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00:00Kate! What's going on?
00:05Nothing! Just need a minute!
00:07Kate, it's me, Lindy Darwin-Paul from Wake Up Australia!
00:13In the flesh!
00:14No, no, no, no!
00:15Well, not in the flesh exactly, but hey, no, you'll remember this!
00:17Okay, um, hello exercise, bye-bye, thunder thighs!
00:20Remember?
00:21Oh, babe, no, you can't walk through stuff.
00:23That's a dead person thing.
00:24Good news is, she can see us.
00:26Bad news is, she didn't recognise me.
00:28How is that bad news?
00:29How is that news?
00:30Splendid!
00:31Now we shall simply parlay with this woman on who lives where, as in we stay and she goes.
00:35Where?
00:36To one of her other properties.
00:37As an arrest, she'll have several.
00:38Guys, why are we so obsessed with making her leave?
00:40Now we can finally find out all the important stuff that's happened since we died!
00:44Like, did Freddie Mercury ever settle down with a nice girl?
00:47And is Princess Diana the Queen we all knew she would be?
00:50Are Kylie and Jason still together?
00:51Oh my god, did the Cold War ever get hot?
00:53Was War 2K a thing?
00:54Did literally everybody do the locomotion?
00:56Or just some people?
00:58Yeah.
00:59Be ashamed about her right now, boss.
01:00Says the heartless boot who kicked her into a coma.
01:03Under the instruction of a complete modern head.
01:05Guys, I'm happy to be our official ghost-to-breather liaison.
01:09Look at you, the authority.
01:11You're not in the clergy.
01:12Or an admiral.
01:13Or the emperor of Australia.
01:15Okay, learning moment.
01:16Um, guys, people these days respect celebrities.
01:19What's a celebrity?
01:20Someone who's been on telly.
01:21Or the internet.
01:22What's a telly?
01:23Or the internet.
01:24Someone who's been on.
01:25Ghosts?
01:26Like, like actual ghosts?
01:27Yeah.
01:28Let's go lie down in your bed at the hospital.
01:30I'm sure it's just the drugs coming out of my system.
01:31Well, like concussion.
01:32But they say it's best to stay awake, so.
01:33Oh.
01:34Oh, hey, don't worry.
01:35I totally forgive you.
01:36I mean, it must be super weird seeing a ghost.
01:38Especially a famous one.
01:39You're intimidated, right?
01:41Yeah.
01:42I was intimidated when I met Ralph Harris.
01:43But then he was like, wobble, wobble.
01:44And I was like, wah!
01:45He's harmless.
01:46This is a nightmare.
01:47We need to be ruthless.
01:48So red is Chuck and green is Keith.
01:50Do you mind just starting over there?
01:51I can imagine it brings up all kinds of feelings.
01:53You know, fear, gratitude, arousal.
01:56Hey Kate, you sure you're all good?
01:58Stop worrying.
01:59I just need you to help me with this.
02:00Let's focus on the task at hand.
02:01Hey Kate, I lost a gold nugget somewhere in the house.
02:04So small favour, could you pull up all the floorboards?
02:08This is June.
02:09He's a miner.
02:10Oh, the digging kind.
02:11Not like a ghost kid.
02:12That would be sad.
02:13It's like a kid down the mines.
02:14Thank God those child labour days are over, right?
02:16Hey, where do they make clutes now?
02:18Kate, are you okay?
02:19Because disco ain't, you know?
02:21No, I'm totes fine.
02:22We just need to not get distracted by anyone.
02:24As in by you?
02:26Yes.
02:27Yes, because there's no one else here, obviously.
02:28Well, I'm here and June's here and we're all going to be best friends.
02:31Hey, should we make a blood pact?
02:33Best friends, brother.
02:39Oh, good.
02:40A corpse bride.
02:41I beg your pardon.
02:42My name is Miranda Persephone Bathsheba Munchen, but I will also respond to Miranda.
02:46You are not real.
02:47I'm hallucinating.
02:48Oh, yes.
02:49One of my old servants used to talk to herself.
02:51Idiocy, they called it.
02:53Actually, she had your hair.
02:55It's just internalised racism.
02:56I'm a writer, you see.
02:58Unlike Miles Franklin, except without all that tiresome feminism.
03:01Internalised misogyny.
03:03And you will have the honour of scribing my debut novel.
03:06Very exciting.
03:07I'll dictate and you type.
03:09Yes?
03:10You are literate, aren't you?
03:14Oi!
03:15Hey, no, hey, come back.
03:16Listen, listen.
03:17I just want to talk to you, alright?
03:18John!
03:19Hey, you can't hear ya.
03:20Me and the boys soundproofed the place back in the 90s.
03:21Just so the neighbours couldn't hear the screaming.
03:23Oh.
03:24From the game nights.
03:25Karaoke, Yahtzee, murder mystery parties.
03:28Oh.
03:29And the murders.
03:30Hey, listen, listen, alright?
03:32I don't need an apology or nothing,
03:34but you overreacting and going to the hospital,
03:36that was a bit much.
03:37Get out of the way!
03:38I'm trying to tell ya, I'm not gonna hurt ya.
03:41I'm barely even here.
03:42I'm made up of, like, dead air and that.
03:44You could walk straight through me and you wouldn't even feel it.
03:46I walked straight into that one.
03:51Alright, we're even now, yeah?
03:55Now, you.
03:56It's Kate.
03:57Kathy?
03:58Kate!
03:59Kathy, you must understand that we mean you no harm.
04:00We simply wanted you to leave and never come back.
04:02Now, as leader.
04:03And who are you supposed to be?
04:04Captain Cooked?
04:05Cook?
04:06James Cook?
04:07The only thing he cooked was his resume.
04:08Man couldn't navigate his way out of a puddle.
04:10Now, in regards to that little bump on your head,
04:12as leader of the ghosts,
04:13it is my responsibility to ensure that Satan takes full responsibility.
04:17Satan?
04:18The Prince of Darkness?
04:20No, my leather-bound first mate with the underbite in the skin of a pirate.
04:24Although his real name is Brian,
04:25but I don't believe in changing names willy-nilly,
04:27not in my New Holland.
04:29Dismissed?
04:32Am I, like, too tough?
04:34Okay.
04:35I'm too tough, hey?
04:36So she didn't recognise me?
04:37That's fine.
04:38I mean, she's only one woman,
04:39unemployed, on the verge of a mental breakdown,
04:41just at my exact target market.
04:43I mean, I could tell from her elbows that she hadn't done my workouts,
04:45but, like, what about my cookbook?
04:47And my Christmas cookbook?
04:48And my after-Christmas diet cookbook?
04:50Lynch, mate, she wasn't even born when you kicked the bucket.
04:52Buying really derailed my career, huh?
04:54But at least I reached my goal weight.
04:55I'm zero kilos.
04:58Wait.
04:59That's the tape of my show.
05:00Tape?
05:01Who tapes Bricky TV?
05:03Um, two million people tuned in to Wake Up Australia every morning,
05:06many because of my segments,
05:07like Smoke Your Way to Skinny.
05:08We helped so many new mums.
05:10Oh, I'd murder a dud.
05:14Oh, Kate needs to see this tape.
05:16It proves my icon status.
05:18You take, you take it to, you take it to Kate, sir.
05:21Yes, let's go, let's, let's take it to Kate.
05:22Off we go.
05:23We are taking it to Kate, aren't we?
05:33Don't worry, it's not blood.
05:35It's after birth.
05:36It's after birth.
05:37I pushed the baby out right there.
05:39My tenth there was so little bugger practically walked out.
05:43You'll be wanting at least seven if you're staff in a hotel.
05:46Twelve if they finally put in that railroad.
05:49Oh, yes, I can see you're scared.
05:52Mothering is hard.
05:54But after a few, it just gets hotter.
05:58Let's say a little prayer now, shall we?
06:03Holy Father above, let's Kate and her eejit of a husband
06:07with a pitter patter of little tratters,
06:09sow her womb with the seeds of life.
06:12Hey, nice PJs.
06:22No, absolutely not.
06:23Out.
06:24Kate, your husband took something very important to me
06:26and threw it away.
06:27You're not married.
06:28Did I ask?
06:29Kate, mirrors don't work for us anymore.
06:31Am I still Chinese?
06:32What do I look like?
06:33You're very handsome.
06:34Uh, thank you.
06:35Now about my novel, any other room, my bedroom, go.
06:37Look, I don't know what Tash has told you about me,
06:39but my divorce isn't final yet.
06:41What?
06:42Great, you met Lewis.
06:43Wait, is there a Lewis that you can see too?
06:45He's hooking up the NBN.
06:47Oh.
06:48Oh, hi.
06:49Hi, Lewis.
06:50Hi.
06:51Hi.
06:52I'm so sorry.
06:53I haven't slept very well, so I'm a little bit frazzled.
06:54Yeah, nah, it's all right.
06:55Look, your two changes are all the same.
06:57You move to the country with dreams of growing your own food
06:59and making your own clothes, and then you get bored.
07:01Then one night, you drink too much,
07:03and one of you say,
07:04maybe we should open things up.
07:05Ooh.
07:06No, no, no.
07:07Not what I meant.
07:08You all have fantasies about the hot NBN guy.
07:10Kate, what's happening?
07:11I don't know.
07:12You threw out my tape.
07:13He complimented me on my pyjamas.
07:14I assumed that he was a-
07:15A man of taste.
07:16Yeah, I am.
07:17Because I'm an interior designer.
07:18Where?
07:19And I'm a plumber.
07:20Oh.
07:21And a chippy, and a sparky, and a landscaper, and a roofer.
07:23Which you would know if you'd ask one single question about me
07:26before trying to get into my tool bag.
07:28Ah.
07:31But no thank you.
07:32Um.
07:33Well, that's what you get for throwing out my tape.
07:35Because the highest rate of data is within a hundred kilometers.
07:38Lewis.
07:39What is happening right now?
07:40This mirror is crazy.
07:41It's not a mirror, you luddite.
07:42It's a time machine.
07:43Like the time machine from the novel.
07:44The Time Machine.
07:45They're all back to the future.
07:46You can't go back to the future.
07:48Why not?
07:49Maybe if you don't understand the genre, you shouldn't participate in the conversation,
07:52yeah?
07:53Mate, you're not smiling at me because you read a book.
07:54It's called a novel.
07:55Kate, I understand if you have to ignore me in front of the general public, my last boyfriend
07:58did the same.
07:59But now the general public is gone, so I wondered if we could be best friends already.
08:02Coffee?
08:03Take me back to hospital.
08:04Good plan.
08:05Everyone wants a famous friend, don't they?
08:06Stop touching the time machine.
08:07Don't you?
08:08Kate?
08:11We'll talk to a doctor.
08:12I'm sure this sort of thing happens all the time.
08:14What, people are just suddenly hounded by needy ghosts?
08:17What if the doctor fixes her brain and then she can't see us anymore?
08:19Well then we'll unfix her brain.
08:21How?
08:22I'll get Satan to push her over as many times as necessary.
08:24Aren't you guys excited to, like, meet somebody new?
08:28That girline isn't gonna be your friend.
08:30She's young and alive, you're old and dear.
08:33Now the key will be to run at it at speed.
08:35I mean, I never get to have any female friends because they're always so jealous of me because
08:38of the way that I...
08:39What are you doing?
08:40I'm going back to the past to tell my past self not to lose my gold.
08:42But why are you walking backwards?
08:43Because I go back to the past.
08:45No, you go back to the future.
08:47Ah!
08:48Satan!
08:49We have been over this.
08:50I got two callbacks for young talent time.
08:52I was nominated for best new talent.
08:54Please calm yourself.
08:55I'm trying to count my candlelight.
08:57Lindy, here I go.
08:58The electricity!
08:59Back to the gold mine.
09:00Bye everyone!
09:01I'm on the cover of TV Weeks magazine!
09:03Careful!
09:04Now look what you've done.
09:05June could be lost in the past forever.
09:07I'm sorry.
09:08June!
09:09You in the past mate?
09:11I'm in some kind of teacup bowl cave.
09:14Yeah, I'm 90% sure he's in the kitchen.
09:21I'm sure it's just a concussion or maybe the stress of living with my boyfriend for the first time or sudden home ownership.
09:26But I'm seeing people from different time periods and they want things from me all the time, all day.
09:32Now, there's no need to get hysterical.
09:35Excuse me?
09:36It seems the accident brought you so close to death that you gained the ability to see dead people.
09:41Oh!
09:42So that's like an actual diagnosable, like a medical condition.
09:44No, not exactly.
09:45Listen sweetheart, like I told my wife, you need to calm down and listen while a man is talking.
09:51Sorry to keep you.
09:56I'm Dr. Green.
09:57Don't worry.
09:58She's good.
09:59For a woman.
10:00So, what seems to be a problem?
10:03In terms of your CT scan, everything looks fine.
10:07Sorry, you did.
10:10Move, move, move those boxes!
10:12Keep it from the pelvis, just like Elvis!
10:14Come on big boy!
10:15You can do it!
10:17Find the tape!
10:18Why do you want this tape so bad?
10:19Because if I wasn't famous, then who am I?
10:24I just feel like I don't have any friends in the house.
10:27You know, Mum and I were so close, we shared everything.
10:30Dreams, clothes, men.
10:32What?
10:33With Eileen, there's a generation gap, I mean there's like ten gaps.
10:36And with Miranda, she has, how do I say this?
10:38Stick up her arse.
10:39No, that's mean.
10:40Although maybe that would be helpful, but she has terrible posture.
10:45Maybe I'm just not best friend material.
10:49What are you talking about?
10:50You're fit.
10:51Ugh.
10:52Pretty hot.
10:53Yeah.
10:54And those are really important best friend qualities.
10:56But I just feel like maybe I wasn't important to anyone.
11:00You know, I wasn't a third commander like Gideon or a wife or a mum.
11:05Yet.
11:06You weren't a mum yet.
11:09Satan, with the amount of Chardonnay I had for breakfast, I was never going to be a mum.
11:13Drunk people have kids all the time.
11:14Look at Eileen, she's got like 30 of them.
11:16I just mean like, I feel like I don't have a best friend that I can talk to in the house.
11:21And forever feels like a really long time to not have a best friend.
11:27Um.
11:28I mean, you can talk to me, Lindy.
11:29We're mates.
11:30Satan, everyone knows that men and women can't be friends.
11:31Someone always falls in love eventually.
11:32Yeah, yeah.
11:33Yeah, eventually.
11:34It's a universal fact.
11:35Like how women can't drive and men shouldn't be left alone with children.
11:39Oh.
11:40I don't know.
11:41That's a bit harsh, don't you think?
11:42Some women can drive.
11:43Yeah, legally.
11:44Yeah.
11:45Yeah, legally.
11:46Yeah.
11:47Yeah.
11:48Yeah.
11:49Yeah.
11:50Yeah.
11:51Yeah.
11:52Yeah.
11:53Yeah.
11:54Yeah.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Yeah.
11:57Yeah.
11:58Yeah.
11:59Yeah.
12:00Yeah.
12:01Yeah.
12:02Yeah.
12:03Yeah.
12:04And.
12:09Oh, no.
12:10Oh, hey.
12:12How'd you go?
12:13You cured?
12:14No.
12:17I'm crazy!
12:19Ahahahah!
12:22Can we get out of here?
12:24Yeah?
12:25Yeah, come on.
12:26Let's go.
12:28Hey.
12:29What happened?
12:31No pills! Do you have any pills?
12:39I know! Stop!
12:51OK, so...
12:53dead people everywhere?
12:55Yep. With horrific injuries.
12:57What? Kate, that's awful.
12:59Are they, like...
13:00evil?
13:02Well, one of the ones in there is literally Captain Cook's frenemy, so...
13:05Is there any mob? Like, like, can you see any ancestors?
13:08No. I can't.
13:10Oh! What?
13:11What?
13:11It's the hot Chinese, my nun.
13:13OK, you didn't mention he was hot.
13:15Yeah, well, he's also a pantless.
13:16What?
13:17And he's... Ooh, yep, he's right up in my face.
13:19Can you come fix the time machine? I just ended up in the kitchen.
13:22Um, can't they just walk through windows?
13:25Yeah, I don't know why I did that.
13:28Sean, what are we going to do?
13:29OK, you know what? We just... we... we just leave the house, yeah?
13:33And we'll deal with all that horrible loan stuff later.
13:40No.
13:41This is my house, Sean.
13:43I'm not leaving.
13:44So they have to.
13:46Yeah. Yeah.
13:47Yeah, oh, you know what?
13:49Why don't we call your mum and we can do, like, a smoking ceremony,
13:52like she did with Uncle Tony last year,
13:53and she can just smoke out the bad spirits
13:55and now that I'm looking at you, maybe not.
13:58No.
13:59No.
14:00I don't want to get mum involved, Sean.
14:02Also, I'm not from here, so it's really not our place.
14:04Valuable teaching moment.
14:06But they don't know that.
14:08OK, I am giving you one hour to vacate the premises
14:15or I'm smoking you out.
14:16Mob rules.
14:20Why are you laughing?
14:21Charlene, that isn't how it works.
14:23Mother said ladies who smoke in public are strumpets.
14:25Are you kidding?
14:26Smoking looks cool, it burns calories,
14:28it helps you breathe shorter.
14:30It's, like, the only thing in life without a downside.
14:32I'm not smoking ciggies, I'm going to smoke you out of here.
14:34I wish you would stop talking about smoking.
14:37That was awesome.
14:39If it was that easy,
14:40I would have been sucked off after the fire of 1895.
14:43Wait, sucked off?
14:45Did the pantless guy say that?
14:46It's the process of ascending from this mortal realm
14:49to whatever lies above or below.
14:51Egypt.
14:52That's going down.
14:53Going down.
14:54Was this place a brothel?
14:56No.
14:56I, for a short time, it was.
14:58Yes.
14:58I am so in the dark.
14:59Bit of ghost logic, Kate.
15:01You stay where you die.
15:02And how you die.
15:03Oh, yes, I can see that.
15:05It was a misunderstanding.
15:06Hang on.
15:06So you are all stuck here?
15:08Do you think I would go have a date with these people otherwise?
15:11Stuck is a negative term.
15:12I'm honoured to stand guard over my land.
15:15Always was, always will be.
15:17That's why you'll always be a human kebab.
15:19Oh, I'd murder a kebab.
15:20Sorry!
15:22The electricity fritzes whenever I get upset.
15:24Or excited.
15:25Or horny.
15:26That still happens?
15:27Yeah, I still get stiffies.
15:27Yeah, everyone's saying that.
15:28You want to take a look?
15:29Speak for yourselves.
15:31My curtains are practically canvas.
15:32They repel all water.
15:34What, like a dry as a bone?
15:35Aye, as a bone.
15:37Dry as a bone.
15:40What's happening?
15:42Is it working?
15:42Yeah.
15:44Fixing the fuse box is a little tricky.
15:46The key is actually just remembering the order, which is easy because I've made it a dance.
15:49Okay, so it's yo knob, red knob, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, boom, boom, turn around, underground, lights are down.
15:56Oh, that's nonsense.
15:57Oh, they're just convicts.
16:01Spiders.
16:02Spiders.
16:03For some reason they prefer it down here.
16:04Don't ask.
16:05Why not?
16:06Oh, because I don't know.
16:08Sorry, I thought that was obvious.
16:08The dark reminds us of the shit.
16:10Such a magical time.
16:11I thought the conditions were awful.
16:13You've been talking to Gideon.
16:14He was third fleet.
16:15He would say that.
16:16Fake news.
16:17First fleet rules.
16:19Third fleet rules.
16:20First fleet rules.
16:22Third fleet rules.
16:23Hey, hurry up, hurry up.
16:24The spiders are sensing my fear.
16:25Okay, so follow me.
16:27So, I want to go.
16:29Yellow knob, red knob.
16:30Okay, yellow knob.
16:31Red knob.
16:32And then wiggle, wiggle.
16:34Is that necessary?
16:36Well, your uncle once sat in the dark for a month because he didn't wiggle.
16:39Okay, wiggle.
16:43Boom, boom.
16:44Boom, boom.
16:45Turn around.
16:47That one.
16:47Yes.
16:50Underground.
16:51That's it.
16:52Underground.
16:53And there you have it.
16:54Nice.
16:54Turn it off.
16:58Turn it off.
16:59How'd you do that?
17:00It's Lindy, right?
17:02Yes.
17:03Um.
17:04Turn it off.
17:05But you can just call me.
17:06This is my new best friend, Lindy.
17:08Wah!
17:10Mm.
17:11Mm.
17:12Are you alright?
17:12Mm.
17:13Yes.
17:14Good.
17:14I just, I feel so happy that I could die.
17:17Mm.
17:18Mm.
17:19Again.
17:19Problem was he wasn't going fast enough.
17:21That's what I said.
17:21That's why he ended up in the kitchen, not the past.
17:23Don't listen to me.
17:23Eww, 88 miles an hour.
17:25All right.
17:25Who wants to watch a bit of Wake Up Australia?
17:28Where's your telly?
17:29What do you think that is?
17:30Well, it's certainly not a time machine.
17:31Yeah, I told you that.
17:32Time machines look like cars.
17:33Oh.
17:34Sit down.
17:37Welcome to Pump and Dump, mummies.
17:39Just because you're stuck in the house doesn't mean you can't work out.
17:42Oh, my God.
17:43It's actually you.
17:44Whoa.
17:45You look great.
17:46You're welcome.
17:47Grab anything heavy.
17:48Your man's tinnies will do just fine.
17:50Oh.
17:50Oh, I know her.
17:51My mum had all her videos.
17:53I used to watch them all the time when my parents went to bed.
17:54And oh, my God.
17:55She's in the room, isn't she?
17:57There you go.
17:58And indeed, you were famous.
17:59The self-polluting young man.
18:01I know.
18:01And it's all I ever wanted.
18:03Until now.
18:04Now I want friendship as well.
18:05Hey, babe, can you tell her I was joking?
18:07I was joking.
18:08I was joking, obviously.
18:09It's so fine.
18:10Don't worry.
18:11You just made her afterlife.
18:12We both did.
18:12Actually, I thought it would get her sucked off.
18:25No.
18:26I will need an explanation for that at some point.
18:29We'll go around.
18:29We're marching like we're in the army.
18:32Just kidding.
18:33We're girls.
18:34We can't join.
18:35Pick up your knees, Cherie.
18:36I saw you have that cheesecake at lunch.
18:41Oh.
18:41And what happened?
18:45Uncle Alfred taped over you, sorry.
18:47No, please.
18:48It's all good.
18:49All right, Linz.
18:49We'll watch a family movie instead, yeah?
18:50Something like Scarface.
18:52Wait, wait, wait, wait.
18:52I want to see what happens.
18:53My goodness.
18:55That looks exactly like Daddy's Prize Marino.
18:57Prince William Bunty McDaniel.
19:00No, no, no.
19:01Change it.
19:01Is there anything on colonisation?
19:03What's that say?
19:04Colonoscopy.
19:05Oh, that'll be right up your alley.
19:06This is nice, isn't it?
19:07Yeah.
19:09Yeah.
19:10Yeah.
19:10Yeah.
19:10Yeah.
19:10Yeah.
19:10Yeah.
19:11Yeah.
19:11Yeah.
19:11Yeah.
19:20Sorry.
19:22Stage fright.
19:24No, they're not here.
19:25We're alone.
19:26Promise?
19:29Yeah.
19:30Promise.
19:32Mm.
19:32Mm.
19:36Hey, so Kate, I want to know all about your first patch.
19:39Mine was with my cousin Leslie.
19:41That's gross.
19:41That's gross.
19:41Can you please get out?
19:42No, it wasn't as bad as you think.
19:43We'd known each other our whole lives, so.
19:45Out.
19:46At least my flatmates had boundaries.
19:47I have boundaries.
19:48I just want to know how flexible Kate is.
19:49Out.
19:50Kate, I can't go.
19:51It's our first sleepover.
19:52Sleepover club.
19:53Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
19:55Sleepover club.
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