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00:22It was now late February and winter was very much in retreat.
00:27Look over yonder, what do you see?
00:35Soon we would be planting these spring crops with my new high-tech equipment.
00:40But there was plenty to keep us busy till then.
00:44First of all, we had to send some of our sheep on their journey to the kitchen at the pub,
00:50along with the latest batch of pigs.
01:00These were our original mules.
01:02Remember the North Country mules that we had from day one?
01:05These are the ones that we lambed that first...
01:07Is that four years ago?
01:08In Covid.
01:12Come on, sheeps.
01:13Come on, girls. Up, up, up!
01:15Pshhh!
01:15Come on, pshhh!
01:18Did you not find this salad, taking the sheep away?
01:22Cows and sheep.
01:23I don't like getting rid of them.
01:25I don't like putting them on the lorry.
01:27I don't think any farmer in the world would enjoy sending their animals off to be killed,
01:31thinking they will be dead tonight.
01:33I don't like that.
01:34Or the cows.
01:35But I get really emotional about the pigs.
01:37Why?
01:38I just love the pigs.
01:39You know you love cows?
01:41Yeah, yeah.
01:41Well, I love pigs, same as that.
01:43I just love pigs.
01:44I just think the way they taste.
01:47Once we'd seen the animals off...
01:50Bye, wieners.
01:52...I headed over to the farmer's dog...
01:56...which was closed for a couple of days so that some essential work could be done.
02:02And what I'm hoping to see here is a forest of white vans and workmen doing jobs.
02:08And I'm... Yes.
02:12Inside, the kitchen was getting a new non-slip floor.
02:16Gentlemen.
02:17It's a festival of arse cracks in here today. I'm really...
02:22And the electricians were trying, once again, to fix the belligerent power supply.
02:28We're having a whole new board.
02:30Yes.
02:31And no more flickering lights.
02:33Fingers crossed.
02:34No, no, don't say that, please.
02:39All of this work was being overseen by Alan.
02:42Who was back in the saddle after his major heart surgery.
02:47It's been a long time.
02:49I'm back, mate.
02:50You're back.
02:51That's a bit of a man-hug, isn't it?
02:52Yeah.
02:53You? You're like Jon Bon Jovi.
02:54I have lost a bit, yeah.
02:56Jesus.
02:56That's a lot of timber gone.
02:58I know.
02:58A lot of fruit.
02:59And how is it? Painful?
03:01Very.
03:01I don't want to show you on camera, but I don't...
03:04It's a nasty cut.
03:05Don't know.
03:05Yeah.
03:06That was all quadruple.
03:07Four quadruple.
03:08One had collapsed and curled itself up.
03:11And the other four, they're about 85% to 90% blocked.
03:14Horrible.
03:15Are you feeling all right?
03:16Yeah, I had a bit of a problem with the lungs.
03:18I lost 36% of the lungs.
03:20All MDF dust and shit.
03:22That's because you never wear a mask.
03:23Well, none of us do, do we?
03:25That's the trouble we didn't know back in the 80s, 90s.
03:27Not like we do now.
03:28No.
03:29You still don't wear a mask?
03:30No.
03:32Yeah, no.
03:33So your lungs are buggered and you're...
03:3536%.
03:35But they've mended your heart now.
03:36Yeah, they were brilliant.
03:37When I came in for my heart thing, you were two rooms alone.
03:40Yeah, next door.
03:41I knew you was there.
03:43I'm on that Muntjac drug.
03:45You know the anti-fat one?
03:47They put me on that.
03:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:48What, are you taking it or injecting it?
03:50You inject it once a week?
03:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:52I got that as well.
03:53It's only a little baby needle.
03:55Yeah, tiny.
03:55You don't even feel it.
03:56Yeah, that's good.
03:57That suppresses your appetite.
03:59Yeah, because my cholesterol is what caused mine, so...
04:01Yeah, yeah, that's a blockage, yeah.
04:03Hello and welcome to old people television.
04:06You might be young right now, watching this,
04:09thinking, well, look at these two are...
04:10One day...
04:12It'd come rain and kick you in the balls, wouldn't it?
04:19The next day, there was more to do at the farm
04:23because we'd had some interesting new arrivals.
04:29We'll take this route to where they are.
04:31Yeah.
04:32Try and get them in it.
04:33Oh, really?
04:34Yeah.
04:35How else are you going to...
04:36It's easier to transport them in their house.
04:38So let's take the staircase out, then.
04:44This is going to be awkward.
04:47He's going to fuck this up, isn't he?
04:49You can do that now, can't he?
04:50Yeah.
04:50Oh!
04:51Oh, shit!
04:58It's fine.
05:00I don't know how.
05:01Thank God for that.
05:07The occupants of the new house had been a present
05:09from my oldest daughter.
05:13Ten guinea fowl.
05:15Who'd made the barn where we'd been keeping them smell
05:20absolutely unbelievable.
05:22Have you got food?
05:24They have.
05:25Oh!
05:29It's so bad.
05:30Fucking, it reeks.
05:31It is vile.
05:34Oh, God, I'm gagging already.
05:36Let me get in, then.
05:37I'll catch you and fire them to you.
05:38Yeah, perfect.
05:41There we go.
05:43Yeah.
05:44We've got a new house.
05:45Hello, little fella.
05:53That's it.
05:53Is that finished?
05:54Yeah.
05:55Well done.
05:56Well done.
05:56That's a great job.
05:58Before moving the birds down to their new home
06:00in a nearby copse,
06:02there was a small diddly squat celebration to take care of.
06:08Gee dog.
06:10Hello, Jimmy.
06:11Here you go, birthday boy.
06:13This is lovely.
06:15Well, it will be if I get it lit.
06:16Hang on.
06:18We bought candles that literally will not light.
06:20Gerald, I'm so sorry for this.
06:22I know.
06:24Yeah.
06:25How old are you today?
06:2678.
06:27We got you a stripper.
06:29Oh.
06:30Yeah, he'll be here in a minute.
06:34Ready?
06:35Blow that out.
06:36There we go.
06:37Perfect.
06:37Happy birthday.
06:38Happy birthday, Gerald.
06:40Happy birthday, guys.
06:41Happy birthday, G-Dog.
06:42Um.
06:44Do you know anything about guinea fowl, Gerald?
06:46Well, they get the wattles.
06:48Then when you're out at night,
06:50they just want another look buggy.
06:52So I just think they're all cock birds.
06:53I'll prove to start with them.
06:55Mental they go after one another.
06:57And they're cloned, but every one of them had it.
07:00One of them big long huns.
07:01It looks so sad.
07:04Yeah.
07:05And we've been told to keep them in that box for five days.
07:08Yeah.
07:09That one, I see, making a night.
07:11You get all of them and men, who's my Christ?
07:13You'll hear them down the village, no trouble.
07:15What it's doing now is raining on us.
07:19Yeah.
07:19Do we leave the door of the house open or close them?
07:22Well, I think we should...
07:22I think we should...
07:23They're escaping.
07:25No, they're not in there now.
07:26They're in here.
07:26Well, there's that one there.
07:27What?
07:28There's one on the lamp.
07:29Oh, shit.
07:30We haven't got them all.
07:31There's one more.
07:33There's two in there.
07:34What?
07:35There are two in there.
07:36You do not count.
07:37You morons.
07:39There's two in there.
07:39There's two in there.
07:40There's two in there.
07:41There's two in there.
07:43Once the missing two had been loaded,
07:46I gingerly set off to the cops.
07:50Oh, bloody hell.
07:53Oh, God, this is so bloody...
07:56Oh, no.
07:59And on the way, I got a bit of a shock.
08:03What's that sheep doing in the...
08:06Who's had a lamb?
08:12Look!
08:15The sheep has got a placenta hanging out of its arse.
08:17This is just born.
08:20Hang on.
08:23This is...
08:25This is odd,
08:26because these are not the easy-care sheep,
08:29which we know are pregnant.
08:30These are difficult-care sheep,
08:32which are supposed to be turned into mutton at the pub.
08:35They're not supposed to be pregnant.
08:37I mean, how have you got pregnant?
08:41How's this?
08:42Caleb?
08:43Oh, look.
08:44Yeah, but the weird thing is,
08:45where's the ram come from?
08:47Exactly.
08:49To try and get to the bottom of this mystery,
08:52I called Jeremy our shepherd.
08:55It's a bit bizarre.
08:56The only thing I can imagine is that,
08:58before the lambs were weaned off,
09:00he's still had his balls,
09:02and he's got across them.
09:04Ooh.
09:04But what we've got is incest going on here.
09:07You've got incest, and you've got...
09:09Yeah.
09:09There is another possibility we ought to consider.
09:13Virgin birth.
09:14It's been documented as something that can occur.
09:19Perhaps the...
09:20Perhaps...
09:21Perhaps Jesus.
09:23Well, he did a human last time.
09:24We've been expecting the second coming, haven't we?
09:27Whoever said it was going to be a human?
09:29It could be a sheep.
09:30That could be Jesus.
09:32I'm telling you, that lamb is called Jesus,
09:35and we are keeping that sheep.
09:37No, we're not.
09:37We bloody well are.
09:38We are not.
09:39You're not going to butcher Jesus.
09:40It's not fucking Jesus.
09:42That sheep is going.
09:43It is Jesus.
09:43It's going to rear that lamb,
09:44and then it's going to go for mutton.
09:46Then it's going to come back,
09:47you're going to eat it,
09:47and then complain about harbour...
09:48We're going to eat the Virgin Mary.
09:50Yes, you are.
09:50That's the Virgin Mary!
09:51It's not!
09:54After this, the two wise men and one wise woman
09:57took the guinea fowl
09:59to their new woodland lodgings.
10:03There?
10:04Yeah, lovely.
10:05That looks pretty good.
10:08They have to be in there now for five days.
10:11Yeah.
10:11So that they know what home is.
10:13Okay.
10:14They're looking a bit discombobulated.
10:16I'm not surprised.
10:18Well, they've had a bit of an exciting afternoon.
10:26With Alan's refurb work complete,
10:29the pub was now open again.
10:35And while I was over there,
10:37his cheerfulness asked for a meeting
10:39as he'd worked out our trading results
10:42for the first four months.
10:44Jeremy.
10:46Hey, Charlie, how are you?
10:47All right, thanks.
10:49You know, I thought I had two copies.
10:51I did.
10:52I've...
10:53I've...
10:58I've just gone down to the bottom.
11:00Yes.
11:01Profit before taxation, which gives me hope.
11:03Yes.
11:05Minus...
11:05Minus...
11:07Minus...
11:08£8,486.
11:10Yeah.
11:12So...
11:13That's the headline figure.
11:14We're losing money.
11:15I...
11:17You are...
11:19Overall...
11:20We're fully booked every day.
11:21Yep.
11:23Couldn't get any more people in if we tried.
11:25You know, I'm stumped.
11:28We've got people coming,
11:29and we're losing money.
11:30And it's partly...
11:33The success that's causing the additional cost,
11:37because the infrastructure of the pub can't cope.
11:40We're having to clean out the cesspit twice a week.
11:42We're having to do the grease extraction twice a week,
11:46because it was built for a pub that did, you know,
11:48as many covers in a month, really.
11:53Parking attendance, you know,
11:54to try and make sure that we didn't have chaos on the A40.
11:58You know, we have this fleet of parking attendants.
12:01No, I know.
12:01It's £47,000 a month in parking...
12:03We were paying parking people.
12:05And I...
12:05I just think that's probably...
12:06So...
12:07Okay.
12:07Because the costs are what they are, aren't they?
12:09We are successful.
12:10I mean, in as much as a lot of people come.
12:12Yeah.
12:13So you do have to empty the cesspit a lot.
12:15You do have to...
12:16Yeah.
12:16...clean the structures out quite a lot.
12:18We do have to worry about the parking,
12:20otherwise the council will go crazy.
12:21So, we know we have these costs.
12:23Yeah.
12:24So, another thing I thought,
12:25which is controversial,
12:28is putting prices up.
12:30Well, I've just...
12:32I've actually gone to the trouble of having a survey
12:34of all the other pubs in the area done.
12:36So, if you take a starter, right, meat and bread...
12:41Yeah.
12:41So, we've got chicken, liver, parfait and sourdough, okay?
12:44Yeah.
12:45We're cheaper than any other pub in the area.
12:47We're £9.50.
12:49Yeah.
12:50All the others are around £12, £12.50, £15 at the Bull in Charlbury.
12:55A steak pie...
12:56Yeah.
12:57...we're the cheapest.
12:58Absolutely.
12:59So, we are fundamentally cheaper.
13:01Now, this is the interesting thing.
13:04If you actually look at the news coverage this place gets,
13:06and there's a fair bit of it...
13:08Yeah.
13:08This is from the Express, okay?
13:12Disgruntled punters have been moaning about the prices of the meals on offer.
13:16For example, if you want to dine on steak, carrot, mash and cabbage at the pub,
13:21it'll cost you £28.
13:21So, every newspaper, every single time this pub is mentioned, they all say the same thing.
13:29This pub is expensive.
13:30Now, the fact is, we're cheaper.
13:33Yep.
13:33So, here we are, with a totally unfounded reputation in the Mirror, the Mail, the Express
13:38and all of the newspapers, that we're expensive when we're not.
13:41Yeah.
13:42I mean, bearing in mind, as you say, our ingredients are costing more than all these other pubs.
13:46Yeah.
13:47You know, we're paying more for the food than any other pub and charging less.
13:51So, we have to put the prices up.
13:53And I think we can put the prices up to what people think we're charging anyway.
13:58Yeah.
14:00Okay.
14:01Shit.
14:03I'm sure we'll turn it round.
14:05But we've got to get a fair...
14:06Why did you let me buy a pub?
14:07I tried not to.
14:08I know you did.
14:10So, I now have two loss-making businesses.
14:12I shall buy a cinema next.
14:18And then, just when I thought things couldn't get more financially bleak, David the Butcher
14:25asked for a meeting to talk about my rare breed Sandy and Black pigs.
14:34Oh, look at the face.
14:36Oh, he's got...
14:37Well, I'll take that off so you don't have to look at it anymore.
14:42Just...
14:42I just...
14:44That doesn't make it better!
14:49What are you making? Bacon or just...?
14:51Um, in complete truth, we can't do much with these apart from sausages.
14:57Oh, shit, really?
14:59Yeah.
15:00I'll show you what I mean.
15:04If you came into the counter and we kind of gave you that, I don't think you'd be too happy.
15:09You'd cook it off and it's just like cooking a load of fat, you see.
15:13Is this yours?
15:14Yeah, that's what we're looking for.
15:18So, it's much bigger in comparison.
15:21But the fat that's going through that because of the breed, it's just too much.
15:27I mean, I can see the problem.
15:30I'm not going to promise you or I couldn't argue with you anyway,
15:32because you guys are butchers and I'm not,
15:34but I can straight away see that this is, you know, primarily fat, isn't it?
15:39Yes.
15:40Is that a characteristic of the Sandy and Black?
15:42Yeah.
15:42Yeah.
15:43Which is why it became a rare breed, because people would rather eat that.
15:47Yes.
15:48Yeah, that's got more meat in it.
15:50Oh.
15:51All that effort and we've got sausages.
15:54Very nice sausages, I might add.
15:56Yeah, no, delicious, I'm sure.
15:58Very expensive sausages to produce.
16:04It's loss-making in that, really, isn't it?
16:11Yeah.
16:13It is a tough game, pig farming.
16:16Yeah.
16:16Still, look at it this way.
16:18At least the pub's losing money.
16:26That had been a bad day.
16:30But the following morning, things looked rosier.
16:36As my high-tech, driverless tractor had arrived.
16:46My God, what a fantastic-looking thing this is.
16:51The Agbot.
16:53I mean, it was quite fun seeing it in the NEC, but seeing it on a farm
16:58is when you realise just how...
17:03fantastically futuristic it is.
17:06It's Dutch, isn't it?
17:08Yeah, built in Holland.
17:09Diesel engine, generator, two electric motors.
17:12Right, so the diesel engine powers the generator.
17:16And that then powers the two electric motors.
17:19Oh, so, OK, like a modern-day Royal Navy destroyer.
17:23Highly efficient.
17:24Don't lose any power in the drivetrain.
17:28Will, who'd first shown me the Agbot at Lama,
17:31then explained how it was able to operate on its own
17:35in a world full of rules and lawsuits.
17:38The first thing is two GPS receivers.
17:41So, one does the primary navigation, one checks.
17:44Because what is the satellite in cars now?
17:47They're accurate to within...
17:48A couple of metres.
17:48A couple of metres.
17:49Yeah.
17:49This is two within...
17:50Two centimetres.
17:51Just under an inch in old-fashioned money.
17:53Next.
17:54On the top, the little blue-coloured dome.
17:56A rotating laser beam, for want of a better description.
17:59OK.
18:00Scans 30 metres around the Agbot.
18:02Oh, if it detects...
18:03If it detects something, it will begin to slow down.
18:06And stop.
18:06So, our dogs, for example,
18:08which are not the most well-trained dogs in the world.
18:10Yeah.
18:10If the dog were to run in front of it, it would stop.
18:13Slow down and stop, yeah.
18:15If all that fails, that, if we touch that,
18:18the machine will stop dead in the field.
18:20So, it's a great many safety features.
18:23Multiple layers of functional safety, yes.
18:27Despite all this Terminator-style independence,
18:30the Agbot can be driven by a human.
18:36But for that, you need a gaming controller.
18:40To take the brake off, one click this way.
18:44OK. Set.
18:46So, now the machine is live.
18:49Forward.
18:56Left and right is on this one.
19:01Oh, my God, this is so...
19:03This is like the remote-controlled toy you always wanted.
19:11See, all those years on Call of Duty...
19:15Even better.
19:16Will told me that a job I'd never mastered in five years,
19:21hitching things to the back of a tractor,
19:24would now be a doddle.
19:28Right.
19:30Nearly there.
19:32Whoa, whoa, whoa.
19:33Yeah, we're there.
19:35Go forward a little tiny bit.
19:41There you go.
19:42I did a thing!
19:43I actually hooked a thing in!
19:46There you go.
19:47I've done a whole thing!
19:48Well done, proper job.
19:50Me, I did that!
19:52Wow, this is properly raining now.
19:55Should we retire to the office for one minute?
19:56Yeah, I think we need a cup of coffee to have a think about this.
20:00It's at times like this,
20:02you actually do need a tractor with a cab to be in.
20:06That is the drawback.
20:08I've just uncovered.
20:10While we sheltered from the rain,
20:13Will showed me a bit of ground he'd already mapped out,
20:16so the Agbot could do a test run.
20:20So we've got to tell it where to start, where to stop.
20:24OK.
20:24OK.
20:25This is where it gets very exciting.
20:27You'll like this.
20:28Calculate root.
20:29Ta-da!
20:30Root calculated successfully, right?
20:32Look at that, there it is.
20:33And we can see...
20:35Oh, see, so how many passes it's going to do.
20:37And look, you can see what it's going to do,
20:38where it's going to turn.
20:39Got a nice light bulb turn there.
20:41Oh, my God!
20:42It's worked out where to turn.
20:43It's worked out where to turn.
20:44There it needs to do a three-point turn,
20:46so where it's orange, it's going in reverse.
20:48Amazing.
20:49And this is communicating with the machine?
20:52Because this is what...
20:54I have this thing about driverless cars,
20:57which are all the rage in the world of motoring.
20:59Yep.
20:59So you need to go and get groceries.
21:01So you get your car to go into town,
21:03which you can do, negotiate roundabouts,
21:06negotiate traffic lights,
21:07find a parking space and park in it.
21:09But then what?
21:11It can't go into the shop and get the groceries.
21:13You have to go with it.
21:14And if you go with it, you may as well drive it.
21:17You might as well drive it.
21:18In the car, it's not tiring.
21:19So they're pointless.
21:21But this, I can set that going.
21:23I know I've got three and a half hours
21:25to go and do something else.
21:26Absolutely.
21:27This is where autonomous driving really makes sense.
21:34After the rain had stopped,
21:36we climbed into the Range Rover
21:38and from the passenger seat,
21:39I piloted the Agbot to the test area.
21:43Here we go.
21:44So, implement up.
21:48Okay.
21:49And...
21:50Handbrake off.
21:55No way.
21:57Holy mother of God.
22:06That is fantastic.
22:11However, while the Agbot was chugging along nicely...
22:15Oh, yeah.
22:17Yeah.
22:17Us two in the cheap seats.
22:20We're struggling a bit.
22:26Stuck.
22:29Uh...
22:30Hang on.
22:32I've had a great idea.
22:34What we got.
22:40We're ready?
22:41Yeah, we're good to go, yeah?
22:42Steady as we go.
22:43Taking up the slack.
22:50Oh, you're having a laugh.
22:52You're having a laugh.
23:03Has anyone in the world ever towed themselves out?
23:07While driving the vehicle that's doing the towing?
23:12Thanks to the Agbot, we eventually reached the field.
23:18Where it could get on with its day job.
23:21Press and hold button one.
23:24Auto-guiding.
23:26It's now driving itself.
23:27It is.
23:27It's hunting for its start point.
23:29It's hunting for its start point.
23:30Yep.
23:30Like a dog.
23:33It's just...
23:34I'm not turning.
23:34I'm not turning that.
23:36I am not turning.
23:41It's at its start point.
23:43Press and hold button two.
23:45OK?
23:50And it's going.
23:52That's it.
23:54Wow.
24:04Oh, it's turning. It's turning.
24:06Here it comes.
24:06Oh, it's turning.
24:18OK, it's done it.
24:20That sold itself to me a thousand times over.
24:32This is quite unbelievable to me.
24:35You think you're driving in a straight line, but then you look up, you see a bird, the phone rings,
24:39you hit a bump, and you're off it.
24:41That is perfection. Look at it.
24:45To the centimetre.
24:49The only thing the Agbot couldn't do anything about was the weather, which had made the field too wet to
24:56cultivate properly.
24:58But for now, it had proved its point.
25:01Let's just stop it now.
25:06It's like...
25:08It's almost like if you'd have arrived at the Battle of Hastings with a Harrier jump jet, is how I'm
25:14feeling with that now.
25:16It's...
25:18Bloody hell.
25:33While we waited for the soil to dry out, there were other jobs to do.
25:38Like releasing the guinea fowl.
25:41The time has come.
25:43Who had now completed their five days settling in period.
25:49We let them out, but we let them out in a very narrow prescribed area, which is this half of
25:54the wood.
25:55Yeah.
25:56And the thing about guinea fowl is, if Mr Fox comes, they'll just scootle up a tree and Mr Fox
26:01can't do that.
26:06Come on, guinea fowl.
26:07Freedom!
26:09Look, here we are.
26:11Look at their little faces.
26:15One of them's going to go and then they're all going to go.
26:17Yeah, I know.
26:18You can see they're trying to pluck up courage.
26:20Yeah.
26:20It's like when I was seven on a diving board at the swimming pool.
26:23Yes, yes.
26:23Oh, I can't.
26:24And you know you're going to do it.
26:26But you're just like, oh, I can't.
26:27Because in Doncaster, no one could swim.
26:31That's how I got on the swimming team in Doncaster, because I was the only person that didn't drown in
26:35water.
26:36Oh, he's...
26:37He's gone.
26:38He's gone.
26:39He actually fell out, to be honest.
26:41And that's...
26:41Oh, yeah.
26:41He fell out.
26:42That was on the diving board being pushed.
26:44Oh, they're all coming.
26:45Yeah, look.
26:47Oh, that's fantastic.
26:48Now they can see.
26:52Oh, that really makes me happy.
27:00That actually...
27:01That is hurting a putt.
27:02There's a putt in that that's hurting the ear.
27:05Our bedroom is there.
27:08That's the soundtrack of our lives from now on.
27:12I bought my two-year-old granddaughter while I went into the shop at Christmas and said,
27:16Can I have the noisiest toys you have?
27:19Because I knew it would annoy my daughter.
27:21And she's repaid me with the noisiest farmyard animals that you can get.
27:29Christ almighty, they're loud.
27:44The guinea fowl didn't get to spoil our weekend lion, though.
27:49Because we'd already been dragged out of bed by something of an emergency.
27:55PHONE RINGS
27:57Hello?
27:58Hi, Charlie.
27:59Hello.
28:00We have a problem.
28:02Um...
28:03Okay.
28:03About a hundred...
28:05Well, more than a hundred...
28:07It's the word travelling people have arrived at the pub car park and set up shop.
28:19A hundred?
28:20What vehicles?
28:21I haven't gone over there.
28:22I just think I'd make things worse, but...
28:25A lot.
28:26And they've got horses...
28:28Um...
28:30An enormous number.
28:35So, have they come to camp?
28:38I don't know.
28:38I don't know.
28:39I don't know.
28:40I don't know.
28:40I haven't been over there.
28:41But, I mean, one of our...
28:43You know Ben, the cameraman?
28:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:46He went over and, um...
28:49Was invited to, forgive the language, fuck off.
28:52Um, and he was...
28:53He was just...
28:54No, he's a pig lad.
28:56So, now we need to know what their objectives are.
28:59Are they gonna stay?
29:00Don't know.
29:00Or, are they going to go?
29:03What?
29:03I don't know.
29:07Whoa, whoa, whoa.
29:08Where are you going?
29:09I've gotta get over there.
29:10Where?
29:11The pub.
29:11You're not going to...
29:12There's chaos.
29:13You are not a diplomat and you have a dicky heart.
29:16Out.
29:17You're not going, Jeremy.
29:19Come on, let's go.
29:20Park that car back there now.
29:25Fortunately, Ben, the cameraman, refused the traveller's kind invitation to...
29:30F off.
29:32And managed to keep filming with his camera and drone.
29:37Get out of the mix, man, will you?
29:38Got it.
29:39Small Charlie's ringing, Brendan.
29:41And it soon became apparent the travellers were using our car park as a base
29:46for some kind of horse and buggy racing event on the nearby dual carriageway.
29:54There is very old bylaws.
29:56You are allowed to exercise your horse on the road,
29:58so they're totally allowed to do what they're doing here today.
30:01The police are all over it.
30:02They can't stop them.
30:04In terms of the farmer's dog pub and site and our customers,
30:07nobody can get in.
30:07It's completely blocked.
30:13This meant we had no choice but to sit on our hands and wait.
30:32Four hours later, though, they finished up, went on their way, and we could finally get the pub open.
30:44They haven't left much litter, which I was worried about.
30:46We've done a litter pick.
30:47Oh, have you?
30:48They came.
30:49With just cans and stuff?
30:50Oh, no, syringes.
30:51They've obviously inject the horses.
30:53I'm not an expert, but...
30:55Syringes?
30:55Yeah.
30:56Shit.
30:57I know, and they've given me this.
31:02It's for your padlock and the rubbish that they left, and they hope that...
31:06Well, 150 quid.
31:08Yeah.
31:11So they break in...
31:13Yeah.
31:13...and then pay for the damage.
31:15Well, this is something...
31:16Yeah.
31:16Open a pub.
31:17It'll be fun.
31:18I have said.
31:19And then have problems like this to do.
31:21Yeah.
31:21Never expected this one.
31:27A couple of days later, with the fields drying nicely, we could at last get cracking with our new high
31:34-tech crop planting programme.
31:38Right.
31:39Ranging pole.
31:40This, we'll talk to this, and we'll record the points as we go around the field.
31:44Job one involved Agbot Will and I mapping the fields, so that the Agbot's GPS system would know where it
31:51was.
31:52Save this point.
31:53Yeah.
31:54Perfect.
31:55So now we go to the next point.
31:57Okay.
31:58If we're staying in line with a hedge, this is straight.
32:01Yep.
32:01Let's save that, shall we?
32:04Save.
32:06Right.
32:07Splitterways is mapped.
32:09While we were inputting all the data into the Agbot's brain...
32:12Oh, there it is.
32:14Yeah.
32:14Oh, wow, that's what we did.
32:16That's what we walked, yeah.
32:17Jacob, the Dutch potato farmer, was out in our fields.
32:22Taking underground readings, so we'd know where the soil was good...
32:28...and where it wasn't.
32:36Jacob can look down into the centre of the Earth.
32:39Yeah.
32:40Like an echo sander in a submarine.
32:42Something like that, yes.
32:43As he'd explained in Holland, red denoted the rich areas of soil and dark blue, the weaker patches.
32:52And with this information, we could now do targeted seed planting.
32:57If we get the Agbot, okay, and we say, when you're going over this red bit, pummel the ground, you
33:06know, like machine gun fire.
33:07When you're going over this blue bit, it changes the rate at which it's planting the seed.
33:14If the...
33:15I already made a map for the Agbot, so you could drill variable.
33:19Yeah.
33:19I made that map.
33:21And it wasn't just variable-rate seed planting.
33:24With this new information, we could now fertilize the field more efficiently by doing targeted muck spreading.
33:31And as a bonus, we had a mountain of rather special muck ready to go.
33:38That's not cow muck.
33:41Bet you can't guess what animal that came out of the back of.
33:46Nope, I'm afraid you're wrong.
33:50It actually came out of these guys.
33:53They live about ten miles away from Diddley Squatter to local tourist attraction.
34:00Here we are.
34:01The Cotswold Wildlife Park.
34:04And last year, Reggie, the owner, had said he'd be happy for us to help ourselves to everything that came
34:11out of their bottoms.
34:13I've always felt that this is quite special stuff because, actually, they've got a very short stomach, rhinos.
34:20And so it's very fibrous. It's full of nutritional material. It's much better than cow dums.
34:25So, is it?
34:25Well, I think so because cow dums had much more taken out of it. It's been because of the second
34:30stomach and all the rest of it.
34:31Whereas this stuff is neat. It even smells quite wholesome and fresh when it comes out the first time round.
34:36And it's just sort of ready to go.
34:38You're my new favorite person.
34:41Whilst our trailers were being loaded, we said goodbye to the donors.
34:48And then there was a little surprise for Caleb.
34:52See the baby camel there?
34:54Yeah.
34:54The little six-week-old one.
34:56Yeah.
34:56Just been talking to one of the people who work here.
34:58Do you know what they've called it?
35:00You know what?
35:01Caleb.
35:02Have they actually?
35:03Yeah, they have.
35:04Because it's got...
35:05It's had one of your endless hairstyles.
35:07It's got.
35:09So they said it looks like Caleb Cooper and they've named it Caleb.
35:12That's made my day.
35:13Look, you can see it's stupid hair.
35:15It's not stupid. It's great. Look at it.
35:16That's named after you.
35:19Caleb.
35:25Back in the present, the dung from this prehistoric animal was about to be spread using space-age technology.
35:34When it goes over a red bit...
35:36It will put on...
35:37Less...
35:38Yeah.
35:39...than when it goes over a blue bit.
35:40You're putting more on the blue bits.
35:42Yeah.
35:43Technology blows my mind when I'm 26 years old.
35:45Imagine being a 60-year-old farmer.
35:47Sat here.
35:47No, not you.
35:49But you...
35:50Not you.
35:51Do you know what I mean?
35:52No, no.
35:53This is because we went over the Holland for the day.
35:55Yeah.
35:56And now look where we are.
35:57Now look at us.
35:57But if your yield goes through...
35:59Through the roof, it's worth doing, isn't it?
36:00Yeah.
36:03All we needed now was for the technology to work.
36:16I know now he's coming up to a very good bit of soil.
36:19So the amount coming out of the back should reduce dramatically.
36:23And it has done, look.
36:24It has done.
36:27Looks hardly any.
36:28It's like a fine mist of feces.
36:31Jeez, I think it's working.
36:34Now look, it's getting thicker again.
36:38This is honestly amazing.
36:41On that corner, it went to five tonnes a hectare.
36:44Now I'm on 45 tonnes a hectare.
36:47What, you're impressed with it?
36:50Really impressed.
36:52Well, now is the time to really surprise him.
36:59While Caleb carried on with his mathematical muck spreading...
37:04It's about under 25 now.
37:06I went to fetch the agbot so he could start cultivating.
37:30What?
37:34When these lights on the top go green...
37:37...the agbot will know which field it's in and be ready to start work.
37:43Big win!
37:45I have done a good job!
37:53Right.
37:55What the fuck is that?
37:57The agbot.
37:58I've made your tractor.
38:0021st century with its new stuff.
38:03This is the 24th century.
38:05I've mapped this field.
38:06I went all the way round it the other day with a prong.
38:09So it knows the field.
38:10And we're going to get it to its start point.
38:12I then go to the pub.
38:13It drives itself?
38:15Well, you can just go.
38:16Oh, yeah.
38:17And it will cultivate this field.
38:19What about if it blocks up?
38:21It'll ring me.
38:24Round of your snaps of time.
38:26You wouldn't know that even if you were...
38:27Stop being negative.
38:28No, you would.
38:29I'd just look behind as I'm driving up and down the field.
38:32Come on, admit it.
38:33This is superb.
38:34It's Dutch.
38:36And I don't have to pay you to cultivate the field.
38:40That's basically taking my job.
38:41It has.
38:43Where's it going to start then?
38:44It should start where you've been muck spreading.
38:46And it will do the steering to find its start point.
38:50Go on, then.
38:50Set it going.
38:51It's not going to work.
38:52It will.
38:53It won't.
38:59Should be turning left any minute now, which I'm not doing.
39:03Oh, yeah.
39:05Yes.
39:09Look at that.
39:11Is it going to drop it in, then?
39:12Hang on.
39:13Yay!
39:17Behold my technology at work.
39:26That is the Starship Enterprise of farming.
39:38Oh, he stopped.
39:39That went well.
39:40Shit.
39:41Error detected.
39:42Localisation.
39:43Joy lift.
39:45Hitch tour link.
39:47Fold off.
39:47What the fuck does all that?
39:48That's Farmers.
39:49Fortunately, Agbot Will was on hand.
39:52Press and hold button two.
39:54No, we've got to get it off the handbrake, haven't we?
39:56Let go of two.
39:56Press the pause button.
40:00Please.
40:03And it stopped again.
40:05Oh, this is a great day to be alive.
40:07You're doing a great job cultivating.
40:09Honestly.
40:10Ignore him.
40:13What does Novotel messages are too late mean on it?
40:17It's not picking the GPS receiver up.
40:20For whatever reason, the message is delayed.
40:22It's not reading the satellite?
40:24It's not reading the satellite quick enough.
40:26Oh, for fuck's sake.
40:28Look at this lot.
40:29I'm going to get in the tractor and start up and it's going to work.
40:32Just ignore him. He'll go away.
40:33OK.
40:37Listen!
40:41So it's scanning round to look at its environment.
40:44And then when it's happy, it'll go.
40:46Press the old button two.
40:48One click.
40:49Press the pause button.
40:55Come on.
40:57Come on.
40:57Please, come on.
40:58Please, please, please work.
41:01Yes.
41:03Oh.
41:05And it stopped again.
41:06For fuck's sake.
41:09Oh, fucking God.
41:17Are you all ready for your autonomous cars?
41:20Hope so.
41:21I'm not.
41:24So are they...
41:25The factory in Holland are now...
41:27They are looking at that.
41:28They have looked into that.
41:29They are talking to that.
41:30This is the problem.
41:31If it has an app, it won't work.
41:33If anyone can remotely access something, it won't work.
41:41Looks like it's going well over there.
41:44What does the factory say now?
41:47Boot up.
41:49Finally, we were ready for another attempt.
41:54Right.
41:56Cultivator's gone down.
41:57I'm not doing that.
41:58Weight box is going down.
42:02Come on.
42:02Come on.
42:03Come on.
42:04Come on.
42:08Yes.
42:10Yes.
42:12Yes.
42:14Come on.
42:15Come on, little fella.
42:17I'm doing it.
42:25When the Agbot finished its first pass and turned to do its second,
42:31I knew we were in business.
42:46Even Caleb was absolutely bowled over.
42:50Is it doing a good job?
42:52Yeah, it's all right.
43:03And that's it.
43:05And I can go and get on with another job.
43:15Sadly, it was a job I was dreading.
43:21Because ever since David the butcher had shown me what a small amount of meat my pigs were producing,
43:30I'd known there was only one option.
43:39I love the pigs.
43:41I have absolutely...
43:44I've just been delighted with every day I'm down there.
43:47They make my heart sing.
43:49I'm so happy with them.
43:51But we're running a business here.
43:53Yep.
43:55And they make no financial sense at all.
44:05And so, over the next few days, we'd be saying goodbye to all of them.
44:12Hello, wieners.
44:19You are funny.
44:25I mean, they're going off anyway.
44:27It's time for them to be...
44:31...moved on.
44:34The difference this time, though, is that there'd be no new piglets to replace them.
44:54These are all the sues and clumsies.
44:57These are the master of the boys.
45:00That's it.
45:01There you go.
45:03Go on.
45:18They had a good life, didn't they?
45:20Yeah, not a really long life.
45:27It was even harder to say goodbye to the next group.
45:31Because it included one of the mothers from the first batch we'd bought three years earlier.
45:38Oh, surprise.
45:42It was the first pig we had that gave birth.
45:53Come on.
45:57Come on, girl.
46:00Remember, it's for the better good.
46:02What?
46:03It's for the better good.
46:05It's still fucking sad.
46:13All good?
46:14Well, no, not really, because of poor old surprise.
46:16As long as you cry once I've left, I'm not too worried.
46:19I'm not going to cry.
46:20Are you sure?
46:23All right, thanks, Jess.
46:24Take care of yourself.
46:24Safe travels.
46:26Thanks, Caleb.
46:26See you later, Jess.
46:42Finally, the day came to say goodbye to the last two original mothers.
46:48Clumsy...
46:50...and Suez.
46:53A lot of happy memories from them.
46:55Yeah, I know.
46:57The one bit of good news in this whole sad saga is that these two had at least been saved
47:03from the slaughterhouse.
47:06They're going off to a farm where it's like a school, so children go, and they go, these are pigs.
47:13Oh, well, girls, you love it.
47:15So they're going to have a...
47:17They're going to be headmistresses in a school?
47:19Yeah, well, they're going off to be exhibits in a school.
47:23Are you going to keep their names?
47:24Yes.
47:25Clumsy and Swiss?
47:26Clumsy and Swiss, yeah.
47:27They're going to be very good names.
47:29Well, that's the important thing, because they're brilliant, these two.
47:32No, I couldn't really have handled it.
47:34If they'd gone off to be eaten.
47:37You know they've had four batches of piglets, Lisa.
47:41Do you know how many they've had in total between them?
47:43No.
47:44Four lots, yeah?
47:4570 pigs.
47:46They've survived.
47:4770?
47:4870.
47:49Good girls!
47:50That's pretty good, actually.
47:51Oh, look.
47:52Here we go.
47:54You are dealing with clumsy there.
47:57Well, well done, Lisa.
47:59Nurse Swiss waiting, look, patiently.
48:02Hello, Swiss.
48:05Who is it with a pig?
48:06Who is it with a pig?
48:09Who is it with a pig?
48:11We're going to miss you.
48:13We're going to miss you.
48:19Come on, Swiss.
48:22Come on.
48:23Here we go.
48:24Here we go.
48:25Here we go.
48:26Come on.
48:28Come on.
48:35All right, Mark.
48:36Safe travels.
48:36Yeah, no worries.
48:37Thank you very much.
48:38Thanks a lot.
48:55Well done.
48:55You gave them a great life.
49:01Come on.
49:01Come on, piggies.
49:12Welcome to diddly squat.
49:15You're so cute.
49:17Aren't they just the best?
49:18It's not time to make a change.
49:22Just relax.
49:24Take it easy.
49:26You're still young.
49:27Uh-oh.
49:29The sow is now going to join Lisa.
49:31Jeremy!
49:34Who's going to look after them?
49:37Me.
49:38You're having sex?
49:40Lovely romantic.
49:41It's very wide.
49:43Get the briskets, darling.
49:44Get the briskets.
49:45Which one for?
49:47What the bloody hell's that?
49:49Has one of the pigs been sick in my pocket?
49:53When you're not here,
49:54Coobin.
50:00Put a new sensor on there and up.
50:02Which is easily done, yes?
50:05Hey?
50:09Oh, she's my routine.
50:14Good little one.
50:15Well done, Mum.
50:17Ten piggies.
50:19This is the best bit of farming I've had so far.
50:22Oh, wait.
50:23I know.
50:25I have to go.
50:27She's obviously squashing them.
50:29Oh, no.
50:42Night bonus.
50:45Oh, God.
50:48I hate to admit this.
50:50Yes.
50:51Clarkson's ring.
50:52It worked.
50:53Oh, my God.
50:55There's loads.
51:06Look how feisty he's become.
51:09That is Richard Hammond.
51:11If you spill his pint.
51:12if they were right.
51:14I'd agree.
51:15But it's them they know, not me.
51:18Now there's a way.
51:21And I know.
51:22That I have to go away.
51:26I know I have to go
51:38Follow Caleb, this is Houston Control
51:41Mate, you've logged into my tractor
51:42Call me Flight
51:43The first dare food night at the farmer's dog
51:46Lamb's brain here, stuffed heart
51:48Have you smelled it?
51:50You make you crazy in a mouth
51:53RP33
51:54Yep
51:54You found a grant
51:55They pay us to slow the water down
51:58That machine is amazing
51:59Endgame's first child
52:03It's all yours now