- 7 weeks ago
When Eric has his car privileges taken away, Micheal's cousin comes to the rescue, but all is not as it seems.
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00:00Oh, Ron, don't do anything rash. You've only been cut back to a part-time.
00:13You may mock, Kitty. This vowel hasn't been touched in years.
00:16This whole thing needs to be taken apart piece by piece and thoroughly checked.
00:21Right, well, have it your own way. I'll just roast tonight's chicken with my hairdryer.
00:26Oh, come on, Dad. It's not that bad. I mean, you've only been cut back to part-time.
00:31That's exactly what I said.
00:35There's nothing funny about trying to keep this household in working order.
00:40I'll be in the tool shed.
00:45Eric, I'm really worried about your father.
00:48I mean, I know he's felt a bit useless since he's been cut back to part-time,
00:51but he keeps going round the house mending things.
00:55Things that don't need mending, initially.
01:01Things I need, things I use, things I love.
01:04Oh, my God, I must hide the blender.
01:07I thought that's losing it.
01:09He's just got a lot of time on his hands, Dylan.
01:11That's the truth.
01:13Yesterday, he wouldn't let me through the kitchen till I beat him at Kaplunk.
01:16It took me three hours.
01:19Man, he's good at Kaplunk.
01:21Yeah, Mum, he keeps chasing me around the house, calling me chicken,
01:25because I won't play Monopoly with him.
01:26Eric, please play with him.
01:28At least when he's playing Monopoly, he can't damage anything.
01:31Actually, Mum, the last time we played, he started repainting all the hotels.
01:35Oh, Jackie Maguire, I'm so sorry to interrupt you in my garage.
01:50It's all right, mate.
01:51Don't worry about it.
01:55I feel like David Attenborough watching a pair of chimps go at it.
01:58Yeah, the only difference is the IQ.
02:00Yeah.
02:01Chimps must be well into double figures.
02:03And, Michael, I think your friends obviously don't understand about
02:07true love forever.
02:14Well, quick question.
02:16Can you not find anybody a little less annoying to go out with?
02:19Yeah, like a flu virus.
02:22Do you think she's annoying?
02:23I think of her as quirky.
02:26Yeah, but that's because you don't know what it means.
02:28Well, at least I'm getting somewhere with Jackie.
02:33Oh, yeah, and what's that supposed to mean?
02:35I think it means, Eric, that Donna will not make you a tang sandwich.
02:40Leave me alone, sir.
02:42Eric's going at his own pace.
02:44He's hoping to hold hands before he's 30.
02:47Oi, you!
02:48Oh!
02:49I'm going to mend this washing machine.
02:51Dad, it's not broken.
02:52Don't worry, it will be soon.
02:55What did you say?
02:57I said, uh, it will be soon.
02:59Working perfectly, once again.
03:04I just said it really, really fast.
03:06LAUGHTER
03:07Days like this, I feel like I can change the world
03:21Days like this, I feel like I can change the world
03:29On a day like this
03:32And so, as a young Malaysian prepares to serve,
03:40the crowd goes still.
03:42You can hear a pin drop in this magnificent stadium.
03:44But suddenly, from the crowd, a chant swells up.
03:47Four men, four...
03:49Oh, ho, ho, whoo!
03:51That's it, game.
03:53Winner stays on.
03:54Ready, Maguire?
03:55No, no, I've got to go, Donna.
03:56It's almost nine, and I've got to call Jackie.
04:00Who loves you, baby?
04:01Sure.
04:05So, as Foreman prepares to unleash one of his deadly serves,
04:08young Donna Palmer must be ruining the day
04:10she ever pulled on the type-wide short
04:12of championship table tennis.
04:14Shall we start with an easy one?
04:19Oh, it's a point!
04:21Hell freezes over, a monkey types Hamlet.
04:23You know, this really is an incredible feat
04:25against the man they call the Ping-Pong King.
04:28Yes, well, love one, Ping-Pong King.
04:31And Palmer's about to serve.
04:37She faints serving right.
04:39She faints serving left.
04:40She passes the ball.
04:41She faints living right.
04:42She faints left.
04:44She's got to win all sorts of trouble here.
04:46Donna, what are you doing?
04:48Time wasting.
04:48There's no time limit in table tennis.
04:54Oldest trick in the book, Eric.
05:01Game set and match.
05:03Water thrashing.
05:04You are an embarrassment to the game.
05:06OK, I'm going in now,
05:08but I'll leave the light on, you know.
05:09I wouldn't want you to gloat in the dark.
05:12Eric, do you want the balls back?
05:14Now, come on, that's a bit on course.
05:21Yeah.
05:23Thanks.
05:23Is this table wobbling?
05:42No, I don't think so.
05:43Definitely got a wobble.
05:46Anything will wobble if you shake it hard enough.
05:49Give us a hand with this, Eric.
05:50I'll turn it over and we're all playing down the legs, yeah?
05:52Ronnie, not while we're eating.
05:59Dad, why don't you just, I don't know,
06:00put a little bit of folded paper underneath the leg.
06:07Folded paper?
06:10Folded paper?
06:11You see, that's what's wrong with this country, Eric.
06:16It's the British disease and it's eating our hearts out.
06:18No-one wants to roll up their sleeves and work.
06:20They're all looking for the little piece of folded up paper solution.
06:24Well, not me!
06:26I'm going to get the saw.
06:33Um, Mum, has Dad gone bonkers?
06:37I'm afraid so, dear.
06:41You should be dancing!
06:46You should be dancing!
07:11I'm about you.
07:12I'm wearing some کو arranged平たい stuff,
07:13but...
07:13Even blanchoos.
07:16I'm failing a horse.
07:19I'm a little old posture.
07:21I'm doing this for myself.
07:35I'm doing so.
07:36I'm a little bit, you know?
07:36That was showed up here when I thought,
07:38I've beenising everything else.
07:39.
08:09.
08:11.
08:12.
08:13.
08:14.
08:15.
08:16.
08:17.
08:18.
08:19.
08:20.
08:21.
08:22.
08:23.
08:24.
08:25.
08:26.
08:27.
08:28.
08:29.
08:30.
08:31.
08:32.
08:33.
08:34.
08:35Please somebody else talk now.
08:38.
08:39.
08:41Yeah, I think that's it.
08:44.
08:45.
08:46.
08:47.
08:48.
08:49.
08:50.
08:51.
08:52.
08:52.
08:53Now, erm, why don't you go and watch a bit of telly while I make us some lunch?
09:05.
09:06Kitching.
09:36Kitching, release that melon.
09:41You know, you haven't been fishing in ages.
09:43Kitty, step away from the table and release the melon.
09:58Well, I've got to get back off to work.
10:03Midge?
10:04Yes, Bob?
10:06This table's a bit wobbly.
10:08Will you shove a piece of paper under it?
10:15Hello?
10:16Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
10:18Donald's for you.
10:21Hello?
10:22You beat Eric at a game.
10:23How could you do that?
10:24Don't get your knickers in a twist.
10:26I only want a game of table tennis.
10:27Eric will never be your boyfriend if you keep beating him at things.
10:30Why would that make a difference?
10:31Did Juliet beat Romeo at table tennis?
10:34No, of course not.
10:35And you know why, don't you?
10:37Because it'd be completely anachronistic.
10:39No, because if she'd beat him, then they would never have had the happy ending.
10:42Don't worry, Jackie.
10:44I'm sure me and Eric will get round to a double suicide somehow.
10:52You know, Donna, I think your annoying friend might be right.
10:54What?
10:55Well, as you grow up, things change.
10:58Mum, Eric and me have been playing games our whole lives.
11:01It can often help in a relationship if a man wins.
11:05Well, Eric does win sometimes.
11:07He wins the games of chance and I win the games of skill and judgment.
11:12Baby, sometimes women have to pretend to be weak and fragile so that men can feel superior.
11:18Mum, if women pretend to be weak, then men will always control the world.
11:21Oh, it's weird art men don't control the world.
11:27OK, well, I'll see you later.
11:31Oh, Bob.
11:33Could you just pop the top off that for me?
11:35Of course, honey bunch.
11:37There you go.
11:39Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
11:41Oh, I'm so lucky to have my big, strong, grizzly bear round the place.
11:50Bye, sausage.
11:51First of all, yuck.
11:55And second of all, the world doesn't work like that anymore, Mum.
11:57We don't have to pretend to be the helpless girl to get what we want.
12:00That's what that sex discrimination act's all about.
12:03Yeah.
12:03You stick to your principles.
12:06Forty years from now, you can tell all your cats how you're one at table tennis.
12:12So I was like, he's such a womble.
12:14And she goes, well, it takes one to know one.
12:16And I went, get knotted.
12:17She went, nah.
12:18And I went, yeah.
12:18Uh-huh.
12:20Oh, man.
12:21You're still on the phone.
12:23Come on, let's go.
12:24Come on.
12:25Look, the film starts at ten past.
12:28And all the nudie bits are in the first half.
12:30So let's go.
12:33Wimp.
12:33Jackie, hold on.
12:37Look, I could tell her there's an emergency and I've got to go.
12:42I mean, she'll buy a lot, right?
12:43Yeah.
12:45Except for one thing.
12:51Jackie?
12:52Come out from under her thumbs.
12:54Yeah.
12:55Look, she hung up on you.
12:56Let's go.
12:57We'll call her later, OK?
12:59Yeah.
13:00She hung up on me.
13:01I mean, let's go.
13:06Do you, um, fancy a game of table football?
13:09With you?
13:10Um, I'd love to, but, uh, I'm feeling kind of tired and I'm a rest certain.
13:17I think I'm coming down with the flu.
13:21That's just as well.
13:21I'm not very good at it.
13:23Well, I suppose one game isn't going to kill me.
13:29You can throw it first.
13:33OK.
13:37There's no way you could have stopped that.
13:39It was going so fast you didn't even see it.
13:48I saw that.
13:49I saw that.
14:09Ka-ching!
14:10That game.
14:11I win.
14:13That's all.
14:16Are you OK about that?
14:17Of course.
14:18Of course.
14:18Of course.
14:47Bingo!
14:51Oh, my God.
14:53No, no, because we can just clear these chairs out of the way
14:57and then we can sit on the floor like those nice Japanese people
15:00with their tea and kung fu.
15:02No, I'm going to have to make new legs for the bloody thing.
15:05I'll be in the tool shed if you want me.
15:08All right, well, take your time and do a good job.
15:14You can call me if you need anything.
15:20You know, if you want...
15:23But if you want to...
15:29Is it me?
15:31Or is that fridge making a noise?
15:37What fridge?
15:39No, no, Ronnie. Ronnie, there is no noise.
15:44Ronnie, it's not making any noise! Ronnie!
15:47I love you, baby!
15:49And if it's quite all night, I love you, baby!
15:52I love a lonely night, but I need you, baby!
15:57Wow, good shot.
15:58Thanks.
15:59I don't remember you being this good. Have you been practising?
16:02A little.
16:04Do you want a game?
16:05I don't know.
16:09All right, OK, then. How about a 301 you start?
16:12I'm such a smurf.
16:27Donna, what are you doing?
16:30I'm losing to you, you big, strong, grizzly bear.
16:33Ugh!
16:35Donna, you're losing on purpose.
16:37What do you mean on purpose?
16:38I'm doing the best I can.
16:40It's just that you're so much better than me.
16:42Donna?
16:43OK, look, I didn't mean to feel bad about losing to a girl again.
16:46Oh, well, thanks.
16:47Being pitied and patronised is so much better.
16:49God, I can't believe you actually care about this, Eric.
16:51All I did was beat you at a few stupid games.
16:54A few?
16:55A few? No, two.
16:56Two stupid games and I don't care.
16:59So just...
17:01Please leave my property.
17:02Fine.
17:03As long as you don't care.
17:04Ugh!
17:12Have you, um, been there the whole time?
17:14No, no.
17:15I just came to the garage to get one of your dad's tools.
17:18Did I gather you and Donna are going through a bit of a rough patch?
17:21No, Mum.
17:22We're rehearsing a play about two people who hate each other.
17:25All right, Mr Smarty Pants.
17:27But when you get a little bit older you'll realise how silly it is
17:30to get upset about losing to your girlfriend.
17:32Look, firstly, she's not my girlfriend.
17:34She's just some girl who lives next door.
17:37And secondly, you know what?
17:38I don't want to talk to you about this.
17:40Oh.
17:41I don't want to talk to you about it either.
17:42But I will tell you one thing.
17:43Your father and I have played many, many games over the years
17:47and we've never kept score and we've always had fun.
17:51Now, what did I come out here for?
17:53Oh, yes.
17:54Your father's fixing the fridge.
18:03Funny, sweetheart.
18:04Never mind about the fridge.
18:06There's something wrong with this garage door.
18:08I'll tell you.
18:09Oh.
18:10I'm honest, I'm telling you.
18:11I'm honest, I can tell you.
18:12Oh, God.
18:13Oh, no.
18:14I'm honest, I can tell you.
18:16Michael, we need to talk!
18:17And I'm over here.
18:19Oh, God.
18:24What are we gonna do?
18:25Well, you could.
18:26And I know this is a radical suggestion.
18:29Be a man.
18:31You're right, Dylan. No more excuses.
18:36She will crush him, yes?
18:37Like a pathetic worm.
18:40So, Michael.
18:42So, Jackie.
18:45I didn't mean to make you hang up on me. I'm sorry. What happened again?
18:50It's OK. You were obviously under a bad influence.
18:53Yeah.
18:56Michael, I'm thirsty. Get me a drink of pop.
18:58Right.
19:01What was that sound?
19:04Sounded like two balls being broken.
19:07I am ashamed to know you.
19:10Oh, yeah.
19:12Well, I'll tell you what, hands up all those who are getting it.
19:16Anybody else getting any?
19:17Hmm?
19:18Saul? Dylan?
19:19Yeah, all right, mate.
19:21Yeah.
19:21Yeah.
19:21What are you doing?
19:37Oh, just throwing some arrows, waiting for an apology.
19:40Oh, well, when you think of a good one, let me know, huh?
19:42OK, look, we're both acting like idiots, and I'm sorry.
19:48Yeah, I'm, uh...
19:49I'm sorry, too.
19:55Maybe we just shouldn't play darts anymore.
19:58Or any game, for that matter.
20:00Yeah, maybe you're right.
20:02End of an era, eh?
20:03Do you remember when we were eight, and I beat you arm wrestling?
20:12Yeah, when I lost, you said I had to eat mud.
20:17Come on, how about one last game?
20:22If I lose, do I have to eat mud?
20:24We'll see.
20:24I win.
20:36She cheated.
20:36You didn't just use both hands.
20:37You used your entire body.
20:40Where are you going?
20:41I'm getting a piece of mud.
20:43Oh, not while I still breathe.
20:47Oh, any time you want to submit, just let me know.
20:50Big Daddy will never be defeated.
20:54What?
21:01Nothing.
21:05Donna!
21:06That's my cat.
21:07You better go.
21:08Bye.
21:08See ya.
21:09Wait, wait, who won?
21:11Who cares?
21:12Not me.
21:13Cool.
21:15Well, that was pretty pathetic, Eric.
21:17What?
21:18Come on, I'm going to teach you how to arm wrestle.
21:20We've got four hours till your bedtime.
21:22By the time we finish, you're going to wish you never had biceps.
21:25I want to see you get down there and do 20 press-ups.
21:28But I thought that...
21:30The mum needed your help.
21:32Sorry, I can't hear you.
21:33Do the ironing.
21:36But she was using both hands.
21:38Son, she's a girl.
21:42No excuses.
21:43Now get down there.
21:44One.
21:52Two.
22:02Two.
22:0220. Okay. Now the real work begins. Let's arm wrestle.
22:21Sir Meg hasn't given him a room key. He's not supposed to be in the West Midlands, let alone the motel.
22:26But he's so desperate to see her that he pushes past Benny. And there she is.
22:30Oh, isn't that romantic?
22:33Say, yes, it is.
22:35Yes, it is.
22:38Don't you just love romantic scenes?
22:41Yes, I do.
22:43Yes, I do.
22:46Do you know what makes a good romantic scene?
22:48That night we went skinny dipping in the reservoir. Remember?
22:54No, describe it to me.
22:57No, describe it to me.
23:00Michael, you're so naughty.
23:02Okay, well, the water was really cold. So when I dived in, well, you know.
23:10No, I don't know.
23:11Dad, about this table.
23:21Eric.
23:21What about the table?
23:23It's just that it's so nifty, Ron.
23:25Well, I think I should shave the legs down.
23:27That would ruin it.
23:32For God's sake, woman, I know how to cut the legs off a table.
23:35Yeah, you're telling me.
23:36What did you say?
23:38Nothing.
23:39Nothing at all.
23:40I know how to cut the legs off a table.
23:41I know how to cut it off.
23:42Well, I don't know.
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