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deaddogsdam
  • 2 days ago
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00:00:05Well, bye-bye, lad, and thanks for an absolutely smashing weekend.
00:00:08Wonderful company, lovely food, and your wife makes love magnificently.
00:00:18Excuse me, sir, but did I hear you correctly?
00:00:21What's that, old chap?
00:00:23You've been a guest in that gentleman's house for the weekend,
00:00:25and you tell him to his face that his wife makes love magnificently.
00:00:30Yes, that's right.
00:00:32Do you think that's quite correct?
00:00:35Well, no. Not exactly, no.
00:00:38But he's such a nice chap, I wouldn't like to say anything to offend him.
00:00:43I see. That was rather thoughtful of you.
00:01:15Fair?
00:01:16Oh, very fair, I'd say.
00:01:21Come on, come on. I ain't got all day.
00:01:23Oh, um, Guildhall, please.
00:01:29Fair's, please. Any more fair's, please?
00:01:34Fair's, please.
00:01:40Going all the way?
00:01:47Why don't you go down front, sir, you'll see better.
00:01:49Why don't you go down front, sir? You'll see better.
00:01:50For now, let's go.
00:01:56We'll see better.
00:02:07Go!
00:02:08Go!
00:02:09Go!
00:02:10Go!
00:02:10Go!
00:02:10Go!
00:02:11Go!
00:02:12Go!
00:02:13Go!
00:02:15Go!
00:02:16Go!
00:02:16Go!
00:02:36Don't lie to me, Sir Diblis. You were with that woman as me crowfoot all evening.
00:02:40I keep telling you, I only popped in for a bit. Half an hour, that's all. That's not long.
00:02:44That's long enough for you. What have you been doing all these years, holding a stopwatch?
00:02:48Well, what were you doing going to a flat anyway? She's one of our clients, isn't she? I have to
00:02:52vet them, don't I?
00:02:53Vet? Is that the new word for it? I can't fix them up with the right partners until I find
00:02:58out what they do and how they live.
00:03:00Like the young widow at the tobacconist. You must have vetted her at least 50 times.
00:03:05Oh, God, I only keep going in there for me shag.
00:03:08Look, it's my job to find out what the female clients do. You should look after the men.
00:03:14Don't be stupid. I know what they do.
00:03:16Oh, don't try to joke your way out of it. What would you say if I started vetting all the
00:03:21male clients?
00:03:21I'd say, God help them.
00:03:23You rotten beast.
00:03:26I've got to get out.
00:03:30I've got enough of you.
00:03:35Come in.
00:03:48Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:03:50Oh, that's all right, sir. We're not ashamed of being in love, are we, sweetheart?
00:03:53No, dear.
00:03:54And what can we do for you, sir?
00:03:56Well, it's about your advert. I was looking for a wife.
00:03:59And you couldn't have come to a better place, could you, my little baby?
00:04:03No, indeed. Well, it looks as if I shall have to leave you for a little while, darling.
00:04:09That's it.
00:04:09Business before pleasure, my little dove. You'll excuse us, won't you?
00:04:12Is it still, sugar puff?
00:04:13I'll be counting the moments till I can get at you again.
00:04:23It's amazing, isn't it? Ten years we've been married. You'd never believe it, would you?
00:04:26Oh, wonderful. I wouldn't mind a wife like that.
00:04:29Like that?
00:04:29No, we'll find you something better than... We'll find you something more suited to you.
00:04:34Won't you sit down, Mr...
00:04:36Oh, Muffet. Bertram Muffet.
00:04:39Muffet. Well, we'll have to find you a crumpet to go with that, won't we?
00:04:42Ha, ha, ha. I beg your pardon?
00:04:44Never mind. No, then, Mr... Muffin.
00:04:46Uh, Muffet.
00:04:47Muffet, yes. Our charges, and very reasonable layout, too, are, uh, two guineas registration,
00:04:52two guineas for the introduction, and two guineas when you click.
00:04:54Click?
00:04:55Get married. And if you click without getting married, it's four guineas, all right?
00:04:59Oh, yes, that's fine.
00:05:03Bertram Muffin.
00:05:04Muffet.
00:05:05That's it, yes.
00:05:06But we'll just get a few details. Age?
00:05:08Oh, uh, 17, I think.
00:05:1117.
00:05:12Well, I thought the younger she was, the longer she'd last.
00:05:15No, no, no. I want your details, your age.
00:05:18Oh, 27.
00:05:1927.
00:05:20Now, what are you interested in?
00:05:22Same as most chaps like to do, I suppose.
00:05:24And that is?
00:05:25Well, I don't know. I've never done it yet.
00:05:27It's a drive. It's lovely.
00:05:29Now, you see, what I'm trying to do is to find out what you like to do
00:05:32so that I can fix you up with a girl who likes it, too.
00:05:34Oh, yes, I would like a girl who likes it, too.
00:05:37Yes, it is handy. Hobbies?
00:05:39Oh, well, my main one is making model aeroplanes.
00:05:43Model aeroplanes?
00:05:44Yes, out of milk bottle tops.
00:05:45Milk bottle tops?
00:05:46Yes, they're not flying models, of course.
00:05:48No? You surprise me.
00:05:50Any other hobbies?
00:05:51I rather like collecting book matches.
00:05:53You know, all the different packets.
00:05:54Well, I don't think we'll have much trouble finding you,
00:05:57a girl that likes making model aeroplanes out of milk bottle tops
00:05:59and collecting the odd packet.
00:06:01Oh, good.
00:06:03Right, well, that's the lot.
00:06:05Oh, wonderful.
00:06:06What happens now?
00:06:08Come with me.
00:06:27Now then, all we do is feed the information into the computer, clear?
00:06:32And after a few minutes, the lady suitable to you will come out there.
00:06:39What's with that little slot?
00:06:41She must be very small.
00:06:42No, no, no.
00:06:44Just the ladies particulars, not the lady herself.
00:06:48This is a fantastic piece of machinery, you know that?
00:06:51Got the bomb.
00:06:52This is a miracle of modern technology.
00:06:53Here we go.
00:07:07Bottle tops and book matches.
00:07:10What a catch.
00:07:16Oh, yes, I think this is the ideal one, Mr. Bliss.
00:07:23Here we are then.
00:07:25Oh, gosh, that was quick.
00:07:26Yes, that's the beauty of it, you see, Mr. Muffin.
00:07:28Muffet?
00:07:28Yeah, well, I mean, a fellow can spend his lifetime
00:07:30trying to find the right girl.
00:07:31This machine does it in a couple of minutes.
00:07:33Shall we see who the lucky lady is then?
00:07:39There's been a slight technical error here.
00:07:41This one is definitely out of circulation.
00:07:48What's the idea?
00:07:49Why her?
00:07:50Why not?
00:07:51She's one of our clients.
00:07:52I know that, but she's no good.
00:07:54You seem to find her very satisfactory.
00:07:56All right, all right.
00:07:56You've had your little joke.
00:07:57Let's have another one.
00:07:58You seem to forget, Sidney, dear.
00:08:01I didn't choose her.
00:08:02It was chosen by that miracle of modern technology.
00:08:05Or perhaps you'd like me to explain to our clients how it works.
00:08:09No, no, no.
00:08:11We don't need you, darling.
00:08:14Oh, and I want to see that the gentleman's fixed up properly, dear.
00:08:17It's a pity about that, Mr. Muffin, a great pity.
00:08:20Oh, has your computer gone wrong?
00:08:21No, it's been too accurate.
00:08:22This lady's obby is not compatible with yours.
00:08:25Oh, but how?
00:08:26Well, she likes to make Christmas decorations out of the bottle tops.
00:08:31Now, do you realise what that could lead to?
00:08:32Fights every morning about who's going to have the top?
00:08:34Oh, I'm sure we wouldn't.
00:08:35I'm telling you, it would bring your aircraft production to a standstill.
00:08:38Oh, nonsense, sweetheart.
00:08:40I think it's a lovely idea.
00:08:42Can't you just imagine these two young people sitting in front of a fire every evening,
00:08:46doing things with their tops?
00:08:49Well, I'm quite ready to have a go at it if she is, Mr. Bliss.
00:08:52She's really all right, mate.
00:08:53To have a go, I mean.
00:08:54Don't be a spoilsport, Sidney.
00:08:56Her numbers and the card.
00:08:59I'll do it, darling.
00:09:06That's it.
00:09:07Hold it.
00:09:09Oh, excuse me, one moment, will you?
00:09:15Esma Crowford speaking.
00:09:16Can I help you?
00:09:17Oh, this is Mr. Bliss of the Wedded Bliss Agency.
00:09:21You've got a nerve calling me out of the way you behaved last night, I must say.
00:09:26Yes, and I'm very sorry if I bothered you, Miss Crowford.
00:09:28The fact is that we have a young gentleman here who's very anxious to meet you.
00:09:31Well, if he's anything like you, I don't think I care to meet him, thank you.
00:09:35She's all excited about it.
00:09:38I don't know what you think I am or expect me to do, but it'll take more than a dozen
00:09:42tired daffodils to do it, I can assure you.
00:09:47Well, it's very nice of you to say so, Miss Crowford.
00:09:49We do our best to give satisfaction.
00:09:50How about this evening?
00:09:53Yes, that's fine with Mr. Muffin.
00:09:55Muffin.
00:09:56How about the Parkway Cocktail Bar, 7.30 this evening?
00:09:59Lovely.
00:10:00Fine.
00:10:00Yes, not at all.
00:10:01It's a pleasure.
00:10:02You're very welcome.
00:10:04Well, that's that then.
00:10:06Two guineas registration fee, two guineas for the introduction.
00:10:08That's four guineas altogether.
00:10:10I'll give you one of our introductory cards so that she knows you come from us.
00:10:14Oh, yes, thank you.
00:10:15And you might like to have our little booklet, giving a few tips on courtship, a sort of do-it
00:10:19-yourselves.
00:10:21I beg your pardon?
00:10:22Never mind.
00:10:22There we are.
00:10:24Hello.
00:10:26Oh, yes, thank you very much.
00:10:27That's very nice of you.
00:10:28The Wit to Woo by Sidney Bliss.
00:10:30Interesting.
00:10:31Yes, well, that's all then.
00:10:33A very, very best of luck to you, Mr. Muffin.
00:10:35Uh, Muffin.
00:10:36Um.
00:10:37Was there something else?
00:10:38Well, just my change.
00:10:40I gave you a five-pound note.
00:10:41That's right.
00:10:41There's two guineas registration, two guineas for the introduction, and 16 bob for the booklet.
00:10:46Oh.
00:10:47Oh, yes.
00:10:48Yes.
00:10:49Oh, thank you.
00:10:50Yes, that's all.
00:10:50There we are.
00:10:51Don't forget.
00:10:52Parkway Cocktail Bar, 7.30.
00:10:53Tadda.
00:10:58Toby.
00:10:59Now, come on, Toby.
00:11:13Oh, Henry, you heard Mr. Snooper's advice.
00:11:16Do you think we should try it?
00:11:18If you want to, Emily, but personally, I don't think a pair of steps is going to be the answer.
00:11:24If I'm to help you sort out your problems, I must insist on absolute candour.
00:11:30Do not be afraid to use natural words for natural functions.
00:11:36You won't easily shock me, I can promise you.
00:11:39So let's have all the dirty linen out and give it a jolly good washing, eh?
00:11:44Now, who's going to be first?
00:11:45You, Mrs. Dreary?
00:11:46Well, really, I suppose the trouble is we just can't get on.
00:11:51Now, let's try to be more precise.
00:11:53Get on what?
00:11:54A horse?
00:11:55A bus?
00:11:56Oh, no.
00:11:57You know.
00:11:59But we just seem to have rouse all the time.
00:12:02Ah, rouse, yes.
00:12:03About what, precisely?
00:12:04Oh, everything.
00:12:05Like the way he went on about that far side chair I got him.
00:12:09I bloody think so and all.
00:12:10I mean, look at it.
00:12:11Must have been made for a bloody midget.
00:12:12I couldn't get half me arse on it.
00:12:15Hardly the cause for a row, Mr. Dreary.
00:12:18You must learn to turn the other cheek.
00:12:20Oh, in a manner of speaking, Mrs. Speaker.
00:12:24I didn't come here for a laugh, you know, mate.
00:12:26I can stare at home and look at her for that.
00:12:28Yes, well, there's usually some deeper underlying cause for stress in these cases.
00:12:34Of course there is.
00:12:35Let's face it.
00:12:36You see, our problem is about our sex.
00:12:40You shouldn't have any trouble in that direction.
00:12:42After all, you're one of each.
00:12:44Some people are far worse off, you know.
00:12:46You trying to be funny, mate?
00:12:47Oh, no, certainly not.
00:12:49No, you don't seem to get the point, mate.
00:12:51You see, the trouble with my wife is she won't have relations.
00:12:58Oh, I think that's hardly fair, Mrs. Dreary.
00:13:01After all, it's perfectly normal to entertain members of the family from time to time.
00:13:05No, no, no, no, no.
00:13:07She won't have...
00:13:11intercourse.
00:13:11What?
00:13:12Well, you must chat about something.
00:13:14What he's trying to say is that we never have it.
00:13:18That intimacy never takes place between us.
00:13:22Ah, I see.
00:13:23Well, of course, you should have mentioned that in the first place.
00:13:26Obviously, that's the basic root of the problem.
00:13:29Yes.
00:13:30Oh, well, of course.
00:13:31I mean, it naturally follows that everyone should lead a well-balanced sex life.
00:13:35Oh, that's the trouble.
00:13:36It isn't well-balanced.
00:13:38He's five stone heavier than me.
00:13:41Hmm, yes, oh, I see.
00:13:44Yes, I can understand the position you've been put on.
00:13:46A put in.
00:13:47Of course, don't the crows.
00:13:48What's he talking about?
00:13:49But don't you see at the moment you are a dead weight?
00:13:53And you're a bloody dead loss.
00:13:55Don't talk for me like that.
00:13:56Here I am trying to help you.
00:13:58Help me?
00:13:59You couldn't help a dog find a bloody lamppost.
00:14:01How dare you?
00:14:03You come to my office using ridiculous words like relations and intercourse
00:14:06without having the slightest idea of what they mean.
00:14:08I don't know what they mean.
00:14:10You're around the bleeding twits.
00:14:11That's it.
00:14:12Get out of my office, you hear?
00:14:14Get out.
00:14:15We're getting out.
00:14:16Don't worry, mate.
00:14:19Mr. Snooper, I must ask you to keep your voice down.
00:14:22You can be heard all over the building.
00:14:24I'm very sorry, sir.
00:14:25I'm simply trying to give this Richard couple some good advice.
00:14:27Advice?
00:14:28You couldn't advise a constipated cow to take a laxative.
00:14:31Sir, sir, if you and your wife would care to wait outside,
00:14:34I'll see you in a moment.
00:14:38But, Snooper, these incidents are happening far too often.
00:14:41Well, I'm really very, very sorry, sir.
00:14:43Oh, it's not entirely your fault, I suppose.
00:14:45They should never have employed a bachelor to give advice to married couples.
00:14:48Oh, but I know all about married couples.
00:14:50My father and mother were one, you know.
00:14:52I'm delighted to hear it, but it's not good enough.
00:14:54And unless you're prepared to get married yourself,
00:14:55we shall have to dispense with your services.
00:14:57Is that understood?
00:14:58But I'm a confirmed bachelor.
00:15:01I don't know any women.
00:15:03Then find one.
00:15:04Go to a matrimonial agency or something.
00:15:07But do it soon.
00:15:11Married?
00:15:12It'll disrupt my entire life.
00:15:16Well, that's all right, then.
00:15:17Age, habits, hobbies, likes, dislikes.
00:15:19Now, then, did you say you've been married before?
00:15:21That's right.
00:15:22Twice.
00:15:24Your wife's dead?
00:15:26That's right.
00:15:28I see.
00:15:30First wife died from eating mushrooms.
00:15:33Oh.
00:15:33I'm sorry to hear that.
00:15:35So is she.
00:15:38Second wife died from a fractured skull.
00:15:41Fractured skull?
00:15:43How did that happen?
00:15:45Wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
00:15:47Wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
00:15:49Thank you, Dr. Crippen.
00:15:51Don't call us.
00:15:52We'll call you.
00:16:24You must be joking.
00:16:37Oh, good afternoon.
00:16:38The wedding miss agency sent me.
00:16:41Mr. Philpott.
00:16:42That's right.
00:16:42I'm supposed to meet a Miss Jenny Grubb.
00:16:45You wouldn't be.
00:16:46Jenny is my daughter.
00:16:47Oh, thank goodness.
00:16:49Thank goodness I've come to the right place.
00:16:51That remains to be seen.
00:16:53Give him a hug.
00:16:56Jenny is in here, Mr. Philpott, having tea.
00:17:00You haven't had it, have you?
00:17:01Oh, no.
00:17:02No, this is the first time we've met.
00:17:04Tea, Mr. Philpott.
00:17:05Oh, I'm sorry.
00:17:05No, I haven't.
00:17:09Afternoon.
00:17:18Nice day.
00:17:19This is Mr. Philpott, who wishes to marry Jenny.
00:17:23I said steady on.
00:17:23I mean, give us a chance to get to know each other first.
00:17:26See how we hit it off, eh?
00:17:28Mr. Philpott, you may as well understand here and now that there will be no question of hitting
00:17:33it off before marriage.
00:17:35I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea.
00:17:36Actually, I only went to the agency for a bit of fun, really.
00:17:39If it's fun you want, I fear you've come to the wrong place.
00:17:43Yes, I can see that.
00:17:45Well, you may as well meet Jenny now that you're here.
00:17:48Oh, thanks.
00:17:48Well, nice to have met you all.
00:17:50She's here, Mr. Philpott.
00:17:54This is Jenny.
00:17:57How do you do, Jenny?
00:17:59No physical contact yet, please.
00:18:02Jenny, get Mr. Philpott some tea.
00:18:09Oh, what?
00:18:11Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:18:13Take your part.
00:18:26This is jolly nice.
00:18:37Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:18:51I seem to have done one of your sauces, eh?
00:18:56No matter.
00:18:58It's only Crown Derby.
00:19:00Oh, it's all right, then.
00:19:01Jenny, please get Mr. Philpott some more tea.
00:19:04You must think I'm awfully clumsy.
00:19:07Yes.
00:19:08But we will overlook your more obvious shortcomings and get down to practical matters.
00:19:13Now, regarding the period of courtship.
00:19:15Yes?
00:19:15You'll be permitted to see Jenny once a week, in company of myself, of course, and other members
00:19:20of the family.
00:19:21Well, you mean I wouldn't be able to see her alone?
00:19:23Oh, I don't think that would be at all wise.
00:19:25Jenny has led a very sheltered life and has had little or no experience of men.
00:19:30Really?
00:19:32I have done it.
00:19:34If one?
00:19:35Put it in.
00:19:36Oh.
00:19:37This should go.
00:19:38Ah.
00:19:39And what is your financial status, Mr. Philpott?
00:19:44Excuse me.
00:19:46Actually, I have a private income of about $3,000 a year.
00:19:48Is that all?
00:19:50Much enough.
00:19:51Oh, not enough to run a big house of this size.
00:19:54There's myself, you see, and other members of the family to provide for.
00:19:58We don't live extravagantly, but we do like to live well.
00:20:01Just a minute.
00:20:02Just a minute.
00:20:03Just supposing I was mugged enough to marry her.
00:20:05Do you really think I'd live here?
00:20:07With this lot?
00:20:08Naturally.
00:20:09We have always been, and we intend to remain, one big happy family.
00:20:14Oh, no.
00:20:15Oh, no.
00:20:15I'm afraid it just wouldn't work out.
00:20:16I mean, they'd never fit in with the way I like to live.
00:20:18All night parties, strip poker, pot smoking.
00:20:21No, no, I'm afraid not, no.
00:20:23Just say goodbye and thank you for the tea.
00:20:32Bye.
00:20:39I like him.
00:20:45Where did Bliss Agency let us bring a little happiness into your life?
00:20:49Oh, hello, Mr. Philpott.
00:20:51How was the introduction?
00:20:54Yes, well, I'm sorry.
00:20:55She wasn't quite what you were looking for, Mr. Philpott.
00:20:56I can't vet them all personally, you know.
00:20:59I never even saw Miss Grubb.
00:21:00Oh, that's what you need to see.
00:21:01My mother did what?
00:21:04Well, yes, yes, and I sympathise, Mr. Philpott.
00:21:07Hang on, hang on a minute, will you?
00:21:09Maybe I can put you onto something a little more amenable.
00:21:13Ah.
00:21:15Ah, yes.
00:21:16Yes, well, yeah, Miss Adams, eh?
00:21:18Now, there's an absolute cracker for you.
00:21:20Just a job for you, and she can cook, too.
00:21:21Yes?
00:21:22Right.
00:21:23The phone number is 663-404-271, right?
00:21:28Not at all, Mr. Philpott.
00:21:29We aim to see that all our clients get satisfaction.
00:21:32And you.
00:21:36Here's me crowfoot.
00:21:38Got to do something about that, silly.
00:21:46Sophie, darling?
00:21:47I've been thinking.
00:21:49Well?
00:21:50About me fixing it up for that young muffin fellow to meet Miss Crowfoot.
00:21:53It's all wrong.
00:21:53I don't like the sound of this.
00:21:55What are you up to?
00:21:56Nothing.
00:21:57I phoned her up and cancelled it.
00:21:58And what happens when he goes down to the bar to meet her at 7.30?
00:22:01Oh, yes.
00:22:02I've forgotten about her.
00:22:03Well, that's a nuisance, that is.
00:22:04I'll have to go down myself and explain.
00:22:06Oh, that's a good idea.
00:22:09I'll come, too.
00:22:10Why not?
00:22:11Oh, now, wait a minute.
00:22:11You can't.
00:22:11I'll just remember we've got that Snooper fellow coming at 8 o'clock.
00:22:14Oh, well, in that case, I'll go down and explain to Mr. Muffet.
00:22:17You'll stay here and see Mr. Snooper.
00:22:20Oh, no.
00:22:20That wouldn't be fair, would it?
00:22:21I mean, after all, I've got him into this mess.
00:22:23It's up to me to get him out of it.
00:22:24Well, I've got a few calls to make on the way.
00:22:25I'll be seeing you.
00:22:27When will you be seeing me?
00:22:29Sidney Bliss!
00:22:34I'll fix you, Sidney Bliss.
00:22:46Oh, hello!
00:22:48Of course I remember you, Mrs. Bliss.
00:22:50Yes.
00:22:51We last met at that wedding when I guarded the presents.
00:22:54Yes, it was a pity about that.
00:22:57No, they never did find the bride again.
00:22:59Such a nice girl, too.
00:23:00Well, I rang you, Mr. Bates, because I want someone followed.
00:23:04Mr. Bliss, actually.
00:23:06My husband, yes, that's right.
00:23:08Oh, well, if you'll describe him for me.
00:23:12Rotten.
00:23:14Cheating.
00:23:16Lying bar...
00:23:17No.
00:23:17No, Mrs. Bliss, a physical description, if you please.
00:23:20Yes.
00:23:21Yes.
00:23:23The general appearance of an ancient and dissipated walnut.
00:23:27And, what's more, I can tell you where he'll be at 7.30 this evening.
00:23:30At the Parkway Hotel Cocktail Bar.
00:23:33Right.
00:23:34Just you leave it to me, Mrs. Bliss.
00:23:36Check.
00:23:37Roger, over and out.
00:23:50No filming tonight, Miss Sally?
00:23:51No, worse luck.
00:23:52I have to meet some photographer from the publicity agency here.
00:23:55Ah, some more pin-ups, eh?
00:23:57That's it.
00:23:57Sally Martin, unknown star of stage, screen and television,
00:24:01pictured in her home, with everything about her but her clothes.
00:24:31How do you do?
00:24:33Meeting you is the most exciting moment of my life, straight up.
00:24:48Excuse me, but I'm from the agency.
00:24:52Oh, yes.
00:24:53Hello.
00:24:54Hello.
00:24:56Well?
00:24:58Muffet.
00:24:59Bertram Muffet.
00:25:00Oh, how do you do, Mr. Muffet?
00:25:03Oh, fine, thank you.
00:25:07It's the most exciting moment of my life, meeting you straight up.
00:25:11Really?
00:25:12Oh, well, it's nice to meet someone who knows who I am.
00:25:17Um, they told me at the agency, you see.
00:25:20Don't go and spoil it.
00:25:21I wonder if you would do me a pleasure.
00:25:24What?
00:25:25Um, the pleasure, um, of having a meal somewhere.
00:25:27Oh.
00:25:28Uh, well, it's really, very sweet of you, but, uh, it's not really necessary, you know.
00:25:33Isn't it?
00:25:34No.
00:25:36Look, I don't have a lot of time, so let's go straight back to my place and get down to
00:25:40it, eh?
00:25:48Some blokes have all the luck.
00:25:53Excuse me, have you had a fellow in here looking for a woman?
00:25:56We never get any other kind.
00:25:57Don't miss about.
00:25:58Small, skinny fellow, but dopey looking.
00:25:59Name her Bertram Muffet.
00:26:00That's him.
00:26:01He's just left with Miss Martin.
00:26:02Martin?
00:26:03Sally Martin.
00:26:07Well, she's taken him back to her place, to get down to it.
00:26:11Pardon?
00:26:12That's what she said.
00:26:13Did she?
00:26:14And I called him a dope.
00:26:21Well, this is it.
00:26:23I share with another girl, but you don't have to worry.
00:26:25She's working this evening.
00:26:27Oh, it's very nice.
00:26:28Very nice indeed.
00:26:29Well, anyway, it's better than Regent's Park.
00:26:32Regent's Park?
00:26:33Yes.
00:26:33That's where I did it last time, on the bridge over the canal.
00:26:37Really?
00:26:38Mm, it was awful.
00:26:39Freezing cold.
00:26:40And people kept stopping to watch.
00:26:42I'm not surprised.
00:26:43I suppose so.
00:26:45Still, it's annoying.
00:26:49Now, that's my bedroom, and through there's the kitchen and the bathroom.
00:26:52Oh, you'll want to go in there.
00:26:54Oh, you'll want to go in there, won't you?
00:26:55Oh, no thanks.
00:26:56Not just at the moment.
00:26:57Please yourself.
00:27:26Only most of you blokes seem to want one in the bath.
00:27:28You look absolutely lovely as you are.
00:27:30You look absolutely lovely as you are.
00:27:30In this?
00:27:31You must be joking.
00:27:32No, really.
00:27:33I like it.
00:27:34Well, it's very sweet of you to say so, but let's be sensible about this.
00:27:37I mean, I'm not crazy about stripping off, believe me.
00:27:40But it's what people want these days.
00:27:42So I say, if they want it, let them have it.
00:28:21I mean, I'm not crazy about this.
00:28:42I mean, I'm not crazy about this.
00:29:29What do you think you are doing?
00:29:30Hey, come back here!
00:29:33And just what are you playing about at?
00:29:35Oh, everything is all right, officer.
00:29:37There's nothing wrong at all.
00:29:38You see, I was looking for a man who I was following.
00:29:40Really?
00:29:40Well, in that case, sir, I think you'd better come along with me.
00:29:42No, officer.
00:29:43I don't think you quite understand.
00:29:44You see, I was following a man.
00:29:45He went into the cloakroom.
00:29:46Well, I thought he was...
00:30:00If they get any shorter, they'll have two more cheeks to powder.
00:30:03Yeah.
00:30:04Jacksy?
00:30:05Taxi?
00:30:09Roger and Manchin.
00:30:11Watch it.
00:30:11Don't use language like that to me, mate.
00:30:13You deaf old twit.
00:30:15Go to that address.
00:30:16Quick as you can.
00:30:21Come back, you fool.
00:30:22Here.
00:30:24Taxi?
00:30:27Follow that car.
00:30:35Okay, I'm ready.
00:30:39Well, you don't have to look so worried.
00:30:41I'll take this off as soon as you're ready.
00:30:43Do you like it?
00:30:44It's all off.
00:30:46Looks more like all off to me.
00:30:48Where do you want me?
00:30:51Well, I really don't mind.
00:30:53Well, you say you're the expert.
00:30:55How about on the bed?
00:30:56No.
00:30:58Well, where then?
00:31:00Well, I mean, couldn't we just sit and talk for a bit?
00:31:02Sit and talk?
00:31:04What about?
00:31:05Anything.
00:31:06I mean, I just didn't expect things to happen so quickly.
00:31:09Just a minute.
00:31:11Is this the first time you've ever done this?
00:31:14Yes.
00:31:15Oh, no.
00:31:16Don't say they've sent me a learner.
00:31:18But I know what to do.
00:31:19I mean, I've read books and things.
00:31:22Well, I suppose everybody's got to start sometime, haven't they?
00:31:26So let's give it a try, eh?
00:31:31I only bought this outfit this morning.
00:31:33I hope it shows enough.
00:31:35Oh, yes.
00:31:36Plenty.
00:31:36Well, if it doesn't, just yell out.
00:31:39Now, how about lying on the rug to start with?
00:31:48Throw me a cushion, can you?
00:31:55How's that?
00:31:56Wonderful.
00:31:58Well, come on, then.
00:31:59Where is it?
00:32:02With what?
00:32:03Your camera.
00:32:05Oh, but I haven't got one.
00:32:06What?
00:32:08What's that in your case?
00:32:09Oh, that's my model aeroplanes.
00:32:11Your what?
00:32:13Model aeroplanes.
00:32:14I thought you'd like to see them.
00:32:15Why would I want to see your model aeroplanes?
00:32:18Ah, well, they told me at the agency
00:32:20that you make Christmas decorations out of milk bottle tops,
00:32:23and that's what I make my aeroplanes with.
00:32:24Christmas decorations out of milk bottle tops?
00:32:27That's right.
00:32:28I've never done that.
00:32:28It must be fun.
00:32:29Oh, yes.
00:32:30Yes, it's really great fun.
00:32:32You really must try it.
00:32:33But just who at the agency told you all this about me?
00:32:37The chap who runs it, Mr Bliss.
00:32:40This one.
00:32:41The Wedded Bliss Agency.
00:32:43This is to introduce Mr Bertram Muffet.
00:32:47Yes, it should be Muffet.
00:32:48But you're not a photographer.
00:32:49Oh, dear me, no.
00:32:50I'm an undertaker's assistant.
00:32:52An undertaker's?
00:32:54Oh, look, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Muffet.
00:32:56Muffet?
00:32:57But there's been an awful mistake.
00:32:58You see, I think you've met the wrong person.
00:33:00You're Miss Crowfoot, aren't you?
00:33:01No.
00:33:02You see, I was going to meet a man from the photo agency,
00:33:05and when you said you were from the agency,
00:33:07I naturally thought that it was you.
00:33:10Oh.
00:33:10Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
00:33:12But when I saw you, I thought...
00:33:14Oh, what an idiot I've been.
00:33:16Excuse me.
00:33:20But you don't have to go.
00:33:21It wasn't really your fault.
00:33:22I'm terribly sorry.
00:33:24Where's he?
00:33:28I don't know.
00:33:29Oh, boy.
00:33:34I don't know.
00:33:35Yeah.
00:33:45Gos, boys.
00:33:46Come.
00:33:46Yeah.
00:33:48Come.
00:33:50Come.
00:33:52Come.
00:34:01All right?
00:34:15Well, that's it. Can't go any further.
00:34:18Not without getting arrested.
00:34:52Not without getting arrested.
00:35:09You! I said I never wanted to see you again.
00:35:11Help me! Help me!
00:35:14What's happened to you? You're all wet.
00:35:15I'm sorry. I didn't know anybody else I could turn to.
00:35:18What have you been doing? Come on inside.
00:35:21Thank you. Thank you.
00:35:24Silky, what have you been doing?
00:35:26I couldn't help it. I just couldn't face going through life anymore without you.
00:35:30What do you mean?
00:35:32I tried to drown myself.
00:35:34Where? What inn?
00:35:36The canal.
00:35:37Canal? What canal?
00:35:39What does it matter what canal? They've all got water, haven't they?
00:35:43Well, that was a silly thing to do. Those canals are filthy dirty.
00:35:46Who cares about that when you're going to drown?
00:35:49Why didn't you drown?
00:35:51I forgot I could swim.
00:35:52Come on, look. Get those wet things off before you catch your death.
00:35:56Fancy.
00:35:57No one's ever tried to do away with themselves because of me before.
00:36:00I'm flattered.
00:36:01You should be.
00:36:02The suit cost me 30 quid.
00:36:05I didn't really mean it, Sidney, you know, about not wanting to see you again.
00:36:09I don't want much.
00:36:10Just to worship at your feet.
00:36:12I've got better bits.
00:36:14I'll put this by the fire.
00:36:17Have you wet your trousers?
00:36:18Eh?
00:36:19Oh.
00:36:20Oh, yes.
00:36:21Well, I mean, I went in feet first, didn't I?
00:36:23Had me shirt.
00:36:25Then we'd better have it off, hadn't we?
00:36:26You took the thought right out of my mind.
00:36:52Mr. Snooker, is it?
00:36:54That is correct.
00:36:55Oh, do come in.
00:36:56I'm sorry Mr. Bliss can't be here.
00:36:58I'm Mrs. Bliss.
00:36:59Do sit down.
00:37:00Oh, thank you.
00:37:01That's it.
00:37:01I don't mind discussing your problems with a woman, I hope.
00:37:04Oh, no, not at all.
00:37:06My mother was a woman, you know.
00:37:08Really?
00:37:09I hope you don't mind my coming so late, but I wanted to wait till everyone had gone home
00:37:13and the streets were clear.
00:37:14I wouldn't like to be seen coming here.
00:37:17You understand?
00:37:18Oh, you don't have to be embarrassed coming to a marriage bureau, Mr. Snooker.
00:37:22The mating instinct is in all of us.
00:37:25Everybody's doing it these days.
00:37:27I know, I have to spend half my time listening to how they do it.
00:37:32I beg your pardon?
00:37:33I am a marriage guidance counsellor, Mrs. Bliss.
00:37:37And my superior feels it would be advantageous if I were married.
00:37:42Oh, I understand.
00:37:45Though I must confess, I find it difficult to believe that anyone as cultured and distinguished
00:37:52looking as yourself would have any difficulty in finding a wife.
00:37:57That is very true, of course.
00:37:59And up till now, I've had no need for one.
00:38:02Miss Dempsey, my housekeeper, caters for my every need.
00:38:06About the house, of course.
00:38:08Cooking, cleaning and scrubbing.
00:38:11She does all the scrubbing.
00:38:13So what you really want is a wife who can satisfy your superior.
00:38:19Good gracious, no.
00:38:20He has his own wife.
00:38:22Yes, of course.
00:38:24Well, I'm quite sure that we'll find someone suitable for you.
00:38:27A woman with charm and intelligence who can grace your table and run your house efficiently.
00:38:33Yes, and bring me a cup of tea in bed.
00:38:36Oh, of course.
00:38:37I always fancy it in the mornings, you know.
00:38:40Really?
00:38:41Oh, yes.
00:38:42Gets the system going.
00:38:44I am a man of regular habits.
00:38:46Once a week, I dine at my club.
00:38:49Once a week, I play squash.
00:38:51Once a week, bridge and so on.
00:38:52Everything in moderation.
00:38:55Yes, of course.
00:38:56Well, I think once a week is enough for anything, don't you?
00:39:01Precisely.
00:39:01Well, I'm sure that we'll be able to find someone suitable.
00:39:05And being a virile man, of course you would like to have a child.
00:39:10Oh, no.
00:39:11A fully grown woman, I think.
00:39:21Excuse me, I'd like to use the phone, if I may.
00:39:29I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, but this is important.
00:39:40Oh, I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, but would you have a sixpence, two so many bits, please?
00:39:47One chance.
00:39:53Oh, oh, thank you very much.
00:39:57Well, here's your receipt, Mr. Snooper, and we'll be getting in touch with you very soon regarding an introduction.
00:40:04Thank you very much.
00:40:05And I must let you get home now.
00:40:07You're looking rather tired.
00:40:08Well, it is a long day, and Mr. Bliss and I are always at it.
00:40:11Well, as long as it's not through overwork.
00:40:22Where did Bliss agency, Mrs. Bliss?
00:40:24Ah, Mr. Muffet.
00:40:26Oh, hello, Mrs. Bliss.
00:40:28I'm afraid there's been a bit of a mix-up.
00:40:29I seem to have met the wrong girl.
00:40:31Yes.
00:40:34No, I've got the right place and time.
00:40:37But there was this girl who thought I was someone else, and I thought it was her.
00:40:41Yeah, and we didn't find out her mistake.
00:40:42I mean, my mistake, until she got most of her clothes off.
00:40:46But I don't understand this, Mr. Muffet.
00:40:49Didn't Mr. Bliss meet you at the bar?
00:40:52No.
00:40:53Are you sure?
00:40:56I see.
00:40:58Oh, yes, I think I know what he's doing, Mr. Muffet.
00:41:02Look, you still want to meet Miss Crowfoot, I take it?
00:41:06Good.
00:41:08Why don't you go to her flat?
00:41:11Yes, I'll give you the address.
00:41:12Um, Rogerham Mansions.
00:41:15Yes.
00:41:16Dunham Road.
00:41:18Right.
00:41:19Yes, and thank you.
00:41:20Yes, thank you, Mrs. Bliss.
00:41:21Goodbye.
00:41:33Here's me.
00:41:34Here's me.
00:41:43Are you feeling better now?
00:41:45No.
00:41:45But I might if I didn't have to keep looking at that thing.
00:41:48Oh, don't you think he's rather gorgeous?
00:41:51Gorgeous?
00:41:51That's Gripper.
00:41:52Gripper would be more like it.
00:41:54Gripper Burke.
00:41:55He's a wrestler.
00:41:56Get away.
00:41:57I thought it was a ballet dancer.
00:41:58Well, he and I had quite a thing once.
00:42:00I don't know what it was, you know, but he had quite a hold on me.
00:42:02Probably the Indian death lock.
00:42:04Yes, well, then he had to go to America and wrestle, and I haven't heard from him since.
00:42:07Obviously the same as me.
00:42:08All out for a submission.
00:42:10Now, don't start that nonsense all over again.
00:42:13Nonsense?
00:42:13Haven't you heard?
00:42:14That's what makes the world go round.
00:42:15Yes, well, I've done my share of keeping it going in the past.
00:42:18Now, let someone else have a go.
00:42:19Me, for instance.
00:42:20Come here.
00:42:20No, Sidney, don't.
00:42:24Sidney, you mustn't.
00:42:25Not in your condition.
00:42:26Right now, I couldn't be in a better condition.
00:42:28No, Sidney.
00:42:29Oh, come on, darling.
00:42:30I'm not just on your make.
00:42:31I really fancy you.
00:42:35No.
00:42:37Oh, blimey.
00:42:38Why not?
00:42:40Because I am keeping myself.
00:42:42Well, that's all right.
00:42:43I don't want to keep you.
00:42:44I mean, for the man I marry.
00:42:46You're making a big mistake.
00:42:47Why?
00:42:48Well, it's like a car, isn't it?
00:42:50What is?
00:42:50Well, I mean, you lay it up for a few years, suddenly you want to use it, and you find
00:42:54it's
00:42:54all rusted up.
00:42:55True.
00:42:56On the other hand, if it has a regular service, no trouble.
00:42:58Look, it's not that I don't want to, Sid, but...
00:43:01Yes?
00:43:02Well, who can that be?
00:43:03Never mind.
00:43:04Don't answer it.
00:43:04Well, I have to.
00:43:05It might be business.
00:43:06Well, what do you think this is?
00:43:07I'll get rid of them as quick as I can.
00:43:18I'll get rid of them as quick as I can.
00:43:19Pussycank!
00:43:20Gripper!
00:43:21Oh!
00:43:25When...
00:43:25When...
00:43:26When did you get back?
00:43:27Just now.
00:43:28I had enough of it over there.
00:43:30Besides, I missed you too much.
00:43:32Oh, I'm sure you did, Gripper.
00:43:34Oh, put me down, please.
00:43:35You're hurting me.
00:43:36Eh?
00:43:37Oh!
00:43:38Oh!
00:43:39Oh!
00:43:41Here.
00:43:42Nobody can say Gripper Burke don't fight fair.
00:43:45No, no, no.
00:43:46Oh, there's me, darling.
00:43:47I can't wait to get started with you again.
00:43:50Yeah, oh, well, I'm sure you can't, but not tonight, Gripper, please.
00:43:52What?
00:43:52Here.
00:43:53You haven't found somebody else, have you?
00:43:54Could you promise?
00:43:55No, no, no, no, of course not, no.
00:43:57Oh, well, that's some white, then.
00:43:58Second's our second round thing.
00:44:00No, Gripper, please, no!
00:44:01No!
00:44:04No, Gripper!
00:44:05No, Gripper, please!
00:44:08No.
00:44:09No, Gripper.
00:44:10No!
00:44:11No, Gripper.
00:44:12Gotcha!
00:44:13My favourite old, remember?
00:44:14It used to make you turn to jelly.
00:44:17I don't really feel like turning to jelly, do I, Gripper?
00:44:19That's all right.
00:44:20We've got all night.
00:44:21No, dear, I really am awfully tired.
00:44:23All right, then.
00:44:25There.
00:44:26That's better.
00:44:27Here.
00:44:27Let me tell you about my last fight in the States.
00:44:31Man Mountain Dawson, they call him.
00:44:34Man Mountain.
00:44:36More like Anteep, he was.
00:44:38He kind of wrestled with his blooming conscience.
00:44:41Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:44:42Anyway, in the first round, he comes up roaring and bellowing like some animal.
00:44:50It sounds fascinating, Gripper.
00:44:51Go on.
00:44:52Those are men's clothes.
00:44:56You got a bloke here?
00:44:58No, of course not, Gripper.
00:44:59Where is he?
00:45:01I'll kill him.
00:45:02I'll tear him apart.
00:45:08See, I told you there was no one here.
00:45:18You think I'm daft or something?
00:45:20Yes.
00:45:20No, no, no, I mean no.
00:45:22Well, tell me then.
00:45:22What were those clothes doing here?
00:45:24I was just drying them off for someone.
00:45:26Yeah.
00:45:27Well, he better not come back while I'm here,
00:45:29or he'll find me waiting for him.
00:45:36Oh, no.
00:45:40Honest, Gripper, I haven't seen any other men since you went away.
00:45:44Honest?
00:45:44Yes, really.
00:45:49Oh, good evening.
00:45:54This is Miss Crowfoot's flat, isn't it?
00:45:55Yeah.
00:45:56What about it?
00:45:58Well, they said if I was to come here, it would be all right.
00:46:00Oh, they did, did they?
00:46:03Yes, Mr Bliss said that she'd be just what I was looking for.
00:46:07Oh.
00:46:08Well, you'd better come in, hadn't you?
00:46:11Hello.
00:46:12I'm from the agency.
00:46:13Ah, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:46:17You're from the agency, did you say?
00:46:20Yes, that's right.
00:46:21Muffet's the name.
00:46:22I'm Virgin Muffet.
00:46:30What are you doing?
00:46:32I'll kill him.
00:46:45Good night, there, great.
00:46:48Hello.
00:46:50Is that the Wedded Bliss Agency?
00:46:52Good.
00:46:53Um, I was trying to trace a Mr Bertram Muffet, a client of yours, I believe.
00:46:58Yes.
00:47:00What?
00:47:02What are you doing in a hospital?
00:47:04What?
00:47:05Look, darling, I love you, I worship you, I adore you, and you're my very favourite model,
00:47:09but not for this particular job.
00:47:10Why not?
00:47:11No, Bristol's.
00:47:12Huh?
00:47:12You're flat-chested.
00:47:14Adrian, please.
00:47:15What do you mean, flat-chested?
00:47:17Well...
00:47:17Sally, did you hear him?
00:47:19Am I flat-chested?
00:47:20Am I now?
00:47:21Well, I don't know.
00:47:22Turn around and let's have a look.
00:47:23Oh, ha-ha.
00:47:25You've never worried about it before.
00:47:27Look, I have told you, darling, for this particular job, they want watermelons.
00:47:30All right, then.
00:47:30Go and find someone else.
00:47:32I don't care.
00:47:32Look, I wish I could find someone else.
00:47:34That's why I asked you if you knew somebody.
00:47:35You think I'd tell you?
00:47:36Huh.
00:47:37Find your own watermelons.
00:47:38Oh, gay.
00:47:39Look, darling, I love you.
00:47:40You know that, but if I can't find any watermelons, I'm out of business.
00:47:43Hello, are you still there?
00:47:44I'm sorry I was interrupted.
00:47:46Could you tell me which hospital he's in?
00:47:49Oh, thanks.
00:47:50Thanks a lot.
00:48:01Oh, excuse me, but I saw an advert for someone to share a flat.
00:48:05Oh, yes.
00:48:06Come in.
00:48:11There's, um, two of us here at the moment, but we could use a third.
00:48:15It'll be about five pounds a week each.
00:48:17All right.
00:48:18Oh, yes.
00:48:19At least it will be as soon as I can get another job.
00:48:21Oh.
00:48:21What do you do, then?
00:48:22Well, I was a stuffer.
00:48:24I beg your pardon.
00:48:26Oh, the sausage meat.
00:48:28In a sausage factory.
00:48:30Oh.
00:48:31Yes.
00:48:32You know, putting it in.
00:48:33Why did you give it up?
00:48:35Well, it wasn't a very interesting job, you know.
00:48:37Besides, I wanted to get away from home.
00:48:39Well, I'm sure you'll find something else.
00:48:41Would you like to see round the plant?
00:48:42Look, darling, I've got to go.
00:48:43If I don't find a girl, I'm going to lose this job.
00:48:45I wish I would bed.
00:48:49Uh, this is Adrian.
00:48:52Oh, how do you do?
00:48:53Darling, girl, where did you come from, Evan?
00:48:56No, Fulham.
00:48:57Hmm?
00:48:58Oh, Fulham.
00:49:00Wonderful, beautiful Fulham.
00:49:02What does he mean?
00:49:03Oh, darling, let me rest my mince pies.
00:49:06Oh, they are great.
00:49:09Knockout.
00:49:10What?
00:49:11They are all yours, I take it.
00:49:13Oh, don't be a fool, Adrian.
00:49:14Oh, yeah, of course.
00:49:15They must be.
00:49:16All right, darling, get your gear off.
00:49:18What?
00:49:19Your clothes.
00:49:20I want to have a good butcher's at you.
00:49:22Do you think I am?
00:49:24Adrian, for heaven's sake, stop.
00:49:26She isn't a model, you know.
00:49:28Really?
00:49:28What do you do then, darling?
00:49:30I shouldn't tell him that if I was you.
00:49:33As a matter of fact, she's not working at anything at the moment.
00:49:36Oh?
00:49:38Well, you are now, my darling.
00:49:41Oh.
00:49:48Oh.
00:49:52Oh.
00:50:18Here, I never quite gathered, mate, but what's supposed to be wrong with you?
00:50:25Me? Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Why?
00:50:27There must be something wrong.
00:50:28No, I'm fine.
00:50:35He's over here.
00:50:36Oh, thanks. I promise I'll only be a few minutes.
00:50:40Oh, I say, I'm awfully sorry. I didn't see you. Gosh, you.
00:50:48Yes. Well, nobody can accuse us of having dull meetings, can they?
00:50:53But how did you get here?
00:50:54Well, you left your card that night, and they told me where you were.
00:50:58Oh, I see.
00:51:02Oh, excuse me.
00:51:06Oh, I came because I wanted to apologize for what happened in the flat that night.
00:51:10You? But I'm the one who should apologize. I behaved like an absolute clot.
00:51:14No, it was really all my fault. If I'd known who you were...
00:51:18Oh, nonsense.
00:51:20Anyway, nothing did happen, did it?
00:51:21No. What must you have thought of me, taking all my clothes off like that?
00:51:26Well, I can tell you now, I did feel a bit shaky.
00:51:29Especially when you asked me where I wanted you.
00:51:31And you should have seen your face when I laid down on the rug and told you to get on
00:51:35with it.
00:51:36And I turned and bolted.
00:51:40Well, I just wanted to say sorry.
00:51:43I'll have to go now.
00:51:44Oh, no, look, wait.
00:51:46Look, I'll get out of here tomorrow.
00:51:47Could I see you again?
00:51:49Well, if you really want to.
00:51:50Oh, rather.
00:51:52I'd like to see a lot more of you.
00:51:54Well, there isn't much you haven't already seen.
00:51:57Oh, no, I don't mean that.
00:51:58No, I know.
00:52:00Well, if you'd like to give me a call sometime.
00:52:02Yes, soon as I get out.
00:52:03Fine.
00:52:04Well, bye for now, then.
00:52:06Oh.
00:52:07Yes?
00:52:08Um, don't think I'm being nosy.
00:52:11But there is one thing I just have to know.
00:52:13I haven't got another girl, if that's it.
00:52:15No.
00:52:16But do you really make model aeroplanes out of milk bottle tops?
00:52:20Yes.
00:52:21Oh, good.
00:52:23Well, I'll start saving mine for you, then.
00:52:26Bye.
00:52:30Aeroplanes out of milk bottle tops?
00:52:32Look, mate, I couldn't tell the airing, but is it really right, all that stuff?
00:52:37What?
00:52:38Well, you know, stripping off and laying on the rug and that.
00:52:41Oh, yes.
00:52:42And you turned and ran?
00:52:44Yes.
00:52:45Blimey.
00:52:46And you say there's nothing wrong with you.
00:52:48Oh, cool.
00:52:58And the next, please.
00:53:03Why, Mrs. Bliss, what a pleasant surprise to have come in.
00:53:06Sit down.
00:53:08Well, what brings you here?
00:53:10What can I do for you?
00:53:11Not a marital problem, I trust.
00:53:14Well, hardly, Mr. Snooper.
00:53:16You see, I'm not married.
00:53:18Yes, well, of course, that would be.
00:53:20What?
00:53:21You mean you and Mr. Bliss are living in sin?
00:53:24Well, not that either, unfortunately.
00:53:26I don't understand.
00:53:28Well, for business reasons, he thought it would be better if we appeared to be husband and wife.
00:53:32Of course, we always had an understanding that one day we would marry.
00:53:37At least, I had an understanding.
00:53:38How long has this been going on?
00:53:41Ten years.
00:53:42Oh, how terrible.
00:53:44Oh, my dear Mrs. Bliss.
00:53:46Miss Plummet, actually.
00:53:48Miss Plummet.
00:53:49Oh, how nice.
00:53:51And you would like me to talk to Mr. Bliss?
00:53:55Oh, no.
00:53:55I'd never marry him now.
00:53:58No, really, I came to talk about us.
00:54:02About us?
00:54:03Yes, you see, I've been studying your case very carefully, Mr. Snooper.
00:54:08And frankly, I feel that I'm the only one who comes anywhere near satisfying your requirements for a wife.
00:54:16Oh, well, well, I don't know about that.
00:54:18I'd have to...
00:54:19Oh, please, listen to me, Mr. Snooper.
00:54:21I'm sure you'll agree that I'm not one of your flighty young women.
00:54:25Oh, no, no, not at all.
00:54:27So, as far as sex is concerned, I'd like to make my position quite clear.
00:54:31Yes, well, the position is half the battle, isn't it?
00:54:36As your wife, I would run your home efficiently.
00:54:40I would preside over your table gracefully and await any further demands, hopefully.
00:54:48Well, that is a most generous offer, Miss Plummet.
00:54:52Oh, I promise you, Mr. Snooper, you'll find me generous in all things.
00:54:58Yes, well, I'd like a little time to think about it, of course, you understand.
00:55:02Of course, sir.
00:55:04I've been a bachelor for so long, I can't help wondering whether I'd be very satisfying as a husband.
00:55:09You know.
00:55:11I know.
00:55:12On the other hand, with you, I can't help feeling there's a chance it might actually work.
00:55:16Well, don't worry.
00:55:18If it didn't, we could always adopt a child.
00:55:23What do you mean you're not coming into the office anymore?
00:55:26Well, Sophie, I need you here.
00:55:28Well, oh, that's nice.
00:55:30After all I've done for you.
00:55:32Now, listen.
00:55:33So, Sophie.
00:55:37What's the matter with her?
00:55:38What have I done?
00:55:41Mr. Philpott, what can I do for you?
00:55:43I'll tell you what you can do.
00:55:44You can give me my money back, every ruddy penny.
00:55:46Why?
00:55:46What's up?
00:55:47What's up?
00:55:48First of all, you sent me to see a girl called Jenny Grubb.
00:55:51How about that?
00:55:52Yeah, how about that?
00:55:53I never tried it.
00:55:54A mouse.
00:55:55I've got more sex in my little finger.
00:55:57Then if that weren't bad enough, you'd put me onto that Miss Adams.
00:56:00An absolute cracker, you said.
00:56:02Well, that's quite true.
00:56:03I vetted her personally.
00:56:04A good cook, you said.
00:56:05Yes, that's right.
00:56:06She had something cooking, all right.
00:56:07In the oven.
00:56:08In the oven?
00:56:09Yeah, by my reckoning, for about five months.
00:56:11At Regulo 10.
00:56:13Oh, my God.
00:56:16It's all right.
00:56:17I'm in the clear.
00:56:18You won't be if I don't get my money back.
00:56:19Wait a minute, now.
00:56:20Mistakes can happen.
00:56:21Look, I tell you what, I've got another one here for you.
00:56:23A dead right one for you.
00:56:24The name's Esme Crowfoot.
00:56:25And believe me...
00:56:26No, you know what you can do with Esme Crowfoot.
00:56:28I don't, as a matter of fact, but if you care to find out...
00:56:30Give me back my money, I'm going straight to the police.
00:56:32The police?
00:56:33They'll never find you anything any good.
00:56:35Hey, fraud.
00:56:36That's what it is.
00:56:36It's like obtaining money under false pretensions.
00:56:38That's steady on there, Mr. Foote.
00:56:39But look, I'll tell you what.
00:56:40Why don't you just come and sit down a minute.
00:56:42Excuse me, customer.
00:56:43Come in.
00:56:43Never mind the customer.
00:56:44Just give me my money back.
00:56:49Oh, excuse me.
00:56:51Am I interrupting?
00:56:54Not at all, Miss.
00:56:55Can I help you?
00:56:56Well, I just popped in to say that you could take my name off your list.
00:56:59You?
00:57:00You're on our books?
00:57:01Don't you remember me?
00:57:02No.
00:57:03Jenny.
00:57:04Jenny Grubb.
00:57:05Yeah.
00:57:06Jenny Grubb?
00:57:07I came out to your place for tea the other week.
00:57:09Yes.
00:57:10And you weren't very impressed, were you?
00:57:12No.
00:57:12Well, yeah, yes.
00:57:14It's just that you were dressed rather differently then.
00:57:17My parents believe in covering me up.
00:57:20They're an old-fashioned pair, you know.
00:57:22Nonsense.
00:57:22They're a beautifully fashioned pair.
00:57:24Just hang on a minute, Mr. Philpott.
00:57:26It's my client, if you don't mind.
00:57:27You say you want to come off our list.
00:57:29Does that mean you fixed up with someone?
00:57:31Well, no.
00:57:31No one's special.
00:57:32It's just that I've got a job.
00:57:34I'm a model and a nice new flat to live in.
00:57:36So I thought I'd have a bit of fun.
00:57:37And you couldn't have come at a better time.
00:57:39Let's go in the other office and talk about it.
00:57:40Oh, no, I can't do that.
00:57:41I've got a modelling job in half an hour.
00:57:43It's for a new kind of body stocking.
00:57:45And I can't get out of it.
00:57:47Come in here.
00:57:47I'll get you out of it.
00:57:48No, I must go.
00:57:50Here.
00:57:51I've got the old jam jar outside.
00:57:52Let me give you a lift.
00:57:53Oh, that's very kind of you.
00:57:55Come on, then.
00:57:56Just a minute.
00:57:57Haven't you forgotten something?
00:57:58You wanted your money back.
00:57:59Me?
00:58:00What would I want my money back for?
00:58:01You've done a splendid job here.
00:58:03Have I?
00:58:04Splendid.
00:58:12Grubb.
00:58:13Jenny Grubb.
00:58:15Oh, look at her.
00:58:18Miss Jenny Grubb.
00:58:19Age, 24 years.
00:58:21Hair, brownish, eyes.
00:58:23Didn't notice.
00:58:24Ike, 5 foot 6.
00:58:26Never had any.
00:58:27Eh?
00:58:28Oh, I'll be...
00:58:29Yeah, well.
00:58:30I'll soon be changed.
00:58:37Well, this is it.
00:58:39All right?
00:58:39Mm, sexy.
00:58:41I knew you'd say a lumber room was sexy.
00:58:43Only if I was rummaging through your odds and ends.
00:58:49Have you got in here again?
00:58:51Come on out.
00:58:54It's the porters' darn thing.
00:58:56It's always sneaking in here.
00:59:02Shoo, cooking fat.
00:59:03Shoo.
00:59:08Cooking fat?
00:59:09Yes.
00:59:10They can't call it that, surely?
00:59:12Well, that's what it sounds like.
00:59:18Coming at, Count V.
00:59:20Here.
00:59:21Are you sure your flatmates won't be back?
00:59:23Oh, not until after 11.
00:59:25God, I really fancy you, Jenny.
00:59:27Oh, and I liked you the first time I met you.
00:59:29Oh, let me get at you.
00:59:31Oh, what the hell am I sitting on?
00:59:34Oh.
00:59:36Oh.
00:59:37Oh, they're not yours, surely?
00:59:38No, they're gays.
00:59:39She really is a flat mate.
00:59:42Come here, you little raven.
00:59:43Oh, steady on.
00:59:44There's plenty of time.
00:59:45And plenty of incarnation.
00:59:54Oh, Terry, stop it.
00:59:57What are you doing?
00:59:58I'm looking for the zip.
00:59:59Oh, you've got a sauce.
01:00:01Well, where is that darn thing?
01:00:03As if I tell you anyway.
01:00:05It's on the other side.
01:00:08That's better.
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:10What's the matter?
01:00:11Oh, you've got cold hands.
01:00:13Oh, Jenny.
01:00:14Oh, Terry.
01:00:29Oh, sorry, Jenny.
01:00:31I didn't know you were here.
01:00:32I didn't know you were here.
01:00:34Sally, this is my night.
01:00:35Wednesday.
01:00:36I know.
01:00:38It's all right.
01:00:39I'm going out.
01:00:40As soon as I find my blue sweater, anyway.
01:00:47Have you had it?
01:00:48Not yet.
01:00:49No, I have not had your blue sweater.
01:00:51And if you must go on looking for it in here,
01:00:53will you please put something on?
01:00:54Oh, sorry.
01:00:56But I've got to find it.
01:00:58Oh, I know.
01:00:58I bet Gay's had it again.
01:01:02Do you want me to close the door?
01:01:04Yes, please.
01:01:08Oh, Terry, I'm so sorry.
01:01:10Not at all.
01:01:11Good job she wasn't looking for her pants.
01:01:14Or was it?
01:01:16Oh, Terry.
01:01:17Oh, Jenny.
01:01:23I found it.
01:01:25Oh, Ray.
01:01:27Oh, sorry.
01:01:28I won't bother you anymore.
01:01:32Do you want me to close the door?
01:01:34Yes.
01:01:37Oh, Terry, I'm so sorry.
01:01:40Don't mention it.
01:01:40Don't mention it.
01:01:42You are sweet.
01:01:44Oh, Jenny.
01:01:46Oh, Terry.
01:01:52Oh, blimey.
01:01:55Men, I've had them up to here.
01:01:57Oh, no.
01:01:59Gay, what are you doing here?
01:02:00It is my flat, isn't it?
01:02:02Yes, but it's Wednesday, my night.
01:02:04Oh, I'm sorry.
01:02:05But I've had another flaming row with Adrian, and I just couldn't stand him any longer.
01:02:09Gay, I've got a friend here.
01:02:11Oh, well, you don't have to worry.
01:02:13I'm going to bed.
01:02:18I'm glad this is your night.
01:02:19I'd hate to be here when it wasn't.
01:02:22Oh, Terry.
01:02:23Oh, Jenny.
01:02:25Give me a number between one and ten.
01:02:27Seven.
01:02:29You lose.
01:02:29Get your clothes off.
01:02:35If that's Bertie, tell him I won't be a minute, will you?
01:02:38Do it yourself.
01:02:39I'm busy.
01:02:44If that's Adrian, tell him to go to hell.
01:03:01All right, where is she?
01:03:02Where is that cow?
01:03:04Gay is in her room, and she doesn't want to see you.
01:03:06Well, I want to see her.
01:03:07Jane, I'm trying to entertain.
01:03:09Oh, how do you do?
01:03:11Hello.
01:03:13Open up there.
01:03:14I want to talk to her.
01:03:15Adrian!
01:03:16I'll break the door down, I will.
01:03:17Adrian!
01:03:18That is a cupboard.
01:03:21Oh, sorry.
01:03:25Open up.
01:03:26I want to talk to her.
01:03:27Well, I don't want to talk to you.
01:03:28I'll stay here all night if I have to.
01:03:30I had a nasty feeling he was going to say that.
01:03:33Well, what have you got to say?
01:03:35Oh, darling, you know I can't exist without you.
01:03:37You seem to be able to exist with all those other models you keep messing about with.
01:03:41Oh, they mean nothing to me.
01:03:43You know that.
01:03:46Oh, it's Harry.
01:03:54Oh, good, company.
01:03:56Oh, I'm fed up with this.
01:03:58I might as well be back home.
01:04:03Yes?
01:04:04Oh, hello, Jenny.
01:04:05Is Sally ready?
01:04:06No, but do come in.
01:04:08Oh, thank you.
01:04:14Oh, hello.
01:04:17Oh, I'm sorry if I'm barging in.
01:04:18Do go on with what you were doing.
01:04:20Chance will be a fine thing.
01:04:25Quite a nice evening.
01:04:27Charming.
01:04:29I thought it would rain earlier.
01:04:31Really?
01:04:32Yes.
01:04:33Anyway, we'll probably get it tonight.
01:04:35We'll be bloody lucky if we do, mate.
01:04:41Hello, Bertie.
01:04:42Sorry to have kept you waiting.
01:04:43Oh, that's all right.
01:04:46Well, what are we going to do then?
01:04:48Well, if you'd like to stop in and make some aeroplanes, I've brought some tops.
01:04:51No, I don't think that would be a very good idea.
01:04:54Not tonight, Bertie.
01:04:56All right.
01:04:56If that's the way it's to be, I shall kill myself.
01:05:00I will.
01:05:01I mean it.
01:05:02No, no, no, don't.
01:05:03Don't.
01:05:04Not in here.
01:05:05I shall shoot myself.
01:05:06Go on, shoot the lot.
01:05:07Then maybe we'll get some peace.
01:05:09Goodbye.
01:05:10Oh, stop it, somebody.
01:05:16Oh, take cover.
01:05:17Ah.
01:05:21Oh, stop it, sir.
01:05:32Oh, stop it, sir.
01:05:33Oh, stop it, sir.
01:05:39Oh, stop it, sir.
01:05:41Aren't you getting tired of following me about?
01:05:43Excuse, gentle sir.
01:05:45Me no spoken.
01:05:46Very good.
01:05:46The English.
01:05:47Oh, good.
01:05:48A Bombay bond.
01:05:50Ah, fooled him that time.
01:05:5215.02.
01:05:54Suspect left cock in.
01:05:57Saloon bar.
01:05:58And proceeded back to office.
01:06:09Sophie, you're back.
01:06:10Only to clear my desk.
01:06:11Oh, come on.
01:06:12Surely you're not still suspicious of Esme Crowfoot and me.
01:06:14I no longer care where you go or what you do or to whom.
01:06:18Oh, don't be like that.
01:06:19How about some dinner tonight?
01:06:20Just like old times.
01:06:21You mean like old time?
01:06:22And then I paid the bill.
01:06:24All right.
01:06:24So it's my turn tonight.
01:06:25No, thank you.
01:06:25Anyway, I'm having dinner with Mr. Snooper at his home.
01:06:28Alone?
01:06:29Certainly.
01:06:30I hope you've got your tin drawers on.
01:06:32Mr. Snooper and I are to be married.
01:06:35Married?
01:06:35Are you going to rave him mad?
01:06:36You don't know anything about the bloke.
01:06:38I know he's a gentleman.
01:06:39There you are.
01:06:39I knew there was something wrong with him.
01:06:41Well, have you any alternative suggestions as to my future?
01:06:44Yes, of course I have.
01:06:45Well?
01:06:46Stay here with me.
01:06:47It's been all right the last ten years.
01:06:48Goodbye, Sydney.
01:06:49Oh, wait a minute, Sophie.
01:06:50Don't go like that.
01:06:51Don't leave me like that.
01:06:52I'll be lost without you.
01:06:53So will the business.
01:06:54I need a woman.
01:06:55You know that.
01:06:55Then I suggest you put the details on the appropriate card and stick it in your computer.
01:07:02All right.
01:07:03Go then.
01:07:04See if I care.
01:07:06Barvelous, isn't it?
01:07:07Give a woman the best use of your life and look what happens.
01:07:09Mr. Bleed and Snooper.
01:07:11Snooper.
01:07:11What's he got?
01:07:14Snooper.
01:07:16Snooper.
01:07:17Percival.
01:07:18Percival.
01:07:18Oh, blummy.
01:07:19That's a good start.
01:07:20Age 43.
01:07:22Anson well-mannered, sexually backward.
01:07:24Oh, that's him, all right.
01:07:25Doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
01:07:27Hobbies.
01:07:27Reading, walking, playing, bridge and poking.
01:07:30Around antique shops.
01:07:3245 Bulstow Avenue.
01:07:33Occupation.
01:07:33Marriage guidance counsellor.
01:07:35Fancy.
01:07:36Well, I think it's time I did a bit of marriage guiding myself.
01:07:48Hello, Esme.
01:07:49Sydney.
01:07:50You've got a nerve ringing me.
01:07:52I was wondering if you could do me a small favour, darling.
01:07:55No, not that.
01:07:55Could you meet me tonight?
01:07:56Well, I can't.
01:07:57You know how jealous Gripper gets even more so now we're engaged.
01:08:01Engaged?
01:08:02Congratulations.
01:08:02Look, darling, you know I wouldn't bother you unless I was absolutely desperate.
01:08:05Now, go on, please.
01:08:06Well, all right, but as long as you promise to behave.
01:08:09That's a good girl.
01:08:10Meet me outside the Parkway Hotel, 8 o'clock, right?
01:08:12And we're your sexiest see-through.
01:08:15Whatever for?
01:08:16Well, just because I can't touch doesn't mean I can't look, does it?
01:08:18Eh?
01:08:19All right, see you then.
01:08:20Ta-da.
01:08:21Ta-da.
01:08:48All right, Miss Dempsey.
01:08:49I'll go.
01:08:50This is the lady I was expecting.
01:08:52Very good, sir.
01:08:56Ah, Miss Plummet.
01:08:58How nice to see you.
01:08:59Do come in.
01:09:02This is Miss Dempsey, my faithful old housekeeper.
01:09:05Oh, I'm so pleased to meet you, Miss Dempsey.
01:09:08Mr. Snooper has told me how well you look after him.
01:09:11I've always done my best, I'm sure.
01:09:13Oh, treasure.
01:09:14I'd be lost without her.
01:09:15Oh, well, I hope you'll stay on after Percival and I are married, Miss Dempsey.
01:09:21Married?
01:09:24What on earth's the matter with her?
01:09:26Surely you know she's in love with you.
01:09:28In love with me?
01:09:30Of course.
01:09:31You must have felt it on occasions.
01:09:34Certainly not, no.
01:09:36I've never laid a finger on her.
01:09:38Look out for a glass of sherry.
01:09:42Throw me aside like an old worn-out slipper.
01:09:46After all the years I have slaved for him.
01:09:49If I can't have him, nobody else is.
01:09:51If I can prevent it.
01:09:53Ah.
01:09:53Ah.
01:09:54I always knew it would come in useful, wouldn't I?
01:10:01It's a delightful house, Percival.
01:10:04I shall be very happy here.
01:10:06Good.
01:10:07I think you're like the first floor front as your bedroom.
01:10:10You mean we won't be sleeping together then?
01:10:13Oh, good gracious.
01:10:14No, my dear.
01:10:15Why on earth should we, with a house as large as this?
01:10:18Yes, but I think it's a wife's duty to be close to her husband for the warmth and comfort
01:10:24it brings.
01:10:25Oh, you don't want to worry about that.
01:10:27I've got the electric blanket.
01:10:29Oh, how nice.
01:10:30Besides, sharing a bed together, we might be tempted to indulge in carnal pursuits.
01:10:37Rather, yes.
01:10:38And we don't want any of that nonsense, do we?
01:10:42Oh, you're very strong-willed, obviously.
01:10:46But it's a temptation I would find very hard to avoid.
01:10:50Nonsense, my dear.
01:10:51Do as I do.
01:10:52Plenty of exercise.
01:10:54Cold baths every morning and a good dose of salts at night.
01:10:57Oh, cheers.
01:10:59Cheers.
01:11:10Hang on a minute.
01:11:11I've just got to make a quick call.
01:11:12Hey, the cab.
01:11:25Hello.
01:11:26Master's the Jem here.
01:11:31Hold on.
01:11:32Gripper?
01:11:33It's for you.
01:11:34Oh, excuse me.
01:11:36A pleasure.
01:11:43Hello.
01:11:44Gripper Byrne here.
01:11:45This is a friend.
01:11:47I just thought you ought to know.
01:11:49An oversexed nut by the name of Snooper has just lured your fiancé into his house.
01:11:55What?
01:11:55Where?
01:11:57Bulstrode Avenue, 45, and if I was you, I'd get my skates on, quick.
01:12:05I think you'll find this wine amusing.
01:12:08Ah, that'll be Miss Dempsey with the maiden course.
01:12:10She always does something rather special for us.
01:12:12Come in.
01:12:18Miss Dempsey.
01:12:31Miss Dempsey.
01:12:33Yes, what is it, love?
01:12:34I mean, sir.
01:12:37Nothing.
01:12:38Nothing at all.
01:12:38I'll have mine in the kitchen so you two can be alone.
01:12:42It's only fair.
01:12:44What do you mean?
01:12:44You always eat in the kitchen.
01:12:46Oh, yes, that's right.
01:12:47I always eat in the kitchen.
01:12:49Sorry, love.
01:12:50Well, I'll be leaving you now, then.
01:12:54Oh, well, will you want your electric blanket switched on tonight?
01:12:58Well, of course I will.
01:12:59Why shouldn't I?
01:13:00Well, we don't always like it, do we?
01:13:02I mean, do you?
01:13:03What have I said?
01:13:05Miss Dempsey, what are you talking about?
01:13:06I'm sorry.
01:13:08I wouldn't like you to get any ideas about me and Percy.
01:13:11I mean, Mr. Snooper.
01:13:12He's always behaved like the perfect gent with me.
01:13:15Except when we, well, you know.
01:13:20I'm sure he has.
01:13:22Miss Dempsey, what are you saying?
01:13:23I've always been good to you, haven't I?
01:13:25Oh, you have, love.
01:13:26I mean, sir, he has too, more than good.
01:13:30Always gives me a little present afterwards.
01:13:33After I've done something specially nice for him.
01:13:35Miss Dempsey, please.
01:13:38I'd better go before I say something I shouldn't.
01:13:45The woman's demented.
01:13:47Sophia, surely you can't believe there's anything in what she said.
01:13:51Well, I realise Miss Dempsey may be upset by the announcement of our marriage.
01:13:55On the other hand, there's no smoke without fire.
01:13:58And you can't have a fire without it being properly laid.
01:14:03I mean...
01:14:05Well, that should be just about right.
01:14:07What should?
01:14:07Never mind.
01:14:08Now, you know what you've got to do when you get inside?
01:14:09Lay it on good and thick.
01:14:10Oh, Sid, I can't do it.
01:14:12Can you think of a better way of showing Sophie it's not me you're interested in?
01:14:15Very well, then, but don't blame me for what happens.
01:14:17That's a good girl.
01:14:18Come on.
01:14:19Come on.
01:14:27Very well, Percival.
01:14:29I'm willing to accept that there has been nothing between you and Miss Dempsey.
01:14:33She'll have to go, of course.
01:14:35Go?
01:14:36But she's been here for years.
01:14:37She has security and comfort here.
01:14:39She'd never get it anywhere else.
01:14:41Well, she's not getting it here anymore.
01:14:44It's your choice, Percival, her or me.
01:14:47Oh, very well, then.
01:14:48Now, that's settled, then.
01:14:51Come in.
01:14:52There's a woman here to see you.
01:14:55A woman?
01:14:56What woman?
01:14:57Just tell him Pussycat, she said, and he'll know who you mean.
01:15:01Pussycat?
01:15:02I don't know any Pussycats.
01:15:04And you'd better tell her that, because she's waiting in the drawing room.
01:15:07Oh, I don't understand.
01:15:08She must have got the wrong house.
01:15:10Um, excuse me.
01:15:19Madam, I think there's been some mistakes.
01:15:21Oh, Percival.
01:15:22Percival, I'm sorry, my darling.
01:15:23I just had to come.
01:15:24I can't bear it any longer without you.
01:15:26Percival, please try to control yourself.
01:15:28How can you ask me to control myself after all we've been to one another?
01:15:32You who've never shown any control where I'm concerned.
01:15:35What?
01:15:36I need you, Percival.
01:15:38The nights would be, oh, so empty.
01:15:41I don't care how hard you beat me, as long as you love me occasionally.
01:15:45Madam, please keep your voice down.
01:15:47I'll be right up in the house.
01:15:51Look here.
01:15:52I don't know who you are or what you want.
01:15:55What are you doing?
01:15:56I want you to take me.
01:15:57I'm yours.
01:15:58You know it.
01:15:59Take me.
01:16:00But I don't want you.
01:16:01Stop it.
01:16:02Stop it at once.
01:16:02Oh, no, you've found someone else.
01:16:04I know it.
01:16:05I can feel it.
01:16:06Well, stop feeling it.
01:16:07Oh, Percival, how could you desert me like this?
01:16:11What's to become of me, of the baby?
01:16:14The baby?
01:16:15What baby?
01:16:15I don't know any babies.
01:16:17I won't give you up here, I won't.
01:16:19You're mine.
01:16:19You're always in my...
01:16:20Help, Miss Dempsey.
01:16:22Help, Miss Dempsey.
01:16:24Oh, no.
01:16:29You give me crowfoot.
01:16:31You blue face, you pretty beast.
01:16:35No, Sophia, please come back.
01:16:37Get off.
01:16:38No, you don't need help, my darling.
01:16:40You've got me.
01:16:40Get off me.
01:16:42Get off me.
01:16:43No right.
01:16:49Bingo.
01:17:01Where is she?
01:17:02Where is she?
01:17:03If you mean pussycat, in there.
01:17:12You lousy swine, I'll kill you.
01:17:14What are you doing, girl?
01:17:15Mad.
01:17:16I'm mad, all right.
01:17:19Take your hands off him, you great bully.
01:17:21You...
01:17:27Why, Miss Dempsey?
01:17:37Oh, stop!
01:17:39Ah!
01:17:45Ha ha!
01:17:47Ha ha ha!
01:17:47Ha ha ha!
01:17:58What happened? Did you forget something?
01:18:00No, I was just thinking about what you were saying yesterday.
01:18:03And, of course, you're quite right. You can't run the business without me.
01:18:07I thought you were getting married.
01:18:08No.
01:18:09Oh, no. Oh, I'm very glad to hear it.
01:18:13Fancy that. Hey, the old firm, back in business.
01:18:15Well, I think we ought to celebrate. I'll look down to the off-license and get something.
01:18:19Oh.
01:18:23Then the sickle.
01:18:25Yep.
01:18:33Oh.
01:18:35Hello.
01:18:37Mr. Bessop.
01:18:39What are you doing here?
01:18:42Well, actually, I thought it was time I gave you a report on Mr. Bliss.
01:18:45Oh, you're not still following him. Oh, I am sorry. I should have told you to stop.
01:18:50Well, I think you'll find it all been worthwhile.
01:18:53Particularly when you hear whom he was with last night.
01:18:56Oh, I'm sure. Last night?
01:18:59Oh, yes. He met a Miss Esme Crowfoot.
01:19:04Really? Do go on, Mr. Bessop.
01:19:17Sophie! Come and get it!
01:19:22Hey, look. How about that? Champa's?
01:19:24Oh, very nice. May I crack it?
01:19:26Yes, go on. Go here. Here we are.
01:19:27Oh, thank you.
01:19:31Now, what are you going to do that for?
01:19:33You wretch! You rotten swine!
01:19:36Don't think I don't know you sent that poor wretched woman into Mr. Snooper's last night!
01:19:40Well, what if I did? I only did it because I don't want to lose you.
01:19:44Well, you've lost me now, for good.
01:19:45No, no, wait. Wait. I want to marry you.
01:19:48You want to what?
01:19:50Marry you? Well, I mean, that is in time. I don't want to rush you into anything.
01:19:54Oh, all right, all right. Next week, then.
01:19:56You heard that, Mr. Bessop?
01:19:58I've got it down.
01:20:00You won't regret it, Sid. I promise you.
01:20:02I know that, darling.
01:20:04Here, I'll tell you what.
01:20:05Why don't we have a right raving booze up and invite all the couples we've brought happily together?
01:20:09Careful. That's going to cost money.
01:20:10So what? I know if they're in the catering trade, and if we charge him a gimme a head, we
01:20:14might make a few bubbles.
01:20:15Oh, I love you.
01:20:51Ladies and gents, I realize that our marriage has come as a bit of a shock to you all, but
01:20:55I would like you to know that we are delighted to have you share this great day with us, all
01:20:59you blissfully happy couples that we have had the pleasure of bringing together.
01:21:03Just to look around this room and see so many contented, ideally-matched couples is rewarding itself to us for
01:21:08all the trouble that we have been to in your behalf.
01:21:10You, like Sophie and me, have been dead lucky, because you've had the benefit of our expert knowledge and scientific
01:21:16advice.
01:21:17So, I am not asking you only to drink to our health and happiness, but to your own.
01:21:21Cheers.
01:21:22Cheers.
01:21:25Cheers.
01:21:46Here. That's it.
01:21:48What are you on about now?
01:21:49That suit he's wearing.
01:21:51That was the one that was drying in your flat that night.
01:21:55Stop it, Lipper. Don't make a scene.
01:21:56So it was you.
01:21:58Our bloomin' will kill you.
01:22:00What are you talking about? He's gone potty. Don't pay any attention to him, Sophie, darling.
01:22:06I'll deal with you later.
01:22:07You will, will you?
01:22:12Don't you laugh at him, you little squirt.
01:22:17How dare you, you old bag!
01:22:20Oh!
01:22:21Oh!
01:22:21Oh!
01:22:24Oh!
01:22:28Oh!
01:22:29Yeah.
01:22:30Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:22:33Ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:23:12Oh, my God.
01:23:29Keep them coming.
01:24:05Keep them coming.
01:24:30Keep them coming.
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