- 5 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:10With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:16With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:27B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys, to entertain you.
00:48Ramzan, your needle is stuck.
00:50Hey!
00:51Oh, what a top-hole especially good day it is today.
00:57You see, it is like this.
00:59The British soldier is the most smart in all the world, because all the time he is doing what is called Get Fairly Non Parade.
01:07Now, you must understand, there are many different kinds of parade.
01:10There is church parade, sickie parade, and bags of bull parade.
01:14But today is the most beautifulest parade of all.
01:19It is pay parade.
01:21The day when Tommy Atkins gets what is coming to him.
01:25Now, the British soldier is a very rich man, and does not go around talking about money like some damn native.
01:33Oh, gully gumdrops, no.
01:35He has many holy names for money, such as Spandulix, Mazuma, and if he is coming from very high-caste people known as Cock-Knee,
01:49he is calling it Bees and Honey.
01:54Now, Lafty Saab has two holy names for it.
01:58Me Wages and Me Bitter Brass.
02:01Right, Tal!
02:04Spand yourself up gatter.
02:06Quick, march!
02:07Lafty, lafty, lafty, lafty!
02:08Exed!
02:09Could you make just a touch less noise, Sergeant Major?
02:12Very sorry, sir, but the men is getting very idle and slummofy.
02:14That's much better.
02:16There you are.
02:16That's 20 rupees.
02:17That includes one rupee barrack damages.
02:19Thank you very much, sir.
02:20Good boy.
02:21Very polite.
02:23Sign the acquaintance roll.
02:24Yes, sir.
02:26Thanks, Horvath.
02:27Right.
02:28Salute!
02:30Beautiful.
02:31Great, Tal!
02:33Steady there.
02:34Very uneven floor, sir.
02:35I'll tell you that one, sir.
02:38Uh, Beaumont's next.
02:40Beaumont!
02:42Sir, Minister, sir.
02:43Not you, not you!
02:44Sign the meeting, sir.
02:45Beaumont, sir.
02:46He's doing his rehearsaling.
02:47I'll give him rehearsaling.
02:49Get him here after the double get out!
02:50Sir, Minister, sir.
02:51Sorry, sir.
02:52Beaumont!
02:53Oh, look, let's have Suggdon while we're waiting.
02:55Get a Suggdon!
02:56You think I could give two weeks' notice?
02:59I'll tell you, I'll tell you, Tommy, let's have you!
03:01Oh!
03:02Push out!
03:03Right we are!
03:05Bar time!
03:06Out!
03:07Right down!
03:08Salute!
03:10Do it again, do it again!
03:11No.
03:12I think the first one was best.
03:13Pick up your money and get lost before my patience runs out!
03:20There you are.
03:21It's 18 rupees.
03:22That includes one rupee barrack damages
03:24and one rupee to the quartermaster for kit deficiencies.
03:27That was for a pair of socks.
03:28The officer is not interested in the details of your shopping list.
03:31Sign the acquittance roll!
03:34Come along, come along.
03:36What is you doing?
03:38I'm signing me signature.
03:40It should not take that long to put A cross.
03:45How dare you put flourishes under you a signature!
03:49Flourishes is for officers!
03:51Sir, Sergeant Major.
03:53And what is this?
03:55Harold Herbert Orris Sugden?
03:59Them's me names.
04:00Other ranks is not permitted to use all their names.
04:02In future, you will sign H. Sugden.
04:05H for Harold Herbert Orris.
04:08And Sugden for Sugden.
04:11Pick up your AB64 Part 2.
04:13Salute!
04:14Right turn!
04:15Quick march!
04:16Oh, shall I do it again?
04:18Get out!
04:20Well, there's not.
04:22Except for Bombardier Bermond.
04:23What about it, sir?
04:24Bombardier Bermond, sir, is here, sir,
04:25but he is not fit to be seen.
04:27Bermond, in your atti-tavail!
04:28It's up.
04:29It's up.
04:29It's up.
04:36How?
04:38What do you mean by coming in?
04:40You're dressed as Minnie Ha-Ha.
04:43So, it's a number for the new show.
04:45And I wasn't satisfied with myself.
04:48You know what a perfectionist I am.
04:49Will you stop playing with your pigtails
04:50whilst he was impressing the horses?
04:53So, it's a...
04:54Yes, it's a duet, you see.
04:55Gunnar Mackintosh, he's a Mountie.
04:57And he's standing on this rock and he's singing
04:59Oh, well, I'm calling you.
05:03And I reply,
05:04I know what you'll do.
05:08Shut up.
05:10Well, there you are.
05:1031 rupees.
05:12Compliments of the management.
05:13Thanks, sir.
05:13Oh, nearly forgot.
05:16You want my old to graph?
05:19Now, I must fly
05:20because I'm making myself
05:22an El Gwynn dress
05:23and I just can't get my orientes right.
05:26Pick up your AB64
05:28and get out of my sight!
05:30You!
05:30Charles!
05:32Chair on, Sergeant Meadow.
05:33Good afternoon, Bombardier, um...
05:34Beaumont, sir.
05:35Good afternoon, Bombardier, Beaumont.
05:37Bye for now, sir.
05:38He's quite a card, isn't he?
05:41He's more than I can stomach, sir.
05:42I used to soldiers and not a lot of Nazi boys
05:44ponching about with pigtails and feathers in their hair.
05:47But we mustn't forget the concert party does a marvellous job
05:50keeping up on the morale of the chaps that pass through here.
05:52And, Mr. Sir, I have one duty for Colonel Sir,
05:57bought by dispatch rider
05:58on special quick, smelly motorcycle.
06:01Mr. Sir, and Sir,
06:02driver of specially quick, smelly motorcycle,
06:05say, if any reply,
06:06he'll be down at Cook House
06:07scrounging for chip buddy, isn't it?
06:10Shut up and get out!
06:11Mr. Sir, I know about this.
06:14Delhi's doing a big thing
06:15about the Army Bureau of Current Affairs.
06:18Apparently, they're short of instructors.
06:20And anyone with the proper qualifications
06:21can be promoted to sergeant
06:22and then bunged off to Delhi for a two-month course.
06:25We haven't anyone of university type
06:27hanging around here, have we?
06:29Look, this guy, Graham, he's frightfully brainy.
06:31Hasn't he got a degree or something?
06:33You could not make him a sergeant, sir.
06:35Besides, he's the piano chap, isn't he?
06:37Oh, quite. He's a wizard on the keyboard.
06:38Oh, and if we let him get posted banged,
06:40there's a concert party.
06:41No, no, no, forget about the whole thing.
06:42If we let him get posted,
06:45bang goes the concert party.
06:48But, Rees Sergeant Major Tudor Bryn Williams,
06:51you is a big burk.
06:53You was within one air's breadth
06:55of getting shot of them concert party puffs
06:58for all time.
06:59And you just screwed it.
07:02Hang on, though.
07:03All is not lost.
07:06Them two is only officers.
07:07You can trade on their higher feelings
07:10because they are supposed to be
07:12English gentlemen.
07:17Let's start with gunna-la-dee-da-ruddy
07:20Graham's records.
07:23On the other hand, sir,
07:24it'd be a pity to stand in the man's way.
07:27It says here he is a bae-cam-on, sir.
07:29Now, I bet that is not to be sneezed at.
07:32Bachelor of Arts, Cambridge with Honours.
07:34There you are, sir.
07:37What did I say?
07:38What do you think, Ashwood?
07:40I do think he really likes the army, sir.
07:42He'd probably hate being a sergeant.
07:43I doubt it.
07:44Also, just hate sergeants.
07:45But I've never met one that hated being a sergeant.
07:48Why not let me sound the man out, sir?
07:50Get his views, you know?
07:52All right, then.
07:52If he likes it,
07:53well, then he can bung up his stripes
07:54and take the first available train to Delhi.
07:56There's bound to be someone passing through the camp
07:58who can play the piano.
08:00Of course there is, sir.
08:02When I find him,
08:03I'll shake him so firmly by the hand
08:05he'll have all his fingers in plaster for six months.
08:13Well, speaking personal, like,
08:15I don't think we should stand in his way.
08:17Oh, I quite agree.
08:19I mean, don't give a single thought.
08:20I mean, the fact that we'll be disbanded
08:22and sent up the jungle
08:23amongst all those snakes and spiders.
08:24and have to fight those horrid little men
08:26with their kamikaze swords
08:27shouldn't even enter your head.
08:29Look, I told the sergeant major
08:31I wasn't interested,
08:32but he just wouldn't listen.
08:35Ah, so you agreed, eh?
08:36You're taking the stripes.
08:38No, I'm not.
08:38He said I've got to think it over
08:40and go and see him this evening.
08:43Oh, sahab,
08:44what a terrible decision to take.
08:46What to do, what to do.
08:48Will you be using your most marvellous brain
08:50or tickling dominoes
08:51with your wonderful digits?
08:54I'll tell you what, fellas,
08:55if he goes,
08:56a few of us could get together, like,
08:57and form a little orchestra
08:59with bog paper and combs.
09:00Good luck of me.
09:01If I sang on with the motley
09:02with paper and comb,
09:04I'd be a figure of fun.
09:05Anyway, the pipe in the boggy
09:09went awful light.
09:10It's down to the gesture.
09:14Randy, watch us out.
09:19We're finished.
09:20We're all washed up.
09:22He'll take the stripes for the money.
09:24Anybody would.
09:25What's up?
09:26When you're a sergeant with three stripes,
09:28you'll be a very rich man
09:29and you'll be able to go to a bazaar
09:31and shifty bit, isn't it?
09:33While you actually give it a thought
09:34for your old mate here,
09:35hanging his way through the jungle
09:36on the mercy of all those creepy crawlies.
09:40Both of sows ki baat hai, sahab,
09:41aap jinggal meinse guzerte honge,
09:42murdering mosquitoes,
09:44haat mein liye huye,
09:45flit gun.
09:47London bridge is falling down
09:50already hell.
09:52Chai!
09:53Giram chai!
09:55Chawala!
09:57Yes, sahab?
09:58Come here.
09:59What are you selling tonight?
10:01Oh, sahab,
10:02I have the most beautiful Indian cake
10:03with squash fly cranks
10:05and white icing.
10:06Oh-ho!
10:07Give me two cups of chaw
10:08and two of them rolls.
10:09Yes, sahab.
10:15Come in.
10:16Come in, sahab.
10:16Badalooski, sahab,
10:17waiting outside, sahab,
10:18to talk to you about stripes.
10:20Get him in your...
10:21Yes, sahab.
10:21Ah!
10:23Come in, boy.
10:24I...
10:25Well, I...
10:26I won't be stopping,
10:27sergeant major.
10:28I just wanted to say...
10:29don't do nothing, hasty.
10:31Just, uh,
10:31take it easy.
10:33Park yourself down there.
10:36Me and you
10:37is gonna have a friendly
10:38man-to-man talk.
10:40Aju vera.
10:43Stir the gun at tea.
10:44Oh, thank you very far.
10:50Would you also like me
10:51to crumble rules up?
10:52Shut up.
10:54Now, you may not believe
10:55this kind of Graham,
10:56but I takes a real interest
10:57in you boys.
10:58And it does my heart good
10:59to see you get in on.
11:00Well, thank you,
11:01sergeant major,
11:02but actually,
11:02I have no ambition...
11:03Oh, I quite understand
11:05any man who is a man.
11:08And I am sure you is
11:09one of them.
11:13Do not like the notion
11:14of putting on stripes.
11:15Well, yes, sergeant major,
11:16that's the point.
11:17Oh, it's very natural.
11:19But with you,
11:20lovely boy,
11:20it's very different.
11:21Oh, yes.
11:22You see,
11:23you had all that learning
11:24rammed into you a clever head.
11:26You is...
11:26you is practically a genie.
11:31Genius.
11:32That's the very word.
11:33Now, as you well know,
11:34I am not the sort of person
11:35to make you do
11:37what you do not want to do.
11:39But I consider it my duty
11:42to show you
11:43what it is really like
11:46to be a sergeant.
11:49Right.
11:51There.
11:52Now,
11:52you has to admit
11:53that do look smart,
11:56don't it?
11:57Well, that's all...
11:58No, don't say nothing!
12:01It do look smart,
12:02don't it?
12:04Oh, yes,
12:05of course it does,
12:05sergeant major.
12:06I knew you would agree,
12:08sergeant Graham.
12:10Now,
12:11me and you
12:12is going over
12:13to the sergeant's mess
12:14for a little drink.
12:18And then,
12:19who's going to pay a call
12:20on one or two places
12:22in the tub?
12:23You see,
12:26when you as a sergeant,
12:27people who looks up to you,
12:28treats you different,
12:29and I want you to get the feel
12:31before who says yes.
12:33Yes, that's...
12:34No more talking!
12:37We is off
12:37to the sergeant's mess.
12:39One,
12:41two...
12:41Here, fellas,
12:47that pedrooski's gone over
12:48to the enemy.
12:49What are you talking about?
12:50We've just seen him
12:51going into the sergeant's mess
12:52with a sergeant major,
12:54and he's got three stripes
12:55on his arm.
12:56He's betrayed us.
12:58I knew it at lunchtime.
12:59When I crumpled my bread
13:00into my lentil soup,
13:02it dropped straight
13:03to the bottom of the bowl.
13:04That is always
13:06a bad sign.
13:08It was bad bread.
13:11What are you, sir?
13:11What are you, sir?
13:12Graham, sir,
13:13and sergeant...
13:13I know, I know, I know, I know.
13:15We might as well
13:16start packing
13:17for the jungle now.
13:18Sir,
13:19many years ago,
13:20I was bearer
13:20to one sergeant
13:21who was a very naughty fellow
13:23because he was always
13:24getting scotch mist.
13:27One day,
13:27he's caught
13:28by military policemen
13:29and put into clinky.
13:30Next day,
13:31when he sees colonel,
13:32he is being busted
13:32and become only
13:34humble gunner again.
13:36Pararooski doesn't get drunk.
13:38Has anybody seen
13:38Pararooski drunk?
13:39No.
13:40But, sir,
13:41I know they are going
13:42into town
13:43and I can arrange
13:44to take them
13:45to one very low dive
13:46which is owned
13:48by a relation of
13:48Mohammed here
13:49who is also
13:50a friend of mine.
13:51That is totally correct, sir.
13:52It is owned
13:53by my second cousin's
13:54third wife's
13:55brother-in-law
13:56who makes the
13:57finest Mickey Finney
13:58in all India.
14:00You mean,
14:01he'll get him drunk
14:02even if he just
14:02has the one?
14:03As new, sir.
14:06But he still
14:07might not get picked up.
14:08Do not worry, sir.
14:09The military police
14:10will be informed
14:11because my friend
14:12is very reliable
14:13rotten bastard.
14:16Is that not true?
14:18Very reliable
14:19rotten bastard.
14:21Oh!
14:23Where I come from,
14:24that's called
14:25the mucky trick.
14:27Never mind about that.
14:28My career's at stake
14:29and all our lives.
14:31Rangie,
14:32you take them there quick.
14:33That's a sub.
14:34I will do this for you
14:35and for your career
14:36and for 20 rupees.
14:3920 rupees?
14:41For Mickey Fin, sub?
14:44Come on, fellas,
14:45cough up.
14:45Come on,
14:45give me your money.
14:46Come on,
14:46quick, quick, quick.
14:47Give me your money.
14:48Give me your money.
14:48Please come in,
14:52please, sir.
14:52This is most
14:53top-hole club
14:54in whole of the Alar.
14:55Oh, blind me, yes.
14:57Don't look very lively,
14:58do it, Sergeant Graham?
15:00And, sir,
15:00here they are
15:01making the most
15:02finest cocky tails
15:03in whole of India.
15:05And soon,
15:06the bad girls
15:07will come, sir,
15:08which is good fun,
15:09isn't it?
15:10Please come in, sir.
15:12Sit up.
15:13Right here,
15:13please sit, sir.
15:14I say,
15:20it isn't out of bounds,
15:22is it, Sergeant Major?
15:23Not for warring officers
15:24and sergeants.
15:25See, these little places
15:26are what you might call
15:27the perks, like, you know.
15:29Get some drinks, Mayor.
15:30I'll just have to make this up.
15:33Hazard had made up
15:34the drinks already.
15:35Oh, yes, yes.
15:38One measure of my
15:39special Mickey Finn
15:39make the Bishop of Bombay
15:41sing the hymn
15:42called Esquimonelle.
15:44Which glass
15:48are you putting
15:48Mickey Finn in?
15:50Ah, this one.
15:52Achah, I must be
15:53very careful
15:53not to get mixed up.
15:54Yes, yes.
15:55Now then,
15:55I lift up tray
15:56and I take the table.
15:58Sergeant Major
15:59start sitting here,
16:00Graeme start sitting here.
16:02This way I'm making balls up.
16:06This is looking
16:07kind of dangerous.
16:09He will mark the glasses.
16:11Yes, I will mark
16:13each glass.
16:13Achah.
16:15But how is that
16:16helping me, my friend?
16:17Now you're knowing
16:18which is what?
16:19No.
16:22I'm helping you.
16:23Achah.
16:25Now the olive
16:26that is green
16:27is the glass
16:28that is clean.
16:28Ah, clean, clean.
16:31Cherry on the stick
16:32will make him
16:33drunk very quick.
16:34Drunk very quick.
16:34Drunk quick.
16:36Achah.
16:37Olive that is green
16:38is the glass
16:40that is clean.
16:41Clean.
16:42Ah?
16:43Cherry on the stick
16:45will make him
16:45very sick.
16:47Drunk quick.
16:48Ah.
16:49Achah.
16:50Olive that is green
16:50is glass that is clean.
16:52Cherry on the stick
16:53will make him drunk quick.
16:54I got it.
16:55Hurry up with them
16:56drinks, Baron.
16:57Coming, Sergeant.
16:58Mates us up.
16:59See, it's damn hot
17:00in here, isn't it,
17:01Sergeant Major?
17:02Ah, well, I, er,
17:02I don't suffer
17:03from the eat much
17:04like, you know.
17:04I tell you what, Sergeant,
17:05Graham, you can have my chair.
17:07You'll get the benefit
17:07of the drink.
17:08Oh, good, the drinks
17:12have come.
17:13Oh.
17:14Just going again,
17:15Sarban, a moment.
17:19Oh, blimey.
17:24Olive on the stick
17:24will make him
17:25very sick.
17:27Cherry that is green
17:28will knock him
17:28out clean.
17:30No, no, no, no, no.
17:33Olive that is green
17:35is the glass
17:36that is killing.
17:37Ah?
17:38Cherry on the stick
17:39will make him
17:39drunk quick.
17:41Drunk quick?
17:42Archer, you're right.
17:43I'm ruddy damn fool.
17:49Yes.
17:50Of course, you, er,
17:52you don't, do you?
17:53No, no, never did.
17:55Quite right.
17:56Self-discipline.
17:57That's what sergeants need.
18:01Oh, blimey.
18:03The olive that is green
18:04is not in the place
18:05that it should have been.
18:06Excuse me,
18:10sergeant major, sir.
18:14What the hell are you doing?
18:15Far regulation, sir.
18:16A candle has to be near
18:17punker to, to, to blow
18:19flame out.
18:20Now, please yourself.
18:21Let's drink a toast,
18:22sergeant Graham.
18:23Yeah, it's all right,
18:23sergeant major.
18:24I just want to say
18:26how much I envies you.
18:29Because you is on the threshold.
18:30Sir, may I say, sir?
18:31Shut up!
18:34You is on the threshold
18:35of a fine military career.
18:37Sir, may I say, sir?
18:38Sir, may I say, sir?
18:39If I, if I, if I drink this toast,
18:41you must have old Indian blessing.
18:44Old Indian blessing?
18:46Oh, yes, yes, please, sir.
18:47Now, you are very blessed, sir.
19:02Good.
19:03Now, shut up.
19:03You is on the threshold
19:06of a fine military career,
19:08sergeant Graham.
19:09If I'd add you a education
19:10and all that wonderful
19:12university learning,
19:13just think what I'd be today.
19:14Psst, psst, huh?
19:16Huh?
19:17Tabata.
19:18Azad make a mistake.
19:19He put Mickey Finney
19:20in a wrong glass.
19:21Huh?
19:22Now you are telling me?
19:23Oh, yes, yes.
19:25Cherry on the stick
19:26will not make him drunk quick,
19:27but olive in the glass
19:29will make him fall on his backside.
19:31Now I am up creek
19:34without paddle.
19:36Lieutenant Colonel Quartermaster,
19:37did you?
19:38Antar, mantar,
19:40jadu kalantar,
19:42ek, do, tientar.
19:47You touch them glasses again,
19:50I'll do you a mischief.
19:53You know, it's funny
19:54how customs throughout the world
19:56can have certain similarities,
19:58although the customs themselves
19:59are endemic to totally
20:00different cultures.
20:04Is that really sure?
20:05Oh, yes.
20:06Exempli gratia,
20:08we used to have
20:08an imbibing ritual
20:10in a society
20:10I belonged to at Cambridge.
20:12Now, before drinking,
20:13after a game of rugger,
20:14we used to hold up
20:15our hands like this
20:16and then we all used to chant
20:17I woe letas requies
20:20ad when it laborum,
20:22fessa wult in dukias
20:24Diora glens laborum.
20:32Very good, that is.
20:34Let me do it.
20:35I woe letas requies
20:38ad when it laborum,
20:41fessa wult in dukias
20:43Diora glens laborum.
20:46Oh, well, you're going to be
20:48a wonderful sergeant,
20:49no doubt about that.
20:50You'll have to teach them that
20:51in a mess.
20:52Then we used to pick up
20:54our glasses in our right hands,
20:56link our drinking arms,
20:59and then I take mine,
21:00I take yours with my left hand,
21:02you take mine with your left hand.
21:04And then we drink
21:05and cry,
21:07Floreat.
21:08Floreat.
21:10And I am now totally confused.
21:15Now, what is true?
21:17Like you tell me,
21:18I speak to military police.
21:19They're waiting down the street.
21:20But you're ready, fool.
21:22I do not yet know
21:23who is drinking Mickey Finn.
21:25Yikes!
21:27Now I am knowing.
21:31I just thought of something.
21:34Really?
21:34What's that, sergeant major?
21:36Women!
21:43What the hell's happened
21:44to the sergeant major?
21:45Who's up?
21:46He has taken the mickey.
21:49Pick us up!
21:49We must run quickly
21:51before the military rods
21:52has put him in clinking.
21:53Oh, my goodness.
21:53Get it out!
21:54Get it out!
21:54Get it out!
21:55Get it out!
21:59When I'm calling you...
22:02No, Ellis!
22:05No, no, no!
22:06You're meant to be
22:07Nelson Eddy.
22:08I'm Janet MacDonald.
22:10Rock, petal...
22:11You're back early.
22:14Quick, give us a hand.
22:19He's looking poorly.
22:21Was it something he ate?
22:23Get him into his basher,
22:24onto his char-poil.
22:25Parky, you stay with him.
22:27And if anyone asks you,
22:28he's been there since tea time.
22:30Okay, serge.
22:30Right.
22:35Everyone else,
22:36carry on normally.
22:38Really?
22:39There is something
22:40about a soldier.
22:41That is very, very fine.
22:43Anyway,
22:44the military police
22:45described the man
22:46thereafter as
22:47well-built,
22:48five foot ten,
22:49with a moustache,
22:50wearing a berry,
22:51with a royal artillery badge,
22:53and the insignia
22:54of a battery sergeant major.
22:55Oh, and he was
22:57swearing in Welsh.
23:02What a very accurate
23:03description, sir.
23:05Could have been anybody.
23:09They lost him
23:09in the bazaar,
23:11but later he turned up
23:12in the quarters
23:12of the Queen Alexandra
23:13nursing yeomanry,
23:15where he was heard
23:16shouting to the nurses,
23:18Come and get it,
23:19my lovelies,
23:19you didn't know
23:20it was Christmas,
23:21did you?
23:25All the nurses
23:32bolted their doors,
23:33with the exception
23:33of the matron,
23:35who with great
23:35personal courage
23:36tried to entice
23:37the man into her room.
23:41With the intention
23:42of holding him there
23:44until help
23:44could be summoned.
23:46A damn brave woman.
23:49Salt of the earth.
23:52He escaped from her grasp
23:53shouting another
23:54Welsh phrase,
23:55Henfunsch Achie.
23:58Can you translate that?
24:00Randy Old Couser.
24:08I see.
24:10He was next seen
24:11running from the company lines
24:13of a battalion
24:13of the Sikh regiment
24:14shouting,
24:15Blimey, I dropped one there.
24:20And after a hot pursuit
24:21was last reported
24:22running in the direction
24:23of this camp,
24:24chased by a sergeant,
24:25and a native bearer.
24:27I need heart to say,
24:28this is all rather serious.
24:29And if anyone were
24:30to identify you,
24:31well, to put it mildly,
24:33it would be the end
24:33of your career
24:34as a warrant officer.
24:36Has anybody identified
24:37this man, sir?
24:39not so far, no.
24:39Not so far, no.
24:39Not so far, no.
24:41Come in.
24:44Morning, sergeant.
24:45Might I have a word
24:46with you, please, sir?
24:46I'm rather busy at the moment.
24:47Is it very urgent?
24:48Well, it's about
24:49the sergeant major, sir,
24:50and last night.
24:52You better come in.
24:55Three chairs for them.
24:56It was the most noble thing
24:58that I've ever heard
24:59through Keyhole.
25:00Graham Sarb said
25:01that sergeant major Sarb
25:02was innocent as baby
25:03and that all the naughty things
25:04were done by Graham Sarb himself.
25:06Oh, they'll never swallow that.
25:08He looks nothing like
25:09old Shut Up.
25:10But Sarb,
25:10Graham Sarb said
25:11that he went like madmen
25:12and he took from sergeant major Sarb
25:14his most noble belly
25:15and also the noble crown
25:17that he wears
25:18on his hairy arm.
25:19I don't understand it.
25:21I'd find it easier to believe
25:23if he'd cut old Shut Up's throat
25:24and bunged him on the midden.
25:25Morning, old.
25:27Bloody where you been.
25:28I'd be worried sick about you.
25:29I'd be busted.
25:30Oh, Sarb,
25:31it is all my fault.
25:32None of us can understand
25:33why you took the blame.
25:34I mean, for him, of all people.
25:36Well, I felt sorry for him.
25:38He's such a pathetic figure.
25:40His whole life
25:40would have been completely ruined
25:41by losing his wretched rank.
25:44I didn't want the Dan Stripes
25:45and it suddenly presented itself
25:47as a heaven-sent opportunity
25:49to ensure that I didn't have to keep him.
25:51Oh, well, everybody's son.
25:52No, no.
25:54As you were, lovely boys.
25:57Just carry on
25:58with what you was doing.
26:00Men,
26:02I just wanted you to know
26:03that today
26:05I have witnessed a scene
26:06what I never thought
26:08would come to pass.
26:09I was not much of a one for words
26:11but this man
26:13saved my career
26:15and I will be grateful to him
26:17for the rest of my days.
26:20I mean
26:22we couldn't really let you
26:24carry the can back.
26:25I mean
26:26the Mickey Finn
26:27wasn't meant for you anyway.
26:36What Mickey Finn?
26:40There I go again
26:41tittle tattle, tittle tattle.
26:42What Mickey Finn?
26:46What Mickey Finn?
26:46What Mickey Finn?
26:47What Mickey Finn?
26:54What Mickey Finn?
26:56It was meant for Paderewski
26:57to get him busted
26:58so it'd stop here
26:59and I won't have to have
27:00bog paper and a comb
27:01to accompany me aria.
27:02You can't probably
27:06send your attention
27:07to be sad, to be sad,
27:08to be sad, to be sad,
27:09you'll be there right now!
27:10Stand still, stand still!
27:11You!
27:13I've never seen
27:14nothing like it
27:15in all my life.
27:16You and I are supposed
27:16to be in charge
27:17of soldiers
27:18and instead of which
27:19I find myself
27:20face to face
27:21with a lot of
27:22two-faceds.
27:23Double-crossing,
27:25two-timing,
27:26snakes
27:27in the grass.
27:31And what is more?
27:33You is a load of puffs!
27:35What are you?
27:36A load of puffs!
27:37A load of puffs!
27:39A load of puffs!
27:40Right, Tom!
27:41Come away and quick,
27:43Mars!
27:43What are you?
27:44A load of puffs!
27:45A load of puffs!
27:47A load of puffs!
27:55You know,
27:55there's a very old
27:58Indian proverb
27:59which is saying,
28:00there is no merit
28:01in doing real
28:02dirty, sneaky trick
28:04unless one is
28:05real dirty, sneaky man.
28:07LAUGHTER
28:08APPLAUSE
28:09APPLAUSE
28:11APPLAUSE
28:13APPLAUSE
28:15APPLAUSE
28:17APPLAUSE
28:21APPLAUSE
28:23The boys are here,
28:49the boys to entertain you.
28:51B-O-B-O-Y-S
28:55boys to entertain you!
28:59End of hope and glory,
29:03mother of the...
29:04SHOWD-UP!
29:06Oh, oh, oh, oh.
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