Man About the House. (1974 film)

deaddogsdam

A property developer wants to flatten the street to make new buildings.  Richard O'Sullivan - Robin Tripp Paula Wilcox - Chrissy Plummer Sally Thomsett - Jo Brian Murphy - George Roper Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper Doug Fisher - Larry Simmonds Peter Cellier - Morris Pluthero Patrick Newell - Sir Edmund Weir Aimi MacDonald - Hazel Lovett (as Aimi McDonald) Jack Smethurst - Jack Smethurst Rudolph Walker - Rudolph Walker Spike Milligan - Spike Milligan Melvyn Hayes - Nigel Michael Ward - Mr. Gideon Bill Grundy - Interviewer Berry Cornish - P.A. Norman Mitchell - Arthur Mulgrove - Doorman Michael Robbins - Second Doorman Johnny Briggs - Milkman (as Johnnie Briggs) Bill Pertwee - Postman Bill Sawyer - Chauffeur Aubrey Morris - Lecturer Arthur Lowe - Spiros Andria Lawrence - Miss Bird Julian Orchard - Producer Mark Rogers - Boy Scout Bill Maynard - Chef Pauline Peart - Secretary Arthur Hewlett - Elderly Man Annie Leake - Tweedy Lady Corinne Skinner-Carter - Housewife (as Corinne Skinner) Robert Dorning - Col. Manners Alan Gibbs - Pub Patron Alan Harris - Man in Studio Bar Damaris Hayman - Old Lady Terry Sartain - Man in Studio Bar June West - Lady at Meeting  Director - John Robins

Transcript

00:00:00I've always had it easy with a man about the place

00:00:09Steaming up the mirror when I'm making up my face

00:00:16He's just a friend, a helping hand, a ready, willing smile

00:00:23But could it be that love has been here on my doorstep all the while

00:00:32It's not easy when he's always been just a man about the house

00:00:39One to rely on, a shoulder to cry on, now and then

00:00:46It's not easy when he's always been just a man about the house

00:00:53So close to home and yet so far away

00:00:58And all the time I thought that I was just a freewheeling girl

00:01:07I looked around, but now I've found love was on my doorstep all the while

00:01:17It's not easy when he's always been just a man about the house

00:01:24One to rely on, a shoulder to cry on, now and then

00:01:31With all the little things you try to hide

00:01:35When there's a man about the house

00:01:38How could I open my heart to him now

00:01:45Can you put some more hot water in, please? This bath's getting cold

00:01:50Oh, you do it. You're nearer the taps than I am

00:01:52Oh, all right, I'll do it

00:01:55Has anyone seen my flannel?

00:01:58I've got it

00:01:59No, you haven't. That's mine. Look, yours is over there

00:02:02Oh

00:02:03I'm getting crumped. I wish you two would get out

00:02:08Oh, we're going to have to work out a rotor system

00:02:10There just isn't room in here for the three of us

00:02:11Well, I suppose we could finish off in the kitchen

00:02:13No, we couldn't. There's no mirror in there

00:02:15Well, look, I'll show you where your eyelashes are

00:02:18If you show me where my chin is

00:02:19Oh, you can have it

00:02:20Honestly, I wouldn't mind first thing in the morning

00:02:23If only it came later in the day

00:02:24I wish you'd hurry up

00:02:26I can't get out of this bath until you've gone

00:02:28Well, I'll tell you what, I'll shut my eyes

00:02:30See? Look

00:02:32They're closed

00:02:33Are you sure they're shut?

00:02:37Yes, yes, they will

00:02:38Honestly, we must get the lock fixed on that door

00:02:43Oh, no, no, no, that would take all the suspense out of having a bath

00:02:46Right, tower

00:02:47Do you mind?

00:02:49Hmm? Hmm?

00:02:50Oh!

00:02:50I'm sorry

00:02:51Listen, um, you know, if you want any help drying yourself down

00:02:56You know, I could do it by touch alone

00:02:57You'll be lucky

00:02:59No? No?

00:03:01Wasn't that a great sound?

00:03:02It's...

00:03:02Right

00:03:03And shut the door

00:03:04Slightly grey outside

00:03:07Some showers

00:03:07Oh, no, not again, eggs

00:03:10Look, you liked them yesterday and the day before

00:03:13Yeah, and the day before

00:03:14I don't think

00:03:14I'm beginning to look like an egg

00:03:16Listen, it isn't even my turn to cook the breakfast

00:03:18It's Jo's

00:03:19Well, then why doesn't Jo cook it?

00:03:21She did

00:03:21Bacon and sausages

00:03:23Do you want to eat it?

00:03:25So, just for a change, how about some eggs?

00:03:27You like cooking, we don't

00:03:29Listen, it's part of the female's function to provide food

00:03:32So where do you think these eggs came from? A rooster?

00:03:34Look, Chrissie, I'm not a male chauvinist

00:03:36I think you are

00:03:37Well, what do you know about it? You're only a woman

00:03:38Honestly, I'd have nothing to do with men if they weren't the opposite sex

00:03:42Look, when are you going to fix the lock on that door?

00:03:47No, I'll get around to it

00:03:48I'll tell you what, I'll put that bolt on my door

00:03:51What bolt?

00:03:52Well, the one from your bedroom door

00:03:53You know, I can quite easily unscrew it

00:03:55You leave that where it is

00:03:56All right, all right, if it gives you the illusion of safety

00:03:59Illusion?

00:04:01Another three feet and my tunnel is completed

00:04:03Hey, there's Larry, you're going to be late

00:04:18Oh, everybody's going to be late today

00:04:19It's the last day of town

00:04:20Including you

00:04:21Well, I should say I was delayed

00:04:22I was a witness to a terrible accident

00:04:24Lies

00:04:25What else would you call it?

00:04:28Listen, do you want a lift?

00:04:30Oh, great

00:04:30All right, come on

00:04:31See you

00:04:32Bye

00:04:32Morning, Mrs. Roper

00:04:43Oh, morning, love

00:04:44Morning, Mr. Tripp

00:04:46Morning, Mrs. Roper

00:04:47Did your friend get anything else for Christmas?

00:04:51Oh, I know what you mean

00:04:52I'm sorry

00:04:52Yeah, he's got this theory that it recharges the battery

00:04:55Well, it doesn't worry me, love

00:04:56But you see, it might wake Mr. Roper

00:04:57Why, is he still in bed?

00:04:59No, he's been up for hours

00:05:00But he's not awake yet

00:05:01Oh, dear, dear

00:05:05Best one of the day, eh?

00:05:08George

00:05:08Those cigarettes are going to be the death of you

00:05:11Have another one

00:05:12Oughtn't to be allowed first thing in the morning

00:05:15That horrible noise

00:05:16It was only a car on, George

00:05:18No, I mean you, talking

00:05:19George, other men have conversation with their wives

00:05:23You know, they read them little bits out of the newspaper

00:05:26Cheer them up

00:05:26Give them a bright start to their day

00:05:28Now, why can't you do that?

00:05:30All right

00:05:31All right

00:05:31Mullins, age 73

00:05:35Peacefully after a short illness

00:05:38Sadly missed

00:05:39Oh, here's another one

00:05:40Murgatroy J

00:05:41Oh, belt up

00:05:42Here's your post

00:05:43No Joe this morning, then?

00:05:46No, it's her day off

00:05:46Look, you keep your eyes on the road

00:05:48I'm still trying to put my knee into second

00:05:51Sorry, love

00:05:51Oh, does he always try it like this?

00:05:54Yes

00:05:54Look, it's no good closing your eyes

00:05:56I'm not closing my eyes

00:05:57I'm going to Larry

00:05:58Look, I tell you what

00:06:00Listen, drop us off and we'll walk

00:06:02No, we won't

00:06:02We're safer in here

00:06:03He can't knock us over if we're in here

00:06:04You got a job yet, then?

00:06:09What?

00:06:10For the holidays

00:06:10Oh, yes

00:06:11In fact, we've just passed this

00:06:12That little restaurant there

00:06:13Hartworth?

00:06:14No, you keep your eyes on the road

00:06:15You're talking there, are you?

00:06:21Oh, yeah

00:06:22Helping the chef, you know

00:06:24It's only part-time

00:06:25But the money's good

00:06:26Jammie, beggar

00:06:28I tell you what

00:06:28If you're not fixed up

00:06:29They're looking for a waiter

00:06:30Where are you going?

00:06:33We can't hang about, can we?

00:06:34Waiter, eh?

00:06:35You keep your eyes on the pavement

00:06:37Oh, nice, nice

00:06:49There we are, then

00:06:51Accept the grateful thanks

00:06:54Of a white-haired old lady

00:06:56See you

00:07:01See you

00:07:05Larry, Larry, look

00:07:08Take it easy

00:07:09I'm not that late

00:07:09You are, mate

00:07:10Mind you, if I shared a flat

00:07:12With two birds

00:07:13I wouldn't get out of bed

00:07:13In the mornings, either

00:07:14Yeah, true, true

00:07:15Actually, they put a new bolt

00:07:16On the bedroom door

00:07:17So I can't get out

00:07:18For the forthcoming tasks

00:07:31That lie ahead

00:07:32In front of us

00:07:34We are showing promise

00:07:37On our potteries

00:07:38But one or two of us

00:07:41Have fallen down

00:07:41On our costumes

00:07:42Good morning, Mr. Tripp

00:07:45Ah, good morning

00:07:47Mr. Tripp

00:07:49How is it that Miss Grace

00:07:52Who lives over an hour away

00:07:54Is always early

00:07:55And yet you

00:07:56Who live only five minutes away

00:07:58Are always late

00:08:00Yes, well, you see

00:08:02If she's late

00:08:03She's got time to hurry up

00:08:05Yes

00:08:05You see, if I'm late

00:08:06I'm already here

00:08:07Mr. Tripp

00:08:09Sorry, what?

00:08:10What is the first priority

00:08:12In the maintenance

00:08:13Of the kitchen?

00:08:15Ah, well, it must remain

00:08:17Spotless at all times

00:08:18Ah, dirt and untidiness

00:08:20Are the enemies

00:08:21Of the good chef

00:08:22A well-run kitchen

00:08:23Should be ordered

00:08:24Hygienic

00:08:25A place for everything

00:08:26And everything in its place

00:08:27Remember the three C's

00:08:29Clean

00:08:30Clinical

00:08:31And

00:08:31Cobblers

00:08:32Clutterless

00:08:34Look

00:08:34You can't tart about

00:08:36When you're doing

00:08:37Sixty meals a day

00:08:38I've hardly got time

00:08:39To trick me nose

00:08:40As it is

00:08:41Yes, I know

00:08:42But I mean, you know

00:08:42I didn't expect

00:08:44All this

00:08:45You know

00:08:45I mean

00:08:46It looked like a

00:08:47Looked like a nice restaurant

00:08:48Look

00:08:49Have you ever tried

00:08:50Cooking on a trawler

00:08:51Up to your ghoulies

00:08:51In fish heads

00:08:52No, I haven't

00:08:54No, well, I have

00:08:55And compared to that

00:08:56This is straight out

00:08:56Of ideal home

00:08:57I'll tell you

00:08:58You are

00:09:00I reckon you've lumbered me here, mate

00:09:01Mousetrap and bickies

00:09:03For table nine

00:09:04No, Larry, Larry

00:09:05No, no, no, no

00:09:06Selection de fromage de France

00:09:08Avec biscuits

00:09:09Yeah, and if wet

00:09:10In the vicarage

00:09:11Oh, yeah

00:09:12And one ice cream

00:09:13Coming up

00:09:14One vanilla

00:09:18Oh, no, sorry

00:09:19Can you make that chocolate?

00:09:20I'll do me best

00:09:23Abracadabra

00:09:25It's not worked

00:09:30Here

00:09:31Cover it in curry powder

00:09:32They won't know the difference

00:09:33I was going to go for a jimmy

00:09:35Cop hold of that

00:09:36Hey, and when I come back

00:09:38Remind me to tell you all

00:09:40About the daffodil

00:09:40Oh, dear

00:09:41Daffodil

00:09:44Got a stingy lot of customers

00:09:46In there

00:09:47The only tip I've seen all day

00:09:48Is this kitchen

00:09:49Right

00:09:50Do you know

00:09:51He's got some disgusting habits

00:09:52Hmm

00:09:53Do you know what he used

00:09:54To poke holes in those donuts?

00:09:57Oh, what?

00:09:58A milk bottle

00:09:59And he didn't even wash it

00:10:00Oh, yeah

00:10:01I mean, how can anyone

00:10:02Create a classical cuisine

00:10:03In a kitchen like this?

00:10:04I mean, you've seen

00:10:05The state of his washing up water

00:10:06Yeah

00:10:07Do you know

00:10:07If I wanted to start

00:10:08A new religious cult

00:10:09I could walk on that

00:10:10I thought it would suit with a day

00:10:11Probably will be tomorrow

00:10:12Yeah, she was

00:10:14She was having a bottom scrape

00:10:17In Grimsby

00:10:18You know

00:10:18Who was?

00:10:20The daffodil

00:10:21The poot I'm telling you about

00:10:23She was in Dry Dock

00:10:24You know, the daffodil

00:10:24And I was

00:10:25I met these two

00:10:26I met these two nurses

00:10:27You know

00:10:28And, well, they looked

00:10:29As if they fancied

00:10:30A bit of the ruff

00:10:31So, I said to them

00:10:32Aren't you going to

00:10:33Wash your hands first?

00:10:34What would I want to say that for?

00:10:36No, I said

00:10:37I said to them

00:10:38Look, girls

00:10:38Would you like a little

00:10:39Walk round the ship like?

00:10:40You know

00:10:40Have a bit

00:10:41Bit of a look round

00:10:42And of course

00:10:43With nurses

00:10:43You know

00:10:44You've got to be a bit subtle

00:10:45You know what I mean

00:10:45You can't just

00:10:47Dash straight

00:10:48And you've got to lead up to it

00:10:49So I got them in the

00:10:50I got them in the cabin eventually

00:10:52And I said

00:10:54Dad, do you fancy

00:10:54A game of strip poker?

00:10:56I actually usually put

00:10:57A dash of garlic salt

00:10:59In my batter

00:11:00Hey, you're not a puffer, are you?

00:11:03No

00:11:04Thank the Lord for that

00:11:06Eventually, you know

00:11:07We were playing this strip poker

00:11:09And I got down to me wellies

00:11:10Like, you know

00:11:11And they were starkers

00:11:12Garlic salt?

00:11:14Yeah, it sort of brings out the flavor

00:11:16But go on about the strip poker

00:11:18Oh, yeah

00:11:19Well, like

00:11:20You know

00:11:21I mean

00:11:22Amex like

00:11:23They're only really built for one

00:11:24Aren't they?

00:11:27Oh, yeah

00:11:29Hi

00:11:33Hi

00:11:33Finished work already?

00:11:34Yeah, it's lunch this week

00:11:36And dinner's next

00:11:36Oh

00:11:37Do you think you're going to like it?

00:11:38Yeah, yeah

00:11:39It's not too bad

00:11:39The chef's a character

00:11:41He's full of stories

00:11:43Do you, uh

00:11:45Do you play cards?

00:11:46Yeah

00:11:47Why?

00:11:48Oh, it's nothing

00:11:48Oh, everything's being pulled down, isn't it?

00:11:52What?

00:11:52The cinema

00:11:53They're building another office block

00:11:54Oh, yeah

00:11:55Oh, it's terrible

00:11:56I mean, where's everybody going to play bingo?

00:11:58Yeah, I mean

00:11:59People need to relax

00:12:00You know

00:12:01To play bingo

00:12:02Cards

00:12:03Poker post

00:12:05They pull that folk club down

00:12:07To build offices

00:12:08Oh

00:12:09You see, it's true

00:12:10People are being forced

00:12:11To entertain at home

00:12:12With

00:12:13Cards

00:12:14What's going on about cards?

00:12:28Just happened to mention it, that's all

00:12:29Topic of the conversation

00:12:31I'll tell you the subject

00:12:32What do you buy?

00:12:34Clothes

00:12:34Underwear

00:12:35Oh, great, fantastic

00:12:37You're in a funny sort of mood today

00:12:39Good afternoon

00:12:39Oh, hello

00:12:41I'm boss this letterhead, you know

00:12:48M.F. Blue the Row

00:12:51Project Manager

00:12:52George, we are not selling this house

00:12:55Especially not to any property developer

00:12:57No, no, no, of course not

00:12:58Full market value

00:13:01Yeah, I wonder what that would be

00:13:04I mean, if we were thinking of selling it

00:13:05Which we are not

00:13:06Which we're not, no

00:13:08Still

00:13:09That's always been your trouble, George

00:13:11Greed

00:13:12Oh, I can remember our wedding reception

00:13:15Still haven't forgotten that

00:13:16Here, look

00:13:17Do you remember

00:13:20That happy day?

00:13:22Uh, yeah

00:13:23Hmm

00:13:24Comes the time to cut the cake

00:13:25And where are you?

00:13:27Round the boozer

00:13:27Collecting on the empties

00:13:28Oh, just having a little nip

00:13:29It's steadying me nerves

00:13:30Oh, yes

00:13:31You came on our honeymoon

00:13:33As steady as a newt

00:13:34Oh, I may have had a few

00:13:35But at least I did me duty

00:13:37Duty?

00:13:38Yeah, well, it was a long time ago

00:13:40I still haven't forgotten

00:13:41Yeah, but I'm thinking about the future now, Mildred

00:13:43I mean, if they are pulling this block down to build offices

00:13:46We could make a nice tidy packet

00:13:47Who told you that?

00:13:49Well, the blonde next door

00:13:50The one with the poodle

00:13:52Hazel

00:13:53She said they've all got letters

00:13:54The whole row

00:13:54Oh, it's Hazel now, is it?

00:13:57On intimate terms, are you?

00:13:58No, no

00:13:59She's nipped me once or twice in the ankle

00:14:01The poodle, not Hazel

00:14:03What are you doing?

00:14:05I'm phoning around, George

00:14:07I think it's about time we had a meeting of the Residents Association

00:14:10Yeah, well, don't have it tonight

00:14:12There's a good film on the telly

00:14:13Do you know, there must be

00:14:15There must be something better to do than watching all this rubbish

00:14:19Look, I haven't got time to mess about

00:14:22Are you after my body?

00:14:24Of course

00:14:24Sorry

00:14:25It's already booked to do the washing out

00:14:27Woof

00:14:28Oh

00:14:28Woof

00:14:29Woof

00:14:30Woof

00:14:31Woof

00:14:32Woof

00:14:33Woof

00:14:34Woof

00:14:35Woof

00:14:36Woof

00:14:37Woof

00:14:38Woof

00:14:39Woof

00:14:40Woof

00:14:41Woof

00:14:42Woof

00:14:43Woof

00:14:44Woof

00:14:45Woof

00:14:46Woof

00:14:47Woof

00:14:48Woof

00:14:49Woof

00:14:50Woof

00:14:51Woof

00:14:52Woof

00:14:53Woof

00:14:54Woof

00:14:55Woof

00:14:56Woof

00:14:57Woof

00:14:58Chrissie?

00:15:23What?

00:15:25Nothing.

00:15:27Where's Gerald?

00:15:28In the bathroom.

00:15:34Hey, Jo, listen.

00:15:37How much have you been stark naked?

00:15:39Not with my luck.

00:15:40Look, Chrissie and I, we're going to have a game of cards.

00:15:43So?

00:15:45Strip poker.

00:15:47Maybe we really need a third, but she says you won't play because you're, well, too prudish.

00:15:53What?

00:15:54All right.

00:15:57Yeah, okay, fine.

00:15:58Yes, no problem.

00:15:59We'll manage.

00:16:00Just the two of us.

00:16:05Yeah, she's probably right.

00:16:07What about?

00:16:08Hmm?

00:16:09Oh, er, Jo and I, we're going to play strip poker.

00:16:13She says you won't play, you know, because you're too, er, prudish.

00:16:17She's right.

00:16:19She is?

00:16:20Oh, absolutely.

00:16:21Do you want to help me with the washing up?

00:16:23No, I don't.

00:16:24Are you really going to play strip poker with him?

00:16:31Me?

00:16:32He said it was you.

00:16:50We're ready when you are.

00:16:51What for?

00:16:52Strip poker, you said you wanted to play.

00:17:14Right, um, listen, how do you actually sort of, er, play this game?

00:17:18Well, I suppose you bet with clothes instead of money, so the loser takes off whatever clothes

00:17:23they've bet with.

00:17:24Yes, yes, well, er, you know, I'll, I'll go along with that.

00:17:27Um, should I, er, what do you call it, hand the cards out?

00:17:30Um, it's deal, you see, that's the word, deal.

00:17:34Yes, yes, off you go.

00:17:35You, you've, you've played cards before, have you?

00:17:40My dad taught me.

00:17:44Off you go.

00:17:45Uh, pass.

00:17:46Uh, pass.

00:17:47Uh-huh.

00:17:48Okay, well, I'll, er, I'll open for you.

00:17:50I'll, er, I'll open for a sock.

00:17:51I'll stay.

00:17:52I'm out.

00:17:53I'll stay.

00:17:54I'll stay.

00:17:55I'll stay.

00:17:56I'll stay.

00:17:57I'll stay.

00:17:58I'll stay.

00:17:59I'll stay.

00:18:00I'll stay.

00:18:01I'm out.

00:18:02It's just you and me, Chrissy.

00:18:03Uh, you've played cards before, have you?

00:18:04You've played cards before, have you?

00:18:05My dad taught me.

00:18:06Off you go.

00:18:07Uh, pass.

00:18:08Uh-huh.

00:18:09Okay, well, I'll, er, I'll open for a sock.

00:18:13I'll, er, I'll open for a sock.

00:18:16I'll stay.

00:18:17I'm out.

00:18:19It's just you and me, Chrissy.

00:18:22Uh, just one small thing.

00:18:24What's your equivalent of a sock?

00:18:26Ooh.

00:18:27Half a tight.

00:18:30Right, right, I'll draw one, please.

00:18:32One?

00:18:34I'll stay with what I've got.

00:18:38All right, er, yes, well, I'll push it, I'll push it around for another sock.

00:18:42Coward.

00:18:43Your sock, plus my skirt.

00:18:47I'll raise your skirt with my trousers.

00:18:51They're a good film, eh?

00:18:54Hmm.

00:19:02Hey, George.

00:19:04You know that Wolfman?

00:19:06He was the spitting image of an army sergeant I used to go around with.

00:19:09What, all airy, innit?

00:19:11No, when he was normal.

00:19:14Arthur.

00:19:15Arthur Mowergrove, that was it.

00:19:18God, I nearly married him.

00:19:20Well, what stopped you?

00:19:21Hmm.

00:19:22You didn't ask me?

00:19:23Sounds a sensible sort of fellow.

00:19:25Oh, thank you.

00:19:26Oh, you know, when that, that Wolfman ripped that blouse off that helpless maiden,

00:19:31oh, it sent a shiver right down my spine.

00:19:36Come into bed, George.

00:19:38Er, no, not just yet.

00:19:40I've got to make myself a cheese and onion sandwich.

00:19:43I'll wait for you.

00:19:44Er, no, don't bother, because I've got to go upstairs and tell them about the meeting tomorrow night.

00:19:53Arthur.

00:19:54Mulgrove.

00:19:55Oh.

00:19:56All I can say is your father must have been a bloody good player, that's all.

00:20:01Do you want to go on?

00:20:04Certainly.

00:20:05I'm not chicken.

00:20:06Right.

00:20:07Right.

00:20:08Right.

00:20:09I'll open with, um, with my underpants.

00:20:14Haven't really got much choice.

00:20:17I'll stay for a shoe.

00:20:19Oh, come on, Chrissy.

00:20:20My underpants have got to be worth more than a shoe.

00:20:23All right.

00:20:24Two shoes.

00:20:25Whoopee.

00:20:28I'm out.

00:20:30Jo, you've done this every time.

00:20:33I don't mind telling you, you're spoiling this game for me.

00:20:35Three, please.

00:20:38I'll stay with these.

00:20:41Go on.

00:20:43This is a bit awkward, this.

00:20:44I mean, er, I haven't got anything else to bet with.

00:20:46Look, if I could just put on one piece of...

00:20:48No.

00:20:51No, a full house.

00:20:52Tens and twos.

00:20:55Tens and twos.

00:21:00Four jacks.

00:21:02Get them off.

00:21:05Oh.

00:21:06Oh, Jo, look.

00:21:07I can see two bare feet.

00:21:08It's all too much for me.

00:21:10Oh.

00:21:11Right.

00:21:12It's my deal.

00:21:13I wouldn't get too excited.

00:21:14You've got to be very, very lucky.

00:21:15Oh, you just listen to me.

00:21:16My luck's changing.

00:21:17I can feel it.

00:21:18Right.

00:21:19Off you go, Chris.

00:21:20Pass.

00:21:23Pass.

00:21:24Pass.

00:21:26Right.

00:21:27Yes, I'll open yet again with my underpants.

00:21:31I'll stay for a blouse.

00:21:33Mm-hmm.

00:21:34And I'll draw three.

00:21:35Right, right.

00:21:36One, two, three.

00:21:37Chair?

00:21:38I'm out.

00:21:40Right, I'll have three.

00:21:41Ah.

00:21:42Well, I've got a pair.

00:21:46Well, let's have a look at them, then.

00:21:49What do you mean?

00:21:50I've got a pair, too.

00:21:51Yes.

00:21:52Two queens?

00:21:53Aces.

00:22:10Oh, well.

00:22:11That's it.

00:22:12Not quite.

00:22:13Oh, come on.

00:22:14You don't really want me to pay that last debt.

00:22:17Look, you started this game.

00:22:18It's of no interest to me. I was brought up on a farm.

00:22:21I've never seen anyone blush over such a large area.

00:22:27Very well.

00:22:31Right there, okay.

00:22:33Now what?

00:22:36I wonder who's going to answer it.

00:22:40Come on, you can't expect me to go on stalkers.

00:22:43I won't look. I will. He would have done if it was us.

00:22:47You're right. I will look.

00:22:50You don't think I'll do it?

00:23:03He cheated.

00:23:06He's not the only one.

00:23:09Oh, evening, son.

00:23:11What's that?

00:23:13It's a tape cloth.

00:23:15I don't normally wear it, only the curtains at the dry cleaners.

00:23:18Ah.

00:23:20Yeah, well, I just popped up to tell you about the meeting tomorrow night.

00:23:24Are you all right?

00:23:26Oh, yeah, it's just breadcrumbs.

00:23:28So, which meeting?

00:23:30The Residence Association.

00:23:32Mm-hmm, yes.

00:23:33And, er, they want your presence here.

00:23:35Yeah.

00:23:36Erm.

00:23:38Well.

00:23:40We obviously need some volunteers to serve on the committee.

00:23:43Now's your chance.

00:23:45Yeah?

00:23:46Yeah, right.

00:23:47Er, excuse me.

00:23:49I don't want to push myself forward.

00:23:54Good for you.

00:23:56That's the least I could do.

00:23:58But I would like to volunteer.

00:24:00Chris's services.

00:24:01Eh?

00:24:02Come on, let me go.

00:24:08Well, I think it's time for the natural leaders in the community

00:24:10to step forward and shoulder their responsibilities.

00:24:13All right, then.

00:24:16Not you, dear.

00:24:17Me.

00:24:18Well done.

00:24:27That lovely dear.

00:24:29Would you like to start us all off?

00:24:39Right.

00:24:40Well, er, first of all,

00:24:43I know how strongly we all feel about this problem.

00:24:46Hear, hear, hear.

00:24:47And, er,

00:24:49and, er,

00:24:50I know one person who has a lot to say on this subject.

00:24:54Robin Tripp.

00:25:03Er, well,

00:25:05I feel myself we ought to oppose, er,

00:25:08the development, that is.

00:25:10Er,

00:25:11and, er,

00:25:12if...

00:25:13What you're trying to say is

00:25:14that this community cannot survive

00:25:16unless we all join together and fight this scheme.

00:25:20Yes.

00:25:21And we ought to do something positive.

00:25:23Oh, absolutely.

00:25:25Like what?

00:25:27Eh?

00:25:28Well, like, erm...

00:25:30Perhaps you think we ought to organise a petition to our MP.

00:25:33Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking of.

00:25:36Well, what for?

00:25:37The towels are off.

00:25:38Oh!

00:25:39Oh!

00:25:40Wait a minute!

00:25:45Oh.

00:25:46So much for community spirit.

00:25:49Fine.

00:25:51Er, an ouseau and soda?

00:25:53Is it a large one?

00:25:54Oh, very.

00:25:55And a red scene over the chair here.

00:25:58How kind.

00:26:04Because it's about the only practical thing we can do.

00:26:07Yes.

00:26:08Well, what's it to be?

00:26:09A carefully worded protest about houses being pulled down for office blocks.

00:26:13You can do anything in London except live.

00:26:15London needs houses, not great concrete blocks.

00:26:17I mean, if our generation doesn't do anything about it, there aren't going to be any houses for the next generation.

00:26:23I meant to drink.

00:26:25Oh.

00:26:26Tomato juice, please.

00:26:27Tomato juice, right.

00:26:28Joe?

00:26:29Er, lager, please.

00:26:30A lager, okay.

00:26:34I don't see the point in having a petition.

00:26:36I mean, if we don't sell our houses.

00:26:38And none of us are gonna sell, George.

00:26:40No.

00:26:41No.

00:26:42I don't.

00:26:44Er, a lager and a tomato juice, please.

00:26:47Of course, we first acquired the taste for it in a little bar near the Acropolis.

00:26:51Ah, yes.

00:26:52Yeah, he's bonkers about the ancient Greeks.

00:26:54Well, it's such a marvelous civilization.

00:26:56It's so, so civilized.

00:26:58True, true.

00:27:00The friendship of an older man for a lad was not misunderstood and frowned upon.

00:27:05Quite.

00:27:06I think that Nigel here has rather the look of an Apollo about him.

00:27:09Yes, yes.

00:27:10You know, the Michelangelo, Apollo.

00:27:12Put that statue on a motorbike, and it's Nigel to a T.

00:27:19Quite.

00:27:20And it's still a glorious country today.

00:27:23The, um, wine, the sunshine, the music.

00:27:26Do you like the bouzouki?

00:27:28Nah.

00:27:29I prefer the Yamaha superbike.

00:27:32Ah.

00:27:33His wit is a constant delight.

00:27:37Mmm.

00:27:38And, um, property, you know.

00:27:40It's so cheap there.

00:27:42If one sold a tatty terrace house here, you could buy a villa there.

00:27:47Still, we don't want to spoil a social evening talking about business, do we?

00:27:51Of course, it's not the first time this has happened, you know.

00:27:56I mean, Nigel did his best to knock these houses down during the war.

00:27:59Ah, yeah.

00:28:00Oh, they were good days then.

00:28:02Oh, my God.

00:28:03Bombs raining down and shrapnel flying everywhere.

00:28:06The man knew what he had to do.

00:28:07In your case, you couldn't stop yourself.

00:28:09Yeah.

00:28:10He had to.

00:28:11He had to do his duty.

00:28:12Oh.

00:28:13One of his favorite words.

00:28:14Yeah.

00:28:15Well, I was ARP warden for the old block.

00:28:17And in my opinion, Hitler knew this, you see.

00:28:19Well, that's probably what made him lose his nerve and turn on Russia.

00:28:22Yeah.

00:28:24Well...

00:28:26Yeah.

00:28:27Excuse me.

00:28:28I've got to have a little chat with Larry.

00:28:35Sam again.

00:28:36Oh, yeah, Tom.

00:28:37Brian.

00:28:38Sam again, please.

00:28:39Listen.

00:28:40It's been over two months.

00:28:42What is?

00:28:43I don't know.

00:28:44I'll go on like this.

00:28:45I'm going to go blind.

00:28:46Oh, that?

00:28:47Yeah, that.

00:28:48See, listen.

00:28:49The thing is, I was thinking about asking Jo, does she fancy coming for a drive?

00:28:56You know.

00:28:57The drive?

00:28:58Hmm.

00:28:59Yeah, why not?

00:29:01Well, don't muck about.

00:29:02Does she or don't she?

00:29:04Oh, come on.

00:29:05Good enough.

00:29:06Say no more.

00:29:07And they used to put this stuff in your tea, you know.

00:29:10So you keep your mind on the job.

00:29:13Off the job, George.

00:29:14Eh?

00:29:15Um, excuse me.

00:29:16I'm just going to have a quick word with Robin.

00:29:19Oh, then there were ration books.

00:29:21Do you remember them?

00:29:22No.

00:29:23I know.

00:29:24I know this great little spot on the river, you see.

00:29:25You can park your car there.

00:29:26Hello, Jo.

00:29:27Hello.

00:29:28Yes.

00:29:29Er, you, er, you got any plans for the rest of the evening?

00:29:33Two ounces of butter, an ounce of lard, and a bit of meat.

00:29:36Oh.

00:29:37About that long.

00:29:38That's what you used to get, wasn't it, love?

00:29:40That's what I used to get, George, yes.

00:29:42Oh, er, excuse me.

00:29:43I think I'll go and have a word with you.

00:29:46Well, George, I think that's a new record.

00:29:49You've bored three people away in two minutes.

00:29:52Well done, love.

00:29:53Just for a drive, mind you.

00:29:55For fresh air.

00:29:56Oh, yeah.

00:29:57You know.

00:29:58Spot the sappers, can't we?

00:29:59Er, don't let him fool you, Jo.

00:30:00Your arms don't go inside the sector.

00:30:02Er, hysterical.

00:30:05Hey, where are they going?

00:30:07Oh, I just for a ride.

00:30:08Well, drive.

00:30:09Actually, that does give you and me a chance to go back to the flat and, er, you know,

00:30:14get it together.

00:30:15The petition.

00:30:16I mean, you've got to go back and type it, haven't you?

00:30:19Mm-hmm.

00:30:20Oh, gotcha.

00:30:39Chrissie, can't you finish this later?

00:30:44You know, when Jo gets back.

00:30:45I thought the idea was to get on with it while she's out.

00:30:48Mm.

00:30:49Come on, let's stop messing about.

00:30:52I second that.

00:30:53I mean, let's stop messing about with the time.

00:30:55Hm?

00:30:56I just sit back, relax.

00:30:59A little drink.

00:31:02Hm?

00:31:03And you can't hold out forever, Chrissie.

00:31:09What makes you think I have?

00:31:11Oh, I don't.

00:31:13Oh, don't you?

00:31:14Well, yes, I mean, yes, I do.

00:31:16Oh, do you?

00:31:18Yeah, no, I do...

00:31:20Sorry, look.

00:31:21Can we start again?

00:31:22All right.

00:31:23No, no, no, no, I'm...

00:31:25Didn't mean the typing.

00:31:27I know what you meant.

00:31:29Look, it's all right for you.

00:31:31Men can just turn it on.

00:31:33A girl needs time.

00:31:35Coaxing.

00:31:36Chatting up.

00:31:38Chrissie.

00:31:40I can't chat you up.

00:31:42I mean, how can you...

00:31:44How can you chat up someone you...

00:31:46be careful?

00:31:48I mean, someone you have a...

00:31:51deep, emotional feeling for?

00:31:54How am I doing?

00:32:01Honestly, Larry, I really don't feel like it.

00:32:04Oh, come on, Joe.

00:32:06You really enjoy it, honest.

00:32:08But I don't like cod.

00:32:10Oh, please yourself.

00:32:15It's nice here, isn't it?

00:32:17It's got a sort of atmosphere.

00:32:19Yes.

00:32:20Vinegar and chip fat.

00:32:21Sorry.

00:32:24I've, um...

00:32:27I've got a little confession to make to you, Joe.

00:32:30I was born a girl.

00:32:32Pardon?

00:32:33Yeah.

00:32:34And, uh...

00:32:36Ever since the operation, I've not...

00:32:38you know, had a chance to...

00:32:40find out if it works.

00:32:42So I was thinking...

00:32:44in the interest of medical science.

00:32:46Oh, full marks for originality.

00:32:48Yeah?

00:32:49Has anyone ever told you...

00:32:51that you're terribly attractive...

00:32:53and have a wonderful way with women?

00:32:55No.

00:32:56No, I haven't.

00:32:58Well, where'd you get the idea from?

00:33:00Eh?

00:33:01Oh, look, come on, take me home...

00:33:02and I'll make you a cup of coffee.

00:33:05This is all a bit embarrassing, Joe.

00:33:07I mean, I've...

00:33:08I've got one reputation to think of.

00:33:09Oh, don't worry.

00:33:10I won't tell anyone you didn't score.

00:33:12I'll even recommend you to my friends.

00:33:16Would you?

00:33:18Would you do that for me, really?

00:33:20That's a better technique.

00:33:22Pathos.

00:33:23You should concentrate on that one.

00:33:25Hey, where are you going?

00:33:27Well, if you're coming back for coffee, I'm driving.

00:33:29What for?

00:33:42Because you're a mad driver.

00:33:44Have you got the keys?

00:33:52Yeah, you handled one of these before.

00:33:54Oh.

00:33:55All cars are the same, aren't they?

00:33:59Yeah.

00:34:00It's not mine!

00:34:01Mine!

00:34:02Oh, nice!

00:34:03Oh, there.

00:34:04That's nice for the trout.

00:34:12All right, that's nice for the trout.

00:34:36Robin?

00:34:37Mm?

00:34:38Yes, and we shouldn't talk.

00:34:40Oh, not now.

00:34:41It's now.

00:34:42Look, it's got to be now, before we get, oh, carried away.

00:34:48Robin.

00:34:52All right, what is it?

00:34:54Well, you and I, we've known each other for some time now.

00:35:02Yes.

00:35:03Well, I don't think I'd be going too far if I said, well,

00:35:10you fancy me.

00:35:14No, you wouldn't be going too far.

00:35:16Well, I've decided it's okay.

00:35:23What, what is?

00:35:24Well, if you really meant what you said about caring, it's okay.

00:35:29Well, then, I mean, why did you stop me?

00:35:34Oh, I, I just wanted to say it's okay, that's all.

00:35:42Well, that's, that's great.

00:35:47Wait a minute.

00:35:48Um, no, no, no, no, this is a bit of a responsibility.

00:35:53What is?

00:35:54Well, I mean, you know, you're sort of, you're, you're putting it all onto me.

00:35:59Well, I thought that's what you wanted.

00:36:01Mm-hmm.

00:36:02Oh, yes, I do, I do.

00:36:04But, um, you see, I, I hadn't sort of thought on sort of talking it over, you know, sort of

00:36:11before the, I mean, beforehand.

00:36:14I'm not going to have a little hand.

00:36:16Don't you dare lay a finger on me or I'll scream.

00:36:18Oh, that's better.

00:36:24I take it back.

00:36:25I'm not recommending you to any of my friends.

00:36:27Yeah, well, it wasn't my fault, was it?

00:36:30Bad timing, Larry.

00:36:31This is not the moment.

00:36:32Yeah, well, I didn't choose a bloody moment.

00:36:34She chose a bloody moment.

00:36:35Backed into the bloody lake.

00:36:37Hey, you're all wet.

00:36:38I know that.

00:36:39Well, get those wet clothes off.

00:36:40Not you, her.

00:36:42Well, what happened?

00:36:43Oh, I don't know.

00:36:45I've got a frog spawn in my bra.

00:36:50Oh, I'm sorry about that, mate.

00:36:52What?

00:36:53I didn't know you were sort of...

00:36:54Yeah, well, I didn't either.

00:36:56If there was any consolation, it isn't.

00:37:01Yeah, well, I'll see you tomorrow, eh?

00:37:04Oh!

00:37:15Down a bit.

00:37:16Left...

00:37:17Left hand down a bit.

00:37:18All right, easy, easy.

00:37:20Right, we'll get the locals to sign it first. Who shall we start with?

00:37:40How about us?

00:37:41Good, thank you.

00:37:45Joe?

00:37:50Oh, hello, mate.

00:38:00Hey, look, I'm sorry about last night.

00:38:02Just sign there.

00:38:03Hey, is Mr Gideon in this morning?

00:38:05Yeah, look, I'm sorry about last night.

00:38:08Yeah, I'm not. It was him and me against me and I was losing.

00:38:12Here, we go blind together, eh?

00:38:15Oh, Joe?

00:38:17He's sorry about last night.

00:38:20Yeah.

00:38:21Goodbye.

00:38:22Goodbye.

00:38:23Goodbye.

00:38:24Goodbye.

00:38:25Goodbye.

00:38:26I must say, it's been an absolute pleasure doing business with you, Mr Plythera.

00:38:30No, no, the pleasure is mine.

00:38:32And thank you for that lovely record.

00:38:34Yes, well, plant an olive tree for me.

00:38:36Good morning, my dear.

00:38:37Good morning.

00:38:38Good morning.

00:38:39Right.

00:38:40Set it up.

00:38:41Such a nice nap.

00:38:42And so straightforward.

00:38:43I've got the petition.

00:38:44Oh.

00:38:45Well, that's nice, isn't it?

00:38:46I'll have to find new digs now.

00:38:47Here.

00:38:48How about if I moved in with you?

00:38:49How about if you jump back in the lake again?

00:38:50What did you say to him?

00:38:51Well, that's nice, isn't it?

00:38:52I'll have to find new digs now.

00:38:53Here.

00:38:54How about if I moved in with you?

00:38:55How about if you jumped back in the lake again?

00:38:56What did you say to him?

00:38:57What?

00:38:58Nothing.

00:38:59I just asked him to sign the petition.

00:39:00Must have been the way that you said it.

00:39:01We're going to be late for work.

00:39:02Come on.

00:39:03Okay.

00:39:04Look, we'll try and get some more signatures in our lunch hour.

00:39:05Okay.

00:39:06Bye.

00:39:07See you.

00:39:08Listen, what's the name of the lady who lives in number four?

00:39:09Oh, Miss Bird?

00:39:10Yeah, that's her.

00:39:11You're not going to go in there alone, are you?

00:39:12No.

00:39:13No.

00:39:14No.

00:39:15No.

00:39:16No.

00:39:17No.

00:39:18No.

00:39:19No.

00:39:20No.

00:39:21No.

00:39:22No.

00:39:23No.

00:39:24No.

00:39:25Sara's playing.

00:39:26You're not getting there alone, are you?

00:39:27Well, I've got to get a signature, haven't I?

00:39:28Best of luck, mate.

00:39:30Keep your legs crossed.

00:39:35Yeah, son.

00:39:36Yeah?

00:39:37Not going up to Miss Bird's flat, are you?

00:39:39Yeah.

00:39:40Stick us outside the door, I haven't got time this morning.

00:39:46You're not going up to Miss Bird's flat, are you?

00:39:49Yeah.

00:39:50You should shove these through a box for me.

00:39:52Why?

00:39:53Well, I'm a married man.

00:40:13I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were the dustman.

00:40:16Oh, no. Uh, no, I'm Tripp.

00:40:20Robin, thank you, Tripp, from, uh, number six.

00:40:24Uh, I've come about the, the petition here.

00:40:26How fascinating.

00:40:28Oh.

00:40:30Ticklish.

00:40:31Well, yeah, just a little bit.

00:40:33If you could, please, if you could just sign...

00:40:36They're not true, you know. The rumours about me.

00:40:39Uh, what, what rumours?

00:40:41They're not true.

00:40:43People try to take advantage of my warm nature.

00:40:46Huh?

00:40:48Uh, I've got the pen here.

00:40:51If you could just put your signature...

00:40:53While you're here, would you like to see what I do?

00:40:57Oh, no, thank you. No, not really.

00:41:00I'm a potter.

00:41:01Oh, yes.

00:41:02I make erotic soup bowl.

00:41:04Ooh.

00:41:05Oh, that's fair. Oh, good God.

00:41:07Take one.

00:41:09I don't know if you're in favour of the permissive society.

00:41:14Oh, yeah, yes, I guess I am.

00:41:16But, you know, I just sort of feel that it shouldn't be made compulsory.

00:41:19The needs of a man and a woman are exactly the same.

00:41:24Yes, I know.

00:41:25But, I mean, you...

00:41:26You women, you know, you can just sort of switch it on, aren't you?

00:41:29But, um, a man needs... needs time and coaxing and...

00:41:36Would you prefer a pencil?

00:41:38No, I wouldn't.

00:41:39Look, er...

00:41:41I'm s... I'm sorry.

00:41:42This is far... far too early for me.

00:41:44Yeah.

00:41:45It's not as if I don't appreciate, you know, you're...

00:41:48You're very kind enough, but...

00:41:50But it's...

00:41:51Perhaps some other time.

00:41:53Okay?

00:41:54Yeah, sorry.

00:41:55Bye.

00:42:04Bob a job, miss.

00:42:05Anything I can do for you?

00:42:07No, I don't think so.

00:42:09Why don't you come back next year?

00:42:14Did you get it, then?

00:42:15Bloody nearly.

00:42:16I only hope the girls are getting more signatures than I am.

00:42:20Hey.

00:42:21Yeah?

00:42:22Yeah?

00:42:23Yeah.

00:42:24It's a petition to...

00:42:26It's a petition to save the Edwardian houses on Middleton Terrace.

00:42:30Eh?

00:42:31It won't take a moment of your time.

00:42:34Oh, it's half past one.

00:42:41Oh, excuse me.

00:42:42Would you mind signing this, please?

00:42:43Petition?

00:42:44Is it anything to do with bringing back hanging and flogging?

00:42:48Um...

00:42:49No, actually, it's to do with a new office development.

00:42:51Oh, couldn't you add something about bringing back hanging and flogging?

00:42:54I don't think so.

00:42:55I...

00:42:56I think it might confuse the issue.

00:42:58Excuse me.

00:43:02Spiros.

00:43:04Do sit down.

00:43:06Nothing under half a million tons.

00:43:08No.

00:43:09No.

00:43:10And, um, if necessary, we could incorporate a public amenity.

00:43:15Raise the capital in Deutschmarks.

00:43:17Perhaps the shell of a theater.

00:43:19Easily converted into an underground car park later.

00:43:22I want you to go to Japan.

00:43:24Yes, but I'm in the middle of organizing Middleton Terrace.

00:43:26And...

00:43:28Stop making excuses and get on with it.

00:43:31That's telling you, sir.

00:43:33I was talking to you, Pluthero.

00:43:35Yes, right now.

00:43:36I have, um...

00:43:37I have high hopes of finalizing the remaining properties by...

00:43:40By the end of the month.

00:43:41I want the dozers in.

00:43:43I can't keep capital tied up indefinitely.

00:43:46Quite, quite.

00:43:48I am as keen as yourself, sir, to see Pluthero House on that site.

00:43:51And, believe me...

00:43:52Pluthero House?

00:43:54Oh, well...

00:43:56Whatever we hear.

00:43:58You?

00:43:59Decide to call it.

00:44:00I just thought it being my first real major project.

00:44:02Nelson House.

00:44:04Oh, yes.

00:44:05Yes.

00:44:06Very apt, sir.

00:44:07Lovely ring to it.

00:44:08After the seafaring, gentlemen.

00:44:11After my wife's basset hound.

00:44:16Um...

00:44:17Joe Moon, you stop doing that.

00:44:18Behave yourself.

00:44:19Excuse me.

00:44:20What?

00:44:21Oh, put me down as a don't know.

00:44:22Look.

00:44:23Well, you don't know what it's about yet.

00:44:24That's what I just said.

00:44:25I'm a don't know.

00:44:26Leave it alone, Enoch.

00:44:28Another twenty this evening.

00:44:29Oh, you're not counting the two Adolf Hitlers, are you?

00:44:30I'm not counting the two Adolf Hitlers, are you?

00:44:31I'm not counting one.

00:44:32But the other one did look a bit like him.

00:44:33Oh.

00:44:34And what time do you call this?

00:44:35Quarter to seven.

00:44:36Exactly.

00:44:37And my chicken tuafra has been ready for the last half an hour.

00:44:38Blimey.

00:44:39We should have bought in some flowers.

00:44:40I've done my best to save it, but I'm not promising you anything.

00:44:41You are sweet.

00:44:42You are sweet.

00:44:43You can't get round me like that.

00:44:44You can't get round me like that.

00:44:45Perhaps you'd like to join us.

00:44:46Perhaps you'd like to join us.

00:44:47Hey, we better go.

00:44:48watch out.

00:44:49Otherwise we'll go back to mother.

00:44:50Bye-bye, oh.

00:44:51One is to find a new Christmas tree.

00:44:53Oh.

00:44:54And what time do you call this?

00:44:55Quarter to seven.

00:44:56Exactly.

00:44:57And my chicken tuafra has been ready for the last half an hour.

00:44:59Blimey.

00:45:00We should've bought in some flowers.

00:45:02I've done my best to save it, but I'm not promising you anything.

00:45:05You are sweet.

00:45:10You can't get round me like that.

00:45:12Perhaps you'd like to join us?

00:45:14Hey, we'd better watch out, otherwise we'll go back to mother.

00:45:21Right.

00:45:23We're starting off with Lebanese cucumber soup.

00:45:29Well, give it a chance.

00:45:32Followed by chicken with peach and ginger salad.

00:45:36Well, you're making it up.

00:45:38Sorry.

00:45:40Oh, we must be late. The soup's gone cold.

00:45:42It's supposed to be cold!

00:45:46I just don't know why bother.

00:45:49Oh, it's very nice.

00:45:52Hey, we only need a couple more signatures to make a thousand.

00:45:55Yeah, I've still got to get the woman down the road, you know, the one with the poodle.

00:45:58But she's never in.

00:46:00Haven't been back to Miss Bird yet, either.

00:46:02And there's nowhere I'm going to.

00:46:04Coward.

00:46:05Right.

00:46:06You're having us on. She can't be as bad as all...

00:46:10Oh, my goodness.

00:46:13Oh, thanks, George.

00:46:15Could just do with a nice cup of tea.

00:46:16Oh, yeah.

00:46:17Well, there's one in the pot.

00:46:19I was thinking, Mildred.

00:46:22Perhaps we should consider selling it.

00:46:24What, this?

00:46:25It's all rust and rattles.

00:46:26No, no, no.

00:46:27I mean the house.

00:46:28I mean, think of the money we could make.

00:46:30George, what good is money if you haven't got your elf?

00:46:33I've got me elf.

00:46:34Oh, I've got me elf.

00:46:35You won't have if you sell my house.

00:46:3822 years of marriage.

00:46:39All we've got to show for it is our house.

00:46:41Oh, well, it wasn't my fault.

00:46:43I went to the clinic and they said it wasn't my fault.

00:46:45Well, it certainly wasn't mine.

00:46:46I don't like children.

00:46:48Look, George, you can't hit the jackpot if you don't put the money in the machine.

00:46:52I suppose you think that Arthur Mulgrove could have done better.

00:46:55Who?

00:46:56Well, that fellow you keep going on about.

00:46:58George, I've mentioned him once in 22 years.

00:47:00I don't call that going on.

00:47:02And the answer to your question is yes.

00:47:04He could have done better.

00:47:05And no, you are not going to sell my house.

00:47:08Hello.

00:47:09Oh, hello, tears.

00:47:10How's it going?

00:47:11Oh, not bad.

00:47:12Oh, it's exhausting trying to get people interested.

00:47:14Yeah.

00:47:15I know how you feel.

00:47:17Yeah.

00:47:18I hear that.

00:47:19Flew the road fellow got the number three before you did.

00:47:21Yeah.

00:47:22Still, he hasn't bothered anyone else.

00:47:23Actually, I haven't seen him for a few days.

00:47:28Hey, do you think she's all right?

00:47:29Look at this lot.

00:47:30Perhaps she's here?

00:47:32Yes.

00:47:33Oh, hello.

00:47:34We were wondering if you'd like to sign this petition against the development of these houses.

00:47:38I'll be off now, Amelia.

00:47:39It's been a real pleasure.

00:47:41Must you go, Morris?

00:47:43Alas, I'm afraid so.

00:47:44Business, you know.

00:47:48Hello.

00:47:49He's such a wonderful man.

00:47:52Mr. Plew the road.

00:47:53Yes.

00:48:00Oh, yes.

00:48:02I'll find a pen.

00:48:03Would you like to step inside?

00:48:05No, no.

00:48:06I don't think I've got time for the pen.

00:48:08Oh, thank you.

00:48:14Of course, I don't own this house myself.

00:48:17Mm-hmm.

00:48:18It belongs to a gentleman friend.

00:48:19Ah, well, perhaps you could ask him to sign it as well.

00:48:22He doesn't live here, dear.

00:48:24Be your age.

00:48:28Right, I've got the lady with the poodle to sign it.

00:48:30How do you get on with Miss Bird?

00:48:32Oh, how do you think?

00:48:41We only need one more signature, and then we've got a thousand.

00:48:45There must be someone we know who hasn't signed it.

00:48:47You're not going to believe this.

00:48:48Oh.

00:48:49Stupid, isn't he?

00:48:50Oh.

00:48:51Oh.

00:48:52Oh.

00:48:53Oh.

00:48:54Oh.

00:48:55Oh.

00:48:56Oh.

00:48:57Oh.

00:48:58Oh.

00:48:59Oh.

00:49:00Oh.

00:49:01Oh.

00:49:02Oh.

00:49:03Oh.

00:49:04Oh.

00:49:05Oh.

00:49:06Oh.

00:49:07Oh.

00:49:08Oh.

00:49:09Oh.

00:49:10Oh.

00:49:11Oh.

00:49:12Do come in.

00:49:13I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.

00:49:14I've been in the house.

00:49:15The Prime Minister was speaking for over an hour.

00:49:16Oh, really?

00:49:17What about?

00:49:18He didn't say.

00:49:19Oh, do sit down.

00:49:20Oh.

00:49:21Oh.

00:49:22Oh.

00:49:23Oh.

00:49:24Oh.

00:49:25Oh.

00:49:26Oh.

00:49:27Oh.

00:49:28Oh.

00:49:29Oh.

00:49:30Oh.

00:49:31Oh.

00:49:32Oh.

00:49:33Oh.

00:49:34Oh.

00:49:35Oh.

00:49:36Oh.

00:49:37Oh.

00:49:38Oh.

00:49:39Oh.

00:49:40Oh.

00:49:41Oh.

00:49:42Oh.

00:49:43Oh.

00:49:44Oh, I'm one of your constituents, and I'd like you to accept this petition.

00:49:46To save six Edwardian houses from being pulled down for an office block.

00:49:49Oh.

00:49:50Very impressive.

00:49:52I don't know what I'm expected to do.

00:49:54Well, you are President of the Preserved London Society.

00:49:57Oh.

00:49:58Oh, that, yes.

00:49:59Oh, my wife gets me involved in the most ex ...

00:50:04A thousand people have signed this petition.

00:50:06Well, I've ...

00:50:07The people who live in ...

00:50:09Middleton Terrace.

00:50:10Terrace. Middleton Terrace. did you say Middleton Terrace? near Clombie Square.

00:50:18that's right. I know it. charming little row of houses. they can't pull that down.

00:50:31thousand signatures you say.

00:50:35all right. all right. hello. hello. hello darling. it's a ploopsie. I've been trying to ring you.

00:50:47I've been to the Poodle Parlour. are you coming round tonight love? well um it's the wife's birthday.

00:50:57sorry. oh but i've got a new gin slip specially. really? and it's your size.

00:51:05yeah. well maybe um just for five minutes. i really rang to reassure you about this

00:51:13development nonsense. i i wish you told me darling. but i haven't seen you for absolutely ages darling.

00:51:20and you said never to ring you at home or you. no no no. quite quite. don't worry. i'll put a stop for it.

00:51:26bang the drum a bit you know. they don't like publicity these uh development boys. why not?

00:51:33you do. oh well that's different. don't want to be a backbencher all my life. no harm in letting

00:51:39the public know the things you do. not all the things you do. sauce box.

00:51:47is it green or navy blue? and would the minister agree that the middleton terrace scheme highlights

00:51:58the problem of profits before people? the octopus of office development must be stopped before inner

00:52:05london becomes a concrete desert. cries of hear hear and shame. yeah i think i've got a bunion coming.

00:52:14sir edmund then asked the minister for an assurance.

00:52:18uh george. that only just missed me. oh sorry. i've told you about not doing that in here. one of

00:52:24these days you're gonna have somebody's eyes out. all right well i'll do it in the kitchen then.

00:52:27you will not. i've got a salad on the table. all right all right. pig. it's big hooray for battling

00:52:35sir edmund and a swift harvey smith for the build them anywhere brigade. great stuff. here's another bit.

00:52:42sir edmund president of the preserve london society accepted a 1 000 snigger to your petition.

00:52:50that'll be the guardian. right. from local resid nets. and the society are pressing the glc for a

00:52:56preservation order. tell you another thing we could do if the worst comes to the worst. we could occupy

00:53:01the building. we already occupy it. we've got a lease. oh well so much better. won't be illegal.

00:53:07is there anything in your paper? yeah. 38 24 36. has appeared in crossroads the benny hill show

00:53:16and hopes one day to be an actress. listen um does anybody fancy a game or something? what cards?

00:53:26no no no not cards. how about um how about a little game of monopoly? oh half the money's missing. well

00:53:33we don't have to play with money. i mean uh you know we can play with something else.

00:53:42not strip monopoly. why not? oh all right then get the board out. all right.

00:53:49actually my granddad taught me how to play this. i always win.

00:53:54very kind of you to see me sir edmund. well i'm afraid it won't do you much good mr um

00:53:59i'm totally opposed to your scheme. yes indeed. you haven't spoken out so strongly for years.

00:54:16not since your great campaign against purchase tax on jim slips. yes well um i shall continue to speak out

00:54:25on television tomorrow night. i shall be putting the facts before the public. including the fact that

00:54:31you own one of the properties. these faceless men. what? at number five i think. um yes well one has to

00:54:44have a house in one's own constituency. i seldom use it myself. no. miss hazel lovett is i believe the occupier.

00:54:52oh yes. a friend of yours i presume? yes. or perhaps a friend of your good lady wife. oh really? no.

00:55:06hey mildred. they've got next door.

00:55:25hey they've got all of them except ours. you think of the strong bargaining position it puts us in.

00:55:29i mean if we were thinking of selling it. which we're not. well i'm going into town to buy myself a

00:55:37sexy see-through nightie. what for? i'll tell you what for george. because if ever i die a violent death

00:55:46you stand a fair chance of recognizing the body.

00:55:49i'll tell you what for george.

00:55:56silly bitch.

00:56:03how typical of women that. selfish they are. i mean when has she ever given me anything hey? apart from you.

00:56:28now tilly arthur. women they've got... arthur?

00:56:34oh good morning. mr rober. morris prutherow.

00:56:51i wondered if i might have a word with your lady wife and yourself.

00:56:55oh yeah we'll go through. she's out at the moment.

00:56:57oh what a pity. still i'm sure um you and i uh man to man so sweet.

00:57:04i was expecting this you know. follow me. you need this house hey? the last one. puts me in a very

00:57:12strong bargaining position hey? um no. yeah well of course i know all about these things. how do you

00:57:19mean? well i really dropped in to apologize. you see when we knock down the other five houses it's

00:57:25bound to cause you a lot of inconvenience. dust, noise, possibly vermin.

00:57:32reduce the value of your property. hang on hang on. i haven't refused to sell it.

00:57:37well i wouldn't try to persuade you mr rober. oh i'll sell it yeah. the same price as you paid the

00:57:43others. done. and you'll take it with the sitting tenants.

00:57:51what sitting tenants? well them upstairs. they've got a three-year lease.

00:57:56are you suggesting i knock down the bottom half and leave them up there? well no no.

00:58:01well it doesn't prevent you buying a house does it? how shall i put it mr rober?

00:58:06yes it does. which one of them actually signed the lease?

00:58:12good afternoon. well well well. fancy seeing you of all people.

00:58:28blue throne. off to lunch are you? yes. well perhaps i could give you a lift or even buy you a lunch.

00:58:33what for? oh come now. does there have to be a reason? be my guest.

00:58:48any particular restaurant you fancy? savoy grill? the ritz? do they take lunch of vouchers?

00:58:55no. i beg. i insist. why? the pleasure of your company. plus of course a small business

00:59:02matter to tidy up. calton towers? no. i know a very nice little restaurant. straight on.

00:59:17i thought i might add a touch more nutmeg. you know. just a gnats like. you know. a subtle hint.

00:59:23i mean if you if you think it's all right. if you don't just say so. no no that'll be fine. oh great.

00:59:28well i'll i'll go and wash my hands again. i've been touching the flower. here. you see any just coming?

00:59:42200. pounds. just for your lease. what do you say? i'll tell you later. i wouldn't like to spoil your

00:59:50lunch. ah come now. mr pluthero. i'm a naive young girl. i wouldn't say that. oh but it's what you were

00:59:57thinking. look you can't just buy people off. ah. idealism. i'm an idealist myself. 250. there are

01:00:07other people living in that flat. loyalty. a rare quality. 300. what's the going rate for motherhood

01:00:14and the flag? a big one. it's just the same fella you were telling me about. yeah. it's because of him

01:00:20i've got to look for a new ped. i'll start with the avocado. will you excuse me? of course.

01:00:32what's going on then? well not much. he's in the middle of trying to bribe me into throwing you

01:00:36and joe out on the streets. um i've been thinking and i've changed my mind. marvelous. i knew you would.

01:00:53i think i'll start with the beluga caviar instead. oh yes. oh um yes um one caviar and um i'll have the prawn

01:01:04cocktail. righto monsieur. he's got a nerve. he really has. what he needs is a knuckle butty. a salmon salad

01:01:12and a steak dianne for me. someone ought to teach him a lesson. right. what's he ordered then?

01:01:24well he's having a steak dianne. steak dianne. there's a lot you can do to a steak dianne.

01:01:31what are you going to do? i am going to add just a teeny bit too much black pepper. that's what i'm

01:01:37going to do. ah you can do a lot more to it than that mate. hey you're right. nip into the

01:01:43cavis next door. of course my mother wanted me to be a concert cellist but i didn't have the

01:01:48knees for it. so i went into property management. from one big fiddle to another. oh very good yes.

01:01:57caviar for mademoiselle and prawn cocktail from monsieur.

01:02:02yes. very artistic lady my mother. she used to stand me on the piano in the parlour to do drake's

01:02:10drum with gestures. was this recently? oh no no no. does your starter taste all right?

01:02:19mmm delicious. how's yours? unusual flavour. exotic.

01:02:26how's it going in chief? yes actually i think i'll cut down on the brandy.

01:02:35try some of that instead. syrup of figs. oh come on. no come on you can't do that to a steak dianne.

01:02:42i mean it's just. you can't. castor oil. just a dollop for the flavour.

01:02:50why not. here.

01:02:55bung some of that in as well. what is it? have some salts.

01:03:01why not. here. oh my god.

01:03:17look i know you're only doing your job. yes. it's underhand. it's sneaky. it's rotten. but it is your job.

01:03:25well. and you could go up to 400. 400. and the answer would still be no. oh.

01:03:36very rich this sauce. picot even.

01:03:42actually no i think we might have gone a bit too far here. it says use half a teaspoonful.

01:03:48still nothing seems to be happening. that's what they said about kraken tower.

01:03:52well look perhaps i just sort of better go out there and stroll out there and sort of

01:03:56casually mention that it's not an easy thing to bring up in a casual conversation is it? hardly.

01:04:10if you really wanted to you could stop it. oh i don't think i could my dear. the whole

01:04:15thing is too far advanced. we've agreed terms with five of the houses.

01:04:20so you're going to pull them down. oh i am indeed.

01:04:24does your coffee taste all right? fine. must be me.

01:04:31look. i'll tell you what i'll do. i'll make one final offer.

01:04:35i'll make one final offer.

01:04:40excuse me a minute.

01:04:49hello.

01:04:49i'm sorry to have kept you waiting.

01:05:01uh where was i? in there.

01:05:06oh no no. what was i saying?

01:05:07you were about to make a final offer.

01:05:10ah yes.

01:05:12and i was about to refuse it.

01:05:14oh.

01:05:26oh thank you. excuse me a minute.

01:05:28well right away. i am sorry to have kept you waiting sir. i had to stop off once or twice on the way.

01:05:43did you get all the houses?

01:05:44yes. yes. yes. almost.

01:05:49uh not quite. no. small problem with sitting tenants at number six. troublemakers.

01:05:58communists?

01:05:59no. worse. idealists.

01:06:05public relations tells me we're not getting a good press.

01:06:09ah yes. well um i i i can't.

01:06:15excuse me a moment sir.

01:06:16sit down.

01:06:19this could affect my nighthood.

01:06:23spiros?

01:06:25it may be personal sir. i'll just leave you to um.

01:06:27stay.

01:06:30hold on.

01:06:32i'm also informed from a reliable source that the glc will grant a preservation order at their next meeting.

01:06:38speak.

01:06:39uh um yes.

01:06:43yes he's here with me now.

01:06:44no i haven't told him.

01:06:46yet.

01:06:51public relations again.

01:06:52uh what um what haven't you told me sir?

01:07:04maurice. you know i've always liked you.

01:07:07oh don't say that sir.

01:07:10but i've been asked to appear on television this evening.

01:07:12to defend our.

01:07:14your middleton terrace development.

01:07:16not an easy task sir.

01:07:18no. no.

01:07:20that's why i'm not going to do it.

01:07:22wise. wise. wise.

01:07:24wise.

01:07:25you are.

01:07:26and you will disarm any criticism of the project.

01:07:30how?

01:07:30by telling them it is cancelled.

01:07:32yes but.

01:07:33but why?

01:07:35on environmental and moral grounds.

01:07:39a sincere gesture to public opinion.

01:07:42and because a certain incompetent was unable to knock down all six houses before a preservation order was planted on them.

01:07:50if.

01:07:52if i was able to get all the houses i i i could still.

01:07:56uh six o'clock tonight morris.

01:08:00i'll be watching.

01:08:04and uh should my name come up don't forget to stress that i give a lot to charities.

01:08:11anonymously.

01:08:12uh children's charity.

01:08:14no no.

01:08:16make it dogs.

01:08:20where are you going?

01:08:22not in my private washroom.

01:08:24no no no.

01:08:25no no.

01:08:54Ten television, Eastern round.

01:09:06No. Stop off at Middleton Terrace, number six.

01:09:14Oh, you. Come in. Thank you.

01:09:17Mr. Roper, I'll buy it.

01:09:19Eh? What do you mean, would they sit in tenants?

01:09:21Yes, yes. I don't think they'll stay long once I've knocked down the steppies. Sign this.

01:09:25There, there, and there.

01:09:28Can I use your washroom facilities?

01:09:30What? Oh, you mean the bog?

01:09:32Oh, yeah. Well, it's actually there.

01:09:42All I need now is a pen.

01:09:44There.

01:09:47Oh.

01:09:49Oh, God.

01:09:51Those tube trains in the rush hour.

01:09:54Oh.

01:09:55All those men pressing up against you.

01:09:58You can't move.

01:09:59They're breathing in your ear.

01:10:01Oh, it was lovely.

01:10:03Very nice, I'm sure.

01:10:05Oh, by the way, I got my seat through nicely, though.

01:10:08There.

01:10:11There.

01:10:12I bet that'll send your blood pressure up.

01:10:14Oh, yeah.

01:10:15In fact, I'm sure of it.

01:10:16Look at the price tag.

01:10:18Of course.

01:10:19True.

01:10:21Oh, and what have you got here?

01:10:22Oh, er, er, yeah.

01:10:24Well, er, if you've signed it, I'll just, er...

01:10:28...afternoon.

01:10:30I see.

01:10:31Well, he did try to make me sign it, my love.

01:10:34But I didn't.

01:10:37You turned down 400 pounds?

01:10:39I think that's right.

01:10:40Daft.

01:10:41Come on.

01:10:42Yeah, but it's nice as well.

01:10:43Oh, don't you believe it?

01:10:44I was holding out for 500, but he left.

01:10:46Come on.

01:10:47Out.

01:10:48Mr. Rubber.

01:10:49Coming in here, baffling my poor, greedy little husband like that here.

01:10:54Get out!

01:10:55Mr. Rubber, this is your last opportunity.

01:10:57If you do not take it, I shall go on television tonight and cancel the whole project.

01:11:00What?

01:11:01It's true.

01:11:02Look.

01:11:03Hey, that's great.

01:11:04Fantastic.

01:11:05That's exactly what we want.

01:11:08Isn't it, George?

01:11:10Think, think of my wife and children.

01:11:12That's them, there.

01:11:13Look.

01:11:14Look.

01:11:15If their daddy doesn't make a success of this, what will happen to the little mice?

01:11:18Oh, my God.

01:11:19It's not easy when your father is a failure.

01:11:27You're hard, you people.

01:11:29Hard.

01:11:30Just see him to his car.

01:11:31No, George.

01:11:32You just get in there.

01:11:43Can I have your photograph back, Jenkins?

01:11:45No?

01:11:46Um, how are you feeling?

01:11:50Ha!

01:11:51Thought you might be.

01:11:52Thames Television, Euston Road.

01:11:54So, we cancel one project.

01:12:05There'll be others for me.

01:12:08You have your ear to the ground, Jenkins.

01:12:10You know who's on the way up and who's on the way out, don't you?

01:12:13Oh.

01:12:14That's it, George.

01:12:15We won.

01:12:16What's the name of that program he's on?

01:12:17Eh?

01:12:18No.

01:12:19Today, six o'clock.

01:12:20We must wash it.

01:12:21Get the sherry out, George.

01:12:22We deserve a little celebration.

01:12:23Mmm.

01:12:24Oh, hello.

01:12:25Hello.

01:12:26Hello, love.

01:12:27Where's everybody?

01:12:28Oh, they're in the kitchen.

01:12:29Oh.

01:12:30We were wondering whether you'd like to join us for a...

01:12:32Oh, hello.

01:12:33Hello, love.

01:12:34Where's everybody?

01:12:35Oh, they're in the kitchen.

01:12:37Oh.

01:12:38We were wondering whether you'd like to join us for a...

01:12:41Oof.

01:12:42Oh.

01:12:43Oh.

01:12:44Oh.

01:12:45Oh.

01:12:46Oh.

01:12:47Oh.

01:12:48Oh.

01:12:49Oh.

01:12:50Oh.

01:12:51Oh.

01:12:52Oh.

01:12:53Oh.

01:12:54Oh.

01:12:55Oh.

01:12:56Oh.

01:12:58Oh.

01:12:59Oh.

01:13:00Oh.

01:13:01Oh.

01:13:02Oh.

01:13:03Oh.

01:13:04Oh.

01:13:05Oh.

01:13:06Oh.

01:13:07Oh.

01:13:09Oh.

01:13:10Oh.

01:13:11Oh.

01:13:12Oh.

01:13:13Oh.

01:13:14Oh.

01:13:15Oh, oh.

01:13:16Oh.

01:13:17I think we owe quite a lot to Mr. Oprah.

01:13:18After all, if he'd sold the house, where would we be now?

01:13:20Visiting him in hospital, love.

01:13:21It just shows you when ordinary men and women get together and put their minds to it,

01:13:25they can really do things.

01:13:27Yeah, I'll drink that.

01:13:28Yeah, so will I.

01:13:29Oh, hello.

01:13:31Never mind, dear.

01:13:32There's a drink waiting for you downstairs.

01:13:34I've only got sherry.

01:13:41Oh, nothing like a pint of draught sherry.

01:13:43Oh, no, come on.

01:13:44If I get whiskey in, George drinks it.

01:13:46Right?

01:13:47George!

01:13:55Lovely.

01:13:56Lovely.

01:14:04George!

01:14:09Well, where's he going?

01:14:11Just a minute.

01:14:13I've got an idea.

01:14:16There.

01:14:17I was right.

01:14:18Here, look.

01:14:19Huh?

01:14:19That's where he's going.

01:14:21Well, come on.

01:14:29George!

01:14:30Who are you?

01:14:31George!

01:14:32Where are you going?

01:14:32This is where Pluthrow's gone.

01:14:45It's a bit of luck.

01:14:46Except the keys in the car.

01:14:47Come on, George.

01:14:48Quick.

01:14:51Shall we ask him first?

01:14:53Oh, I'm sure he won't mind.

01:14:58Oi!

01:15:02Oh, yes, sir.

01:15:18I'll fix that up.

01:15:19Hey, just a minute.

01:15:20Very good, sir.

01:15:22Um, I've got to see a man.

01:15:24That's his role.

01:15:25He's outside.

01:15:26He's going on the, uh, what's his name?

01:15:28In the Today program.

01:15:29Ah, that's Studio Freeza.

01:15:31Ah!

01:15:33Just a minute.

01:15:33Do you have a ticket?

01:15:34What?

01:15:35Oh, no.

01:15:36Look, just step aside.

01:15:37I'm in a hurry.

01:15:37Unless you've got a ticket, you can't go in there.

01:15:39Now, don't you come back with me.

01:15:41I know your sort.

01:15:42Oh, do you?

01:15:42Well, no, no.

01:15:43Let's sit down.

01:15:44Let's sit down.

01:15:48I pay my license, jumped-up twit.

01:15:50Well, is this absolutely necessary?

01:16:00Yes, love.

01:16:00I mean, we don't want your nose flaring, do we?

01:16:03Oh, dear.

01:16:04I do hope we don't get any strobing off those wrinkles.

01:16:07Ah, Sir Edmund.

01:16:09Oh, looking a bit peaky.

01:16:12How do you do?

01:16:12I do hope we don't get any strobing off those wrinkles.

01:16:42Hold it.

01:16:45Hold it.

01:16:46Where do you bring you a gun?

01:16:49Um, I'm a vicar.

01:16:52I'm, um, I'm a freaked out hippie swinging vicar of, um,

01:16:58St. Teresa's of the, um, of the Rowe Roses.

01:17:01And, uh, I'm doing the, uh, epilogue, um, interviewing Miss, um,

01:17:08Miss World, Miss World here.

01:17:10I'm interested in travel and meeting people.

01:17:13And religion.

01:17:14Which way's the today's studio?

01:17:16I don't know you've got any tickets.

01:17:18We want to catch my husband before he gets into...

01:17:20What?

01:17:23Arthur.

01:17:24Eh?

01:17:25Arthur Mulgrove.

01:17:26Mildred.

01:17:27Mildred.

01:17:31Mildred Asquith.

01:17:33Oh, Arthur.

01:17:35Mildred.

01:17:37Do you think those two know each other?

01:17:40Ah.

01:17:42Mildred.

01:17:42Oh, well, well, well, Arthur.

01:17:48Fancy that?

01:17:50My Mildred.

01:17:53Stop it.

01:17:53Stop it, you hear me or you'll go blind.

01:17:56Excuse me.

01:17:57Who are you?

01:17:58Uh, uh, Mr. Roper.

01:18:00What a good memory you've got.

01:18:01Oh, thank you.

01:18:02Yeah, look, I'm, I'm looking for today.

01:18:04Today?

01:18:04This is today.

01:18:05It's here with us all day today.

01:18:06No, no, no.

01:18:07All day today.

01:18:08Even if you're standing on it.

01:18:09No, no.

01:18:09Oh, these walls are today.

01:18:10No, I, I mean this general direction.

01:18:12It's all in the general direction today.

01:18:13No, studio, studio three.

01:18:15Studio three?

01:18:16Yes.

01:18:18Straight up here.

01:18:20Left.

01:18:22And left again.

01:18:23Left again.

01:18:24And then left again.

01:18:25Yeah.

01:18:25Oh, and I'll be there?

01:18:26No, you'll be back here.

01:18:27But by then, somebody might be here.

01:18:28Who knows the way?

01:18:30Try to get these things out.

01:18:38Yes.

01:18:39Well, I kept your photograph with me all through the Malayan campaign.

01:18:43Wrapped up in me.

01:18:44Oh.

01:18:45Oh, well.

01:18:46Here.

01:18:47I made my budgie after you.

01:18:49Oh, Mildred.

01:18:51Oh.

01:18:53I would have replied to your letters, but you never wrote any.

01:18:56Oh.

01:18:57Well, I didn't want my feelings for you going through the army censor, now, did I?

01:19:01Oh.

01:19:02I didn't know.

01:19:04Well, then you see, I took up with this butcher's boy.

01:19:06Oh.

01:19:08Anything ever come of that, then?

01:19:09Oh, no.

01:19:10Nothing at all.

01:19:11I married him.

01:19:14Well, I think the...

01:19:15Tell Bill three minutes to go.

01:19:17Yes, sir.

01:19:17If he wants to.

01:19:18They have air conditioning, don't they?

01:19:20Well, they do.

01:19:21There's this damn side all over the house switched on.

01:19:23Sir Edmund Weir, how do you do, sir?

01:19:28What?

01:19:30Good Lord.

01:19:32Well, I didn't expect this.

01:19:35What a surprise it is.

01:19:37You certainly had me fooled.

01:19:39No, sir, Edmund.

01:19:41This is not your life.

01:19:42This is just the programme script.

01:19:44Sorry.

01:19:45Mr. Protherale, how do you do, sir?

01:19:47How do you do?

01:19:48May I?

01:19:48And now I'm afraid we can't.

01:19:57Where's the blind?

01:19:57Blind, do you hear me?

01:19:59Oh, excuse me.

01:20:00Of course.

01:20:00Anything for a sailor?

01:20:01Oh.

01:20:01Autographs, right.

01:20:03I didn't really want of yours.

01:20:04A new hack-up puncture.

01:20:05See for an autograph.

01:20:06I wanted your autograph.

01:20:07Excellent.

01:20:08Sorry.

01:20:08Can you tell us where Studio 3 is?

01:20:10Of course.

01:20:12You can go straight up there

01:20:12until we get to Stoke-on-Trent,

01:20:14and ask again.

01:20:16I think you're very funny,

01:20:17and you really make me laugh.

01:20:19I'm sure actually he doesn't want to know about that.

01:20:21Shut up!

01:20:22Come!

01:20:23Woo!

01:20:23Go on, street.

01:20:24Somewhere else.

01:20:25Carry on.

01:20:25Tell me more.

01:20:31Excuse me, but...

01:20:32No, no, no.

01:20:38White will win in the end.

01:20:40Ah, no chance, Jack.

01:20:41Black will win in the end.

01:20:42White, excuse me.

01:20:43Black.

01:20:44Look, I've been doing these chess problems for years.

01:20:47White may be a pawn down,

01:20:48but his...

01:20:49Excuse me.

01:20:51Do you know...

01:20:53Here, you're...

01:20:54I know you.

01:20:55You're Sambo the Nignog.

01:20:57Straight out of the jungle.

01:20:59Just a minute.

01:21:00Do you mind?

01:21:01You mustn't talk to my friend like that.

01:21:02Oh, you do on the telly.

01:21:04He gets paid for it.

01:21:06I mean, you're just as bad.

01:21:07I mean, you call him White Onky

01:21:08and Snowflakes and...

01:21:10Do you know the way to Studio 3?

01:21:15About to do.

01:21:16Oh, no.

01:21:17Tart.

01:21:19Dear, dear, dear.

01:21:20What have you been, mate?

01:21:22Then go for and see a White Lady.

01:21:25Pardon?

01:21:26Would you put those papers down with me?

01:21:28John, I'm too.

01:21:30Look, I know you're a tin man, love,

01:21:32but let's photograph the money, eh?

01:21:37On to bill.

01:21:422.45.

01:21:43Don't buy, telly, Sydney.

01:21:44Let me in.

01:21:46I've got the seat.

01:21:47Are you one of the invited audiences?

01:21:49Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:21:50All right, get in there.

01:21:51Behave yourself in an orderly fashion.

01:21:53No fidgeting, no smoking.

01:21:55All right.

01:21:57Now, be quiet!

01:21:59I'm sorry.

01:22:00I, um, I trust you're not going to say a word about, uh, Hazel.

01:22:15Miss Lovett.

01:22:18I wouldn't want the world to know that I've been keeping a young lady in number five.

01:22:24No, you wouldn't, would you?

01:22:27Ten seconds to go.

01:22:28Good luck, boys and girls.

01:22:30Nine, eight, seven, roll, telly, Sydney, five, four, three, two, one.

01:22:40Good evening, and welcome to tonight's edition of the Today programme.

01:22:45We're going to devote the whole of this evening to the Middleton Terrace controversy,

01:22:50a project which really has highlighted the scandal of homes being swept away

01:22:56and replacing them by office blocks.

01:22:59With me in the studio, I have Sir Edmund Weir.

01:23:04Good evening.

01:23:05And Mr. Morris Plothero.

01:23:09All right, it's more of my job's worth.

01:23:11Look, couldn't you just let us sneak in quietly?

01:23:13It's very important.

01:23:14I'm not allowed to let you in.

01:23:19I'm not allowed to smoke on duty, are there?

01:23:23Or accept, uh, gratuities.

01:23:26Um, perhaps, uh...

01:23:29Oh, well, the, uh, the programme has started, but, uh, perhaps, uh...

01:23:41Very liquid voucher.

01:23:51Well, I've got some, uh, press cuttings here, gentlemen.

01:23:55Now, here's one.

01:23:56Um, these property leeches, I'm quoting now,

01:24:00these property leeches must be plucked from the fair body of England's capital.

01:24:05We shall fight them on the planning committees.

01:24:07We shall fight them on the local councils.

01:24:10We shall never surrender until this misbegotten project is cancelled.

01:24:14Your own words, Sir Edmund.

01:24:17You still stand by them.

01:24:21Well...

01:24:21No.

01:24:24No?

01:24:27Mr. Plothero, you, of course, believe that this development is socially necessary and must go ahead.

01:24:35Well, uh, no.

01:24:38No.

01:24:41I see.

01:24:42Well, there we have the respective positions.

01:24:46Hey, there's Roper.

01:24:48Later in the programme, there'll be questions from the studio audience.

01:24:52But in the meantime, if I understand the position correctly,

01:24:56you, sir, are now in favour of the offices,

01:25:00and you are against them.

01:25:03Yes and no.

01:25:05Who the hell's that?

01:25:07Fred, be a puppet.

01:25:10Get him out, will you?

01:25:11No, not altogether.

01:25:14He's got the agreement.

01:25:16You see, Bill, we property people are misunderstood.

01:25:20For instance, I have here the plans,

01:25:23the office development permits.

01:25:24I just wanted a word with him.

01:25:26He's got what he wants.

01:25:27Oh, good evening.

01:25:31And the agreements equitably arrived at by five of the householders, including...

01:25:38Oh, yes.

01:25:41But my superior, Mr. Spiros,

01:25:46a man who has given several children to dogs' charities, anonymously, of course,

01:25:52and who is very anxious about his knighthood,

01:25:56has decided to cancel the whole project on environmental grounds.

01:26:01So it only remains for me to publicly tear this lot up

01:26:08and announce that compensation will be paid to each and every...

01:26:14number six.

01:26:17Number six.

01:26:29Oh, isn't that a lovely sight?

01:26:33Right.

01:26:34Hey.

01:26:36Morning!

01:26:41Go on.

01:26:44Chrissie?

01:26:45Mm-hmm?

01:26:45Um, have you ever...

01:26:48Have you ever played, er, chess?

01:26:52Yes.

01:26:52My grandma taught me.

01:26:54Forget it.

01:26:57Ah, well, at least everybody's getting compensation.

01:27:00Everyone except the Ropers.

01:27:01Oh, I don't know.

01:27:03I think Mrs. Roper might be getting some.

01:27:09There's his taxi, George.

01:27:11Are you going to help him in with his luggage?

01:27:13Stuff his luggage.

01:27:15I don't know what we want to lodge her for anyway.

01:27:18Oh, Arthur!

01:27:21Oh, marvellous to see you!

01:27:25Oh, there we are.

01:27:27Morning, Mildred.

01:27:28Morning, love.

01:27:29Come on inside.

01:27:30George is just dying to see you.

01:27:32You're looking lovely.

01:27:35You're looking lovely.

01:27:37I know.

01:27:42Um, is that the game where you try to huff people?

01:27:45No, no, no, no.

01:27:46That's drafts.

01:27:47Oh, well, then I can't play chess.

01:27:51Aren't you?

01:27:54Well, you see, it's a very simple game.

01:27:58But first of all, you must find out the value of the pieces, you see.

01:28:02Now, say, for instance, here we have a pawn.

01:28:06Pawn.

01:28:07Pawn, that's right.

01:28:07And that's worth a pair of tights.

01:28:11See?

01:28:11Mm-hmm.

01:28:12Here we have a bishop.

01:28:15And that's got to be worth a skirt.

01:28:18And here we have the queen.

01:28:20The queen.

01:28:21The queen, yes.

01:28:22And that's got to be worth, well, we'll sort that out some other time.

01:28:25But you see, the whole object of the game is to try to mate.

01:28:31I've always had it easy

01:28:35With a man about the place

01:28:39Steaming up the mirror

01:28:42When I'm making up my face

01:28:46He's just a friend

01:28:48A helping hand

01:28:50A ready, willing smile

01:28:53But could it be

01:28:55That love has been here

01:28:57On my doorstep all the while

01:29:02But it's not easy when he's always been

01:29:06Just a man about the house

01:29:09Must rearrange things

01:29:12Not to estrange him

01:29:14Now I know

01:29:17With all the little things we've shared and said

01:29:21Right from the start

01:29:23How can I tell him

01:29:26What's here in my heart?

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