- 13 hours ago
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00:00I'll see you next time
00:30Hello, Fargo.
00:46Ah, hud, giant.
00:48Hello.
00:48You have Chris looking great for the competition.
00:51Thanks, lads.
00:53Ah, hi there, Crilly.
00:54Hello there.
00:56Fargo.
00:57How's the champ?
00:58Ah, he's great.
01:00Few quid on him this year, Father.
01:01I've put the entire annual heating allowance on him to win.
01:05If he doesn't win, what does that mean, Father?
01:08Well, we won't have any heating.
01:10But if the rest of the year stays as warm as the summer, we're laughing.
01:15Come on.
01:16It's Chris.
01:17He's the champ.
01:18Talk about a safe bet.
01:21Giant, have you heard about this creature going around terrorising sheep on the island?
01:27No.
01:28Tell me more.
01:30They say it's as big as a jaguar.
01:33The car?
01:34No, the big cat thing.
01:37And its face is all teeth.
01:40Big white teeth, as sharp as knives.
01:43Has it killed yet?
01:44No, but it's only a matter of time.
01:48I hope it doesn't get any of my sheep.
01:50No man's sheep is safe.
01:52No man's sheep is safe.
01:52Oh, dear.
01:53Has it killed yet?
02:15No, but it's only a matter of time.
02:18Big white teeth, as sharp as knives.
02:22No.
02:23Oh, thank God.
02:24It's called an egg Notch.
02:27levish.
02:28No man's sheep.
02:29No man's sheep.
02:29No man's sheep.
02:30No man's sheep.
02:31No man's sheep.
02:31No man's sheep.
02:33No man's sheep.
02:34It's only a pair of scam.
02:35Yeah, seek to kill.
02:36Oh!
02:36Yes!
02:37Oh!
02:37Oh!
02:38Oh!
02:39Oh!
02:40Oh!
02:40Oh!
02:41Oh!
02:41Oh!
02:42Oh!
02:43Oh!
02:43Oh!
02:45Oh!
02:46Oh!
02:47Oh!
02:47Dougal give the album a rest now come on Ted it's brilliant I think people will soon give up
03:02listening to pop music and listen to this type of thing instead you know from what I hear in
03:08the charts today I'm not sure if that's not happening already what this is so good though
03:17Ted isn't it they've got all kinds of things as if by magic I can create a big crowd of invisible
03:22ducks or take you on a trip into darkest Africa or bring you into a spooky castle on a stormy night
03:47hello Craggy Island parochial house father Ted Crilley speaking father Fargo can you come over here quick
03:56well certainly Fargo what seems to be the I have to go out do there's something up with Fargo boil this is
04:07doing all right you look terrible doesn't you do good awful Ted I didn't get much sleep father I kept
04:16thinking I heard this terrible howling noise well that'd be the beast what's this now there's something
04:24terrible on the moors father moors we we don't have any moors well then there's something terrible
04:37roaming around the place where normally there would be moors father they think it might be a kind of giant
04:44fox Dougal sorry Ted it couldn't be jack could it you could see how someone might mistake him for a big
04:56mad cat don't forget to will during leap years father Jack is very much affected by the changing of
05:02the seasons for a short while a marvelous serenity enters his life and he is at one with nature
05:08he's great when he's in the mood if only it lasted a bit longer
05:28I better go and make some tea
05:39Dougal I told you to turn off that record but it is off
05:49what do you mean Chris isn't in the competition he's the champ you have to enter him all this talk
06:03of the beast has got to him his nerves are short I took a photo of him this morning nerves I mean
06:10Fargo it's a sheep he always had a very artistic temperament father yeah but I mean he's not a
06:16concert penis he's a sheep yeah I don't see how oh my god I mean when you compare it with what he
06:24looked like last year it's like two completely different sheep he's office food he's not sleeping
06:39and he started took bar what am I going to do Fargo pull yourself together Chris needs you no more
06:56than he's ever needed you come on I want to see him Fargo that's an order take me to see Chris the
07:07unhappy sheep God do you should have seen him he's just a shadow of a sheep not surprised head if I
07:21was a sheep I'd be watching my back right now because of the beast this is as big as four cats and it's
07:30got a retractable leg so as it can leap up with you better but you know what Ted it lights up at
07:36night and it's got four ears two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back up
07:40ears it's closer as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps
07:46Mrs. Doyle was telling me that it's got magnets on its tail so if you're made out of metal it can
07:53attach itself to you and instead of a mouth it's got four arses it's a legend it doesn't exist right
08:05Ted the way the Phantom of the Opera doesn't exist the Phantom of the Opera doesn't exist look I'm not
08:10going to get into this what does exist and what doesn't exist debate again okay but I'm gonna have
08:14to insist you add those last two examples to the chart but Ted Dougal no I'm more worried about
08:30that bet I put on Chris becoming king of the sheep you don't think he'll win then no burping sheep has
08:36ever won it what about big Brendan in 1983 fluke anyway it's just a heating budget yeah and look
08:45what the weather news says that's last year's weather news what this is this year's oh no look
08:56I'd have to go and see if John and Mary will let me take my money back tomorrow I might go down
08:59with you see if they've got another sound effects album volume five fair enough good night then Dougal
09:05and some of his ears are on the inside of his head and when he yawns it sounds like Liam Neeson
09:22chasing a load of hens around inside a barrel hello Fargo and then he doesn't have any eyebrows at all
09:34except on Saturdays and I've thrown away the key how do you like that huh hello John hello father
09:55Macrily hello father Maguire where's Mary oh she's where her mother's is there someone in the cupboard hello father's
10:11Mary Mary Mary I forgot you were there I I thought you were there I thought you were at your mother's no I didn't go to me mother's after all I'm in the cupboard
10:23Mary what are you doing in there oh I know it's because of this beast of craggy island thing I thought that Mary would be safer in the cupboard
10:33I'll get them love you stay in the cupboard John can I have a word
10:48Is father Maguire there I am hello Mary lovely day isn't it father oh yes
10:56You're looking great anyway
11:02I'm sorry father a bet's a bet it's just that if the girl doesn't have the operation she won't be able to fetch water for her village
11:15I am sorry father it's a pity you didn't wait though the odds have lengthened to twenty to one on account of Chris's nervous troubles
11:23Anyway your cigarettes thanks Ted they don't have the sound effects album we might as well just go
11:32Bye bye bye
11:37Well I hope you're satisfied
11:40Ah shut up
11:42Oh look there's giant Reed
11:48Hello giant
11:52What are you thinking about there Ted you should see the big serious look on your face
12:06I can't see Chris winning this competition Google Ted it's pointless even thinking about it you're only wasting your time
12:12There's nothing we can do about the situation we just have to accept the fact and that's that
12:19How about we bring Chris over here for a while maybe the change would do him good
12:22Oh wow brilliant
12:24I knew there was something we could do didn't I say it didn't I say to you there just a second ago
12:32No no you didn't you said the exact opposite there was absolutely nothing we could do
12:37Actually Ted you've done this to me before so I took the liberty of taping the conversation
12:44Now we'll just have a listen
12:47Ted it's pointless even thinking about it you're only wasting your time there's nothing we can do about the situation
12:53We've just got to accept the fact and that's that
12:56I stand corrected
13:06Ah there he is now anyway
13:11I'm still not sure about this now father
13:13Don't worry Fargo by the next time you see him he'll be a new sheep
13:16If not we'll make him into a jumper and a few chops
13:18Ah I'm terribly sorry that that was just tasteless I I am terribly terribly sorry
13:24I am terribly terribly sorry
13:26leftover
13:28Okay so and seriously if there's one place he can be sure of peace and quiet
13:32sure of peace and quiet I think we'll be an insult to you if I finished that
13:50sentence
13:56you're up early father yes we're off to try and get Chris into shape for the
14:01competition do you think what our new guest like a cup of tea father little
14:08sheep fellow I don't think they drink tea mrs. Doyle not unless you have some
14:13special sheep tea yes I do have some sheep tea in the kitchen right well give them
14:29some of that then okay so oh Ted it's nearly midday do we have to get up this
14:36early has to be done Dougal we've got to get Chris from looking like this to
14:44looking like this
14:51good luck to the search for the hero's house
14:55oh
14:56the search for the ship is your heart
15:00the search for the hero's house
15:04until you find the key to your heart
15:09the search for the hero's house
15:14hello father did you is he I'm sorry we tried everything oh well I suppose I I I I better take him home
15:36aha aha aha gotcha what did you do what did you do just did my best oh I don't know what to say
15:50father can I buy you a drink to celebrate all right Dougal you mind Chris till we get back and
15:55don't let him wander off keep an eye on him and keep that front door closed okay Ted
16:00is the best freaking sheep ever hey little sheep feet and you have to say
16:12great sense of humor really you only cast 23 pounds 23 there's some claws but I'd have to pay more
16:21if his image is ever used on steps yeah we're still the great partner for such a happy sheep
16:35it's not pasties yeah
16:37oh
16:38oh
16:39oh
16:40oh
16:41oh
16:42oh
16:43oh
16:44oh
16:46oh
16:47oh
16:48oh
16:49oh
16:50oh
16:51yes
16:53yes
16:54yes
16:55goodbye
17:02Dougal I noticed that the front door is wide open
17:05oh it is yes Ted
17:08yes we are currently sheepless
17:10oh
17:11are
17:13do I told you to keep the front door closed
17:15no just hold it there Ted
17:17head. Don't let him wander off. Keep an eye on him. And keep that frog. What's that? The beast. Come on.
17:33How do we know which way to go? Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals, instinctively travel north.
17:39Where it's colder, they won't be so stuffy. So we have to go north. Which way is north?
17:47I-I don't know. Quick!
17:55It seems to be coming from all around us. The Sioux Indians in the Arizona desert used to be able to pinpoint the exact location of Buffalo by gauging the position of the moon and putting their ears to the ground.
18:07Actually, Ted, maybe the sound is coming from that stereo.
18:17Ted, it's Chris!
18:26Is he alright?
18:28He's fine! He must have realised it was just a big stereo hanging from a tree.
18:33Let's bring him home, Dougal.
18:35I think I'm beginning to figure out what's been going on.
18:39What's been going on?
18:52Well, it's been an easy decision. There's one out-and-out winner. And rather than waste time with the speech, I'll get on with the job of announcing the winner who...
18:57Today has come first in this competition to see who the winner is in the King of the Sheep competition that we have all come to today.
19:18Wondering who, indeed, will it be who wins the prize of King of the Sheep?
19:28The winner of this year's King of the Sheep competition is...
19:33Sup!
19:35What is the meaning of this?
19:37Yes, this competition is a sham! And a fraud! And a sham!
19:44How dare you!
19:47There's been a deliberate and scarless attempt to sabotage this high-profile sheep competition.
19:53And those responsible are in this very room.
19:57Giant Reid and Hud Hastings!
19:59You'd better have something to back that up with, Father.
20:05Oh, I do. I do.
20:07You were the ones who constantly chatted of the so-called Beast of Craggy Island.
20:12Always within hearing distance of Chris the Sheep.
20:15Fargo. I was the champion.
20:20And it was you who used a copy of BBC Sound Effects Volume 5 to add weight to thus fanciful claim.
20:25An impressionable sheep could not help but be convinced by the late-night howlings of terrible monster type A.
20:32Is this true?
20:34Well, well, well.
20:37What a pretty picture Father Crilly has painted!
20:42How dare you bring shame on this celebration of sheep!
20:48Don't be too hard on them. Sorry, I don't know your name.
20:51Alan.
20:52Don't be too hard on them, Alan.
20:53They were simply pawns.
20:56A real villain in this piece has yet to be revealed.
21:00Fargo Boyle!
21:03What?
21:05Fuckin' hell!
21:07Yeah, that's nonsense!
21:09I'll just go now and take my trophy!
21:12It was you who was disappointed at the poor odds Chris was receiving.
21:15You who planned to manipulate those odds by sabotaging your own sheep.
21:18And then staging a miraculous recovery on the day of the competition.
21:23You who paid Giant and Hud to talk about the beast in front of Chris.
21:27Ah, Hud! Giant! Hello there!
21:30Ah!
21:32You didn't count on the vanity of your accomplices who used their newfound wealth to buy a fur coat!
21:38Ah!
21:40And a crown!
21:42Ah!
21:43And it was you who bought the BBC Sound Effects record, just before Father Dougal had a chance to...
21:50You!
21:52Who gave the sheep to me knowing that as a priest with an intuitive understanding of sheep, I could nurse him back to health.
21:57back to hell you you you Chris Chris it's not true it's not true no no don't
22:16look at me no he's lost the trust of his sheep that's punishment enough for a farmer who deals
22:31primarily with sheep excuse me there's a bit of a stench in here and I need some fresh air
22:46one thing Ted if Chris has been disqualified doesn't that mean you've lost the heating
22:51allowance money on the bet I know it's a radical step Dougal but it is very very cold see you in
23:14three months then Ted
23:44actually better go to the toilet first
23:52you
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