- 8 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes on anew, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:44I thought last night's show was definitely substandard.
00:48I quite agree, sir. What did you think, Sergeant Major?
00:50Sloppy, sir. The whole thing is falling to pieces.
00:53The brigadier was quite scathing.
00:54Well, when they dressed up as dancehall girls and saying ten cents a dance,
00:59he turned to me and said, I wouldn't dance with them for nothing.
01:03Sir, I put him on a charge, sir, for overcharging.
01:05No.
01:07You can't do that, Sergeant Major. Get him on parade.
01:09Captain Ashford will give them a good dressing down.
01:12Please, sir.
01:12Yes, jolly, we'll tear him off a strip.
01:15Very good, sir.
01:17Right, lovely boys, let's have your parade.
01:19Would it be better if you gave him a good telling off, sir?
01:21No, no, you're very good at that sort of thing.
01:23You can be very sarcastic and quick-witted.
01:27What about that time when that toffee-nosed little pilot officer
01:29made a remark about those spindle legs of yours
01:31sticking out from under your shorts?
01:34Quick as a flash, you said.
01:35Why don't you take off, bro-cream boy?
01:38Tender ice!
01:41Tender ice!
01:41Tender ice!
01:42Get a grip.
01:45The men are on parade, sir.
01:46Thank you, sir.
01:47I've made a stand with ease, sir.
01:48Tender ice!
01:51Right off, you go.
01:52Tear him to shreds.
01:53Yes, sir.
01:55Now, look here, you lot.
01:58Colonel and I are very cross with you.
02:01You're all rotten.
02:02And what's more, you...
02:05You...
02:06What Captain Ashwood is trying to say
02:09is that the show is sloppy
02:11and you are an idle bunch
02:13of unfunny, ugly, useless, thick twits of Mormons.
02:19Is that right, sir?
02:20Quite right, sir.
02:21Well done, Ashwood.
02:25The only one I feel sorry for is going to park him.
02:28He stood out on that stage
02:29like a little diamond in a manure heap.
02:31I wouldn't go so far as to say that, Sergeant Major.
02:35Did you hear that, sir?
02:36Not only talented, but modest with it.
02:39Sure is like a lovely boy, sure.
02:40All right, all right, all right, Sergeant Major.
02:42The fact is, the show isn't good enough.
02:44Now, look, I've made some notes here.
02:46We'll go through the whole show piece by piece.
02:48Now, the opening chorus.
02:50Now, when you do this, uh, this step here,
02:53are you putting your hand up
02:54as though you wanted to go somewhere?
02:57I was trying to attract Gunner Graham's attention
02:59on the piano.
03:00No, he was playing the wrong tempo.
03:02It was a dirge.
03:04Like a funeral march.
03:06What have you got to say to that, Graham?
03:07I had played precisely that tempo for 500 performances.
03:10It hasn't varied one iota.
03:12It did last night.
03:13Blavish.
03:14You've got tin ears, anyway.
03:16If I'd got tin ears, you've got lead fingers.
03:19Gunner McIntosh's strong man act.
03:21Now, the part where you tear that television directory in half
03:23fell very flat.
03:25He doesn't grunt and groan enough.
03:26You see, the audience hardly capped at all.
03:28Ah, grunt and groan, all right.
03:30It's Gunner Graham.
03:31He's supposed to give me a ta-da, and he did, isn't he?
03:35I mean, if I don't get a ta-da, I don't get any applause.
03:39Well, it's me again, is it?
03:40I suppose the fact that they can all see where you've made a two-inch cut with a hacksaw,
03:44so that the four-year-old infant could tear it in half, is neither here nor there.
03:49I'll only make a tiny neck.
03:51Right, next, we go on to your sailor, Gunner, Gunner, Sugden.
03:56Now, something went very much amiss during the singing from the student prince.
04:00Overhead, the moon is beaming.
04:02Light as blossom on the bow.
04:04Well, it was him.
04:05He won't follow me.
04:06I'd only got as far as the moon is beaming, and he'd got the blossom on the bow.
04:10Yeah, you must follow him.
04:11You see, I'm supposed to be a gay debonair young prince who's a student at Heidelberg University.
04:18I have to hurry it up and slow it down as the moon takes me.
04:22I do find it a little hard to convince myself that Gunner Sugden is a gay debonair young prince from Heidelberg University.
04:28More like the caretaker from the Tonopandi Polytechnic.
04:33The fact is it's all Graham's fault, because he won't follow me.
04:36Well, as the Americans would put it, I seem to be the fall guy who's taking the rap for a load of bums.
04:41It serves your right for being a wise guy.
04:44Well done, Ashford.
04:45You've done it again.
04:47Now, look, if you haven't heard the last of this, Captain Ashford and I and the Sergeant Major are going to think about it all.
04:53And when we thought about it all, we're definitely going to do something, aren't we?
04:56Definitely, sir.
04:57Right.
04:58Carry on, Sergeant Major.
05:00Consign!
05:01It's vice!
05:02Move yourselves!
05:03Well, thank you all very much for your support.
05:09It's nice to know who your friends are.
05:11What do you think's wrong with Gunner Graham, Sergeant Major?
05:13Nothing I couldn't put right with a good kick up the backside, sir.
05:16Perhaps we'd better have an informal chat with him.
05:18Send him over, would you, please?
05:19Sir.
05:19Go, Graham!
05:20Over here, I'll get up and move yourself.
05:21Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
05:22Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
05:23Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
05:24That timer!
05:25Halt!
05:26Salute!
05:27Now the Colonel wishes to have a chat with you informally, right?
05:29Four nights!
05:30Thank you, Sergeant Major.
05:33Do sit down.
05:34Sure.
05:35Sure.
05:40Do you care for a cigarette?
05:41No, I don't smoke, thank you, sir.
05:42I'm afraid I can't offer you a drink.
05:44No, I realise it's hard to get.
05:45No, it's not there.
05:46It's just that you're a Gunner and we're opposites.
05:51Now, look here, Gunner Graham.
05:52What is wrong with you?
05:54Have you got trouble at end?
05:55No, sir.
05:56None at all.
05:56Well, there must be something wrong.
05:58You seem to have lost all interest in the show.
06:00Well, sir, I'll be frank with you.
06:02You're a man of some culture and taste.
06:04And you are too, Captain Ashwood.
06:06And you, you, you see, sir, it's like this.
06:12How would you feel if your one ambition in life
06:15was to be a serious classical pianist
06:17and you had to sit there night after night
06:20at a terrible piano playing Happy Days Are Here Again?
06:23Yes, my God, I do see you.
06:25It must be pure torture, mustn't it, Sergeant Major?
06:28Sheer purgatory, sir.
06:29I thought you had a degree in English literature.
06:33Oh, that was just a sock to Mummy and Daddy.
06:36You see, I have...
06:37I have this old aunt, Lucinda Bavistock Graham.
06:42She's the Dorset side of the family.
06:44She knew what I really wanted to do,
06:46so she paid for my musical education entirely.
06:49On my 21st birthday, she took me to Harrods
06:52and bought me a Bechstein.
06:54How marvellous.
06:55Do you hear that, Sergeant Major?
06:56She bought him a Bechstein.
06:58Very nice, sir.
07:00How much does it do to the gallon?
07:01Are you going back to that when all this is over?
07:10Oh, yes, sir, definitely.
07:11It takes years of practice, will you?
07:13Yes, I do realise that.
07:14But Aunty says she'll sponsor me.
07:17And if anything should happen to her,
07:19well, she's made me her sole heir.
07:20Well, we do realise things are hard for you,
07:25but they're hard for us all.
07:27I mean, war's a damn boring business,
07:29and we've just got to sold you off.
07:31Now, you're going to do your best, aren't you?
07:34Yes, of course.
07:34Good, there's a good chap.
07:35Well, if you go.
07:3690 feet!
07:38Absolute!
07:39About time!
07:40Don't wait and watch me, sir!
07:41No, no, no, no, no, no!
07:46Anyway, I tell you,
07:47there must be a very good reason for it all.
07:49Like I said, sir,
07:50nothing wrong with him,
07:51I couldn't put right with a good kick up the hour backside.
07:54My heart tells me this is just a fling.
08:00Doesn't Padarooski want any supper?
08:02No.
08:03He's lying under his mozzie net reading War and Peace.
08:06He says we're a bunch of ungrateful morons.
08:09Well, let him sulk.
08:10It was his fault the show was lousy.
08:12Course it was.
08:13Fancy him calling us ungrateful morons.
08:16What right's he got to look down on us
08:18just because he's been to university
08:19and we ain't.
08:21I reckon it's the wrong people
08:22what's getting the education.
08:24Yeah, you're right there, Parky.
08:26Now, if I'd been to Cambridge
08:27and done a lot of learning,
08:29I'd be humbled about it.
08:32Where you been, me?
08:33I mean,
08:33I've been dying for a couple of chow all afternoon.
08:36I've been to Head Q
08:37to get my new chow all a permit.
08:39Medical officer inspected my charn
08:41and I'm happy to tell you
08:43there are no buggies.
08:45Inspector Hot Water killed him.
08:48Sorry, Mr. Fisher Command newspaper.
08:50Also, time for Colonel's up.
08:51I'll give it in.
08:56I see the Japs are on their last legs.
08:59They were saying that months ago
09:00when I was up the jungle.
09:01Ten minutes later,
09:02we were all running for our lives
09:03because we were surrounded by them.
09:05But they can't hold out much longer.
09:07I mean, we've got the whole world on our side.
09:10I can't wait to get back to Civvy Street.
09:12Tin Pan Alley,
09:14Charing Cross Road,
09:15the Lights of London.
09:16Yeah, they've turned them on already,
09:18you know, lucky devils.
09:20I'll soon be working in a real-life theatre
09:22with a real-live orchestra.
09:24What makes you think
09:25you'll get a real-live audience?
09:28Half of them walked out last night
09:30and it was free.
09:32It's a downright lie.
09:33No, it's not.
09:34Two of them asked for their money back there
09:36and they paid in the first place.
09:40I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
09:42I'm going to apply for an ex-serviceman's grant
09:44to study singing at the Scala Milan.
09:47You don't speak Italian, hmm?
09:49He's not that hot in English.
09:51What parts can you play in opera?
09:54I could play Don Jose in Carmen.
09:57Gilly plays it.
09:58He's not much bigger than I am.
10:00It's all about a tart who has a job in a fag factory.
10:04I play a corporal in the army
10:05who's besotted with her
10:06and she throws me over
10:07and has it off with an officer.
10:11Typical.
10:13If they give grants for studying,
10:15I reckon they should give grants
10:16for starting a business.
10:18What sort of business would you start, then?
10:20Look, I reckon after the war
10:22people are going to need roads
10:23and my plan is to build a huge road
10:26three lanes wide
10:27so that folks can travel
10:28from London to Scotland
10:29without stopping.
10:31People have got to stop.
10:33What are they going to do about grub?
10:35I'd build special cafes.
10:37And what about petrol?
10:39They'd sell petrol as well.
10:40Oh, that's novel.
10:42Cafes that sell petrol.
10:45Excuse me, sir.
10:46Would you mind if I sit in your light
10:48to read the paper?
10:49My hurricane lamp is rather inadequate.
10:50Hmm.
10:51Certainly.
10:52I'm afraid there's not much in it.
10:55What's in the time, sir?
10:57We won the war in Europe.
10:59It's about ten weeks old.
11:02Memorial service for Lloyd George.
11:03Oh, wonderful Welshman Lloyd George, sir.
11:08He knew my father.
11:12Who else is dead?
11:13Oh, a couple of cannons.
11:16A judge, a professor.
11:18A few in the small print.
11:20I say, what's this?
11:22Lady Lucinda Bavastock Graham,
11:2591, of Graham Hall in Dorset.
11:28Widow of Sir Adrian Bavastock Graham Bart.
11:31That must be Graham's, aren't he?
11:33Unless there are two Lady Lucinda Bavastock Grahams
11:35in Dorset.
11:36Oh, don't say.
11:37I wonder why he never mentioned it.
11:40Well, perhaps he don't know, sir.
11:42I'm sure he'd have said.
11:43After all, she's the one
11:44who's going to leave him all her money.
11:46Probably I'd have known a letter, sir.
11:47I mean, the mail is very erotic.
11:51The same thing you're telling.
11:52No, no, no.
11:53Hang on a minute.
11:53We're dealing with a man
11:54who's very highly struttened
11:56and who's got a lot of pressure
11:57from his friends
11:58because he's such a rotten pianist.
12:00Obviously, he's very fond of the old woman.
12:02If I go up and say
12:03I'm afraid she's kicked the bucket,
12:05it might be a terrible shock to him.
12:07Sooner or later,
12:07he'll get a letter from his parents
12:08putting the whole thing
12:09in a sympathetic and loving sort of way.
12:12Not only that, sir.
12:13He gives himself enough airs
12:14and graces as it is.
12:16If he suddenly finds out
12:17he's come into a fortune,
12:18he'll become positively paragoric.
12:22Paranoid.
12:24That's well, sir.
12:27On balance,
12:28I think we'll leave things as they are.
12:34Yes, well, I think I'll turn in now, sir.
12:38It's a bit early, isn't it?
12:39Well, well, not really, sir.
12:40I have not done my snake search.
12:47I see, sir.
12:48I didn't like to mention it
12:50in front of the Sergeant Major,
12:51but I thought your reason
12:52for keeping the news
12:53from Gunner Graham
12:54was pretty thin.
12:55Well, we've been pretty rotten to Graham.
12:58Now, look,
12:59I've got this marvellous idea
13:01of making money after the war,
13:03but I need capital.
13:05Now, look,
13:05if I go and say,
13:06I'm afraid auntie's died
13:08and left you a fortune,
13:09could you let me have 10,000 pounds,
13:11it might sound a bit odd.
13:12What is this marvellous idea, sir?
13:17Television.
13:18Just before the war,
13:19I went to the radio show at Olympia
13:20and I saw this television set.
13:22They were showing a tennis match.
13:24You couldn't see the balls,
13:25but it was marvellous.
13:27That, I said to myself,
13:29is the future.
13:30What, tennis without balls?
13:39Television!
13:39Well, they've stopped it.
13:42Well, they'll start up again after war.
13:43Sooner or later,
13:44they'll be one in every home.
13:45Oh, no, no, definitely not.
13:47I mean,
13:48sets cost hundreds and hundreds.
13:49Yes, well,
13:50I'll buy a lot of them
13:51and get them cheaper.
13:52Then I can rent them out
13:53for, say,
13:5410 bob a week.
13:55Oh, no.
13:56I think it's a rotten idea.
13:58I mean,
13:58the British public
13:59like to get out and about.
14:01They don't want to sit indoors
14:01with the blinds drawn
14:03crouching over a television set.
14:06No, no,
14:07I wouldn't put tons in it.
14:08My idea's much better.
14:09Oh, really?
14:10What is it?
14:11Washing machines.
14:14That's just as expensive
14:15as my television sets.
14:16Ah,
14:17but I'm not going to put
14:17one in every home.
14:18I'll take a shop
14:19and put a dozen machines in it,
14:21you see?
14:21Then people can come along,
14:23pay me a shilling
14:23and do their washing.
14:25I'll start with one shop
14:26and then I'll have a chain
14:27of them all over the country.
14:29I shall call them, er,
14:30launderdromes.
14:31You're way off target there.
14:36The British public
14:36would never stand for it.
14:37You know how reserved they are.
14:39They'd never let other people
14:40see their dirty washing.
14:43You can't expect
14:44an educated man like Graham
14:45to put his money
14:46into a harebrained scheme
14:47like that,
14:48especially if we call it
14:49a launderdrome.
14:50How about, er,
14:52laundriettes?
14:54That's even worse.
14:56Come on,
14:56let's do the snake search
14:57and we'll go to bed.
14:59What do you say?
15:01Let's be buddies.
15:04Hello, boy.
15:07Oh,
15:08hello, Sergeant Major.
15:09Can't you sleep?
15:11No, no,
15:11I just come out
15:12and see how he was,
15:12that's all.
15:13I'll look after my boys,
15:14you know.
15:16That's very nice of you.
15:18Just as I shout
15:19a bit now and then,
15:19don't mean to say
15:20I don't care about you,
15:21all, you know.
15:22No, no,
15:23of course not.
15:26Stuck out here
15:27in the jungle
15:28must seem
15:28a funny old life
15:29for an Oxford and Cambridge
15:30educated genius
15:31of a pianist like you.
15:35You're still,
15:36the war will soon be over
15:38and you'll be back
15:39in Sivy Street
15:40playing Beethoven,
15:43chopping,
15:45Herbert.
15:45Yes, sir.
15:49Well, let's hope so.
15:52You know,
15:53the good Lord's been kind
15:55to you and he,
15:56giving you all them gifts,
15:58a brilliant brain,
16:01wonderful musical talent,
16:03beautiful speaking voice
16:04like Al Barley Dell.
16:05You're not bad looking either.
16:15How, er,
16:17how long will you have to study
16:18then to become
16:18a famous classical pianist like?
16:20Who knows?
16:21It's difficult to say.
16:22I'd probably have to
16:23practice six or eight hours
16:25a day for five years.
16:26Hmm.
16:28But you were life's all
16:29mapped out, innit?
16:30As for me,
16:33as soon as the war's over,
16:35I'll be retired.
16:38The scrap heap for me.
16:40Oh, come, come,
16:41Sergeant Major,
16:42there must be
16:42some sort of job
16:44that you could do
16:44somewhere.
16:46What about a
16:47commissionaire
16:48outside a cinema,
16:49for instance?
16:50Oh, I don't mean
16:52just an ordinary
16:52little flea pit
16:53of a cinema.
16:54I mean,
16:55with your ability,
16:56it could be
16:57the Odeon,
16:58Leicester Square.
16:58Well,
17:02I do have an idea,
17:04and it's this.
17:06I want to get
17:06a few chaps round me,
17:08a bit like the, you know,
17:08warrant officers,
17:09sergeants,
17:10who can handle
17:10themselves in a scrap,
17:12put them in a smart uniform,
17:14and we can go round
17:15protecting things.
17:18Protecting what
17:19sort of things?
17:20Well,
17:21money.
17:22We could collect
17:23wages from the bank.
17:25Anybody tries any
17:25robberies or
17:26strong-arm stuff,
17:27we duff them up.
17:28That's not a bad idea.
17:33We
17:33shall call the firm
17:35security troops.
17:39Not bad.
17:41Well, of course,
17:42that sort of thing
17:43takes a lot of money
17:44to start up,
17:45and I haven't gotten it.
17:48Still,
17:49one day.
17:50Who knows?
17:55I'm glad you like the idea.
18:01Good night.
18:03Good night,
18:03Sergeant Major.
18:03What was that noise,
18:17Arsene?
18:17I think come from
18:19the officer's basher.
18:21Perhaps
18:22loose while I
18:22trying to steal
18:23from Colonel.
18:24I fix him.
18:25Are you awake,
18:32Ashwood?
18:33Yes, sir.
18:34How much do you think
18:35Gunner Graham's aunt's left?
18:37Well, if Graham Hall
18:38is the one I think it is,
18:39it's huge,
18:40with masses of servants.
18:42Could be half a million
18:43or more.
18:43Ah,
18:44just think,
18:45a common gunner
18:46inheriting half a million.
18:47He's not common.
18:49He went to Cambridge.
18:49Well,
18:51they get the news
18:51any time.
18:53We'd better start
18:53being nice to him now.
18:55Where are you going?
18:56I'm going to have a chat
18:56with him.
18:57I'm coming with you.
18:58All right.
19:05For heaven's sake,
19:06don't let on.
19:06He's inherited a fortune.
19:07Good evening,
19:19Gunner Graham.
19:20Good evening, sir.
19:23Everything all right?
19:24Yes.
19:25Yes, thank you, sir.
19:26Fine.
19:27We couldn't sleep,
19:28so we thought
19:28we'd have a cup of tea.
19:30Would you care to join us?
19:32Oh, that's very nice of you.
19:33Thank you, sir.
19:36Traveller.
19:37Traveller.
19:37Three cups of chard,
19:41dear, dear.
19:42Is Gunner Graham
19:43going to pay, sir?
19:45We shall see that.
19:46Of course not.
19:47We shall pay.
19:51Well, Graham,
19:52how's it all going?
19:53Well, not too bad,
19:54thank you, sir.
19:55Stuck in the jungle here
19:56must be a strange experience
19:57for an educated man
19:59of good breeding,
20:00background,
20:01and intelligence.
20:02Yes,
20:03and a brilliant
20:03peerless to boot.
20:06Chasub,
20:06after you.
20:07I want to be loved
20:08by you,
20:09just you.
20:10I can't believe it.
20:12It's true, sir.
20:14His auntie
20:14has kicked bucket
20:15and left him
20:16millions and millions
20:17of pounds.
20:18He never said
20:19a dicky bird.
20:20He does not know, sir.
20:22And he mustn't know either.
20:23I mean,
20:23don't you see,
20:24if we keep on
20:24the right side of him,
20:26this could be the answer
20:26to all our dreams.
20:28I could have my own show.
20:30I could study my singing
20:31in Italy.
20:32And I could build my roads.
20:34No,
20:34nobody's that wealthy,
20:35but I could have
20:37my own show.
20:38Listen,
20:38we're going to have to
20:39start being nice to him.
20:40How was he this morning?
20:42I said good morning to him.
20:43Did he say anything back?
20:44Yes,
20:45he told me to take
20:45a running jump.
20:47Where is he now?
20:48Under a tree
20:49outside the gates
20:50reading his book.
20:51Go outside
20:51and ask him
20:52if he'd like
20:52a nice cup of tea.
20:53Who, me?
20:54Yes, you!
20:58Paderewski,
20:59do you fancy a cup of tea?
21:00No.
21:01Glorious pain?
21:01Oh, all right.
21:09Would you like a cake?
21:10My treat.
21:12Well, I might.
21:13What have you got?
21:13Just one sub.
21:15Oh, I want a fancy one.
21:16Oh.
21:17It just so happened
21:18I have just one
21:19coconut rim left.
21:21Give it to him!
21:21Give it to him!
21:23That will be
21:23two honours extra sub.
21:24Take it, take it!
21:26Two honours!
21:28Do you want to sit down?
21:29Oh, yeah.
21:30You're sitting,
21:31Nobby,
21:32get up,
21:32you're sitting
21:32in Paderewski's place.
21:33You're always up there.
21:34Oh, sorry.
21:44It's very humid.
21:46Do you like the cake?
21:48I thought they were
21:49supposed to use
21:49the inside of the coconut
21:50not the outside.
21:51The inside of the coconut
21:59not the outside.
22:01Oh, you're in the scream.
22:04Is that nice?
22:05It's a bit weak.
22:06I think the Chaiwala
22:07started using
22:08those secondhand tea leaves again.
22:10Secondhand tea leaves?
22:11No, no, lovely boys,
22:15let Gunner Graham finish his tea.
22:18Right, pay attention,
22:19chaps.
22:20I've got some marvellous news for you,
22:21especially for Gunner Graham.
22:23Now, we all know
22:24Gunner Graham has not been too happy
22:25about the sort of music
22:26he's had to play.
22:26No, it's a shame.
22:28It's a great travesty,
22:29it just so happens
22:31I've been talking
22:31to the brigadier at GHQ
22:33and he's a very keen music lover
22:35but of course
22:36he's starved of good stuff.
22:38Well, then it came to me
22:38in a flash.
22:39Here is Gunner Graham
22:40with his classical training
22:41and there is the brigadier
22:43starved.
22:44Why didn't we bring them
22:45both together?
22:46Why doesn't Gunner Graham
22:47give us all a recital?
22:48Well, the brigadier
22:49jumped at it
22:50and he's following us down.
22:52You mean,
22:52you want me to play now?
22:53Yes.
22:54What have you got a lot of?
22:56Who is your favourite composer?
22:58Amadeus Mozart.
23:00How extraordinary.
23:01Do you know who
23:01the brigadier's favourite composer is?
23:03Am, uh, him.
23:06Have you got a lot of him?
23:07Well, quite a lot, yes sir.
23:08Well, go and get it all.
23:09All right, fellas,
23:10get the piano,
23:11nobby nosher,
23:11bring the chair down.
23:12I want you, lovely boys,
23:13move yourselves.
23:14Not you, Gunner Graham.
23:16Now, be careful
23:16with that piano, lovely boys.
23:18You're not knocking about.
23:20Gunner Graham suffers
23:21enough as it is.
23:23Just a minute, boys.
23:24What has you done?
23:26Oh, he'll have the sun
23:27in his eyes.
23:29How do you expect
23:29a sensitive artist
23:30like him to have the sun
23:31in his eyes?
23:31Gunner Graham,
23:32who does not want
23:32the sun in your eyes,
23:33does he?
23:33Well, no,
23:34I'd rather not.
23:35Quite.
23:35Move it again,
23:36lovely boys.
23:36That's it.
23:37Beautiful.
23:39Careful now, careful.
23:40Well done, lads.
23:41Well done.
23:44Is that the music?
23:46Yes, sir.
23:47Ah.
23:47How long will that take?
23:49About two hours.
23:50Oh, fantastic.
23:51You hear that, Sergeant Major?
23:52He's going to play
23:53for two hours.
23:54What a treat, sir.
23:56Oh, China!
23:58Good afternoon, sir.
23:59Is everything ready?
24:00Pretty much, sir, yes.
24:01Is this Graham?
24:03Yes, sir.
24:04Well done.
24:05Good afternoon.
24:06Good afternoon, sir.
24:07Tell me, by the way,
24:08is it true
24:09that he's coming
24:09to a fortune?
24:11Yes, I believe so, sir, yes.
24:12I must have a talk
24:13with him later on.
24:15You see,
24:15I've got this little scheme
24:16after the war.
24:18Oh, by the way,
24:19I brought your mail for you.
24:20Oh, thanks, sir.
24:21I won't hand them around now.
24:21I don't want to hold things up.
24:22Try a while I look after these,
24:24will you please?
24:25Which part of his repertoire
24:26is he giving us?
24:27Sir,
24:27we is having two hours
24:29of Armadillo Mozart.
24:33Unbelievable.
24:33Mozart in the jungle.
24:36Off we go, then.
24:40Overdure to the magic flute.
24:42Ladies and gentlemen,
24:43fellas,
24:44we're very privileged
24:45this afternoon
24:46to have a Mozart recital
24:48by Jonathan Graham.
24:50I'm finished, you.
24:51He's going to start off
24:53with a little number
24:53from Mozart's biggest hit,
24:55the overture to the magic flute.
24:58Take it away, Professor.
24:59As Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
25:05was born in Salzburg,
25:06where naturally
25:07everyone spoke German,
25:08I feel it is only
25:09right and proper
25:10that I should give it
25:11its proper name,
25:12which is, of course,
25:13as you all know,
25:14Die Zauberflöter.
25:16Yes, of course.
25:17It's only a musical pause.
25:38Shut up!
25:38It's only a musical pause.
25:40It's only a musical pause.
26:10It's only a musical pause.
26:29Sir!
26:32What is it?
26:32I must speak to you.
26:34We mustn't interrupt Gunner Graham unless it's a matter of life and death.
26:38It is a matter of death, Saab.
26:40Alright. Excuse me, Saab.
26:49Saab, this letter has come from Gunner Graham's father.
26:53Why is it open?
26:55It got in the way of steaming kettle, Saab.
26:59How dare you?
27:01Yes, how dare you. How much did she leave?
27:06Dear Johnny, I expect you heard the news about your poor aunt.
27:09As you know, you were her sole heir.
27:11In her latter years, however,
27:13she became heavily involved with the work of the church army
27:16and I'm sure you'll be happy to know she left all her entire estate to them.
27:23Sir, does this mean that for two hours
27:25we's been listening to that drivel?
27:28for nothing.
27:30I'm afraid, Saab.
27:32Shall I put him on a charge, sir?
27:34Oh, thank you.
27:35You know, Mohamed,
27:36I don't understand life at all.
27:37You know, Mohamed, I don't understand life at all.
27:41A few days ago, they all turned against me. I couldn't do a thing right.
27:44And then, for some unexplained reason, they were all terribly nice to me.
27:47Now they've all turned on me again.
27:48Now they've all turned on me again.
27:50There is old Indian proverb, Saab, which say,
27:53false friends are like summer birds,
27:55false friends are like summer birds.
27:56They say,
27:57false friends are like summer birds.
27:58And then, for some unexplained reason, they were all terribly nice to me.
28:00Now they've all turned on me again.
28:02There is old Indian proverb, Saab, which say,
28:06false friends are like summer birds.
28:08They fly away in the cold weather.
28:09So, if you want to see your true friend, gaze in the mirror.
28:15And then, for some unexplained reason, they're all terribly nice to me.
28:20And then, for some unexplained reason, they're all terribly nice to me.
28:22Now they've all turned on me again.
28:23There is old Indian proverb, Saab, which say,
28:25false friends are like summer birds.
28:27They fly away in the cold weather.
28:29So, if you want to see your true friend, gaze in the mirror.
28:33APPLAUSE
29:03Two men will bend, so give us a cheer with a hang, hang, hang, just gather around and put down your gun, with us a bang, there's plenty of fun, so we take that watch, the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
29:19B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you!
29:24B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you!
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