- 2 days ago
First broadcast 25th March 2000.
Marty is taught the tricks of the after-life, such as how to levitate objects, by an elderly ghost called Wyvern.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Hugh Laurie - Dr. Lawyer
Steven Berkoff - The Mouth
Martin Clunes - Craig Nash
Jessica Hynes - Felia Siderova (as Jessica Stevenson)
Fiona Allen - Lucy English
Melissa Knatchbull - Wendy Gill
Tim Perrin - Three-Piece
Sandy McDade - Karen
Wanda Ventham - Alice Fullcup
Richard Todd - Cecil Waterman
Kate Williams - Mrs. Coles
Philip Bowen - Surgeon
Nathalie Armin - Anaesthetist
Rory McCann - Bouncer
Charlie Higson - Patient with Fits
Marty is taught the tricks of the after-life, such as how to levitate objects, by an elderly ghost called Wyvern.
Bob Mortimer - Jeff Randall
Vic Reeves - Marty Hopkirk
Emilia Fox - Jeannie Hurst
Tom Baker - Professor Wyvern
Hugh Laurie - Dr. Lawyer
Steven Berkoff - The Mouth
Martin Clunes - Craig Nash
Jessica Hynes - Felia Siderova (as Jessica Stevenson)
Fiona Allen - Lucy English
Melissa Knatchbull - Wendy Gill
Tim Perrin - Three-Piece
Sandy McDade - Karen
Wanda Ventham - Alice Fullcup
Richard Todd - Cecil Waterman
Kate Williams - Mrs. Coles
Philip Bowen - Surgeon
Nathalie Armin - Anaesthetist
Rory McCann - Bouncer
Charlie Higson - Patient with Fits
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:21Here's to us.
00:34Oh, God, you make me horny, you little tiger.
00:38If only it didn't have to be so clandestine, Craig.
00:42But, darling, you know if Anne found anything out,
00:47I mean, if she even suspected, it's better this way.
00:51Our little secret.
00:53No one else in the whole world knows we're here.
00:57So come on.
01:02Let's go hunt some big game.
01:15Hello?
01:16Listen to my voice.
01:28Come on, darling.
01:31My elephant gun's loaded and it's ready to go off.
01:51Lucy?
01:55Ah!
01:57Ah!
02:00Ah!
02:01Ah!
02:01Ah!
02:01Ah!
02:03Ah!
02:03Ah!
02:03Ah!
02:04Ah!
02:06Ah!
02:07Ah!
02:07Ah!
02:08Ah!
02:09Ah!
02:09Ah!
02:10Ah!
02:10I don't know.
02:45Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? I'm looking for a Mr. Wyvern. I'm Wyvern, and you must be Mr. Hopkirk. Yes.
02:58Well met, good traveller. Be at peace.
03:04Sit down with me and tell thy tale. Come, join me for a noble feast. Good cheer to thee I
03:13can avail.
03:14My welcome hearthside is thy lease. Enter my home and rest aware.
03:25Mr. Randall, is this after you, please?
03:28No, after you. No, please. No, no, please. Please, you go. Please go in!
03:36Mr. Randall, this is Mr. Three Piece from the casino. Ah, from the casino. Hello there, how do you do?
03:42Jeff Randall, please take a seat.
03:45So, how long have you worked at the casino, Mr. Three... Mr. Um, sorry. Mr. Three Piece? I'm gonna have
03:52difficulty calling you that, you know.
03:53It's my nickname, on account of my size. Like a three-piece suite.
03:58They are very big, aren't they? So, what's your real name?
04:01Percy. Ah, that is a nice name. Percy.
04:06No, it's not. Why do you think I changed it to three-piece?
04:10I don't care what mine is called, as long as it's not a mutant.
04:14Yeah, well, take it from me. Don't call it Percy.
04:19Unless you want him to be persecuted.
04:26Anyway, as I was saying, how long have you worked at the casino?
04:28Nearly ten years. Two as head of security.
04:31Right. And how long has Miss...?
04:33Karen's been there exactly 611 days.
04:36But I only started to notice that money was going missing about a month ago.
04:40Right. You're head of security, so why don't you come front to yourself?
04:44Why do you need to employ me?
04:45Oh, I couldn't do that.
04:47I mean...
04:49It's a bit deadly.
04:50Delicate, Mr Randall. Sounds silly.
04:53But I'll worship the ground she walks on.
04:56A chair she sits in.
04:58Tissue she blows her nose into.
05:00Weigh her eyes or pucker up when she's smiling.
05:03All right. I get the picture. Thanks.
05:04But she doesn't even know I exist.
05:06Except as just a big, scary bloat.
05:09If I was to confront her about any of this, what would my chances be then?
05:13Right. No, I understand.
05:15I think what we need to do is to get someone in the casino working undercover, as it were,
05:19to find out exactly what's going on, right?
05:21So if I could just take some more details.
05:23Blast.
05:24Sorry, Mr Randall, but I think my water's if broken.
05:27Right.
05:29What?
05:31Phelian?
05:31Jeff?
05:32Oh, thank God, Jeannie.
05:34That's it.
05:34Phelian's water's a buzz.
05:35Breathe deep in slowly with that push.
05:37Look, this is three-piece.
05:38Will you look after him?
05:40OK, OK.
05:41She's having a baby.
05:42Come on.
05:43It's all right, Phelian.
05:44It's three-piece, Jeannie.
05:45Will you look after him?
05:46It's OK.
05:47No, I'll take Phelian to the hospital.
05:48All right.
05:48Just take some addresses and details and things.
05:50Don't forget to lock up.
05:51Ow!
05:52She's having a baby!
05:53I can't see you there, lady.
05:54I can't see you there.
05:55I can't see you there.
05:56I can't see you there.
05:59I can't see you there.
06:03You all get the hang of it, Marty.
06:06The trick is believing.
06:07None of this, after all, is real.
06:11No?
06:11No.
06:12I mean, it created all this so that you would feel at home.
06:15But we could just as easily be sitting here.
06:23Or here.
06:25Or here.
06:30But I thought here would be the most comfortable.
06:35And you see me like this.
06:38But this is not what I really look like.
06:42Then what do you really look like?
06:44You don't want to know, Marty.
06:46Believe me.
06:47You don't want to know.
06:51But the thing of it is, you shouldn't be here at all.
06:53You should have gone upstairs.
06:56You were allowed a limited return to the mortal realm.
06:58And you overstayed your welcome.
07:00I know.
07:00Daylight come and I couldn't go home.
07:03Exactly.
07:03Which is why you have been sent to me.
07:06It is my lot to tend to lost sheep.
07:10Let me see now.
07:12You were a private detective in life, were you not?
07:16Yes.
07:16Randall and Hopkirk Security Services.
07:20And after death, you chose to make yourself manifest to your partner, Mr. Randall.
07:25Yes.
07:25Well, I thought if anyone could help me solve my own murder, it would be him.
07:29Yes.
07:29A wise choice.
07:30So now, he alone can see you.
07:32Though there may be others with the gift of seeing.
07:35Those with more innocent eyes.
07:38Animals.
07:39Children.
07:41And the morons.
07:45But what powers do I actually have?
07:47It varies from spirit to spirit.
07:49One's powers as a spectre are linked to the powers you possessed as a mortal.
07:53For example, a great poet in life may have the power to speak unto others in death.
08:00Well, if that's the case, then I should have quite a few powers.
08:05Oh?
08:06Yes.
08:07I was, um, a pretty good singer.
08:13Could have turned pro if I wanted to.
08:15I was a great dancer, particularly tap.
08:21Terrific lover, snappy dresser, and absolutely first-rate cook.
08:25And a man who was full of hot air may be able to create wind.
08:30Hmm?
08:34Don't worry, Fale, you'll be okay.
08:36Are you the father?
08:37No, he lives abroad.
08:38Why do you ask?
08:38I'm afraid there are complications.
08:39We're gonna get her into surgery.
08:41Oh, no, what's new?
08:41Get off there now!
08:42Sorry.
08:55Heartbeat's dropping.
08:57We're losing her!
09:14What's new?
09:16Thank you, Nick.
09:19Oh, you know.
09:22I love you, Nick.
09:22Oh, you're gonna get the phone.
09:27I love you, me too.
09:28I love you, Nick.
09:29Look, Nick.
09:31wouldn't it? Leave something behind when you're gone.
09:39Marty?
09:40Ophelia! Go back!
09:47Marty?
09:48Go back. It isn't time yet. Come on.
10:12We thought we'd lost her. And the baby. But she's a fighter. She'll be fine.
10:19Thanks.
10:29You look tired. Are you all right?
10:31No, I'm not, Jeannie. I think I'm falling apart.
10:36Do you want to talk about it?
10:38Hey, what about that then, eh? Pretty nifty.
10:39Not now, please.
10:40OK, I'm sorry.
10:42No, Jeannie, it's just I do desperately need to talk to you,
10:45but some of the things I need to say to you,
10:47if I told you them, you'd think I was...
10:50Will you just go away, please?
10:52Jeff, don't. You're confusing me. I mean, do you want me to stay or not?
10:56What were you talking about? Were you talking about me, then?
10:58No.
10:59OK, I'll go.
11:00No, Jeannie, please. You just stay there. You go, please.
11:05Well, who?
11:06Just remember, she was my fiancée. You keep your hands to yourself.
11:14Well, I'm glad you're holding up, sis,
11:15but all I'm saying is, Dr. Lawyer is supposed to be the best,
11:18and only the best people go to his clinic.
11:20But I'm not mad, Wendy.
11:22Yeah, well, you'd be mad not to take up my offer.
11:25Look, sometimes when you lose someone you love,
11:27you don't realise until afterwards the stress you've been under.
11:30You try to be brave, you try to cope,
11:32and the next thing you know, you're screaming obscenities in the supermarket
11:35and subscribing to Fruitcake Monthly.
11:38I mean, what harm could it do? You could treat it as a holiday.
11:41My idea for holiday is lying on a beach in the south of France,
11:44not two weeks on a funny farm having electric shock therapy.
11:48Yeah, well, I don't want you to be miserable.
11:50Why not? Why shouldn't I be?
11:54You know, sometimes I dream that he's still alive,
11:56and when I wake up, he's not here.
11:59I wonder whether he's up there somewhere.
12:01Whether he's at peace, happy.
12:05Maybe he's an angel.
12:10That's it. Very good.
12:11Now a little higher, higher, higher.
12:14That's good. You're getting it.
12:18Oh, dear.
12:21I'm not sure I'm up to this.
12:22It was a lot easier when I could pick things up with my hands.
12:25Don't worry.
12:27We'll make a poltergeist of you yet.
12:29Let me see.
12:31Maybe we should try something a little easier.
12:40Right.
12:42Jeannie, I've got something to tell you.
12:44And if I don't get it off my mind, I think my brain's going to explode.
12:48That would be very messy.
12:51Marty's not dead.
12:53Well, he's dead, but I can see him.
12:55I mean, the thing is, Jeannie, Marty is a ghost.
13:01And I can see him, he talks to me, he even helps me.
13:04Am I supposed to laugh or what?
13:06I knew as soon as I said it that you'd think I was crazy.
13:09Jeff, you sound totally insane.
13:11But you've got to believe me, Jeannie.
13:13You know, he's a ghost and only I can see him.
13:15What, and you talk to him?
13:17Yeah.
13:18Well, how is he?
13:20He's absolutely fine.
13:21Well, he's dead, but he's absolutely fine.
13:23It's brilliant, isn't it?
13:24Jeff, do you think that you need to see someone?
13:28Jeannie, I'm just an ordinary bloke whose best friend just happens to be a ghost.
13:39So, is it all sorted at the casino, then?
13:41Yeah.
13:42I've arranged with Three Piece to work as a hostess.
13:45See if I can find out if Karen's really got her fingers in the till.
13:47Yeah, but it should be me, Jeannie.
13:49I shouldn't be here.
13:50Look, it's just for a week, Jeff.
13:52And what harm can it do?
13:54Treat it as a holiday.
13:56Will you be all right in the office on your own?
13:58It's worked out fine.
14:00And let's face it, I needed a job.
14:01I needed to do something.
14:04Yeah, well, Marty will be pleased.
14:06Marty would have been pleased.
14:07I always said I'd look after you if anything ever happened to him.
14:11You?
14:11Look after me?
14:12Yeah.
14:16Hello.
14:17Hi there.
14:18Hello there.
14:18Jeff Randall, how do you do?
14:19You two joining us at the tea?
14:21No, it's just me, actually.
14:23Ah, well, you'll be a new man when you leave here.
14:25You mark my words.
14:27I come here every year for a week, for a top-up.
14:31I'll do the world of good.
14:33Why?
14:40Jeannie, I can't stay here a week with these loonies.
14:43They're not loonies.
14:44They're just idle rich people.
14:46You need a bit of pampering.
14:50Jeff.
14:51Dr. Lawyer.
14:52Welcome to Trilby Park.
14:53Hello there.
14:54And you must be Mrs. Randall.
14:55Well, no, we just work together.
14:57Oh.
14:58Keith, bag.
15:00Right, well, I'll go in then.
15:02Cheerio.
15:03Good luck.
15:05Did you, um, have a good journey?
15:08Yes, sir.
15:14Think of Trilby Park not as a hospital, but as a five-star hotel for the mind, where your emotional,
15:22mental, and, dare I say it, spiritual side can be cosseted, manicured, massaged, and given a nice, gentle workout.
15:30So, now, you settle in and unpack, Jeff, change into your karma suit, and I'll see you for our first
15:36session at five.
15:39You're not the first haunting I've had to deal with.
15:42It's just a little kink in there that needs smoothing out.
15:45In a week's time, I bet you there'll be no figments left in your imagination.
15:49Till later, then.
15:51Thanks.
16:01What am I doing here?
16:03What are you doing here?
16:04Marty.
16:05Don't even ask.
16:06What is this place?
16:08It's, er, it's kind of a health farm.
16:10What are you doing on a health farm? For God's sake, you're the most unhealthy bloke I know.
16:14Maybe, Marty, I just needed a rest, yeah?
16:16A rest?
16:17Ha!
16:18You've only had one case since I died.
16:21Look, why don't you just go and haunt somebody else?
16:25I can't.
16:26You're the only one who can see me, and the further away from you I get, the less power there.
16:30As I have, I get very faint, and then I start to lose my grip on the world.
16:34A little bit like you, Geoff.
16:36Marty, please, will you just leave me alone?
16:40I really don't need you here just at the moment, you know?
16:43Oh!
16:44Well, have you ever considered that I might need you?
16:49Do you know what it's like being dead?
16:52But you can't just keep popping up unannounced all the time.
16:56It could be embarrassing.
16:59Marty.
16:59Yes, I know.
17:01Marty, I know that.
17:02But look, why can't you just think about others for a change?
17:05Hmm.
17:06This is where it all happens.
17:07They come in here rich, and they leave poor.
17:10It's a funny thing, really, isn't it?
17:12What is?
17:13The amount of money it won and lost in here.
17:16Karen.
17:17Little Karen.
17:18My precious Karen.
17:20She's just taking a few pounds.
17:22You're not sure, three piece.
17:24You've no real evidence.
17:25There are discrepancies.
17:27I've been adjusting things myself.
17:29Using my own money.
17:31No one else knows.
17:33Why does she do it?
17:35That's for me to find out now, okay?
17:43Yoo-hoo!
17:44New bar.
17:45Hello there.
17:46Care to join me?
17:47Well, I was...
17:49He's spoken for.
17:51Am I?
17:53Don't be shy.
17:58You sit here next to me.
17:59Oh, right, thank you.
18:00I wasn't sure what the system was.
18:02Hello there.
18:03Still finding your feet.
18:04You watch her.
18:06She'll find more than your feet.
18:08You know why she's here, don't you?
18:12Nymphomania.
18:13Cecil, grow up.
18:14You know Dr. Loy doesn't like us to use terms like that.
18:17Just ignore Cecil.
18:19With a rather lively imagination.
18:21You know why she's here, don't you?
18:21Nymphomania.
18:21Cecil, grow up.
18:21Just ignore Cecil.
18:21I was actually originally treated for MEA.
18:25Morbid erotic addiction.
18:27Right.
18:27And what's that then?
18:30Nymphomania, basically.
18:33All right, thank you.
18:34Thank you very much.
18:37We'll soon settle in.
18:40I'll look after you.
18:41You know, when I'm here,
18:42I almost feel more at home than when I'm at home.
18:45I know what you mean.
18:47I always feel very calm and safe when I'm in here.
18:50You've been here before then, yeah?
18:51This is my third time.
18:52Yeah.
18:53I'm on my fifth.
18:55I arrived last night.
18:56I always feel I'm coping and then something else goes missing.
19:01Cecil suffers from IAS.
19:04Inappropriate Acquisition Syndrome.
19:07Yeah.
19:07I'm a kleptomaniac.
19:09Wouldn't be so bad, but I can never remember where I've put anything I've nicked.
19:18I'd better be running along to see the old witch, Doctor.
19:21Nice meeting you.
19:34Ah, Cecil.
19:36Welcome back.
19:37Ah, thank you, Doctor.
19:38Now.
19:40I believe you have something for me.
19:44You...
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20:30smart sophisticated ghost about town well that sounds more like me good so let's hear what
20:37you've been doing go ahead punk make my day I'll be back Oh Casablanca the block from Casablanca
20:54that really wasn't very good was it no okay now concentrate on me try to do me see human beings
21:02have a natural tendency to see faces in clouds flames really quite random shapes I don't wish
21:11to be rude doctor but I'm not seeing things through flames or faces or little fleeting images I'm seeing
21:17a real person he can walk he can talk he can even blow stuff at me hmm yes but you
21:23see we
21:24must start from the premise that that is impossible Jeff yeah I know but I'm sorry doctor he is real
21:29no he's not no sorry I'm sorry that is the thought that you must keep centered in your mind that
21:36will
21:36be our cornerstone our opening bit right but listen doctor I'm not even sure that I want to stop
21:42believing in well there's the rub already we can see a pattern can we yes I think so his death
21:51was
21:51a great shock to you you so desperately wanted to still be here that you create this fantasy for
21:55yourself that you can see a ghost a ghost that nobody else can see your own special secret you're
22:03gambling manager no not really well I do I do the lottery Wednesdays you know why do you ask I'm
22:09prepared
22:10to bet you a hundred pounds that you'll be cured before the end of your week here is that standard
22:15psychiatric practice doctor to where to have bets with your patients I am NOT a standard psychiatrist Jeff
22:27every day I will strive to improve my skills I will work hard and study hard I want to be
22:35the perfect
22:35ghost and practice makes perfect yeah you see granted I cheated a little that was a small trick but that
22:44is the effect you can have with just a little practice comfortable yes thank you good don't look so
22:59worried this is merely a relaxation machine I'm going to lull you into a state of half sleeping half
23:06waking so that I can gently probe some of your secrets okay doctor let's just do it then please
23:13close your eyes if you want Jeff just slowly let yourself go feel yourself floating relax all your
23:25muscles let your hands go lift your arms your legs your knees you have to believe mr
23:41hobkirk become the other lose yourself you are there and they are you now you're feeling your
23:49breathing getting slower and slower turning to liquid and now I'm going to take you deeper and deeper
24:05are you all right mr. hobkirk yes no I don't know I feel faint and terrible pain in my head
24:23we've had enough of today's lesson
24:27right let's get this straight you tosser there's no such thing as ghosts all right yes good you don't
24:37see ghosts they don't exist is that clear yes you love me you love trilby park you think I'm a
24:46genius don't
24:46you yes you do anything for me wouldn't you wouldn't you wouldn't you wouldn't you yes good now when
25:02you wake up you will of course remember none of this but from the bit about the ghosts obviously all
25:08right
25:11yes good boy
25:24hi Karen you copping all right yeah I'm used to it I used to work as a waitress well you'll
25:30get some big
25:31tips here if they win mostly of course the lose though do you like it here it's okay only meant
25:38to do it
25:38for a few weeks to fill in the scotch please no ice thank you
25:50do you know has he been here before all the time he used to win a lot but not lately
25:55no tips of him
25:57I'm afraid
26:18wakey wakey wakey rise and shine
26:27God I'm so bored how long have you got to stay in this place Jeff I said how long do
26:35you have to stay
26:36yeah we should be out working on a case
26:46Jeff will you please stop ignoring me I've got some new powers to show you watch
27:02there what do you think of that
27:07Jeff will you please stop flaming ignoring me
27:14Jeff
27:17all right Marty for God's sake will you go away you don't even exist of course I exist how do
27:23you think that glass
27:24glass floated up in the air what glass
27:25that one it's not floating Marty not yet watch
27:35you see I was just imagining that Marty
27:37I'm just imagining you
27:39I've created you so that I feel less upset and guilty about your death
27:44really
27:45really feel upset yes I do
27:47really really upset
27:49yes all right Marty I've said it look
27:51I've got a terrible headache and I could really do without you cackling on first thing in the morning
27:55and guilty yes
27:57how guilty very all right
27:59on a scale of one to ten Marty
28:01get out get out you're not real
28:03and I need to get dressed
28:05I go along fine
28:07everything's fine then I'll black out
28:09lose whole days and all I know is
28:12I have to get back here
28:14it's costing me a fortune
28:16but it's worth it
28:18despite the headaches
28:19right but doctor lawyer doesn't actually cure anyone
28:22oh but he does
28:23I used to be terrible
28:25I had countless damaging relationships
28:28with men
28:29well if you can call them relationships
28:32I'm not obsessed with sex anymore
28:35thank God doctor lawyer stopped all that
28:37but now
28:38I have these terrible
28:40irrational violent outbursts
28:44you're looking at me like you don't know whether I'm about to snog you
28:46or rip your heart out
28:50doctor lawyer says we're getting closer to the root of the problem
28:54once you go deeper
28:56it's like peeling an onion
29:02hey
29:03leave it
29:04all right
29:05all right
29:07bloody hell does that sort of thing happen often around here
29:10I've seen it a couple of times before
29:12too much stress and then
29:16it's three o'clock
29:18time for my session
29:28so what would happen if Jeff stopped believing in me
29:32what would happen if your chosen one ceased to believe in you
29:37it has happened before
29:40though it's very rare
29:42and not altogether pleasant
29:43how do you mean
29:44well you'd begin to lose your substance your reason
29:47you'd become a restless wandering spirit
29:50a gibbering phantom a cry on the wind a shriek in the night
29:54but never mind about that
29:56have you been practicing your lessons Mr. Hop
30:00Mr. Hopkirk
30:03Mr. Hopkirk
30:06Marty
30:09Marty
30:09Marty
30:11Jeff
30:12this isn't a health farm it's a mental hospital
30:14no it's a therapeutic center Marty
30:16it's where you can
30:17it's a nut house
30:18what are you doing here have you gone completely mad
30:20you're not crazy
30:22Marty
30:22I am studying now talking to a dead man
30:25but I do exist
30:28prove it then Marty go on prove it
30:30I'm fed up of trying to prove it all the time
30:32why can't you just accept
30:34Marty I'm sorry
30:38well can't expect instant results Jeff
30:41with each session we just hope to get one step closer
30:46so tell me
30:47can you see him now
30:50oh
30:53yes
30:56where is he
30:57he's right next to you doctor
30:58there doctor right next to you
31:00he's just right next to you
31:01he's pulling stupid faces at you
31:03like you're a monkey
31:05hmm
31:08is he
31:08exactly as you remember him
31:11exactly yeah
31:11well let's see what we can do
31:13eh
31:14Jeff I want you to relax for me
31:16begin to drift away
31:18I want you to feel your muscles go all soft and loose
31:22feel your whole body
31:24feel your whole body
31:26go floppy
31:28your eyelids are feeling heavy
31:30ripples of energy are flowing through your skin
31:33you're like a vast ocean
31:37relaxing
31:39ebbing and swelling and relaxing
31:41you're feeling happy
31:43happy
31:43and relaxed
31:45and
31:46and
31:47oh
31:57hi
31:58sorry I'm late
32:00how you doing
32:01I'm nearly ready
32:02can you do me up
32:04oh
32:05I can't wait for my day off
32:07how about you
32:08oh
32:08I just get bored
32:10I don't really have a life outside here anymore
32:12no boyfriend
32:13no well I
32:13oh
32:14er
32:15I needed
32:19Jeannie I needed to talk to you about
32:22something
32:23right
32:24right
32:29well let's get to the important stuff
32:31you don't strike me as a wealthy man Randall
32:34who's paying for your treatment here
32:38Wendy
32:40Wendy
32:41is she any use to me
32:43she's obviously rich
32:44who is Wendy
32:46Jeannie's sister
32:47Jeannie being
32:50the woman that I
32:52work with
32:53ah
32:55and what exactly do you do Randall
32:58private detective
33:00what
33:04ghost
33:07what do you mean private detective
33:09what are you doing here
33:11what do you want to
33:12who really hired you
33:14ghost
33:15oh shut up about ghost
33:17nobody believes in ghost
33:18tell me what you know
33:19ghost
33:20ghost
33:21what do you know
33:22ghost
33:38Bad things, bad things, sad things have to happen.
33:53Bad things, bad things, sad things have to happen sometimes.
34:26Come in, Alice.
34:36I want you to do something for me, Alice.
34:43I know I shouldn't do it. I know it's wrong. I've never done anything like this before I came here
34:50but it was the only way I could get him to notice me.
34:54What? Who?
34:56Percy.
34:58Percy? Well, who's Percy?
35:01He had a security.
35:03Three-piece?
35:05He doesn't even know I exist.
35:09He thought he could catch me if he would.
35:13But wait a minute. So you're doing all this so that three-piece will notice you?
35:29Geoff!
35:36Geoff!
35:37Don't do this again!
35:42Geoff, man, what's he done to you?
35:47What's happening?
35:59Thirty-six. Red.
36:13I can't thank you enough, Jeannie.
36:15If you two would only just talk to each other.
36:17I couldn't.
36:19Well, you can now. God, I feel more like Mary Poppins than Sam Spade.
36:24I mean, look at you, three-piece. You're really just a great big cuddly teddy bear, aren't you?
36:29If there's anything I can ever do for you, Jeannie...
36:32Jeannie, there's a phone call for you.
36:34No.
36:36Three-piece. My phone's word with you.
36:42The thing of it is, Dr. Boyer, the last time we spoke, you owed me 50,000 pounds.
36:53Yes, I know, and I'm trying to sort it out. I thought I could just, you know, win it back.
36:57Shut up!
36:59When I'm talking.
37:02Now, you owe me 250,000 pounds.
37:08Here, look. Take these. Please, take them. They're worth a fortune. I can get more.
37:13I'm working on it. I just need more time.
37:15You haven't any more time. And I, uh, I don't want your trinkets. What I want is your clinic.
37:30No, no, no, no. No, no, you can't. You...
37:34No.
37:35No is a word I don't understand.
37:39But let me tell you a few words that I do understand.
37:44Fracture. Dislocate. Dismember. Eviscerate. Now, shall we come to terms?
38:02Everything all right? I don't know. I've got to go. The cleaner at the office called. She's trapped some kind
38:06of animal.
38:09Oh, Mrs. I wouldn't have rang you. Only I knew he was working nights. And what with Mr. Randall being
38:14in the hospital?
38:15That's all right, Mrs. Cos, but what's going on?
38:17Well, I don't know. Something's got in. Like a dog or something. I've done downstairs, Marshall and Snail Grove.
38:27He was just going in here when I heard it.
38:32Heard it in there. Something moving about.
38:37At first, I thought they might be burglars.
38:40But then, when I looked at the door, it found it couldn't get out. Well, it just went berserk.
38:48Well, that's when I knew it couldn't be a person. It was some sort of wild animal.
38:52I was scared to look.
38:58Shut it! Help!
38:59Lord, it is a person. Open the door!
39:01No, Mrs. House, it's a mad person!
39:02Open the door! He's terrified!
39:05It's all right. Let her go.
39:19It'll take me days to clean this up. Days!
39:24How'd she get in here?
39:41Come!
39:44Ah, sit down.
39:46So, who's he working for? What does he know? What did you find out?
39:50They're investigating a case at the casino.
39:54What case?
39:55I don't know. I was surprised, Dr. Lawyer. I couldn't get out. I panicked. I remember fear. Panic. I couldn't
40:07get out. I remember. All I remember is...
40:13You remember nothing.
40:18As always, nothing.
40:54You must have seen it.
40:59I am sorry about this, Mr. Randall. I've been under a lot of pressure, and I think I may have
41:05gone mad.
41:10What the bloody hell are you playing at? What's going on here?
41:16Perhaps Jeff can tell you. Wake up, Jeff.
41:22Jeff, we have an unwelcome visitor.
41:25Jeff?
41:26Deal with her, would you?
41:28Jeff, are you all right?
41:30I'm afraid he can't hear you. He will only respond to my voice now.
41:35Oh.
41:35Oh, this is much neater. A mentally unbalanced patient, surprised in the night, goes berserk, strangles the poor unfortunate woman,
41:45and then, filled with remorse, hurls himself out of the window.
41:50So, you understand, Jeff? You understand what you have to do? Good. I'll leave you to it, then.
42:04Jeff!
42:07Jeff is me!
42:09Jeff, listen to me! It's Marty! Stop it!
42:13Jeff, what are you doing?
42:15You have to believe, Mr. Hopgag.
42:18What are you doing? Get off me!
42:23Stop it, Jeff!
42:24This is the voice of Dr. Lawyer, and I command you to stop.
42:32Become the other. Lose yourself. You are they, and they are you.
42:38Listen to me, Jeff. Listen to me.
42:59Do as I say.
43:01Right uppercut!
43:05Done!
43:07For God's sake, Dr. Lawyer, is this any way to run a therapeutic center?
43:11I will not be beaten by you.
43:14Awake!
43:15Wake up, all of you. Come out. Come out from your rooms. Listen to me, I command you.
43:22Come to me now, and do as I say. Listen to my voice. These two, these two here, Randall and
43:31the girl, they are here to harm you.
43:33Those two, get rid of them. Rip them to pieces. Tear their arms off.
43:39Well, go on, do it. Get rid of them. Fracture. Dislocate. Dismember. Eviscerate. Destroy them.
43:48Stop. Listen to my voice. Go back. Damn the current enemy.
44:01Stop. That's far enough. Jeff Randall is not your enemy.
44:07Dr. Lawyer is your enemy, and must be stopped for good.
44:12Turn around. And never listen to his voice again.
44:17Right, I see what's happened here. You see, he's doing my voice. Don't listen. Don't listen to my voice.
44:23Do it now. No, listen to me. But don't listen to him being me.
44:28Oh, ignore him.
44:43Jeff! Jeff!
44:46For God's sake, wake up!
44:55Wait. It's all right now.
44:57When I say the word, you will wake up and be completely back to normal.
45:02Oh, and one more thing.
45:04Whenever I say the word, you will believe that Marty Hopkirk is the most fantastic person in the whole world.
45:09And the word is...
45:13Jeff!
45:15Eggbound.
45:17Jeannie, do you fancy a drink?
45:20Yeah.
45:21Great.
45:21I do.
45:22Right.
45:22Let's get out of here.
45:23Marty was a great bloke, wasn't he?
45:25You know, he's a fantastic singer.
45:27It's a pro, I reckon.
45:29Oh, and he's dancing.
45:31Particularly tap.
45:35Oh, isn't he beautiful?
45:38Yes, I'm very pleased he's not a mutant, baby.
45:42I decided to call him Marty after Mr. Hopkirk.
45:46And then I'm going to Latvia to be with his father.
45:49So...
45:49So you'll be leaving us, Fania?
45:50I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
45:52Oh, well, you'll be really difficult to replace, you know.
45:54You've been great.
45:55We'll miss you.
45:56I'll miss you.
45:59Well, if all this has taught me anything, Jeannie,
46:01it's that I'm not mad.
46:02No.
46:03You won't try and pretend that you see Marty's ghost anymore,
46:06will you?
46:07No, never.
46:08No, I'll put all that behind me.
46:09So maybe Dr. Lawyer did do some good?
46:11Yeah, the crazy fool.
46:13Maybe he did.
46:17Well, that all worked out well in the end, short arse.
46:20Marty, don't call me that.
46:21You're not such a perfect physical specimen yourself, you know.
46:24You're...
46:24Eggbound.
46:25Tall.
46:27Handsome.
46:28Debonair.
46:29Oh, Marty, stop it.
46:30You've just been a bugger.
46:31You've just been a bugger.
46:33God-like, virile,
46:35sport,
46:36promise,
46:37eggbound, eggbound, eggbound, eggbound, eggbound, eggbound, eggbound, eggbound.
46:40Marty, no, please!
46:42Ah, stop it!
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