00:00Is your love life a dating wasteland? And now you're asking yourself, am I too ugly to date?
00:04There are a lot of different reasons why a guy might have trouble in his dating life. And
00:07appearance definitely does have an effect. But let's look at some of the other reasons why you
00:12might be having some troubles in your dating life, including possibly being too ugly. I'm
00:16Eddie Baller, and I'm a dating coach and the owner of conquering1.com. And I've been coaching
00:19men since 2011 to build their confidence and meet the kind of women they want. And I know it works
00:23from thousands of personal experiences, as well as watching my clients infield, regardless of
00:28their height, age, race, looks, or financial status. So let's jump into it.
00:36Some reasons you may not be getting dates besides being ugly. Now most of the items on this list
00:41are related, and there may be a lot of crossovers. So I might be repeating myself sometimes, but
00:45that's just because these things all are connected. Number one, social skills. Social skills are the
00:50way we connect with other people. It's the way you talk to them, it's the way you look at them,
00:54the way you use your voice, your body language, how you relate to them, how you get them to open
00:58up about themselves, how you open up about yourself, how vulnerable you are. A whole bunch
01:03of different things go into social skills. And if your social skills are not up to par,
01:07that's going to have a major effect on your dating life, as well as friendships and other
01:10relationships. I asked a client one time to just go get a glass of water from a couple of cute
01:14baristas at this coffee shop. And when he walked up to the baristas and he asked for a glass of water,
01:18his voice was quiet. And this is in a very loud cafe. He was looking down,
01:21not making strong eye contact and no smile, of course, no enthusiasm at all. And the girls
01:27basically mirrored his approach, they mirrored the way he was asking. And so his results in this
01:32situation were pretty obvious. It was obvious why the girls were not giving him a smile or anything
01:37else positive because he wasn't giving it to them first. And I went up there right after and I did
01:41the opposite of him. I smiled, I spoke with a loud voice, I had enthusiasm, and I tried chatting with
01:46these girls and they giggled, they smiled, they made strong eye contact. Everything was completely
01:50different. It was just the way I talked to them. Number two, experience. If you feel ugly or you
01:54feel down in any other way, you're probably not going to have a lot of experience talking to girls.
01:58And I know a lot of guys will discount other factors in dating and they go straight to looks
02:03and it's all about the looks. But if you don't have very much experience, how could you know how to
02:08maneuver the dating world? How can you know how to talk to girls if you're not talking to a lot of
02:12them and trying to date a lot of them? And this relates to social skills, obviously, because it's going
02:16to build your social skills. The more you talk to people, the more you talk to girls,
02:19you're going to learn how to talk to them properly in a way that makes a connection.
02:22Number three is confidence. Confidence basically equals competence. That's not the only factor,
02:27but competence is a major factor in confidence because if you know how to do something,
02:33you're not going to worry about how to do it because you know how to do it. And you're just
02:37going to go and do it. You're going to get effective results because of the fact that you know how to
02:40do it. And confidence is very attractive to women. If you can have confidence, they will react
02:45positively to you. And of course, you're not going to get that without the experience.
02:49And you're not going to get the social skills without the experience either. So this is all
02:53a chain. And no talking to a few girls or a handful of girls doesn't count, right? That's very little
02:59experience. You have to talk to a lot more girls to actually learn how to do it properly and to build
03:03your confidence doing it. Number four is trying to please everyone. This pleasing behavior, this passive
03:08kind of behavior is very unattractive to women. If you're trying to please everyone, you're probably
03:13going to please no one, right? Basically, you're not going to act like a man. You're not going to be
03:16assertive and you're not going to look out for your own interests first. And you might even put
03:20on an act, which is also very unattractive to women. Number five is acting like a servant. If
03:24you're the guy who puts together her furniture, drives her around, buys her dinners, and then she
03:28tells you what a great friend you are, the results should be obvious. When you're acting like a servant,
03:33when you're not acting like a man and going after what you want, which is not to be her servant,
03:37it's very unlikely she's going to have dating attraction for you. And far too often, I find that guys will
03:42hang around for a long time with a girl and I do these kinds of things. And in fact, I've done it too.
03:46And it really sucks because, you know, you end up in no, you know, I was going to say no man's land,
03:50but actually it's no woman's land because you're not going to get any dates that way. You're not going to get
03:54a girl attracted to you by acting like her servant. So those are some non-looks related
03:58things that may be affecting your dating life. But let's jump into the looks part too, because it does matter.
04:02How to know if I'm too ugly to date. If you have all of the above bases covered and you're
04:06really good at all those above factors, then you might be too ugly to date. And it's not just
04:10about appearance. Being ugly is about feeling ugly, right? If you feel ugly, like I'm a really
04:15unattractive guy, that's not going to give you a lot of confidence, is it? So it probably means
04:18number three is out. And actually it probably means almost the entire list is out because if
04:22everything is based on your looks and you're basing everything about your dating life on your
04:26looks, you're not going to have confidence. You're not going to go and try to get the experience.
04:30So you're not going to develop the social skills. And so everything's going to kind of fall apart.
04:34And so you've got to really deal with the looks first and then, you know, move on from there.
04:39Or maybe you're just not keeping up your appearance the way you could. And you could
04:41actually be a lot more attractive with your current genetics and the way you are right
04:45now without getting plastic surgery or anything crazy. So with some exceptions, you can change
04:49your looks dramatically without doing anything particularly dramatic, right? If you have a
04:53crooked nose, I mean, that's not going to change because you change your clothes, but you're still
04:57going to be more attractive and you're going to be more attractive. You get fitter. So that's going
05:00to be affected by the way you eat and your exercise. And keep in mind, you don't have to look
05:05perfect. Nobody looks perfect. Very few guys who are so attractive. The women are just
05:09throwing themselves at them. Most of us, even a guy might be considered attractive, still
05:13has to work for it. Still has to do stuff. Still has to go talk to girls and build up their
05:16confidence and learn how to talk to them. So yes, looks do affect dating. But even more
05:21so is the way you think about your looks. That's going to affect your dating even more. So you
05:25could actually kill two birds with one stone and make yourself more attractive physically.
05:30So women will react to that because they see you and they see you being more attractive.
05:34And you could also make yourself feel better, which will make yourself more confident.
05:39And that's also going to attract women. So there's going to be multiple factors here
05:41if you can fix this idea about being ugly. So if you feel ugly, it's time to upgrade.
05:46Go check out the link in the description or the comment section below for my blog post
05:49on how to get a girlfriend if you're ugly. And until next time, conquer and win.
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