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00:00You
00:30Finally, by order of the king, I hereby claim the master bedroom.
00:37A good captain needs good quarters, so I'm sure we can all agree that I deserve the biggest room.
00:42Absolutely not. I belong upstairs. Not to be rude, but you all reek of downstairs.
00:46Oi! Gideon was dead here first, right? So what he says goes.
00:49Guys, stop arguing. A bit insensitive. This is a horrible way to die.
00:53Better than watching your six brothers waste away to nothing and the great hunger leaking from every opening.
00:58Now let it go, woman.
00:59How are you guys not more upset? We've been living for 30 years in this house with old men.
01:04What's the name of the man?
01:06Like a duck!
01:07He lives again.
01:08Yes! That's it! Get physical! Activate those fingers!
01:12Yes, push! You can do it! You can live!
01:16He's dead again.
01:17My father had a beautiful saying about death.
01:26Sintilating as always, June.
01:28Greetings!
01:28Hello!
01:29Hello!
01:29G'day, mate.
01:30Who are you people?
01:31My good ma'am, fear not. We are the spectral denizens of this abode.
01:35Oh, just say ghosts.
01:36We're ghosts.
01:37We are all ghosts, and I am their beloved leader.
01:40You're a turnip.
01:41Unfortunately, old boy, as the newest ghost, you shall have to relinquish your sleeping quotas and support my claim for the...
01:48Say hi to my dad for me.
01:52We'll never forget you.
01:54I want to say Alan.
01:55That bedroom is mine!
01:58Daddy built it for me!
01:59I guess we got the place all to ourselves again.
02:01Ah, well, back to work.
02:04Jazz's eyes?
02:05It's only a small studio, so one couple at a time, please.
02:12Thanks so much. Let me know if you want a contract.
02:14Hi.
02:15Hi.
02:16Hi.
02:17Hi.
02:18Hi.
02:19The auction is next week if you're getting finance organised.
02:21Great.
02:22There's a flyer. Come on through.
02:23Thanks.
02:24Oh, it's got a window, so already better than the other 13 places.
02:27Sorry, just about this situation. Isn't there a rule about the distance between kitchen and toilet?
02:34As long as the toilet has a door, you are fine.
02:36It doesn't have a door.
02:37Well, perfect job for hubby, isn't it?
02:39We're not married. I wouldn't tell the bank that.
02:41Yeah.
02:42But, you know, I could just put up a wall and maybe a door.
02:47Could you not touch anything, please?
02:50Oh, the mushrooms are not edible, just FYI.
02:53Oh!
02:54It's pretty murdery.
02:59And mushroomy.
03:00Yeah.
03:01It's the only thing in our price range.
03:05We can make it work.
03:06We can do it.
03:07Because the main thing is that it's you and me together.
03:09No one else.
03:12And it comes with three houseplants.
03:14Three houseplants.
03:16Like a broker.
03:18Hello, this is Kate.
03:19Hi, Kate.
03:20I'm the executor currently handling the estate of your great uncle, Alfred.
03:23Great uncle who?
03:24Hmm?
03:25As his next of kin, the good news is that you've inherited a rather large property.
03:29The bad news is that it's a million miles from anywhere.
03:33Okay, a couple days tops, yeah?
03:35Because I really have to be back at work first thing Monday.
03:38Oh, same.
03:39We'll just check out my inheritance and we'll see what we're dealing with.
03:41Mm-hmm.
03:44Oh, my.
03:46It's huge.
03:49What?
03:51What is this place?
03:54Kate, this is crazy.
03:57What's the catch?
03:58I mean, there's gotta be a catch.
04:00Oi, boss.
04:01Just say shotgun.
04:02What?
04:03Just say shotgun.
04:04Shotgun.
04:05Find another room.
04:06I can stay frozen in place for years.
04:08You've never worn a corset.
04:09Your joints have never been crystallized with gout.
04:12Two breathers just pulled up in a shiny carriage.
04:15Can you assure you're the only living relative?
04:18That's what they said.
04:19What?
04:21Look at this place.
04:22It's incredible.
04:23Hey, um, for the record, I fell in love with you way before I found out you're from old money.
04:28I smell invasion.
04:31Aye, that would be yourself.
04:48Are you serious?
04:55Okay.
04:56No way.
04:59That's a lot of stuff.
05:01A lot of stuff.
05:02A lot of stuff.
05:03On the upside, no mushrooms.
05:05That we can see.
05:15Okay, gonna take a stab here.
05:16Great Uncle Alfred didn't get out much.
05:17Alfred, not Alan.
05:19This house must have a crazy history.
05:22Any reception?
05:24No bars.
05:25No bars.
05:26There was a bar at once, but some hoity-toity family had notions and got rid of it.
05:30Yes, well, when you have an education, you don't need to be sloshed to get through each and every day.
05:34Okay, go.
05:36Oh, no, no.
05:37Come on, you might watch pictures.
05:38Oh, can we not do that?
05:39It's actually kind of relaxing being 300 Ks away.
05:41Am I terrible?
05:42I mean, yes, but you're allowed to be terrible now because you're an heiress.
05:47Heiress?
05:48I'm basically Paris Hilton.
05:49She's certainly not from Paris.
05:50I stayed at a Hilton once.
05:51Well, mostly in the cupboard hiding from my boyfriend's wife.
05:54What is the meaning of this?
05:55Free house dance.
05:59Stop that right now!
06:00Not in my house!
06:02My ears!
06:03My eyes!
06:04My people!
06:05All right, let's pick a bedroom.
06:11Yeah.
06:12Should be easy.
06:13There's only, like, 50 to choose from.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Yeah, I'm calling it.
06:20This bedroom has the least haunted housework.
06:21Get out, you interlopers!
06:23I reckon that's giving honeymoon, sweet.
06:25Honeymoon?
06:26I don't see a ring.
06:27Trollope?
06:28She may have taken a lanky lover, but she will not take this bedroom.
06:31Ah!
06:34You all right, boss?
06:35Been a while since you've been through.
06:36It's like dysentery with a side of a saddle saw.
06:38Where'd she get you?
06:39Everywhere.
06:41Oh, I think the power's out up here.
06:43Can you check the fuse box?
06:44Fuse box?
06:45Yeah, yeah.
06:46Thanks, babe.
06:47Yeah.
06:48Where to find fuse box?
06:50Check your garage for the circuit breaker or fuse box.
06:53It might also be in the storage room, utility room, basement or hallway.
07:01ERIE
07:14quá!
07:15No, he can't not, no!
07:17HURP AND MUSIC
07:18As I say, with my little eyes, I'm finished beginning with B!
07:22What's a B?
07:23We're a literate, mate.
07:24Can we do colours instead?
07:25Oh yeah.
07:26Well, I'm colour blind.
07:27I'm mostly blind.
07:28Ooooh, I can sing.
07:29Ooooh!
07:30hey hey yeah so the fuse box is pretty busted I might have to call a professional good for
07:51nothing blabbermouth reminds me of me husband do you know if spiders can lay eggs in hair
07:55honestly looks fine yeah can you believe you're actually gonna buy that little stinkhole yeah
07:59now we get to sell this big stink hole and buy a less stinky hole in the city wait they're selling
08:03I mean it's not really a stink hole Sean I mean look at it I reckon it was probably a guest house
08:06back in the day I myself I run it single-handed not that you'll hear me complaining I always hear
08:11you complaining that'd be fun right like running a little guest house back breaking labor so it was
08:16meeting people from all over leaning up there shite crazy but I think you're taking this Paris Hilton
08:21thing a bit far I don't know if you did a chuck out and patch a few cracks I reckon this place
08:24could be a thing yeah I think that we sell she's wanting to stay for good Egypt just hasn't tweaked
08:28sure as a house for two people bit extra but as a hotel and hotel never-ending hordes of
08:35breathers infesting our eternal quarters no the invaders cannot be tolerated we haunt them out
08:41how goes the drills I need your powers at full strength sorry boss I'm pretty rusty I try harder
08:48man as you motorized bicyclists say it's time to defend your lawn yeah it's turf but you know I'll get
08:54done don't worry lindy yes you see what you can achieve when you're not just flailing about william
09:00nilliam do we have to taste them out they're in love and not to be selfish but I'm kind of into
09:05hotels that's where single men go to dive sadness you'll experience sadness when hotel guests are
09:09thrumming you day and night don't be listening to that wig wearing nanny moggins he's just wanting
09:14them out to the big bedroom June have you ascertained your supernatural power yet
09:19I'll take that as a no Miranda now you'll do your little thing to lower the temperature of the
09:28we've only been training for five minutes woman training is for racehorses and servants Gideon
09:33make me for the haunting super play
09:35yes that's the kind of supernatural rage we need we strike at midnight
10:05oh sterling workman she's mildly rattled but I'm naked for that
10:35I feel like I just got back from mad Monday
10:37hey Miranda freeze the room with your cold dead heart
10:41Lindy what keeps you when I was seven I caught up Stacey Hempel's tap shoes right before the
10:54Foster's Lager talent show and karmically this feels the same
10:56dead people don't need to worry about karma you should be more worried about disappointing
11:00your social betters come on Sean Sean Sean did you fix the fuse box yeah keep going
11:12oh it's freezing but it's so nice and quiet
11:31oh
11:33oh
11:43oh
11:45oh
11:49oh
11:51oh
11:53oh
12:09with every breath she grows more attached to my land
12:13land
12:25come on Eileen bit of property I was here first he's the one who got his jeggy toxic
12:30hey hey hey um so I've been thinking um what if we stayed here like permanently what what
12:39what what
12:40I'm not going to say I told you so
12:41that's good thank you
12:42I told you so
12:43I thought you were joking you were joking right
12:44no does it sound like I'm joking
12:46talking back men do not love that
12:48your mum is in the city our mates are in the city
12:51the last time I floated remote work with Rahim he got a nosebleed both nostrils
12:54yeah well you know what I'm actually just really over it
12:56I'm sick of working 16 hour days in a firm full of old men who see me as a diversity hire of someone to grope at work drinks
13:02babe take it as a compliment
13:03you know Brad the douche got a promotion and I got asked to do a welcome to country for his new client
13:07I don't want to do it anymore
13:09Kate the answer is surely just to quit your job not to move to the middle of nowhere
13:13try being shipwrecked off the coast of our demons land using your cousin's corpse as a life raft
13:18well like what if it was you know like what if we just like started a hotel together
13:22a hotel
13:24what you don't want to like run a little boutique hotel with me
13:27Kate you know nothing about hotels I know nothing about hotels
13:29it'll be fun
13:30this house is a wreck it's literally falling apart there is mold on every single surface
13:34I'm doing all I can
13:36it's an escape room
13:37you love escape rooms
13:38okay that was a really bad example
13:40it's a house of horrors
13:41the plumbing was literally screaming at me there's no electricity
13:44Sean there is definitely electricity you just need to go fix the fuse box
13:47what fuse box I walked all around this creepy old spider infested house and I couldn't find it
13:52maybe this house doesn't have a fuse box it was built in what like 372 BC
13:57maybe it doesn't have one
13:59Sean
14:00Sean
14:01worst shower ever
14:02okay that seemed bad but when they make up there's a lot of tension to unpack in the bedroom
14:07I spy with my little eye something the colour of
14:21a
14:23a
14:24a woman
14:25this game's getting pretty abstract
14:27oh well we got here then
14:29she's new
14:30she's pretty
14:31hello
14:35oh
14:40oh
14:41she's vulnerable
14:45we'll never have a better chance to strike
14:48oh
14:49well it feels like a bit of a dog act don't you reckon boss
14:51dogs don't act they follow orders now be a good boy and do as I say
14:54oi governor
14:55why didn't you leave the young lady alone
14:57oh that's a good idea thank you why don't you shut up
14:59yeah shut up
15:00shame out
15:01oh sorry it won't happen again
15:02convicts
15:07hey boss you know when the old bloke carked it did you feel like not
15:10not
15:11um
15:12good
15:13right
15:14of course not
15:15me english suppress everything including emotions
15:17and you're dead inside from all the violence and depravity of your illegal profession
15:20that's what makes you the perfect subordinate
15:22I've been called a lot of things in my time
15:25but never
15:27have I been called perfect
15:29now stop asking existential questions and attack
15:32yes boss
15:33just a little push
15:40bit more push
15:42much bigger push
15:46push back
15:48yeah
15:51yeah
15:52she's died
15:54one of us
15:56what was that
15:57you good babe
15:58Kate
15:59Kate
16:00no no no don't move don't move don't move
16:03calling the ambulance please don't move
16:05it's not possible
16:07I've got you. Ambulance.
16:11Hi, my girlfriend's had a fall and, um, hey, hey, Kate.
16:14Oh, jeez, I think she's hit her head. Stay with me. Stay with me. Kate.
16:25Will that pansy ever stop wailing?
16:30Your wife's dead. Get over it. You'll find another woman.
16:37Sorry, mate.
16:45What's with the wind in your great leaky boat?
16:49I didn't mean to kill her.
16:51Oh, well, she might not be dead.
16:55She might just be a potato, like my cousin Patrick after he fell down the well.
17:00What's got into you? I thought you were after meaming dozens of people.
17:04Oh, yeah. Heaps, but, you know.
17:06Well, if they deserved it.
17:08You know, like if one of the boys ratted us out to the cops or smiled at a group photo or something, but she didn't do anything.
17:15I was just following orders and doing what Gideon said.
17:19You're always doing what Gideon says.
17:22May as well have his leaky teeth in your mouth, sucking on his mother's milk.
17:25What?
17:26Look, son. Life is hard.
17:28Death is hard, too.
17:30It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
17:40You've just got to suck it up and keep going.
17:44And going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going.
17:49Look now.
17:50If you must cry, then do it quietly.
17:53Like a woman.
17:54Like that.
18:09Here, have a go at it yourself.
18:12I reckon I'm alright now.
18:13Right you are, son.
18:17Hey, so I reckon maybe no one needs to hear about this.
18:20Ever.
18:21Just...
18:22Oh, hey, hey.
18:39Hey, you're awake.
18:41Hey.
18:43How long have I been here?
18:44Three days.
18:45You had a bonk on your head.
18:47You've been in and out, but the doctors say you're going to be fine.
18:50How are you feeling?
18:51Were you just trying to brush my teeth?
18:53Yeah, well, your breath was getting a little stinky, and I know how much you prioritise dental hygiene.
19:01Kate.
19:01I am so, so sorry.
19:04I should have just sorted that stupid fuse box.
19:08No, no, no.
19:08No, it's not your fault.
19:10I can't just expect you to become a country bumpkin on a whim.
19:12You love co-working spaces, and bike lanes, and specialty coffee.
19:19I don't want to take that away from you.
19:20Well, Kate, I just had the scariest 72 hours of my life to realise that I love you way more than any of those excellent things.
19:34I love that you have these big ideas, and you actually act on them, and that is rare.
19:37So, if you want us to become country bumpkins, and run a hotel, I'm in.
19:46Really?
19:47Mm-hmm.
19:47I say, quit your job, and let's do it.
19:51Sure.
19:52Oh, fuck.
19:55Oh, fuck.
19:56Oh, fuck.
20:04Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
20:07Ride to your manor, Miss Hilton?
20:09I can't believe I missed the make-up scene.
20:11This is just like when I forgot to tape Scott and Charlene's wedding on Neighbours, and now I just have to imagine it forever.
20:15Oh!
20:21Yeah, okay, great.
20:22Thank you so much.
20:23That is amazing.
20:25Oh, hey, mate.
20:26If you're looking for the fuse box, it's back there in the workshop.
20:31Sean, where you at?
20:32In the library.
20:37Oh, balls.
20:39Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
20:41Oh, she can see me!
20:42The breather can see me!
20:43That electrician's a bit sketchy.
20:45Where'd you find him?
20:45The dark web.
20:46Hmm?
20:47Oh, hey, Kate, I was wondering, can this be my home office?
20:50Because that, there, as a Zoom background, sick.
20:53Well, yes, you can, because the bank just approved our business loan, and we are now entrepreneurs with a buck-ton of debt, baby!
20:59Yeah, yes, adulting!
21:00Am I crazy to want this?
21:02No, but only because it's not cool to call a woman crazy.
21:04I reckon we can do this.
21:05You're right, she can see us.
21:08She's looking at me.
21:09Could just be a lazy, eh?
21:11Or a two.
21:12Oh, no, she's terrified.
21:14Don't be scared.
21:15Sure.
21:16Will you go sketchy?
21:16I'm looking for my gold.
21:18Have you seen a gold mammoth?
21:20It's going to be you, young lady.
21:21I regret to inform your bedroom is already taken.
21:24Ah!
21:24Ah!
21:25Ah!
21:25Ah!
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