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00:02Every year, Ms. Eleonora Butters would ask her kindergarten class to draw a picture of their families,
00:08which she would then display on Meet the Teacher night.
00:13That's how Ty Richmond's parents saw his depiction of their fighting.
00:19And Amy Hines' parents saw her portrayal of their drinking.
00:25And Jason Monty's parents saw his illustration of their hygiene.
00:32You see, Ms. Butters felt it was important for parents to see themselves through their children's eyes.
00:40She knew the experience...
00:42Eddie's got me vacuuming in my bra.
00:44Do I do that?
00:46...could be very educational.
00:50I know, I know.
00:51Did I not say seven? You missed their little show. MJ was tooth decay.
00:55Well, Crosstown traffic killed me. And I told you to videotape it.
00:58Well, did you tell me to take off the lens cap? Next time, be more specific.
01:02Mr. Delfino, glad you made it.
01:04Did you get to see MJ's artwork?
01:06No, not yet. Can't wait.
01:09Oh, hey, look at that. There we are, standing in front of the house.
01:12Look what he did with my hair. I kind of like the bangs.
01:15Hey, look, he put a wrench in my pocket.
01:17Ben, see how big my muscles are?
01:18Which is a good thing, because there's a shark attacking the house.
01:24Hey, Daddy.
01:25Hey, buddy. Your mommy and I were just looking at your wonderful painting.
01:28You like it?
01:28Yeah, I love it. Especially how big and strong you made me look.
01:31That's not you. That's Jackson.
01:33See the paintbrush in his pocket?
01:38Oh, who's Jackson?
01:41He paints our house until my mommy can drink wine and have a sleepover.
01:48Uh, because Mike and I are divorced, so that's why it was supposed to be a picture of the family,
01:56so you should have put your daddy in it.
01:58I did.
02:06Oh, the bug with the little hat?
02:09That's you, because you're always so far away.
02:13Oh, yeah, that's, um, now I see me.
02:18Yes, every year, Ms. Eleonora Butters would ask her class to draw a picture of their families, even though she
02:26knew the portraits might not be that flattering.
02:35If you look closely into the faces of your friends, you'll see it.
02:42Hey! Congratulations! Come on in!
02:45Right behind their smiles, you will see a certain green-eyed monster.
02:50And then you'll understand how envious they are of your well-kept home, your delicious recipes, and your tasteful possessions.
03:04Here's my cookbook!
03:06But you'll have to work hard to see the jealousy, because good friends always work hard to hide it.
03:16Look at you, right on the cover.
03:20These are advanced copies. I wanted you to be the first to have them.
03:24Oh, and look, you signed it. To Lynette, the sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever known. Aww.
03:29To Susan, the sweetest, most...
03:31We don't have to read them out loud.
03:33Don't mind me, ladies. I'm just grabbing a kiss on my way to the salt mines.
03:37Mmm, you have a good day.
03:39Oh, did you show them yet?
03:40Oh, I almost forgot.
03:41Um, why, isn't this nice?
03:44They're running it next month in Women's Day.
03:46You're gonna be in magazines, too?
03:48They've come up with this whole marketing plan.
03:51Radio, print, book signings.
03:53Wow. Isn't it fantastic?
03:55No, it's horrible.
03:56She's gonna become this famous author and have no time at all for us.
03:59No, come on, Gabby. You know that Brie will never change.
04:02Thank you, Catherine. I will never become stuck up and full of myself.
04:05You didn't say that.
04:06I said you'd never change.
04:08Very funny.
04:09I hardly think you have to worry about me becoming famous.
04:11You have a marketing plan.
04:13You want to see my marketing plan?
04:17Milk, bread, vodka, condoms.
04:21Can I see that? I'd love to read it.
04:23Why?
04:23Well, back before I consecrated my life to mozzarella, marketing was sort of what I did.
04:28Oh, right. Of course. I would, uh, love to hear your thoughts.
04:32So you're still gonna want to hang out with us even when you're totally fabulous and we're still nobodies.
04:37Girls, you are making way too much of this.
04:39I am not a bit more fabulous than any one of you.
04:43Excuse me.
04:44What is it, Andrew?
04:46I hope you're free for lunch on the 12th, cause the Chamber of Commerce just named you Businesswoman of the
04:50Year.
04:51Oh my god, that is so amazing!
04:59The, uh, dry cleaner. Just, um, found my sweater.
05:13Hi.
05:14Orson, I have amazing news. The Chamber of Commerce just called.
05:18Oh, what about?
05:18I want to buy you lunch and tell you in person I will be at your office in two minutes.
05:22Uh, no. No. Uh, don't come to my office.
05:25You know, I can't have lunch now. Um, I'm in a meeting.
05:28Well, I'll wait in reception until it's over.
05:30No, it'll take hours. It's a very urgent, uh, high-level stuff.
05:39What kind of meeting is it?
05:41George, hey! Turn that radio down!
05:45Where are you?
05:46I told you, I'm in a meeting.
05:50I gotta go. I'll see you soon.
05:55Yes, you will.
06:02Mike! What's going on?
06:04Daddy, you got me a bike.
06:05Yes, I see. And your mommy thought we'd agreed to wait till your birthday. Crazy mommy.
06:10Can you teach me to hide it?
06:12No, not today. I gotta go install a water heater.
06:15But, uh, you keep practicing and the next afternoon I have free, we'll bust off those training wheels and go
06:18kick up some dirt.
06:19Okay?
06:20Okay.
06:21All right.
06:23Oh, my God.
06:25This is about MJ's drawing, isn't it?
06:27What?
06:28He does not love Jackson more than you. He knows who his father is.
06:32I know that.
06:33Can a guy get his kid a bike without being psychoanalyzed?
06:37So you're totally fine with that drawing.
06:39Well, I won't go stick it in all my fridge any time soon, but yeah.
06:43Look, I'm glad you're dating a nice guy. I'm glad he likes my kid, and my kid likes him. Here's
06:47a bike. That's all it is.
06:51Hey, guys.
06:53Jackson! Look at my new bike!
06:56Pretty cool.
06:59Uh, that's a custom titanium frame. Make sure MJ knows that.
07:09Mommy, can Bethany go home now?
07:11Honey, she's only been here 20 minutes. We invited her over to play so go play.
07:15But all she does is spin.
07:21Honey, we want Bethany to be our friend.
07:23So if she wants to spin, just suck it up and spin.
07:29Why are you shoving that little weirdo down Juanita's throat?
07:32That little weirdo is the key to you and I having more sex.
07:36I know I should ask a few questions, but I'm in.
07:39Bethany's mom hosts a weekly play date. I'm trying to get Juanita an invitation.
07:43How does that lead to quality time with your boobs?
07:47Carlos, the only time you and I have to ourselves is late at night, but by that time we're too
07:51exhausted.
07:52And now that we have Celia in afternoon preschool, all we have to do is unload Juanita, and then we
07:57can get back to doing the nasty.
07:59This doesn't seem right. Dumping our kid off on some unsuspecting woman so that we can have sex.
08:04Wake up. Play dates were invented by mothers for this exact purpose.
08:08Shopping, sex, drinking in the afternoon. Play dates make all these things possible.
08:13I don't know. I feel bad making my kid play with someone that she obviously doesn't like.
08:19Bethany's mom will take Juanita once a week for two whole hours. That is sex and a nap.
08:26Juanita! I don't hear you spinning!
08:30I don't understand. You said the job was going so well.
08:33It was. Then three weeks ago my parole officer left me a message at work.
08:38That's when I found out I lied on my application when I said I didn't have a criminal record.
08:42So you've been pretending to go to work for three weeks?
08:45I know you're angry.
08:47Honey, I'm not angry.
08:51I'm hurt that you didn't feel like you could tell me.
08:54I was embarrassed.
08:56Brie, when we married, I was the breadwinner.
08:59Now you have your company and you have your book.
09:01I'm a felon who can't hold on to a job.
09:04Orson, we're partners.
09:06We share everything.
09:08Any success I have is just as much yours as it is mine.
09:13Thank you, darling.
09:17So, why did the Chamber of Commerce call?
09:22Apparently we've been named Businesswoman of the Year.
09:36Don't do nothing!
09:46Wow!
09:47You'd be killer in our band.
09:48Wouldn't you be killer, Dave?
09:50Donald, why don't you let us talk it over and we'll get back to you.
09:53No problem.
09:53I have to get back to the office anyway. Quarterly. Tax time.
09:55It's got me swamped.
09:57We'll definitely call you today.
09:59Thanks, gentlemen.
10:02Don't you think he crushed it?
10:04He was good. Technically.
10:06He didn't really have a heart.
10:08What do you mean?
10:09When he played Voodoo Child, it was like Hendrix had risen.
10:12Hey, what about Mike?
10:14I thought that's who we were going to get.
10:16I asked, but he said he's too busy.
10:18Too busy to live a little...
10:19Not gonna fly.
10:20Call him. Give him my number.
10:22I'll talk to him.
10:22Okay, sure.
10:23But what about Donald?
10:24I mean, because if we don't get Mike, I want to make sure...
10:26Tom, Donald's out.
10:27Alright?
10:31Have Mike call me.
10:43What a rehearsal.
10:45I mean, Dave and I were smoking.
10:49You hear us?
10:50Lynette?
10:54Lynette?
10:55I'm sorry, what?
10:57Never mind.
10:59What are you working on?
11:00Is this Bree's ad stuff?
11:02Oh, God, no.
11:02Her agency really whiffed, so I'm coming up with a whole new campaign.
11:06I was looking through my old portfolio for inspiration.
11:09Oh, I remember this one.
11:11Feet, meet your new best friends.
11:13It's a classic.
11:14You know, it's been years since I looked through this stuff.
11:16If I'd forgotten, I was kind of great.
11:20You were awesome.
11:21I mean, come on.
11:21How lucky is Bree to have a neighbor who used to be a big advertising hotshot?
11:24Well, maybe I'm the lucky one.
11:26This could be a perfect way for me to stick my toe back in the business.
11:32Nothing big.
11:33Maybe just pick up some freelance money.
11:35If you do that, where are you gonna find the time for the family and the restaurant?
11:39Well, gee, I don't know.
11:40I guess the same place that you find time for your garage band.
11:43Lynette, I'm just saying that if you...
11:52Okay, I dropped off Celia at preschool and Juanita's at her play date. Dropped her out.
11:57Why don't you put on that sexy red teddy?
11:59Can I ask why? I mean, you can't see it.
12:02Yeah, but I can feel it.
12:03And I love the sensation of sliding silk off your body.
12:08Oh.
12:10What's it like, Carlos?
12:13What?
12:14Sex is a blind man.
12:16I mean, it used to be so visual.
12:19Is it still as good?
12:21It's better. I mean, having to rely on your senses of touch and taste and smell, it's actually way more
12:26intense.
12:28Really?
12:29Oh, you're so lucky.
12:31Wait, you want blind sex?
12:33I think I can arrange that.
12:38Hey there.
12:42Looks like somebody's job interview went well.
12:44Nope.
12:45They turned me down flat.
12:46Aw.
12:47But as I was driving home, it suddenly hit me.
12:49I may be persona non grata at every company in this town, but there's at least one employer I know
12:54who would love to hire me.
12:54Oh, who?
12:58You.
13:00You want to work here?
13:03Why not?
13:04I'm great with food.
13:05I understand business.
13:06I can't beat the commute.
13:08Well, that's certainly an intriguing notion, but wouldn't it be awkward having me as your boss?
13:14Absolutely.
13:16But as you said in the park, we share everything.
13:19So I would be more of a partner.
13:22Partners? Oh.
13:23Aubrey, would you get me ahead with this arrangement?
13:27Just a second.
13:30I think the lilies need their own boss.
13:33You hired him. I will cut you with these scissors.
13:35I don't think we need to do that.
13:37I think they're crowding the irises out.
13:40Just in case you're trying to crowd me out. You already have a partner. Remember?
13:44Oh, well, I think the irises and the lilies could work together.
13:48Nope. One of them has to go.
13:50If I may offer an opinion.
13:51Not a good time, Orson.
13:54Tell him now, or I will walk.
14:00Orson, you really don't want to work with me.
14:02I mean, you only see me at home, but at work, when the pressure's on, I can be a bit
14:05of a handful.
14:06Katherine's seen how I get.
14:07Oh, yes.
14:09Bitchy. Tyrannical.
14:10Shrill.
14:10He gets it, dear.
14:15Honey, you're my partner in life.
14:17But if we want to keep it that way, we shouldn't mix marriage and business.
14:20But no one else will hire me.
14:22Well, you've only been looking for a few weeks.
14:24I mean, give it another, say, month or two, and if you still haven't found anything, then we'll revisit the
14:30idea.
14:30Okay?
14:33Okay.
14:34It was just a thought.
14:36Oh.
14:45Oh, so what'd you think?
14:46Oh, my God, you were right.
14:49Blind sex is incredible.
14:50Give me ten more minutes in an energy bar, and we can go one more time.
15:01No, I think we're done.
15:06Honey?
15:06What are you doing home?
15:08I thought you were at Bethany's.
15:09You've got a tummy ache.
15:10Her mom brought me back.
15:11Oh.
15:13How long have you been standing there?
15:15I don't know.
15:16What were you two doing?
15:18Um, we were, uh...
15:20We were wrestling.
15:21Wrestling.
15:23Did Daddy hurt you?
15:24You were making loud noises.
15:26No, no, that wasn't real.
15:29Sometimes I fake it when I wrestle with Daddy.
15:33Please don't wrestle with Mommy.
15:35You're too big.
15:36You could hurt her.
15:37Yeah, Carlos, stop that.
15:39Okay.
15:40Go to your room, and I'm gonna bring you something for your tummy.
15:46Mommy.
15:46I think she bought it.
15:47You mean the story of how Daddy beats up Mommy?
15:50Relax.
15:50I told her I was fine.
15:52Look, I could hear the worry in her voice.
15:53Why don't we just tell her the truth?
15:55What?
15:55That sometimes Mommy rides Daddy like a mechanical bull to get jewelry?
15:58She's five.
15:59She's too young to understand either half of that.
16:01It's the facts of life.
16:02She's gonna learn them eventually.
16:03And it's the most natural thing in the world.
16:05Carlos, if she was standing there any longer than five minutes,
16:08there was nothing natural about what she saw.
16:11By the way, thank you for that.
16:19Hello?
16:20Hey, it's me.
16:21Listen.
16:22I've got some free time.
16:23So I thought I'd come over and teach MJ how to ride his new bike.
16:25Great.
16:26He's so excited to learn.
16:28Are you sure he's ready to go without training wheels?
16:31No, he'll probably have to take a few spills,
16:32but luckily he'll have his old man there to pick him up.
16:35Yeah, he's been asking when you're coming.
16:37I can't wait to tell him.
16:38I know he'll be just...
16:43What's the matter?
16:44Spider.
16:45Big one.
16:46Gotta go.
16:49Mom, you look no training wheels.
16:52I know.
16:52He's just great.
16:54Jackson, can I see you a sec?
16:55That was amazing.
16:57He learned so fast.
16:58Yeah, and you know what I learned?
16:59Mike is on his way over here to teach his son how to ride the bike he bought.
17:03Something he was looking forward to until you ruined it.
17:06Why didn't you tell me that?
17:07I didn't know I had to tell you not to steal a father's precious moment.
17:09MJ, he just kept asking me.
17:11He made me do it.
17:12You could have walked away.
17:13I couldn't.
17:14He said, please.
17:17Damn it.
17:19As you can see, the graphic works just as well on a freestanding display unit.
17:23Neat, huh?
17:25Goodness, Lynette.
17:26When you offered to share your thoughts on my campaign, I wasn't expecting anything quite so elaborate.
17:31Well, who knew your marketing guys were such lame-os?
17:33What they came up with is so...
17:36tepid.
17:38Um, I think understated was what they were going for.
17:41Well, they overshot and wound up and bland right on the border a sucky.
17:45You need to grab your audience. Just grab them.
17:48I've gone for jazzier colors, bolder fonts.
17:51Oh, I have really played up the whole nostalgia angle.
17:55Let Mrs. Vandekamp turn your oven into a time machine.
17:59I see women really responding to that.
18:02Do you?
18:04Because I see children crawling into ovens hoping to see dinosaurs.
18:10Oh, okay.
18:11Well, I've got a whole bunch of alternatives.
18:14Lynette, I appreciate everything you've done, but I've actually approved the old campaign,
18:18and I can't just tell them I've changed my mind.
18:20You don't have to. I'll be the bad guy.
18:22Just tell them you've hired me, and I'll go in there six guns a-blazing.
18:27So, do we have a deal?
18:29Just give me the word.
18:32No.
18:33No?
18:34Sorry, but I prefer their campaign.
18:37Well, mine is better.
18:38Well, you're entitled to think so, but I don't.
18:43Look, Bree, I think I know a little more about marketing than you do when I was in it.
18:49I owned this town. I had every big account.
18:52Hell, I was even named Businesswoman of the Year.
18:55Oh!
18:55Well, I'm familiar with that award.
18:58In fact, I'm this year's recipient.
19:01Really?
19:01Yes. There's a luncheon on the 12th. I do hope you can make it.
19:05Mwah!
19:08By the way, you're right about those colors.
19:10Very jazzy.
19:19Come on, MJ. Your daddy's waiting.
19:27Mommy, I don't wanna fall.
19:30Oh, honey.
19:32You know how you like to push the button when we go on the elevator,
19:34and if somebody else pushes it first, it makes you sad.
19:37But I don't wanna fall.
19:39Just listen.
19:39Daddy really wanted to be the one to teach you to ride your bike,
19:42and if you can already do it, it's gonna make him sad.
19:45So just let Daddy push the button.
19:47Understand?
19:49Oh, man.
19:58Wow, he's really picking it up fast.
20:00Yeah, I think it's just beginner's luck.
20:06Are you sure he hasn't been practicing?
20:08No, he's absolutely waiting for you.
20:10You know, I think I'm gonna go check his helmet.
20:13What are you doing? We talked about this.
20:15You're supposed to be new at it.
20:16I don't wanna fall. I'm scared.
20:18Of what?
20:19You're three inches off the ground.
20:21You're completely padded.
20:22So just do what I say.
20:24Wobble, wobble.
20:25Daddy, look at me.
20:26Crash!
20:30Boy!
20:31He was just telling me how glad he is to have his dad here.
20:35Really?
20:36No one's feeling like he doesn't even need me.
20:38Oh, that's just silly.
20:53Oh, whoopsie-daisy.
20:55Oh, it's a good thing your dad's here to teach you how to do it right.
20:58Oh, looking good, buddy. But remember, when you stop, you gotta put your foot down first, okay?
21:03Ow!
21:04What, does that hurt right there, buddy?
21:05Oh, he's fine.
21:06No, Mommy, it hurts.
21:15This is all my fault.
21:16Will you stop? The doctor said it was just a sprain.
21:19I know, but still, I shouldn't have pushed it.
21:20You know, why look for blame? Kids fall. If you have to find fault, blame the pavement, not yourself or
21:27me.
21:30Mommy!
21:32He should have his pitching arm back in no time.
21:35Oh, thank you.
21:35But I did want to ask. MJ said that he fell on purpose. Something about you telling him to let
21:40Daddy push the elevator button?
21:45You told him to fall?
21:48Remember, it's the pavement you're mad at.
21:50What the hell, Susan? Why would you do something like that?
21:53Jackson taught him to ride the bike.
21:56Jackson?
21:57Who's Jackson?
21:58He does sleepovers with Mommy. They drink lots of wine.
22:03Hey, Doc, don't you hand out lollipops to brave little boys?
22:11I'm sorry. MJ was excited about the bike, so Jackson took off the training wheels and taught him. He didn't
22:16know.
22:17He didn't know I'd want to be the one to teach my own kid how to ride a bike?
22:20Okay, you know what?
22:22This is not Jackson's fault. You can't give a five-year-old a bike and expect him to wait to
22:27ride it until you have time.
22:31You know, this is what it means to be divorced.
22:34It means that sometimes you won't be there.
22:37I know.
22:39It's...
22:44It's harder than I thought it would be.
22:48Well, it's hard for me, too.
22:50I miss things when he's with you.
22:53And I...
22:55am trying to come to terms with my guilt because...
23:00I have to.
23:02So do you.
23:07There's nothing else you can do.
23:16Has Mike called?
23:19Hi, honey. You're home.
23:21Sorry, hon.
23:23Hi.
23:25So did he call?
23:27No.
23:29Hey, listen to this.
23:31Mrs. Hudson's putting our house up for sale. I think we should buy it.
23:35Why?
23:37As an investment.
23:38I mean, it's fantastic.
23:40My friend Mary Alice blew her brains out in this house and all I'd have to do is let that
23:43slip and we'd get her for a song.
23:46Yeah.
23:47I don't think so.
23:48Well, why not? We'll rent it out. We could make some serious money.
23:51Last thing I want to be is a landlord.
23:53Get a phone call every time a toilet overflows.
23:56That's why we hire a management company.
23:58Damn it, idiot! I said no!
24:06Why are you yelling at me?
24:10I don't know.
24:13I'm sorry. I just got a lot of money.
24:17I'm sorry.
24:31I'm sorry.
24:50Hi, Bethany. I'm here to pick up Juanita. Is she around?
24:53Boys have sperm.
24:56Excuse me?
24:57We need to talk.
25:03So apparently after we had a little chat with Juanita, she went straight to Bethany and passed on the facts
25:07of life in excruciating detail.
25:09Did you explain to Peggy why we had the little chat?
25:11She didn't want to hear it. Not with Bethany running around the house screaming intercourse at the top of her
25:16lungs.
25:17So we're out of the play date.
25:19Oh yeah. Way out.
25:22Well, I guess it's back to the old schedule of ten minutes of grop and snore at midnight.
25:27I'm not going back, Carlos. I can't. If Juanita doesn't get her play day, you're not getting yours.
25:30Fine. I will fix it. I just don't know why Peggy's making such a big deal out of this.
25:36It's back!
25:40Juanita, stop talking to your sister!
25:46Lorsen?
25:47What are you doing in the guest bedroom?
25:48I couldn't sleep. You were snoring too loudly.
25:52Me? Snoring?
25:54Like a donkey with a head cold.
25:57Honey, I don't snore.
25:58You can't always hear yourself. But I hear you. Loud and clear.
26:06Oh, for heaven's sakes, come back to bed.
26:09No.
26:11I'm good here.
26:21Hey, Mike. Dave Williams.
26:23Hate to bother you, but I got a busted pipe outside the house.
26:26Probably some kids playing a prank.
26:28No problem. I'm across town finishing up on another job, so depending on traffic, give me, say, an hour.
26:32Oh, thanks. I really appreciate it.
26:48So, when Juanita thought that I might be hurting her mother, we decided it was best that she knew the
26:52truth.
26:53It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
26:56See, honey, I knew there had to be a rational explanation.
27:00Well, I guess under the circumstances, you didn't have any other choice.
27:06Yeah. So, do you think there's any chance Juanita could rejoin your playdate?
27:11We've talked to her. She will never discuss sex ever again.
27:15Not if she wants to see her favorite dolly alive.
27:19Gabby, we don't need to let them know all of our parenting secrets.
27:22I think that'd be okay. I probably overreacted.
27:26We just want to keep Bethany's innocence as long as we can.
27:29Oh, we totally agree. Kids are forced to grow up way too fast these days.
27:33No kidding. I want my girls to believe in Santa Claus as long as possible.
27:36They're going to find out soon enough that it's all a lie.
27:39What? There's no Santa Claus?
27:51So, next play date's Monday at one?
27:54Wow, whoever did this really went to town.
27:56Yeah, I know. Damn kids.
27:59By the way, did you put any more thought into joining the band?
28:02Oh, man, I'm sorry. I've been meaning to get back to you.
28:04I appreciate the offer, but I'm really stretched down these days.
28:07Oh, come on. Every man's got time for a little music.
28:09Believe me, I'd love to play with you guys, but I live 30 minutes away.
28:13An hour in traffic.
28:14Every time I've got left, it's for my son.
28:16Yeah, I hear you.
28:17Hey, you ever looking to live in a little closer by?
28:19With the rent prices in this neighborhood?
28:21I might play guitar like a rock star, but I don't earn like one.
28:25Sorry. I wasn't thinking.
28:27That's all right. I appreciate you trying to help.
28:32Believe me, I wish I could do more.
28:40I've never seen Bree so happy.
28:42She's glowing.
28:43She won't be glowing when that agency sinks her book.
28:46Lynette.
28:47I'm telling you.
28:48The only thing staler than that ad campaign is this dinner roll.
28:50Yeah, and the water was as flat as the ad campaign.
28:53Your martini was as dry as the ad campaign.
28:54Let it go.
28:56Hi, everybody.
28:57Hi.
28:59This is Stu.
29:01Lynette Scavo.
29:02I thought that might be you.
29:04Everyone, this is my old assistant, Stu.
29:08Um, Durber.
29:09Durber.
29:10Hey.
29:11Well, this was one great guy.
29:13He would schlep all the way across town just to get me my Chinese food.
29:19So, what are you up to?
29:21Actually, Stu's company is doing all my advertising.
29:27Your company. You have a company.
29:29Three years now.
29:30How about you?
29:31Are you still at Portra & Murphy?
29:33No, I also went into business for myself.
29:36Her place makes the best pizza in town.
29:39You own a pizzeria.
29:40Well, it's really my husband's.
29:42And I'm still doing some freelance stuff.
29:44Well, that's great.
29:45You know, we're always working late.
29:47Oh.
29:47Give me a card.
29:47We'll order from you some night.
29:49Oh.
29:49You know, of course, we're across town, so it may be a bit of a schlep.
29:53It's great catching up, Lynette.
29:54Yeah.
29:54Free, let me introduce you to some people.
29:57Yeah.
29:58Great.
30:12There's my beautiful wife.
30:14What are you up to?
30:16Why?
30:16Looking for a reason to scream at me?
30:18You're right.
30:19I was awful the other day.
30:20How about I make it up to you by buying you Mrs. Hudson's house?
30:24Seriously?
30:25Well, I thought about it and I agree.
30:27It's a good investment opportunity.
30:29Yeah!
30:30Thank you!
30:35And I promise that we'll rent that place out for top dollar.
30:39Oh, I'm not worried about that.
30:41But first, I want to do someone a favor.
30:50Hi.
30:51Where are you?
30:51It's after two.
30:53I'm getting ready for my job interview.
30:55Well, that's not until four o'clock.
30:57I'm reading the company's annual reports.
30:59I want to be prepared.
31:00Why?
31:01Everybody's asking about you.
31:03I want you to be here.
31:04It's my big day.
31:07Well, enjoy it.
31:09You've earned it.
31:19Oh!
31:21You know what this tastes like?
31:22More.
31:24It would seem somebody's taking their designated driver position.
31:27Not likely.
31:28Stu.
31:30Stu.
31:31Is doing Bree's ad campaign?
31:34I rode in his hatchback once.
31:36It smelled like mushy.
31:38I got a Warner.
31:39Oh, wait.
31:40No, honey.
31:40Why don't you wait until after the ceremony?
31:42Yeah, just until you can blink both eyes at the same time.
31:45Guys, I'm just going to offer her a little advice.
31:48Yeesh.
31:50Oh!
31:53Still waiting.
31:54The great thing about the internet is that with a minimal investment,
31:56you actually can reach all your specific target audience.
32:00Coupons.
32:01Coupons.
32:02Do a cross promotion with some of the major food companies.
32:06Knock off 20% on some of the items featured in your recipes.
32:12Then they do the same towards the purchase of your cookbook.
32:17Yeah, our research shows, you know, people aren't so hard on you.
32:20Excuse me.
32:20Sweet.
32:21Excuse us, please.
32:24Lynette.
32:25You're drunk.
32:27Yeah, that's immaterial.
32:29What do you think of the coupons?
32:31Lynette, I am really not able to deal with that right now.
32:34Oh, I know.
32:35You've got your book and your big fancy award and I'm just a housewife.
32:40I never said that.
32:41You know, when I had a high powered career and you were just a housewife and never looked
32:47down on you.
32:48If you could all please take your seats, it's time to present our award.
32:55You need to leave now.
32:57Fine.
32:59Don't worry.
33:00Even though I'd like to, I'm not going to make some big ugly scene.
33:17Hi.
33:18Hey, I, um, bought MJ some stilts.
33:20Thought I'd teach him how to use them.
33:22Har har.
33:23Uh, actually he's at Juanita's watching a DVD.
33:25Do you want me to call him?
33:26No.
33:26No, it's cool.
33:27I just wanted to tell him about my new place.
33:30Oh, you're moving again?
33:32How far are you going to be away now?
33:37The Hudson house?
33:38Yeah, she sold it.
33:40And Edie told me the new owner wants to rent it.
33:41So now I'll have a fighting chance of being around when MJ hits his milestones.
33:47Is this okay with you?
33:49Yeah.
33:51It's great.
33:53We'll be like one big happy divorced family.
33:58Sure.
34:00It's a little weird.
34:02I'm, but you know, MJ will be thrilled and, yeah, I'm fine with it.
34:07Good.
34:09So, um, I'll see you around, neighbor.
34:19I still think it's strange you won't let me tell Mike that we're the new owners.
34:22The man's got a lot of pride.
34:24I want him to feel like I'm his neighbor, not his landlord.
34:27Landlord?
34:28Hell, with the rent we're charging him, you're his fairy godmother.
34:30All right.
34:31Consider it an investment in good karma.
34:33Screw karma.
34:35I finally do something nice in this neighborhood and I can't even brag about it.
34:40The man who is silent in his good deeds is the man who reaps the greatest reward.
34:52Hey.
34:53Hi.
34:55So, give me some guidance.
34:57Do I grovel?
34:59Send flowers?
35:00Or just move?
35:02I'm not angry with you.
35:04I'm just sorry that you felt so drunk?
35:07Jealous?
35:09You have nothing to be jealous of.
35:11Don't give me that.
35:13You were having the kind of success I only dreamed of back in my odd days.
35:18But that doesn't mean I looked down on you.
35:19No.
35:21But watching you, I looked down on me.
35:24When I held your book in my hands, I felt so jealous.
35:29My stomach hurt.
35:30And I thought if I could just hitch a ride, have a piece of it, I wouldn't feel so bad
35:38about your success.
35:39For God's sakes, Lynette, stop calling me a success.
35:41There's nothing successful about me.
35:47My friends think I'm going to drop them.
35:49My partner resents me.
35:51And my husband just moved into the guest bedroom.
36:00Everything I gain comes at some horrible price.
36:03And I'm starting to wonder if any of it's even worth it.
36:06It is.
36:10You're at the start of an incredible journey.
36:13And I am going to be there every step of the way, cheering you on.
36:18Telling anyone who will listen that the Bree Vandekamp is my friend.
36:24Thanks.
36:26And the rest of the stuff, you'll find a way to fix it.
36:33Just know that all your friends are very proud of you.
36:39Bitterly jealous, but proud.
36:52If you look closely into the faces of those around you, you will catch a glimpse of a certain green
36:59-eyed monster.
37:04And then you'll see they envy your career.
37:13Your love life.
37:21The time you spend with their child.
37:31How do you deal with such jealousy?
37:39There are many ways, but the best is to simply share what you have.
37:59Promise me you'll never leave our bed again.
38:01I promise, partner.