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00:01The incident, as it would come to be known, happened late on a Tuesday afternoon.
00:10Witnesses included an old woman, a blind man, and a young boy.
00:21The old woman, whose hearing was not what it used to be,
00:25saw Bree Hodge emerge from her house in a way that told her
00:29she was upset about something.
00:33The blind man, whose hearing had become more acute, heard Edie say...
00:38Well, hey, Bree. What's up?
00:40In a way that suggested Edie wasn't expecting any trouble.
00:45The young boy, who was not yet 11, heard Bree Hodge say...
00:50I saw you kissing my husband.
00:52But he couldn't understand why someone would be angry about kisses,
00:57which he thought grown-ups liked.
01:00As the old woman pretended to clip hedges she'd already clipped,
01:04she saw the body language of her neighbors change.
01:09As the blind man listened in, he heard Bree say...
01:14What were you thinking, Edie? We're supposed to be friends.
01:16We are friends. I am not interested in Orson.
01:20The young boy then heard Edie add...
01:22So stop acting like such a bitch!
01:25...which included a word he was not allowed to use.
01:29The old woman then saw Bree Hodge clench her fist.
01:34A second later, the blind man heard a slap.
01:38And the young boy saw Edie grab her cheek.
01:44As the two parted company, a thought occurred to all those who had witnessed the incident.
01:51That right there on peaceful Wisteria Lane, the battle lines had been drawn.
01:58And someone was going to get hurt.
02:06It happens the second Sunday of every May.
02:10Children purchase tasteful bouquets.
02:14Sign sentimental cards.
02:17And create homemade jewelry.
02:20All in an attempt to honor that woman known simply as Mother.
02:28Hey, Mama.
02:29Hey, baby.
02:31Oh, my gosh.
02:34Is this my daughter-in-law?
02:36Well, I'm going to hug her.
02:39It's nice to meet you.
02:41Oh, my goodness.
02:42Okay.
02:44Oh, my son was right.
02:46You are the prettiest thing.
02:49Michael, I'm just taken with her.
02:52Oh, you're welcome.
02:54Come on, Mama.
02:55Let's get you unpacked.
02:56Oh, yes, let's do.
02:57Because I brought you a present.
02:59Oh, thank you.
03:06Wow.
03:09It's all recipes.
03:11Not just any recipes.
03:12Some of these have been in my family since before the war of northern aggression.
03:18You mean the Civil War?
03:21I mean what I mean.
03:25Um, well, I guess Mike didn't tell you that I'm, uh, really not a cook.
03:31Oh, no. He told me.
03:33That's why I gave you these recipes.
03:36And I'm going to teach you how to make them, too.
03:40Isn't that nice, honey?
03:41Oh, my meemaw always told me that a lady should be a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the
03:47living room, and a whore in the bedroom.
03:50And Michael says you've only got one of those covered.
03:53So I'm going to help you with the other two.
03:58Excuse me.
04:04The one she won't be helping me with.
04:06Please tell me it's whore.
04:12I called the computer.
04:13No way, I called another boy.
04:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:15Guys, wait a minute, wait a minute.
04:17There's somebody I want you to meet.
04:19This is Dr. Dolan.
04:20Hey, guys, I'm Joshua.
04:21He's going to hang out and watch us, you know, be a family.
04:26Why?
04:27Because we've had a couple of problems lately.
04:31And my job is to find out what's causing those problems, and then I can help you be a stronger
04:36family.
04:36Can we be a stronger family while playing Age of Empires III?
04:40Yeah, sure. I want to learn how to play that game. Go get started. I'll join you in a minute.
04:48So, I like what you said about making the family stronger, but as I told you, Kayla's the one you
04:54want to focus on.
04:55Well, I prefer to look at the big picture.
04:58You see, if a family is dysfunctional, it can lead to a child with problems.
05:03Yeah, or a child with problems can lead to a dysfunctional family.
05:07I mean, Kayla's the one that got my kids to light a fire and jump off the roof.
05:11Honey, it sounds like Dr. Dolan has, um, kind of a plan here.
05:14I understand. It just seems like...
05:18At $140 an hour, we could skip straight to the part where you sit down with Kayla and tell her
05:23to stop being so evil.
05:27Mommy?
05:28Yeah?
05:28I forgot to give you something.
05:30Oh.
05:31It's a drawing I made for you in school.
05:32Oh, well, thank you. It's beautiful. Thank you.
05:44Don't. We're waiting for Ellie. She's finishing up with a customer.
05:48Well, maybe when she's done tattooing him, she can put stop hitting the blind guy on my forehead.
05:53You know, I've been hitting you a lot less lately. I don't feel like I'm getting enough credit for that.
05:58You're right. I'm a bad husband.
06:01No, seriously. We're getting along better. Have you noticed that?
06:05Yeah. I think it's because of Ellie.
06:07Me, too. It's impossible to argue with her in the house.
06:11She makes us laugh. She takes you off my hands every once in a while.
06:14Plus, she's always helping around the house. I mean, yesterday, without even being asked, she washed all the windows.
06:20She's amazing. I don't know where she gets all her energy.
06:25Okay. So we're square. Dude, you gotta call me next week. I got some great stuff coming in.
06:30All right.
06:31Ellie, it's getting cold.
06:33I'll be right down.
06:35So should I sneak out the back?
06:36Oh, no. It's my landlady. She's cool.
06:38She knows you're dealing?
06:40Well, she's not that cool.
06:44Oh, hey, guys. You were up there a while.
06:49Oh, can I see it?
06:51Um, she... she means the tattoo.
06:55I would love for you to see it, but it's kind of down south.
07:02Oh, on his... got it.
07:06Does it hurt?
07:08It's okay. Ellie gave me something for the pain.
07:17And Fairview has a top-rated school district, which, uh, you'll appreciate in a couple of years.
07:24Well, come on in. I'll show you the inside.
07:26You go ahead, honey. I'll wait until Mark wakes up from his nap.
07:29All right. We'll see you in a minute.
07:29It's okay.
07:30All right.
07:38Hi.
07:39Oh, hi.
07:40I'm Bree Hodge.
07:41Lauren Baxter.
07:42Nice to meet you.
07:43So, are you thinking of moving on to the lane?
07:45Yes.
07:47This house is exactly what we've been looking for.
07:50Do you mind if I ask, is it a safe neighborhood?
07:53Oh, yes. The neighborhood's safe. I wish I could say the same for your real estate agent.
08:00Well, what do you mean?
08:04What is this? You left it in the printer.
08:07It's a house listing.
08:08Yeah. For a house in Baltimore.
08:10Where do you see it? It's got a pool and a garden.
08:13This is about Dad, isn't it?
08:15I'm doing this to protect us.
08:17We don't need to be protected. He's changed.
08:21It's all an act, sweetheart. You don't see it now, but you will.
08:26He's only back because he wants something.
08:29I don't know what, exactly.
08:31I just know we're not safe here.
08:33Oh, sure. That's it.
08:35Dad has some evil plan.
08:36It couldn't be that he wants to be in my life.
08:39That he loves me.
08:40He isn't capable of love, Dylan.
08:43I found that out the hard way.
08:46And we need to leave
08:47before you learn the same horrible lesson.
08:57Move if you want.
08:59I'm staying here with my father.
09:04But what happened?
09:06Things were going fine.
09:07I'm sorry. We need another realtor.
09:23All right.
09:25Biscuits are the foundation of any southern meal.
09:28Like my Meemaw used to say,
09:30ain't nothing you can make don't taste better on a biscuit.
09:33A font of wisdom, you're Meemaw.
09:38Well, I really appreciate this.
09:40Thanks, Adele.
09:41Adele, if you don't call me Mama, I'm gonna scream.
09:44Don't do that.
09:46Mama.
09:48Let's get started.
09:49We're gonna need a flour sifter.
09:51I don't have one.
09:53Pastry cutter?
09:55Sorry.
09:56Dough hooks?
09:57Don't even know what they are.
09:59That's fine.
10:00We can improvise.
10:02Why don't you start by measuring out our dry ingredients?
10:08The flour and such.
10:11Michael is gonna be so happy.
10:14After a long day of work,
10:15he can come home to a nice home-cooked southern meal.
10:20Although he also enjoys coming home to sesame chicken from Red Panda.
10:24And they deliver.
10:28You know, it's a shame that Michael has to work so hard.
10:31But I guess with all the money troubles you two have been having...
10:35He told you that?
10:37Well, we're getting past it.
10:40Only because my son is working himself to the bone.
10:43You know, it wouldn't hurt for you to get a job.
10:45I have a job.
10:47Oh, you mean your little drawings?
10:51Well, it's great for a woman to have a hobby.
10:53Personally, I day-coupage.
10:54But I'm talking about something that pays.
10:57Children's books pay.
10:58Really?
10:59How much?
11:02You know, I think actually I might have those dough hooks somewhere.
11:07Oh dear, I've insulted you.
11:09I'm just trying to be helpful.
11:12No, no, it's fine, Adele.
11:14Mama.
11:21So we were sort of surprised to get your call.
11:23Don't you need to see Kayla a few more times before you report back to us?
11:27Well, before continuing with her, I thought it might be helpful to ask you a few questions.
11:32Oh, go ahead. Shoot.
11:36Do you love Kayla?
11:39Lynette?
11:40Hmm?
11:41I was talking to you.
11:42Oh.
11:44Well, sure.
11:47I've been very good to her.
11:49That wasn't his question.
11:52Do you have a diploma on your wall, Tom?
11:53I don't think so.
11:54Zip it.
11:58Again, um...
12:00Do you love her?
12:04Of course I do.
12:06As much as I can, given the way she joined our family.
12:09It's just, it's complicated.
12:11I understand.
12:13The problem is, Kayla has picked up on your ambivalence.
12:17And she's become a very angry girl.
12:22So what do we do?
12:23Oh, God.
12:25Is this gonna be one of those therapy things where she hits me with a foam bat?
12:29There's a bond that develops between an infant and her mother.
12:33You and Kayla never formed that bond.
12:36So what we need to do is recreate it.
12:38It's called attachment parenting.
12:41And it starts with Kayla being by your side as often as possible.
12:46That sounds like exactly what they need.
12:50I mean, I don't have a diploma or anything, but...
12:53I'd really like to give this a try.
12:55Whatever keeps you and Kayla close and interacting.
12:58Go to the movies, go shopping, maybe take a little trip together.
13:01Just the two of you.
13:03Could we revisit the foam bat idea for just a second?
13:06The plan sounds great, Doc.
13:09And don't worry, I will make sure that they are together constantly.
13:14Ask me if I love Tom right now.
13:17Go ahead. I dare ya.
13:26May I help you?
13:27I haven't seen Benjamin in a week.
13:29I was thinking I'd take him for a few hours.
13:31It's not really a good time.
13:33Well, Bree, whenever I call, it's not a good time.
13:35So if you don't mind, I'd like to take my son to the carnival.
13:38Well, that sounds boring.
13:40I know.
13:41Why don't you take him to Edie's house and he can watch you give her a dental exam with your
13:44tongue?
13:48Bree, you don't understand.
13:50What you saw was bad judgment on Edie's part and good judgment on my part.
13:54I pushed her away.
13:55Yes, eventually.
13:57With a big dopey grin on your face.
13:59Can we please put this behind us?
14:00I would like to take Benjamin.
14:02I don't think so.
14:03I'd hate for him to be around when you had another attack of delayed morality.
14:06Either with Edie or behind the wheel of your car.
14:10I am not having this argument.
14:13He is my son, too.
14:15Not exactly.
14:18What?
14:21Don't even...
14:22Strictly speaking, you're not even related to him.
14:24I mean, it was fine for you to masquerade as his father when we were together, but now that we're
14:28not...
14:28This is wrong.
14:30I will hire a lawyer.
14:32I've already hired one.
14:34You'll be hearing from him shortly.
14:39Oh, and if you're in the mood for a carnival, why not call Edie?
14:44I hear you get three throws for a dollar with her, too.
14:51Bye, Gabby.
14:52You guys going for another walk?
14:54Yeah, we found this sweet hiking trail that goes right through the middle of the woods.
14:57Yeah, and unlike some people, Ellie doesn't let the branches hit me in my face.
15:01You're spoiling him.
15:08The hell?
15:18Ellie, your door's locked!
15:21Ellie!
15:31Ellie, your door's locked!
15:32You wereést!
15:35Ellie!
15:39Oh, shut up already!
16:02Mom, guess what?
16:03Dad's coming to my senior recital next week.
16:05I could swing by and pick you up, if you want.
16:07We could make it a real family outing.
16:10Dylan, your father and I need to talk.
16:12In private.
16:14I'm not done saying goodbye.
16:16Yes, you are.
16:18Please get rid of that gum.
16:20I can hear you smacking all the way in the house.
16:25Bye, sweetie.
16:26Bye, then.
16:34Just so we're clear,
16:36there will be no family outings.
16:39Now, Kathy, you shouldn't be rude to a man
16:41who still has feelings for you.
16:43Meaning what?
16:44You still love me?
16:45I do.
16:47And I know I'm somewhat to blame for what's happened between us.
16:50That's why I've forgiven you for kidnapping our daughter.
16:52The least you can do
16:53is meet me halfway.
16:58Oh, Wayne.
16:59I don't deserve your forgiveness.
17:01Maybe not, but I'm going to give it to you anyway,
17:03because I still think we could be happy together.
17:09Could we?
17:12Given all the things I did that you don't know about?
17:17What's that?
17:18I'm talking about all those men I was with while we were married.
17:23How can you forgive something like that?
17:27That's a lie.
17:29You wouldn't have dared.
17:31Unhappy women do dangerous things.
17:34I think the worst
17:36was when I tricked you
17:37into thinking Dylan was yours.
17:43I wanted to tell you the truth,
17:45but I was scared.
17:47For obvious reasons.
17:49I don't believe you.
17:52But I'm not worried anymore.
17:56Because you've changed.
17:59So what are you waiting for, Wayne?
18:02Forgive me.
18:06Hey there, Mrs. McCluskey.
18:14If she's not mine,
18:16then who's is she?
18:18Doesn't matter.
18:22Oh.
18:24I guess I won't be seeing you
18:25at the recital now.
18:28What a shame.
18:48Are you sure it was cocaine?
18:50Carlos, I was a fashion model in the 90s.
18:52I know cocaine.
18:55Dammit.
18:57What are you doing?
18:58I'm calling the police.
19:00Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
19:01Shouldn't we hear Ellie's side of the story first?
19:03Here's Ellie's side.
19:05Selling drugs brings in more money
19:07than waiting tables.
19:07There you go.
19:09Were you moved?
19:11Okay, look, maybe I was wrong.
19:13Maybe it was flour.
19:14Maybe she's a pastry chef.
19:16Yeah, and she came up with that tattoo cover story
19:19to hide her illicit baking.
19:21All right, look, I know we have to do something,
19:23but this woman's our friend.
19:25Yes, and I'm a convicted felon still on probation.
19:29Now, if the police find out we're harboring a drug dealer,
19:31they're going to fry me.
19:32We have to turn her in.
19:40Well, the priority for me
19:41is working out custody of Benjamin.
19:43To that end, I've written down
19:45all the pertinent facts about the situation.
19:47No, I don't want to do this over the phone.
19:50Uh, listen, I'm going to hop in the shower.
19:52How about we meet in your office in about an hour?
19:53Great, thanks.
20:02Orson?
20:06Orson?
20:07The, uh, the door's open.
20:09Edie, what are you doing here?
20:11Get out here, you wuss.
20:13That puritanical robot bitch of yours
20:15is sabotaging my business.
20:18Okay, hang on a second.
20:20I'll be right out.
20:40You know, uh, Orson,
20:43forget it.
20:44Just, just take a nice long shower.
20:46Really?
20:47You sure?
20:49Yeah.
20:50Uh, now that I think about it,
20:52I can handle Bree all by myself.
21:02And so that's when I saw
21:03all those bricks of cocaine under her bed.
21:07I mean, I, I mean, I think it was cocaine
21:09and I think they're called bricks.
21:11I'm just a simple housewife.
21:12I don't know what I'm saying.
21:15Well, you've done the right thing.
21:17And it's thanks to the cooperation
21:18of citizens like you.
21:19Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:20When are you going to get her out of our house?
21:23Well, it's a little more complicated than that.
21:27Meaning?
21:29Bullock!
21:35Oh, my God!
21:36What?
21:37What?
21:37I can't see anything.
21:39It's one of Ellie's customers.
21:41Actually, I'm Detective Bullock.
21:43We've been tracking Miss Leonard
21:44for several months now.
21:46Okay, so if you know what she's doing,
21:48then why don't you just bust her?
21:49She's small time.
21:51We're trying to get to her supplier,
21:52so we need her to keep dealing.
21:54Wait.
21:56So you're just going to leave
21:57a drug dealer in our house?
21:59Yes.
22:00For now, we just need you to act normal.
22:02Pretend like you don't know anything.
22:04We'll move in when the case is made.
22:06Okay, look, I'm offered her my civic duty,
22:09but this woman, she's sort of a friend.
22:14And now you're asking us to trick her?
22:16I'm not sure we're comfortable with this.
22:20Mr. Solis, you're on probation, right?
22:23How'd you like not to be?
22:35What on earth could you possibly want?
22:38Oh, I wanted to thank you.
22:40After you scared off that couple
22:41that were going to buy the young house,
22:43I, uh, found another buyer.
22:45And they're willing to go 10% over asking.
22:48Well, good.
22:49When they drop by for their inspection,
22:51I'll just have to have a nice little chat with them, too.
22:54You wouldn't want to do that to me.
22:56And after all, we're a family.
23:00Family?
23:01Well, yes, since my nephew Austin
23:03is Benjamin's biological father,
23:05that makes me Benji's great aunt.
23:09A term I don't exactly love,
23:11but it's better than grandma,
23:13which is what you are.
23:17How did you?
23:18Cute story.
23:19I went over to Orson's
23:21to ask him to get you off my back,
23:23and the poor sap.
23:25He'd written the whole sordid tale down
23:27and left it right there on the table.
23:29Edie,
23:31if word got out,
23:32my whole family would be humiliated.
23:35Oh, I don't want word to get out.
23:36That would ruin everything.
23:38Because right now, I...
23:40Well, I own you.
23:43What does that mean?
23:44Glad you asked.
23:47From this moment on,
23:49I am your best friend.
23:50You're going to invite me
23:51to all of your fancy parties,
23:53set me up with all your single friends,
23:54and...
23:55Well, if I'm ever in the mood for muffins,
23:58you're going to bake them for me.
24:00Edie,
24:01please.
24:02And if you don't,
24:04if for one second
24:05I don't feel the love,
24:07I'm going to bury you.
24:10You understand?
24:13Yeah.
24:14Good.
24:16Oh, by the way,
24:17um,
24:18I'm having an open house tomorrow.
24:20A plate of banana nut muffins
24:22sure would set the mood,
24:24don't you think?
24:29I think we need to...
24:32Hey, honey,
24:33did you get that?
24:35H2.
24:36I need to get one out.
24:38Hey, Brie.
24:39Perfect timing.
24:40We were just getting ready
24:41to deal the cards.
24:43Brie, are you okay?
24:49There's something I've been
24:51keeping from all of you,
24:53and, um,
24:57we need to talk.
25:04Hey, Wayne.
25:05I finished that DNA
25:07you wanted.
25:07I'm probably going to get
25:08in trouble because I put it
25:09in front of Martin's
25:10triple homicide.
25:11You bet, girl.
25:12Well, I owe you.
25:13I just needed to confirm
25:14that the Vic and my suspect
25:16are related.
25:17Oh, well,
25:18actually,
25:18they're not.
25:19I ran the samples
25:20from the cheek swab
25:21and the wad of gum
25:22you gave me,
25:22and your suspect's not
25:23related to the victim
25:24at all.
25:26Are you sure?
25:27Mm-hmm.
25:28Oh, yeah,
25:28it's 100% exclusion.
25:30Are you hungry?
25:32Because I've worked
25:32all through lunch,
25:33and I thought that you
25:34and I could go get...
25:38Wayne?
25:42Oh, my God.
25:45And Edie threatened
25:46to use that to...
25:48Yes.
25:49Okay, first of all,
25:50you're like the greatest
25:51mom ever to want
25:53to protect Dania like that.
25:55I can't believe
25:56she was blackmailing you.
25:58I can't believe
25:59she made a play for Orson.
26:01I can.
26:02She went after Carlos
26:03and Mike and Carl.
26:04The only person
26:05she hasn't gone after
26:06is Tom.
26:07Yet.
26:08This woman
26:09is out of control.
26:12What are you going to do?
26:15No.
26:17What are we going to do?
26:45Hey, guys.
26:46What's going on?
26:48I told them everything,
26:49Edie.
26:50About Orson,
26:52Benjamin,
26:52everything.
26:53You did?
26:54She did.
26:55So you can kiss
26:56that little blackmail scheme.
26:57Goodbye.
26:58Well, I was only doing it
27:00because...
27:00You were only doing it
27:01because you're the devil.
27:03Okay, fine.
27:04Chew me out
27:05and let's get on with it.
27:06It's not like
27:07all the other times, Edie.
27:08We're done.
27:11Done?
27:12We're not inviting you
27:13to poker.
27:13We're not talking to you.
27:14We're not even going to wave
27:15when you jog by.
27:16From now on,
27:17you are invisible.
27:19And we're going to make sure
27:20every woman in a five-mile radius
27:21knows the kind of crap
27:22you pulled.
27:23We tried to be your friends,
27:24but you don't even understand
27:25what that word means.
27:27So now we're going to be
27:28something you do understand.
27:32Guys, wait.
27:33Wait.
27:34I know I crossed a line
27:35this time and...
27:36I'm...
27:37I'm sorry.
27:39Did you hear something?
27:41Neither did I.
27:52Over here, honey.
27:53Look at the camera.
27:54Look at the camera.
27:56Ready to ride, Dylan?
27:57Now, look, if you're scared,
27:59you don't have to.
27:59I want to.
28:00Oh, you're a brave girl.
28:02Hold up your arm
28:03for the camera, sweetheart.
28:04How many stitches is that?
28:06Eleven.
28:07You didn't cry once, did you?
28:09Can I ride now, please, Daddy?
28:12Of course, please.
28:12I love you, Daddy.
28:23Dylan.
28:24It's me.
28:26You need to come over here tomorrow.
28:29Yeah.
28:30I know it's Mother's Day,
28:31but it's okay.
28:32I got some things
28:33to tell you
28:34about your mother.
28:40Ooh, I want this one.
28:43Oh.
28:45Yow.
28:45It's a little pricey.
28:47But I want it.
28:48You're the one
28:49who asked me to go shopping.
28:50Well, I know,
28:51but we're supposed
28:51to be spending time together,
28:53not going into debt.
28:58Oh, how about this one?
29:01What do you mean,
29:02supposed to?
29:04I just,
29:05it's good for us to hang out.
29:07I enjoy it.
29:08Is this something
29:09that the doctor made you do?
29:10No.
29:11All my idea.
29:12I just wanted to treat you
29:13to a real fun day.
29:17All right.
29:18You want me to have fun?
29:19Buy me this.
29:25Okay.
29:27Good times.
29:30I'd like an old-fashioned,
29:32please.
29:35What's the matter,
29:36Michael?
29:36You tuckered out?
29:37Oh, yeah,
29:38I just didn't get much sleep.
29:39Honestly,
29:39I wonder how you ever
29:40get any.
29:41Well, considering you got
29:42Susan in the bed
29:43sawing wood all night.
29:47I'm doing what now?
29:49Well, snoring.
29:51What'd you say?
29:52It sounded like Michael,
29:53a bunch of bulldogs
29:54in a bag?
29:56But it is a sound
29:57that I've come to love.
29:59You know what
30:00my Meemaw did
30:01to Grandpa Boo?
30:02She sewed a marble
30:03in the back
30:04of his pajama top,
30:05and if he rolled
30:06on his back
30:06to start snoring,
30:07it'd wake him right up.
30:09But I guess
30:09you can't do that.
30:11Seeing as hell,
30:12you sleep in the nude
30:13and all.
30:15Well, that's gonna
30:16change real soon.
30:19I'm gonna fix my face
30:20before I order.
30:21Excuse me.
30:25Now, this is nice.
30:27Nice?
30:28She's driving me crazy.
30:29You have got to stop
30:30complaining about me
30:31to her.
30:31I don't complain.
30:34Well, you could see
30:35how I, as the nude,
30:37snoring whore,
30:38would think so.
30:39Okay, now,
30:40I might vent a little bit,
30:41but she's just
30:41trying to help.
30:42Well, the next time
30:43she tries to help,
30:44she's gonna get
30:44an old-fashioned
30:45in her face,
30:45so you better step up
30:47and start defending me.
30:48Okay.
30:49Okay.
30:51Well,
30:52lovely powder room.
30:54It's amazing
30:54such a busy restaurant
30:56can keep their bathroom
30:57cleaner than yours.
31:01Now,
31:02Mama,
31:03that's,
31:03that's not very nice.
31:05Well, you're the one
31:05who told me
31:06you didn't marry her
31:07for her housekeeping.
31:09You just need someone
31:10to teach these things.
31:11You know what?
31:13Why don't I stay
31:14a few extra weeks
31:16and you and I
31:16can spruce the house up?
31:18And don't worry,
31:19I'll leave when the baby comes.
31:21At my age,
31:21all that crying
31:22just cuts my nerves
31:23to shreds.
31:24Now,
31:25the first thing
31:26we're gonna do
31:27is wash your walls.
31:30Just cause we don't
31:32walk them
31:33doesn't mean
31:33they don't get dirty.
31:35and the last thing
31:37swears
31:38in my way.
31:39I'm out of here.
31:40I'm out of here.
31:43We are the ones
31:45in our step.
31:47Yes.
31:49How are you doing?
31:50I just want you
31:51to use the rain.
31:51Oh, my God.
31:53My water broke.
31:54What?
31:54My water just broke.
31:56I'm in labor.
31:57We have to go.
31:58You're not due for a month.
32:00I don't know
32:00what to tell you, Mom.
32:02Look at me.
32:04Ah!
32:05Come on,
32:05we have to get you
32:06to the hospital.
32:06Oh, yes, let's go.
32:08No, no, no.
32:08You should take a cab home
32:10and start packing.
32:11This one feels like a crier.
32:14Are you sure I should?
32:15Ah!
32:15Ah!
32:17Ah!
32:18Ah!
32:19Ah!
32:21Ah!
32:24You're doing great, honey.
32:25Just keep breathing.
32:26How close are the contractions?
32:28A few weeks apart.
32:30You want to go to the movies?
32:31What?
32:32I'm not in labor, okay?
32:34But your water broke.
32:36I saw it.
32:36That was club soda.
32:37Amniotic fluid doesn't have
32:38ice cubes and a lemon wedge.
32:40What?
32:40You faked that?
32:41I'm sorry.
32:42I panicked.
32:43Your mother just invited herself
32:44to stay with us for three weeks
32:45and you said nothing.
32:47I had to come up with a plan.
32:48Well, what happens
32:49when we go home with no baby?
32:50I didn't say it was a good plan.
32:51Do you see the effect
32:52she has on me?
32:54I just thank God
32:54I wasn't drinking coffee.
32:56I could have hurt myself.
32:58Okay.
33:00I get it.
33:01I'll talk to her.
33:05Do you want to go back
33:06in there right now
33:06and tell her?
33:08No.
33:09The restaurant just
33:10comped our drinks.
33:10Tell her at home.
33:15Well,
33:16you've done enough damage
33:17for one day.
33:18Let's go home.
33:19I want a corndog first.
33:21Oh, honey,
33:21we're about to have dinner.
33:22But I'm hungry now.
33:24I want a corndog.
33:25All right.
33:27If you're hungry,
33:28I'll get you something healthy
33:30and you can have it in the car.
33:32Corn.
33:33Dog.
33:34Why can't I have one?
33:36Well, at this point,
33:38because of the way you're acting.
33:40Please don't do this, Kayla.
33:42We've been having such a nice time.
33:44And we can keep having a nice time.
33:46Just give me what I want
33:47or you're not going to like what happens.
33:51Are you threatening me?
33:54I'm just saying.
33:55I got that idiot Preston
33:57to jump off the roof.
33:58I wonder what I could get Penny to do.
34:04I'm sorry.
34:06I'm sorry.
34:07I shouldn't have done that,
34:08but that was...
34:11That was horrible,
34:13what you said.
34:14And you should never say that again.
34:19Okay.
34:19Okay, so...
34:20Come on, let's go.
34:22Come on.
34:28Susan, you're up.
34:30Michael told me about your false labor.
34:32That was unusual.
34:34Well, it happens.
34:36I know, but usually your water doesn't break.
34:38Oh, that.
34:40Turns out I spilled some club soda.
34:43Well, no surprise there.
34:46Michael told me what a klutzy Kathy you are.
34:51I'm glad he finds that cute.
34:53I myself don't have the patience.
35:01Hey, Mama.
35:02Hello, Michael.
35:04Do you have a Mother's Day present for me?
35:07He sure does.
35:08But I want mine first.
35:11Mama, we need to talk.
35:13About what?
35:14About the way you talk to people.
35:17I mean, sometimes you can be a little too honest.
35:22Mmm.
35:26Sorry.
35:27Go on.
35:29It's just you don't realize how things sound
35:32when they're coming out of your mouth.
35:33I know you mean well.
35:35Oh.
35:36I'm getting to it.
35:38No, no, no.
35:39I love where this is going.
35:41It's just that, Mama, sometimes when you're talking to Susan...
35:44Susan, you look a little pale.
35:46Are you okay?
35:47Oh, she's fine.
35:48And I wish she'd cut it out.
35:50No, I'm not trying to...
35:51Ow!
35:52Susan?
35:54Are you going into labor?
35:55For real?
35:56Maybe.
35:57Who cares?
35:57Let her have it.
35:59Okay, okay.
36:00Mama, you've got to stop taking pot shots at Susan.
36:02She's my wife, and I love her, and I can't have you upsetting her.
36:06Sweetheart, I am deeply sorry and mortified.
36:10If I've caused you any distress, I never meant to hurt your feelings.
36:15Apology accepted.
36:16Let's go.
36:23Happy Mother's Day!
36:26Oh.
36:27Oh, my gosh.
36:29That is so sweet.
36:32Thank you so much.
36:34We're going to go get your present.
36:35Yeah.
36:36Okay.
36:38I hope you like turtles.
36:42So...
36:44You know Kayla?
36:46Well, she's still pretty upset.
36:48Again, I know I crossed the line, and I'm so sorry.
36:52You know what?
36:52Let's not get into this.
36:53I'm just going to get angry all over again.
36:55Tom, if you had been there and heard what she said...
36:59It doesn't matter.
37:00You hit her.
37:04She's just a little girl.
37:06And now, thanks to you, she's a frightened little girl.
37:10Sorry to bother you, Dr. Dolan, but you said I could call any time.
37:16My mom.
37:18She hit me.
37:21No, it's not the first time.
37:23I was afraid to tell you, because I knew what she would do if she found out.
37:27Please help me.
37:29I don't feel safe here.
37:32I have to go.
37:33She's coming.
37:49Sorry about the mess.
37:50Maid took the week off.
37:53You said you wanted to talk to me?
37:56Tell me things about mom?
37:58You know what, kiddo?
37:59I had kind of a bad day yesterday.
38:01Sat around here drinking, feeling sorry for myself, and then I called you.
38:09That's okay.
38:10If you're feeling sad or whatever, you should always call me.
38:14None of this is your fault.
38:16I hope you know that.
38:17None of what?
38:18I tried so hard to let the past just be the past.
38:22I didn't want to bring up who did what the who or why.
38:26What did mom say to you?
38:28And it turns out I've been kidding myself all this time.
38:31This family that I've been fighting for, it just doesn't even...
38:37exist.
38:38We don't need her.
38:40I'm fine with just you and me.
38:42I'm happy now.
38:47Ow!
38:48Dad, you're hurting me.
38:52Dad, what's the matter?
38:57You have to go.
39:00What's wrong?
39:01Did I do something?
39:02Get out of here!
39:04Now!
39:21Ellie, brunch is almost ready!
39:25This is going to be so hard.
39:27You can't think of her as your friend.
39:29Think of her as a drug dealer who could have gotten us into a lot of trouble.
39:32I'll try.
39:38Oh, shoot.
39:39I wanted to surprise you.
39:41What's this?
39:42Well, you know, it's Mother's Day, and I have kind of a crappy relationship with my mom,
39:48so this is my way of saying thanks for being nicer to me than she ever was.
39:56Oh.
39:59Oh, honey.
40:03I'm glad I didn't get you the chocolates.
40:08No, Travers.
40:09No, I decided spending Mother's Day with you was more important than spending time.
40:18I love you too, sweetheart.
40:21Actually, I think Mommy's going to be spending a lot more time with you from now on.
40:25But we'll talk about that when I get there, okay?
40:28I love you, baby.
40:29I'll see you soon.
40:30I love you.
40:39It happens the second Sunday of every May.
40:43We celebrate the women who give us life and so much more.
40:52The ones who protect us at all costs.
40:58Who have the courage to fight those who would do us harm.
41:05Who put our happiness ahead of their own.
41:11But mostly, we celebrate a mother's love, which is constant, eternal, and there from the very beginning.
41:24Who put your money inside and away.
41:26Who put our happiness aside.
41:27Who put our happiness in the right?
41:27Who vai to be.
41:27Who put our happiness in the right?