- 2 days ago
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00:03Susan Delfino was charitable to a fault.
00:07She just couldn't resist lending a hand.
00:11There wasn't a lost pet she could ignore.
00:16A girl in uniform she could refuse.
00:21Or a struggling artist she could say no to.
00:28So when it came to a...
00:34...only too eager to help.
00:37I started having chest pains.
00:38Passed out, came to, dialed 911.
00:41They've been running tests all night.
00:44Well, I'm going to be here for you until I figure it out.
00:47I brought you these magazines, water.
00:50You're unbelievable.
00:52I've got a street full of neighbors,
00:53and the only one who comes to see me is the woman I yelled at.
00:56Sorry about that.
00:56It was my fault.
00:58I shouldn't have asked you about getting my house back.
01:00I sounded like a vulture.
01:02Mr. Young, we've got your test results.
01:05Could you excuse us for a moment, Susan?
01:06Oh, yeah.
01:07I'll wait outside.
01:11Well, good news.
01:12Your EKG came back normal.
01:14So it's not a heart attack?
01:15It's not a heart attack.
01:17Since here you've been experiencing dizziness, nausea, stomach cramps.
01:20That's right.
01:21What do you think it is?
01:22I think, unless you've been poisoned or you're pregnant,
01:25it's probably just stress.
01:29Poisoned?
01:30Yeah.
01:31I remember this case when I was an intern.
01:33A man came in with the same symptoms.
01:35Turns out his wife was putting antifreeze in his oatmeal.
01:38A little bit every day, so it wasn't obvious.
01:40But eventually it killed him.
01:42Good lesson for all of us.
01:44Don't piss off the old lady.
01:46Okay.
01:47Okay.
01:48Okay.
01:48Okay.
01:49Okay.
01:51Okay.
02:01What do you say?
02:02He thinks it's stress.
02:05Just stress?
02:06That's a relief.
02:08So you must be starving.
02:09What can I make you for dinner tonight?
02:12Yes.
02:13Susan Delfino just couldn't resist lending a hand to a neighbor in trouble.
02:17I'm sure anything you bring will be a huge help to me.
02:22Which was about to cause her some trouble of her own.
02:29No matter how secure we are, we all experience moments of dread.
02:36It may be just before we open our credit card bill.
02:42Or hand over a note from our teacher.
02:47Or step on the scale after a week away from the gym.
02:53Yes, we all experience moments of dread.
02:57And sometimes, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
03:06Daddy's home.
03:08How am I?
03:14Bloody stranger, too?
03:15She can't watch this.
03:16Daddy, no.
03:18This is about some stranger who comes to town and starts murdering slutty teenagers.
03:24Yeah.
03:24It's a good lesson for when she's older.
03:26Don't be a slutty teenager.
03:28Gabby, this is way too violent.
03:30Ow, the kid's used to violence.
03:32You've seen me make her eat carrots.
03:34Besides, one of you knows the movie's fake.
03:37Right, honey?
03:38Duh.
03:39There's no way one spear gun could shoot through three heads in real life.
03:43Exactly.
03:44Two, maybe.
03:46Maybe.
03:47Hey!
03:48Oh, Carlos, relax.
03:51Anita's tough.
03:52She'll be fine.
03:56He's out there!
03:58Calm down, sweetie.
04:00Who's out there?
04:01The bloody stranger.
04:02He was standing on our lawn looking at our house.
04:05The bloody stranger.
04:06Nice.
04:07No, honey, we talked about this, remember?
04:09How was I pretend?
04:10Can I sleep in here with you guys?
04:13You can sleep with her.
04:14I'm going to sleep in your bed.
04:16Celia's in my bed.
04:17Then I'll sleep in Celia's bed.
04:19She wet her bed.
04:22Come on in.
04:35Hey!
04:36Hey!
04:37Hey!
04:37Look who's home in time for dinner!
04:38Yeah, well, couldn't miss Spaghetti Night.
04:40Spaghetti Night's Tuesday, Dad.
04:43He made it home for Taco Night.
04:44Taco Night?
04:45Ay, cramba!
04:47Oh!
04:47Hey, no!
04:49I'm kidding!
04:51Mwah!
04:51Hey, your mom made a lovely dinner, so the least that I could do would bring home dessert!
04:57Plain tickets?
04:58That's right!
04:59I planned the family vacation this year.
05:02You did what?
05:03Seven days, six nights at the Royal Kailua Spahn Resort in Hawaii.
05:09Oh, my God!
05:10I've never been there!
05:11Well done, Celia!
05:12I've never been there!
05:12Come on, baby!
05:13Yes!
05:14You bought the tickets without talking to me first?
05:16Okay.
05:17Not exactly.
05:18Wow, Tom, you're the greatest husband in the world.
05:20But I told you, I already planned our vacation, just like I've been doing for the last 16 years.
05:26Well, there you go.
05:27You deserve a year off.
05:28Wait until you see the water slides in this place.
05:31Cool.
05:33Yeah.
05:34Yeah, cool.
05:35Except I just spent two weeks mapping out a route for a camping trip, and I put a deposit down
05:39on an RV.
05:40Okay, so we eat the deposit.
05:41Wish I could eat it right now.
05:45And I told my sister we'd stop by and visit on the way.
05:51We get back from Hawaii.
05:53We fly her out to see us here.
05:55Boom, problem solved.
05:59And yet still know you're the greatest husband in the world?
06:04Oh, my God.
06:08First class?
06:10You are the greatest husband in the world.
06:12Oh, my God!
06:14Hawaii!
06:15Yes!
06:16Hawaii!
06:17Yeah.
06:19Hawaii!
06:26Principal Hobson?
06:30Principal Hobson?
06:32Principal Hobson!
06:36Susan!
06:36Hey!
06:37Great to see you!
06:38Did you get my emails?
06:39I sent you, like, ten.
06:42Emails?
06:42No.
06:44Oh, well, in the first one...
06:45All right, I got them.
06:48And I would be glad to give you your job back, but I'm afraid it just isn't going to happen.
06:52Oh, why not?
06:54Susan, you can't be surprised that there are consequences when you show up on the Internet holding a feather duster
07:00and wearing a purple bra.
07:02Well, I...
07:02That was very specific.
07:05Well, I had to verify the claims in order to...
07:10My point is, the damage was done.
07:12I know.
07:13I made a mistake, but I feel like I deserve a second chance.
07:17If it were up to me, I would give you that chance.
07:20But you know private schools?
07:21The Parents' Council has all the power.
07:24So, if I were to win them over...
07:27Well, that would be a start.
07:30I'll take it from here.
07:31Oh, and I promise, no feather duster, no purple bra.
07:35And no black bustier.
07:40Nice talking to you.
07:50Oh, Detective Vance.
07:51I was just, um, heading out.
07:53I won't keep you.
07:54I just stopped by to give you another card to replace the one you lost.
07:56What makes you think I lost it?
07:58I gave it to you two days ago.
07:59You never called me, so I'm assuming you lost it.
08:01No.
08:02I didn't.
08:03No, it's that nice.
08:05I give you a graceful way to spare my feelings, and you clobber me with facts.
08:09You sure you didn't lose it?
08:11Quite sure.
08:11In fact, it's right here.
08:13In my purse.
08:15You didn't throw it away.
08:15That must mean you were thinking of calling.
08:20Look, this is my second try.
08:22I can't ask you again.
08:23Is that an ultimatum?
08:24It's a fact of courtship.
08:26Twice.
08:26And it's charmingly persistent.
08:27Once more, and I'm stalking you.
08:29So you're courting me?
08:30I'm trying to.
08:31When will you stop playing hard to get?
08:32Maybe when you start playing hard to want.
08:36You see how much you enjoy smacking me down.
08:39Why pass up a chance to do it all night?
08:41Come on.
08:42One dinner.
08:46Fine.
08:47It's Thursday.
08:488 p.m.
08:49Great.
08:50See you then.
08:53I thought you were heading out.
08:58Right.
09:12You want me to test a tuna noodle casserole?
09:17Is that a problem?
09:19Well, normally we test stuff like soul samples and groundwater.
09:21But sure, I can do it.
09:23What are you looking for?
09:26Antifreeze.
09:39Hey, what are you doing tonight?
09:40A friend of mine's playing at a jazz club.
09:41Oh, thanks, Renee, but I have a date.
09:44If you don't want to come, just say so.
09:46You don't have to make stuff up.
09:47No, I really do have a date.
09:49Is that so hard to believe?
09:50Slightly.
09:51So who is he?
09:52He's a detective.
09:53His name is Chuck.
09:55Chuck Vance.
09:58Well, don't stop.
09:59I want to hear it all.
10:00Actually, that's all I know.
10:01That's it?
10:02And you agreed to go out with him?
10:04I never date a guy until I've done a complete background check.
10:08Maybe I should just Google him.
10:10Amateur.
10:10Give me his name and I will find out everything worth knowing.
10:13Marital history.
10:14Net worth.
10:15Results of his last physical.
10:16The physical seems excessive.
10:18That's what I thought.
10:19Until I spent a weekend pinned under a dead linebacker.
10:25Why would you let her watch something called Bloody Stranger 2?
10:29I know.
10:29I know.
10:30I'm an idiot.
10:31Now she's having nightmares and crawling into our bed every night.
10:34When I was a kid, I had bad dreams like you wouldn't believe.
10:37Jumping out of bed, running down the hall, screaming kind of dreams.
10:39So what'd you do?
10:40I guess I outgrew him.
10:42You did?
10:44Juanita, come here!
10:45What are you doing?
10:46I figured you could talk to her.
10:48You know, give her one of those it-gets-better speeches you guys love so much.
10:55Sweetie, Lee wants to talk to you.
10:57Your mom says you've been having nightmares.
10:59What are they about?
11:00I see this creepy guy sitting on her lawn.
11:03Oh, you poor thing.
11:04You know, when I was little, I had nightmares too.
11:07Really?
11:08Yeah.
11:10My brother told me that there was a hospital for the criminally insane on the outskirts
11:14of town, and at night the inmates would escape and kidnap little boys and girls.
11:19But it's not real.
11:21His brother was just trying to scare them.
11:23Oh, no, it's totally real.
11:24One summer, three kids went missing.
11:26Until they found them.
11:28Right.
11:28About a month later, in a ravine.
11:40What the hell is that?
11:42I'm just showing her there's nothing to be frightened of.
11:44My story's way scarier than hers.
11:48Okay, so Cindy's in charge of decorations.
11:51Abby, you're handling music.
11:54Oh, sorry, sorry.
11:56Don't let me interrupt.
12:14Susan, what are you doing here?
12:16I heard you guys were planning an open house night, and I'd love to pitch in.
12:19How can I help?
12:20Let's see.
12:21You're legendary for your cleaning abilities.
12:25That didn't take long.
12:27Do you need any refreshments?
12:28I could make something.
12:29Thanks, but if we need any help, we'll call you.
12:32Is it still 99 cents a minute?
12:34Okay.
12:37We should just get this out there.
12:39My family had a really crappy year.
12:44I did some things that I am not proud of.
12:48But I was a damn good teacher when I was at this school.
12:51And I was hoping that you ladies might eventually support hiring me back.
12:57You had a teacher again?
13:00I think the parents' council might have a big problem with that.
13:05Look, I'm not asking for your forgiveness.
13:08Just a chance to earn it.
13:11Let me do something for an open house.
13:13I really do want to help.
13:16Okay.
13:18How about you pick up the streamers?
13:20The streamers?
13:21If you can handle it.
13:23Just be careful not to confuse them with tassels.
13:27Meeting adjourned.
13:33I shouldn't even look at this.
13:35It feels like such an intrusion.
13:37And besides, he'll be here any minute.
13:38Then I'm just in the neck of time.
13:41You found something bad?
13:42Well, for me, his salary alone makes him a non-starter.
13:46But you may be more interested in what's on page three.
13:49Is he a dirty cop?
13:50Or a Democrat?
13:52Worse.
13:57Wait.
14:10Hello, Chuck.
14:11I was afraid I was early, but looks like you're all ready.
14:15Oh, I'm ready all right.
14:17Shall we?
14:25I hope this is okay.
14:28You like Italian, right?
14:29Everybody likes Italian.
14:30Oh, it's fine.
14:32So, let's talk.
14:34Tell me about yourself.
14:35Tell me everything.
14:37Okay.
14:38What do you want to know?
14:39Oh, whatever you think is pertinent.
14:42Okay.
14:43Um, I was born in Pennsylvania.
14:45I played some ball in college.
14:47Um, I have a degree in criminology.
14:49Interesting.
14:53Anything else?
14:55Well, I have two kids.
14:57Oh, so you've been married.
14:58Yeah.
14:59Didn't work out.
15:01I hope you don't judge me for that.
15:02Oh, no.
15:03Not for that.
15:06Is something wrong, Brie?
15:07I'm just wondering when you were going to tell me that you're still married.
15:14I see you've done due diligence.
15:17Did your source happen to mention that I filed for divorce last spring?
15:20And that it hasn't gone through, so technically you're still married.
15:23You should have told me.
15:24We haven't even ordered yet.
15:25You expect me to lead with that?
15:27Hey, I'm technically married.
15:28The chicken looks good.
15:29You shouldn't be dating at all until your divorce is final.
15:32I mean, what if you and your wife reconcile?
15:33I haven't spoken to my wife in a year without my lawyer present.
15:37You can't blame me for doing a simple background check.
15:40Hell no.
15:41I'm sure you want to avoid another mistake like your second husband.
15:44The hit-and-run driver.
15:46Orson, was it?
15:48What?
15:49Tell me, who was creepier?
15:50Him or that pharmacist who killed himself while you were dating?
15:55Where did you hear that?
15:56I pulled your police file.
15:59I have a file.
16:01And you pulled it.
16:04Who do you investigate me before our date?
16:06Say that again.
16:07And this time, listen for the irony.
16:09There is no comparison to what I did.
16:11You could have been dangerous.
16:12I have to protect myself.
16:14Well, women could be dangerous, too.
16:15Especially ones who own four handguns and a .30-06 hunting rifle.
16:19What's up with that?
16:20This is outrageous.
16:20You are treating me like a common criminal.
16:23What can I get you folks to start?
16:24I will not be ordering.
16:27I want to go home.
16:28Now.
16:29Come on, Bree.
16:30Calm down.
16:31Have a drink.
16:32I don't drink.
16:33Wasn't that in my file?
16:34Someone's slipping.
16:44What are you doing?
16:45Hmm?
16:46What do you think I'm doing?
16:47I think you're wasting your time, much as I did when I planned this year's vacation.
16:53We should have discussed this.
16:55I wanted to surprise you.
16:57I wasn't surprised.
16:58I was blindsided.
16:59You may call all the shots at work, but you're not the CFO of this family.
17:06You're right.
17:09For what it's worth, your road trip sounds amazing.
17:13I just don't think it's going to pan out for this summer.
17:17But you made a hell of a great start for next year's trip.
17:21Don't pull that management trick on me.
17:23What trick?
17:24The yes sandwich.
17:26Start with a compliment.
17:26Lower the boom.
17:27End with a compliment.
17:28It's the oldest trick in business, and I taught it to you.
17:30Lynette, I already promised Hawaii to the kids.
17:33You want me to take it away?
17:35You saw how excited they were.
17:37Only because they've never had a lavish vacation before.
17:39Give me the same budget, and I'll make my trip sound twice as good as you.
17:42Oh, I would love to see you try.
17:46Okay, then.
17:47Game on.
17:49We'll, um, we'll sit the kids down.
17:52We'll each make our presentation.
17:53Let them decide.
17:54Sounds fair to me.
17:55Game on.
17:56Okay.
17:57Game on.
18:02Honey.
18:05Come on.
18:07I'm not turned on.
18:09You're a very handsome man.
18:10We're not going to have sex.
18:12That's a no sandwich.
18:23Level with me, Brie.
18:24Do I still have a chance with you?
18:26None whatsoever.
18:27Then this can't make things any worse.
18:34That's right.
18:35Keep driving, buddy.
18:43I'm sorry.
18:46Why'd you do that?
18:47Get in, Violet.
18:50Oh, my God.
18:51You couldn't have dropped me off before you picked up a prostitute?
18:58You arresting me, Chuck?
19:00Just taking you to the women's shelter.
19:02So what, is this your good deed for the night?
19:05You're trying to impress your date?
19:07Well, that ship has sailed.
19:09She hates me more than you do.
19:11Why?
19:12What's wrong with that?
19:13Let's just say my opinion isn't any of your concern, Chris.
19:16You're better off without her, Chuck.
19:17This one's got a stick up her ass.
19:20And what qualifies you to make such snap judgments about people you've just met?
19:24I'm a hooker.
19:26It's what I do.
19:38Here we are.
19:39And I'm watching to make sure you go in.
19:42You know, I'm just going to be back on that corner tomorrow.
19:44Yeah, well, that's tomorrow's problem.
19:45When are you going to give up?
19:47What I am now,
19:49that's all I'm ever going to be.
19:53You think so?
19:59Bree here was turning tricks just like you.
20:03How dare you?
20:05Bree, she needs to hear this.
20:09I must have hauled her ass in 50 times.
20:13Then one day she said,
20:14I'm better than this.
20:16She got herself to school.
20:18Before you knew it,
20:19she had a first-class catering company.
20:21So don't try to tell me
20:22that you can't make a better life for yourself.
20:28You were really on the street?
20:30Actually, I...
20:32I...
20:37I don't like to talk about that part of my life.
20:41I get it.
20:44Look at you now, huh?
20:48It was really nice to meet you.
20:51Likewise.
20:52Thank you, Chuck.
20:54Don't mention it.
21:00I know, way out of line.
21:03You said I had no chance,
21:04so I figured what the hell.
21:06Home?
21:09Yes, please.
21:25You're right.
21:26Found trace amounts of antifreeze.
21:28But don't worry.
21:29Wouldn't have killed you.
21:30What would happen if I ate
21:32one of these casseroles every day?
21:34Well, for one thing,
21:35you get tired of tuna casserole.
21:39If you repeatedly consumed ethylene glycol,
21:42your heart would start to fail,
21:43your kidneys would give out.
21:45Eventually, you'd die.
21:46It'd be a nasty way to go.
21:50I can only imagine.
22:00What are you doing?
22:03I thought I was borrowing Lynette's tent.
22:05Turns out I borrowed a nylon bag of death.
22:08Why are you setting up a tent?
22:10Juanita, I want to prove to her
22:11there's no scary guy on the lawn.
22:13I figured if she spends the night camping out here,
22:16she'll get over it.
22:17So the kid is scared,
22:18there's a killer lurking outside at night,
22:20and your solution is to make her sleep out here?
22:22Let alone, you dope.
22:23You'll be with her.
22:24Me?
22:25Yeah.
22:26What if she's right?
22:27What if there is a killer?
22:28Or it's cold?
22:29Oh, forget it.
22:31I got an early meeting tomorrow,
22:33and I'm not going in half asleep
22:34because I slept on my lawn.
22:35You cause this problem,
22:37you fix it tonight.
22:38And stop pouting.
22:40It's fun to sleep outside.
22:45So, cheery!
22:51Come in.
22:55Hey.
22:56After a date,
22:58or rather,
22:58a non-date,
22:59I was very confused.
23:01Makes two of us.
23:03I was offended
23:04when you didn't tell me the truth
23:05about your marriage,
23:06and oddly touched
23:07when you told the complete stranger
23:09I was a whore.
23:11Well, if you like that,
23:12you should wait till Valentine's Day.
23:15I wanted to know your secrets
23:16right away,
23:16and I didn't want to tell you mine
23:18until I felt I could trust you,
23:21and that wasn't fair.
23:24I was no better.
23:26When did dating become so complicated?
23:29We're not kids anymore.
23:30We both had our hearts kicked around.
23:35I guess it's made us a little gun-shy.
23:38If gun-shy's the right word
23:39for a woman with an arsenal
23:40as big as yours.
23:45So what do we do?
23:47I say,
23:49we forget about
23:50the crazy digging for dirt
23:52that we both did,
23:54and just have a normal first day.
23:56All right.
23:58When?
23:59Well, it is lunchtime.
24:02Why not?
24:04I know this little Indian place
24:06that does an amazing lamb vindaloo.
24:08How do you know I like Indian food?
24:10I'd rather not say.
24:16I don't even know
24:16why I want to work
24:17at that school again.
24:19Oh, those smug, clicky moms.
24:21I mean, can you believe
24:22that Dana gave me streamer duty?
24:24It's positively awful.
24:26So, tell me,
24:28how is Paul?
24:29I hear he went to the hospital.
24:32He thought he was having a heart attack,
24:33but the test results
24:34came back negative.
24:36Do the doctors know what caused it?
24:37They think it's stress,
24:39but I'm worried about him.
24:41Oh, don't be.
24:43Well, I think he should go back
24:44and have more tests done.
24:46He'll be fine.
24:47As a nurse,
24:48I saw time and again
24:49that the best prescription for stress
24:50is rest and good food.
24:55So sweet of you
24:56to make these cookies for him.
24:57Oh, yeah.
24:59I hope it cheers him up.
25:01I'm sure it's just
25:02what the doctor ordered.
25:09Well, I wish I could do more.
25:12Oh, Susan.
25:15You're doing more for Paul
25:16than you can possibly know.
25:29The Grand Canyon.
25:31Over a mile deep.
25:33It took six million years
25:35to form.
25:41Sequoia National Forest.
25:43A soaring monument
25:44to nature's majesty.
25:46So that's our vacation?
25:47Looking at trees
25:49and a hole in the ground?
25:50Now, now.
25:51Kids,
25:51your mom worked hard on this.
25:52Be kind.
25:55Yeah.
25:55Yeah, if the Grand Canyon
25:57isn't your scene,
25:58Did she say scene?
25:59you're bound to love
26:00our next stop,
26:03Discriminator.
26:05Seven minutes
26:06of sheer rollercoaster terror.
26:09Responsible Parenting Magazine
26:10calls it the worst idea
26:12since the caffeinated juice box.
26:15That's awesome.
26:16Oh, me likey, dad.
26:18Annie and all
26:20of these thrilling destinations
26:22are available to us.
26:23We just point the RV
26:24and drive.
26:26All right.
26:27Oh, yes.
26:28Mom went.
26:28Oh, man, I can't wait.
26:29Oh, I forgot about the RV.
26:31Won't it be a little cramped
26:32now that we have Paige?
26:33Oh, maybe your dad's right.
26:35Maybe we shouldn't take the RV.
26:36Maybe we should take
26:39the road juggernaut.
26:418,000.
26:42State-of-the-art
26:43entertainment system.
26:45Six private sleeping compartments
26:48and two full baths.
26:50One of which
26:51Justin Bieber used
26:52on his last tour
26:53to make water balloons.
26:55Shut up!
26:56Shut up!
26:57I'm going to wear that.
26:59We are going to
27:00take a shower.
27:01Follow that away.
27:03Yes.
27:04Yes.
27:04Yes.
27:05Yes.
27:08Will you take that off?
27:09No.
27:11Juanita, you look ridiculous.
27:13I don't care how I look.
27:15I don't want that killer guy
27:16to chop off my head.
27:17First of all,
27:18a helmet wouldn't keep him
27:19from chopping off your head.
27:20It would just mean
27:20I'd have to clean it
27:21before I gave it back to Parker.
27:24Second,
27:25there is no killer guy.
27:26It's an actor in a movie.
27:28But I'm still scared.
27:29It's okay to be scared.
27:31It's even fun sometimes.
27:32You can't let that scared
27:33come from inside your own head.
27:35And you have to be able
27:36to calm it down if it does.
27:38What's that?
27:41It's people walking by,
27:43Juanita.
27:44This is what I'm talking about.
27:45This is where you take
27:46charge of your fear.
27:48Mama, I think it's the killer.
27:50No, it's not, Juanita.
27:52Mom, look!
27:56Oh, God.
27:58Who's out there?
27:59Go away!
28:04Gotcha!
28:06What the hell is wrong with you?
28:08I'm trying to help.
28:10By giving me a heart attack,
28:11you thought that would help.
28:12I kind of did.
28:15Oh, Mom,
28:16you should have seen your face.
28:18I just wanted to show you
28:19that not everything
28:19that looks scary
28:20actually is.
28:21See?
28:23Plastic.
28:23It's like the movie.
28:24It looks scary,
28:25but it's fake.
28:27Exactly.
28:28Time to go.
28:29Bob's in the shower,
28:30and he's about to pay
28:31for not liking
28:32my chicken puff pie.
28:36So when you cast your vote
28:38tonight, kids,
28:39cast it for adventure,
28:41luxury,
28:43nature.
28:44Because Hawaii
28:45has something
28:46for every scaba,
28:48whether it is
28:49circling
28:50a smoking volcano
28:52in a helicopter
28:52or swimming
28:53in crystal-clear waters
28:55with the dolphins.
28:56It is the vacation
28:58of a lifetime.
29:00Hawaii!
29:01Hawaii!
29:02Hawaii!
29:03Hawaii!
29:04Hawaii!
29:05Hawaii!
29:06Hawaii!
29:07Hawaii!
29:08Hawaii!
29:08Hawaii!
29:09Woo!
29:11I don't want to do this.
29:13You know who else
29:14loves swimming
29:15in those crystal-clear waters?
29:18nature's hungriest predator,
29:19the great white shark.
29:22Come on.
29:24There hasn't been
29:24a shark attack
29:25on the island
29:26in forever.
29:27Really?
29:28Or did they just fail
29:29to find the evidence?
29:31Great whites
29:32tend to eat
29:32their victims.
29:33What?
29:35This is very,
29:37very unlikely
29:38to happen.
29:38You're right.
29:39You're right.
29:39I mean,
29:40especially if we all
29:41die at first
29:42in
29:45a gruesome
29:46helicopter crash.
29:51Now you see
29:52why the natives
29:53call them
29:54death birds.
29:57You think
29:57you're going to be
29:58safer driving
29:59across country?
30:00Who knows
30:00the number one
30:01cause of accidental death?
30:02Oh, I do.
30:02It's the car crash.
30:04Don't worry, kids.
30:04We're going to hire
30:05a professional driver
30:06and won't be your dad.
30:08Guys,
30:09can we go upstairs
30:10and talk about this
30:10before we vote?
30:12You bet.
30:16We await your verdict.
30:18Aloha!
30:26God,
30:26you are a hypocrite.
30:28How?
30:30Ten years ago
30:31Christmas,
30:32we were standing
30:32in the scooter aisle
30:33at the toy store
30:34when I want to choose
30:35the twins' big present.
30:38You say,
30:39Tom,
30:40when you start
30:41making the money,
30:42you can start
30:43making the decisions.
30:45You've been sitting
30:46on that for a decade?
30:47Wow.
30:47Well, guess what?
30:48I make the money.
30:50Big money.
30:51More money
30:51than you ever did.
30:52So I get to decide
30:54how we spend it.
30:56We're supposed
30:57to be equal partners.
30:58I just wanted
30:59to say the process.
30:59No, you don't.
31:00You want to control
31:00the process
31:01like you always do.
31:02Watch it.
31:03And you feel that power
31:03slipping away
31:04and you can't stand it.
31:06You can't stand
31:07that I am
31:08running the show.
31:10Running the show?
31:11Are you kidding me?
31:12We're talking about
31:13a family vacation.
31:14Not anymore.
31:14We are not.
31:17This is about
31:18how you can't
31:19handle my success.
31:20No, you can't
31:22handle your success.
31:22You've turned
31:23into a pompous ass.
31:24Maybe because
31:25it's turned you
31:26into a raging bitch.
31:27it's...
31:31it...
31:32it...
31:35it...
31:36.
31:42.
31:48.
31:50.
31:57Lee, I am warning you.
31:59Once was funny, this time I will kill you.
32:02Get out of here.
32:33How's Penny?
32:34Really upset.
32:35She kept crying, saying how she didn't want to choose.
32:39I don't care where we go.
32:41We'll take the road trip.
32:43Not the vacation, Tom.
32:44She doesn't want to choose which one of us to live with.
32:47That is awful.
32:49But why would she think that?
32:51Why wouldn't she?
32:52She's seen it happen to three of her friends.
32:55We have always fought, Tom, but never like that.
32:58I know.
32:59It's got to stop.
33:00I agree.
33:01I mean, I'm scared to open my mouth for fear you're going to bite my head off.
33:05I'm sorry.
33:06Was that an olive branch?
33:11I'm no better, okay?
33:14I miss dinner four nights a week, and even when I am here,
33:18my mind is back at the office.
33:27I think we're the ones who need a vacation.
33:34Alone?
33:35Yeah.
33:38Not a big trip.
33:39Just a weekend.
33:40And we can get a chance to be together and work through all of this.
33:45You're right.
33:48We should do it this weekend.
33:50You mean it?
33:52Yeah.
33:55I just have to check with the office.
33:57Oh, okay.
34:05But we are going to do it, right?
34:07You're not going to get all busy at the last minute.
34:09I said we'll do it, and we'll do it, okay?
34:11Okay.
34:12Okay.
34:20Hello, Susan.
34:21Hey, Dana.
34:22I got your streamers.
34:24I splurged and bought the good ones.
34:26Plane retardant.
34:27Good.
34:28Oh, my God.
34:29Are those cookies for the open house?
34:31Well, actually...
34:32You are a lifesaver.
34:34I just had two moms flake out on me.
34:36Really?
34:39Uh, well...
34:41I thought that might happen, so I faked some just in case.
34:45It's one of the things.
34:45It makes a great teacher being ready for anything.
34:51You know, Susan, I haven't been your biggest supporter.
34:55Or maybe I misjudged you.
34:57Thanks for these.
34:59Let's find some time to sit down with Principal Hobson and talk about you coming back.
35:12Hello, Susan.
35:13Come on in.
35:14Meals on wheels.
35:15Well, shoes.
35:16But food on shoes doesn't sound as good.
35:19Today's special is lasagna.
35:21Would you like me to put it on a plate for you, or do you want to eat it later?
35:23I think I'll have it now.
35:25In fact, I'd love for you to join me.
35:30No, I can't.
35:32Actually, I'm on my way to a function at MJ's school.
35:34I'm sure you have a few minutes.
35:36Sit down.
35:37Uh, I'm kind of in a rush.
35:39But it's not fair.
35:41You go to all this trouble to bring me these delicious meals, and we never share them.
35:46It pains me.
35:46Uh, Paul, what's going on?
35:52Fine.
35:53You're in a hurry.
35:55Why don't you stab me with this?
35:57It'll be faster.
35:58Or are you getting your kicks watching me die slowly?
36:01Okay, I have no idea what you're talking about.
36:04The food you're bringing me, Susan, it's poisoned.
36:07What?
36:07That's not possible.
36:09I had it tested.
36:10Come on.
36:11Have a bite.
36:12Paul.
36:13How could you do this to me?
36:15Is it because you want the house?
36:17Is it because you hate me?
36:19Okay, you have to believe me.
36:20I never put poison in your food.
36:22Well, somebody did.
36:23Was it Mike?
36:24No, it was just me.
36:26I'm the only one who...
36:28What?
36:30Oh, my God.
36:32The cookies.
36:34I've got to go.
36:35I've got to get to the school.
36:45Oh, Cindy.
36:46Cindy.
36:47The dessert.
36:48The dessert's my cookies.
36:49Have they put them out yet?
36:50Oh, yeah.
36:55They're just...
37:01Oh!
37:03I'm so sorry.
37:04Try the oatmeal raisin.
37:05Kathy.
37:05Um, do you know how many points these are?
37:08You'll thank me tomorrow.
37:09Susan?
37:11What did you do to the parents' count?
37:13They love you.
37:14Oh, great.
37:15Thanks for the cookie.
37:26Which one of these is mine?
37:28Oh, I have no idea.
37:30We just put them all together.
37:32Oh!
37:33Whoops!
37:34Sorry.
37:35Oh, it's doing me.
37:37I can have everyone's attention for a moment, please.
37:41Hi.
37:41I want to welcome all our wonderful parents.
37:44And I want to thank the decorating committee and those who made the refreshments.
37:50Oh, including Susan Delfino.
37:52Thank you, Susan, for those chocolate chip cookies.
37:54Oh, you're welcome.
37:55And about those cookies I made.
37:59Don't eat them.
38:00They're poison.
38:02No, no.
38:03This isn't a joke.
38:05My cookies will kill you.
38:11Oh, God.
38:13That's our officers.
38:17Yes.
38:19No matter who we are, we all experience moments of dread.
38:27When we ask ourselves, will anyone believe I'm innocent, will my daughter be a child of divorce?
38:41Will this man break my heart?
38:46Are there things that go bump in the night?
38:53And sometimes, the answer is yes.
39:01Yes.
39:04No matter who we are, we all experience moments of dread.
39:04No matter who we are, we all experience moments of dread.
39:05No matter who we are, we all experience moments of dread.
39:05No matter who we are, we all experience moments of dread.
39:05No matter who we are, we all experience moments of dread.