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00:00To be continued...
00:30doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo wah
00:46good evening mr. Cervantes
00:50in the first place mr. Cervantes I am not a senora
00:53and in the second place I would be much obliged if you would speak English in
00:57this school sorry and another thing mr. Chivantes there is no such word in the
01:02English language as sorry the correct terminology is it is all right or it's
01:08all right or even just all right do you understand sure I
01:17whatever is the matter I'm going to be sick I'm not here I hope my stomach she's
01:23down straight up I am going tonight after lessons hey amigo would you like a
01:37cigar no no thank you you are not yourself tonight of course he is
01:41himself who else could it be something is wrong she's right what is it one I am
01:51going to be sick holy ravioli you change your religion hey the folks not gonna
01:58like that I don't tell me you like a brother but first you must be wearing the
02:04turban now what's the matter you're all crazy I
02:07have sick in my stomach but no but no I am going to see if I have fever in Japan
02:15we take home temperature from different place I am not to want to know where you
02:24be put to moment and what he's a say he's not the feeling very well really what's
02:43wrong sorry what you say he says I stop asking the stupid questions he's got a
02:51thermometer in his mouth have you got a temperature
02:54you're looking at the wrong end ah sorry what is it 98.4
03:17that's normal hey maybe at the moment that's not working yes it is and up to
03:25now it's the only thing that's working in this classroom I sit down now you've all
03:33failed your lower Cambridge certificate examination once and I don't want a
03:36repetition of that at the end of this term so tonight I'm going to ask each of
03:39you to pick one of the ten subjects I have written on the blackboard and then I
03:43shall ask you questions on very straight forward music British history the royal
03:46family poetry Shakespeare etc all right now who is going to start the ball
03:50running we are not having a ball to be rolling anywhere
03:55all right Ali just for that you can start now which subject do you pick oh blimey
04:02television television right who is known as the father of television
04:07Eamon Andrews Logie Baird oh blimey I'm seeing him last night with his little
04:15friend boo boo that's Yogi bear I'm talking about Logie Baird the man who
04:22invented television sorry please how much is a television license I'm not
04:27knowing I never buy one I hope you realize you can get into serious trouble for
04:33not having a license please tell me something their money for licenses for
04:37BBC yes yes then I'm jolly okay I only watch ITV it doesn't work that way
04:44Ali you still need a license now I know which subject would you like it's the
04:48royal family royal family right who is the Prince of Wales Harry Seacombe Prince
04:59Charles yeah which recent King of England was never crowned
05:05edford true go finca good max pick a subject a British politics which is
05:14politics right what where does the term Gladstone bag come from mrs. Gladstone
05:23Gladstone bag is the name given to a bag made popular by one of our Prime
05:31Ministers William Ewart Gladstone sorry boss I'll ask you another what function
05:38does the mace have in the House of Commons they have the mace yes to eat the
05:46cheese that's mice maybe I pick another subject maybe you just sit down okay
05:56Daniel let's see which subject you prefer I prefer the subject of love yes I'm sure
06:05you do but that is not written on the board so would you please pick one that
06:08is written down okay Shakespeare Shakespeare right who was Shakespeare's
06:14wife mrs. Shakespeare very clever but what was her maiden name I do not know
06:22Anne Hathaway can you name three of the plays Shakespeare wrote Romeo is you yet
06:29would as you like it one more I do not know anymore I'll give you a clue King Kong
06:38Leah tarot awesome which subject do you choose poetry poetry right who wrote upon Westminster
06:55bridge not know but her since funny play to write it's a poem by Wordsworth I'll ask you
07:05another who wrote to a field mouse sounds like a man who is crazy in a handle by Robert Burns
07:15over 200 years ago Jamila pick a subject the Bible the Bible right who was Samson Victor mature I beg your
07:31pardon he was being telly last week in film never mind the film who was he historically ah he was man who
07:41was be very strong one night he is be fancy a bit of hanky-panky with so he is be hanky-panky and she is be ask him how he is be very strong and he is be tell her it is in his long hair so one night when he is be fast asleep
07:59she is be give him shorty back and sides and when he is wake he is be take prisoner and blinded but when his hair is be grow long again he is be pull down palace
08:16pull down palace
08:18is that the authorised version
08:20it is what NBC on telly
08:22thank you Jamila
08:24Giovanni
08:25si professori
08:26would you pick a subject please
08:28a music
08:29right music
08:30right music
08:31give me something from the Pirates of Penzance
08:35I never heard of them
08:37are they a punk or a rock group
08:40the Pirates of Penzance is one of the Savoy operas by Gilbert and Sullivan
08:45oh I really like him
08:48through
08:49Gilbert O'Sullivan
08:51oh okay
08:52any more
08:53yes
08:54what can you tell me about Handel's Largo
08:58not much
08:59I never drink the stuff
09:03your lack of general knowledge is no laughing matter
09:08Ranjit it's your turn pick a subject
09:10the British is less
09:17I always
09:23right
09:25what is the capital of England
09:28E
09:29I'll rephrase that
09:35what is the capital city of England
09:39London
09:40correct
09:41can you name three English counties
09:43oh dear me
09:45I am not knowing any English counties
09:48not one
09:49no
09:50the only county I am knowing
09:52is the county of Monte Cristo
09:57that's count
09:58thousand apologies
10:00thank you
10:01Suli your subject please
10:03only two left
10:04British history
10:06right
10:07who was known as the black prince
10:10Mohammed
10:11Ahri
10:14why
10:15Edward the son of Edward the third
10:17very Suli
10:18who invented the cotton spinning machine
10:20Chang Hoi Fang
10:23wrong
10:24Sir Richard Arkwright
10:25your Richard Arkwright copy invention from Hoi Fang
10:28does it all the Western imperialists steal invention from Chinese scientists
10:31China first to invent telephone, television, radio, refrigerators and discover penicillin, radium and lots of other things
10:38rubbish
10:39no
10:40China not invent rubbish
10:41some of them just talk it
10:44some of them just talk it
10:45one
10:46si senor
10:47I pick subject
10:48there's only one left
10:50it's Hobson's choice
10:51no Hobson's choice
10:53British custom
10:54that's what I meant
10:56do you know anything about British custom
10:57plenty
10:58oh good
10:59first you have green or red
11:02green or red what?
11:03British custom
11:04you have something to declare
11:07you go on the red
11:08nothing to declare
11:09green
11:10nothing to declare
11:11green
11:12no um
11:13si I know
11:14no the question is not about those sort of customs
11:17it means the things that we British do
11:19that are peculiar to us
11:20ah
11:21speak English
11:22a little more than that one
11:24look I'll give you an example
11:25November the 5th Guy Fawkes Day is something we celebrate only in Britain
11:29ah
11:30any more?
11:31there's afternoon tea
11:34cricket
11:35the boat race
11:36good good
11:37any more?
11:38Bob a job week
11:39Chelsea
11:40look I'm supposed to be asking you for something
11:42ha ha
11:43so am I
11:44ha ha
11:45ha ha
11:46ha ha ha
11:47terrible pain in my stomach
11:48oh
11:49right
11:50Suley would you nip down or not
11:51I'm sorry
11:52would you run along and ask her
11:53Mrs. Foster to come and have a look at one
11:54is that terrible?
11:55terrible pain
11:56yeah well lie on the table
11:57it might be
11:58oh
11:59oh blimey
12:00he's not looking very well
12:02I'm dying
12:03I'm sorry
12:04don't be so pessimistic
12:05eh
12:06professor is right
12:07you're gonna be okey-cokey
12:08where is the patient?
12:12oh
12:13Mrs. Foster
12:14where does it hurt?
12:15eh
12:16stomach
12:17stomach
12:18ah
12:19better get him to the hospital
12:21I think that this man has appendicitis
12:24are you sure?
12:25Mr. Brown
12:26I was a senior sister for several years
12:28if this man is not attended to very quickly it could prove fatal
12:32any sign of Mr. Brown yet
12:39any sign of Mr. Brown yet?
12:40very pardon?
12:41Mr. Brown
12:42oh Mr. Brown
12:43oh no he's not back yet
12:44this is most inconvenient
12:45I don't know why he had to go to the hospital with Mr. Cervantes
12:49of course somebody had to go with him
12:55I come back
12:57don't tell me they've taken your appendix out already
13:00eh
13:01not half operation
13:02not necessarily
13:03oh so you didn't have appendicitis after all?
13:05no
13:06pain was caused by abundante tortilla
13:09well that sounds serious
13:10what is it?
13:11eh
13:12too much eating
13:14pardon, pardon
13:15and where is Mr. Brown?
13:16he no come back
13:17what do you mean he no come back?
13:18eh
13:19when we leave hospital
13:20we come down the step
13:22and Mr. Brown
13:23he missed just one step
13:25and he break his leg
13:28how could he possibly break his leg if he only missed one step?
13:32stepped he missed
13:34top step
13:39there you are nurse
13:57how's everything going?
13:58very well sister
13:59good
14:00did you remember to give Mr. Parker his blanket bath?
14:03I gave them all a blanket bath
14:05all?
14:06have I done something wrong?
14:08blanket baths are for those patients who cannot bath themselves
14:12they all seem to enjoy it
14:13especially Mr. Brown
14:15it was lovely
14:17I'm sure it was
14:19as you think you've set him back at least a couple of weeks
14:21I was only doing my best
14:23well in future kindly remember that you are a student nuss
14:26not a geisha girl
14:28sorry sister
14:30oh by the way
14:31Mr. Jones is back from surgery
14:33we have three Mr. Jones in this ward
14:36what?
14:37what is his initial?
14:38uh
14:39Jones W
14:40good
14:41I'll go and have a look at him
14:43is there anything you fancy?
14:47yeah but I don't think sister would approve
14:49oh cheeky
14:51do you want a bottle?
14:52oh I couldn't have a light ale could I?
14:54not that I want a bottle
14:55ah no thanks
14:57not until I've had the light ale anyway
14:58you're not getting it
15:00I know but it's worth a try
15:02oh do you know when I'll be discharged?
15:05probably tomorrow
15:06oh thank goodness for that
15:07I can't wait to get back to my students
15:09oh shudder to think what they're doing without me
15:19come along now settle down
15:21now I intend to find out how you're coming along with your English
15:27we are learning very much the well English
15:30that's right
15:31I speak the English so good nobody knows that I'm Italian
15:36I find that very hard to believe
15:38you see even you don't know
15:42silence
15:44now I am going to ask you some general questions on everyday topics
15:47first of all can anyone tell me what the first day of the week is?
15:53sunny day
15:54no it is not sunny day
15:56rainy day?
15:59Sunday
16:01repeat it please
16:03it please
16:05repeat the word Sunday
16:09Sunday
16:11Mr Nadim
16:13name me two seasons
16:15salt and pepper
16:18those are seasonings
16:21now give me the names of two of the seasons of the year
16:24oh dearie me
16:26anybody?
16:27springtime
16:29springtime
16:31springtime
16:33now Mr Nadim
16:35what comes after springtime?
16:37holidaytime
16:39summertime
16:41jelly good
16:43Mr Sivantes
16:44what do the letters AC mean?
16:47por favor
16:49what does AC mean?
16:51four
16:53AC has nothing to do with four
16:54sure
16:56AC spade, AC hat, AC time and AC
17:02AC means alternating current
17:04DC is direct current
17:05okay
17:06Mr Nagazumi
17:07ah, so?
17:08what would it signify if I said you were a dog in the manger?
17:09would seem
17:10you're crazy in the head
17:12you're crazy in the head
17:13yes, Miss Courtney
17:15yes, Miss Courtney
17:16I don't suppose you can give me the name of any other sort of current
17:17sure
17:19black current
17:20I don't think I am
17:21yeah
17:22I don't know
17:24but I am
17:26the only one
17:27is the same
17:28a
17:29city
17:30AC is alternating current
17:32DC is direct current
17:34okay
17:36Mr Nagazumi
17:37ah, so?
17:39what would it signify if I said you were a dog in the manger?
17:41beg your pardon i am manu not doggo you are also rather stupid
17:51miss schwett yeah you are on a train going to glasgow why am i going to glasgow doesn't matter
17:58why you want to sleep on the train what would you ask for a bed
18:06you would have a birth in the sleeping car nine
18:11how can i have a birth when i'm not pregnant
18:17are you serious why i save myself for when i meet mr wright
18:23for your information miss schmidt a birth b e r t h is the name given to a bed on a ship or a train
18:31in shuldigung you must think i'm very stupid that is the most sensible remark i have heard in this
18:37classroom so far when was there five women was a courtney where is st paul's suppose what
18:47st paul's cathedral i do not know it's somewhere in london i think it is near ludgate circus have you
18:54ever been to ludgate circus no but i have been to billy smart circus
19:00you're absolutely hopeless doesn't anybody know anything yes please
19:05i am knowing lots of things are you absolutely do you know what a philistine is most certainly
19:12it is medicine that is fortifying the over 40s
19:18it is nothing of the sort thousand apologies you are all philistines oh no i am pakistan
19:26go to tea
19:39hey giovanni you get me a cup of tea and i go on phone hospital to see how is mr brown hokey cokey
19:46all right
20:02men's orthopedic ward sister king
20:07hello would you please tell me how is mr brown
20:10mr brown could i have the christian name please sure juan
20:19juan is he spanish no no no no no i am spanish
20:27juan is spanish for john isn't it si senora will you hold on a moment please brown john
20:41are you a relative no no just a friend
20:46well i'm afraid i have some rather bad news for you you mean mr brown is worst
20:53he had a heart attack during the night
20:55good morning sydney good morning miss colney it's very sad about mr brown isn't it
21:19terrible i thought you might have gone to the funeral this morning no
21:25i've got far too upset i know what you mean it's so tragic
21:31taken so young it's terrible
21:33good morning
21:45good morning
21:46good morning mr brown
21:48what is going on
22:03nobody told me about it it did do with it
22:11what he's like a Spanish fellow he found up the hospital they said it was brown bread bread
22:20dead well I can assure you I am very much alive then whose funeral have the students gone to
22:41I heard it as well
22:54it's the bus yes praise be to Allah terrible glad you're not that thank you well I expect it's
23:21another mr. Brown we must be making big celebration yeah baby not go to the pub like oh yeah yeah
23:28I'll second that hey I push you hey no I push a profit so I'm I'm pushing you I'm pushing
23:41why don't worry I can't stop
23:51when I started go away yeah you don't mean that you want to bet yeah we bring you some flowers oh
24:16Juan you shouldn't have spent money on flowers for me I not spend money we already bought them for your
24:22funeral
24:23your
24:30buddy
24:30so
24:33you
24:34so