Ghosts Australia by BRITCOM I - Dailymotion

BRITCOM I

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00:00You

00:30Finally, by order of the king, I hereby claim the master bedroom.

00:37A good captain needs good quarters, so I'm sure we can all agree that I deserve the biggest room.

00:42Absolutely not. I belong upstairs. Not to be rude, but you all reek of downstairs.

00:46Oi! Gideon was dead here first, right? So what he says goes.

00:49Guys, stop arguing. A bit insensitive. This is a horrible way to die.

00:53Better than watching your six brothers waste away to nothing and the great hunger leaking from every opening.

00:58Now let it go, woman.

00:59How are you guys not more upset? We've been living for 30 years in this house with old men.

01:04What's the name of the man?

01:06Like a duck!

01:07He lives again.

01:08Yes! That's it! Get physical! Activate those fingers!

01:12Yes, push! You can do it! You can live!

01:16He's dead again.

01:17My father had a beautiful saying about death.

01:26Sintilating as always, June.

01:28Greetings!

01:28Hello!

01:29Hello!

01:29G'day, mate.

01:30Who are you people?

01:31My good ma'am, fear not. We are the spectral denizens of this abode.

01:35Oh, just say ghosts.

01:36We're ghosts.

01:37We are all ghosts, and I am their beloved leader.

01:40You're a turnip.

01:41Unfortunately, old boy, as the newest ghost, you shall have to relinquish your sleeping quotas and support my claim for the...

01:48Say hi to my dad for me.

01:52We'll never forget you.

01:54I want to say Alan.

01:55That bedroom is mine!

01:58Daddy built it for me!

01:59I guess we got the place all to ourselves again.

02:01Ah, well, back to work.

02:04Jazz's eyes?

02:05It's only a small studio, so one couple at a time, please.

02:12Thanks so much. Let me know if you want a contract.

02:14Hi.

02:15Hi.

02:16Hi.

02:17Hi.

02:18Hi.

02:19The auction is next week if you're getting finance organised.

02:21Great.

02:22There's a flyer. Come on through.

02:23Thanks.

02:24Oh, it's got a window, so already better than the other 13 places.

02:27Sorry, just about this situation. Isn't there a rule about the distance between kitchen and toilet?

02:34As long as the toilet has a door, you are fine.

02:36It doesn't have a door.

02:37Well, perfect job for hubby, isn't it?

02:39We're not married. I wouldn't tell the bank that.

02:41Yeah.

02:42But, you know, I could just put up a wall and maybe a door.

02:47Could you not touch anything, please?

02:50Oh, the mushrooms are not edible, just FYI.

02:53Oh!

02:54It's pretty murdery.

02:59And mushroomy.

03:00Yeah.

03:01It's the only thing in our price range.

03:05We can make it work.

03:06We can do it.

03:07Because the main thing is that it's you and me together.

03:09No one else.

03:12And it comes with three houseplants.

03:14Three houseplants.

03:16Like a broker.

03:18Hello, this is Kate.

03:19Hi, Kate.

03:20I'm the executor currently handling the estate of your great uncle, Alfred.

03:23Great uncle who?

03:24Hmm?

03:25As his next of kin, the good news is that you've inherited a rather large property.

03:29The bad news is that it's a million miles from anywhere.

03:33Okay, a couple days tops, yeah?

03:35Because I really have to be back at work first thing Monday.

03:38Oh, same.

03:39We'll just check out my inheritance and we'll see what we're dealing with.

03:41Mm-hmm.

03:44Oh, my.

03:46It's huge.

03:49What?

03:51What is this place?

03:54Kate, this is crazy.

03:57What's the catch?

03:58I mean, there's gotta be a catch.

04:00Oi, boss.

04:01Just say shotgun.

04:02What?

04:03Just say shotgun.

04:04Shotgun.

04:05Find another room.

04:06I can stay frozen in place for years.

04:08You've never worn a corset.

04:09Your joints have never been crystallized with gout.

04:12Two breathers just pulled up in a shiny carriage.

04:15Can you assure you're the only living relative?

04:18That's what they said.

04:19What?

04:21Look at this place.

04:22It's incredible.

04:23Hey, um, for the record, I fell in love with you way before I found out you're from old money.

04:28I smell invasion.

04:31Aye, that would be yourself.

04:48Are you serious?

04:55Okay.

04:56No way.

04:59That's a lot of stuff.

05:01A lot of stuff.

05:02A lot of stuff.

05:03On the upside, no mushrooms.

05:05That we can see.

05:15Okay, gonna take a stab here.

05:16Great Uncle Alfred didn't get out much.

05:17Alfred, not Alan.

05:19This house must have a crazy history.

05:22Any reception?

05:24No bars.

05:25No bars.

05:26There was a bar at once, but some hoity-toity family had notions and got rid of it.

05:30Yes, well, when you have an education, you don't need to be sloshed to get through each and every day.

05:34Okay, go.

05:36Oh, no, no.

05:37Come on, you might watch pictures.

05:38Oh, can we not do that?

05:39It's actually kind of relaxing being 300 Ks away.

05:41Am I terrible?

05:42I mean, yes, but you're allowed to be terrible now because you're an heiress.

05:47Heiress?

05:48I'm basically Paris Hilton.

05:49She's certainly not from Paris.

05:50I stayed at a Hilton once.

05:51Well, mostly in the cupboard hiding from my boyfriend's wife.

05:54What is the meaning of this?

05:55Free house dance.

05:59Stop that right now!

06:00Not in my house!

06:02My ears!

06:03My eyes!

06:04My people!

06:05All right, let's pick a bedroom.

06:11Yeah.

06:12Should be easy.

06:13There's only, like, 50 to choose from.

06:17Yeah.

06:18Yeah, I'm calling it.

06:20This bedroom has the least haunted housework.

06:21Get out, you interlopers!

06:23I reckon that's giving honeymoon, sweet.

06:25Honeymoon?

06:26I don't see a ring.

06:27Trollope?

06:28She may have taken a lanky lover, but she will not take this bedroom.

06:31Ah!

06:34You all right, boss?

06:35Been a while since you've been through.

06:36It's like dysentery with a side of a saddle saw.

06:38Where'd she get you?

06:39Everywhere.

06:41Oh, I think the power's out up here.

06:43Can you check the fuse box?

06:44Fuse box?

06:45Yeah, yeah.

06:46Thanks, babe.

06:47Yeah.

06:48Where to find fuse box?

06:50Check your garage for the circuit breaker or fuse box.

06:53It might also be in the storage room, utility room, basement or hallway.

07:01ERIE

07:14quá!

07:15No, he can't not, no!

07:17HURP AND MUSIC

07:18As I say, with my little eyes, I'm finished beginning with B!

07:22What's a B?

07:23We're a literate, mate.

07:24Can we do colours instead?

07:25Oh yeah.

07:26Well, I'm colour blind.

07:27I'm mostly blind.

07:28Ooooh, I can sing.

07:29Ooooh!

07:30hey hey yeah so the fuse box is pretty busted I might have to call a professional good for

07:51nothing blabbermouth reminds me of me husband do you know if spiders can lay eggs in hair

07:55honestly looks fine yeah can you believe you're actually gonna buy that little stinkhole yeah

07:59now we get to sell this big stink hole and buy a less stinky hole in the city wait they're selling

08:03I mean it's not really a stink hole Sean I mean look at it I reckon it was probably a guest house

08:06back in the day I myself I run it single-handed not that you'll hear me complaining I always hear

08:11you complaining that'd be fun right like running a little guest house back breaking labor so it was

08:16meeting people from all over leaning up there shite crazy but I think you're taking this Paris Hilton

08:21thing a bit far I don't know if you did a chuck out and patch a few cracks I reckon this place

08:24could be a thing yeah I think that we sell she's wanting to stay for good Egypt just hasn't tweaked

08:28sure as a house for two people bit extra but as a hotel and hotel never-ending hordes of

08:35breathers infesting our eternal quarters no the invaders cannot be tolerated we haunt them out

08:41how goes the drills I need your powers at full strength sorry boss I'm pretty rusty I try harder

08:48man as you motorized bicyclists say it's time to defend your lawn yeah it's turf but you know I'll get

08:54done don't worry lindy yes you see what you can achieve when you're not just flailing about william

09:00nilliam do we have to taste them out they're in love and not to be selfish but I'm kind of into

09:05hotels that's where single men go to dive sadness you'll experience sadness when hotel guests are

09:09thrumming you day and night don't be listening to that wig wearing nanny moggins he's just wanting

09:14them out to the big bedroom June have you ascertained your supernatural power yet

09:19I'll take that as a no Miranda now you'll do your little thing to lower the temperature of the

09:28we've only been training for five minutes woman training is for racehorses and servants Gideon

09:33make me for the haunting super play

09:35yes that's the kind of supernatural rage we need we strike at midnight

10:05oh sterling workman she's mildly rattled but I'm naked for that

10:35I feel like I just got back from mad Monday

10:37hey Miranda freeze the room with your cold dead heart

10:41Lindy what keeps you when I was seven I caught up Stacey Hempel's tap shoes right before the

10:54Foster's Lager talent show and karmically this feels the same

10:56dead people don't need to worry about karma you should be more worried about disappointing

11:00your social betters come on Sean Sean Sean did you fix the fuse box yeah keep going

11:12oh it's freezing but it's so nice and quiet

11:31oh

11:33oh

11:43oh

11:45oh

11:49oh

11:51oh

11:53oh

12:09with every breath she grows more attached to my land

12:13land

12:25come on Eileen bit of property I was here first he's the one who got his jeggy toxic

12:30hey hey hey um so I've been thinking um what if we stayed here like permanently what what

12:39what what

12:40I'm not going to say I told you so

12:41that's good thank you

12:42I told you so

12:43I thought you were joking you were joking right

12:44no does it sound like I'm joking

12:46talking back men do not love that

12:48your mum is in the city our mates are in the city

12:51the last time I floated remote work with Rahim he got a nosebleed both nostrils

12:54yeah well you know what I'm actually just really over it

12:56I'm sick of working 16 hour days in a firm full of old men who see me as a diversity hire of someone to grope at work drinks

13:02babe take it as a compliment

13:03you know Brad the douche got a promotion and I got asked to do a welcome to country for his new client

13:07I don't want to do it anymore

13:09Kate the answer is surely just to quit your job not to move to the middle of nowhere

13:13try being shipwrecked off the coast of our demons land using your cousin's corpse as a life raft

13:18well like what if it was you know like what if we just like started a hotel together

13:22a hotel

13:24what you don't want to like run a little boutique hotel with me

13:27Kate you know nothing about hotels I know nothing about hotels

13:29it'll be fun

13:30this house is a wreck it's literally falling apart there is mold on every single surface

13:34I'm doing all I can

13:36it's an escape room

13:37you love escape rooms

13:38okay that was a really bad example

13:40it's a house of horrors

13:41the plumbing was literally screaming at me there's no electricity

13:44Sean there is definitely electricity you just need to go fix the fuse box

13:47what fuse box I walked all around this creepy old spider infested house and I couldn't find it

13:52maybe this house doesn't have a fuse box it was built in what like 372 BC

13:57maybe it doesn't have one

13:59Sean

14:00Sean

14:01worst shower ever

14:02okay that seemed bad but when they make up there's a lot of tension to unpack in the bedroom

14:07I spy with my little eye something the colour of

14:21a

14:23a

14:24a woman

14:25this game's getting pretty abstract

14:27oh well we got here then

14:29she's new

14:30she's pretty

14:31hello

14:35oh

14:40oh

14:41she's vulnerable

14:45we'll never have a better chance to strike

14:48oh

14:49well it feels like a bit of a dog act don't you reckon boss

14:51dogs don't act they follow orders now be a good boy and do as I say

14:54oi governor

14:55why didn't you leave the young lady alone

14:57oh that's a good idea thank you why don't you shut up

14:59yeah shut up

15:00shame out

15:01oh sorry it won't happen again

15:02convicts

15:07hey boss you know when the old bloke carked it did you feel like not

15:10not

15:11um

15:12good

15:13right

15:14of course not

15:15me english suppress everything including emotions

15:17and you're dead inside from all the violence and depravity of your illegal profession

15:20that's what makes you the perfect subordinate

15:22I've been called a lot of things in my time

15:25but never

15:27have I been called perfect

15:29now stop asking existential questions and attack

15:32yes boss

15:33just a little push

15:40bit more push

15:42much bigger push

15:46push back

15:48yeah

15:51yeah

15:52she's died

15:54one of us

15:56what was that

15:57you good babe

15:58Kate

15:59Kate

16:00no no no don't move don't move don't move

16:03calling the ambulance please don't move

16:05it's not possible

16:07I've got you. Ambulance.

16:11Hi, my girlfriend's had a fall and, um, hey, hey, Kate.

16:14Oh, jeez, I think she's hit her head. Stay with me. Stay with me. Kate.

16:25Will that pansy ever stop wailing?

16:30Your wife's dead. Get over it. You'll find another woman.

16:37Sorry, mate.

16:45What's with the wind in your great leaky boat?

16:49I didn't mean to kill her.

16:51Oh, well, she might not be dead.

16:55She might just be a potato, like my cousin Patrick after he fell down the well.

17:00What's got into you? I thought you were after meaming dozens of people.

17:04Oh, yeah. Heaps, but, you know.

17:06Well, if they deserved it.

17:08You know, like if one of the boys ratted us out to the cops or smiled at a group photo or something, but she didn't do anything.

17:15I was just following orders and doing what Gideon said.

17:19You're always doing what Gideon says.

17:22May as well have his leaky teeth in your mouth, sucking on his mother's milk.

17:25What?

17:26Look, son. Life is hard.

17:28Death is hard, too.

17:30It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

17:40You've just got to suck it up and keep going.

17:44And going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going.

17:49Look now.

17:50If you must cry, then do it quietly.

17:53Like a woman.

17:54Like that.

18:09Here, have a go at it yourself.

18:12I reckon I'm alright now.

18:13Right you are, son.

18:17Hey, so I reckon maybe no one needs to hear about this.

18:20Ever.

18:21Just...

18:22Oh, hey, hey.

18:39Hey, you're awake.

18:41Hey.

18:43How long have I been here?

18:44Three days.

18:45You had a bonk on your head.

18:47You've been in and out, but the doctors say you're going to be fine.

18:50How are you feeling?

18:51Were you just trying to brush my teeth?

18:53Yeah, well, your breath was getting a little stinky, and I know how much you prioritise dental hygiene.

19:01Kate.

19:01I am so, so sorry.

19:04I should have just sorted that stupid fuse box.

19:08No, no, no.

19:08No, it's not your fault.

19:10I can't just expect you to become a country bumpkin on a whim.

19:12You love co-working spaces, and bike lanes, and specialty coffee.

19:19I don't want to take that away from you.

19:20Well, Kate, I just had the scariest 72 hours of my life to realise that I love you way more than any of those excellent things.

19:34I love that you have these big ideas, and you actually act on them, and that is rare.

19:37So, if you want us to become country bumpkins, and run a hotel, I'm in.

19:46Really?

19:47Mm-hmm.

19:47I say, quit your job, and let's do it.

19:51Sure.

19:52Oh, fuck.

19:55Oh, fuck.

19:56Oh, fuck.

20:04Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

20:07Ride to your manor, Miss Hilton?

20:09I can't believe I missed the make-up scene.

20:11This is just like when I forgot to tape Scott and Charlene's wedding on Neighbours, and now I just have to imagine it forever.

20:15Oh!

20:21Yeah, okay, great.

20:22Thank you so much.

20:23That is amazing.

20:25Oh, hey, mate.

20:26If you're looking for the fuse box, it's back there in the workshop.

20:31Sean, where you at?

20:32In the library.

20:37Oh, balls.

20:39Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

20:41Oh, she can see me!

20:42The breather can see me!

20:43That electrician's a bit sketchy.

20:45Where'd you find him?

20:45The dark web.

20:46Hmm?

20:47Oh, hey, Kate, I was wondering, can this be my home office?

20:50Because that, there, as a Zoom background, sick.

20:53Well, yes, you can, because the bank just approved our business loan, and we are now entrepreneurs with a buck-ton of debt, baby!

20:59Yeah, yes, adulting!

21:00Am I crazy to want this?

21:02No, but only because it's not cool to call a woman crazy.

21:04I reckon we can do this.

21:05You're right, she can see us.

21:08She's looking at me.

21:09Could just be a lazy, eh?

21:11Or a two.

21:12Oh, no, she's terrified.

21:14Don't be scared.

21:15Sure.

21:16Will you go sketchy?

21:16I'm looking for my gold.

21:18Have you seen a gold mammoth?

21:20It's going to be you, young lady.

21:21I regret to inform your bedroom is already taken.

21:24Ah!

21:25Ah!

Ghosts Australia S01E01 (2025)

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Ghosts Australia

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