- 4 days ago
Eric's Birthday is drawing near. His mother plans a (not so) surprise party. Meanwhile, Donna struggles to figure out what to get him.
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00:00Do you think those nurses will ever get away from that man?
00:18Perhaps they could go faster if they took off the tight-fitting uniforms.
00:22Oh look, you were right.
00:25Do you get the feeling that Benny has a healthy and fulfilling sex life?
00:29You're taking it too seriously, Dylan. It's a comedy programme. It's supposed to make you laugh.
00:34Well, it's meant to be funny as well.
00:37Don't mind me. I'm just putting some clothes in the machine.
00:41Eric, I thought you could wear this on your birthday. It makes you look so handsome.
00:46Mum, why would I want to dress up on my birthday?
00:48I didn't know it was your birthday.
00:50Well, you never know what's going to happen on your birthday.
00:53Hey everyone, Eric's having a birthday.
00:55Mum, I don't want a party.
00:57Oh well, hark at Mr Sniffy. He doesn't want to have a party. As if I've got time to plan one.
01:04Oh, and by the way, Helen's coming home from university this weekend.
01:09No reason. She just is.
01:12Well Eric, it looks like you're having a party.
01:15And the exciting thing is, it's going to be a complete surprise.
01:18Eric, I've just realised, Donna is older than you.
01:24Only by a month.
01:25Good for you, Eric.
01:27Good for me what?
01:28In my country, it's good luck to fall in love with an older woman.
01:32Tall?
01:33No.
01:34They go with livestock.
01:35They go with livestock.
01:36they go with livestock.
01:38No.
01:39What's going on in love with an older woman?
01:48Well, I want to go with goats.
01:51.
01:52Then it's on.
01:53And it's on.
01:54After she's切k, we go that cowardly and londononono
01:56flickatt deciphered,
01:57They walked a she Walker,
02:01Oh, good morning.
02:15Morning, Eric.
02:16Morning.
02:17Oh, I'll get it.
02:24Did I just see about 25 bags of chipsticks in there?
02:29They were reduced.
02:31Mum, I don't want a party.
02:33There is no party.
02:35The lad doesn't want a party.
02:37He's not having a party.
02:39Well, don't arrange one.
02:40I'm not.
02:40He's too old for surprise parties.
02:42I agree with you.
02:43Then stop shouting.
02:44I'm not shouting.
02:47Look, Dad, I know money's short since you got your hours cut back,
02:50so I'm not expecting a big birthday or anything.
02:52I'll be the judge of when money's short round here.
02:55So what do you want for your birthday?
02:57Don't worry about the price, as long as it's reasonable.
02:59I want a cassette player, yeah.
03:01One I can use in the car.
03:02A cassette deck.
03:03Not an 8-track.
03:048-tracks?
03:05All at the same time?
03:07Must sound awful.
03:08I don't know why they just don't put record players in cars.
03:11No, I don't want an 8-track.
03:13Then you won't get one.
03:14I think he wants one.
03:16No, no, I want a cassette player, not an 8-track machine.
03:18Then that's what you shall have.
03:20Not an 8-track.
03:22You'll get a quality piece of equipment.
03:24In fact, it'll probably last longer than the car.
03:26It doesn't have to be expensive.
03:29There's your first mistake, son.
03:30You should always buy the best you can afford.
03:33But, Dad, you said I should always buy British.
03:36Don't be cheeky.
03:38Sorry, Dad.
03:41I'm off.
03:41Out now.
03:42Oh, good.
03:43Now, could you just go to the corner shop for me
03:45and buy a bag of icing sugar,
03:47ten packets of Smarties
03:48and four large Swiss rolls?
03:52They're for your sister.
03:58Phew.
03:59That was close.
04:01I am giving Eric a surprise party.
04:05Yes, I know.
04:07But soon he'll be a man.
04:09And he won't want to party then.
04:10He doesn't want to party now.
04:11This could be my last chance
04:13to see my baby blow out his candles.
04:18Stop it, Kitty.
04:19You're breaking my heart.
04:28Tor?
04:29Yes?
04:30What are you doing?
04:32I'm praying at the tomb of the tiny people.
04:38Oh, this is hopeless.
04:40What am I going to get Eric for his birthday?
04:42Well, you know what he really needs?
04:44Cold, hard cash for threads and sounds.
04:47Dylan, you can't give money as a present.
04:49Hey, you can try on me any time.
04:52All breakages must be paid for.
04:54Break it?
04:55Mate, it's plastic.
04:56Look, don't get funny with me, sunshine.
04:58Buy the turd or get out.
05:03Michael, what are you doing?
05:05You know, thinking about a present.
05:07I've got 10p.
05:08Let's do the passion tester.
05:14Now, grab this.
05:15Michael, stop looking at your friends and look at me.
05:18Okay, then.
05:22Cold fish, Michael.
05:23Cold fish.
05:25Are you sure you're thinking about me?
05:26How am I doing, then?
05:31Am I out stuffed yet?
05:33I am, aren't you?
05:34Oh, God, look at that.
05:36Three weeks, and already they need electric devices to spice up their love life.
05:40Oh, mate.
05:47Go on.
05:48What?
05:51What have you got, Eric?
05:52For his birthday.
05:53Oh, I didn't get him anything.
05:55Nothing looked right.
05:57I just want to get him something really special.
06:02He kissed you, didn't he?
06:04Jackie?
06:05Oh, come on.
06:06Let's go into the car so you can talk about it.
06:07I bet I can give you some great advice.
06:09Oh, come on.
06:11Go ahead.
06:11Do the market.
06:12Oh, no.
06:13Oh, no.
06:13Oh, no.
06:14Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:15Oh, no.
06:16Oh, no.
06:17Oh, no.
06:17Oh, no.
06:18Oh, no.
06:20Okay.
06:21So what's going on?
06:23Jackie, I really don't want to talk to you about this.
06:25Well, who else are you going to talk to about it?
06:29Come on.
06:30Say bad.
06:31Oh, boy.
06:33Okay.
06:34After we got back from the Cockney Rebel concert, we were sitting on the bonnet of the car, and
06:40I kissed him.
06:41French or English?
06:43I can't believe I'm talking to you about this.
06:47Okay, look.
06:48I've lived next door to Eric my whole life, and he's my best friend, and we love the same
06:53music, and we talk about everything, and then I kissed him, and now everything's changed,
06:57and I'm thinking he might be my boyfriend, but if he's my boyfriend, then I'm going to
07:00lose my best friend, right?
07:02And then if I muck it up, I lose my boyfriend and my best friend, and now I've got to get
07:07him this birthday present, and I don't, I don't know.
07:10All I could see was fart powder.
07:12Donald, Donald, you can stop talking now.
07:15I've solved it.
07:17Get him a scented candle.
07:19A scented candle.
07:24Romantic and practical.
07:25Oh, yeah.
07:26My Jake!
07:27My Jake!
07:28My Jake!
07:28My Jake!
07:28My Jake!
07:29My Jake!
07:29My Jake!
07:30My Jake!
07:31My Jake!
07:32My Jake!
07:33My Jake!
07:36My Jake!
07:39No, not both.
07:42I have control of the plastic plates!
07:47No not both shall be enjoying your supper tonight.
07:50Tor, you didn't win.
07:51You just wouldn't let go.
07:53Yes, but I have control of the plates,, and...
07:56Holy mother.
07:58Hi, Helen.
07:59Hello, McGuire.
08:00Dylan.
08:00Who is this goddess?
08:01Oh, the goddess is our sister.
08:02She's not goddess.
08:03She's more of a chew-you-up, spit-you-out, earth-mutter-whore type.
08:07Which is my favourite.
08:10Hello, Eric.
08:13Put some more clothes on.
08:17Why?
08:18Well, aren't you cold?
08:20No.
08:21In fact, I'm hot.
08:25Well, then, why don't you go back into the house?
08:28Because I'm waiting for my stuff to finish spinning.
08:31And I want you to stop hassling me.
08:33It'll only take me a minute.
08:34I don't think Maguire will last that long.
08:38Too bad.
08:40It's not like I'm completely naked under this.
08:43I am wearing underwear.
08:47See?
08:48If I was at a swimming pool, you wouldn't even notice me.
08:52If we were at the swimming pool, Maguire would be in the water right now.
08:56So, little brother, I hear you have a zephyr now.
08:59I want it tomorrow night. I need it.
09:01OK.
09:02But I need a favour.
09:03For you?
09:04I'm afraid not.
09:06Oh, come on.
09:07All you have to do is tell Mum I'm too old for a surprise party.
09:10But you're the baby.
09:12And Mummy loves a baby.
09:14If you do it, you can have the zephyr.
09:16All night?
09:18All night.
09:18OK.
09:19It's a deal.
09:20Baby.
09:21Oh, your sister fancies me.
09:31You saw her chow me up, yeah?
09:33Just let him go.
09:35Remember, cos I said, hi, Helen.
09:37And Helen said...
09:39Hello, Maguire.
09:40I'm waiting.
09:41And I want you.
09:42All night.
09:42Baby.
09:43Take me.
09:44I want it.
09:44Bad.
09:45I need it.
09:46Mummy loves her baby.
09:47I'm completely naked onto this.
09:50And I'm hot.
09:51For you, Maguire.
09:58What?
10:00Didn't you hear it?
10:01So, how's your friend Janet?
10:07Pregnant.
10:09She was such a nice young lady.
10:13How did that happen?
10:14Well, first the egg comes down the fallopian tube to the uterus.
10:17What do I think about?
10:18For God's sake, Eric, there are women present.
10:21Hey, Dad, I think Mum and I know what fallopian tubers.
10:25I just don't like my little boy bandying about those types of unnecessary words.
10:31You're still my baby.
10:33Thanks, Mum.
10:38Helen.
10:40Stop staring at your sister and eat your tea.
10:44Oh, yeah.
10:45Um, Eric wanted me to say he thinks he's too old for a birthday party.
10:49Keys?
10:51There's no party!
10:53Careless talk costs lives.
10:56Just remember, I can't lend you the Zephyr due to the fact that I hate you.
11:01Helen, you can't drive that heap.
11:03It's old and it's falling apart.
11:06It could break down anywhere and leave you at the mercy of any maniac that comes along.
11:10It's all right for Eric.
11:13I'll take the toy out, yeah.
11:19Oh, and, er...
11:21Here's a fiver.
11:23Will that fill the tank?
11:24Oh, it should do.
11:27But, Ron, give her another one, just in case.
11:29Dad, if...
11:30If you could give me some cash, perhaps I could take the guys down to the coast at the weekend.
11:35Yeah, yeah, and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its arse when it hopped.
11:39I'm coming, I'm coming.
11:57Donna?
12:00It's, um...
12:01It's 3am.
12:02Are you going mad?
12:04Mad?
12:05Only madly in love with you.
12:06What is it about you that drives me so wild with passion and desire, Eric?
12:10Well, I am vice-treasurer of the student council, licensed to suspend your library facilities.
12:16Shut up and go and sit down.
12:18Whew!
12:18I have to give you a birthday present.
12:29It can't wait any longer.
12:31Close your eyes.
12:40This is my present.
12:42No, that's my nightie.
12:45I'm your present.
12:47Now, open your eyes, birthday boy.
12:58Surprise!
12:58Surprise!
13:00Happy birthday.
13:02And that's it.
13:04A few presents tonight.
13:05The end.
13:06So, don't go thinking you're getting any party, because you'll just be bitterly disappointed.
13:14Happy birthday, son.
13:16You know, the lawn won't mow itself.
13:20Happy birthday, baby brother.
13:25Nice tent.
13:26I know why you're all here.
13:54Don't know what you're talking about, man.
13:56You know, we're just hanging around as usual.
13:58Only I put on my best shirt tonight.
14:01So is everyone else, by chance.
14:03Doesn't mean anything.
14:05Yoo-hoo!
14:06Sorry to disturb you kids.
14:09Dylan, Donna, Jackie, Maguire.
14:11Young man with the accent.
14:13I wonder if you could give me a hand with something.
14:16Not you, Eric!
14:17Oh, God, I can't stand it.
14:28I just can't do it.
14:29No, Dad, that is.
14:41Get in there and enjoy your party.
14:44Yes, Dad.
14:49Hey, Rick.
14:50Can you come in here for a minute?
14:51Hey, Eric, down.
14:54He's coming.
14:54Open it.
14:58Open it.
15:04Wow.
15:06I mean, great.
15:08It's an eight-track.
15:09I can see that.
15:11Just like you wanted.
15:12You made such a fuss about it that I wrote it down.
15:15Thanks, Mum.
15:19Dad, it's, um...
15:21It's really great.
15:30Cassettes?
15:32Great.
15:33Thanks, Dylan.
15:34You're welcome.
15:35Oh!
15:35Maybe we could play them on the eight-track.
15:37That's a Remington micro-shave.
15:46I liked it so much, I bought you one on the company.
15:51You won't need that for a long time.
15:53A long, long time.
15:54Oh, yes, he will.
15:56He's almost a man.
15:59Here, Eric, I bought you something.
16:01Donna, no!
16:02Help me find my handbag now.
16:04Jackie, you didn't bring a handbag.
16:06Eric, listen, don't give him the present in front of the lads.
16:10I am one of the lads.
16:12Donna, I've put a lot of thought into this present.
16:13Please don't spoil it for me.
16:16Oh, I'm sorry.
16:16I suppose I was being selfish.
16:19It's OK.
16:22Do you know, Eric, I can still see you and our little Donna
16:25when you were two years old
16:27splashing around in the paddling pool, naked.
16:33You were so sweet.
16:34We took pictures.
16:35Speaking of naked pictures,
16:38I am Torbjörn.
16:39Hello.
16:40And you are?
16:41My wife.
16:43Trust me, she'd break you in half.
16:45And if she didn't, I would.
16:49Ah, well, we'd better be going.
16:51Bye, kids.
16:52And don't do anything I wouldn't do.
16:54Oh, um, time for us to make a move?
16:57What?
16:58No, no, but the party's only just started.
16:59I know, that's why I'll be going over to Bob and Midget's.
17:02No, no, no, no, no, no.
17:03I want to give a party for Eric.
17:05And you have.
17:07You make any mess, there'll be hell to face.
17:08Well, what about if we run out of Arctic Rome?
17:10Let's go.
17:11No, but there's more maps.
17:12And there's coleslaw if you don't like Thousand Island.
17:14Okay, um, I'd love to stay, but fortunately I've got a real party to go to.
17:25With my three best friends, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
17:31They're friends of ours too, and we haven't seen the phrases.
17:33Do you mind if we tag along?
17:35I don't think so, earache.
17:37Come on, we won't cause any trouble.
17:39We'll just hang out.
17:41You know, in a cool way.
17:42What, um, groove to the Bay City Rollers?
17:47Hey, Helen.
17:48You know, I'm not seeing you bopper.
17:50I'll come to the party with you.
17:51Okay.
17:52I'll drive, and you can hitch a lift on a flying pig.
18:02Bear, you must have seen that.
18:05Let the dream live.
18:10Well, he's bound to know about revolvers.
18:12So he could have shot him.
18:15Right, Colonel Mustard with the revolver in the kitchen.
18:18I was extremely good at Cluedo.
18:21What about the homebrew?
18:23The cellar's locked.
18:24Well, what if there's an emergency?
18:26What kind of emergency requires homebrew?
18:28Well, what if there's an accident?
18:30They'll ring.
18:30Well, what if they run out of crisps?
18:32They'll starve.
18:32I'm going to make a gin and tonic.
18:35Ron?
18:36Kitty wants one.
18:37I'm just worried.
18:41Helen's leaving.
18:43She's at college.
18:44She doesn't want to spend her time with them.
18:45Well, I should just ring.
18:46Just for me.
18:47Oh, for God's sake, woman.
18:48What can happen to them?
18:50What can happen?
18:52Plenty.
18:53Plenty can happen.
18:55Now that the grown-ups have gone, we can be as bad as we want to be.
18:58Who wants to give Eric a venereal disease?
19:03Hey, what?
19:04Drinks, coasters.
19:06I hate coasters.
19:08Please, chaps.
19:09My mum put out coasters for a good reason.
19:11I think I'll put my drink directly on the table.
19:14That way, it will leave a ring.
19:16No!
19:17Why, oh, why didn't I beg my mother to stay?
19:21Quiet, you foolish Englishman.
19:23I am trying to make a long-distance telephone call at your parents' expense.
19:27That's immoral!
19:29In my country of wherever it is on Trump, I can never remember.
19:34Models get in the way of a good, dirty time.
19:37But first, I need some crisps.
19:41What?
19:43No more crisps?
19:44I'm credding when Grandma shoots something.
19:48No, not goosey-goosey, sweetie jar.
19:56You're overreacting.
20:01Kitty, when Valerie went away to college, I felt just the same way.
20:06But this little book of poems helped me.
20:08It's called Verses from an Empty Nest.
20:11Read her the one about the little bird that left home and lost its way.
20:17Here it is.
20:20Outside the nest, the bird can't fly.
20:24It needs its mum, or it will die.
20:26Well, I think I'd like another drink.
20:38Sweetie, you usually only have one.
20:41Yes, but tonight I'm having two.
20:43OK, so wait by the porch and I'll get Eric.
20:48But it's dark out there.
20:49And you're giving him a candle.
20:51Here, matches.
20:53He might not want to light it.
20:56Don't say that.
20:57Don't even think it.
20:58Now, when he opens it, he'll say something like, groovy.
21:01And then you should give him a look like this.
21:06I don't think I can give anybody that look.
21:09Of course not.
21:10That's my look.
21:10You'll have to work on your own look.
21:12I got you something.
21:22Yeah.
21:23Yeah.
21:27It's empty.
21:28I know.
21:29But it won't be when we get enough money together to visit Big Nige.
21:34Great.
21:35So, um, what did you get from Donna?
21:38Nothing yet.
21:39Maybe you'll get the big present.
21:41You know, the really big present.
21:43You know what I mean when I say the big present?
21:45McGuire, we know what you mean.
21:47We know what you mean, man.
21:48I'm not from here.
21:49And even I know what you mean.
21:51Eric, Donna's waiting by the porch.
22:04He's getting the big present.
22:19Oh, patchouli candle.
22:21This is...
22:22This is really groovy.
22:24It's nothing.
22:30Are you all right?
22:32Yeah, I'm fine.
22:34You look like you might be ill or something.
22:37No, I'm just being completely stupid.
22:39It's usually my job.
22:41I was just nervous, you know, about the present.
22:45The present's great.
22:47I'd like it if I had some matches.
22:48Yes.
23:02You've thought of everything.
23:05Well, happy birthday.
23:12It never occurred to us to put a candle here.
23:15Oh, it's so remarkable.
23:16Just came in.
23:17Nothing to say in here.
23:18We have candles in the bedroom, don't we?
23:30I think this is it.
23:31We might actually be about to do it.
23:33Yeah, but it's his birthday, so why doesn't she kiss him first?
23:36Because she did that last time.
23:38What?
23:39Oh, shut up and just watch.
23:42Come on, Eric.
23:43Go on, mate.
23:45Go on, mate.
23:46The window's open and we can hear you.
23:55Yep, and we can see you.
24:01Is he kissing her?
24:02Talk.
24:03No one else can see them.
24:05Eric, are you kissing her?
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