- 18 hours ago
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00:00Stick a pony in me pocket
00:30Why do only fours and horses work?
00:33La lala, la lala, la lala
00:38La lala, la lala...
00:46You see, I mean, to me, Janice, art...
00:51You know, art as an art, right,
00:54must, by its very nature, be self-indulgent, right?
00:59I mean, as I said to David Hockney once,
01:02the inherent element in all artistic projects
01:05should not be one of contemporary mass appeal,
01:07but rather one of personal symbolism.
01:11Don't you agree, Janice?
01:12I don't know, Rodney.
01:15Oh, well, you know, that's why I like talking to you.
01:18You're one of the few people who seems to understand me.
01:24My father Don paints, you know.
01:26Really?
01:27Yeah, for the council.
01:29Oh, no, that is cosmic, Janice.
01:32No, really.
01:33No, that is cosmic.
01:34That's probably why we have the same appreciation
01:36and understanding of true art.
01:39I mean, we have an affinity, an aesthetic bond.
01:41We are kindred spirits, Janice.
01:44Seekers of beauty in a broken, ugly world.
01:49Janice?
01:50Yes, Rodney?
01:51Get your bra off.
01:55I can't.
01:56Well, of course you can.
01:57You must live and be free.
01:59I can't, Rodney.
02:01I'm not wearing one.
02:05Oh.
02:08Well.
02:10Oh, yeah.
02:11Oh, put him down, Janice.
02:22Put him down.
02:22You don't know where he's been.
02:25Oh, well, then what have we got going on here?
02:26Oh, I'll have a drop of that.
02:27Thanks.
02:28Yeah, look, we don't want all this rubbish on, do we, eh?
02:31That's better.
02:32Yeah.
02:33Oi, Janice, you mind his bruises, won't you?
02:35What bruises?
02:36His bruises.
02:36He's covered in them.
02:37It's where the girls keep on pushing them away with ten-foot barge poles.
02:42Oh, dear, oh, dear.
02:43That's better.
02:46You're in, are you, Dale?
02:47Hmm?
02:48Yes, yes, I'm in, Rodders.
02:50Hope you've been behaving yourself.
02:51You know, remember what I told you.
02:53Not to do it on your own doorstep.
02:54We've just been sitting here discussing art, that's all.
02:58Do you like art, Dale?
02:59Oh, yeah.
03:00Dale used to be cultural advisor to the Chelsea Shed.
03:03Yeah, I like art, Janice.
03:04I like art, you know.
03:05I'm a Renaissance man myself.
03:07You know, I like them pictures where the eyes follow you around the room.
03:11Last week, down the Pie and Eel shop,
03:14Dale shook the international art world to its very foundations
03:17by stating, quite openly,
03:19that Michelangelo was a Wally brain.
03:22Well, he was a Wally brain, wasn't he?
03:24Took him 12 years to paint one ceiling.
03:26God, that wouldn't do your brother Donald any good, would it, Janice, eh?
03:30Well, he's on bonus.
03:33I do not believe this.
03:34I'm going to wake up in a minute.
03:36Here, look, I'll tell you another thing while we're about it.
03:38And, oh, you know, some of those artists, you know,
03:40they're a bit sick, if you ask me.
03:41What are you on about now?
03:42Well, look, take a look at this, right?
03:44Now, this is a statuette of the world-famous Venus the Milo, right?
03:49Now, who but the sick of mind
03:51would do a sculpture of a disabled person?
03:55Am I right, Janice?
03:58It's a bit sick, isn't it?
03:59There you are, yeah.
04:00You weren't like that originally.
04:02No, no, no.
04:02This is the product of a twisted imagination, this, Rodney.
04:05Yeah.
04:06Yeah, talking of twisted imaginations,
04:07are you still looking for a job?
04:09What, in this country?
04:10It's three million unemployed.
04:12What chance has Rodney gone?
04:13Well, with his big brother looking after him,
04:15he's got every chance in the world.
04:16Now, take one of your purple hearts, Rodney,
04:18because I've got a surprise coming for you.
04:20I have managed to secure for you
04:22a position with a newly formed security company.
04:25Now, they did want a man with previous experience,
04:27and as your last job was a milk monitor,
04:29I did have a bit of trouble persuading them.
04:32But, however, I have managed to swing it for you.
04:36Are you putting me on, Dale?
04:37No, definitely.
04:38I've got a job for you, Rodney.
04:40Hey, that's great, Dale.
04:42Yeah, that's all right.
04:43You'll start off as a trainee NSO?
04:45No.
04:46Oh, yes, and who knows, my son?
04:48You know, use your old filbert, keep your nose clean.
04:50A couple of years' time, you could end up as a,
04:52well, I don't know, a senior NSO.
04:54Oh, I will, Dale.
04:55I won't let you down, son.
04:57What's an NSO?
05:00Oh, don't be a ghost, Janice.
05:03What's an NSO?
05:04I don't know they're born, some of them, do they?
05:06That's right.
05:09Tell them what an NSO is, Dale.
05:13NSO, Janice, is a nocturnal security officer.
05:16Yeah, you see, it's a nocturnal security officer.
05:19That doesn't have to sound like a night watchman, Dale.
05:21It's nothing like a night watchman.
05:24I mean, yeah, yeah, you will have to work at night.
05:27And will some of my duties include watching?
05:30No, they won't, no.
05:31I mean, all you'll have to do is you'll just have to, you know, you'll, you'll just have to, you...
05:36Keep an eye out, don't you?
05:40What is the name of this recently formed security company, then?
05:43Ah, well, you wouldn't have heard of them.
05:45Try me, Dale.
05:45Come on, let's have it.
05:48All right.
05:49It's called...
05:51Trotter Watch.
05:53Trotter Watch?
05:54Yeah.
05:55That's you, isn't it?
05:56I'm working for you, aren't I?
05:57Yeah, you see, the way I see it, Rodney, is that crime is a growth industry, so I'm getting in while the going is good.
06:03It's a nice regular job.
06:04It's got a uniform, good wages.
06:07How good.
06:08Oh, we'll talk about that later.
06:09First of all, let us try on your uniform, eh?
06:13There, come on, slip into it.
06:14There it is.
06:15Oh, look at that.
06:16Colour suits you, doesn't it, eh?
06:19Yes.
06:20Look at that fit.
06:22Oh, yeah.
06:24Deja vu.
06:25It's like it's made to measure, isn't it?
06:26Yeah, for someone else.
06:29Yeah, now, oh, well, sleeves and that.
06:31Well, he'll grow into them.
06:32Don't worry about that.
06:33Here, let's have a look.
06:33That's it.
06:35TW.
06:35That's right.
06:36Trotter Watch.
06:38Could also stand for traffic warden, though.
06:40Traffic warden.
06:41Oh, yeah, because it could, yeah.
06:42Traffic warden.
06:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:43This is a traffic warden's uniform, isn't it?
06:45It is not a traffic warden's uniform.
06:47You've got me done up as a bloody traffic warden.
06:49Oh, no, no, no.
06:51It is once and for all.
06:52It is not a traffic warden's uniform.
06:54Now, just trust me, will you?
06:56Put your cap on.
06:59Well?
07:01I look like a traffic warden.
07:03I look like a traffic warden I ain't been well.
07:06Oh, don't you look stunning, Rodders.
07:10Oh, yeah, look at that.
07:11You're admitting authority all over the place.
07:14I'm not doing it, Bill.
07:15I don't want a job.
07:16Oh, no, come on, Rodney.
07:17You've got to do it.
07:18You can't let me down.
07:18I gave them your word.
07:19Give who my word?
07:20Oh, the people down at the Tyler Street Bus and Coach Garage.
07:23That's where you're going to be based.
07:24No, I'm definitely not doing it, Bill.
07:26Oh, no.
07:27Yeah, OK.
07:28Well, of course, if you're scared, you could admit it.
07:32Come on.
07:33Oh, Alemannia, dispoir.
07:36Janice will understand if your bottler's gone.
07:40No, he's scared.
07:42Must be joking.
07:44Ah, that's the spirit.
07:46Now, I want you down there nine o'clock tomorrow night.
07:48I'm a stickler for punctuality.
07:50All right?
07:51Now then, I'm going to bed.
07:53Oh, yeah, by the way, excuse me a minute, Janice.
07:56Sorry, Janice.
07:56Yeah, your bondage ropes, they're in the garage, all right?
08:00And the granddaddy's washed your whip and he's put it in the airing cupboard.
08:04I don't think it's shrunk.
08:06Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone and I shall just say a Buenos Aires.
08:15Janice!
08:16Janice, he was only...
08:17You rotten dick, though!
08:26Well, I'll leave it all in your capable hands then, Rodders.
08:30Yeah, cheers, girl.
08:32You realise this job's going to mess up my love life, don't you?
08:35Right?
08:35Why?
08:36I'm giving you every second Sunday off, aren't I?
08:38Yeah, but Janice is only going to be happy with that, is she?
08:41I mean, while I'm down here at night, she could be going out to someone else.
08:44Now, look, don't worry about that.
08:46What do you think I'm all dressed up for like this, eh?
08:50Taking Janice out for a meal.
08:52You're taking Janice out?
08:53Of course I am.
08:55For your sake.
08:55Otherwise, she might be going out with somebody else.
08:58Yeah.
09:01Yeah.
09:03Cheers, Del.
09:06But if she's...
09:07Why are you wearing plimp soles?
09:09What?
09:10So, why are you wearing plimp soles?
09:13Don't you think they mar the overall symmetry of the uniform somewhat?
09:17Well, I can run faster in these.
09:20Well, I mean, give chase, you know, pursue and detain, sort of.
09:23No, nothing happens round here.
09:28Quiet as a grave.
09:30Well, I'll see you in the morning then, Rodders.
09:33Take care now.
09:36Yeah.
09:36Don't worry about me, Del.
09:39I'll be all right.
09:40I'll be all right.
09:40I'll be all right.
09:42I'll be all right.
10:00Oh, my God.
10:30Oh, there you are, Granddad.
10:37Here you go.
10:38Look at that.
10:39Look at that.
10:40It's beautiful, isn't it?
10:41Beautiful.
10:42It's going to earn our fortunes, this is, Granddad.
10:44Come on, Rodney.
10:45It's ten to nine.
10:47I used to be a security officer, you know, before the war.
10:51Blimey, do you mean say that somebody actually trusted you with their property?
10:55It's like trusting a piranha fish with your finger.
11:00Or worse.
11:03Oh, yeah.
11:04It was a big warehouse over Kilburn Way.
11:07Stocked everything from bedroom suites to kiddies' toys.
11:12Well, as this fellow used to work there, used to arrive every morning in a big, wolsey car.
11:18He wore a camel's hair overcoat, kid gloves, and he always carried a brand new leather attache case, and he smoked expensive cigars.
11:30Well, call it intuition if you like, but I was suspicious of him.
11:37And why?
11:38Well, we were only a sweeper up.
11:42Well, how do you do it, Holmes?
11:47Anyhow, one night as he was leaving, I stopped him and I searched his attache case.
11:55It were empty.
11:55Still, unperturbed by this minor hiccup in my investigation, I stopped him and searched his attache case every night for an whole year.
12:07Then he left.
12:10I wonder why.
12:12I don't remember.
12:14I think he claimed someone was victimising him.
12:17No unions in them days, see?
12:21Ah, well, this is it, isn't it, eh?
12:23Yeah.
12:25Anyway, a couple of weeks after he left, the auditors come.
12:29You know what they discovered?
12:31What?
12:31We was missing 348 attache case.
12:37What, you mean, you'd been searching the stolen gear?
12:41Yeah.
12:42And I'd got done for it.
12:45Fingerprints.
12:46Oh.
12:47There's a moral to this story, dear boy, but for the life of me, I can't find it.
12:54I don't think I'm going to bother to look either, Grandad.
12:57Hello, the son of the bride of Dracula.
12:59Oh, here he is.
13:00What time is it?
13:01The time is nearly nine o'clock.
13:03Nine?
13:04Oh, I'm going to be late if I don't get a move on.
13:06No, no, it's all right, there's no worry.
13:07No, no, go on, no rush, sit down, take it easy.
13:10That's it, go on.
13:11Let me get you a cup of tea, all right?
13:12Oh, yeah.
13:13Here you go, then.
13:13Are you still taking my part with Janice?
13:15Yes.
13:16Yes.
13:16Don't worry, I won't let you down.
13:18Cheers, Dale.
13:19Yes.
13:19How am I doing?
13:20Very well.
13:21Very well.
13:22Yes.
13:23One more steak meal could crack it.
13:25Yeah?
13:26Hmm.
13:26I haven't done this well with a girl for a long time.
13:29You're like me, Rodney.
13:31I've never, ever found it easy to get girlfriends.
13:35I wonder why.
13:37Hey, it's still light out.
13:39It's broad daylight.
13:40No, of course it would be, wouldn't it?
13:41Nine o'clock in the morning.
13:42What do you expect?
13:43Nine o'clock in the morning?
13:45I thought it was nine at night.
13:46I've only been in bed 20 minutes.
13:47What are you waiting for?
13:49Sit down and sit down.
13:50It's all right.
13:51All right.
13:52Don't exaggerate.
13:5320 minutes.
13:54Listen, I want to discuss something very important with you, you see.
13:56What could be that important, eh?
13:58Well, I haven't got Janice into trouble, have we?
14:00Don't be silly.
14:02At least I hope not.
14:03No.
14:05Listen, I want to talk to you, you see.
14:07Now, this night security job of yours is merely a tiny part of my immaculate scheme.
14:13What immaculate scheme?
14:14The tourist trade, Rodney.
14:15The tourist trade.
14:17See, do you realise that over 2,000 tourists pour into London every day, and I happen to
14:21know, despite the fact that tourism has never been so high, the coach party trade is
14:25falling off.
14:25Now, why, you may ask.
14:27Yeah, why is that, Del?
14:29Well, since you ask, I will tell you, Rodney.
14:31The reason is, your average tourist gets fed up, doesn't he?
14:34I've seen the same old places, like the Houses of Parliament, Buckhouse, the National Gallery.
14:40You know, once you've seen one Rubens, you've seen them all.
14:43Now, this is where a dynamic person like me steps in.
14:47Wake up while your brother's being dynamic.
14:49Sorry.
14:49Go on.
14:50Yeah, right.
14:51You see, out there, Rodney, out there's a new, vibrant, exciting London awaiting to be
14:57discovered.
14:57Is there?
14:58Yeah.
14:59Of course there is.
15:00Ethnic London.
15:02Ethnic London?
15:03Yeah.
15:04Yes, you know, all those romantic places that you've only heard about in fairy tales.
15:09You know, the Lee Valley Viaduct.
15:11Right?
15:12The glow of Lower Edmonton at dusk.
15:16The excitement of a walkabout in Croydon.
15:19Yeah.
15:20Look.
15:21Look what I've had printed.
15:22Oh, I don't believe this.
15:25Trotter's ethnic tours.
15:27What's all this squiggly stuff and the Chinese?
15:30The squiggly stuff.
15:30The squiggly.
15:31That is Arabic, isn't it?
15:32And the Chinese is Japanese.
15:33It's a well-known fact that 90% of all foreign tourists come from abroad.
15:37So, we've got to speak their lingo, ain't we?
15:40We?
15:40We're French.
15:41I like it.
15:42Already you're picking up the lingo, sir.
15:45That is what I call enthusiasm, Rodney.
15:48I weren't speaking in French, Del.
15:49I meant, what do you mean, we?
15:51We, us, you know, us, yeah.
15:53You know, because it's a family enterprise, isn't it?
15:55Granddaddy will sell the programmes.
15:57I shall be the courier.
15:59And you, Rodney, you have got the best job of all
16:02because you will drive the bus.
16:05Ding, ding.
16:06Hold tight, everybody.
16:07Rodney's coming, eh?
16:09Be another wage, Rodney.
16:11I've already got a wage, Del.
16:12Yeah, but you can't afford to live on what I pay you, can you?
16:15I don't know, Del, how much you're paying me.
16:16Well, not a lot.
16:18Not a lot.
16:19So, you know, I can't afford to.
16:20See, well, I've done a deal.
16:23You see, with a bus garage.
16:25What happened was, I provided them with a night, well, no, no, no, no, nocturnal security
16:29operating, see, and they provide me with an open-top bus.
16:33That saves the exchange of any cash, you know, stops all the paperwork.
16:36And income tax.
16:37Income tax, yeah.
16:39Hey?
16:41Come on, what about it, Rodney?
16:42Hey, a lot of work and effort has gone into this enterprise.
16:46Hey?
16:46My granddad, he was uptown this morning at the crack of dawn, distributing all these leaflets
16:51to every hotel, boarding house, and hostel he could find.
16:55Granddad, he believes in this scheme, don't you, granddad?
16:59Epic tours, it's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard of, see?
17:04Del, you can't expect me to work all night, then in the morning drive a busload of tourists
17:09round ethnic London.
17:11I've got to sleep, Del.
17:12My old buddy's crying out for sleep.
17:15Yeah, yeah.
17:17I'll tell you what I'll do.
17:18I'll get you some assistance at the garage, eh?
17:21And then you can have a kip.
17:22I'll get you, er, I'll get you an ex-police dog.
17:25An ex-police dog?
17:27Yeah.
17:28Now, do you fancy some breakfast?
17:30Oh, I wouldn't say no, Del.
17:31Good, great.
17:32Come on, then.
17:33Off we go.
17:33There you go, innit?
17:34While you're in there, make me a bacon sandwich, all right?
17:36Where are you going to get an ex-police dog from?
17:42I'll get him, I'll get him Nero.
17:45Who's Nero?
17:46Nero.
17:48Janice's Corgi.
18:06We clearly stated on our leaflets that nine o'clock was departure time.
18:16Here we are, 11.30.
18:18No sign on them.
18:19I've told you before, no-one will turn up.
18:22Yes, they will.
18:24As soon as the word spreads about a bit, they'll be here in droves.
18:27Now, the only thing that worries me is, is a 59-seater bus going to be big enough?
18:32I mean, perhaps we should have had two, you know, maybe three.
18:34A tandem would be too big.
18:36Leave me out, will you?
18:38I'll bet you not one single tourist arrives.
18:43I'll bet you 50 quid they do.
18:45Right, 50 quid, you're on.
18:48Right, then.
18:48All right.
18:49Right.
18:49Right.
18:50Right.
18:51Right.
18:51Shut up, you two, will you?
18:54I didn't get a wink of sleep last night, taking that rotten dog for walkies and what have you.
19:00It's a funny kind of police dog, that deal.
19:02It saw a cat and run a mile.
19:04Ah, well, cats aren't Nero's strong point.
19:08Show him a burglar and it becomes a tower of strength.
19:12Where's all these tourists in?
19:14I thought we'd be having an ethnic look round Chingford by now.
19:16Don't worry, they'll be here.
19:21Shut up, you.
19:23How much are you charging them for this tour then?
19:2517 quid each.
19:2917 pounds for a walkabout in Croydon?
19:32Well, that includes lunch, doesn't it?
19:34Traditional British fare.
19:36Donner kebab, something like that.
19:38Donner kebab.
19:39For 17 knicker, I'd want Donna Summers.
19:42Well, you would, wouldn't you, you tightwad?
19:44Now, these tourists, they don't mind splashing out before I didn't get in value for money.
19:49Now, look at that.
19:50They'll snap these souvenirs of oldie London up, they will.
19:54Huh.
19:55It's a snip, that is, out of five or a go.
19:57Almost alabaster, you know.
19:59You're going to sell them models of a Roman statue,
20:02now housed in the Louvre Gallery in Paris,
20:04for souvenirs of old London?
20:06It's the Venus de Milo, Del.
20:09No, that is Baudesia, that is, isn't it?
20:12Baudesia rode round in a chariot with big swords sticking out the wheels.
20:16All right, so she fell off her chariot.
20:20Just trying to rip them off, aren't you?
20:23Au contraire, Rodney.
20:24Au contraire.
20:26Oh.
20:27I don't want to leave them potless.
20:29I want them to have some money in their pockets.
20:31At least enough for us to have a tip.
20:33As a courier,
20:34what do you actually know about these obscure places you intend to drag them to?
20:39Oh, no.
20:41Nothing.
20:42At least twice as much as they know.
20:44Don't worry, I shall bluff them, Rodney.
20:46I shall use the old spiel.
20:47If they ask me any questions that I find a bit dodgy to answer,
20:50I shall just say,
20:51I can't understand their English.
20:53Huh?
20:53Don't worry.
20:55Be a doddle.
20:58Oh.
20:59I mean, today,
21:00I shall take them down to Shoreditch
21:01and show them the house where Sherlock Holmes was born.
21:06Sherlock Holmes was fictional.
21:08Was he?
21:09Oh, well, I'll just say his house got blown up during the war.
21:11Tomorrow,
21:13I shall take them to the summit of Mount Pleasant.
21:16The summit of Mount Pleasant?
21:19What's the matter with you, Grandad?
21:20Can't you stay at heights or something?
21:21Mount Pleasant hasn't got a summit.
21:24All it's got is a big post office sorting depot.
21:27That's ethnic, isn't it, eh?
21:31We can give them a guided tour of the depot.
21:33You know, show them the workers getting the most from the post.
21:37I said, stay awake.
21:38If I was you,
21:39they'll be here and there are hundreds in a minute.
21:48Take them over to North London.
21:50You know, show them where Jack the Ripper was buried.
21:53Nobody knows where Jack the Ripper was buried.
21:55Well, they can't prove me wrong then, can they, eh?
22:00Shall we give them another five minutes and go, Bill?
22:03Yeah, all right.
22:04Take the bus back to the garage
22:05and you can begin your night shift, all right?
22:07Cheers, Bill.
22:08I want you back first thing in the morning, though.
22:11And don't forget to take Nero out
22:13so he can do his business, all right?
22:28Pina lager, Rodney.
22:30Yes?
22:30I sold right out of Pina Coladas, Bill,
22:33so I got your Mackieson instead.
22:35Oh, thank God.
22:36That's good thinking.
22:38Yes, thank you, Grandad.
22:39What are you going to do
22:43if the tourists start asking about the history of places?
22:46I mean, say one of them wants to know
22:47how the Elephant and Castle got this name.
22:50Well, I'll just say, um...
22:53Once upon a time,
22:54Richard the Lionheart,
22:56or Coeur de Lyon,
22:57as the French used to call him,
22:59which he did not like one little bit...
23:01See where a little bit of intimate knowledge
23:03goes a long way in impressing people?
23:05Well, I'll say that he had a castle situated
23:07roughly near the roundabout.
23:12Oh, say, uh...
23:14Hannibal and his elephants,
23:16they lay siege to the castle,
23:19and Bob's your uncle.
23:21Across the Alps?
23:23Huh?
23:24I know, on his way to the castles.
23:27And the natives who had never seen an elephant,
23:29they were sorely afraid.
23:32And that is how it became known in that area
23:35as the Elephant and Castle.
23:38If they'd never seen an elephant before,
23:41how did they know it was an elephant?
23:46For God's sake, Grandad,
23:48an elephant's a bloody elephant, isn't it?
23:49I mean, you can't lodge that.
23:51I mean, you can't look at an elephant and say,
23:52I know, we'll call this place the Cowan Castle.
23:55You can't do that, can you?
23:57But you're not telling them the truth, are you?
23:59The truth.
24:00The truth.
24:00You're so naive, Rodders.
24:03The truth is only relative
24:05to what you can earn from a lie.
24:07Einstein.
24:08I'll tell you one truth
24:09that you won't earn a brass farthing out of.
24:12No-one's gonna turn up.
24:14They will turn up.
24:16They've got to.
24:17This time next year,
24:18we'll be millionaires.
24:22You said that this time last year.
24:25No, you're eating, ain't you?
24:26Now, I wanted to do this for years, Rodney.
24:34I always thought,
24:35if we could make a success of it,
24:37that eventually we would go legit.
24:40You know, we would register the name
24:41Trotters Independent Traders
24:43as a proper McCoy company.
24:48I have this dream.
24:50You and I own this skyscraper office block
24:52on the South Bank.
24:53And we're standing on the balcony
24:56in a penthouse suite
24:57with a couple of sorts.
25:00Gabrielle.
25:02Bianca.
25:05Braless, but with class.
25:08Yeah, did you know your Janice
25:09doesn't wear a bra?
25:10Yeah, I know.
25:10Oh, you know.
25:12We're in a penthouse
25:13full of rubber plants
25:14and pine tongue and groove
25:16and we're sipping
25:17red drinks.
25:21And above us,
25:22on top of the skyscraper
25:23in 50-foot-high neon lettering
25:25are the initials
25:27of Trotters Independent Traders.
25:30Good, isn't it, eh?
25:32Terrific, Del.
25:33Yeah.
25:34No, they've got to come.
25:36My dream starts
25:37the way every success starts.
25:39Got a great big rip-off.
25:41Del, Grandad's right.
25:43No-one's going to turn up.
25:44Yes, they will.
25:45You wait and see.
25:48I think that dream of yours
25:49contains a subliminal message.
25:51Yeah.
25:53You what?
25:53A sort of subconscious truth.
25:56You see this skyscraper
25:57belonging to Trotters
25:58Independent Traders, right?
26:00Yeah.
26:01And on the roof
26:01are the company's initials
26:03and you're standing
26:03on the penthouse balcony.
26:06Well, don't you see
26:07what the dream's
26:07trying to tell you?
26:08As you're standing
26:09on that balcony
26:10with your red drink
26:11just above your head
26:12in 50-foot-high
26:13neon lettering
26:14is the word
26:15tip.
26:27Come on, let's call it a day.
26:35You owe me 50 quid
26:37on that bet, eh?
26:39Oh, all right,
26:41you old pessimist.
26:45Sigh.
26:46What about our wages then, Bill?
27:05Oh, yeah.
27:06I meant to talk to you
27:07about that.
27:08I thought that was
27:31going to be
27:31the big one, Rodney.
27:32I thought I was
27:33going to be
27:33the Freddy Laker
27:34of the highways.
27:35Nice try, Bill.
27:36Yeah.
27:37I don't understand it,
27:38though.
27:38I just don't understand it.
27:40Grandad distributed
27:41a thousand litres.
27:42A thousand!
27:43You'd have thought
27:44that one,
27:44just one bunter,
27:46might have been interested.
27:48Still,
27:49as dear old mum
27:50used to say,
27:51it's better to know
27:52you've lost
27:53than not to know
27:54you've won.
27:56Dear old mum,
27:58I used to say
27:59some bloody
27:59stupid things.
28:02Chuck this down
28:03a chute.
28:0430,
28:0535,
28:0640,
28:0745,
28:0750.
28:09Well,
28:10that weren't
28:10too bad,
28:11was it,
28:11Rodney?
28:12I've had two days
28:14away from the
28:14housework,
28:16a nice little
28:16drink,
28:17and I've won
28:18meself a 50
28:19quid bet.
28:20Very nice.
28:22Very nice
28:23indeed.
28:25Where's
28:26Del Boy?
28:27Oh,
28:27he's just
28:27gone to chuck
28:28that sign down
28:29a dust shoe.
28:29Ah,
28:31a dust shoe?
28:33Oh,
28:33my God.
28:36Braindead!
28:37Come here,
28:41you senile
28:42old parasite.
28:43It wasn't me,
28:44Del Boy.
28:45It was me
28:46brain.
28:47It wasn't
28:47your...
28:48I'll
28:48brain you
28:49if I catch
28:50hold of you.
28:50Come here,
28:51get it.
28:52Shut up and
28:53all.
28:53What's that?
28:58You've got
29:00some odd
29:00prospectors,
29:01some miles
29:02and miles
29:02of carpet
29:03tires,
29:03TVs,
29:04deep
29:04frees,
29:05and David
29:05Bowie
29:05OPs,
29:06all games,
29:07gold chains,
29:08worst names,
29:08and Edda
29:09Push,
29:09and Trevor
29:09Francis,
29:10track suits
29:11from a
29:11Mushin
29:11Shepard's
29:12Bush,
29:12Bush,
29:12Bush,
29:13Bush,
29:13Bush,
29:14Bush,
29:14Bush,
29:14Bush,
29:15No income
29:16tax,
29:16no VAT,
29:18no money
29:19back,
29:19no guarantee,
29:21black or white,
29:23rich or broke,
29:24a will cut
29:25prices and a
29:27straw.
29:30God bless
29:30Hooky Street,
29:32Viva
29:33Hooky Street,
29:35Long live
29:37Hooky Street,
29:38Hooky Street,
29:41Hooky Street,
29:45Hooky Street,
29:47Hooky Street,