- 2 days ago
First broadcast 30th January 1974.
The flatmates throw a party for the Ropers' wedding anniversary and Robin invites a German student Franz to come along.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Dennis Waterman - Franz Wasserman
The flatmates throw a party for the Ropers' wedding anniversary and Robin invites a German student Franz to come along.
Richard O'Sullivan - Robin
Paula Wilcox - Chrissy
Sally Thomsett - Jo
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Dennis Waterman - Franz Wasserman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Oh
02:00Oh, that's lovely.
02:05What's it, love? Make yourself a home.
02:08Oh, do you know I haven't talked to a soul all day?
02:11What about Mr Roper?
02:13Him?
02:13One grunt for yes, two grunts for no and a burp when he wants his dinner.
02:1620 years, I've heard that.
02:20Well, it'll be 20 years tomorrow.
02:22Your anniversary?
02:23Oh, fantastic.
02:25You go to see a show or something?
02:26Oh, yes, we'll see a show.
02:28Crossroads followed by a YA5O.
02:30Oh, he won't even remember.
02:33Well, couldn't you try dropping subtle hints?
02:35Hum the wedding march or the anniversary walls?
02:37No, dear, he's tone deaf.
02:38He'd probably stand to attention.
02:39Oh, you know, I do envy you, young people.
02:45The life you lead.
02:46Oh, there's nothing to it.
02:46You've just got to be flat broke.
02:48Yeah, but you know, there's your boyfriends and everything.
02:51Oh, and they're only after one thing.
02:52Oh, I do envy you, young people.
02:54Oh, I hate to be a pawnbroker sign on a night like this.
03:03Did you go to the doctors, George?
03:05Uh.
03:06Yes.
03:07Did he say anything, George?
03:08Uh-huh.
03:09No.
03:10It could be yes, yes.
03:11Right.
03:12I'll go and get your book.
03:14It's me back, you know.
03:15A wartime injury, of course.
03:17Oh, is that the time you were blown out of your bath by a buzz bomb?
03:21I mentioned it, did I?
03:22Yes, and you showed me your flannel full of shrapnel.
03:24Oh, really?
03:25I always reckoned Hitler knew when it was bath night round our way.
03:28Didn't be ruthless, these crowds.
03:30Well, that was a long time ago.
03:32No, it hasn't changed.
03:32Bad losers, you see.
03:34You never get them celebrating the Battle of Britain Day, do you?
03:38Incidentally, I believe tomorrow's going to be quite a special day for you.
03:41Tomorrow?
03:42What, Saturday?
03:43Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:44Oh, I'm looking forward to that.
03:45Arsenal versus Chelsea.
03:46Bound to be on the telly.
03:48It's a lost cause, love.
03:50It won't remember.
03:50Oh, that's men for you.
03:52Men?
03:53I'm thinking of sending him back under the Trades Descriptions Act.
03:58Hang on.
03:59I won't remember what.
04:01Da-dum-da-dum.
04:03Da-dum-da-dum.
04:05Da-dum-da-dum-da-dum.
04:07Da-dum-da-dum-da-dum.
04:09Da-dum-da-dum-da-dum.
04:09Yeah, all right, all right, all right.
04:11Happy birthday to who?
04:13Oh, you're still in there.
04:15It's your wedding anniversary.
04:17Oh, yeah, yeah.
04:19Look, if you haven't got any other plans, why don't you come up and have dinner with us tomorrow night?
04:26Oh, love, we couldn't put you to that amount of trouble.
04:29No, we'd love to have you.
04:31We really would.
04:32Oh.
04:34Hmm?
04:34Eh.
04:36Well, I'm not those two.
04:38Well, it's only for an evening.
04:39Yeah, but him and his wartime experiences.
04:42Well, you can learn to yawn with your mouth shut.
04:44Hey, have you stirred this tea?
04:46No.
04:47Oh.
04:48I just felt sorry for her.
04:49Twenty years of burping and grunting.
04:50It can't be much fun.
04:54Have you put sugar in this tea?
04:55No, that's why I didn't stir it.
04:59Oh.
05:01Sniffy out there.
05:02Here, grab hold of one before it drops.
05:03There's no doubt to that, really.
05:06Don't want to split my knackworks.
05:11Knackworks.
05:13Oh, won't have the cockles in your heart that well.
05:16Bit of sauerkraut on the side.
05:17Himmo.
05:18But for the main dish, we have chicken giblets, mushrooms, asparagus, onions, bay leaves, cloves,
05:25meat sausage.
05:26Tomorrow's main dish, Brandswager-Gilflugel-Klein.
05:29Listen, the roadbloods are never going to eat that.
05:31And a little cheerful wine, a little sweet little leaf from the Ropers.
05:35Yeah, Chrissie's invited them up for dinner tomorrow night.
05:39You haven't, you little kidder.
05:43You haven't.
05:45No, you haven't.
05:48You haven't.
05:50Oh, it's their wedding anniversary.
05:51Well, I'm sorry, you'll just have to cancel it because I'm invited France.
05:54What, all of it?
05:55Oh, France Wasserman from the Students' Union.
05:58I thought just the four of us would have a, you know, a cosy little dinner.
06:00Well, you can make it six, stretching that worst a bit.
06:03Oh, now listen.
06:06What was the first thing that struck you about France?
06:09He fancies me.
06:10No, no, no, that he's German.
06:12Well, the English rose type appeals to all nationalities.
06:15No, you're not quite getting the drift.
06:16What's the one thing that Mr Roper cannot stand?
06:19Mrs Roper.
06:22Germans, the Kaiser, Hitler, Doodlebugs, the V2.
06:24And worst of all, they knocked us out of the last World Cup.
06:27Oh, yeah.
06:27Listen, five forks, six people.
06:30We'll have to get the one out of the lavatory system.
06:35Would you care to translate that for me, please?
06:38Yeah.
06:38We used a fork to jam the ball cot when it was overflowing.
06:41Oh, I should have guessed, yes.
06:42And we'll have to take a long time over the soup course because we've only got teaspoons.
06:46Four.
06:47Well, four's enough.
06:48We need six.
06:49Four!
06:50I don't really think we can invite anyone with a tablecloth looking like this.
07:01Listen, you know what will happen if France and all Mr Roper sit at the same table, don't
07:04you, eh?
07:04Oh, we thrashed you Krauts twice.
07:07Oh, hey.
07:08We'll do it again.
07:11Oh, good evening.
07:13Look, couldn't you ask your friend another night?
07:15No, you see, France has just passed his exams and he's going back to Germany on Sunday.
07:19Anyway, I want his opinion on my brown-sweiger-giflukel claim.
07:22Well, post him a dollar for it.
07:23No, I'm sorry.
07:24You'll just have to cancel the ropes.
07:25I can't do that.
07:26Look, we've invited...
07:27Oh, you're not putting your underpants in with a napkin.
07:31Listen, it's 20p ago, whether it's full or not.
07:34Actually, come to think of it.
07:36Oh.
07:41Right.
07:41BBC or ITB?
07:47Oh, yes.
07:48Look, couldn't we tell Roper that Franz Vasserman is an old Welsh name?
07:51Oh, and what are we going to do about his accent?
07:53Well, he could slip in an occasional look you on in your dental goodness.
07:56Oh, come on, Krista.
07:57Krista, have you got change for the coffee machine?
07:58Mm, two.
08:00Well, I'm not going to be the one to tell the Ropers they can't come.
08:04Well, don't worry.
08:05I'll casually mention it in the pub tonight, OK?
08:08Oh, by the way, that's out of order.
08:10Oh, thank you very much.
08:14No, it's not.
08:15See?
08:15See?
08:16The coffee's coming out.
08:17Yep, and it's going right back in again.
08:19You forgot to put a cup underneath.
08:20Oh.
08:22Come on, come on.
08:23Come on, don't stop.
08:26Oh, well.
08:28At least it's half full.
08:29I know something you don't know.
08:31Oh!
08:33Now, you've got to get your washing powder in.
08:35Oh!
08:37I'll tell you something else as well.
08:38Well, those red underpants of yours aren't colourfast.
08:51What's happened to this tablecloth?
08:52It's gone all streaky.
08:53Oh, it's a long story involving a cheap Hong Kong underwear factory.
08:57Forget it.
08:58Listen, do you think we ought to get the Ropers a present?
09:00We could do.
09:01What's the 20th anniversary?
09:02China.
09:03Perhaps we could get them the thoughts of Chairman Mao.
09:06No, get them something useful.
09:08Set a forks, then.
09:09We can borrow them for dinner tomorrow night.
09:11No, no, no.
09:12They're not coming.
09:14Now, don't worry.
09:15I shall tell them.
09:16I'll find some tactful excuse.
09:19Like what?
09:19Well, I shall just tell them the truth.
09:21That the two of you have gone down with a touch of the Black Death.
09:24Oh, charming.
09:25Coupled with the fact that all the chairs have been eaten by soldier hens.
09:28Yeah, I grant you it sounds plausible.
09:30But why don't you be really subtle and brick up the stairs?
09:32Evening all.
09:33Hello.
09:33Hey ladies.
09:34Right, now's your chance.
09:35Right, right.
09:36I shall be firm.
09:37I've got it all worked out.
09:39What do I say?
09:40Mind if I join you?
09:41Oh, please.
09:41Yes, do.
09:42Oh, thank you, dear.
09:43Here we are.
09:45Actually, that's very good because, um...
09:48Chrissie's got something to say to you.
09:50Oh, have you laughed?
09:52Oh, is it about tomorrow night?
09:53What time do you want us?
09:54Um, well, actually, Robin's got all the details.
09:58Oh.
09:59Yes, well, it's...
10:00You see, it's like this.
10:04Have you got anything to say, Jo?
10:07No?
10:08Oh, I am looking forward to it.
10:10I've made an appointment to have my hair done.
10:11Really?
10:11Mm-hmm.
10:12And George is buying me a new dress for the occasion.
10:15He doesn't know it yet, but he is.
10:18You see, the whole point being, Mrs. Roper...
10:19Oh, I'm going to enjoy this so much more than last anniversary.
10:22Tea, telly, and him cutting his toenails.
10:26But, Mrs. Roper, there's something I've got to tell you.
10:29Yes, love?
10:31It's...
10:327.30 for eight.
10:33Oh.
10:34Oh, that's lovely.
10:36Where is George with those drinks?
10:38Oh, well done.
10:39Well, it might not be as bad as all that.
10:41I mean, maybe Franz and Mr. Roper,
10:43but they might get on very well together.
10:44Here, George, it's 7.30 for eight.
10:47Oh, oh, yeah, right.
10:48Well, we'll catch crossroads, then.
10:50Oh, Miss IY5O.
10:53Oh, for heaven's sake.
10:56Do you know he hasn't taken me out to eat since we were courting?
10:58Snoke Walton Pie in a civic restaurant.
11:01Oh, yeah, well, there was a war on then, wasn't there?
11:04I mean, the government asked us specifically to refrain from gallivanting.
11:06Yeah, but not 28 years after it was all over.
11:09Oh, you were engaged during the war, then?
11:11Oh, yes, love.
11:13What with the blackout and the gas masks,
11:15I didn't quite know what I was getting.
11:16Oh, great days, then, you know, the Blitz.
11:20Kraut throwing everything they had against us.
11:22One man standing between us and the jackboot of the young.
11:25One man keeping us going.
11:27I don't know how we'd have managed without Tommy Hanley.
11:30Yeah, the Germans are our friends now, aren't they?
11:33Now, they're Nazis, a lot of them.
11:34Mind you, we thrashed them twice.
11:36Oh, we could do that again.
11:41How long would it take to break up the stairs?
11:43LAUGHTER
11:44APPLAUSE
11:46APPLAUSE
12:29Right.
12:34Now.
12:38So have I done everything?
12:41Simmer my giblets.
12:42Sounds like a pirate's curse.
12:44Yes, it does, doesn't it?
12:45Ha-ha-ha! Simmer my giblets!
12:48Ha-ha-ha-ha!
12:50You've cheered up a bit since last night.
12:52Oh, well, it might not go as bad as all that.
12:55I mean, if old Roper does open his mouth,
12:56it'll be, ha-ha-ha, Jim lad,
12:58and I'll step a giblet up his mouth.
12:59Ha-ha-ha!
13:01Shall I open the wire?
13:02Yes, my dear.
13:03Yes, but pull, pull the cork.
13:05Don't push it.
13:06Oh, you've got no faith in me.
13:08Did you get an Roper's present?
13:10Yes.
13:11I decided against a dam
13:12and studied solid gold table lighter
13:13because Woolies was too crowded.
13:15Oh, dear, the tablecloth looks worse than I thought.
13:18You should see his underpants.
13:20What did you get?
13:20Well, a little bottle of perfume for her
13:23and cufflinks for him.
13:25Bloodstones to match his eyeballs.
13:26The box is a bit tacky.
13:28Yeah, but Robin's got a really nice box,
13:30red velvet with Bond Street on with.
13:31Let's shove him in that.
13:32Oh, crafty.
13:35Robin, you know that red velvet thingy
13:36you keep your wotsits in?
13:38What, when I'm playing rugby?
13:39The little box.
13:41The Bond Street.
13:42Yeah, yeah, it's in my bedroom somewhere.
13:44Yeah.
13:45Just a second.
13:45Ah, black pepper.
13:47Look, we'll just stick those in it.
13:48It'll make them look more expensive.
13:49Yes, yes, in the minute, in the minute.
13:51Actually, do you know,
13:52that's not going to fool anybody.
13:53It's already turned my palm cream.
13:55Well, I only had a couple of quid.
13:56They were the best on the barrel.
13:58Anyway, that is a box of yours.
13:59They're not quite nice.
14:00Will you stop nibbling at my bosom of schnitchen?
14:08You are going to put a tie on, aren't you, George?
14:10I mean, after all, it is a special occasion.
14:12Well, run down the moss, Ross,
14:14and I wear a monkey suit, if you like.
14:16Don't cross your legs.
14:17I'll put a crease in those pants.
14:19Yeah, well, I'm putting in a few more.
14:21Oh, my back and I'll play me up, Mildred.
14:23George, there is nothing wrong with your back.
14:26And I should know.
14:27I see enough of it in bed.
14:29Just here on the side it is.
14:31What?
14:32Oh, it roams about a bit, does it?
14:35You're a hypochondriac, George.
14:36Yeah, well, even hypochondriacs can get sick.
14:38I saw a medical programme once.
14:40Oh, well, I mean, you've only got to watch that thing,
14:42and whatever it is, you've got it.
14:43I mean, if it was Percy Thrower, you'd get root rot.
14:47The doctor says there is nothing wrong with you, George.
14:50Yeah, well, if I was a private patient,
14:52he'd soon find something wrong with me.
14:53Oh.
14:54Now, have you found that nice, clean, white anki I'll buy on for you?
14:56You know, the last time we met France, at the students' uni and dance?
15:06Yeah.
15:07He made an improper suggestion to me.
15:09Oh, what did he say?
15:10I don't know, cos it was all in German.
15:14Come on, girls, come on, girls.
15:15Look, where's the Schweetzinger Spiegel salad?
15:17Oh, straight down the corridor, second on the left.
15:18Mention my name, you'll get a good seat.
15:21Listen, have you got those cufflinks in that box yet?
15:23Listen, what cufflinks?
15:24This is supposed to be over here, not over there.
15:27Oh, it's all nosh.
15:28Nosh?
15:33Nosh?
15:35The cufflinks are on the workshop.
15:37Nosh?
15:38Look, Robin, are you going to warn the Ropers that France is German?
15:41Warn them?
15:42Listen, if I thought I had to warn Roper that a friend of mine is coming round tonight and he's a German,
15:46I'd call the whole thing off.
15:49Oh, good evening.
15:50Listen, a friend of mine is coming round this evening and he's a German.
15:53Eh?
15:56Ropers in here.
15:57Listen, how many cufflinks were there?
15:59Two, it's the custom.
16:00Well, I can only find one.
16:02What?
16:04Of course, I've got nothing against the Germans myself.
16:07I mean, they do you a good binocular, don't they?
16:10I'm quite sure that George won't say anything tactless, love.
16:14No, of course not.
16:14Well, it's not his fault he's a crowd.
16:20Ah, France, come in, mate.
16:22Listen, you know Joe, Chrissie,
16:25and this is Mr. and Mrs. Roper.
16:27Hi.
16:28Hi.
16:31Hello.
16:32Pleased to meet you.
16:33Look, you carry on looking for you.
16:35Excuse me, I'm just going to find the missing link.
16:38Hi, yes.
16:40Yes, German, eh?
16:43Have you seen the world at war on the telly?
16:48Yes.
16:49I thought it started well, but I didn't like the ending.
16:54Right.
16:55Can we all sit down, because the dinner's nearly ready?
16:57Yes.
16:57Mrs. Roper.
16:58Go round here.
16:59France, I've put you here.
17:01Mr. Roper is far away.
17:03Of course, you're too young to have been in the war, I suppose.
17:10Well, a little, yes.
17:11I wasn't born.
17:14My father was in the Luffer.
17:16Oh, I'm quite sure he never bombed London or nothing more.
17:20Well, only once or twice.
17:23Was he ever over Putney on a Monday?
17:25Well, if he was, he never mentioned Dick.
17:35Um, and you shall design this tablecloth.
17:37Oh, yes.
17:38Matching napkins, too.
17:41Listen, if you can't find it, you'll just have to give him one cufflink.
17:44Oh, no, we can't do that.
17:46Well, look, you'll just have to keep one hand in his pocket or one hand in his back.
17:48Now, go on, take that in.
17:49Here I'll.
17:51Can't find it.
17:52Oh, but it was over here on the worktop where you were chopping up all the food.
17:56Oh, you don't think you could have accidentally...
17:59Look, of course I didn't.
18:00I'm not that stupid.
18:01Come on, take that in.
18:03Of course they weren't all your Nazis.
18:06I mean, you take Rommel, for instance.
18:07He played fair.
18:09Well, he's practically on our side, really.
18:11Quite.
18:12No doubt he played secret cricket.
18:15That is Braunschweigel der Flugelkline.
18:17Mit bus muslichen.
18:19Yes, well, I thought you'd like a typical English meal.
18:25Joe, the plates, please.
18:33Listen, you don't think I could have, do you?
18:35You could.
18:36Did, um, did you ever meet Rommel?
18:43Er, no, no.
18:45Did you?
18:46No, no.
18:47Well, there weren't many of the Home Guard in the Western Desert, were there?
18:53Well, we stayed here defending our homes and our women.
18:57Mostly from the Flaming Yanks.
18:59What are you looking for?
19:01Nothing.
19:02Nothing.
19:03It could have been in any one.
19:05Oh, God.
19:07Excuse me, but my fork's a bit bent.
19:09Oh, yes, you've got the one that's...
19:11Yes!
19:14Er, use that one.
19:15Oh, sure.
19:16Er, what is this exactly?
19:19Well, it's a German dish.
19:20Ghibli and pork stew with asparagus and beans and...
19:25The occasional cufflink.
19:30Oh, you found it.
19:31Well done, well done.
19:32This is, er, this is a very old German custom, you see, er, on wedding occasions, you see, to, um...
19:39To, er, to hide the present in the food.
19:42It is?
19:44It is.
19:45I, eh, it is.
19:48What a good job it wasn't a set of blankets.
19:49Right, sir.
19:53Right, let's eat.
19:54And I'd have no more arguing about the war from you.
20:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:02Eh, then, of course, we thrashed you in the World Cup 4-2 at Wembley.
20:06Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
20:07Eh, you were born then, I suppose.
20:10Yes, oh, yes, I was.
20:12Yes, but they did knock us out the next time.
20:14Oh, well, they probably didn't mean to do it, dear.
20:16Of course they did.
20:17Mind you, if we met you in this World Cup...
20:20If you had let us crush Poland in 1939,
20:23you might have met us in this World Cup!
20:25Siegel!
20:27What?
20:30Well, that's how he expects all Krauts to behave, isn't it?
20:33He's been niggling away all night.
20:35Oh, no need to be like that.
20:37I mean, I've got nothing against your Krauts, your Germans, myself.
20:42I mean, you take Hitler a well. He had some good points, didn't he?
20:45He made all the trains run on time.
20:47Yeah, then he built your altar bombs.
20:48Yeah, and they had nice uniforms.
20:50Right, and he nearly put the Ruskies in their place, didn't he?
20:52Yeah, and you're nothing but the bloody fascists.
20:54Yeah.
20:55What?
20:56What about a nice little toast?
20:58Happy wedding anniversary.
21:00Oh, yes, thank you.
21:01And coupled with the fact that France, passing his exams,
21:04may I be the first to call you Dr. Vasserman.
21:06Dr. Vasserman.
21:07Cheers, Dr. Vasserman.
21:08Congratulations.
21:09Happy wedding anniversary to you.
21:10Congratulations.
21:11I didn't come here to be in shorty, but...
21:13Doctor?
21:15Did you say Dr. Vasserman?
21:17I've never met the doctor privately.
21:20I mean, you know, socially, so to speak.
21:22Free.
21:23George!
21:24I've got this bad fact, you see, Doctor.
21:26Now, my GP says there's nothing wrong with me,
21:28but he's getting on a bit.
21:29Look, Mr. Roper, France isn't that...
21:30No, no, no, no, I don't mind.
21:32Something should be done about him.
21:34Perhaps you care to line the couch?
21:36Oh, very.
21:40Josephine, could you get some boiling hot water
21:43and some cold, wet towels?
21:45Freezing cold.
21:47Yes, and some castor oil.
21:49And a large funnel.
21:55Maybe a small hammer?
21:57A little plaster of Paris?
21:59Do you think we ought to mention that France is a doctor of philosophy?
22:02No.
22:03Say nothing.
22:08Do you think this is going to do any good?
22:09We will ask the questions.
22:11OK?
22:12I don't want to.
22:13There are not any questions.
22:14Oh, hey!
22:15Yes, sir!
22:16Yes.
22:17Yes, sir!
22:18Yes, sir!
22:19Yes!
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