- 5 months ago
Eric, having been given access to a car, takes his friends to a Cockney Rebel concert.
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00:00Eric, it is time.
00:23Why don't you go?
00:24It's your house.
00:25Yeah, it's your house.
00:26Listen to them in there.
00:28The party has reached its critical mass.
00:31In ten minutes' time, there will be no more beer theft opportunities.
00:34Yes, but if my dad catches me nicking booze, he will kill me.
00:37Eric, I'm willing to take that risk.
00:41I mean, just don't worry about it.
00:43Just stay cool and keep moving.
00:45No snacks, no small talk.
00:47Oh, and above all, don't get sucked into my dad's hair.
00:50No snacking, no talking, no sucking.
00:53What's wrong with your dad's hair?
00:59Just don't look at him.
01:01Oh, Eric, remember, Shandy doesn't count.
01:04Yeah.
01:04Actually, you know, Shandy makes me Randy.
01:19Maguire, anything makes you Randy.
01:22Yeah, and Jackie's not here, so don't look at me, all right?
01:26Hello, Eric.
01:28Hi, Eric.
01:29Hi, Eric.
01:29Make way for the cheesy pineapple hedgehogs.
01:41Yummy.
01:43Pineapple is so versatile, isn't it?
01:46It makes everything taste exotic, doesn't it?
01:51Hello there, Eric.
01:53Mr Palmer.
01:56So, Eric, what do you think of Bob's new hair then, eh?
01:59Isn't it groovy?
02:00Oh, it's incredibly groovy, Mrs Palmer.
02:03It was Midge's idea.
02:05It's a poem.
02:07Cool.
02:13Hi, your dad.
02:15What the hell's happened to Bob's hair?
02:17Don't ask me.
02:18His head looks like a poodle's arse.
02:21Just when you think you've seen everything.
02:23Yeah, poodle's arse walks into your party.
02:25Eric, don't say the arse word in my house.
02:27You're still at school.
02:28Sixth Form College, Dad.
02:29Bob, follow-up, it's coming through.
02:31Kitty, is that your Toyota from the drive outside?
02:36Ron, a Toyota?
02:38Yeah, it's mine.
02:39We spent hard-earned cash on a second-hand rice burner.
02:42Oh, Ron.
02:43They're so economical.
02:45Last time I was that close to a Japanese machine,
02:47it was shooting at me.
02:48Even with your arse cut back, you have to have a car.
02:53The Zephyr never started.
02:55Those sods at the garage said they'd only take it for scrap.
02:58They're sharks.
02:59That Zephyr can rust in the drive before I let them have it.
03:02Ron, it is rusting in the drive.
03:03I tried to tell me no-one wants British-made cars any more.
03:06Well, we didn't want one.
03:08Yeah, I know, but I make them.
03:09I know what goes on.
03:10If I didn't, I'd be as patriotic as the next man.
03:13I could be the next man, Dad.
03:14Well, I'm patriotic.
03:16Maybe I could take on a Zephyr and, you know, get her going.
03:19What have you got there, Eric?
03:21A bit.
03:22I found it.
03:24Looked lying around.
03:26Put them away, son.
03:29Oh, I intend to put them away.
03:33Sweetheart, could you do me a favour?
03:35Could you put those in the freezer on your way to the garage?
03:37They're warm.
03:41Right.
03:41I feel like a song with actions.
03:44Ron, where's that Wurzle's LP?
03:47Who are?
04:00Hey, take a look at them.
04:05I see that every day, boys.
04:08Well, almost.
04:10Are you twitching?
04:11He's alive!
04:12Oh, good news.
04:13My dad's made me think of giving me the Zephyr.
04:15What, you get in the car?
04:16Oh, have I ever told you how incredibly attractive you are, Eric?
04:20Yeah, but you've sold me.
04:22No, I didn't.
04:23Yeah, I remember.
04:24You said not to say anything to Eric.
04:27Hey, let's remember what's important here, folks.
04:30Eric stole something.
04:32To Eric the Ninja Foreman.
04:33To Eric.
04:34Eric, do you know what's sad?
04:37This is the proudest day of my life.
04:39Days like this, I feel like I could change the world.
05:00Days like this, I feel like I could change the world.
05:05Ooh, all the days like this.
05:13Oh, Doctor.
05:14Thank you so much for saving me from the Daleks again.
05:17I'm such a helpless idiot.
05:18Stop talking, Sarah Jane, and keep jiggling up and down that jumpsuit.
05:21Oh, Doctor.
05:22I need you to give me your sonic screwdriver.
05:24Quick.
05:24Fornicate, fornicate.
05:27Michael, why are we watching this without sound?
05:29I am totally confused.
05:30Use the hippies.
05:33So, Eric, how are negotiations going with your old man about the car?
05:37Fine.
05:38Part of me has never mentioned it again.
05:39Shush.
05:40Why don't you ask him?
05:41And feel the wrath of Ron.
05:43Yeah, then how do we get to the concert?
05:45What concert?
05:48Steve Hartley and Cockney Rebel.
05:51When?
05:52It's this weekend.
05:53Oh, and who's going?
05:55Well, it's Eric and Donna and Gio Bjorn, that foreign lad, and me, Dylan.
06:01Oh, pretty much everyone.
06:04And you.
06:05Oh, good, good, good.
06:06Thank you for telling me, Michael.
06:10Well, sitting here is thirsty work.
06:12Anybody for a glass of squash?
06:14Oh, yeah, me.
06:14You sit down.
06:15I'll get yours.
06:18You don't want me to go to the concert, is that it?
06:20No, I didn't think you liked music.
06:24Michael, of course I like music.
06:25You've seen the stickers on my pencil case.
06:28Well, I didn't ask you to the concert, because I know you don't like my friends.
06:31Oh, and did you tell them that?
06:33No.
06:33Michael, don't tell other people our private conversations.
06:36See, we have to have our own private conversations, Michael.
06:39Right.
06:39Well, and I don't think you like Cockney Rubble.
06:42I mean, like you said, they're no Bay City rulers.
06:44I like Cockney Rubble.
06:46I've got their 45 who have come up and see me.
06:49You remember the night I got it?
06:51Oh, yeah.
06:52We had fun that night, didn't we, Michael?
06:54Yeah.
06:55Well, we could have fun at the concert, especially in the car on the way back.
06:59Why don't you come?
07:00Oh, well, only if you want me to.
07:02No, I wouldn't you to.
07:06So, Jackie, I suppose you're coming to the concert with us?
07:09Yep, and I can't wait.
07:11So, Michael, do you want to come back to mine and listen to Cockney Rubble records?
07:15Oh, yes, please.
07:18You kids have fun now.
07:20Bye-bye.
07:21Oh, they're so adorable.
07:22The minute you turn your backs, they'll be humping a little bunny rabbit.
07:26Yeah, they are frisky.
07:28Can't leave them alone for a second.
07:29You know, my sister doesn't think that we should be left alone together.
07:37Us?
07:42Well, we're alone now.
07:44Yes, yes, we are.
07:45No doubt about that.
07:47Eric, relax.
07:49We've lived next door to each other since time began.
07:52You could have had me when I was four.
07:56Really?
07:59Damn.
08:00And there I was every day seeing how high I could get on my pogo stick.
08:03Excuse me.
08:05Stupid, stupid, stupid.
08:08Stupid.
08:13Ever since yesterday, I can't stop thinking about you.
08:18I've known you practically my whole life, but up until now it never seemed possible.
08:21But now it feels so close, I can feel it.
08:26I want you.
08:28I really want you.
08:31You know, I think I actually love you.
08:36Eric?
08:36It's a car.
08:37It's a car.
08:38I think she'll leave these two alone together.
08:44Hi, Donna.
08:47Hi, Dan.
08:49Oh, you youngsters standing around by the road.
08:57Well, it's just so sweet.
08:59You may not realise it, but this is the best time you're ever going to have.
09:07And it's all downhill from here on, is it, Mr Palmer?
09:10Ha, ha, ha.
09:11That's right.
09:12Yeah.
09:13What happened to your dad's hair?
09:17He got a perm.
09:19Yeah, as in permanent wave.
09:21What, that's permanent?
09:22Yeah.
09:23Nice.
09:27Naff.
09:42I may not say this right because I'm new to English, but she has tremendous breasts, yes?
09:48Michael, who is that boy?
09:53Oh, that's, um, Torbjorn Rasmussen.
09:56Ah, he's new this term.
09:57I mean, Eric thinks he's cool.
09:59Is he, um...
10:00Is he foreign?
10:01Torbjorn Rasmussen?
10:03Foreign.
10:04Oh, come on.
10:05Donna, I have to go to the DDs.
10:08Donna!
10:09I too must visit the lavatory.
10:13Eric?
10:15It doesn't work the same way with boys.
10:22Look what?
10:24How long do you estimate we're going to have to put up with this whole Jackie experience?
10:29Don't worry about it.
10:30I'm dumping her.
10:31Highly unlikely.
10:32No, I am.
10:33No, she's cramping my style.
10:35Yeah.
10:36Quick impression for you.
10:37Jackie.
10:38You.
10:40Jackie, why do you bring me along every time you go to the loo?
10:43Are you scared you're going to fall in?
10:45Donna, I know you don't like me.
10:47Who said?
10:48I've sensed it for a long time.
10:50You know, you're hard.
10:53Look, who's talking?
10:55I'm not hard.
10:56Daddy says I'm a pussycat.
10:58Well, I suppose he's half right.
11:01Look, we're just different, that's all.
11:04Well, I'm a lot like my mother.
11:06Is she competitive too, then?
11:08No, she's pretty.
11:11You're always competing against other women for male attention.
11:14So?
11:15So I don't think male approval makes you a better person?
11:18Well, he can get you what you want.
11:20Well, I don't want anything that much.
11:21Oh, really?
11:22Well, I can think of something.
11:24Eric?
11:27We're just friends.
11:28Oh, he's quite cute, but I wouldn't go out with him.
11:31Well, he's not your type, is he?
11:32He's honest and sensitive.
11:34Michael's honest and sensitive.
11:35Yeah, but at least Eric speaks in proper sentences.
11:38Well, if you think Eric's so great, why don't you make a move for him?
11:41Well, I just...
11:46Yeah.
11:47Nice sentence.
11:55You should be dancing!
11:58You should be dancing!
12:06So, is Ron still thinking about giving you the car, maybe?
12:09Even if we do get the car, I mean, we're gonna need a lot of petrol money,
12:16because, you know, big cars, they're thirsty.
12:20Yeah, and then the Zephyr's as big as a boat.
12:24Who's getting your boat?
12:27We shouldn't even need petrol, ma'am.
12:32I heard about this bloke, who invented a car that runs on water.
12:40It's got a fiberglass air-cooled engine, and it runs on water!
12:46So it is a boat?
12:47No, it's a car.
12:48But the petrol company's covered it up.
12:49They control everything!
12:50It shouldn't be blurred in this car, you know?
12:52I mean, I could ask Jackie for petrol money.
12:53McGuire, you are such a whore!
12:55McGuire, you are such a whore!
12:56McGuire is a whore!
12:58He's only got one customer!
12:59I'm not a whore!
13:00Yeah, I suppose you only go out with Jackie.
13:01They control everything!
13:02They control everything!
13:03It shouldn't be blurred in this car, you know?
13:05I mean, I could ask Jackie for petrol money.
13:08McGuire, you are such a whore!
13:13McGuire is a whore!
13:14It's only got one customer!
13:23I'm not a whore!
13:26Yeah, I suppose you only go out with Jackie for the conversation!
13:31In my country, a whore is somebody who gets money for having sex.
13:35I think that's pretty conclusive, McGuire.
13:38When does the boat get here, whore?
13:42Eric!
13:43Yes, Dad?
13:44I want to talk to you here!
14:02Eric, your mother and I have been talking about the car.
14:05You've been talking to the car?
14:07About the car.
14:10Since I've been cut back to part-time and a hospital's so close, I can take the Toyota
14:14to work and your mum can take the bus.
14:16Oh, Ronnie, I'd rather walk.
14:17When I take the bus in my nurse's uniform, people always try to show me their scars.
14:21Well, then I'll drop you off on the way to the factory.
14:23I don't want to be any trouble.
14:24Well, Eric can't drop you off.
14:25He'll probably never even get the Zephyr going.
14:27Well, if it's that broken down, should we let him have it at all?
14:30Well, he asked for it!
14:31Excuse me, am I getting the car?
14:34We didn't say that.
14:35Things don't just drop into your lap, Eric.
14:37Not in this life.
14:38A car is a responsibility.
14:40You'll need insurance.
14:41Have you any idea how much insurance is?
14:44A car is a privilege.
14:46Oil changes, radiator water, all the fluids, keeping them topped up.
14:50A car is not a bedroom on wheels.
14:53Always give way to oncoming traffic.
14:55Always!
14:56Helen's friend got pregnant in a car.
14:58Don't let that happen.
15:00And if I find one beer bottle in that car, it's over.
15:03And no jam doughnuts.
15:05Ants!
15:09Am I getting the car?
15:20Oh, shit!
15:23Out in front of your mother.
15:26Sorry.
15:27Thanks, Dad.
15:28Yeah, well.
15:29Clean the attic.
15:44Oh, Maguire, that's sweet.
15:45No, actually, I'm taking pole position.
15:47No, you're not.
15:48I'm not seeing in the back.
15:50Fine.
15:51Let's ask Eric.
15:52All right, Eric.
15:53Maguire?
15:54Get in the back.
16:00Faking it for a spin, eh?
16:02Yes, Dad.
16:03Oh, one more thing very important about the car.
16:05I know you've got it going again, but it's still an old banger,
16:08so no trips outside Luton.
16:12Ever.
16:15Have fun.
16:18Who asked that?
16:19We're not going.
16:20Eric, do you want to go?
16:22Yeah, but he said no trips outside town.
16:25You're sitting behind the wheel.
16:27You've got Cockney Rebel tickets in your pocket.
16:29Do you want to go or not?
16:30Yes, but he's God.
16:31God won't find out.
16:33No, God finds out everything.
16:35Eric, he doesn't own you.
16:37No, God would want us to go to Cockney Rebel.
16:39Eric, you are your own man.
16:40We will abide by whatever you say.
16:41It's your decision.
16:42Yeah.
16:43It is my decision.
16:44My decision is...
16:45We're going to the concert.
16:46Yeah!
16:47Kids are off.
16:48I wonder where they're going.
16:49Out of town.
16:50Are you sure?
16:51Of course.
16:52I told them not to.
16:53Have you gone for the concert?
16:54Are you sure?
16:55Of course.
16:56I told them not to.
16:57Have you gone for the concert?
16:58It is my decision.
16:59It is my decision.
17:00My decision is...
17:01We're going to the concert.
17:02Yeah!
17:03The kids are off.
17:04I wonder where they're going.
17:05Out of town.
17:06Are you sure?
17:07Of course.
17:08I told them not to.
17:09Have you gone for quite some while then.
17:22Yeah.
17:23Come on now!
17:27I'm telling you, we've run out of petrol.
17:28It's the battery.
17:30We're the only one.
17:32I'm getting to the concert.
17:34I'm telling you, we've run out of petrol.
17:36It's the battery.
17:37Yeah, what would you know? You're a girl.
17:39I mean, the tank's run dry and the pump's sucked in the dirty residue.
17:43It's the battery.
17:44Some cowboy's ripped out your wiper motor.
17:49I know what. I'll call my daddy.
17:50Maguire, tell her.
17:51Yeah, he can't take the car out of Luton.
17:53I'm not calling his dad.
17:55Jackie, parents talk to each other about the ways we screw up.
17:59And why would they want to talk about that?
18:01Look, they can't help it.
18:03Imagine there's a party.
18:04And my mum comes in and says to Jackie's dad...
18:07Oh, Folly Mons coming through!
18:10Hello, Mrs Foreman.
18:12I say, isn't it great that all our children are such tremendous pals?
18:17Yes, Jackie's dad.
18:18They're quite the gang of young people.
18:23Kitty, I just adore what you've done with the kitchen.
18:27Yes, Aquin, Lemon.
18:29They're such fun, aren't they?
18:31Blah, blah, blah.
18:33Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
18:34Speaking of our children, wasn't it fortunate that I saved young Eric when he took your car to London against your specifically declared wishes?
18:43What?
18:44Why, that twisted little monkey?
18:46Though I found that out by total charge, I'm really going to make him pay.
18:50Ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:51Children, what can you do?
18:54Ha, ha, ha, ha.
18:56I say we torture them with years of pointless rules and foolish advice.
19:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
19:03Come on, everybody.
19:05Let's do the hustle.
19:15Look, just stop it.
19:18I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere and I have to go to the ladies.
19:21Donna?
19:22OK, but I warn you, this time I actually need a pee.
19:24so where are your kids going cockney rebel hey cool yeah but not without a battery i'll get you
19:34a battery are they cheap or possibly free oh 12 pounds 50 minimum i'll tell you what we'll sort
19:43you our battery plus five quid for one of your batteries that is an uncommonly sweet deal you're
19:48offering me my friend but i tell you what one battery for two cockney rebel tickets oh no we
19:54can't give up two tickets fair enough well it's either that or none of us go yeah but who's out
20:01well there's jackie yeah yeah i mean jackie's as good as gone but i mean who else oh i don't know
20:07maybe jackie's boyfriend you know i'm finishing with her you guys are giving me the dry ump i had
20:16to listen to her for a good hour a really long hour god hates me
20:23how can you say god hates you at least you have a woman's love be happy or
20:31this suit is for leisure but many times i use it to get down to business
20:40doug's girlfriend is a man that's okay we are so cool to be okay about that i need to go to the
21:03this isn't working no it's a boy scout bell i feel funny no you don't you feel silky michael will you speak please hear my words
21:21i think we should break up what no you're not having a good time i'm having a good time really
21:29yeah oh michael i'm so glad you don't want to split up you're so nice to give away your ticket so that you could be with me
21:38well yeah it says that you don't need music and concerts and friends you know what you need
21:47no me you need me me me me me you need me michael
21:52i suppose just too shy to say that
22:09this is much more fun than cockney ruble isn't it michael
22:16what a great night it's amazing what one act of civil disobedience can do for you
22:31there's a whole world just waiting to be driven to
22:34you go to wales
22:37stopping us
22:38actually i think wales closes at 9 30
22:42you know i probably would never have driven to the concert if you hadn't talked me into it
22:50i don't talk you into anything
22:53well i'm gonna call it a day
23:02so good night
23:04good night
23:06and by the way thanks for the lift
23:16what was that for
23:23i just want to see what it's like
23:25what was it like
23:28you were there too
23:30i wasn't ready for it
23:34so what would you have done differently
23:37i don't know
23:39something with my lips maybe
23:42that sounds nice
23:45we'll try that next time
23:46when exactly is next time
23:49good night
23:51yeah
23:55like i'm gonna sleep after that
24:05you
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