- 17 hours ago
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:30Why do only foes and horses work?
00:33La la la la, la la la la la la la la
00:38Did you manage, Grandad?
00:44Yeah, I think so, did you?
00:46Good, mind your earn, yeah.
00:49Yeah, that's not bad, you know.
00:51Not bad.
00:52I reckon we've done well there.
00:53Yeah, it's all right for you.
00:56Waste of money, if you ask me.
00:58Come all this way and all.
01:00What do you mean a waste of money?
01:02I mean, look at them, they're beautiful, aren't they?
01:04Not only are they an exquisite ornament
01:06guaranteed to brighten and adorn any sideboard,
01:08but they are also
01:10a revolving musical box.
01:14They are China cats that play
01:16How Much Is That Doggy In The Window.
01:18What do you want for £1.25?
01:23Oakley Bleed No Much?
01:26Well, don't you think it's a bit sick?
01:28You know, a cat playing a song about a dog?
01:32No.
01:33It means they're unique.
01:35It means there was a balls up at the factory
01:38and they put the wrong chimes in.
01:41Yeah.
01:43Yeah, I'll put the wrong chimes in you in a minute.
01:45Come on.
01:46Get this stuff loaded into the pan, right?
01:49Get this gear in here.
01:51Hold on, then.
01:51Actually, you know, he's got a point there.
01:55I bet there's some trader somewhere
01:56who's got lumbered with a gross and revolving dog
01:59to play the Siamese cat song.
02:01Very funny.
02:03Come on, Grandad.
02:04We want you in here and all.
02:05Go on.
02:05In you go.
02:06All right, all right.
02:07Jammer me in.
02:08Go on.
02:08The door will hold him in.
02:11Come on.
02:16Don't worry.
02:17We're going to learn out of this.
02:20Now, listen.
02:21This is not rubbish, you know.
02:23This is North Korea's finest porcelain.
02:28But our two great cultures have a different attitude towards animals.
02:32We are both a nation of dog lovers.
02:34The only difference is they love to eat them.
02:39Come on, Rodders.
02:40Keep your finger out.
02:40We've got a long drive home.
02:50Do they really eat them?
02:53Yeah.
02:55Would I lie to you?
02:57Now, if a North Korean came to live in London,
02:59he'd think that Battersea Dog Zone was a takeaway.
03:01No, there's nothing they like more than a nice plate of poodle kebabs.
03:10Oh, leave it out, will ya?
03:13Or bull terrier pie.
03:15Oh, my dear boy, that's enough.
03:20Or sweet and sour greyhound.
03:21Boy, one more out of you,
03:26and I'm going to be sick on your sheepskin,
03:28and I mean it.
03:37Come on, put your foot down, Rodney.
03:39I'm starving.
03:41I could just go a nice Jack Russell and chips.
03:44Oh, for the last time, shut up.
03:46Hey, look, should we pull over and give her an hand?
03:52Do me a favour.
03:53I want to get home for the pubs.
03:54We can't just leave her stuck out here in the middle of nowhere, can we?
03:57You're a right little angel, you are, anyway.
04:00Go on, then.
04:01Go on, pull over.
04:10Good afternoon, madam.
04:11Can I be of any assistance?
04:12Oh, that's awfully nice of you.
04:14Do you know anything about cars?
04:16Do I know anything about cars?
04:18I used to drive for the John Player special team.
04:21On the Grand Prix circuit?
04:23No, delivering fags round Moose.
04:27He's a car, doesn't he?
04:31I'm trying to get to Ridgemere Hall.
04:34It's that large estate about five miles back up the road.
04:37Ridgemere Hall?
04:39That's that big mansion what we passed, Del.
04:42You in service there?
04:44Certainly not.
04:45I live there.
04:46I'm Lady Ridgemere.
04:49Lady Ridgemere?
04:51Rodney, get the tow rope.
04:54Would you come with me, my lady?
04:57I'll get you home in no time at all.
05:00Here we are.
05:01Did you go to the wedding?
05:02The wedding?
05:07Oh, the wedding.
05:09Yes, we did.
05:09Yeah, it was a lovely do, wasn't it?
05:11We watched it on our telly.
05:13In colour.
05:15It's a pity we didn't know you then,
05:16because we were doing a lovely line in toasters.
05:19And we'd made a blinding present.
05:22May I?
05:23Now it's it.
05:25Mind the old.
05:25Oh.
05:26Fire on the undue to tow rope
05:55and give Grandaddy's scarf back, will you?
06:00Is everything all right, milady?
06:03No, Wallace. Everything is not all right.
06:06The car broke down and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere.
06:10How dreadful for you.
06:12And who are these people?
06:18Oh, they towed me home, that's all.
06:21Now, be a good chap, Wallace, and do push the car around to the garage.
06:24Very well, milady.
06:28Oi, you shouldn't be pushing a car like that at your age.
06:32Keep your knees bent and your back straight.
06:34Did you hear that?
06:46And who are these people?
06:49Ponce.
06:50Come, Del, let's go.
06:52Here you are, Grandad.
06:53Go?
06:54What do you mean, go?
06:56You don't think I'm leaving here without so much as a cucumber sandwich
06:59and a cup of earl grey, do you?
07:00This is fate, Rodney.
07:02Unison opportunaire.
07:04There's got to be an earner in it.
07:05Oh, no, come on, Del.
07:08Most nobility are brassic nowadays, aren't they?
07:10Oh, yeah.
07:11Where do you think they get them from, then, eh?
07:12Out of a Christmas cracker?
07:14Yeah, all right.
07:15So they got the money, but they don't want to know the likes of us, do they?
07:18No, they think we're peasants.
07:21Peasants?
07:22What do you mean, peasants?
07:24They may think that you two are peasants.
07:27Well, come to that, I think you two are peasants.
07:30But me, I'm one of them that is accepted anywhere.
07:33Whether it is drinking lager with the market boys down at Nine Elms
07:37or sipping Pim's fruit cup at Hendon Regatta.
07:43Oh, yeah, eyes down to the full house, it's his lordship.
07:48Say, I'm sorry, I'm afraid we're not open to the public for another three weeks.
07:53No, no, your grace, you're under a misapprehension.
07:56We're not members of the general public, we're friends of your wife's.
08:00She's just popped a car round the garages.
08:02Oh, I see.
08:02Well, in that case, I suppose you'd better come in.
08:06Oh, right.
08:07Thanks very much, your grace.
08:12And, oi, these are very refined people,
08:15and they do not wish to hear your joke about the queer magician.
08:18Got it?
08:21And don't you go dropping none in there.
08:23Very nice.
08:32Very nice.
08:34They don't make pictures like that anymore, do they, eh?
08:36No.
08:37Because I'm a great fan of the Byzantine period myself.
08:39I don't think you can whack them, you know.
08:41You know, it's a funny thing, you know, your lordship,
08:43but Van Coff happens to be my favourite artist and all.
08:48It's a can of leto.
08:49I beg your pardon, Rodney.
08:53It's a can of leto.
08:59No.
09:00I know it's a can of leto.
09:02I was just saying that Van Coff happens to be one of my favourite artists, that's all.
09:07Here, why do you reckon he chopped his ear roll off him?
09:10Doctor's orders, possibly?
09:11Do you think so?
09:12Your brandy, sir?
09:14Oh, thank you very much.
09:15I'm afraid we have run out of cream soda.
09:18Oh, well, don't worry about it, Wallace.
09:20I shan't, sir.
09:23Certainly.
09:24Gives good measures here, doesn't it?
09:25You want to watch him.
09:26Hmm.
09:27Very nice.
09:28Very nice.
09:29Ah!
09:30Ha-ha!
09:30There he is.
09:31Look at that.
09:32Ha-ha-ha.
09:32Lovely.
09:33I didn't know you went to Cambridge, though, my lord.
09:36Of course, I'm an Oxford man myself.
09:39You were up at Oxford?
09:40No, but he always supports them in the boat run.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Thank you, Grandadad.
09:46You must be in a hurry to get home, Mr Trotter.
09:48Oh, no, no, no, my lady.
09:50No, no, no.
09:51No, we've got all the time in the world.
09:53All the time in the world.
09:57Yeah.
09:58I love this place.
09:59Beautiful, isn't it?
10:00Beautiful house.
10:01Because I think I saw a photograph of it once in the, er, horse and hound.
10:05The horse and hound?
10:06You hunt, Mr Trotter.
10:08Oh, yes.
10:08I hunt, punt and ski when the snow's firm enough.
10:11So, how old is it?
10:14Er, is what?
10:15How old is what?
10:15The house.
10:16Is it old?
10:17Yes.
10:17The original structure was built in 1642.
10:21Oh.
10:22Still, you've done it out nice.
10:25Is it haunted?
10:27Oi, what are you after?
10:28A part-time job or something?
10:29No, I'm afraid the one thing we lack is a resident ghost.
10:34Oh.
10:35Never mind, you've still got Wallis, haven't you?
10:37Yes, Wallis, what is it?
10:38I'm begging your pardon, my lord.
10:40There's a telephone call for you.
10:41The chandelier people.
10:43Ah, and about time to, er, you will excuse me, won't you?
10:47Yes, go on.
10:48You take your time, my lord?
10:50Oh, this is nice.
10:51I see you like a bit of china and porcelain, my lady.
10:53Yeah, this is very nice, this.
10:55Oh.
10:57Oh.
10:58I like this.
10:59Now, don't tell me, don't tell me, er, Capo del Monte.
11:03It's mostly Dresden, and that particular piece is worth several hundred pounds.
11:08Is she really?
11:09Go on, get away.
11:10Feel the weight of that then, Rodney.
11:12Yeah, it is, isn't it, eh?
11:13Yeah, of course, that's where the money is, isn't it?
11:14In the weight.
11:15Yeah, well, mon dieu, mon dieu.
11:18If you like a nice piece of fine porcelain, I've got the very thing for you in the back of the van.
11:25Don't inconvenience yourself, Mr Trotter.
11:27No, no, it's no trouble, my lady, no trouble.
11:29I picked it up in this little antique shop in Yeovil.
11:33Well, it's, um, it's, well, Circa, something or other.
11:37I'll pop out and fetch one for you, shall I?
11:39All right.
11:40Keep sprancing, all right?
11:42Excuse me, my lady.
11:43Where do you live?
11:52That is, assuming you're not squatting here.
11:56No, um, we live in London.
11:59One of, one of the better parts of London.
12:02Yeah, Peckham.
12:03Well, it's, um, Peckham Village, actually.
12:08It's, um, well, it's like a little St John's Wood, you know, just south of the water.
12:13Yeah, it's very nice.
12:14We've got a flat in a tower block.
12:16Well, it's an apartment in a complex.
12:20A tall complex.
12:22Very sophisticated, actually.
12:24It's got lifts, everything.
12:27Yes, must be quite valuable with the price of property these days.
12:32Oh, no, we rent it.
12:35No, we lease it.
12:37He forgets, bless him.
12:39He's got a bit of shrapnel, just...
12:41It's a lease, Grandad.
12:43Do you remember?
12:44A long-term lease.
12:45Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:46We lease it.
12:48The council said we could buy it for £8,000.
12:52Go on, help us.
12:53Yes, yes, but it must be in your office somewhere.
12:58All I know is your people came down here, examined the chandeliers.
13:02That was three weeks ago, and I am still waiting for your estimate.
13:06Yes, I suggest that you have another good look.
13:10Yes, I'll hold on.
13:13Beasque porcelain.
13:16What?
13:16Demi-glazed, it revolves and plays.
13:19How much is that doggy in the window?
13:21You can't go wrong for a fiver, can you, eh?
13:23Oh, I suppose not.
13:24No.
13:25Don't be long, I'll pour you a drink, all right?
13:28Now, just a minute, Totter, Totter.
13:31How much is that doggy in the window?
13:34Don't know, depends how much you want to spend.
13:37Little joke.
13:37No, no.
13:38What is he doing?
13:38It's the tune, isn't it?
13:39How much is that doggy in the window?
13:42The one with the waggly tail?
13:43Yes, yes, yes, I know.
13:45The thing is a cat.
13:46Oh, well, you're right and all.
13:53It's times like this that I wish I went to Cambridge.
13:57Tell you what, I'll pour you a drink.
13:58Don't be long.
14:00Hello?
14:00Oh, are you fine, dear?
14:01Good.
14:011,200 pounds?
14:05Are you sure you're looking at the right paperwork?
14:07Yes, two Louis XIV chandeliers, that's right.
14:10But how do you arrive at a figure of 1,200 pounds?
14:13All you've got to do is to take the things down,
14:15clean them, do a few minor repairs.
14:17Yes, I am aware that it is 17th century French crystal.
14:21I own the damn things.
14:23Yes, I know it's a job for an expert.
14:25That's why I got in touch with you.
14:26But I'm sure if I shopped around,
14:27I could find a lower estimate than that.
14:30Yes, I know that it is a dying trade.
14:34But there must be someone, somewhere.
14:39Oh, sorry we can't stay any longer, you lordship.
14:43That's perfect, all right, toddler.
14:45Here you go.
14:46Go.
14:47Oh, toujours la politesse, toujours.
14:51I mean, this is beautiful, isn't it, mate?
14:53Bet you've held a few balls in here, my lady.
14:55What?
14:58Yes, we have.
15:00We like a nice social gathering ourselves.
15:02Perhaps you'd like to come to the next one, eh, Rodney?
15:05Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, just bring a bottle and an LP, something.
15:09Thank you for the cat, Mr. Trotter.
15:11It blends so well with the rest of my collection.
15:14Hmm, especially with the Dresden, I thought.
15:16Yes, I'm sorry we weren't able to pay you for it, but neither my husband or I carry cash.
15:21Oh, don't worry, pay me next time I'm down.
15:23Yes, of course.
15:25What do you mean, next time?
15:26Do you mean to say you're coming here again?
15:28Whatever for?
15:29To pick up that fiver, she owes it.
15:32All on mode, all on mode.
15:35Please accept it as a token of my esteem.
15:40Yes.
15:41Well, it's getting rather late, I think we'd better say goodbye, Mr. Trotter.
15:46Yeah.
15:46Well, thank you very much for your hospitality.
15:49It's been very nice of you.
15:50Oh, now, look at that.
15:52That's beautiful, isn't it, eh?
15:54Yes.
15:55Goodbye.
15:56French crystal?
15:57Yes, it is, actually.
15:59Yeah, 40-what.
16:00You can always tell by the old cut of the droplets.
16:0417th century, that, ain't it, Grandad?
16:07Yeah, if you like, Dale.
16:08I'd say it was one of the Louise's.
16:10If it ain't one of the Louise's, it's very similar, ain't it, Rodney?
16:14Oh, it's the Dave Renadale, yeah.
16:16But is it Louis XIII or Louis XIV?
16:21Now, don't tell me, Lordship, I can get this.
16:25That is Louis XIV.
16:26Am I right, Lordship?
16:27Spot on, Trotter.
16:29How'd you come to know so much about chandeliers?
16:31Huh?
16:33How come we know so much about chandeliers?
16:42Oh, sorry.
16:43Sorry about that amusement there, Lordship.
16:45But, you see, asking a Trotter if he knows anything about chandeliers
16:48is like asking Mr Kipling if he knows anything about cakes.
16:53This is our business.
16:55Really?
16:56Oh, yeah.
16:58Chandelier, candelabra, quality crystal and what have you.
17:01It's been the family trade for generations.
17:03Well, knowledge has been passed down from father to son.
17:06Our name goes right back in history, doesn't it, wouldn't it?
17:08Yeah.
17:09Yeah.
17:10Yeah.
17:11Yeah.
17:12Yeah.
17:13Right the way back to the plague.
17:16Our forefathers used to make them.
17:18Did you know there are still four Trotters hanging in Buckingham Palace?
17:21Amazing.
17:22No, straight up.
17:23Of course, what with the advent of solar energy and fluorescent light, and there's not much
17:24called for it nowadays.
17:26In recent years, we've tended to specialise in the old renovation work.
17:28Do you mean to say that you can take that thing down and clean and repair it?
17:33Oh, yeah.
17:34Do that blindfold.
17:35Anyway, we mustn't keep you any later, so I'm going to say bon bouche to you both.
17:39No hurry, trotter, no hurry.
17:40I just remember, I've got a bottle of rather special pour through there in the study.
17:45What say we open it and have a bit of a chat, eh?
18:02very civil of you my lord don't be a plonker all your life rodney i've done the deal now
18:12it's 350 quid just to take down and clean a couple of chandeliers and do you honestly
18:16think he's gonna pay us of course he's gonna pay us he ain't one of your flyby night merchants
18:21i mean he's a lord of the realm he's got blue blood and and mottos he didn't even pay us for
18:28that cat oh shut up about that rotten cat girl you need specialized equipment for a job like this
18:35refined glass brushes advanced soldiering gear what we're gonna use eh super glue and a bottle
18:41of wind and lean i'll get the right equipment rodney i know this panel beater and he owes me a favor
18:48look once we've done this job our name will spread all those dukes and earls they'll be crying out for
18:53us can't just imagine it hey we'd be the toast of the county set hey just think of it all the
19:00hounds you know baying with excitement as our steeds bite on the reins eager for the chase whoa boy whoa
19:08oh hello teleo sir erbert did you ken john peel come on boy just take a look at him well he spent three
19:16hours in a stately home and he thinks he's the early sandwich you can't wait to get a shotgun and a
19:21retriever and go marching across the grouse mars all done up like a ploughman's lunch can you
19:28no that's right rodney i deserve a bit of good life i've worked hard enough for it
19:34i mean i've always been a trier yeah yeah where's it got me nowhere that's where it's got me
19:42we live half a mile up in the sky in this lego set built by the council
19:46run a three-wheel van with a ball tire we drink in wine bars the only thing that's got a vintage is
19:52the governor's wife that's why i want to grab this opportunity with both hands rodney you know
19:59he who dares wins this time next year we'll be millionaires do you honestly believe that del i mean
20:07do you really think we can make a success of this of course we can rodney the door will be open to a
20:14new world it'll be like like alex through the looking glass you will dine at the finest restaurants
20:21on on steak chasseur and saute potatoes your shoes will be made by gucci your jewelry will come from
20:29asbury's your clothes will be made by man at cna what you reckon rodney hey what you reckon
20:43man at cna
20:47yeah all right i'll give it a whirl good boy you know it makes sense don't you
20:50oi but we do a proper job right no budging of course not what do you take me for hey
20:55oi i'll save the best bit for you
21:03i'll see you in the morning then yeah see you in the morning
21:16no bodging i think he lacks faith in you dear boy
21:22it's always been his trouble ain't it ain't
21:23oi here do me a favor will you grandad pop out in the kitchen see if we got any winderlene and
21:30superglue left will you
21:35oi here
21:51now righto grandad you pop upstairs and get the floorboards up now you know what you're doing don't
21:55you don't you worry jill leave it to me right oh he's a craftsman
22:02hey grandad do you want a jemmy no had one before we left
22:12why does he have to remove the floorboards what is this the international year to wally brain or
22:18something listen my good man how do you think that great big heavy chandelier stays up there on that
22:24ceiling eh it is not by the power of prayer or double-sided sticky tape there is a long fretted
22:31bolt through that chandelier it goes through a wooden joist and is held in position by a locking nut
22:37now in order to undo the locking nut you must first lift up the floorboards oh dear the joe
22:42we learn something new every day hmm if you need me i shall be around at the garages right here while
22:50you're there give the van a wash will you ah talking of wally brains hey come on wait what's that
22:57i mean this is terrific ain't it what his lordship's nowhere to be seen and now even the butler's
23:04having a moody do you reckon we're gonna get paid look his lordship is away on holiday he'll pay us
23:09when he gets back now come on get these ladders up yeah you never know might be in for a bonus oh yeah
23:17perhaps he might bring us back a nice stick of rock each hey you'll just shut up moaning will you
23:21wait granddad how you doing all right dear boy
23:30i found it yeah i see he's found a nut i told you we could trust him right come on get this out
23:37i'll start to undo it yeah no go on very well even up the letters yeah granddad don't you touch nothing
23:45until we tell you come on we better get up there all right rodney is anything you want yeah i want to go
23:56home
23:56yeah i want to go home
23:59that is all right look this is the chance i've been waiting for now don't let me down rodney now don't
24:05let me down all right all right granddad we're ready you can start undoing it now
24:13it is coming down boy
24:26one more turn dell all right now brace yourself
24:43one more turn
24:52because i'm doing the other chandelier
24:58how can you tell
25:13what do you mean all right look at it
25:27how could we drop it we wasn't even holding it we was working on that one well i wish you'd have said something i was working on this one
25:44well i wish you'd have said something i was working on this one
25:56you're working on this one
25:59is it very valuable
26:04no not really
26:05It was bleeding priceless when it was hanging up there, though.
26:11What's his lordship going to say when he finds out?
26:14Well, I think I can safely say that my invitation to the Humble has gone for her, Bert.
26:22It's broken.
26:24What the hell do you know about chandeliers, anyway?
26:29I think he's tumbled, though.
26:30I should telephone his lordship at his cottage immediately.
26:34Yeah, well, tell him to phone us at home.
26:35Oh, and by the way, has his lordship got our home address and telephone number?
26:40No.
26:41Good. Right, out of it.
26:43Of course.
26:43Oh, and by the way, has his lordship got our home address and we've got our home address and we've got our home address and we've got our home address.
26:51We've got our home address and we've got our home address and we've got our home address.
26:58We've got our home address and we've got our home address and we've got our home address.
27:06We've got our home address and we've got our home address and we've got our home address.
27:15To check suits from a mission ship
27:17Push, push, push, push, push, push
27:20No income tax, no VAT
27:23No money back, no guarantee
27:26Black or white, rich or poor
27:29We'll cut prices at a straw
27:33God bless book history
27:37We love book history
27:40Long live book history
27:43Say 90 feet, book history
27:4690 feet, book history
27:49Book history
27:52Book history