- 2 days ago
First broadcast 4th December 1970.
Kayo Hathaway created a wildly successful comic strip featuring "Bad Bad Jo Jo", a murderous hulking white racist, and his cackling mother.
Roy Dotrice - Kayo Hathaway
Richard Pendrey - Frank Jones
Ian Trigger - Dennis
Kayo Hathaway created a wildly successful comic strip featuring "Bad Bad Jo Jo", a murderous hulking white racist, and his cackling mother.
Roy Dotrice - Kayo Hathaway
Richard Pendrey - Frank Jones
Ian Trigger - Dennis
Category
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TVTranscript
00:07Hello?
00:14Hello?
00:39Hello.
00:41Hello.
00:45Hello? Hello?
01:00Roberta? Kale? Was that you?
01:04Did you phone me? Just now?
01:07Well, I was having the most ghastly nightmare and suddenly the phone rang.
01:11Well, who could it have been? It must have been Milt.
01:14Oh, I felt sure it would have been you.
01:16I felt sure you'd be phoning to hash over last night.
01:21Oh, I loathed it, Roberta.
01:23And when I think it was my own farewell party, I'm so depressed.
01:28Do you know what I discovered last night?
01:32Well, for heaven's sake, you're not in the bathtub, are you?
01:34Well, then you can surely listen to me for a minute, dammit, can't you?
01:37Now, listen, Roberta, do you know what I discovered last night?
01:41I discovered that most of my so-called friends are sycophants.
01:45Thank you, do not include me.
01:47No, of course, it doesn't include you, darling. You're not a friend.
01:51Sweet Jesus, no. You're an arm, a vital organ, a part of me.
01:57I breathe through you, you silly, tiresome pussy.
02:01But the others, Roberta.
02:03Now, can you name a one who would have been there last night
02:05if I had been someone other than K.O. Hathaway, creator of Bad Bad Jojo?
02:10All right, darling, you don't have to try.
02:14If it weren't for the fact that my Jojo books are in every drugstore
02:17and my name in lights across half the movie theaters of the world,
02:21that room would have been empty last night.
02:24You know, Hesketh was right.
02:26He said that Bad Bad Jojo made James Bond seem as heavy-handed
02:31and as old-fashioned as Sherlock Holmes.
02:34And I must say he's right.
02:36You know, the idea still kills me, darling.
02:39This dreadful little saint of a woman
02:41and this ghastly monster of a son running through the world like a dose of salt.
02:47It really is extremely funny.
02:49Bad Bad, says Mama, as Jojo slaughters 22 communists before breakfast.
02:55And yet, do you know what Hesketh said to me last night?
02:59Well, he said, K.O., he said,
03:02If you hadn't been born with such a genius for trivia,
03:07you might have been a real writer.
03:09Oh, he's vicious, that Hesketh.
03:11But then, of course, so are they all.
03:13Oh, I had quite a sobering moment last night on my way home
03:16in the solitary splendor of my Cary Cadillac.
03:19K.O., said I, you are completely alone.
03:22Completely.
03:24So, you see, Roberta, darling, I should be no more alone in Switzerland
03:26than I am in America.
03:28Oh, Christ, there's the elevator.
03:30Now, who can that be?
03:31What time is it?
03:32Is it?
03:33Well, I'm not expecting anybody, am I?
03:35No, no, don't you dare.
03:37Don't you hang up until I find out who this is.
03:40Now, Roberta, you didn't, uh, fix an appointment for me.
03:43Did you and forget to write in the book?
03:46Oh, it's, uh, it's okay.
03:47I've remembered who it is.
03:48Yes, it's someone who's coming to interview me from a fan magazine.
03:53Well, it's not silver screen and it's not, uh, photo play, but it's one of those.
03:58Harris, who is it?
04:01Two young men.
04:02No, I will not see two.
04:04My appointment is with one.
04:05Send one up.
04:08No, no, no, look, you can stay and chat with me, can't you, till my young man arrives?
04:12You know I hate to be completely alone.
04:15Well, why can't you?
04:17Oh, there goes my other line.
04:18Well, apparently someone wants to talk to me.
04:21Goodbye.
04:22You hideous, selfish bitch.
04:25Hello?
04:26Oh, Milt, now look, what is happening?
04:31Uh-huh.
04:32Well, here's my answer.
04:34If, if she wants more than 10%, she'll have to get it from the producers.
04:39Well, look, you call me back and tell me what she says.
04:41I have to go now, Milt, because I'm being ruled to a perfectly delightful young man who has come to
04:48interview me from a fan magazine.
04:50And he has promised not to ask any questions about the burning issues of the day.
04:54Isn't that charming?
04:55All I've got to do, apparently, is to tell whether or not I sleep in the raw.
05:00Are you titillated?
05:02No, no, no, no, you just, uh, hang on for a minute while I ask my guest to make himself
05:06a drink.
05:07Dear guest, how are you?
05:08Well, I'm shaking hands with K.O. Hathaway.
05:12Well, am I ever impressed, Mr. Hathaway?
05:15Yes, you do admire me, don't you?
05:17Oh, I love you for being so forthright about it.
05:20How ingenious.
05:21Milt!
05:22You were clicking me.
05:23Well, don't you ever dare.
05:25Don't you ever dare click me.
05:27Look, just hang on.
05:29Dear guest, go to the bar and make yourself a drink, will you?
05:32Well, now, uh, do help yourself.
05:34And apart from offering you a drink and encouraging you to, uh, replenish it at your discretion as the visit
05:41wears on,
05:41I will do nothing whatsoever to make you feel at ease.
05:44Now, if you are still foolish enough to be nervous in the presence of my enormous celebrity, that's your own
05:49lookout.
05:50There's simply no relief for such obtuseness.
05:52You know, I just knew you'd be, well, down to earth and all, sir.
05:57Down to what?
05:58Down to earth.
06:00Hmm.
06:00Well, do look around, won't you?
06:02Milt, have you checked on those Swiss bank accounts?
06:05Uh-huh.
06:06What kind of interest do they give?
06:10Uh, you call that interest?
06:13Well, if you think that...
06:14Oh, Christ!
06:15I just had the most god-awful thought.
06:17Are those Swiss bank accounts insured?
06:19Yes, but by whom?
06:21Oh, that's just fine and dandy.
06:24And what happens to me if Switzerland falls?
06:27Well, use that noddle, Milt. Earn that fee.
06:34Yes, I did tell you to look around, didn't I?
06:36Oh, gosh, Mr. Hathaway.
06:38I hope I didn't take any, you know, like, golly liberties.
06:41It's just, wow, I'm so nervous anyway.
06:43Yeah, ma'am, there are three words in the American language which I abhor.
06:47They are gosh, wow, and golly.
06:49You have already exceeded your quota in each of them.
06:52I just knew you'd have a sense of humor, sir.
06:54That's where you cheapen yourself. I have none whatever.
06:58Now proceed with your question, Mr.
07:00What did you say your name was?
07:01Frank Jones.
07:03Frank Jones. I shall call you Frank.
07:06Proceed with your questions, Frank.
07:17Now, sir.
07:19Hmm?
07:19What do you think of the young people today?
07:24You're kidding.
07:26I guess that sounded kind of dumb, huh?
07:28Is that your second question?
07:29I guess it did. G, Mr. Hathaway.
07:31You remember what I said just now about gosh, wow, and golly.
07:34It also applies to G.
07:36Right.
07:37I think.
07:38You see, I just thought I'd ask your opinions about various subjects because I thought it'd
07:42be too impertinent to ask really personal questions.
07:45Oh, but I adore personal questions.
07:51Well, why don't you ask me why I'm leaving the country?
07:54Why are you leaving the country?
07:55That's a good question.
07:57To beat the income tax, put that in your article.
08:00I am sick, sick, sick of supporting that endless, outrageously expensive tedium in Southeast Asia.
08:07And I'm not a peacenik either, are you?
08:09Me? Oh, no, sir, not at all.
08:11No, no, I should hope not.
08:13The only reason I'm against the war is because it is so expensive.
08:16Last week, some little pseudo-intellectual with a hideous complexion came to me and said he'd heard I was against
08:23the war.
08:24And could he ask me some questions?
08:25Oh, the first was a classic.
08:27He deplored, he said, the fact that while Jean-Paul Sartre had gone to jail over the Algerian question,
08:33that no distinguished American author as yet had made such a bold stand against our own country's atrocities in Vietnam.
08:42And could I tell him why?
08:45Well, I was being baited, of course, and I knew it.
08:48Young man, I said, why haven't you taken your burning question to Tennessee Williams or Edward Alvey?
08:54Hey, that was great. What'd he say?
08:56Well, of course, he said, because my films had such a vast audience and that I was the, uh, something
09:02is something in the word.
09:04Oh, the king of camp, I think he said. And of course, he's right. The public adores bloodshed and camp
09:13because the public is a bloody camp.
09:15And that's what I give them. I give them themselves. I give them bad, bad Jojo and his mother. Warm
09:21hearted murderers.
09:23Wowee. Excuse me, Mr. Hathaway, but like wow.
09:26Like wow.
09:27That's fabulous. Do you really believe that the public is bloodthirsty?
09:32Well, surely that's been established by now, hasn't it? The impotent are always obsessed with murder and the public is
09:39impotent. Hmm?
09:40Well, let me explain. You see, the public is made up of a large number of individual persons who do
09:49not like or respect or trust each other.
09:52Therefore, the public has no solidarity. And solidarity is its only par. Ergo, the public is impotent. It literally can't
10:04get it up anymore.
10:07Hence, it amuses itself with bloodshed, making me a very rich man. The only responsibility I accept is to amuse,
10:15titillate, and astonish.
10:17And for one purpose only, to keep that lovely green river flowing across the box offices of the world into
10:24my pocket.
10:27If I am able to give the poor, doomed public one moment's comic relief from both the anti-communist and
10:36the anti-anti-communist,
10:38or they're both as tiresome as each other, you know, then I feel perhaps I shall have earned one tiny
10:44gold star in heaven.
10:45Right. Right.
10:47Who knows? If I were lazy or poor or utterly talentless, I might be a communist myself.
10:53Except that my intelligence, meager though it may be, is sufficiently adequate to understand one simple natural law.
11:00Namely, that nothing in this world is free. You get what you give.
11:04Oh?
11:07You get what you give. You know, that's very interesting, Mr. Hathaway. That's something I'd like to hear a lot
11:12more about, sir. You get what you give.
11:14Why are you writing that down?
11:17Well, sir, frankly, it's just the sort of thing I'd hate to forget. Tell me, do you really believe it's
11:21true?
11:22Well, of course I do, but I can't understand why you're so impressed.
11:25Oh, but I am. You see, a person in your position obviously has some key, some personal philosophy that makes
11:32him so successful.
11:34Frankly, that's just what the readers like to know about. And me, too, sir. I like to know about that,
11:38too.
11:39Now, you tell me your name was Frank, right?
11:43Yes, sir. Frank Jones.
11:45Mm-hmm. Frank.
11:48Yes, sir?
11:49Tell me, Frank, why are you acting at being such a fool?
11:57We...
11:57Boy, did you ever hit the old nail right on the head that time, Mr. Hathaway? I am a fool.
12:02My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, but you are agreeable.
12:08Agreeable? Well, if you want to know the honest-to-God truth, sir, I'm not agreeable. Not at all. I
12:12mean, not usually.
12:13It's just that, well, like, listening to you talk is like listening to my own thoughts. You...
12:18Everything you say, Mr. Hathaway, is right on the old button. You know what I mean?
12:23Mm-hmm. I see. Now, you said you were from which magazine, Frank?
12:27Uh, Image.
12:28Image, eh? Oh, Image. And tell me, why does Image want to interview me, Frank? I'm not even pretty.
12:34But you're so famous, sir. You, you must know all about the big Hollywood stars.
12:37Frank, you haven't uttered one interesting word since you came in here.
12:41Yeah. And yet, you know, you have me absolutely fascinated.
12:51We shouldn't be talking about me, sir. I'm so boring.
12:53Frank, what is it you want of me? Hmm? You know what I mean? Apart from the silly interview.
13:02Want? Yes, want. Well, sir, it...
13:08Just that I was so fantastically interested a while ago when you made that comment about the public being bloodthirsty.
13:15You see, anything to do with murder is fascinating to me.
13:18Could you get me three fingers of scotch with just a tiniest splash of soda, no ice?
13:22Sure.
13:26Well, we... Can't believe it. I'm making a drink for K.O. Hathaway.
13:33Frank, your hand is shaking.
13:35Well, it's just that I'm so mad at myself, sir, about saying all those dumb things. You know, and gee
13:40this and golly that.
13:42Oh, God.
13:43What is it, sir?
13:45I've just had the most dreadful thought.
13:48I've allowed you to stay here because, you know, I thought there might be something faintly interesting about you.
13:55But what? Oh, God.
13:57What am I going to do if it turns out that you're just as hopelessly dreary as you appear to
14:02be?
14:03Yeah, well, you know, Frank, I mean, the thought is enough to make me gasp.
14:06I'm sorry, Mr. Hathaway. I really am sorry.
14:08The one thing I find extremely tedious is the constant apology. Could we dispense with it?
14:13Sure, right. Absolutely. You see, it's just that I know what rotten company I am, sir, and I'm sorry that...
14:20Gee, there I go apologizing again. I'm sorry, Mr. Gee, again.
14:23Well, let's change the subject, shall we? Back to the interview.
14:26Yeah, fine. Fine. Right. Absolutely.
14:29And now, about that statement of personal philosophy, I have it right here.
14:36You get what you give. Tell me, sir, does that idea ever bother you?
14:40What the hell are you talking about? Does the idea ever bother me? It's made me rich and famous, you
14:46fool.
14:47You see, you get what you give. You see, I thought that if what you gave the world were these
14:53wonderfully campy murders,
14:56that I thought you'd be afraid that what the world would give back would be, well, that...
15:01Well, sir, have you ever been worried about being murdered in some wonderfully campy way?
15:07My, my, my. Whoopee, goodness sakes, and hibbity-bibbity-bobbity-zip. You have come through with one original thought.
15:18Oh, I bet you've got all kinds of ideas tucked away up there, haven't you?
15:25Oh, God, have I ever made a fool of myself. It's just being around someone of your fantastic statutes...
15:30Well, of course, I did warn you at the outset, there'd be very little I could do to reduce that
15:34barrier.
15:39Yeah, well, I guess there's nothing left for me to do but, like, leave after having messed everything up so
15:44complete...
15:46Now, do you want something to eat?
15:47I really do disgust myself.
15:48You know you're getting fed.
15:56There's a good boy. Oh, he's such a good boy.
16:00Oh, gosh.
16:03Oh, oh, golly.
16:05I can't go down there now, sir. He'll never forgive me.
16:08Who will never forgive you for what?
16:10Well, it's his friend, you see. He's down in the lobby. He's waiting down there, and...
16:13I don't know if I'll be able to face him after having loused everything up so completely.
16:16Oh, come now, you haven't acquitted yourself quite as shabbily as all that, and even if you have, the marks
16:22of it are not tattooed on your face.
16:25You could lie, couldn't you? Pretend you'd been brilliant.
16:28Well, you don't understand, sir. I... I promised him.
16:30Promised who what?
16:33Well...
16:34Well, you see, it's... it's this, sir.
16:37I have this friend, and... well, his name's Dennis, and he's a wonderful kind of... well, goofy, marvelous little guy,
16:43and he's just as hung up on you as I am, sir, and he wondered if maybe you wouldn't say
16:47hi to him.
16:50Hi?
16:51I guess that sounds like pretty repulsive kid stuff, right?
16:55Where is he?
16:57You mean you're gonna let him come up?
16:58Well, of course, dear heaven, I thought you were gonna ask for an arm or an eye-tooth.
17:03Oh, no, nothing like that, sir. You have no idea what this is gonna mean to Dennis.
17:07I have a fair idea.
17:08Oh, no, you don't.
17:10Hello, Harris. There's a young man down there. Send him up, will you?
17:13Mr. Hathaway, you're gonna make two unimportant little guys awful happy this afternoon, honest, sir.
17:19Well, perhaps you'd like to know why I'm bothering.
17:21Well, if you'd like to tell me, I'd love to hear.
17:25Sheer curiosity. I'm wondering if your friend can be half as disgusting as you are.
17:33That's fabulous.
17:34Yes, I thought you'd like that.
17:35It's fantastic. You know, whatever you're thinking, Mr. Hathaway, you just come right out with it.
17:39Come right out? Why don't you get down on your knees to me? That's what you really... My God, he's
17:42doing it.
17:43Look, I order you not to lick my feet. I have a weak stomach.
17:47Get up.
17:49Hey, can I let Dennis in?
17:50Yes, please do.
17:52Hey, come on in, Dennis. Come on in and meet the greatest guy in the world, Mr. K.O. Hathaway.
17:58Mr. Hathaway, this is Dennis.
18:00Oh, Mr. Hathaway. Oh. Oh, I'm dumbfounded. Oh, I'm absolutely nonplussed and stupefied.
18:10You see, I've got this whole speech prepared and I'm... Oh, I'm just too flabbergasted. Oh. Oh, what can I
18:16say except... Gosh.
18:19Well, you might have tried, gee whiz. Frank. Did you ask him?
18:24You mean if... Oh, Dennis, I didn't have enough nerve, I'd...
18:27Well, well, I'm going to blurt it right out. Mr. Hathaway, we want to show you our act.
18:34Oh, no, no, not because we think it's any good or anything, but...
18:37Well, it'd be our little present to you who've given the world so much.
18:42Okay. You see, I do this imitation of Mama, hmm?
18:48And he does Bad Bad Jojo. Oh, Mama and Bad Bad.
18:52And our friends think we're very funny, so... Oh, could we?
18:55Well, yes. Yes, I'd like to see that.
19:00Mr. Hathaway? Oh, you want me to sit here?
19:02Here.
19:06Well, now.
19:13Here we are.
19:19Now, isn't that funny? Hmm? Isn't that funny?
19:28Yes.
19:30Good afternoon, Mr. Hathaway.
19:32Has my Jojo been bothering you something awful?
19:35Oh, he can be a real nuisance, and don't I know it.
19:38But he's good-hearted. Hmm-hmm.
19:42There's nothing Jojo wouldn't do for a friend.
19:45Or his mama.
19:47Or his country. Or God.
19:49Them four. Mama, God, country, and friend.
19:54Hmm-hmm. Why, Jojo knew the Pledge of Allegiance when he was three.
19:59Hmm-hmm. Oh, I was so proud.
20:04Say it for Mr. Hathaway, Jojo.
20:07I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. Go on.
20:12And to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God,
20:16with liberty and justice for all.
20:19Hmm-hmm.
20:20Liberty and justice for all.
20:24Except?
20:25Except.
20:27Commies, and hippies, and niggers, and peace creeps, and faggots.
20:36And sympathizers. You always forget the sympathizers. And they're the worst of all.
20:43Oh, how nice. Thank you, Mr. Hathaway. A cup of tea would be ever so nice.
20:48Or whiskey, if it's easier.
20:50Yes, I think a cup of whiskey would be lovely.
20:53Amused me enormously. You truly have, but I really think that...
20:56Oh, now, don't you go fretting yourself about time, honey.
20:59Why, I've got all the time in the world.
21:02Jojo, bring your mommy a nice warm cup of scotch.
21:06She feels a chill.
21:07Look, I really am very serious about this.
21:09Hmm? What is it, son? Is it your watch that's bothering you?
21:12What's the matter with it? Does it itch?
21:15Now, you're forcing me to be heavy-handed.
21:17Let me see that watch, son. Oh, thank you, darling.
21:26Hand it to Mama. Hmm?
21:30Eh, Jojo, bring me that watch Mr. Hathaway's got on his wrist.
21:36Mr. Hathaway doesn't know what a temper it puts Mama into,
21:41having one of her boys go disobedient on her like that.
21:45I think he ought to have a smart little slap.
21:48Now, look here, what do you think you're...
21:50Hmm, hmm, hmm. Oh, son.
21:54How dare... How dare you? Hmm?
21:56You're not from the magazine at all, are you?
21:59You're nothing...
22:00Nothing but a watch, honey.
22:02Oh, goodness, now, I know what's bothering Mr. Hathaway, Jojo.
22:06He thinks you're a robber. Hmm?
22:09He thinks we've come here to steal his watch.
22:13Why don't you boys take what you want and leave?
22:16You see, you see, I was right.
22:18Here, Jojo, take this watch and throw it out of the window.
22:28Hmm. Now he'll know we're here in good faith.
22:32What... What is it you want of me?
22:35Do you know what I think, Jojo?
22:38I think Mr. Hathaway's a comic. Hmm.
22:43I've heard something funny the minute I come in here. Hmm.
22:47What do you suppose he'd created characters like us for in the first place?
22:51Why, he's just trying to make fools of the plain, honest folks
22:55that tries to rid this little old world of the Reds.
22:58Well, I won't stand for it.
23:01Now, okay, mister, now, I'm giving you a fair and square deal.
23:07Are you a comic? Hmm?
23:10The telephone, you see, he's trying to change the subject.
23:13Now, Jojo, pull that cord out of here.
23:17Hmm.
23:20Harris! Harris!
23:28Here, sir.
23:29Put this on.
23:34Oh, these are wonderful things, Mr. Hathaway.
23:40Jojo thought of it.
23:42Mama, he said,
23:44if we put these on at Mr. Hathaway's,
23:47we won't get any on us.
23:49Now, wasn't that clever? Hmm?
23:52Now, see, here.
23:53I'm a very rich and powerful man.
23:55You can't get away with whatever it is you're planning to do.
23:58But if you...
23:59If you stop now,
24:00you can have anything.
24:01Anything you want.
24:02Look, I can also tell you,
24:04I do have an appreciation of this kind of wit.
24:07It's a maniacal gorse,
24:10but it's also very clever and stimulating.
24:13And if you...
24:13Please!
24:14For Christ's sake, stop!
24:16Oh!
24:17Oh, Sam,
24:19we couldn't stop now.
24:21Okay.
24:25We just couldn't.
24:27Why,
24:29if Jojo and me was to quit,
24:31right in the middle of a commitment,
24:34we'd never be able to show our own pieces then.
24:38Please!
24:39Please!
24:39Please!
24:40Please!
24:42Please!
24:48Metro!
25:00Thank you so much andgamist,
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