00:00Hey, man, you're probably teaching your wife how to live without you.
00:03Yeah, this is going to be a fun one.
00:04If your MO is avoidance and you don't like talking about the hard things,
00:07you sweep it under the rug, you walk the other way,
00:09you leave her to kind of put things back together,
00:11you are showing her that she can't depend on you.
00:13And when someone can't depend on you,
00:15they will accept the fact that I could live life without this person.
00:18So you are teaching her how to live without you by not bringing up,
00:23not re-engaging, not coming back to the table
00:25when something has broken down a bit in your marriage.
00:27So if that is who you are or who you've been up until this point in your marriage,
00:30here's the action step for you.
00:32What she has known you as up until this point is someone that avoids, that runs away.
00:36She almost anticipates that when things break down.
00:39I want you to reframe those moments as now opportunities
00:41for you to show her that you're moving differently.
00:44Whenever there's a breakdown, if there's a conversation that you don't resolve,
00:47if you can feel there's an elephant in the room,
00:50this is the grand opportunity for you to show up differently.
00:53And by doing so, you get to demonstrate to her that you're not moving away from her,
00:58but you're moving closer.
00:59And when she sees that in a consistent way,
01:01she will start to depend on you and know that she can.
01:03And little by little, you will be able to silence the whispers in her head that says,
01:07I don't need this guy.
01:09I can live without him.
01:10Because if you're around and she knows that you're a partner in the relationship
01:14that you exist with her in,
01:15likelihood that she's going to want to walk away from that relationship decreases exponentially.
01:20So your action step is to look for the opportunity in the breakdown
01:23and show up as someone who is different and she knows you as.
01:27All right?
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