Let's Talk About The Stuff We Usually Avoid | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 60) - video Dailymotion

Lerin Gaines

Let's Talk About The Stuff We Usually Avoid | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 60)  "Where Everyday Conversations Lead to Financial Awareness"  Featuring: Coaching Sessions Thursday, Mentorship Series  Thursday | October 01st, 2026  Broadcasting on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES  https://leringaines.com https://linktr.ee/leringaines https://www.facebook.com/leringaines http://instagram.com/leringaines https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines http://twitter.com/leringaines https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines https://kick.com/leringaines https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines  Song of The Day: "Come and Talk To Me" by Jodeci Released 1991 | Forever My Lady  Burning Questions for Reflections! What conversation about money or life have you been avoiding, and what could change if you finally had it?  Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions...  Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com  DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, KICK, Twitch, DailyMotion)  Check out my FREE Monthly digital Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!  #LerinGaines #FinancialCoach #BlackDiamondConsultations #DebtFreeLiving #WhispersofWisdom #VacationWithMe #BurningQuestions #Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #KICK #Twitch #DailyMotion #BlackDiamondConsultationsNetwork #411PODCAST #DISC6 #Vitality  DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.  411 PODCAST DISC 6: Vitality Track 60: Let's Talk About The Stuff We Usually Avoid ©️ 2026 Black Diamond Consultations Network LerinGaines.com

Transcript

04:09So grab your journal, open your mind, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

04:15Here, we don't just talk, we transform lives.

04:17And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and financial coach, Laren Gaines.

04:38Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome on in to another episode of the 411 Podcast.

04:46I am going to put it out of the 411 Podcast, I am going to put it out there right

04:49now.

04:50The devil is a liar.

04:52There's like some little technical difficulty issues that have been trying to like pop up as we started this show.

04:58And I've been waiting for this episode for such a long time.

05:03So we're going to say it, we're going to talk about the 411 Podcast.

05:08Welcome to the 411 Podcast, episode 60.

05:13Let's talk about the stuff we usually avoid.

05:15And I have such a wonderful, beautiful guest here. I said, I've been waiting for this for a minute. The

05:21topic is right. The burning questions is right. The featured guest is right. So we're going to do this thing.

05:28The devil is a liar. So welcome on in. Thank you so much. The best thing that you could possibly

05:35do, please go ahead and like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend, text a friend, do whatever you need to

05:42do to invite them into the 411 podcast.

05:45You never know what breakthrough moments will come through. So as you come through, you never know what breakthrough moments

05:51will definitely come through. So go ahead and reach out and share this podcast out. I want to say thank

05:57you to each and every one of you for rocking with me, especially my day ones. I want to say

06:00what's up to Ms. SOS. Say what's up to Birdman. Say what's up to all of the special guests this

06:06week. Thank you all so much for joining in because I most certainly cannot do this without you. And of

06:11course, I have to thank my executive producer.

06:13I want to thank God for giving me the strength, the courage, the wisdom, the understanding, and his burning passion

06:19to continuously come out here and give you all the 411 podcast.

06:32Ms. Shanti B will be in shortly. And she always comes with the wisdom, certified mental health coach. We've had

06:42some great people on this weekend. This is just adding to the lineup.

06:47But you know, this time for my favorite, one of my favorite segments of the show. Let's get into it.

06:56Song of the day.

07:061991. I was so young. So young, but music was so good back then. Come and talk to me by

07:17Jodeci off of the Forever My Lady album.

07:22Now, you know, we're going to remix it because that's what we do here. So instead of asking somebody to

07:28come and talk to you, instead of going out yesterday, I spoke about why we experience so many things in

07:35life because we're too busy seeking validation outside of ourselves.

07:39So instead of seeking, begging somebody to come and talk to you, the question that I have is, when is

07:48the last time that you talk to yourself?

07:51I can even take it back to the Stevie joint, have a talk with God. When have you sat down?

07:57When have you thought about everything that you've been going through?

08:00When have you reflected? When have you had time to talk to yourself? We are so busy getting validation outside

08:10of self. So busy asking somebody to talk to us.

08:15I can even take it to my girl, Mary. She has a song called Talk to Me off of the

08:19Growing Pains album, basically begging and pleading and asking somebody to talk.

08:24Listen, my mentor said, Laren, you don't have to chase because when you understand and you know who you are,

08:32they will chase you.

08:35I'll say that again. You don't have to chase because when you understand and you know who you are, they

08:42will chase you.

08:43And you might be like, well, that's just crazy because I don't want people to be chasing me and all

08:47these other things.

08:48And I get that, too. Nobody really wants to be chased. I mean, in the beginning, it's fun, but after

08:53a while, it can get kind of annoying.

08:55But basically what that is saying is that when you understand and know who you are, the right people will

09:03be able to gravitate towards you.

09:05You won't need to seek validation outside of self. You won't need to abandon yourself.

09:10You won't need to step outside of who you are just to step in line with somebody else's program.

09:16See, when you are on the right frequency and you are vibrating on the right frequency, the right people will

09:24come to you.

09:25And I know I'm going deep with this.

09:28If you are experiencing hell, if you're experiencing drama, if you're experiencing stress, anxiety, whatever you want to call it

09:35in your life.

09:38Most of the time, it's because we're vibrating on a wrong frequency or that's just a level of where you're

09:45at right now in your life.

09:46But remember, I spoke about how we write our own stories so you can write yourself up out of that.

09:52You can think positive, beautiful, wonderful things about yourself and pull yourself up out of that lower vibrational state.

09:59And that comes from turning inward. Everything starts with self.

10:02So instead of seeking validation outside, instead of begging and pleading and asking somebody to talk to you, to be

10:10with you, how about we get it together with self first?

10:14Because everything starts with self.

10:16And remember, like I said, whenever I minister to you, I'm ministering to myself.

10:21Everything that we experience in life, good, bad, ugly, is all a reflection of what our internal thoughts have been.

10:29Everything that you were experiencing in your life, it has nothing to do with anybody else, but it has everything

10:35to do with you.

10:36Maybe you allowed this situation to carry on.

10:39Maybe you signed up for something.

10:41Maybe you stayed a little bit longer than what you originally intended.

10:44Maybe you said yes, when in reality, you really should have said no.

10:49If you're anything like I used to be, you would just point fingers and blame and speculate and all these

10:57other crazy things that we know how to do.

10:59But today, like I said, everything starts with self.

11:04Focus on self first.

11:07And that's just pretty much it.

11:09Everything starts with self.

11:11Turn inward.

11:13Move that energy inward instead of pushing it out.

11:17Because sometimes when you push all of that energy out and you're so busy chasing and seeking validation, as much

11:22as you push that energy out, basically all you're doing is pushing those people on those situations and those scenarios

11:27away from you.

11:29And like I've always say, what happens when you chase a dog?

11:34They run.

11:35They think it's a game.

11:36But when you turn and you start to run in the other direction, most of the time, that dog is

11:42going to end up chasing you.

11:44Song of the day.

11:45Come and talk to me.

11:471991.

11:48Jodeci off of the Forever My Lady album.

12:00We talking today.

12:02We talking today.

12:03Asking people to come talk to us.

12:05We talking to ourselves.

12:07So we're going to talk about the stuff that we usually avoid.

12:10And I have a special guest that's going to help me with that.

12:15Miss Shawnee B.

12:16Let's get her on the phone and see what she has to say.

12:33Hello, hello, hello.

12:34What's going on?

12:37How are you?

12:38How are you doing?

12:39Good.

12:40Good to see you.

12:41Always good to see you.

12:43You're going to do this again.

12:45Oh, your boy messed up last time.

12:47That's all right.

12:49We had a good show.

12:50We had a good show.

12:52That was still available on audio.

12:54The visual just got jacked up.

12:56That's all right.

12:58Now they get to see.

13:00Right.

13:01Right.

13:02Which actually, I think this is like one of the first times.

13:06Because we've done it.

13:08Yeah, that was the first time I had it.

13:09I think this is the first time.

13:11Yeah.

13:13So, where are you located at?

13:15Let everybody know.

13:18I am in Houston, Texas.

13:22The weather is nice out there, huh?

13:24I got a friend out there, Birdman313.

13:26He talks about it all the time.

13:29It's all right.

13:30We're expecting a lot of rain this weekend.

13:33So, it's all right.

13:35Now, you don't like the heat or you do?

13:38Hell no.

13:40Sugar melts.

13:41No.

13:41It's been too hot.

13:43I'm welcome in this rain.

13:46Yeah, sugar melts.

13:47No, it's too hot.

13:48I can't with you.

13:50No.

13:53I love the heat.

13:55Burn me up.

13:57I love the heat.

13:59No, thank you.

13:59Okay.

14:03So, let everybody know who you are, where you're at, and where we can, you know, find

14:09you on social media and stuff like that.

14:11Okay.

14:11I am Shanti B. I am a Master Certified Mental Health Coach, Mental Health Advocate.

14:18I'm a speaker.

14:18I host workshops.

14:20I do one-on-one coaching, group support.

14:23I am an author.

14:25I am currently working on my second book.

14:27I can't wait until it drops, but my current book is Quiet is Kept, available everywhere

14:33books are sold.

14:34And, again, I'm in Houston, and you can find me all across social media at Shanti B. Says.

14:43Everywhere.

14:44Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube.

14:48So, go find me and subscribe.

14:51Yes, that's what's up.

14:53Now, Quiet is Kept was the first one.

14:56Now, I know that you've shared with us on the last podcast that, you know, you went

15:01through something in life, so you're on a different journey now.

15:05Yes.

15:06Is that what the book's going to be about, or is it something totally different?

15:09Totally different.

15:11Okay.

15:12Okay.

15:12Well, that's good.

15:13That's good.

15:14I felt like when you were on last time, I resonated exactly with you because I was there

15:21before, and I think you coming on podcasts, I think you speaking and sharing your life

15:27story is good because that's what actually helped me get into a better space.

15:32And then I think eventually, one day you'll just wake up and you'll be like, I don't even

15:35feel like putting energy towards that anymore.

15:38Yeah.

15:39That's exactly what it is.

15:43Is that where you think you're at now on your journey?

15:46I know that I am not the same person I was.

15:49When we spoke and when we were talking about my book, Quiet is Kept, I am so different from

15:55who that person is.

15:57I'm different from who that person was in that book.

15:59You know, I honor her.

16:01She went through what she went through.

16:03This right here, totally different.

16:05And you'll see that in my next book.

16:07It is, uh, it's based on my journey, but it's not about me.

16:14Okay.

16:15Okay.

16:15That's, that's fair enough.

16:16Fair enough.

16:17So when, uh, can we see that happening?

16:20Hopefully before the end of the year, if not at the beginning of the new year.

16:25Okay.

16:26Okay.

16:28So certified mental health coach.

16:30Um, how did that come about?

16:33Um, I know I probably asked you this before, but we got a lot of newcomers here accidentally

16:37on purpose, I believe, because when I first started my business, first of all, I never

16:42intended on starting a business.

16:44Uh, but when I first started, I was creating guided journals and guided journals are journals

16:51that are specific to a topic.

16:52So the person who's journaling can focus on that one topic, because I, that's what helped

16:58me through my journey.

16:59You know, uh, when I went to therapy, after I had a nervous breakdown, um, my therapist

17:04recommended that I journal and I was totally against it.

17:08I'm like, I'm not journaling.

17:09You know, black people don't do that.

17:10So, uh, she let me realize at the time that that was my mindset.

17:17So, uh, and she introduced me to a form of journaling called guided journaling, where

17:23you are answering specific prompts to help you with your situation.

17:27So, you know, once I got the hang of it and saw that it was helping me, I'm like, okay,

17:32let's work.

17:33And I felt compelled to share because I know I was the one going through what I was going

17:40through.

17:41So I said, okay, I need to help somebody else.

17:43So I created guided journals and I had, and when I started, I had 26 different guided journals

17:49from self-esteem, self-reviewed, finance, you name it.

17:53I had the journal for it.

17:55And if I didn't have it, I wouldn't make it for it.

17:58And, uh, and that's all I was doing.

18:01And then I was at a vending, I was at an event vending and the host came up to me

18:07and was

18:07like, you're ready to speak.

18:09And I'm like, speak to who?

18:12She said, my speaker didn't show up.

18:14I need you to get up on stage.

18:16And I'm like, no, I didn't come here to do that.

18:18I came here to sell my journals cause I've never spoken before.

18:21You know, I'm comfortable speaking to somebody at my table.

18:24So that's different, but to get up in front of a group of students, child, but I say no,

18:31but I want to think that after I had a full blown panic attack, I went in the back and

18:37cried and took breaths.

18:39And then I got on stage and did my thing.

18:41And ever since then, uh, I have been getting asked to speak.

18:45So that's how I started speaking.

18:46And then somebody asked me, well, do you coach?

18:49And I'm like, no, I ain't qualified to coach nobody.

18:53And they convinced me.

18:54Yes, you are.

18:55Your story needs to, you know, you, you are perfect for doing that.

19:00And I'm like, well, okay, I'll give it a shot.

19:02And so once I started coaching, it just blew up because I believe it's because of my authenticity,

19:09because I will, I'm the type of person, if you ask me a question, I'm going to answer.

19:14So be prepared for the answer, you know, I don't hold back, you know, I'm going to answer

19:20you, be ready for it.

19:22And, you know, that's how my business has grown now.

19:27Wow.

19:28You, uh, said so many things.

19:31And the first part, you kind of chuckled a little bit.

19:35It's kind of funny, but it's not funny.

19:37You said black people don't do that.

19:39Now, when it comes to mental health, though, there's a lot of things that people think,

19:44that, you know, our culture don't do, such as actually have mental health issues.

19:49And if you think about it, after all of the things that, you know, some of us have been

19:53through, we would be the number one, you know, group would, who would have mental health issues.

19:59But to say that, you know, that doesn't happen or what goes on in this house stays in this

20:07house type stuff.

20:08That's how a lot of us stay stuck.

20:09Yeah.

20:10Yeah.

20:10And that was.

20:11No.

20:14So now, now, now I know we spoke about this before too, that, and this goes for anybody

20:19out here who might be wanting to break through, who might, you know, enjoy what we're speaking

20:25about and say, Hey, guess what?

20:27You know what?

20:27Me too.

20:28Um, when you step out, people who are stuck.

20:33And I'll say that again, when you step out, the people who are stuck, that are surrounded

20:38around you will start to look at you as if you're crazy.

20:41Absolutely.

20:43Absolutely.

20:43They'll think you can be strong.

20:48So is it wrong to stay stuck?

20:52Like that's what happens.

20:54That's what the, what goes on in people's minds.

20:56Is it wrong that I stay stuck or is it right that I stand up and I do something a

21:00little

21:00bit different?

21:01It's all about perspective.

21:04You know, somebody who's stuck might not even know they're stuck.

21:07A lot of times that's what it is.

21:09They don't even know they're stuck.

21:10All they know is what they know and they're comfortable in that position.

21:14But then you'll have people that know they're stuck, but are afraid to change because change

21:19is uncomfortable.

21:20Growth is very uncomfortable.

21:22And some people like me, I don't like being comfortable because if I'm comfortable, that

21:28means I'm stuck.

21:29And I had to learn that because for a long, for the longest, I thought, okay, I'm fine.

21:34This is what I'm going to be doing, blah, blah, blah.

21:36But once I started, got deeper into my healing journey, I started looking at things and people

21:41so differently and it was up for me.

21:45I'm like, oh, okay, I'm capable of this, this, this, this, and okay, it's all now.

21:48So, yeah, when you decide to go into your healing journey, yes, people will think you are crazy.

21:56They're going to say, oh, you changed, you acting funny.

21:59Is, am, because I want more for myself.

22:01And the people who don't want more for themselves will look at you as if you're doing something

22:09wrong because you want better for yourself.

22:10You want to grow, you want to heal, and you want a better life.

22:14It is what it is.

22:15And I guarantee people will fall off, even family.

22:20Yeah, I was listening to a podcast and they say, listen, when you start to level up, when

22:25you start to vibrate on different levels, don't worry about people are not reaching out

22:30to you.

22:31They will actually stop reaching out to you and that's fine.

22:36But what happens is, is when we start to reach back, we start to turn around and we start

22:42to try to pull them up or ask, why aren't you calling me anymore?

22:45Or what happened?

22:46They will just fall off naturally.

22:48And if we could just deal with the process of them falling off naturally, then things

22:52will be so much better.

22:54Attachment to other people, places, and things is what actually causes most of the issues

22:58that we have in our world.

23:00Exactly.

23:02Yeah.

23:04People are so used to what they're used to.

23:07And so if you've been with somebody so long or you have family and you see once, like again,

23:16when you're healing, you start looking at things differently.

23:19So once, whatever was okay back then, before you started healing, it ain't okay no more.

23:24And that's when, and I think the hardest part of healing is the grief because you have to

23:29grieve people who are still alive because they don't fit into your, they don't fit anymore

23:36or you don't fit anymore.

23:38You've grown outside of that box.

23:39So you're having to, you know, you're evolving while they're staying there.

23:44And initially when I started my healing journey, I wanted everybody to heal with me.

23:48Come on.

23:49I tried with my daughters, my mama, my daddy, my, my ex-pouse and, uh, no, they didn't want

23:55to heal.

23:56And so I was like, okay, well, I'm not going to stop healing because you don't want to heal.

24:01I'm going to keep healing.

24:02And that's when you find out who's for you and who is not, including family.

24:08That is so powerful that you said that.

24:11So, um, how's your relationship with some of those?

24:16Because there's a couple of things that could happen.

24:19You can be that person that say, wow, I want you to heal.

24:23And then you can sort of get a little frustrated with people.

24:25Cause I know I did too, especially with the financial aspect.

24:29Like I'm explaining this to you.

24:31I'm showing you this.

24:32This is a new principle.

24:33This is a new concept that I learned.

24:35If you do this, this is what is bound to happen because the Bible says so.

24:41Right.

24:41So I'm going through all of these things.

24:43And then I realized that some people don't want to go on that journey.

24:46So I found myself being angry.

24:48I found myself being upset at them.

24:51But then there's another point where you're just like, well, you know what?

24:53You have to accept people for who they are.

24:55And God gave people.

24:57And leave them where they're at.

24:58Yeah.

25:00Exactly.

25:01Yeah.

25:01Leave them where they're at.

25:02Yeah.

25:03So how is your relationship with some of those people now?

25:09Me and my daughters, they have finally started their healing journey.

25:12So we're good.

25:14You know, my mom, you know, she don't want to heal.

25:18I accept her for who she is.

25:20And, you know, we, we get along and I love her from a distance and I'm no longer married.

25:28So that tells you that right there.

25:30Mm hmm.

25:32That is so profound that you said that when it comes to like parents and people who are older,

25:40they say that sometimes people are, you know, that thing stuck in their ways.

25:44Stuck in their ways.

25:45Yeah.

25:46Have you had like older people come to you and say, I'm ready for change?

25:52When it comes to your coaching practice?

25:54Yes.

25:55I had a 72 year old woman come to me for coaching.

25:59And I said, I went on, instantly went on social media.

26:04I don't want to hear none of y'all shit.

26:05If this 72 year old woman can come and say, I'm ready for change.

26:09Y'all don't have no excuse.

26:11Does that be the thing with older people?

26:12Oh, I'm too old.

26:14Or I'm, this lady was 72.

26:17Mm hmm.

26:18And I just admired her so much for willing to take, cause it's scary.

26:24It is.

26:25It is very scary going through it because you would just don't know, you know, you have

26:30to relearn things.

26:31You have to look within and peel off layers and heal through past stuff.

26:37And she was willing to do it.

26:39So yes, I've had, and I would tell somebody, 72 year old client, and I'm nowhere near 72.

26:46She came to me wanting to heal.

26:48And she did.

26:51Now, would you say that somebody has made it when they learn how to forgive the other

26:59person?

27:01Or does it really start when?

27:02Um, okay.

27:04So on the forgiveness journey.

27:08Okay.

27:09Cause I, I've dealt with this before where I said that I forgave you, but in reality, I

27:14really didn't.

27:15I said that I forgave you, but deep down inside, I still had this issue.

27:20And when I heard your name, saw you in the streets, whatever the case may be, something

27:25was still stirring up inside of me.

27:27So do you think that people have made it on their forgiveness journey when they actually

27:35are happy for the other person?

27:37They want no ill will.

27:38They sort of pray for the other person.

27:40Is that a good indication?

27:45The misconception about forgiveness is that you could say, oh, I forgive you.

27:49And that's the end of it.

27:51No, that's not the end of it.

27:52You might have to forgive the same person for the same shit a million times.

27:57But how you know is when nothing triggers you.

28:02There you go.

28:03The smell, the provider's reaction, or you talk about your story without getting upset.

28:08That's when you know you've made it.

28:10That's the end of it.

28:11There you go.

28:13And then those things that, and the forgiveness is never about the other person.

28:17Never.

28:18It's about you.

28:20And what people think is that, okay, I forgive them and think that's it.

28:25You don't have to do no work.

28:26No.

28:26The things that triggered you, those smells, whatever that stirred up in you, that made

28:31you mad all over again after you already said you forgave them, that's what you need

28:35to work on.

28:36What about that situation?

28:40That's a good word.

28:41That's what I was looking for, triggers.

28:43Because you forgive the person.

28:46You know, everything is okay.

28:48Like you said, the smells, the places that we went to, all of those things.

28:52I feel great about it.

28:54I could actually pray for you and be happy.

28:57Maybe, you know, you found somebody else.

29:00You got a new job.

29:01Whatever the case may be with the work dynamic, relationship dynamic.

29:05Everything's great.

29:06Then you enter into another scenario.

29:08And this is where God and this is where the universe shows up and says, okay, you said

29:13that you healed.

29:14You said that you forgive.

29:15Now I'm going to test you to see if that is exactly true.

29:20So some things will happen all over again to see exactly how you handle it.

29:26And can I tell you that I sit and I'm like, God, I can't believe that you are showing me

29:35this because I've done this before.

29:37I've been, I've done this before, but I guess as you want to see if I react or I black

29:42out

29:42like I used to in the past, or can I speak to somebody?

29:46It's the same exact scenario.

29:48Same things happen over and over again.

29:50And I'm like, wow, I guess I learned my lesson.

29:53You can get speaking properly, either engaging or not engaging.

29:58Yeah.

29:59Yeah.

30:00The same thing will always come up in different forms, different person.

30:04That's good.

30:05Same scenario.

30:07That means you ain't learned the lesson.

30:08I was looking for that.

30:25We got a little dilemma.

30:27Okay.

30:27Yeah.

30:27I was about to say this.

30:32You're freezing up on me.

30:41There's a little delay here.

30:50That's unfortunate because we was having a great conversation too.

30:54That's terrible.

30:54No, you're just fine.

30:55You're just from.

30:56Hmm.

31:00I don't even know.

31:01The devil is busy.

31:02But let's go for a little break here and see what happens.

31:31Another body.

31:32I think the dream.

31:39Like we, uh, here we are.

31:43Hey.

31:45We were going in and having a great conversation and I don't know what the heck happened.

31:50I couldn't hear you.

31:51You're fine.

31:51I just couldn't see you.

31:52You had frozen.

31:53Wow.

31:54Okay.

31:55Okay.

31:55And now I'm on the other side and you on the other side.

31:58All right.

31:59We're back.

32:00Okay.

32:00We, we deal with it.

32:01We back.

32:02Um, so yeah, that was good about the triggers and the forgiveness and things of that nature.

32:10Um, do, um, us a favor one more time and let people know, um, your social media handles and all

32:17that good stuff.

32:18Um, uh, I am at Shanti B says on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, go follow and like, subscribe, comment.

32:29And I love to talk back.

32:32Yeah.

32:33So I, I want to, uh, comment that you do love to, uh, talk.

32:38Shanti, Shanti says, so you have a lot to say on media.

32:43I love your comment.

32:44Um, you always have something to say and it's real life stuff where you're like, you know what, she's telling

32:52the truth.

32:53Um, I remember one of my favorite memorable ones was, and I tried to say this last time, but I

33:02couldn't really get it out.

33:03But somewhere along the lines of, listen, I'm not going through that.

33:10I used to go through it in the past.

33:12And if you think that I'm going to go through it these days, you said something along the lines of,

33:17I wish the F I would.

33:21The old version of yourself.

33:24Yeah.

33:27So, so when you're creating your content, where does that come from?

33:30Do you dig deep into something that you went through in the past or is this more so of, you

33:37know, these are real life scenarios.

33:39I'm interacting with these people on a daily, weekly basis.

33:43You know, I'm, I'm drawing some of the energy from there.

33:46Where does that come from?

33:47Or a mixture of both.

33:48Who knows?

33:49I don't talk about anything that I have not gone through.

33:53So everything is based on what I have gone through in my past.

33:59And this is a different version of me looking back saying, okay, no, we ain't doing this.

34:03And let me tell everybody else.

34:04This is what used to be.

34:07We ain't doing that no more.

34:08So, yeah, no, I wish the F I would.

34:11Yeah.

34:12Do you, do you get, do you get nervous to the point of like, wow, like I either keep talking

34:21about the same things or I don't want to talk about the same things.

34:25Do you ever get to that point or do you, do you feel that you'll run out of stuff to

34:28speak about?

34:31No, I don't.

34:33And it's because this is my purpose.

34:36God got me doing this.

34:37This is.

34:38Otherwise, I wouldn't be doing this.

34:41Because, you know, nobody want to hear this.

34:43Nobody wants to face themselves.

34:45But I have, I have to talk about it.

34:48So, no, I never, and if I got to talk about the same thing 10,000 times, I will.

34:53You know, that's a good point because I remember when I first started talking and sharing my story, there was

35:03a point where I kind of was like, eh, I don't really want to talk about it anymore.

35:07And I kind of shied away from it.

35:10And then people who weren't healed, they didn't want me to talk about it for the obvious reason because they

35:15weren't healed.

35:17Then something happened.

35:18No, no, no, no, no.

35:19This is not about me.

35:20This is about the bigger picture.

35:22So, the more that I speak about this, the better off and the easier that it became, too, for me.

35:29Because at first I was just looking, you know, towards me.

35:33Yes.

35:34Like, when you first start talking about your past and what you've gone through, it is hard.

35:39Very hard.

35:40Because it's like you reliving it.

35:44Essentially, those feelings come back.

35:46But the more you talk about it, you're not only healing yourself, you're healing somebody else.

35:52Because somebody out there, no matter who they are, where they come from, what they look like, what they got,

35:57what they don't have, they need to hear your story.

36:02Because you never want, when you're going through something, you always feel like you're alone.

36:06And that's the reason why I shout from the rooftops everything I've been going through.

36:11Because I never want anybody to feel like they were alone.

36:13Because I used to feel like I was the only one in the world going through what I was going

36:17through.

36:17And it turns out, no, I wasn't.

36:19People just weren't talking about it.

36:20So, that's why I talk about it.

36:22Because I don't want anybody to feel like they're going through anything alone.

36:26Okay, so now going through things alone, you've been through things.

36:32To help people out there, especially those that are listening, what are some scenarios that you come across on a

36:39daily, weekly basis?

36:41Or maybe some things that you went through.

36:43And I'll just go through some scenarios.

36:44Because I want to, I know we spoke about this before, like what your ideal client is that you like

36:49to work with.

36:50So, I'm trying to help people out there.

36:52Whether you've been through a divorce, whether you have self-esteem issues, whether you're a single parent.

36:59You know, these are some sort of things.

37:01So, what do you come across on a typical basis?

37:07Lately, it has been relationship issues.

37:10Whether it is, you know, dating, relationships, family relationships, family dynamics, marriage, divorce.

37:21I could talk about all of that.

37:23Because I haven't been through all of that.

37:25But lately, like my, I just got off the call right before our hours, dating relationship.

37:33So, yeah, all of that.

37:34Oh, now see, then that's a great journey that we can go down.

37:37So, now, 2026, relationships and dating.

37:42Is that something that you're doing?

37:44Yes, I'm booed up.

37:49Well, now, was it easy?

37:52Or, okay, was it easy?

37:54Was it hard for people who are trying to date in this era?

37:57Is it easy?

37:59Do you think it's...

38:00No, it's not easy.

38:01There are a limited amount of quality people out there.

38:05And you are what you attract.

38:08Definitely, you are what you attract.

38:10So, if you...

38:11You can say all day, I want this, this, this, this, but is that you?

38:16Because typically, when we are dating, we are dating a mirror.

38:21So, something in them is a reflection of you.

38:25So, you have...

38:26That's why you have to heal from within.

38:28You got to start with yourself.

38:29If you want to attract what you really want.

38:32You can't...

38:32You have your nerve saying, I want this, this, this, and this.

38:35And you can't provide it.

38:37Yeah, you should have.

38:40That is so true.

38:43Everything that you are experiencing is you pushed out into the universe.

38:48Interesting.

38:49So, now, people who are pissed off, upset, they're ready to break up, they're ready to get a divorce.

38:56Is that something that they created?

38:59What do you mean by that?

39:02Okay.

39:03Like you said, we are what we attract, right?

39:06So, we're all mirrors.

39:09So, if you are experiencing something that is not good, maybe somebody who's disrespectful, you probably have some of those

39:19qualities within yourself.

39:21So, if you are unhappy in that type of scenario, is that something that you created?

39:29I want to say yes and no.

39:32Of course, a person is going to be unfaithful.

39:35That's their character.

39:36But what that means, if you stay with someone who is unfaithful to you, and you, oh, I'll make it

39:44better, I'll do this.

39:46Basically, that's you lowering your self-worth.

39:50You don't think highly of yourself.

39:52Your self-esteem ain't that great.

39:54You don't love yourself to be putting up with the things you put up with.

39:58So, that's the kind of mirror I'm saying.

40:01Okay, okay, okay.

40:02Now, I get it.

40:02So, for example, you might be with somebody and you find out that that person is cheating or that person

40:10is lying or doing something, you know, that they shouldn't be doing.

40:15The minute that you get up and take responsibility for yourself, then you could back away and say, okay, there's

40:21no fault here.

40:21But if you stay in that situation, if you try to engage and think that you can change another human

40:27being, that's when, yeah, okay.

40:31You cannot fix another person.

40:34No one person can fix somebody else.

40:37And you can't love somebody into healing.

40:41I try.

40:43So, no, you can love somebody all day long and want it to work out, but if they don't want

40:48to change, they don't want to do their healing work, they don't want to do the work that's necessary.

40:52We all make mistakes.

40:54We're human.

40:54I cheated in my marriage, but I corrected myself.

40:58I make corrective action.

41:00And grace was given to me.

41:08Now, I have to back up.

41:10You ain't supposed to tell the good people that.

41:13Why?

41:15Did you tell your partner that you cheated?

41:19I did.

41:21Oh, you did?

41:22Okay.

41:23I did.

41:25Well, okay.

41:26Okay.

41:27I told you to be ready for the answer.

41:30So, no, and that's what, in my book, I talk about that in my book, Quietest Count.

41:35I guess I wasn't faithful in my marriage.

41:38And grace was given to me, and we worked on it, worked through it.

41:41So, I thought I was forgiven, but essentially, I was not forgiven.

41:49Ah, now see, there you go.

41:52What about the saying that once a cheater, always a cheater?

41:56Do you believe that?

41:58We all have the tendency.

42:00Everybody has the tendency.

42:01Cheating is a choice.

42:04So, it's all about what you're choosing.

42:06It's all about what you're choosing.

42:07You can't make a mistake and slip and fall into somebody's bed.

42:10It's intentional.

42:14Yes.

42:15Oh, my goodness.

42:17Yeah, you bringing it.

42:20Do you believe in karma, though?

42:24Absolutely.

42:25But all karma is bad.

42:28Hmm.

42:30You believe you can fix things and change the course?

42:35Like, if you've done something bad and you're like, wow, I did something that's bad.

42:40Let me go ahead and do some good deeds to change it.

42:44Do you believe that you can change the course of your karma?

42:47Absolutely.

42:49Okay.

42:50Yes.

42:50You can.

42:51You take accountability, you repent, and do better.

42:56Yes, you can.

42:59I'm feeling that.

43:00I'm feeling that.

43:01There's some people that believe that, you know, once you do something, it's going to

43:08mean to you long down the road.

43:10I don't know if it's going to be tomorrow, next week, next month.

43:16But see, the thing is, when people don't understand, it might not happen to you.

43:20It might happen to your children.

43:22It might happen to children.

43:24Children's children is generational.

43:26You just never know how it's going to happen.

43:28That's why you have to do your best to be a good person every day.

43:32Yes.

43:33We're human.

43:33We don't always make the right choices, no matter how far in life we are or how experienced

43:39we are.

43:40Shit happens sometimes.

43:42But, you know, you may take corrective action.

43:45That don't excuse you from, you know, getting what you deserve.

43:47You're going to get it some kind of way.

43:51That is so true.

43:53That is one lesson that I, you know, almost forgot about is that, yes, it most certainly

44:00can come in different forms.

44:02It may not come back to you.

44:03It can come through your children, which this is why you have to be very careful the way

44:08you treat people.

44:09And one of my friends said a great thing.

44:12The same way that we started this relationship, the same way we started this friendship is

44:17the same way we're going to end it.

44:19I'm always a firm believer of making sure that we end in a peaceful way, the same way we

44:26started this thing is how we're going to end it.

44:28You don't want to burn any bridges.

44:31Right.

44:32And that's why it's always good to forgive.

44:35It is.

44:36But you can only control you.

44:38You know, you can't control what the other person's going to do.

44:43But I know I can control me.

44:47Yes, that is so true.

44:51So what's coming down the pike within, you know, maybe the next 30 days?

44:57What's new for you?

44:59I just released a new course called Choose Yourself Without Apologizing.

45:06It was supposed to be a live workshop, virtual, but nobody signed up.

45:12So I turned it into a course.

45:14And now it's a self-paced course.

45:16It's a self-paced course.

45:17It's available on my website, ShantiB.com.

45:21I am actually going to be hosting an in-person workshop through NAMI, National Alliance

45:27of Mental Illness, and Corpus Christi on the weekend of October 23rd.

45:32So I'm hosting a workshop there.

45:34And then I'm speaking at the Sisterhood Business Brunch on Sunday.

45:40And all of this is that Sunday on the 25th.

45:43This is all, that's in Houston.

45:45In November, I am going to be speaking at the Black Mental Wellness Conference.

45:55I'm doing all kinds of stuff.

45:58I can't keep up.

45:59And I'm so glad about it.

46:00I'm busy.

46:01She's busy.

46:02That's good.

46:03That's good.

46:05So choose, what's the title of that again?

46:08Choose Yourself First?

46:09Choose Yourself Without Apologizing.

46:12Without apologizing.

46:13Because a lot of people, and the reason why I got that course is I was hosting a support group.

46:19And we were talking about choosing yourself.

46:22And essentially, while my marriage isn't, while I'm not married anymore, I'm trying to find my words.

46:29The reason why I'm not married anymore is because I decided to choose myself.

46:34And, you know, I went to my support group talking about choosing yourself.

46:38And there are consequences of choosing yourself because a lot of people don't like it.

46:41Choosing yourself means boundaries.

46:44Not being selfish and, you know, not in that sense, but choosing yourself meaning I'm looking out for me first.

46:55You know, we take care of everybody else and then we leave ourselves with crumbs.

47:00And, you know, my position now, because I used to do it, and my position now is I deserve the

47:05whole cake.

47:06Don't come up here with no crumbs.

47:08So I'm going to get the cake.

47:10Yeah.

47:11That's what I tell my client.

47:14So that's how I started that course, to teach them how to do the same thing.

47:18Yeah, and even if somebody does have a problem, this is one thing that I had to learn.

47:24My mentor used to say, Laren, that's their shit.

47:27If somebody has a problem with what you are saying or what you are doing because you're choosing yourself and

47:33you're taking responsibility for your life, that's what they have to deal with.

47:39They don't have anything to do with you.

47:41That is outside of you.

47:42That is another human being, and it is not your job to regulate somebody else's nervous system.

47:48But me, being the unhealthy person that I was back then, I would get so excited and want to fix

47:53things.

47:54And why are you mad?

47:55And why is this?

47:55And why is that?

47:56It has to be this way.

47:58The control freak, everything that I used to be.

48:01And that ain't it.

48:03That ain't it.

48:04So when you decide to choose yourself and do things for you, and remember, that's outside of you.

48:12That's their stuff.

48:13Let them deal with it.

48:15And nine times out of ten, people who don't like you choosing yourself, that means you didn't have any boundaries

48:21and you were a doormat and they used you and walked all over you.

48:25That's why they don't like you choosing yourself because now they don't get to take advantage of you.

48:30You can say no.

48:31You will be surprised how many clients I have that are afraid to say no.

48:38By the time I'm done with them, they say no with their whole chest.

48:43What do they say no is a complete sentence?

48:46It is.

48:48No.

48:48No without an explanation.

48:50Yeah.

48:52A whole complete sentence.

48:53A whole complete sentence.

48:53Can I borrow a thousand dollars?

48:55No.

48:57And that's it, right?

49:00Yeah, no.

49:01And it's so important for a lot of people to do that, to say that.

49:05And they feel guilty because they don't want to make anybody mad.

49:08Oh, you're a people pleaser.

49:10Let me help you fix that.

49:13Yeah, that's a problem.

49:15Wow.

49:15I love it.

49:19So I have a burning question for you before we get out of here.

49:23The burning question is, what conversation about money or life have you been avoiding?

49:30And what could you change if you finally had it?

49:33I'll do that one more time.

49:36Go ahead.

49:37You go ahead.

49:37You ready?

49:38You ready?

49:38Go ahead.

49:39Go ahead, then.

49:39I'm ready.

49:40I'm ready.

49:41Yeah.

49:41You know, I'm raw and I'm honest, so I ain't going to stop now.

49:45So for me, it's really about having that conversation with myself about money and boundaries.

49:51You know, even though I am, you know, a master certified coach, I'm still a human being.

49:58So, you know, I spent so much of my life in the past being a person everybody could depend

50:03on, you know, making sure everybody else was good, even when I wasn't.

50:07You know, I was still, like I said, the cake and the crumbs.

50:10I was getting the crumbs.

50:11And, you know, I have gotten to a point in my life where I can't keep doing it.

50:15You know, I decided.

50:17And I decided that in 2022, 2024.

50:19You know, I had to ask myself, who's looking out for Shanti while Shanti is looking out

50:23for everybody else?

50:24And I think that changes when I finally get serious about that conversation, how I show

50:31up for myself.

50:32You know, I can love people without rescuing them.

50:35Their emergency is not my emergency.

50:37I can support people without putting myself in financial bind.

50:41You know, people.

50:43Just because you look like you got it, and I do, don't mean it's yours for the taking.

50:47So, no.

50:47I know.

50:48That's great.

50:48And, you know, and I can say no without feeling guilty about it.

50:52Because I remember, oh, I used to put so bad about saying no.

50:55Now, hell no.

50:56I don't care what it is.

50:59My daughter, no.

51:01No.

51:01You know, because, you know, at the end of the day, I'm not getting any other.

51:05And I still have a life to live.

51:07I still have dreams to fulfill and a future to prepare for.

51:10So, I refuse to spend the rest of my life recovering from the sacrifices I've lost.

51:17Yeah, I had that on one of the other podcasts a few nights ago.

51:23It is not your responsibility to dig into your emergency fund and take your funds away to

51:30help support somebody else who refuses to do their work financially, who refuses to do

51:34their financial homework.

51:36Makes no sense.

51:37The wrong person.

51:38You had money for the club and buying bottles on Saturday.

51:43Monday, you calling me asking for $100?

51:46Hell no.

51:47No.

51:47Yeah, that don't make no sense.

51:49No.

51:50So many people deal with that, though.

51:53Yes.

51:53Because they know, oh, let me go reach out.

51:56Yeah.

51:56Yeah, let me reach out.

51:58Let me go over Shanti.

51:59Shanti got it.

52:01Right.

52:01I do.

52:02And it's for me.

52:03You can't have it.

52:05One of the biggest things is if you don't have the money to give to somebody, that is not

52:10a problem.

52:11All you have to do is just tell them, yes, I don't have the money to give to you.

52:15Well, you got it.

52:16I don't have the money to give to you.

52:19That's the key right there.

52:20This is what I tell my clients when that situation of money come up.

52:25I don't care if you do have it, don't have it.

52:28All you have to say is, that's not in my budget.

52:33That's not in my budget.

52:35Right.

52:37I like that.

52:39Yeah, that's not in my budget.

52:41That's what's up.

52:42And leave it in place.

52:44Go ask somebody else.

52:46That's not in my budget.

52:47I got you.

52:51Okay.

52:51So we are up against the clock.

52:54It's been an hour already.

52:56So I want to thank you so much for coming on.

52:59Yeah.

53:00You know how it is when we start, you know.

53:02I know.

53:02It goes by so fast because we'd be vibing and talking.

53:06You know, I'm crazy.

53:09So let people know where we can follow you again.

53:12And we'll see you next time around.

53:14Sure.

53:15It was a pleasure.

53:17You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, at Shanti B Says.

53:25And my website is shantib.com.

53:29That's what's up.

53:30Thank you so much.

53:31And I'll be talking to you soon.

53:33Take care.

53:35Bye.

53:36See ya.

53:37Take care now.

53:39There you have it, everybody.

53:48That's Ms. Shanti B.

53:49I told you technical difficulties, but we still made it through.

53:55Like I said in the beginning, the devil is a liar.

53:58We're not doing that here today.

53:59We still made it through.

54:00Thank you so much, Shanti B, for coming through.

54:03We were talking about the things that we usually avoid and see what happens when you open up and you

54:10speak about things that you usually avoid.

54:12I don't know about you, but I always feel better at the end.

54:15And I'm like, you know what?

54:16I like that.

54:17And not only talking, but I want to leave you with this.

54:21Talking with people who are on the same page.

54:24You don't want to go ahead and sell yourself short by speaking to people who are on the same page,

54:32who are on different frequencies.

54:35And then you can get that noise, you can get that, you can have that situation on there.

54:40So that's important, too, especially when you're dreaming big and you're thinking big and you're trying to elevate and you're

54:45trying to get to higher levels.

54:47You want to make sure that you're aligned and on the right frequency with the right individuals and the right

54:52folks.

54:53I want to say thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen, for joining.

54:56And of course, as always, I will see you when I see you.

54:59And I got something great for you all coming up next.

55:02Next episode, we'll see you.

55:04I think, Dr. Dre, that's Dr. Dre.

55:06See you on the next episode.

55:07All right.

55:08Take care, y'all.

55:09Bye.

55:40Bye.

55:57Bye.

55:59Bye.

56:01Bye.

56:02Bye.

56:04Bye.

56:05Bye.

56:06Bye.

56:07Bye.

Let's Talk About The Stuff We Usually Avoid | DISC 6: Vitality | 411 PODCAST (Episode 60)

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