- 2 days ago
First broadcast 20th September 2013.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Phill Jupitus
Katherine Ryan
Josh Widdicombe
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Phill Jupitus
Katherine Ryan
Josh Widdicombe
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening.
00:02Welcome to QI, where tonight we're cavorting with the K-folk.
00:07Please welcome the kind-hearted Catherine Ryan.
00:14The keen-eyed Josh Widdicombe.
00:21The king-sized Phil Jupiters.
00:27And kiss my keister, if it isn't Alan Davis.
00:36And tonight the buzzers have a story to tell.
00:41Catherine goes.
00:44Josh goes.
00:48Phil goes.
00:51And Alan goes.
01:03I hope you were sitting the right side of the branch, Alan.
01:06So, we start in the Kalahari, so tell me, how did the meerkat cross the road?
01:11Carefully. That's not a life-size one, is it?
01:14That's not a, well, it is a life-size one.
01:16I'd say it was in the foreground, except there's a bit of road before it.
01:19Yes, it's confusing, isn't it?
01:20It's just a very tiny car.
01:22It's a big car.
01:23Do they cross in a group?
01:25Like, like, you know when you see those kids in the reflective jackets?
01:29Yes.
01:30Snaking across the road with some sort of handler.
01:33I think that's what children have.
01:35Well, meerkats are, despite their cutesy-cutesy reputation, they're pretty mean, fierce animals, and they have levels of superiority, and
01:44the leading meerkat sends across the less important meerkat to test the road.
01:50Amazing.
01:51And it's the youngster.
01:53And it's the youngster.
01:53Do you want me to test it tonight?
01:54Do you want me to test it tonight?
01:55It's your first time, you have to cross the set.
02:00It's the youngster.
02:02It's the youngster.
02:15It's the youngster.
02:20It's the youngster.
02:27Yeah.
02:27It'll all be fine
02:29Aren't the tiny meerkats wearing high-vis jackets like human children do or do they just rely on their own
02:35gorgeousness?
02:36I think they rely on their own gorgeousness, but the leading the sort of head not exactly you see you're
02:42going ah
02:43I don't try to see that one at the bottom's chances if that's right
02:49Just about to do that
02:52You have alpha females with meerkats and in fact they kill each other's children what yes
02:58They're pretty nasty animals when it comes to it. I'm afraid. They're not very nice at all
03:03They're child murders to be perfectly honest. Here are three young meerkats crossing the blue
03:11Two have spotted the vehicle
03:18I'm sorry
03:20Barry did not
03:24Unfortunately because of the adverts a lot of people have bought them as pets and
03:29They very soon abandoned them because they're smelly. They're aggressive and they attack people
03:34Yeah, but you know what these people have never died crossing a road
03:39Always worried that someone's about to kick them in the knackers
03:43Did you have that look to it?
03:46It looks like someone's about to take a free kick, doesn't it?
03:51The only thing that could make that picture even more gorgeous would be three tiny pianos
03:58Meerkats know each other by their calls individually and you can send a meerkat almost insane by recording one meerkat's
04:05voice that it knows
04:06Playing it in a certain area and then whizzing around to another area and playing it again
04:10Why would you do that such a thing?
04:12It's very mean
04:13But they get utterly baffled by the fact
04:16Barry!
04:17How can you be in two places at once?
04:20There is no meerkat called Barry by the way, but isn't it?
04:23You could do that with a human voice because we recognize everyone through their voices as well
04:28True, but we also know about recordings
04:30Oh
04:33That's a good
04:34That's probably
04:35Yes
04:35Maybe you don't
04:37There was a time and only one person knew about recordings
04:39So
04:40Well there you go
04:42The meerkat road safety code is to send the kids across first
04:47Now Alan, why will you never eat my noodles?
04:53It was bound to happen that this show would just become about you two
04:59Just haven't agreed on a fee
05:01Yeah
05:01Do you remember if you were involving people from countries beginning with K?
05:07Kenya
05:07Which have a particular association perhaps with noodles
05:10Kent
05:11Kent
05:14Famous for the Kentish pastor
05:17Go East
05:18Korea
05:20Korea
05:20Thank you Josh
05:22In Korea
05:23Noodles of course are very popular
05:25Of course
05:26And when will I eat your noodles means
05:28When are you getting married?
05:30In other words when you're going to be throwing a party in which you will serve noodles
05:34So it's just a Korean phrase it's like saying when you're going to tie the knot
05:38When am I going to eat your noodles?
05:40Well you're already married so I'm not going to eat your noodles
05:42And you didn't invite me to
05:43I did invite you
05:44Oh you didn't know it
05:44That's right
05:48I was abroad
05:49I was abroad
05:52I was abroad
05:52Yeah you were doing
05:52You were filming an episode of Bones
05:54Yeah
05:54I was a bit so insulted in my life
05:59I'm so sorry
06:01I'm so
06:01Oh god how embarrassing
06:03I'm so sorry
06:04Anyway
06:05That's what it means
06:06Here's some other Korean phrases
06:07The other man's rice cake always looks bigger
06:11What?
06:12What?
06:12There's a British equivalent of that
06:14Oh the grass is always greener
06:15Oh as my uncle you'd say the other man's ass is always cleaner
06:20If there are too many ferrymen on a boat
06:23It will sail up a mountain
06:26Is that just literal?
06:28Well the other thing
06:28It's wrong
06:29Maybe
06:30If they say that in North Korea
06:32The boat is going up
06:33That's true
06:34Too many cooks spoil the broth
06:36Too many cocks
06:37Too many cooks spoil the broth
06:39Too many cooks spoil the broth
06:43So Stephen
06:45Tell me about your childhood
06:47Okay
06:48Here's one
06:49Pummeling a dead monk
06:56If you've got erectile dysfunction you're pummeling the dead monk
07:01It's clogging the dead horse
07:03It's criticising an enemy who's already defeated
07:05It's a useless exercise
07:06Yes
07:06So he worked as if he were tending the grave of his wife's uncle
07:12That's brilliant
07:13What would that mean?
07:15I might start using that
07:16Not much
07:17Yes
07:18Yes is the answer
07:19Because in Korea
07:20It is your duty to tend the graves of your family
07:24But the more distant the family the less attention you give the grave
07:28So all he was doing was just basically sprinkling a little bit of water on the
07:33It's only his wife's uncle
07:34Whereas his grandfather his father or his mother
07:36He'd be putting flowers and being with great attention
07:38So that's what that means
07:39So like shagging the dog
07:41Not really
07:43Not really
07:44Not really Catherine
07:44Is there something you want to share with us?
07:46Right?
07:47Shagging the dog
07:48Yeah, like if you don't work very hard you're just shagging the dog
07:53Not in this country madam
07:57This country when we shag a dog we know what we're doing
08:01That is pretty hard work
08:04It's not as easy as it looks I'll tell you that
08:07So in Canada you have the phrase shagging the dog
08:10Yeah
08:11Wow
08:13Or like shagging the sheep if you want
08:15Or whatever
08:16That's not false
08:18Again
08:18Again, perfectly common practice over here but not
08:21Not considered a light or unburdensome task
08:24It just means like having an easy day
08:29There's a lot that I have to learn about
08:30There's a lot that I have to learn about Canada
08:32It's easy because with like a lady you have to take her out to dinner or woo her a bit
08:37But with the dog it's just like
08:38Here boy, come on
08:40You say that?
08:42I don't know
08:42You say that?
08:43I don't know
08:45I'll just tell you what's here
08:46Most of the work is still to be done in that situation
08:49Yes
08:50I'm thinking it's
08:51Oh let's move on
08:53So you wouldn't notice even if a friend at the same table died
08:58What can that mean?
09:00The food was delicious
09:02Absolutely spot on
09:05Well done
09:09The food was so damn good that even if a friend died at the table you wouldn't notice because you
09:13would just constate
09:14Brilliant, well done
09:15That's pretty classy
09:17That is classy isn't it?
09:18Someone dies at the table you go
09:19Can I say dessert man?
09:22That's how good it was
09:23My eyebrows are on fire
09:26I can hardly believe what I've seen
09:29Mmm
09:29No?
09:31Is it fire?
09:32Help me, I'm burning
09:33That is yes
09:34I'm in a really desperate situation
09:36Yeah?
09:36Yeah, I'm in a desperate situation
09:38Showing off your wrinkles to a silkworm
09:42Have you found a silkworm in your underpants?
09:48Silkworms are pretty wrinkly
09:50Oh
09:50So if you show your wrinkles to a silkworm
09:53He's going to go
09:54Nah, I can do better than that
09:55So it's like teaching your grandmother to suck eggs
09:58Oh
09:58It's
09:59Imagine how wrinkly a silkworm's knackers are
10:03Exactly
10:03And finally he disappeared like a fart through hemp pyjamas
10:12I think that one speaks for itself
10:15It's a Korean phrase
10:17Awkwardly
10:18Basically
10:19Embarrassingly
10:20Awkwardly
10:21Not with maximum grace
10:23Now
10:23Who are these men and what did they have for breakfast?
10:28The guy
10:29Oh
10:29There, front left
10:31Yes
10:31He looks like he's having a calippo for breakfast
10:36He does
10:38He does
10:38Very early calippo commercial
10:40Very early calippo commercial
10:42Absolutely right
10:43The next phrase
10:44I think the lifestyle element of the calippo commercial all wrong
10:47So
10:48Calippo's have changed it
10:50So
10:50When first made
10:52They were for poor mining reasons
10:53Well this is a poor village
10:56Is it
10:56Is that the Dales?
10:58Is it your
10:59It's not
10:59It's remoter
11:01It's British but remote
11:02Is it Hebrides?
11:04Hebrides
11:04Hebrides is right
11:05And it's the remotest of all of them
11:07Okay
11:07Our largest
11:07Seaweed
11:08Do they seaweed?
11:09They lived for a thousand years
11:12This community
11:13On titans
11:13On helipos
11:14For a thousand years this community was isolated from Britain
11:18They lived on gannets and skewers and puffins
11:21It's the largest puffin colony in Britain
11:23The largest gannet colony in the world
11:25Wow
11:26So can you think of the name of the island?
11:28Is it
11:28No
11:29I can't
11:29I don't
11:30It's St Kilda
11:31St Kilda
11:32St Kilda
11:33And who was St Kilda?
11:34I'll give you ten points if you can tell me
11:36Hatred saint of ducks
11:37Was St Kilda male or female?
11:40Male
11:41Male
11:41No
11:42Female
11:43No
11:45No
11:45St Kilda was not a saint
11:47It's merely unfortunately a sort of
11:50Font
11:55It's an old Norse word for a shield
11:57Sjilda
11:57And it just became St Kilda
11:59But it's not a saint at all
12:01So it's known as St Kilda
12:02And it wasn't until 1930
12:04The last 36 natives of St Kilda
12:06Voluntarily left their ancestral home
12:09But oddly enough
12:10They were given jobs in the British Forester Commission
12:13And there hadn't been trees on St Kilda
12:16For 1500 years
12:17So none of the St Kilda's had ever seen a tree before
12:20No new jobs in forestry
12:22What the fuck is that?
12:26I imagine
12:27I mean because they're big
12:28Trees are big
12:29AHHHHH
12:32Orcs
12:32It's a
12:32Well it's
12:33But you can't want to come to Britain
12:36Sorry?
12:36When we brought them all over here in the 30s
12:39Yeah
12:39Weren't they resistant?
12:40No no
12:41It was voluntary
12:41I mean this was a place that was so windy
12:43That literally
12:44Sheep were blown off the cliffs
12:47It's terribly sad
12:48And there was one windy period where
12:51For a week afterwards
12:52They were all deaf
12:53I mean it really
12:54It was a pretty hostile climate
12:56I'm so very confused
12:58Because I feel like
12:58Until you told me about the wind
13:00And the dead sheep
13:01It sounded like a beautiful place to live
13:03And now
13:03Because it's sunny
13:04And like in the 30s
13:05Nobody wanted to live here
13:07No offence
13:07It now sounds a bit more like Canada
13:09Doesn't it?
13:09To be honest
13:11Sorry
13:12No no no
13:12And it's like
13:13You know they had all these delicious birds
13:15Like the original Nando's
13:17I
13:18I would like to live there
13:20Yeah
13:20I want to find a Kildur
13:22And see what they're about
13:23I guess you could visit it
13:25What we saw
13:26Was actually the parliament
13:27The men only
13:28What?
13:29Gathering
13:29That's their parliament
13:30And they talk
13:31Are they split down the middle by parliament?
13:34They talk about what
13:35The issues of the day
13:36Hold on the clip-o
13:37It's my turn to sleep
13:42The worst thing
13:43Is that dog in the middle
13:44Is the prime minister?
13:45No
13:46No he's the minister of forestry
13:48Oh
13:49No trees
13:50And dogs
13:50That's just cruel
13:52In the middle of the 19th century
13:53The first apple arrived in St Kilda
13:55Which caused absolute astonishment
13:56Wait till they see the apple tree
13:58They'll go mental
13:59Exactly
14:00Wait till they see the trees
14:01There's a Disney movie in this
14:03I really love this place
14:04There's a Disney movie in this
14:05Were they allowed to have sex with their family?
14:06I would imagine it was almost inevitable
14:09They would have talked about afraid
14:10I grew up in a remote area
14:12I grew up in
14:13I had four people in my year at school
14:14Where?
14:15In Devon
14:16Really?
14:17Yeah
14:17Wow, in Whitacombe
14:19Nearby
14:20Two boys, two girls
14:21Were you homeschooled?
14:22No
14:25It was like all the kids around me
14:27So this is quite familiar to you then?
14:31That's my dad third from the left
14:33And the prison bell went?
14:36No, I was at school
14:39But when a prisoner escapes they ring the bell don't they?
14:41Did that ever happen?
14:43No
14:43Well it's not that loud a bell
14:45So
14:46I don't think it happened
14:47I don't think my parents would have told me
14:49Would it be terrible if it sounded the same as the brake bell?
14:51So you never know
14:53Is it brake or serial killer?
14:56You come in from the playground
14:57And there'd be an extra guy in your class that was 40
15:00A row to the suit
15:03And you had the little ponies on the double ponies?
15:05Yeah, miniature ponies
15:06Oh wonderful
15:07Yeah
15:08It's a little bit more romantic than growing up in
15:10Where did you grow?
15:11I, er, Barking
15:16And Chiguel are we?
15:17Louton
15:18Louton, I beg your part in Essex
15:19And I was in Norfolk
15:20Which has its own charm
15:21And you were in Ontario somewhere?
15:23I'm from a place called Sarnia
15:25Sarnia?
15:26Yeah
15:26So how far is that from Toronto?
15:28You just go through a wardrobe
15:36Look!
15:38Mr. Tunness, don't do that to the dog
15:42Is it here like Peterborough, Hamilton, those sort of places?
15:47You know a lot about Canada
15:48Yes I do
15:49I say it's three hours worse than Toronto
15:51Oh
15:52Well I mean they say in Toronto it's New York run by the Swiss
15:55Don't they?
15:56It's kind of charming but just a little bit too sterile
15:59I hated Switzerland, have you been to Switzerland?
16:01No, I don't mind Switzerland either very much
16:03I mean eight, seven quid for a cup of tea
16:05No
16:06Yeah
16:07Muck
16:11Cuck up
16:12Yeah
16:14Anyway, anyway let's move on
16:16Now, where should you go to find Kiev railway station?
16:20Other than Kiev
16:21Well, now
16:23Oh
16:24Hull, did you say?
16:26Yes, Stephen
16:28Hull
16:29Lets the siren go off and Hull
16:30Nobody said that
16:31Nobody guessed you'd say Hull
16:33A kettering
16:34Let's work our way through
16:36No, no, no
16:37Is there not one?
16:38There is a Kiev station
16:39It's in a very major city in Russia
16:42Moscow
16:43Moscow
16:44And it's the station that takes the trains to Kiev
16:48Oh
16:49So they have a St. Petersburg
16:51They have a St. Petersburg station as well
16:55If you want to go to St. Petersburg in Moscow
16:57You go to St. Petersburg station
16:58There's a kind of logic to it
16:59A huge number of towns and cities in England
17:01Have a London road, for example
17:03That go to London
17:05They're not in London
17:05London road isn't in London
17:07This is why I do not understand London
17:09I go there
17:12Newcastle is not here
17:13It is in Newcastle
17:15It is stupid
17:18That's why the signage has to be so explanatory
17:21Because the Russians won't help
17:22They don't want to give any customer service over there
17:24They certainly don't
17:25Have you been?
17:25It's not possible
17:26It's not possible
17:28Read the sign
17:29Don't speak to the people
17:30True
17:31And of course it's in Red Square in Moscow
17:33And I wanted to have a photo taken
17:35And there was one of those guys with the massive peat caps
17:37And the green uniform
17:39Oh yes
17:39And I said, would you take a photo of me
17:41In front of it
17:42And he said
17:42No
17:45They
17:45They are very good at being rude
17:48They are very good at being rude
17:48They are watching you
17:50Half an hour
17:51Standing there looking pissed off
17:53And one person is asking you for a little thing
17:57Like
17:58With him in the background
18:04Very good
18:07So where is the Kremlin?
18:10Oh
18:10I know this
18:12Yes
18:12It's
18:13There's more than one
18:14Excellent
18:15You're absolutely right
18:16Because almost every Russian city has a Kremlin
18:18Is it really?
18:19Really?
18:19Yeah, it's the fortifying walls originally around the city are a Kremlin
18:23We know a famous one, which is the one in Moscow
18:26But that's one in almost every city you can think of in Russia
18:29Very good
18:30Thank you
18:30I go to Cardiff looking for Tarle of London
18:33You know
18:35Is this country stupid?
18:38And also your women pop groups
18:40They are on television
18:41Not in prison
18:43Now
18:44There you go
18:45Here's a question
18:46If you follow a cool grinder
18:47Where will it get you?
18:50Oh
18:51Oh
18:52Oh
18:52It's not
18:52No
18:53It's not that
18:54No
18:54What?
18:55No
18:55That thing
18:56That application
18:57I can't imagine what you're talking about
18:59Yes you know
19:00You know
19:01You know
19:02Turn it on now
19:03How many are you in the studio?
19:04I bet
19:07I imagine your outfit will say it
19:09Straight away
19:09Yeah
19:11I'm just bear-baked
19:12This is not
19:13This is nothing to do
19:14With the gay
19:15Man-on-man action app
19:17No
19:18Okay
19:20Coolgrinder is spelt
19:21K-U-L-G-R-I-N-D-A
19:23It's a rather remarkable
19:25Thing that exists in the Baltic
19:29Particularly in Lithuania
19:30But also in Kaliningrad
19:33A naturally occurring phenomenon?
19:34It's a man-made phenomenon
19:35Which is a very cunning way of deceiving your enemies
19:38Running away from them
19:39Or causing them to drown
19:41Making a misty fog thing?
19:43No
19:43What you do
19:44Is you make
19:46Stepping stones that are under the water
19:48Ah
19:49Which are enough for you to stand on
19:52But only you know where they are
19:54The really cunning thing is how you lay them
19:56In the winter
19:57It's incredibly cold
19:58So you get these huge stepping stones
20:00Put them in a line across the ice
20:02And as the ice melts
20:03They drop
20:04And form
20:05A line
20:06And if they're big enough
20:07You can actually drive a coach in
20:09I mean you've got to be pretty sure
20:11You're going to be chased soon
20:12To go to that trouble
20:13The Estonians
20:15The Estonians
20:16The Estonians
20:16Were pretty often at war
20:18There was a lot of war going on
20:19I think we will be chased in the summer
20:22We will have to convince
20:25Which way should we go?
20:27Over the river?
20:30I'm going to make a cool grinder
20:31Will you help?
20:34Only if you're certain about this chase
20:37Tell me more about
20:38Cos who's involved
20:40Basically
20:41You set it up
20:41And then you start a game of It
20:43In about June
20:46Why do you like to walk across the river Thames?
20:49They don't have cool grinder
20:50They're stupid
20:51I hate this country
20:53That is very similar
20:54Your Lithuanian accent
20:56To your Russian accent by the way
20:59And you're Ukrainian
21:01Well, yeah
21:02No, the most famous one is the Sietuva swamp
21:05Which the Lithuanian explorer Ludvich Krzyzewski
21:09Navigated by coach in 1903
21:12No
21:12And he wrote that at the deepest point
21:14The water was up to the sides of his horse
21:15No
21:15So they're really impressive little things
21:18I'd say the most famous one is the one Jesus used
21:21Thank you
21:23To trick everyone in the bible
21:25That's true
21:26That's very true
21:28But here's a supplementary question
21:29Where can you get arrested for wearing a seatbelt?
21:32Oh
21:33Is it
21:34Is it
21:34Is it
21:35Is it somewhere where the road is buying water
21:38Well, we're still in the Baltic region
21:40In Estonia
21:41They have lakes that freeze over and there are roads on them
21:44And you can drive on them
21:46But
21:47Ice trackers
21:48And you can drive along because it's 22cm thick the ice
21:51And it won't give way
21:53But you're not allowed to wear a seatbelt in case you slip over or something
21:56And you get trapped
21:57So it's actually safer not to wear a seatbelt
21:59The other thing you
22:00Why would this be
22:01You mustn't drive between 25 and 40 kph
22:07Is it like back to the future?
22:11Oh
22:11It's a great summer in a while
22:13A pair of flame coloured from your DeLorean
22:16You can drive faster?
22:18Yes
22:18You can drive faster or slower
22:19But not between 25 and 40
22:20Not between those?
22:21Yeah
22:21Those particular
22:22Same speed as a polar bear
22:25No
22:26It's a bit like marching over bridges in step
22:28Oh is it
22:28To do with the rhythm
22:29Is there a vibration?
22:31It sets up vibrations that might crack the ice
22:33Those particular speeds
22:35Why wouldn't a fastest
22:36Is it just those speeds
22:37Are just the residents
22:38Those speeds it's the residents
22:39Yeah
22:39It's just something to do with the frequency of that
22:41It's interesting isn't it
22:42Well
22:42We hope it's interesting
22:43Otherwise the hell with this programme
22:46But the US Antarctic programme
22:49The other side of the world
22:50Near McMurdo Sound
22:51They every year construct
22:54What do they construct on the ice?
22:56I mean
22:56Massive ice Jenga
23:00It's also to do with transport
23:02Ice plane
23:03Well not an ice plane
23:04But a boat
23:05An airport
23:06A runway
23:07A runway
23:08A runway
23:09So they can land their planes
23:10In the motors
23:11Yeah they have to sort of redo it every year
23:13How do they grip it?
23:15It's
23:15It's
23:16It's
23:16It's
23:16You know
23:16It's not too bad
23:17What?
23:18Ice isn't too bad for it?
23:21Is it dancing on ice?
23:23Not that sort of ice
23:24Dancing on ice is all that sort of
23:26That's what they say to the pilot
23:27This is frozen
23:28I know actually it's not as bad as it is
23:31It's sticky ice
23:32It's the other one
23:32Still yes
23:34We landed two hours ago
23:35And we still seem to be going along
23:38There's an element of that
23:40Alright
23:40Now
23:41What is there to say about long-necked Karen?
23:45She's got lovely eyes
23:51Always the first to see the night
23:53She
23:53She
23:54One of those family fortunes ones isn't it?
23:56We've had this before
23:57Oh yes survey said
23:58Name a bird with a long neck
24:02The bird goes
24:03Naomi Campbell
24:09This is clearly not the emu
24:13Karen is the answer here
24:15Who's this Karen?
24:16Tom Cruise always likes girls like
24:18Tall girls with long necks
24:19But then you know
24:20He doesn't let them wear heels around him
24:22No
24:22Because he is not the tallest man in the world
24:24Well then why date the girls with the long necks?
24:26So they can spot predators
24:27Or
24:29Is it a tribe?
24:31Is it a tribe?
24:31Is it a tribe?
24:33The Karen tribe
24:33The Karen tribe
24:34The Karen tribe
24:35Oh hello, alright, love to see you
24:38Hiya
24:38Hiya
24:39Alright
24:41The neighbouring Tracy tribe
24:46Stay away from Gary
24:48Stay away from Gary
24:52Here come the Gary's
24:53Here come the Gary's
24:54Bommard
24:55But the tribe we're talking about
24:59The Padung Karen tribe
25:01From
25:02They put rings around
25:03Exactly
25:05Let's have a look at them
25:06Extending over time
25:06There we are
25:07Oh wow
25:08Wow
25:09Isn't that impressive?
25:10Looks like she's kind of been bred
25:12Impressive if she takes it off
25:13With the slinking
25:16They're so called giraffes
25:17At the end of the day
25:19Well they can't at the end of the day
25:29Beryl, Beryl
25:30Why are the curtains on the
25:31Oh
25:33You know when you have a jack in the box
25:35Ready to go
25:36Oh yeah
25:36Ba-ding
25:38Rather than go down
25:39It's just going
25:42The surprising thing is
25:43The x-rays
25:45X-rays show that their necks
25:51It's not going to be more vertebrae can they?
25:53No, x-rays show their necks are not longer than normal people's
25:56What's going on?
25:57I mean that does look quite long
25:59But it's actually what's lower is the collar bone
26:01Or are the collar bones
26:02Wow
26:02They're supposed to wear them until they get married
26:05A lot of them keep them on forever
26:07It's a sign of beauty traditionally
26:08Although it's supposed also to
26:09To protect them against tigers
26:12Who will attack them by the neck
26:14That's one theory
26:15That's great
26:16I've always thought
26:17Okay, maybe they're like sacred
26:18Alright, it looks pretty
26:19Tigers?
26:21I'm totally with it now
26:22Yeah, it's tiger proof
26:23Put those around your neck
26:24Exactly
26:25Alright
26:25Most of them now live in Thailand
26:27Having fled Burma
26:28And you can pay to go and see them
26:30There's another nearby tribe who also wear brass coils
26:33Not only around their necks but
26:36Around their lower knees and arms
26:39I don't think this is so mad really
26:41I think I get it with the tigers
26:43And here you've got Katie Price
26:45Doing loads of crazy stuff to her body
26:47And all her friends
26:48And they look lovely
26:50But they're like orange
26:51And they've got fake hair and fake nails
26:52How is this worse?
26:53Yeah, absolutely right
26:54Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
26:57That's it
26:58Yeah
26:59Points to Catherine Natalie
27:00For that good observation
27:01Now, just how badly wrong
27:03Could a housewarming go
27:04In one of these?
27:08Nice house
27:10That man is a big fan of the show
27:12Yeah
27:15Let's see the rest of him go on
27:17It's past the watershed
27:19The house doesn't look warm at all to me
27:21It looks cold in there
27:22It does look cool in there.
27:23All his guests have to arrive by helicopter, isn't it?
27:27Doreen, I love squirrels. What can I say?
27:30Well, we've looked at the Karen tribe.
27:32Is this real or is this James Cameron?
27:33This is another tribe. These are the Korowai tribe.
27:35They're a New Guinea tribe who live entirely in treehouses.
27:39And they're the only people in the world, apart from the Kombai, another tribe,
27:43who also live only in treehouses.
27:45Each house lasts, on average, about five years, and then they rebuild somewhere else.
27:49And their lives, they take their pets up, everything.
27:52And that's where they live.
27:54How do they go to the toilet?
27:55Well, the long drop, I guess, is the answer.
27:59You're walking past.
28:01Yes.
28:02Don't walk past is the answer.
28:03They're roofed with leaves from branches, like a house you'd see anywhere,
28:07to stop the rain getting in.
28:08Ah.
28:09With a little pediment. It's very, very splendid.
28:12Once installed, though, they celebrate by lighting a ceremonial fire.
28:16The whole thing is made of wood.
28:18But it's kept safe by suspending the fireplace in a hole in the floor,
28:22and if the fire gets too big, it just drops down to the ground.
28:25You'd think it would set fire to the struts.
28:26Burn the whole forest.
28:27Yeah, well, yeah.
28:28But it seems to work. They've been doing it for a very, very long time.
28:31One of the marvellous things about them is they had no idea at all
28:36that there were any other human beings in the world until 1970.
28:41It's pretty astonishing.
28:43Anyway, the Korowai have open fires in their houses,
28:46even though they're made entirely of wood and 30 metres off the ground.
28:49Now, where's the best place to keep a load of old rubbish from the 1980s?
28:53My loft.
28:55Your loft.
28:57No, this is a story you're not likely to know,
28:59but it is a 16-year voyage of a ship called the Kian Sea,
29:04trying to offload rubbish from Pennsylvania.
29:08In 1986, it was loaded with 15,000 tonnes of non-toxic ash
29:12bound for dumping in the Bahamas.
29:15So they said no, so they went to Puerto Rico, Bermuda,
29:17the Dominican Republic, Honduras, Guinea-Bissau,
29:20and the Netherlands Antilles, they all said no.
29:22Then they cunningly reclassified the cargo as topsoil fertiliser
29:28and managed to get rid of 4,000 tonnes of it in Haiti,
29:31and then they were rumbled and sent packing.
29:34So they then went to Senegal, Cape Verde, Yugoslavia,
29:37Sri Lanka, Indonesia and the Philippines,
29:40and then Singapore, where she was found to be empty.
29:43And then the captain and the ship's executives admitted
29:46they'd dumped the Ashok Sea and were jailed.
29:49And at the assistance of Haiti,
29:51the ship had to go back to pick up
29:54the 4,000 tonnes they'd left behind.
29:57So eventually, Pennsylvania, where it originated from,
30:01took it back, and in 2002, 16 years later,
30:05it was offloaded and taken by train to a landfill
30:08just 120 miles where it had originally come from.
30:12LAUGHTER
30:12How impressive is that?
30:15I quite like the idea of that boat sailing around
30:17and the captain with a teaspoon just going...
30:22LAUGHTER
30:24LAUGHTER
30:25LAUGHTER
30:26LAUGHTER
30:27LAUGHTER
30:27Like in a prison yard,
30:28bringing it out of the box.
30:29Yes, exactly.
30:32It wasn't toxic.
30:33It's just people didn't want American rubbish.
30:34Um, don't say anything.
30:38LAUGHTER
30:38How does ash go away?
30:40You landfill.
30:42LAUGHTER
30:42That's it?
30:43Yeah.
30:44Eco-friendly Sweden uses so much waste
30:48to power its generators
30:49that it actually has to import rubbish.
30:52And Norway pays Sweden to take 80,000 tonnes a year,
30:57which Sweden then turns into power,
30:58and then they send the ash back to Norway for landfilling.
31:02So why don't we all do that?
31:03Why exactly?
31:04Good old Sweden.
31:05Let's hear it for the Swedes.
31:07Yay!
31:09APPLAUSE
31:11Very good.
31:12We like the Swedes.
31:13One of the Maldives, unfortunately, Thielefushi,
31:15is an artificial island made entirely out of rubbish,
31:18which is really distressing.
31:19The country's residents and tourists
31:20produce so much garbage.
31:22The island is growing by one square metre a day.
31:26That is really, really upsetting, isn't it?
31:29I haven't been recycling for the last month
31:30because, well...
31:32I saw your face then.
31:34Yeah?
31:35Because someone stole my recycling bin
31:36from outside the front of my house.
31:38LAUGHTER
31:38Which I don't know what the morals are on that crime.
31:41Are they good for sledding?
31:42I bet they're great for sledding.
31:44LAUGHTER
31:45Was it you?
31:47I just got the lid.
31:49LAUGHTER
31:49Were you luge-ing on Josh's lid?
31:53I'm wrong with that.
31:55What did you just say?
31:56Luge-ing.
31:58It is, yeah, but it's just that combination of water.
32:00No, well, that's what we like.
32:02Yeah.
32:02Yes.
32:02It's fun.
32:03Delicious.
32:03There's a shop at the end of my road
32:06that takes clothing and they send it to Africa
32:09and they give you money for it.
32:11And I was thinking, great,
32:12I've got lots of designer baby items.
32:15And so I brought all this stuff down,
32:17like cute little things,
32:18I'm showing them to the guy.
32:19He doesn't care what it is.
32:21He just cares about how much of it there is.
32:24Oh, in weight or volume?
32:25Weigh it, so if you've got, like, big old trousers,
32:28you get more money than if you've got, like,
32:29beautiful little baby stuff.
32:31And where's this shop?
32:32It's right.
32:33LAUGHTER
32:35I, I...
32:35Yeah.
32:36Took some...
32:37I took some stuff to my local charity shops and clothes,
32:41and I've become increasingly irate
32:43that I haven't made the window display yet.
32:46LAUGHTER
32:47It's like you never give a gift you've been given to a charity shop
32:49because that will go in the window,
32:51and your friend who gave it to you will pass it.
32:53LAUGHTER
32:53Believe me, I don't.
32:54Buy it and give it to you again?
32:55Yes.
32:56Exactly.
32:57LAUGHTER
32:59LAUGHTER
33:00LAUGHTER
33:01Oh, dear.
33:02And so the worldigig of time brings in its revenges.
33:04Now, name the nearest third world country.
33:07Oh, steady.
33:08You're going to get into all sorts of trouble.
33:10Yes, you're going to.
33:11I'm not going to make any jokes
33:12about our near neighbours on this fine either.
33:16LAUGHTER
33:17LAUGHTER
33:17Let's just say it's as well that you didn't say Wales or Scotland.
33:23I'm too scared to answer.
33:26Let me give you the original definition of a third world nation,
33:29then you'll be less embarrassed, all right?
33:31French historian Alfred Sauvie...
33:33France!
33:35LAUGHTER
33:37LAUGHTER
33:38LAUGHTER
33:39We've jumped the gun.
33:40Coined the phrase...
33:41Oh, stable!
33:43The third world.
33:44Le monde troisième.
33:45In 1952, it meant states not politically aligned
33:49with the USSR or the USA, i.e. the Soviet bloc or with America.
33:54So any state that wasn't in some way politically aligned
33:57was called third world.
33:59Now, which is the nearest one of those to us?
34:01France was.
34:02Although it wasn't a member of NATO, it was politically aligned.
34:04Ireland wasn't?
34:05Ireland is the right answer.
34:07The one I was most afraid of...
34:08LAUGHTER
34:10It's only more recently that it became a term meaning poverty.
34:14And nowadays, of course, it's not a politically correct word to use.
34:17Anyway, we don't say a third world country, we say...
34:20Developing.
34:20The developing world, exactly.
34:22We say a vibrant tourist destination.
34:25LAUGHTER
34:26LAUGHTER
34:26Bravo!
34:28That's exactly what we say.
34:29Un-spoiled, we say.
34:31Un-spoiled.
34:31Un-spoiled, exactly.
34:32There is fourth world, however.
34:33But now, what does fourth world refer to?
34:35Essex.
34:36LAUGHTER
34:39You're lucky you can get away with that because you've come from there.
34:41But the Centre for World Indigenous Studies
34:44says it means essentially dispossessed people
34:48such as Kurds or Romanies and such like.
34:51They are fourth world.
34:53If you're Irish in Britain, there's something you can do
34:55that you can't do if you're British in Ireland.
34:58Piss in the street.
34:58Open a theme pub.
34:59Piss in the street.
35:00Piss in the street.
35:01Open a theme pub.
35:03Piss in the street.
35:05RIVOLANCE!
35:06LAUGHTER
35:07Now, singing pub.
35:08No, it's really an important right.
35:11Could it be...
35:13Amazingly, Irish citizens living in Britain
35:15can vote in British general elections.
35:18British citizens living in Ireland cannot vote
35:20in the Republic of Ireland general elections.
35:23Now, which country's national anthem is
35:25the Land of the Free?
35:27America.
35:29America is not the right on central.
35:31They sing it.
35:32Beyonce sang it.
35:33It's in the lyrics the home of the brave in the land of the free, but is it somewhere incredibly
35:38not free?
35:40No, it's free-ish
35:41It's the only flag of an independent sovereign nation that has human beings on it two of them as a
35:46matter of fact
35:47Are they copulating?
35:48They're not copulating
35:51They're chopping wood
35:53It's one of those freaky islands, isn't it?
35:55One of those freaky islands
35:56One of the land is by the might of truth and the grace of God
36:01No longer shall we be hewers of wood Mordor
36:08Give us more clues we can get it. It was once a British possession and Belize
36:23And it's a national anthem is called the land of the free the name of the American national anthem is
36:31So say can you see by the dawn's only light, etc, etc. Who wrote the words for that? Do you
36:35know?
36:35Jay-Z
36:37It was a man called francis scott key, and what's interesting about him-
36:43Joe boyden is absolutely hating that
36:45He's not really happy, isn't he?
36:47Neither is the other guy
36:48I wanted to sing it
36:49I have a beautiful piercing alto
36:55Anyway, francis scott key gave his first three names to a distant cousin
37:01Who was francis scott key?
37:05Surname one of the greatest writers of the 20th century
37:08Fitzgerald
37:09Yes, f scott fitzgerald's real name was francis scott key fitzgerald because he was a cousin of the man who
37:14gave us the words of the star-spangled banner
37:17And finally a really easy one does the paris-dakar rally start in paris and end in dakar or start
37:25in dakar and end in paris?
37:27Starts in france and ends in africa
37:34Sorry anybody else is it neither?
37:38Yes, well, I know it ends in africa. It does presume it started doesn't end in africa
37:42Where's it end then?
37:43In south america
37:44What the what the what the heck now?
37:48The paris-dakar rally has been held in south america for the last five years since threats in 2007 from
37:55al-qaeda
37:56And so the organizers relocated it in south america absolutely uh the mongol rally
38:02Starts in england and ends in ulaanbaatar which is the capital of atungolia as i'm sure you know
38:07I've just taken my mobile phone rather than doing that
38:17It starts in london and ends it in ulaanbaatar and what route does it take a
38:23to
38:29The fact is anywhere you want to go because there is there is no set route you can just choose
38:33to go
38:33through whichever country will allow you to get through them they don't want to cramp the style of the rallyists
38:39in india there's a very good rally called the blind man's car rally a 40-mile race in which blind
38:46navigators use a braille map the drivers are cited that they must adhere to the directions given
38:53by their unsighted navigators who are using braille even if they know it's going to be a collision
38:58left left left
39:03anyway now we have a knick-knack exploding custard powder experiment for something to explode you need
39:09certain things you need something to light in this case custard powder uh you need something to light
39:16it with and you need oxygen but you need a little bit more than that because if i try and
39:20light this
39:20custard powder you will see
39:27that nothing happens
39:31the whole point is nothing nothing would happen to that because i bet heston could make it burn
39:40he couldn't in this state no what you need in order to get something like custard or any powder
39:46even metallic powder to burn and really burn is one of these ordinary everyday objects like this
39:54as you may see i have a funnel and i have some safety glasses to save my beautiful eyelashes
40:03batteries and uh i have a lighter and i miss jacousta
40:09and uh i have a pump
40:12i have a pump
40:14i have a pump that rather wants to
40:16so we'll raise this here
40:21okay now
40:23what i'm gonna do i don't want to know what you're gonna do
40:29what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna pour the custard powder in this funnel and i'm going to uh i'm
40:37going
40:37to present a flame across it oh yes yes be afraid be very
40:43i'm gonna use adam as a human shield oh my god there's flame there's custard powder in there
40:56i feel the knee the knee for speed all i need to do where are you going where the
41:02back away i'm going to the pump i'm just going to the pub because i'm going to come we are
41:10now
41:10nearer than you can you see what i'm going to do i'm pumping air there's just too many double entendres
41:16you pumping custard stop it are you ready for me to pump the oh my god thank you
41:31oh god yes i'm ready for you to pump your custard
41:34i need to come down from the audience this is not how i wanted to go
41:40audience i want you to count me down from three
41:44three one
41:54what world there actually there's um i've been sitting there i could have been igni- i could have
42:01been igni- you could have been covered in the hot custard
42:10i told you before you did this experiment which hot and exciting experiment brings me to the little
42:20matter of the scores and they are fascinating in last place although he's played it so many times
42:27with minus nine is phil jupiter
42:28a highly creditable third place with minus eight katherine ryan
42:46first appearance second place with minus seven it's josh whitticom
42:53ladies and gentlemen can you believe your ears 14 points in the lead with plus seven is alan davis
43:09the katherine phil josh and alan good night
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