- 7 weeks ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rambles with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes on anew, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
00:37Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, boys to entertain you.
00:49I'm telling you, Mohammed, I will never live down this disgrace.
00:53In all my years was better, I have never been late before this morning.
00:59Now I am one whole half hour behind myself.
01:02He's unbelievable.
01:04What conceived this unheard of occurrence?
01:07Do you mean why was I late?
01:09Uh-huh.
01:10Well, it was all the fault of that dumb fool, Surajee Rao, to whom I was selling a cow.
01:15Hey, where did you learn from the young man?
01:16Where did you learn from the young man?
01:18Very bad, Ryan.
01:20Shut your cakey hole.
01:21What happened when he finally arrived?
01:27Oh, all hell was let loose.
01:30When Sergeant Major Saab came into Concert Party Basher and found them all asleep,
01:34he was so beside himself with furiousness that he set them on five-mile route march.
01:39Five-mile distance?
01:41Ah!
01:42It will kill them.
01:44And it will not do their feet any good either.
01:46Concert Party is very quiet this morning, Ashford.
01:50I can't hear a thing.
01:51Yes, they've usually started rehearsal by now.
01:53You cannot hear them, sir, because I have sent them on a route march.
01:56A route march?
01:57What are those for?
01:59Sir, I went into their quarters this morning, half an hour after Evali,
02:02and there they all was, bashing their charboys.
02:05Doing what?
02:07It was all fast asleep, sir.
02:08I awoke Gunner Graham, who said,
02:10I am not getting up today.
02:11I am going white cargo.
02:12White cargo?
02:13It's a term, sir, used by British other ranks.
02:16It means going native.
02:17Don't you remember, sir?
02:18There was a play called White Cargo.
02:20Yes, that's right.
02:21And there was a beautiful native girl called Toodaloo or something.
02:25Tondaleo, sir.
02:26Tondaleo, that's right.
02:27And she drove all the chaps mad.
02:29Oh, well, it's the heat, you see, sir.
02:30It sort of arouses the, well, arouses the...
02:33Yes, all right, I know what the heat does.
02:35I shall never forget the scene, sir.
02:38There they were, all these chaps lying around in the heat.
02:40Suddenly, the door opens,
02:42and this beautiful dusky creature slides in and says...
02:46Excuse me, Sergeant Major, sir.
02:47Shut up!
02:50What do you want, Perra?
02:51Sergeant Major, sir, there is a loud cloud of dust coming through Gateway,
02:55and I think it is concert party returning.
02:57Get out, Jolly Jolly.
02:59You're too kind.
03:03How far did you send them, Sergeant Major?
03:04Oh, just down to town and back, sir, five miles.
03:06How can you be sure they did the full distance?
03:09I told Bombardier Solomons to get me two tickets for the Kinnemar, sir.
03:13That's pretty smart, Sergeant Major.
03:15Yes, indeed, sir.
03:17Bombardier Solomons and his bunch of layabouts
03:18will have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch me out.
03:21Left, left, left, left, right, left.
03:25Mark time!
03:27Swooood!
03:30Halt!
03:31Fall out!
03:33Stand still!
03:35What do you think you're doing?
03:36Get properly, Fallon!
03:37Move yourselves, move yourselves!
03:38I'm going to get these properly!
03:40Stand still!
03:47Swoood!
03:48Shout!
03:51Bombardier?
03:51Sir!
03:52What do you mean by falling out?
03:54We was feeling a bit thirsty, sir.
03:55Thirsty?
03:57A little walk in a sun and you were thirsty.
03:59You've got no control, that's your trouble.
04:03I wish I had a pound for every time I've been thirsty.
04:05But then, I am a soldier.
04:11Not a Nancy boy.
04:15Who paints his face and prances about on the stage.
04:17Can a parking's duty man amongst you?
04:24Shoulders back, boy.
04:26Find better shoulders, show them off.
04:27Show them off.
04:32Right!
04:33You will stand out here in the sun, properly fell in, till I tell you you can dismiss.
04:38I will make men out of you if it's the last thing I do!
04:43Have you got my tickets?
04:45Yes, sir.
04:46Three rupees, it is not a very good film.
04:48Shut up.
04:50It's worth three rupees to get you lot on a route march.
04:55Charwalla.
04:56Yes, sir, you made a sub.
04:57If I catch you just once more on my veranda again with that filthy char-eran,
05:02I'll take your pass away and have you off the camp!
05:04Yes, sir.
05:05Shut up!
05:05At 1,200 hours, I will inspect all tea herns.
05:10And they better be clean.
05:12Plenty of saffcaro, mullum, plenty of saffcaro.
05:14I want to see my face in the bottom of every urn.
05:23What a horrible thought.
05:26Get out, Charlie, Charlie!
05:29Who is that? Who is that?
05:31Shut up!
05:32Oh!
05:35It's disgraceful.
05:39That's what it is, disgraceful.
05:41Fancy making an artist like me stand out here in the sun.
05:45My arms will go all red.
05:48How can I wear my Ginger Rogers dress in the show tonight with red arms?
05:52Oh, dear sir, I have one idea.
05:56I will loudly shout out, someone is fainting.
05:59Then one of the saffs can faint.
06:01Then Sun Major Saab will come out and he will dismiss you.
06:04Yeah, it might work.
06:05We don't want to get into trouble, Sully.
06:07Crawler.
06:09Here, Paderewski.
06:09Yes?
06:10You faint.
06:11Well, actually, Sully, I don't think I ought to.
06:14I might damage my hands when I fell.
06:17All right.
06:17Atlas, you do it.
06:18I don't think so, Sully.
06:20I'm not very good at the acting.
06:22You could fade that again.
06:24If we weren't on parade, you'd have your teeth to play with.
06:26Shut up, both of you.
06:28Lofty, you faint, then.
06:29That's an order.
06:31Why me?
06:32Because you're nearest the ground.
06:38Hang on, then.
06:41Watch us out.
06:44Good heavens!
06:46Somebody is fainting!
06:49Oh, Lofty, faint!
06:53No, no, I do not think he hurts, sir.
06:55Oh, blimey.
06:56We'd better do it again.
06:57Louder this time, Lofty.
06:58All right, Randy.
06:59That's us, sir.
07:01Good heavens!
07:03Somebody is fainting!
07:06He's coming, sir.
07:07Go on, get on with it, Lofty.
07:10What the hell's going on here?
07:11Leave him, leave him!
07:12You're on parade!
07:14What's the matter with him?
07:16He's eating dust, sir.
07:17Shut up!
07:20Turn him over, Bombardier.
07:21Sir!
07:25But, son, Major,
07:25if he stares in the sun,
07:28he'll go blind, Sergeant Major.
07:30He'll go blind, Sergeant Major.
07:34By the look of him,
07:35I know what'll turn him blind
07:37and it won't be the sun!
07:37Yeah, Major, please.
07:45Stop!
07:46Now, nobody move till I say so.
07:48Solly.
07:59What?
08:00Have you gone?
08:02Yeah.
08:04Not very nice down here.
08:08It's not very nice up here, either.
08:11Where's your line down?
08:13Solly.
08:14What?
08:16I think I'm going to face.
08:21Oh, blimey, we can't go on like this.
08:26Gloria, do your stuff.
08:28You mean the full performance?
08:29Yeah, give it everything you've got.
08:31It's not much of an audience.
08:33It's not much of a performance.
08:35Shut up.
08:36Now, get on with it.
08:36You'll get an audience.
08:38Would you mind, Paddy?
08:38Yes, yes, of course.
08:39Hurry up.
08:40All right.
08:41I can't stand it any longer.
08:43I can't stand it.
08:44There's heat, there's heat
08:45and a fly, there's a fly.
08:47There's a glass, there's a glass,
08:49there's a glass, there's a glass.
08:50Somebody turn the sun off.
08:52Please turn the sun off.
08:53I can't stand the sun beating down.
08:56Please, please.
08:57Shut up.
09:12Bring him up.
09:13Ta.
09:13And you're going to bargain.
09:14Yes, sir.
09:19Stand still.
09:20I feel better now.
09:21That lie down did me good.
09:22Ta.
09:22Ta.
09:23Ta.
09:27Now, listen to me, lovely boys.
09:29I am very worried about you.
09:33In fact, I cannot sleep at night.
09:35I am so worried about you.
09:37You are not fit.
09:40Do you know why?
09:41No, Sergeant Major.
09:42You are forgotten how to be soldiers.
09:44He never does guard duties, parades,
09:45pickets, drills, nothing.
09:49All you do is paint your faces
09:51and ponce about on the stage
09:52like a bunch of tarts.
09:54Ha, ha, ha.
09:57It's gone on long enough.
10:02You know what?
10:04I am going to go into the office
10:05and I'm going to whisper in the colonel's ear.
10:09I am going to tell tales.
10:12I am going to tell him
10:12what a weak-kneed,
10:14namby-pamby bunch of Nancy boys you are!
10:20That's all.
10:21Dismiss!
10:25Move yourself!
10:26Move yourself!
10:28Ah!
10:31Shut up!
10:32Wow!
10:34Something about a soldier.
10:37Something about a soldier.
10:39Something about a soldier.
10:40With the result, sir,
10:41I propose to put the concert party
10:43on guard duties
10:44and fire pickets,
10:45just like any other soldiers
10:47in the depot.
10:48But what about the show?
10:49Quite right, Ashroeder.
10:50You took the words out of my mouth.
10:51I'm terribly sorry, sir.
10:58They only does the show
10:59three times a week, sir.
11:00The rest of the time
11:01they spend skiving out of things.
11:02Yes, but you can't have the concert party
11:04doing guard duties, Sergeant Major,
11:05that they've all got different hats.
11:09Don't give me authority
11:10to draw uniforms, sir.
11:11You know as well as I do
11:12that this is a holding unit.
11:14I'm not authorised to issue
11:15new uniforms
11:16until they're posted up the jungle.
11:18Is that your only objection, sir?
11:19Of course it is.
11:19Uniforms?
11:20Of course.
11:21I think it's a very, very good thing
11:22for soldiers to do guard duties,
11:23don't you, Ashwood?
11:24Oh, absolutely.
11:25First class, sir.
11:26It's good for their morale.
11:27Yes, I mean,
11:27they enjoy brassing themselves up
11:29and polishing things
11:30and looking smart,
11:31don't they, Ashwood?
11:32Oh, they're absolutely
11:32revel in it, sir.
11:33All these different hats,
11:36I mean, it's just not on,
11:36not on at all.
11:38Sir.
11:43That's it, then.
11:45Arts.
11:46I've got to get them arts.
11:48And uniforms.
11:50Thing is,
11:50how do I go about it?
11:52I could blackmail the quartermaster.
11:55After all,
11:56I did catch him
11:57drying the old tea leaves
11:58in the sun
11:58and flogging them
11:59back to the charwallers.
12:00And the colonel
12:02would want to know
12:03where the uniforms
12:04come from.
12:07Solomons.
12:08He could scrounge
12:09hats and uniforms.
12:12I'll talk him
12:13into doing
12:13a military sort of song.
12:15And once they're all
12:16in the same uniform,
12:18I got them.
12:21Harmony guard.
12:23Camp guard.
12:25Pulling a flag up
12:26in the morning.
12:28Taking it down at night.
12:30The list is endless.
12:33Look at them.
12:35All red raw
12:37from those rough boots.
12:39I mean,
12:40how can I do
12:40my ginger rogers
12:41with great big corns
12:42on my toes?
12:44Don't worry, sir.
12:45I know one
12:46very old Indian
12:47scientific remedy.
12:48I will wrap them
12:49in poultice
12:50made from
12:50very old mango skins
12:52and certain parts
12:53of the water buffalo.
12:54They will make
12:55the feet
12:56all soft and white
12:57like ginger rogers
12:58but with different smell.
13:01So much, our boys.
13:04Here we are,
13:04lovely boys.
13:05Don't get up.
13:06Sit down.
13:07Sit down.
13:08Go on.
13:10Tweet, tweet.
13:10Tweet.
13:10You know me,
13:17lovely boys.
13:18On parade
13:19is on parade.
13:21Off parade
13:21is off parade.
13:24Which are we now?
13:25Off parade.
13:27Off parade.
13:28Now, pay attention
13:31to me, lovely boys
13:32because I am going
13:33to talk to you
13:34like I was
13:35a Dutch uncle.
13:36Sergeant Major Saab,
13:37while you are being uncle,
13:38would you like to partake
13:39of one nice cup of tea?
13:41Shut up.
13:42Yes, uncle.
13:44LAUGHTER
13:44Now,
13:45I wouldn't like you boys
13:47in a concert party
13:47to get the idea
13:48that I don't like you.
13:51I do like you.
13:53You are very necessary.
13:56The men who come
13:57through this depot
13:58must be kept amused
14:00to take their minds
14:01off where they is going.
14:02Up the jungle,
14:03Sergeant Major.
14:04Correct.
14:05Gunner Graham,
14:06clever boy.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:08University education,
14:11lofty.
14:11You can't beat it.
14:12You can't beat it.
14:13LAUGHTER
14:13Yes, them brave boys
14:16got to be entertained,
14:17but why, I ask myself,
14:19do you have to dress up
14:20as girls?
14:22You know,
14:24you might not believe this,
14:25but, er,
14:26I used to do
14:27a bit of a turn once.
14:29You.
14:29You didn't,
14:30Sergeant Major.
14:32I bet he did.
14:33Shut up.
14:34What did you do?
14:35I shouted to think.
14:38Well, er,
14:39I'd just joined the army
14:41and I stood on this platform
14:42as a soldier,
14:44singing a song
14:46Four Soldiers.
14:49On the road to
14:51Man and Man
14:52where the flying fishes play
14:55and the dawn come up
14:57like thunder
14:58out of China
15:00across the bay.
15:03LAUGHTER
15:04That's a beautiful song,
15:09isn't it?
15:10And it's a real soldier song.
15:12I thought it was a song
15:14about flying fish.
15:15LAUGHTER
15:16Yeah, I know.
15:18I could do
15:19Sister Susie's
15:20throwing shirt
15:20for soldiers
15:21dressed as an ATS girl,
15:23you know.
15:23LAUGHTER
15:24Belt up, Gloria.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:27Thank you,
15:29bombardier.
15:30LAUGHTER
15:30Hey!
15:32What?
15:32What do you want to do
15:34is sing that song
15:35dressed as soldiers?
15:35I mean,
15:37you know,
15:37proudly standing there
15:39wearing
15:39and jungle green,
15:41say.
15:42Bush hats.
15:44Without the piano
15:46so that
15:46none of you
15:47is missing.
15:50Sing it like men
15:51side by side
15:53with
15:53rifles.
15:56All dressed alike.
15:59LAUGHTER
15:59LAUGHTER
16:00All dressed alike.
16:03That'd be a bit
16:04difficult, wouldn't it?
16:06I don't know.
16:07I could get the uniforms
16:08from the QM.
16:09Could you?
16:11Yeah, of course.
16:13He owes me a favour
16:14for helping him
16:14flog all that
16:15dried teat
16:15to the charwaller.
16:17Oh, aye.
16:17You as well, was it?
16:18LAUGHTER
16:19I'll leave all that
16:24to you, bombardier.
16:25Sorry.
16:27LAUGHTER
16:27Oh, boys,
16:30but I tell you this.
16:31If you could do
16:32a number like that,
16:34I would be able
16:35to treat you
16:35all together different.
16:37And that's a promise.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:40LAUGHTER
16:40Well, give it a thought,
16:43lovely boys.
16:44Give it a thought,
16:44you know?
16:46On the road
16:47and the rain.
16:49LAUGHTER
16:50LAUGHTER
16:50LAUGHTER
16:51He sold you mad.
16:55Sold you mad!
16:56LAUGHTER
16:57He's obsessed,
16:58that's what he is,
16:59obsessed.
16:59I'd never seen him
17:00like that before.
17:02He was quite nice,
17:03wasn't he?
17:03I think I preferred him
17:05when he was his
17:05normal, beastly,
17:06revolting self.
17:07LAUGHTER
17:08Well, maybe there's
17:10another side to him.
17:11You know,
17:11a split personality.
17:13Yeah.
17:14One side's rotten
17:15and the other side's
17:16rotten as still.
17:18LAUGHTER
17:18What's he up to,
17:20Solly?
17:21I don't know.
17:23If you ask me,
17:24he realises
17:25he can't get rid of us
17:26and he's waving
17:27the flag of truce.
17:28The olive branch
17:29like Moses
17:30in the rushes.
17:31LAUGHTER
17:33I prefer him
17:35shouting at us.
17:36At least you know
17:37where you are.
17:38Have care, sir.
17:39There is one very old
17:40Indian proverb
17:41which say
17:42that Krishna
17:43did not give tiger
17:44sharp claws
17:46just to pick
17:47his nose with.
17:48LAUGHTER
17:49LAUGHTER
17:50LAUGHTER
17:50Yeah, maybe you're right.
17:54But I vote, fellas,
17:55we give it a try.
17:57If he wants a soldier's song,
17:59we'll give him
18:00a soldier's song.
18:01How's he doing, Ashwin?
18:14Oh, well, sir,
18:14as a matter of fact,
18:15I'm writing a little skit
18:16for the concert party.
18:18I didn't know you were
18:19an author.
18:20Well, I dabble a bit.
18:22LAUGHTER
18:23What's it about?
18:24Well, er,
18:25the scene takes place
18:27in this swamp
18:28on the Barbary coast.
18:29Bombardier Solomons
18:31is seething with emotion
18:32because he's lost
18:33this beautiful creole girl.
18:36Well, he comes on
18:37and he calls for her
18:38like this.
18:40Um,
18:40tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-chloe-ee.
18:43LAUGHTER
18:44LAUGHTER
18:45LAUGHTER
18:46LAUGHTER
18:47That's the name
18:52of the beautiful creole girl.
18:54There's no answer, of course,
18:56because she isn't there.
18:57LAUGHTER
18:58Absolutely distraught,
19:00he sings again.
19:01Um-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-tum-ti-chloe-ee.
19:04LAUGHTER
19:04By the way,
19:08he does that
19:09with an American accent.
19:10What, the um-ti-tum-ti bit?
19:12LAUGHTER
19:13No, the Chloe.
19:14Ah.
19:15I thought, er,
19:16I thought Goddard Beaumont
19:17could dress up in a
19:18low sort of thing
19:20and be the creole girl.
19:21I see, yes.
19:23What do you think of that,
19:24Sergeant Miller?
19:26LAUGHTER
19:27LAUGHTER
19:27I don't know what a
19:29keyhole girl looks like, sir.
19:31LAUGHTER
19:32LAUGHTER
19:33I hope, for her sake,
19:37she don't look like
19:38Gunnar Beaumont.
19:39LAUGHTER
19:40Well, I think he makes
19:42it absolutely first-class girl.
19:43Don't you agree, sir?
19:44Considering all the
19:45handicaps, he is.
19:46LAUGHTER
19:47You've just got a down
19:48on the concert party,
19:49Sergeant Major.
19:49That's the trouble.
19:51On the contrary, sir.
19:53I have just given him
19:54a little idea
19:55for a number myself.
19:57I made it up.
19:57Get out!
19:58Willingly, sir.
19:59LAUGHTER
20:00LAUGHTER
20:00What do you want?
20:02Well, it's like this,
20:03Sergeant Miller, sir.
20:04Bombardier Solomon
20:05sends message to say...
20:06Come in!
20:07With Major, sir.
20:08LAUGHTER
20:08What do you want?
20:11Sergeant Miller, sir.
20:12Bombardier Solomon
20:12sends message to say
20:14they have rehearsed
20:15concert party
20:15and they are ready
20:16for your auditing,
20:17isn't it?
20:18Oh.
20:19Well, if that's the case, sir,
20:20I'll just go along
20:21and see how they're progressing
20:22with my little scene.
20:24LAUGHTER
20:24Carry on, Sergeant Miller.
20:26LAUGHTER
20:32It's a rotten idea.
20:35Yes, but I do wish
20:36you wouldn't keep
20:37putting this in my in-tray.
20:38I didn't, sir.
20:39Well, I put it in my out-tray.
20:41Well, someone must have
20:42taken it out of your out-tray
20:43and put it in my in-tray.
20:45Because I saw it in my in-tray
20:46and read it
20:46and put it in my pending tray.
20:48And then I signed it
20:49and put it in my out-tray.
20:51Someone must have taken it
20:52out of my out-tray
20:52and put it in your in-tray.
20:53Yes, well, you'd better find it,
20:54otherwise it'll start
20:55all over again.
20:56LAUGHTER
21:02Inspection next month.
21:03Shall I file it under
21:04G for General
21:05or I for Inspection?
21:07I'd put it under N
21:08for next month.
21:09LAUGHTER
21:10What a good wee, sir.
21:13LAUGHTER
21:13Right, chaps, this is the note.
21:16MUSIC PLAYS
21:18OK, on three.
21:22One, two, three.
21:24On the road to Mandalay
21:26Where the flying fishes play
21:30Can't you hear
21:32That's my lovely boys.
21:34It's from Mandel to Mandalay
21:37January 1, February 2, March 3...
21:43What are you doing now, Ashworth?
21:44I'm counting, sir.
21:45April 4, May 5, June 6.
21:50Oh, crap.
21:51LAUGHTER
21:51Oh, what a fool I am.
21:56What a complete fool.
21:57The General's coming today,
21:58the 25th of May.
21:59You see, I thought
22:0125 of Bleak 5 was June
22:03but it's not, is it?
22:04It's the 25th of May
22:05and that's today.
22:06Oh, right, oh, right, oh.
22:08No harm done.
22:10What time's he coming?
22:111,200 hours.
22:12And what's the time now?
22:1412.10.
22:15That is late.
22:17LAUGHTER
22:17The whole camp is
22:20in absolute shambles.
22:21Well, look, let's think a minute.
22:22Look, you'll be coming
22:23in a staff car
22:24through the main gate.
22:25I'll get out of the main gate
22:26right away, sir.
22:27No, no, don't do that.
22:27Look, if you were a general
22:29inspecting things,
22:30would you come in
22:30through the main gate?
22:31No, sir.
22:32I'd sneak in the back way
22:33and come in
22:34through that door.
22:36LAUGHTER
22:37Good afternoon, sir.
22:40We were just expecting you.
22:41LAUGHTER
22:42And the dawn
22:44comes up like thunder
22:45Out of China
22:47across the bay
22:49LAUGHTER
22:50There you are, sir.
22:51What do you think of that?
22:53LAUGHTER
22:53Sergeant Major Sarbit
22:55What is making me feel
22:56so proud to be British?
22:57LAUGHTER
22:58Beautiful.
23:00LAUGHTER
23:00Beautiful.
23:02Beautiful.
23:02LAUGHTER
23:03Here you are,
23:04looking like soldiers,
23:06behaving like soldiers,
23:08and all dressed like soldiers.
23:10LAUGHTER
23:10Got you!
23:11Eyes front!
23:12LAUGHTER
23:13Squad!
23:13Right toe!
23:15As you were!
23:17Right toe!
23:18Excuse me?
23:19Are you talking as a producer
23:20or as a BSM?
23:21Face your front!
23:22Face your front!
23:22As a BSM!
23:24Right we are
23:25to the parade ground!
23:27Quick!
23:28March!
23:28F-I-F-I-F-I-F-I-F!
23:32Absolutely disgraceful, Reynolds.
23:34Never seen such a shambles
23:36in all my entire life.
23:37Men on guard
23:38with every kind of uniform,
23:40four different colours of blanco,
23:41heaven knows how many hats,
23:43and you are responsible.
23:44I shall be putting in
23:45an adverse report about you
23:46to Delhi.
23:46But this is a holding unit, sir.
23:48Be quiet.
23:48Yes, be quiet, Esra.
23:50To tell the truth,
23:51I don't think I've seen
23:51two soldiers dressed alike
23:53since I walked in
23:53through that gate.
23:54And you are responsible,
23:56Colonel.
23:56You are responsible.
23:58March!
23:59Time!
24:01Halt!
24:04Who are those men?
24:05They're our concert party.
24:06What?
24:07Conscripts, partly.
24:12Well, holy, actually.
24:14Well, they look smart enough.
24:16Oh, very smart.
24:17Who's responsible for them?
24:18I am, sir.
24:19Well, if you're responsible
24:21for them,
24:22that puts a slightly
24:23different complexion on things.
24:26Yes, I shall inspect them.
24:27Thank you, sir.
24:27And men like that sort of thing,
24:28you know.
24:29Anyway, it's good for their morale.
24:30Definitely, sir.
24:36What's that smell?
24:37Yes, what's that smell, Ashwin?
24:39Flowers, sir.
24:40Flowers, sir,
24:40and I'm not responsible.
24:44Sweet peas, actually.
24:45Thanks, Scott.
24:46The thyrosodaratus.
24:51I haven't smoked one of them
24:52since I lived in England.
24:53I grew them myself, sir.
24:55Would you like to inspect the men, sir?
24:56No, no, no.
24:57Leave them where they are for a bit.
24:58Tell me, how do you manage it?
24:59Well, my wife sent me the seeds.
25:01Really?
25:02Yes, but of course,
25:02the most important of all,
25:04I have a few handfuls
25:05of John Innes compost
25:06in my kit bag.
25:08Would you care to have
25:09a closer look, sir?
25:10Yes, yes, I would indeed.
25:11I used to judge them
25:13in shows back at home, you know.
25:15Would you really?
25:16I'm absolutely fascinated.
25:22Squad!
25:23Don't do that.
25:24The general's here.
25:24He wants to inspect them.
25:25The general, sir?
25:27Well, we'll have
25:28a little rehearsal then, sir.
25:29Right.
25:31You're used to rehearsing,
25:32have you boys, are you?
25:33Right.
25:34What's it then, squad?
25:35General salute.
25:37Preside!
25:39Ibes!
25:40As you were, as you were!
25:43Oh, deliberate!
25:44What is deliberate?
25:44Don't you cut it with me,
25:46I'll give you wet shirts!
25:47Keep it down,
25:48the general's in the office.
25:50Try again.
25:51Right.
25:53General salute.
25:54Present.
25:55Ibes!
25:56What?
25:57As you were,
25:58as you were!
25:59You're trying to make a forum,
26:00being a new?
26:00A forum!
26:01No, no, no, no.
26:02We haven't got the music.
26:03What?
26:03Well, we're not singing,
26:04aren't we?
26:05If we were singing,
26:05we could do it beautifully,
26:06couldn't we?
26:06Yeah!
26:07Shut up!
26:08Keep it down, sir!
26:09You may not have noticed,
26:12but British other ranks
26:13do not sing
26:14when they're saluting general.
26:17So, couldn't you just
26:17am or something?
26:18Shut up!
26:20I'll try and put him off.
26:25It's a remarkable achievement.
26:27Really, quite remarkable.
26:28Well, I'm ready
26:29to inspect the men now, Reynolds.
26:30Oh, do you really want to, sir?
26:31There's no real need.
26:32I mean,
26:32they're just the same
26:33as all the other men, sir.
26:34Yes, I must say,
26:35I always find them
26:35rather boring.
26:36Yes, I mean,
26:37once you've seen one,
26:37you've seen the lot, sir.
26:38Oh, no, no, no.
26:39I'll look them over.
26:40Men lose heart
26:41if they're not inspected
26:41now and then, you know.
26:49Give the order,
26:50Sergeant Rayner.
26:55Well, they're not with it, man.
27:02General salute!
27:04Present!
27:07Ips!
27:08On the road to
27:09Ips!
27:25Very smart.
27:26Very smart, indeed.
27:29And who's the,
27:29who's the native chap there
27:31singing the patriotic song?
27:34Yeah, come here, fellow.
27:39Oh, who are you there?
27:41General Saab,
27:41I have top full job.
27:43I have honor
27:43to be bearer
27:44to concert party.
27:45Constance, sir.
27:46Bearer to the concert.
27:47No.
27:48General Saab,
27:48my father was bearer
27:50before he bore me.
27:52My great-grandfather
27:53was bearer
27:54in Indian mutiny.
27:55In fact,
27:56he was only bearer
27:57who was loyal to British.
27:58And Governor Saab gave him
27:59most expensive metal
28:01made of real copper
28:02and said he was only bearer
28:04who was bearable.
28:05Why do we worry about the empire, Reynolds?
28:10With men like these
28:11and loyal fellows
28:12like this native chappy here,
28:14we can,
28:15oh, we can get all that
28:16namby-pamby talk
28:17and those wishy-washy
28:18politicians back home.
28:20Quit India, indeed.
28:21No, I say.
28:23Not while we've got chaps like you.
28:25Spoken like a truth, General Saab.
28:27You will not quit, India, Saab.
28:29Neither will I.
28:30If you don't leave India,
28:31then I will not leave India.
28:34He will leave here,
28:35or he will leave here?
28:37What's he saying?
28:38He say
28:38he will not quit India either, Saab.
28:41Well done.
28:42He say
28:43he have no other
28:44bleeding place to go.
28:57You will not quit, India, Saab.
29:27Again, cause the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
29:32B-O-Y-S, boys to entertain you.
29:39End of hope and glory, mother of the...
29:44Shout out!
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