19I mean, you know, sometime in the future.
17:20I mean, you know, I haven't even mentioned it to her yet.
17:22I mean, I don't want to jump me guns.
17:24Eh?
17:26Well, I'm not fast.
17:28Do I want to come and live here with that noisy little brat, will she?
17:32No, no.
17:34We've applied for a council house.
17:39Well, where's me, er, Billy Goat?
17:41Oh, here it is, yeah, right.
17:42That's it.
17:43Well, I'm off out then.
17:44I'm taking Heather out for an evening that she will never forget.
17:48You know, it's going to be soft lights, music, champagne,
17:52and, of course, the very, very finest of foods.
17:56I only hope she likes curry.
17:58Well, I suppose it was always on the cards.
18:15I think they'll be happy together, don't you?
18:19Oh, yeah, she's a good girl.
18:20She'll look after him.
18:22Yeah, and he thinks the world of that kid, don't he?
18:24Aye.
18:26And they fit so neatly into his style of living.
18:29You know?
18:30Fast foods, ready to wear suits.
18:32Now he's got an instant family, aye?
18:34I'm, I'm pleased for him.
18:39You seem to be forgetting something, Rodney.
18:42If Del Boy moves into his council gaff with his off the peg next to Kim,
18:47who the hell's going to pay the rent, gas and electric in this place?
18:51Aye?
18:58We'll have chicken teak, half the bone,
19:01mutton madras,
19:03a pair of onion barges,
19:05four poppadoms,
19:06some naan bread,
19:08and a couple of portions of rice.
19:10Aye?
19:11Yes, which rice would you like?
19:13Have you got any Uncle Ben's?
19:17No, sir, we have pillow rice,
19:21basmati rice,
19:22or plain white rice?
19:23Oh, we'll have the pillow rice.
19:24Make sure you take the feathers out first.
19:28Oh, and Tony,
19:29I want a bottle of your finest champagne.
19:31All right, son?
19:32Yes, sir.
19:35You're pushing the boat out a bit, aren't you?
19:37No, I'm always like this when I've got something to celebrate.
19:39Oh, yeah?
19:40What are we celebrating?
19:41You sold all them Chinese woks?
19:43Mm.
19:44No, no, I got a bit lumbered with them, actually.
19:46I'm giving them away free with packets of persil.
19:51What's the champagne in aid of?
19:53Well...
20:00Christmas.
20:03What is it?
20:04Well, open it, see.
20:05Oh, it's lovely.
20:06Got it off this mate of mine, Abdul.
20:22Gets a discount at Atten Garden.
20:24Del?
20:25Is this an engagement ring?
20:26No, it's a set of socket spanners.
20:27Of course it's an engagement ring.
20:28No, I'll change it if you like.
20:29See, remember what you said, that you liked solitaire diamonds?
20:30So I thought, well, you know, I'd get her a cluster of solitaires.
20:31No.
20:32No.
20:33No, it's a beautiful ring, Del.
20:34What's up, then?
20:35It's Vic.
20:36Well, is your nose blocked up?
20:37No.
20:38No, I'll change it if you like.
20:39See, remember what you said, that you liked solitaire diamonds?
20:42So I thought, well, you know, I'd get her a cluster of solitaires.
20:46No.
20:47No.
20:48No, it's a beautiful ring, Del.
20:53What's up, then?
20:58It's Vic.
20:59Well, is your nose blocked up?
21:04No.
21:09No, it's Vic, my husband.
21:11Oh.
21:12Well, what about him?
21:14He wrote to me last week.
21:16Oh, yeah, last week you did mention it.
21:18I know.
21:19I've been trying to find the right moment to bring the subject up.
21:23Well, he's living in Southampton.
21:25He's got himself a nice flat, apparently.
21:27Yeah.
21:29He wants me and Darren to move down there with him.
21:32You know, try again.
21:34See if we can make it work this time.
21:38Oh.
21:39Yeah, well, I mean,
21:42I mean, you're not going to believe all that old pony, are you?
21:48Are you?
21:50The thing is, Del,
21:52he's still my husband.
21:54He's Darren's father.
21:57I owe it to him.
21:58Oh, come on.
21:59Don't give me all that, Heather.
22:01I mean, he don't care a monkey's about you and Darren.
22:03I mean, what did big, brave Vic do when the going got heavy, eh?
22:06He pulled on his hiking boots and had it away on his toes.
22:09You don't know what he's like, Darren.
22:10I do know what he's like,
22:12because he's exactly like my old man.
22:13That's what he did to me 18 years ago.
22:15It wasn't all his fault.
22:17He was unemployed.
22:19All he wanted was a regular job.
22:21He had no idea what sort of pressure that can do to a family.
22:26Well, he's got himself a job now in a department store.
22:30Yeah, doing what?
22:32He's a Father Christmas.
22:35Oh, well, that's a steady little number, that, isn't it, eh?
22:39Free uniform, luncheon vouchers, 48 weeks holiday a year.
22:42I still love him.
22:51What about me?
22:54I love you, Del.
22:56But not in that way.
22:58I feel for you the way someone would feel for a...
23:02Goldfish or a gerbil.
23:04No.
23:06Like a brother.
23:08I feel for you the way you feel for Rodney.
23:10Well, I thought you liked me.
23:13However, I thought that you and I had an understanding.
23:17Honestly, Del, I never knew you felt that strongly.
23:21I mean, you never said anything.
23:24Well...
23:26I'm not a poet, ever.
23:28You know, I'm...
23:30I can't do all that lovey-dovey stuff.
23:32Yeah, I feel things,
23:35but when I try to say them, they...
23:37I'd always come out...
23:39Wally-ish.
23:43I thought it was obvious, the way that I felt for you.
23:46What else could I have done?
23:49I don't know.
23:51A sign or something?
23:54Well, I'd tie a yellow ribbon round an old oak tree or something.
23:57I leave next Tuesday.
23:59Will you come round and say goodbye to Darren?
24:01No.
24:03He really took to you.
24:05You like kids, don't you?
24:06Yeah.
24:07I used to go to school with a lot of them.
24:10It's a beautiful ring, Del.
24:13Normally, I'd let you keep it, but...
24:14I've only got it on a week's approval.
24:16I don't really feel hungry anymore, Del.
24:17I think I'll...
24:19It's all right.
24:21I'll get a taxi.
24:23I'll get a taxi.
24:25I'll get a taxi.
24:27Oh, no.
24:29I'll get a taxi.
24:31I'm not going to go with a lot of them.
24:33It's a beautiful ring, Del.
24:37Normally, I'd let you keep it, but...
24:39I've only got it on a week's approval.
24:41I don't really feel hungry anymore, Del.
24:44It's all right.
24:45I'll get a taxi.
24:46It's all right.
24:47I'll get a taxi.
24:48I'll get a taxi.
24:49I'll get a taxi.
24:54I'll get a taxi.
25:25All is quiet, round yon virgin, mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace.
25:51Sleep in heavenly peace.
25:58We wish you a merry Christmas.
26:03We wish you a merry Christmas.
26:05We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
26:10Good tidings we bring to you and your king.
26:15We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
26:20We wish you a merry Christmas.
26:25We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
26:31We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
26:56We wish you a merry Christmas.
27:09New Year.
27:14Push, push, push, push, push, push, push.
27:16No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
27:22Black or white, rent your book, people come prices at a stroll.
27:30God bless Brooklyn Street.
27:33Be my Brooklyn Street.
27:36Long live Brooklyn Street.
27:39Same and defeat the Brooklyn Street.
27:42I'm going to be
27:44HOOKIE STREAM
27:45HOOKIE STREAM
27:48HOOKIE STREAM