- 5 months ago
The misadventures of a British Royal Artillery Concert Party unit stationed in based in Deolali in British India and the fictional village of Tin Min in Burma during the last few months of the Second World War.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:09With music and laughter to help you on your way, to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey.
00:15With songs and sketches and jokes old and new, with us about you and Phil Blue.
00:21So meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you.
00:26B-O-B-O-Y-S, boys, to entertain you.
00:44Oh dear, oh dear, what a sad day it is for all of us here at Royal Artillery Depot, dear Lally.
00:50We have all been saying goodbye to Bombardier Salam Saab, who has left us and gone home to Blighty.
00:56As farewell present, he has given me this splendid and top-hole watch.
01:01Oh, it is so jolly nice.
01:03There is only one problem, it has no insides.
01:06But Bombardier Salam Saab has told me that it shows the correct and proper time twice a day at 11 minutes past 10.
01:14So, all I need is another watch now to show me when it is 11 minutes past 10, so that I can look at this watch and see that it is indeed 11 minutes past 10.
01:27He has also given me one chitti to show to the Indian police to prove that it was a gift and that I have not stolen it.
01:34Unfortunately, he has not given me a chitti to stop the Indian police from stealing it.
01:39So, I will keep it very carefully hidden in my doughty.
01:45Salaam, Rundi.
01:46Ah, Salaam, Mohamed.
01:48Oh dear me, just think we shall never see Bombardier Salamon again.
01:53Ah, I feel that I have lost very dear friend.
01:56And I have lost the sale of four cuffs of child, eh?
01:59You ruddy fool.
02:01You think of nothing but your own pocket?
02:06Ah, I can hear weeping and wailing from concert party basher.
02:10Come, let us go and comfort the Sobs.
02:13Jullo by jullo.
02:17Oh, Sob, Sob, Sob, What sad day it is today.
02:21Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
02:24Don't rub it in, Randy.
02:26I shall never forgive Solly for this.
02:29I mean, he's deserting me.
02:30I mean, what's going to happen to the concert party now?
02:32You can't blame him for going, Gloria.
02:34He has done his three years.
02:36Thank goodness I've nearly done mine.
02:38I've only got six months to go.
02:40Doesn't it show?
02:42You shaggy-greatly butch-scotch-hairy-haggis.
02:45Oh, be careful, Sob.
02:46Now that Bombardier Salamon, Sob, is not here,
02:48there is nobody to protect you.
02:50Thanks for reminding me of Andy.
02:52Ah!
02:54What do you say, Petal?
02:55Well, there's nothing wrong with being butch and hairy.
02:57And I think those tattoos are very tasteful.
03:00Nice.
03:03Salamon, the question is,
03:04who is to be promoted to Bombardier?
03:07Well, I wouldn't have heard of those stripes and that gift.
03:10Mind you, the money would come in handy.
03:12That's true.
03:13It's like that's a bump that a Bombardier is tight.
03:17Sweep it up, Randy.
03:19Sweep it up, Mohammed.
03:20It's quite a responsibility, you know, being a Bombardier.
03:25I mean, apart from running the show,
03:26you've got to be able to maintain discipline, like.
03:28Oh, I quite agree.
03:29I mean, this concert party has to be run with an iron hand.
03:32Otherwise, we're all liable to break out,
03:34dash down to the bazaar, pillaging, looting and raping.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:37That's an idea.
03:40I mean, there's nobody in charge.
03:41Why don't we all go on the rampage?
03:43Count me out.
03:44I'm not doing any raping or pillaging.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:47Sob, as Sergeant Major Sob thinks that Parky Sob is his son,
03:52perhaps he will give him the two stripes.
03:54And Sob, he's always telling you what fine shoulders you have
03:57and how jolly good-looking you are.
03:59Oh, no, I wouldn't want that, Randy.
04:01I wouldn't want to get any promotion just on me looks.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04Well, I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.
04:07Mind you, I'm entitled to them.
04:09I mean, I am the only true professional artist here.
04:13Sob, thus speaks the wisdom of Sullivan.
04:15I wouldn't accept it either.
04:17Mind you, I really ought to have it with all my qualifications.
04:20I mean, I ask you,
04:21how many bombardiers in the Royal Artillery
04:23have got a degree in English literature?
04:26I ask you.
04:27LAUGHTER
04:28How many bombardiers have got a degree in English literature?
04:32None!
04:33And I will tell you why, Mr Lardy-Dar, gunner-graeme,
04:35it is because of the start-arse quo.
04:37In the British Army, officers should speak like officers,
04:39NCOs and gunners should speak like NCOs and gunners.
04:42That is the start-arse quo.
04:44Do you understand?
04:45Well, not really, Sergeant Major, no.
04:49Well, not really, Sergeant Major, no.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:52If all bombardiers spoke Lardy-Dar,
04:54nobody would know where we are.
04:55Get properly, fagin', move yourself, move yourself!
04:57You should be there by now!
04:59Now, I'm probably at ease.
05:00Watch it.
05:01Why, help!
05:02Turn that ice!
05:04It's uneasy.
05:05Now, you have all been saying goodbye to bombardiers, Solomon,
05:08and you is all very upset.
05:10Oh, dear, how sad never mind.
05:12LAUGHTER
05:12My lovely boys, let's have a look at you.
05:15You evil.
05:17Hello?
05:17Something wrong here?
05:19My finger is staying in the horizontal position.
05:21Normally, when I count you lot, it droops.
05:22Where is the droop?
05:23LAUGHTER
05:24Where has you been going to suck them?
05:31Down to see if the mail's coming.
05:33When one of you lot gets a letter,
05:35that is the only time a mail gets into this bar show.
05:37You puffs.
05:38There's not be felon!
05:40No, it's not a letter.
05:41It's a song.
05:42I sent home for Tosti's Goodbye.
05:44Shut up and get felon.
05:45LAUGHTER
05:45Now, you may all have been puzzled
05:56when you were saying goodbye to bombardiers, Solomon's,
05:58that Colonel Reynolds and Captain Ashwood was not there.
06:01This may seem strange to you,
06:02cos bombardiers, Solomon's spent most of his time
06:04crawling round the Colonel's jacksy.
06:05LAUGHTER
06:06And the Colonel was fond of him.
06:10But the Colonel and the Captain was not there
06:12because they is in hospital with quarantine.
06:14Suspected of having picked up something nasty.
06:18I'm sorry to hear that.
06:19Is it contagious, Sergeant Major?
06:22No, lovely boy, not unless you catches it.
06:25LAUGHTER
06:25Now, I suppose you is all wondering
06:29who is going to be promoted to bombardier.
06:31Well, I will tell you.
06:34And I'll say them.
06:36What is the name of that song you just got?
06:38Er, Tosti's Goodbye.
06:41It's very sad.
06:41Good.
06:44Let's hear it.
06:45Sing, Lofty.
06:47LAUGHTER
06:47Now!
06:48Goodbye forever,
06:51goodbye forever,
06:54goodbye,
06:55goodbye,
06:57goodbye.
07:00Beautiful.
07:02LAUGHTER
07:03Beautiful.
07:04That was Tosti's goodbye.
07:07Now I was going to give you
07:09Sergeant Major Williams's goodbye.
07:10None of you is going to be promoted to bombardier
07:14because there is not going to be
07:15no concert party for you
07:16to be promoted bombardier of.
07:18You is all posted up the jungle.
07:20But Sergeant Major,
07:21you can't pass us up the jungle
07:22without the Colonel's permission.
07:23Shut up!
07:24The Colonel would not know nothing about it,
07:26seeing as he is in hospital,
07:27and cannot see anybody
07:28or come into contact
07:29with any human beings
07:30for the next two weeks.
07:32And by the time he gets out,
07:33you will be gone.
07:34Won't you get into trouble, Sergeant Major?
07:36LAUGHTER
07:40Any trouble I gets into,
07:42going to la-dee-da-geraim,
07:43will be well worth it
07:44to get rid of you lot.
07:47Now hear this.
07:48Them postings will take ten days
07:49to come through
07:50and I is not having you lot in here
07:51bashing you a chart-boys all day.
07:53So, get a McIntosh, Clark and Evans!
07:55Sir!
07:55Cookhouse fatigues!
07:56Get a Graham!
07:57Sir!
07:57Library fatigues!
07:59Get a parking.
08:00Sir!
08:02Battery office.
08:02LAUGHTER
08:03LAUGHTER
08:04Get a Beaumont.
08:05Sir.
08:06Batman to Colonel Saunders.
08:08The rest of you...
08:09Pfft!
08:11Permanent whitewashing-off stones.
08:13LAUGHTER
08:14I want them stones gleaming white.
08:17Gleaming, gleaming!
08:18That's all.
08:19Yes, yes!
08:20Budi Sanctus will be there by now!
08:22Goodbye.
08:24Goodbye.
08:25Goodbye.
08:26Oh, what terrible day
08:28that was for concert party, huh?
08:30Now they have all been dismembered.
08:32LAUGHTER
08:33LAUGHTER
08:34ever since then
08:36they have been on fatigues
08:37in wash house,
08:39cook house
08:39and such like places.
08:41LAUGHTER
08:42Don't be such clever dicky.
08:47LAUGHTER
08:48Come quick.
08:51There's an urgent conference
08:52in the concert party, Basha,
08:54and they're needing your help.
08:56Acha.
08:57Chalo, bai.
08:57Chalo.
08:58LAUGHTER
08:58Right.
09:01That's another day nearer
09:04to us getting posted.
09:06Oh, for goodness sake,
09:06put a sock in it.
09:07Every day you tick off
09:08that silly calendar,
09:09you say,
09:09that's another day nearer
09:10to us getting posted.
09:12But nobody does anything.
09:13Nobody does anything.
09:14Why doesn't somebody do something?
09:15I can't understand this pressure.
09:17It's too great.
09:17I can't understand this.
09:18LAUGHTER
09:19Stop!
09:20If pressure too great,
09:22get bigger size of boots
09:23from quartermaster's party.
09:24LAUGHTER
09:24I'll belt up, Randy.
09:26Stop!
09:27I am completely belted up.
09:29That could be the cause
09:30of the pressure.
09:31What?
09:32Your belt's too tight.
09:34The pressure is in my mind.
09:36My artistic, sensitive mind.
09:38Let's see, a mind.
09:40What we need
09:40is a clear, logical mind
09:42to help us get out of this mess.
09:43That's right.
09:44A clear, logical mind.
09:46And, Saab,
09:47who could have more
09:48clear, logical mind
09:49than Graham Saab
09:50with all his wonderful
09:51university education?
09:54And after all,
09:55wasn't it not pupil of Eton
09:56who invented Flush Toilet?
09:59I don't think
10:00I quite follow that, Randy.
10:01Oh, Saab,
10:01have you not heard the story?
10:03Oh, Saab,
10:04it is something
10:04that all we British
10:05should be truly proud of.
10:08Urgh!
10:10You see, Saab,
10:11there was this brilliant
10:12scholar of Eton
10:13who had drawn up
10:14a plan for Flush Toilet.
10:16And another scholar said
10:18this will not work.
10:19So,
10:19he challenged him to duel.
10:21And hence,
10:22you get the saying, Saab,
10:23that the Battle of the Waterloo
10:25was one on the
10:26playing field of Eton.
10:29Yes, well,
10:30as I see it,
10:31it's a simple mathematical
10:32problem of syllogistics.
10:33Now,
10:34let A equal the kernel
10:35in quarantine,
10:36B equals us in here,
10:38and X equals the way
10:39to get the message
10:39to the kernel.
10:40A,
10:41B,
10:42X.
10:42C comes after B,
10:44not X.
10:47Hey, fellas,
10:47can we tie a little message
10:49to a cricket ball
10:50and throw it?
10:51That's not really
10:51very logical,
10:52Nobby.
10:53We could tie a little note
10:54to a pigeon.
10:55Of course not.
10:56There are no pigeon
10:57left in this part of India.
10:58The kite hawks
10:59have all eaten them.
11:01Right,
11:01we'll catch a kite hawk
11:02and get lessons.
11:04Somebody please
11:05say something sensible.
11:06Tom,
11:07I have it.
11:08I will disguise myself
11:09and sneak into hospital
11:11with message.
11:12Oh, no, Ranji,
11:12you might catch something.
11:13Not to worry, Saab.
11:14I've had all dreaded
11:15Indian diseases.
11:17Derry belly,
11:18swamp fever,
11:19yellow fever.
11:21No, no, no, Ranji.
11:22These are all
11:22in the land.
11:23If you look at it,
11:24it's a hay fever.
11:26How dare you!
11:28Go on, pull your punkah.
11:30Artery.
11:31Artery.
11:33Saab,
11:34in order
11:34to get into hospital,
11:36I will disguise myself
11:37as nurse.
11:39All right.
11:40I'll end you
11:41my skirt
11:41and black stockings.
11:43No, nurse,
11:44I'm male nurse.
11:47Perhaps you're right.
11:48You haven't got
11:49the legs for it.
11:51Here we are again,
11:54happy as can be.
12:00You started to feel
12:01anything yet, Eshwood?
12:02Yes, sir.
12:06I was just
12:07taking a nap.
12:08Do come out
12:09from under that net.
12:10Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
12:12No, sir.
12:13I can't see
12:14how we could possibly
12:15have swamp fever
12:16when we haven't been
12:17near any swamps.
12:18It's all your fault
12:19taking me to that restaurant.
12:21It wasn't in a swamp.
12:23Wasn't it?
12:24Mind you,
12:24that mango fool
12:25we had for pudding
12:26was a bit watery.
12:27What had to do
12:28with the mango fool,
12:29you fool?
12:29One of the waiters
12:30had swamp fever.
12:31Well, anyway,
12:32we've only got to be here
12:33for three more days.
12:34Message from GXQ, sir, huh?
12:40It's for the colonel.
12:43Give it to him.
12:44Take care, sir.
12:46Thank you, my man.
12:47What's he waiting for?
12:51I think he wants a tip.
12:54Well, give him something,
12:55will you?
12:59Oh, don't give him
13:00a whole rupee.
13:00That's far too much.
13:02But I can't get a coin
13:02on the pole.
13:04Give him one
13:04of those bath buns.
13:05Oh, thanks.
13:12Thanks, awfully.
13:15Oh, good heavens.
13:15Plus, I shouldn't
13:17have done that.
13:17He might catch
13:18or we don't know
13:19if we've got a lot.
13:20Do use your intelligence,
13:22Ashford.
13:22Indians don't catch things
13:23they give them to us.
13:29What's he say?
13:30Have you got any butter?
13:33Damn cheap.
13:34Clear off.
13:36I don't think
13:36throw things on the floor,
13:38Ashford.
13:38Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
13:39I say, have a care.
13:47Good heavens,
13:48the Supremo's coming.
13:50What, Lord Thingy?
13:52Yes, yes, he's coming next week
13:53and they want us
13:54to put on a show for him.
13:55I hope the concert party's
13:56in good shape.
13:57Oh, don't worry, sir.
13:58Beaumont's pretty keen.
13:59I bet he's rehearsing them
14:00like mad.
14:00Excuse me, Colonel, sir.
14:09Not today, thank you.
14:11Colonel, sir,
14:12it is me.
14:13You mean, it is I?
14:14Yes, sir, it is I.
14:15Who's I?
14:16My I, sir.
14:17Both of them.
14:18Lord Clemens, bearer.
14:20What are you doing here?
14:20You'll catch something.
14:21Oh, no, no,
14:22don't worry, Colonel, sir.
14:23I'm totally in fume.
14:26Colonel, sir,
14:26Captain, sir,
14:27I have urgent and grave news.
14:29Concert party
14:29is about to be posted
14:31up jungle.
14:32But the Supremo's coming.
14:33Yes, the Supremo's coming.
14:34Oh, Colonel, sir,
14:35please do not eat it.
14:37Both grab that Indian ice cream.
14:39Full of germs.
14:40Beaumont, will you please
14:41go and get Sergeant Major
14:41Williams at once?
14:42Tell him to come here
14:43at the double.
14:44Colonel, sir,
14:44he might catch something.
14:45Don't worry,
14:46I'll make special arrangements.
14:47Now, off you go.
14:48Jody, Jody.
14:48Okay, Colonel, sir.
14:49Healthy, healthy.
14:51Oh, blimey.
14:53Yes, doctor, sir.
14:54You have to leave the job
14:55as well.
14:57This job is the most important.
14:58And if you do this,
14:59and get on with it.
15:01I said, doctor, sir.
15:04What did she say, Baron?
15:07Colonel, sir,
15:08he has asked me
15:09to do something
15:09that I would not dream
15:10of doing
15:11to British officers.
15:12That is all the postings through.
15:22Where did the concert party go,
15:23Sergeant Major?
15:25The Jungle Battle School
15:26in Assam.
15:28Wish I was going with them, sir.
15:29Really, boy?
15:35That's what I like to see.
15:37Keenness.
15:39Shoulders back, boy.
15:40Shoulders back.
15:41Why better shoulder
15:42as you show them off?
15:43We dare not see.
15:44I mean,
15:45that dandruff of yours
15:45is clearing up nicely.
15:48We used to send you
15:49up the jungle
15:50and might brig out again
15:50and who knows
15:52where it would end.
15:52I should be sorry
15:55to see him go, sir.
15:57Yes, I'll be very sorry, too, boy.
16:02I can hardly wait
16:03to get him on parade
16:03and tell him
16:05he's leaving
16:07at 1100 hours tomorrow.
16:10What?
16:11Shut up, shut up!
16:13How dare you come
16:14bursting up out of your office
16:14like that?
16:15Stand to attention!
16:15About time!
16:16Quick march!
16:17Left side, left side, left side,
16:18left side, left side, left side!
16:19About time!
16:21Close the door!
16:23Not on the door!
16:24Open the door!
16:25Quick march!
16:26Left side, left side,
16:27right side, right, right, left!
16:28Oh, sir, sir!
16:29Colonel, sir,
16:30wants to see you at them.
16:33Shut up!
16:34Have you gone off
16:35your flaming rock, huh?
16:36How many colonel see me?
16:37He's in hospital
16:38and highly conflagious.
16:40He has made
16:41the special arrangement.
16:43When this sound
16:45was the last
16:46of the key
16:48that was up
16:49in my...
16:51Right!
16:51Do not come any closer,
16:52Sergeant Major.
16:55And put this
16:56over your head.
17:03I hope this disinfectant
17:04is not too strong,
17:05but we can't afford
17:06to take any chances,
17:07you see.
17:07Now, Bera,
17:08splash the veil
17:09every 15 seconds.
17:10Oh, Dr. Saab,
17:11unfortunately,
17:12my watch does not
17:13go beyond
17:1411 minutes past 10.
17:15Well, count 15 slowly, then.
17:19It's safe for you
17:20to speak to the fellow
17:20now, Colonel.
17:21Thank you, Doctor.
17:22Start spraying the veils.
17:23I said, Dr. Saab.
17:27If you need
17:28any more disinfectant,
17:29let me know, won't you?
17:30I said, Dr. Saab.
17:32Now, listen to me,
17:32Sergeant Major.
17:33Sir?
17:34What the hell do you mean
17:34by posting the concert party
17:35without my permission?
17:37Well, sir,
17:37I was only doing my duty.
17:38I don't want to hear
17:43a lot of excuses.
17:44Stop the posting
17:44at once.
17:45Don't you realise
17:46the Supremo's coming
17:47in three days?
17:48We've got to put on
17:49a special show for him.
17:51The Supremo, sir?
17:55Yes, you know,
17:56the Admiral Supremo.
17:57What are we going
17:58to say to him
17:58if there's no show?
18:00Well, with respect, sir,
18:01you as a colonel
18:01in the army
18:02and you don't need
18:02to worry about
18:03no Dago sailors.
18:05I'm talking about
18:06Admiral Lord Thingy.
18:07Admiral Lord Thingy.
18:10Right, we're finished, doctor.
18:12Stop the postings
18:13and start the concert party
18:14rehearsing at once
18:15and that is an order.
18:22I'm afraid that this
18:23disinfectant
18:24was a bit stronger
18:25than I thought.
18:32Good to go.
18:33Come in.
18:34Sergeant Major, stop.
18:35I have given
18:36Bowman, sir,
18:36your message
18:37and he's coming.
18:38Good.
18:39Get two mugs of tea.
18:39What's the matter, sir?
18:41What's the matter, sir?
18:42It is most kind of you
18:46to ask me
18:47to partake of tea with you.
18:48I am totally honored.
18:50Shut up.
18:51Not for you,
18:51forget it, Bowman.
18:52Now, when he comes in here,
18:53you stay with me
18:54because I'm going to
18:54butter him up
18:55and give him
18:55a bit of the old soft soap.
18:57What's the matter, sir?
18:57You are desiring
18:59just Sergeant Major, sir?
19:00Shut up
19:00and crouch in the corner.
19:01I want you
19:04to prepare tea
19:05for Bowman, sir,
19:06and then
19:06Sergeant Major, sir,
19:07is going to
19:08butter him up
19:08with soft soap.
19:09Shut up.
19:11Come in.
19:14You wanted to see me,
19:15Sergeant Major?
19:16Yes, lovely boy.
19:18Bearer,
19:18a chair for Gunnar Bowman.
19:20I just had to make it up.
19:23You may serve the tea, Bearer.
19:25Now?
19:25Do you fancy a kinky?
19:26I don't think I should.
19:28I have to watch my figure.
19:30So you should, lovely boy.
19:32I was already saying
19:32the other day,
19:33when you gets that
19:33Ginger Rogers dress
19:34if you was on,
19:35it's hard to believe
19:35you as a man.
19:37It's the nicest thing
19:38you've ever said
19:39to me, Sergeant Major.
19:40No, lovely boy.
19:41I means every word of it.
19:46Please, sir.
19:48Bearer.
19:49Sir.
19:50You can tell
19:51the char wallet to go now.
19:54I have not seen
19:56the Sergeant Major
19:56doing the buttering
19:57with the soft soap yet.
19:59How dare you!
20:01But it's not
20:01for you damn natives
20:02to watch.
20:03But it's only
20:04for us British.
20:09Now, Gunnar Bowman,
20:10you will be pleased
20:11to know
20:11I has used
20:12whole my influence
20:13and got them
20:14postings cancelled.
20:15Does that mean
20:16we're not going to
20:16get sent up
20:17the jungle after all?
20:18That's right.
20:18Oh, thank you very much,
20:19Sergeant Major.
20:20Mind you,
20:21it says this well.
20:21The Colonel
20:22was telling me
20:22to tell you
20:23that he wants you
20:23to do a special show
20:24next Tuesday evening.
20:25Oh, I'm sorry,
20:26I couldn't do that.
20:30Why not?
20:30Well, I'd like to,
20:31but I just couldn't
20:31get the show ready
20:32in time.
20:33I mean,
20:33my nerves
20:33would never stand it.
20:35Besides,
20:35I'm quite happy
20:36where I am
20:36being Batman
20:37to Colonel Saunders.
20:39I get on
20:39ever so well
20:40with his wife.
20:41I help her
20:42design all her frocks.
20:44She says
20:44I'm a little treasure.
20:46LAUGHTER
20:46LAUGHTER
20:47It's a very special show,
20:52you know.
20:52Hey,
20:53do you know
20:53who's going to be there?
20:54Who?
20:56Admiral Lord...
20:57I'm sorry,
21:01I can't help it.
21:02I still can't
21:02get the show ready
21:03in time.
21:06You...
21:06you know
21:07who his mate is,
21:07don't you?
21:08No.
21:09Noil Coward.
21:10Noil Coward?
21:12And if the Admiral
21:13sees you in the show,
21:14he's bound to tell
21:15his mate Noil,
21:16isn't he?
21:16Would he do that,
21:17Sergeant Major?
21:18With you a talent,
21:20lovely boy,
21:20he's bound to spot you,
21:21I can see it now.
21:22When you gets back
21:23to Blighty,
21:24on the troop ship,
21:26he lowers the gangplank
21:27and there is Noil Coward
21:29standing there
21:30with his contract
21:31in his hand.
21:32LAUGHTER
21:33Well, Sergeant Major,
21:35I'm going to be a star
21:37and I owe it all to you.
21:39LAUGHTER
21:40LAUGHTER
21:40Yes, lovely boy,
21:44if you owes it all to me,
21:46hmm, hmm, hmm.
21:46LAUGHTER
21:47HE CHUCKLES
21:48HE CHUCKLES
21:49HE CHUCKLES
21:50HE CHUCKLES
21:51SING HIGH, SWING LOW
21:53SWING TO, SWING THROW
21:55THE WAY THEY SAID
21:57WEDDING BELLS
21:58SWINGING, YOU KNOW
21:59IN RHYTHMIC RHYME
22:01KEEP TUNE AND TIME
22:03HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
22:06BAD ROOTH D!
22:08What are you playing?
22:10Swing high, swing low.
22:11What's the matter?
22:11Isn't it loud enough?
22:12Oh, yes, it's loud enough.
22:14Oh, what's wrong with it, then?
22:15This is supposed to be a romantic number
22:17with a gentle swing.
22:18Well, I am swinging it.
22:19I thought I'd give it a bit of a beat as well.
22:22I meant to be a girl in an English garden.
22:25Not Tarzan in the jungle!
22:27LAUGHTER
22:28Don't you mean Jane?
22:30Oh.
22:31And Lofty!
22:34Why are you wearing those glasses?
22:36You're meant to be a soldier!
22:38It's all right, there are me issue glasses
22:39for wearing under a gas mask.
22:41LAUGHTER
22:41They didn't have gas masks in those days.
22:44Oh, start the whole thing again.
22:45Get me up the ranch.
22:46All right.
22:48Whoop!
22:49Swing high, swing low,
22:51swing to, swing from,
22:53the way they set wedding bells swinging.
22:56Right, lovely boys,
22:57now don't forget,
22:57I want to be a really good show tonight.
22:59Oh, son of it is half in this tough hall,
23:01though.
23:01There's no moments of look lovely lady on the swing.
23:04Does it not give you joy
23:05to see him swinging to and fro?
23:07Yes, I'd like to see him swing.
23:09You're a half nervous, Sergeant Major.
23:11Fancy the supremo being in the audience tonight?
23:14You've got nothing to worry about, lovely boy.
23:15He's bound to like you.
23:16Can't you push him harder, Bella?
23:18I want it to be a really good show.
23:19Hold on a minute, Tom.
23:20I think I'm pushing him quite high enough.
23:22Come out of the way, come out of the way.
23:23Let me do it.
23:24Now.
23:26What?
23:29Better, isn't it?
23:30Well, good on, see?
23:31My ankle.
23:44My poor ankle.
23:45Sir, please to drink this.
23:47Oh, thank you.
23:48What did the doctor say, Ashley?
23:49We suspended his ankle rather badly, sir.
23:51He won't be able to walk for a week.
23:52My career's in ruins.
23:54Ruins!
23:55We'll have to cancel the show, sir.
23:56We can't.
23:57The supremo's here in a couple of hours.
23:58Well, how are we going to do the show without a leading lady, sir?
24:01Well, couldn't we use a real woman, sir?
24:05Look, I hold you responsible for this, Sergeant Major.
24:07You got us into this mess, and you jolly well get us out of it.
24:09I don't mind what you do, but just fix it, and that is an order.
24:11Come along, Ashford.
24:13This is a lovely way.
24:24Show seems to be going well, Ashford.
24:26Absolutely first class.
24:28Are you enjoying the show, sir?
24:30Oh, interesting, yes.
24:31Yes, very interesting.
24:33Keen on paper-telling, are you, sir?
24:36I don't think I've ever seen anything like that before.
24:40I think my friend Noel would certainly find it very amusing.
24:43Your friend Noel?
24:44Yes, of course.
24:45And your cousin?
24:46Cousin?
24:47What cousin?
24:48Oh, oh, oh.
24:49Yes, she's very fond of theatricals.
24:51It's like having me tonight in Dixie.
24:55The whole thing's a travesty.
24:58Never mind, the show must go on.
25:00Randy, stand by to turn the mic on.
25:02Roger.
25:02Stand by to turn mic on, sir.
25:04Hey, valla!
25:13Swing high, swing low, Nick, sir.
25:17Oh, really?
25:18Had a bit of trouble with the girl on the swing.
25:20What, you personally?
25:21Not me personally, sir.
25:24Oh, that's all right, then, sir.
25:26That was, that was Gunnar Evans tearing them up.
25:30And now Gunnar Sogdon would tear you up with swing high, swing low.
25:35Randy, you're pulling the curtains the wrong way.
25:37Oh, sorry, pal.
25:37Swing high, swing low, swing to, swing fro.
25:48The way they set wedding bells swinging, you'll know.
25:52In rhythmic rhyme, keep tune and time.
25:56As though you were ringing your bridal chime.
26:03The way they set wedding bells swinging, you'll know.
26:06In rhythmic rhyme, keep tune and time.
26:10As though you were ringing your bridal chime.
26:14You know, there's an old Hindu proverb which say
26:17that if you are pushing a lady on a swing
26:20who is singing in high voice,
26:22you must be careful that the swing does not come back and hit you.
26:25Or else you also will be singing in high voice.
26:29Here's an old HindurÀnks.
26:29Here we go.
26:29Thank God.
26:30Thank God.
26:31Thank God.
26:32APPLAUSE
26:37.
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